Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: A doctor and a lawyer were attending ...

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.

 

The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, 'I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?'

The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.

[worldangel]

Joke: One afternoon a man came home ...

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!

He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes", he replied reluctantly.

She answered, "We'll, today I didn't do it!!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: $20 Hooker

This guy is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City and he runs into a hooker.

He says, "How much?"

She says, "Twenty bucks."

He says, "All right."

They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The next night, he runs into the same hooker.

 

They go under the boardwalk, only this time while he's banging her, she blasts two incredible farts.

 

When they get done, he hands her twenty-FIVE dollars.

She says, "What the extra five?"

He says, "That's for blowing the sand off my balls."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: There was once a great actor, ...

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

 

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk onto the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line... 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line, over and over again. Finally the time came. 

The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion, he delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress". 
The theatre erupted, the audience screamed with laughter... and the director was steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!" 

The actor, quite bewildered, asked, "What happened, did I forget my line?" he asked. 
"No!" the director screamed.... "You forgot the bloody rose!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The secret of my success...

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: A daughter who was concerned that ...

A daughter who was concerned that her elderly mother hadn't had an exam in several years persuaded her mother to let her make an appointment for an exam with her doctor. She invited her to spend the night and offered to drive her to the appointment with lunch afterward. 

On the day of the exam, they went together to the doctor's office and while the daughter waited in the lobby the mother nervously undressed, climbed up on the table, and, with the nurse's assistance, slid her heels into the stirrups. 

The doctor came in, greeted her pleasantly, then settled onto his stool. "My aren't we FANCY today!" he exclaimed as he lifted the sheet draped over the old lady's upraised knees. 

Shocked, she had no idea what the doctor meant. When the exam was over, she hurriedly got dressed and rushed out to meet her daughter in the waiting room. 

In a panic, she repeated what the doctor said. "What in the world do you think he meant by that?" the mother asked, bewildered. 

"I have no idea, Mother. What did you do to prepare for the exam?" 

"Well, I showered, and I used some of that feminine deodorant spray in your bathroom," the mother replied. 

There was a slight pause as she looked her mother in the eye. "I don't HAVE any feminine deodorant spray, Mother." 

"Yes you do-that tall pink-and-gold can." 

"Mother! That's not deodorant. That's gold glitter hairspray!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Say It With Flowers.....

A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read "Say It With Flowers."

"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.

"Only one?" the florist asked.

"Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Burglary Witness

An old man was a witness in a burglary case.

The defense lawyer asked Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?"

"Yes," said Sam, "I saw him plainly take the goods."

The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"

"Yes, says Sam. "I saw him do it."

Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam, listen, you are an 80-year-old, and your eyesight is probably bad. Just how far can you see at night?"

Sam says, "I can see the moon. How far is that?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Lesson in logic...

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "To withdraw all his money from his savings account?"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Bee in band class...

The summer band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room.

 

The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its demise.

"Is it a bee?" another student asked.

"Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A little boy asked his teacher...

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom,’ so she said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your hand. '’The boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.'

He was then sent to the principal’s office and the principal asked him, 'What do you have in your hand.'

So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do you have in your hand.'

So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent to his room and his dad came in and said, 'What do you have in your hand.' So again the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he get scared away.'

Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, 'Open your hands!'

And the little boy said, 'Look Dad you scared the crap out of him.'
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Obsessions

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

[worldangel]

Joke: A young man looking to get married...

A young man looking to get married asked his friend.

 

"Every woman I bring home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like."

"Oh, that's easy," his pal replied.

 

"All you have to do is find someone whos' just like your mother."

 

"I did that already," he said, "and that one my father didn't like."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: New son-in-law

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.

“I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory everyday and learn the operation.”

The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can't stand the noise.”

“I see.” replied the father-in-law, “Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can't stand being stuck behind a desk.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don't like factories, and won't work in an office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.”
 

[worldangel]

Joke: For 25 Cents

One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle.

