Jump to content
Male HQ

Be Happy :)


Guest smoking bear

Recommended Posts

Joke: Picasso

After his wife divorced him, Joe asked his best friend, Bill, to fix him up with a blind date. Bill obliged.

 

The next day Joe called up Bill and shouted at him angrily: "Bill, what kind of a guy do you think I am. That girl you fixed me up with was cross-eyed; she was almost bald; her nose was long, thin and crooked; she had hair growing on her face; she was flat chested; and her ankles were as thick as her thighs".


Bill answered: "Either you like Picasso, or you don't like Picasso."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Joke: Fat free....

I stopped at a fast-food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat-Free French Fries. I decided to give them a try.

I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer, which was dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order.

"Just a minute!" I said. "Those aren't fat-free."

"Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes . . . the fat is free!"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: A married couple went to the hospital ...

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. 


Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father of the baby. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.


The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.


The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.


The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. 


The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Joke: Orange

The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"


The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"


The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Wanna play house?

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Stevie, wanna play house?"

He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"

The girl replies, "I want you to communicate."

He says to her, "that word is too big. I have no idea what it means."

The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: A man hasn't been feeling well...

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. 
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." 


"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?" 
"Ten," the doctor says sadly. 


"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" 
"Nine..."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Twenty Bucks

A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.


"Twenty bucks," she says. he'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell it's only twenty bucks.

They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them it's a police officer.

"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.

"I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."

"Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: A woman goes into Wal-Mart...

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.

 

There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

 

He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00". She says, "Thats amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound Of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts.

 

 At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her.. being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

 

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the stink bait is$2.50."
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Joke: A new way to diet...

Tammy and Ann were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, Tammy said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."

"Why don't you just leave him then ?" said Ann.

"Oh ! Not yet." Tammy replied, "I'd like to lose at least another ten to fifteen pounds first.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 


Joke: One day the school principal was...

One day the school principal was talking to Little Johnny's teacher about his behavior, when all of a sudden Johnny comes running down the hallway. 

The principal stops Johnny and asks him, "Why are you running?" 

Little Johnny says, "I
m keeping two kids from fighting, sir." 

"Who?" asked the principal. 

"Me and the kid chasing me," and off he went. 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Joke: This duck walks into a convenience ...

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?"


The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes!

I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!" The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?"

The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"


 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: A woman in her eighties made ...

A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. 

The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt like to be married again at that age and asked her to share part of her previous experiences, especially since it was quite unique that her new husband was a funeral director. 

After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor, and now in her eighties, a funeral director. 

The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse carriers. 

With a smile on her face she explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go." 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: A passerby noticed a couple of...

A passerby noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks. The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but he couldn't understand what they were doing. 


Finally, he approached the workers and asked, "I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again. 


One of the city workers explained, "The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Joke: The Teacher had asked the class...

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. 

Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." 

"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" 

"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday." 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: I Guess That's F

Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."


"Chickens, eh?" says one guy.

"Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the guy with the bag, "iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."

The other scratches his head and guesses, "Um... five?"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: The Teacher had asked the class...

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. 

Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well last week."

"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Two girlfriends were speeding ...

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"


The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Fuck!" cursed the brunette. "Are his flashers on?


The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope....yup....."
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Where ya from, Sam?

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.

And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Joke: A guy falls asleep on the beach...

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn all over his body.

He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns on his legs.

He was starting to blister and in pain by the time the doctor arrived. To help, the doctor prescribed an IV with saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The attending nurse was rather surprised by the prescription and asked, "What good will Viagra do him?"

The doctor replied, "It will keep the sheets off his legs."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Philosophy of Life

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came out, he went into the street and met an old colleague, who asked him where in heaven's name he had been all those years.


"In a closet," he replied. "I wanted to know what life really is."
"And have you found an answer?"


"Yes," he replied. "I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is like a bridge."
"That's all well and good," replied the colleague, "but can you be a little more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?"


"Oh," replied the philosopher after some thought, "maybe you're right; perhaps life is not like a bridge."
 

Edited by worldangel

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: There was once a great actor, ...

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

 

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk onto the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line... 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"

 

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line, over and over again. Finally the time came. 
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion, he delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress". 


The theatre erupted, the audience screamed with laughter... and the director was steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!" 


The actor, quite bewildered, asked, "What happened, did I forget my line?" he asked. 
"No!" the director screamed.... "You forgot the bloody rose!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 Joke: Producing A New Gum

Two men were in the process of inventing a new brand of gum. They were arguing over the fact that their new gum was too hard and brittle and didn't have the right consistency.

 

One of the inventors kept arguing that they simply had to add more liquid to their primary secret ingredient, code named "Yewin".


The other man argued adamantly. "No, No, No! It's not wetter Yewin that counts... it's how you ply the gum!"
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Fined

Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.


“They should not put up such misleading notices,” said Joe.

“It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites



Joke: A guy was driving when a policeman...

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" 


"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" 


The driver thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smart butt when he's drunk and stoned." The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" 


At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Joke: Mom's Time Out

My Parents had not been out together in quite some time.


One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her.

“Would you like to go out, girl?” he asked.

Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, “Oh, yes, I'd love to!”

They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed.

His question had actually been directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor.

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Duck analysis

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.


The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.


A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Joke: One day a genie appeared to a ...