 

They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight.

 

However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.

The thief then went through Murphy's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents.

The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.

“Was that all you wanted?” Murphy replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in me shoe!”
 

[worldangel]

Joke: For 25 Cents

One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle.

 

They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight.

 

However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.

The thief then went through Murphy's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents.

The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.

“Was that all you wanted?” Murphy replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in me shoe!”
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: A student in medical school wants ….

A student in medical school wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic.

 

The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating in the hallway.

 

"What condition does he have?" the student asks.

"He suffers from Seminal Build-up Disorder," the doctor replies. "If he doesn't obtain sexual release forty to fifty times a day, he'll pass into a coma."

The student takes some notes as they continue down the hall.

 

As they turn the corner, the student sees another patient, with his pants around his ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse.

 

"What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?"

"Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a better health plan."
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The doctor...

The doctor entered the room and advised his patient that a brain transplant was the only remedy. 

"Fortunatly" he continued, "this hospital has perfected the procedure, 

However, it is not yet available on the National Health and you will therefore have to pay. 

We have two brains in stock at the moment, a female brain costing £30,000 and a male brain at £100,000"

"Why is the male brain so expensive?" asked the patient. 

"Oh, that's easy, male brains are hardly used." 

[worldangel]

Joke: Not So Loud  

Two friends are standing at a whorehouse door.

 

The first one says, “I heard half these broads have the clap and all of ‘em are thieves.”

The second friend says, “Not so loud, or they won’t let us in.”

[worldangel]

Joke: Blondes Like That  

While walking in the park, two blondes see another blonde rowing her boat on the grass.

 

The first blonde says to the second blonde, "It's blondes like that one that give us a bad name!"

The second blonde replies, "I know, if I could swim I would go over there and punch her!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Come Out of the Same Place

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"

"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth out?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Steak and Beer for A Quarter

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

 

The barman charges him 10 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays.

 

After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak.

 

The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food.

After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says, "Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him."

"No problem," says the barman. "He's upstairs with my wife."

"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man.

"Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: I've Never Even Kissed A Man

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"

The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings; she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."

The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant-- about 4 months, would be my guess."

The mother says, "Pregnant? She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?"

Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"

The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Two Quarts

Mesmerized by the automatic milking machine, the pubescent young boy decided to place his member in one of the slots and have it milk him.

The experiment proved highly successful, but when he was finished, he was unable to liberate himself.

 

Unwillingly he called for his father. After examining the situating, the farmer headed for his truck.

“Where are you going?” the boy cried.

“To town, to get oysters. That machine there is set at two quarts.”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: What's Making You Sad?

Charlie was telling his tale of woe to his boss.

 

He said, “I was so drunk last night that I don’t know how I got home. Not realizing it was my bed I slept in when I awoke, I handed the woman next to me a $20.00 bill.”

“Is that what’s making you sad?”

“No,” said Charlie. “It was my wife I gave the $20.00 to, but she gave me $10.00 change.”

[worldangel]

Joke: Mother of Six

A man has six children and he is very proud of his achievement.

 

He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home, and he wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

 

He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home, Mother of Six?”

His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion, shouts back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four!”

[worldangel]

Joke: A guy walks into a clinic to have ...

A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken.

The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger after finishing she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood.

She can't find it so she looks innocently at the guy and takes his finger and sucks it.

The guy is so pleased he asks; "Do you think I could have a urine test done?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: What If I Swallow It?  

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber begins to give the man the closest shave he has ever experienced.

 

After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

[worldangel]

Joke: A Large Stiff One  

After noticing a beautiful young redhead sitting alone at the bar, a young stud confidently strolls over to her side and says, “What can I get you, gorgeous?”

The woman blushes and replies, “If you’re sure you don’t mind, I’ll have a large stiff one, please.”

“Would that be before or after I get the drinks?”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: If I Knew You Were A Virgin  

A man and his girlfriend are making love in his car for the first time.

Afterwards the man said, "If I knew you were a virgin, I would have been more tender.

The girl said, "Oh, if you were not so extremely anxious, I would’ve had time to take off my silk stockings."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Every Breath I Take  

A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics.

 

Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”

“Really?” the man says.

"Yes," she replies.

“Have you tried a good mouthwash?

[worldangel]

 Joke: 25 Years Ago  

A man, celebrating his 25th anniversary, looked at his wife and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, I lived in a one-room apartment, watched a 15-inch black-and-white TV, and drove a rusty old car.

 

But, every night, I slept with a gorgeous blonde. You're ageing now, and I figure you're not keeping up your appearance like you did all those years ago. I'm not too happy about it."

His wife looked back at him and said, "It's true that I'm not what I used to be. But, sleep with a gorgeous blonde tonight, and I'll see that, once again, you're living in a one-room apartment, watching a 15-inch, black-and-white TV, and driving a rusty, old car."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Best We Can Offer  

A man goes to a pharmacy and asks to talk to a male pharmacist.

 

The woman behind the counter replies that she is the pharmacist, that she and her sister own the drugstore, and that there are no males employed there. “But surely I can help you,” she says.

“This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection that causes me a lot of pain and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?”

“Just a minute, I’ll go talk to my sister.” When she returns, she says, “The best we can offer is one-third-ownership in the store and five thousand a month in living expenses.”

[worldangel]

Joke: I've Tried Everything

A little boy was sitting on the side of a curb and was crying.

 

This old man was passing by, and he stopped and asked the little boy, “My dear boy, why are you crying?”

The little boy looked up at the old man all teary eyed and said, "I've tried everything and I cannot get laid."

The old man looked at the little boy, sat right next to him, and started crying too.

[worldangel]

Joke: Just With Your Wife 

After a heart-transplant operation, the patient was receiving instructions from his doctor.

 

He was placed on a strict diet, denied tobacco, and advised to get at least eighth hour’s sleep a night.

Finally, the patient asked, “What about my sex life, Doc? Will it be all right for me to have intercourse?”

“Just with your wife,” responded the doctor. “We don’t want you to get too excited.”

[worldangel]

Joke: He's Serving Her 

Little Johnny went to visit his grandfather's farm for a holiday.

 

While grandfather was showing him around the farm, he saw a cock doing his business with one of the hens, and he asked, "Grandpa, what's that?”

Grandpa replied, "That's a cock, and that's a hen, and he's serving her."

Further on, Johnny saw a horse doing his business with a mare, and he asked, "Grandpa, what's that?”

Grandpa replied, "That's a horse, and that's a mare, and he's serving her."

At dinner that night, Grandma said, "Grandpa, will you please serve the turkey?"

At that, little Johnny jumped up and said, "If he does that, I'm having a hamburger!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: What's Wrong, Friend?

A guy walking on the sidewalk passed by a young man sitting on a bench with his head hanging low crying. The man asked, "What’s wrong friend?"

"Well," the young man replied, "I live in an expensive house, I have a hundred dollar a day allowance, I get a new sports car every other month, and I'm surrounded by beautiful women."

"Then why do you feel so down?" asked the stranger.

"Because," replied the young man, "I forgot where I live!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Best We Can Offer 

A man goes to a pharmacy and asks to talk to a male pharmacist.

 

The woman behind the counter replies that she is the pharmacist, that she and her sister own the drugstore, and that there are no males employed there. “But surely I can help you,” she says.

“This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection that causes me a lot of pain and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?”

“Just a minute, I’ll go talk to my sister.” When she returns, she says, “The best we can offer is one-third-ownership in the store and five thousand a month in living expenses.”

[worldangel]

Joke: A man was on trial for selling...

A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness. 

The defense attorney asked, "Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?" 

"No sir," answered the man. 

"Did you ever get any from his wife?" 

"No sir." 

"Did you ever get any from his daughters?" 