One day a genie appeared to a California man and offered to grant him one wish.


The man said:” I wish you'd build a bridge from here to Hawaii so I could drive there anytime"


The genie frowned" I don't know. It sounds like quite an undertaking,” he said. "Just think of the logistics. The supports required reaching the bottom of the ocean, the concrete, and the steel! Why don't you pick something else?"


The man thought for a while and then said, "Okay, I wish for a complete understanding of women- what they are thinking, why they cry. I wish I knew how to make a woman truly happy".


The genie was silent for a minute, then said "So how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Joke: A man phones home from his office ...

A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." 


The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off.


A week later, the man returns and his wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?"
The man replies, "Yep, the fishing was great...but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."


His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't...I put them in your tackle box.
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Anything for wife?

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.


"No thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all."
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife?" he asked.


"Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Old age stamina

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.


The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."


So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"


She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves.


She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves.. by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."
He replied , "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this crap but me!"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Helicopter Flying Lessons

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly.

As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Joke: A very shy guy goes into a bar...

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"


She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.


Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." 


To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: A husband and wife at a hotel ...

A husband and wife at a hotel asked for a 6am alarm call. On the stroke of 6, the phone rang and a voice said: "This is your wake-up call."

 

The guest said thanks and put the phone down. A minute later the phone rang again and the voice said: "This is your wake-up call."

 

Annoyed, the husband said: "You phoned only a minute ago." "I know," replied the receptionist, "but there are two of you."
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Joke: Mouse Tattoo

There is a woman sitting with a bunch of guys at a bar.


The guys were all showing off their tattoos and uttering sexist remarks as to how women cannot take enough pain to get a tattoo.

After listening to the guys gloat for a little bit longer, the woman states, "Well, I have a tattoo, too!"

The men all look surprised.

The woman continues, "I have a tattoo of a cute little grey mouse in a rather private place. Do you want to see my tattoo?"

The guys are getting excited as the crowd starts gathering around the woman..

Without much ado, the woman stands up, undoes her pants and drops them. She then looks down, looks kind of confused, and gives the men a wimpish smile.

One of the men asks, "What's wrong, sweet lady?"

The woman, with a big smile on her face, answers, "Oh, nothing, I can't show you my little mouse tattoo after all. My pussy must have eaten it."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Leader Of The HMO

Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor 'what did you do on Earth?'


The Doctor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor, 'you may go in.'


St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her 'you may go in.'


St. Peter asked the third man, 'what did you do?' The man hung his head and replied, 'I ran a large HMO.' To which St. Peter replied, 'you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.' 
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: A trip to the dentist...

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill.

"I'm shocked!" she complained.

"This is three times what you normally charge."

"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you screamed so loudly, you scared away two other patients."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: What Is Your Problem?

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?


Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.


Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: One day a boy asked his Grandpa ...

One day a boy asked his Grandpa, "Grandpa, make a frog sound." 

The grandfather asked why? 

The boy said, "Grandma says when you croak we are going to Hawaii.
 
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: The teacher wrote on the black...

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months."

 

Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"

Little Johnny raised his hand and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: My dad

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.


"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Tommy," replied the second.

"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.

 

Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Billy.

"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.


 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Oh to be in the 5th grade again

A teacher asks the kids in her 5th grade class: 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'


Little Larry says: 'I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.'


The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson
'And how about you, Sarah?'


'I wanna be Larry's whore'

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Joke: 2 Government Mechanical Engineers

Bill and Bob, two Government mechanical engineers, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole', said Bob, 'But we don't have a ladder.'


The woman said, 'Hand me that wrench out of your toolbox.'
She loosened a few bolts, then laid the pole down.
She then took a tape measure from their toolbox, took a measurement and announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches' and walked away.
Ray shook his head and laughed.


'Ain't that just like a 'Miss-know-it-all' woman?' he said.
'We need the height and she gave us the length!'
Bob and Ray are still working for the Government.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Chicken legs...

A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH.

He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him.

He sped up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up.

The man then noticed that the chicken had three legs, so he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm.

The curious man got out of his car and noticed that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer, "What's up with these chickens?"

The farmer explained, "Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm gonna be a millionaire."

"How do they tasted?" asked the man.

"Don't know," replied the farmer, "haven't caught one yet."


 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: A husband and wife were at a party

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.


"Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained.

 

"She was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Domestic Affairs

 

I told my son, "You will marry the girl I choose." 

He said, "No." 

I told him, "She is Bill Gate's daughter." 

He said, "Yes." 

I called Bill Gates and said, "I want your daughter to marry my son." 

Bill Gates said, "No". 

I told Bill Gates, "My son is the CEO of World Bank." 

Bill Gates said, "Okay". 

I called the president of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO. 

He said, "No". 

I told him, "My son is Bill Gate's son-in-law." 

He said, "Okay." 

And this is how politics works!

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: They were looking down into the...

They were looking down into the depths of the Grand Canyon.

 

"Do you know," asked the guide, "that it took millions and millions of years for this great abyss to be carved out?"


"Well, I'll be darned," exclaimed the traveler. "I never knew this was a government job."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: A teacher sees a lad entering ...

A teacher sees a lad entering the classroom with his hands were dirty. 

She stopped him and said, John, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?
 

Smiling the boy replied,
I think I’d be too polite to mention it. 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Carry a flashlight

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"


"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...