"Uh...excuse me sir," the witness said, "but we're still talking about drugs here, right?" 
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Infamous stud

An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink.

The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong.

"I'm scared out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some pissed-off husband wrote to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop fucking his wife."

"So stop," the barkeep said.

"I can't," the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. "The prick didn't sign his name!"

[worldangel]

 

Joke: One day a little girl came home ...

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework."

[worldangel]

Joke: Mongoose in a box

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side.

 

He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"

"A mongoose."

"What for?"

"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."

"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."

"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: There was a man driving a pick-up ...

There was a man driving a pick-up truck down a country road when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. 

Some time went by, and the case got to court. 

The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?" 

The man replied, "Well sir, it was like this. We was drivin' down the road, mindin' our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us.

 

When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pullin' up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was 'most dead, so he shot 'em.

 

Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him. Then he came over to me and he said, 'How you feeling?'" "I said, I never felt better in my life." 
 

[worldangel]

Joke: What Did the Doctor Say?  

A woman goes to her gyneacologist for her annual exam and comes home and says to her husband, "Honey, the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year old."

"Oh yeah," says her husband, "what did he say about your 45 year-old ass?"

"Oh," she says, "he never mentioned you."

[worldangel]

 Joke: Now You Are Sorry  

An old woman is sitting in a rocking chair on her porch, petting her cat, Fu-Fu. A fairy appears and says, ”I’m here to grant you three wishes.”

The old woman says, “I wish I was twenty-years old and beautiful again.” Poof! She is.

“Now I wish I had a million dollars and this old house was a mansion.” Poof! Done.

“And now I wish that Fu-Fu was the handsomest man ever and deeply in love with me.”

Poof! Suddenly she’s in the arms of a gorgeous man. He kisses her and says, “Darling, aren’t you sorry you had me fixed?”

 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: That's Fair, Your Honour  

"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."

"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Dead or Alive
 

A young man fell into a deep coma, but recovered before his friends had buried him. One of his friends ask him what it felt like to be dead.

"Dead? I wasn't dead and I knew it because I was hungry and my feet were cold."

"But, how did that make you so sure?"

"Well, I knew if I was in heaven I wouldn't be hungry, and if I were in the other place, my feet wouldn't be cold."

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Caught Cheating
 

An inmate at the local detention centre was sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another inmate was watching.

 

Finally, the kibitzer spoke up, "Wait a minute. I just caught you cheating yourself."

"Shhh! Don't tell anybody but for years I've been cheating at solitaire. "

"You don't say! Did you ever catch yourself cheating,?"

"Nah, I'm too clever."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Blonde from First Class 

On a flight to New York the flight attendant said to a lady sitting in first class, "Ma´am, I'm afraid you'll have to sit in the back since you have a coach ticket." The lady responded, "Listen, I'm a beautiful blonde, I'm going to NY, and I'm sitting in first class."

The two argued for a while but finally the flight attendant went and got the first officer - who came and said, "Ma´am, I'm afraid you'll have to move into the coach section since you have a coach ticket". To which she replied, "Listen, sir, I'm a beautiful blonde, I'm going to NY, and I'm sitting in first class."

After they argued for a while the first officer gave up and went to get the Captain who said, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a beautiful blonde." So - the Captain went right up to her, whispered in her ear, after which she got right up and moved into the coach section.

Both the flight attendant and first officer were shocked and asked the Captain - "I don't get it sir. What did you say to make her move back to coach." To which the Captain said, "Oh that was easy, I just told her first class wasn't going to NY!"

[worldangel]

Joke: I Call It The Rodeo 

Two guys are in a bar, having a beer and discussing different positions. The first one announces, “My favourite position is ‘the rodeo.’”

“How does that one work?” asks his friend.

“Well,” the first one replies, “you get your wife on all four on the bed, then do it to her doggy style. When she really starts enjoying it, you whisper in her ear, 'Your sister likes this position, too'... then you try and hang on for eight seconds!”