Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: Blind Man

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. 

So, the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." 

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut up." 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A chicken and an egg are lying...

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.

The egg mutters, to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The boss was concerned that his ...

The boss was concerned that his employees weren’t giving him enough respect, so he tried and old-fashioned method of persuasion’

 

He brought in a sign that said “I’m the Boss” and taped it to his door.

 

After lunch, he noticed someone had taped another note under his. “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”

[worldangel]

Joke: Mini Cooper

 

This guy comes back from the toilet, when a woman says to him, "Hey, you have left your GARAGE door open"!"

 

As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile, "Did you see my big black hummer?"

 

The woman replies, "Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires."

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: The psychiatrist & the LAN Cable

 

A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored.

 

Suddenly, the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs.

 

His mouth was full with pieces of coloured plastic.

 

He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself.

 

The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, "And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake..."

 

The man shook his head. "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice your legs. You're a dragon, right?" The man shook his head again angrily.

 

"Sorry... a worm?" The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces. "Go to hell, you idiot! I'm the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Afraid to pee ...............

 

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.

 

After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.

 

Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.

 

I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.

 

Now I'm afraid to pee.

[worldangel]

Joke: A little boy asked his teacher...

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your hand.' The boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.'

He was then sent to the principal’s office and the principal asked him, 'What do you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do you have in your hand.'

So, the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent to his room and his dad came in and said, 'What do you have in your hand.' So, again the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he get scared away.'

Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, 'Open your hands!'
And the little boy said, 'Look Dad you scared the crap out of him.'

[worldangel]

Joke: Sell it all

A man calls his stockbroker all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice. He says, "Sell it all, sell everything fast, right away." The stockbroker tries to explain that the market is cyclical in nature and that for long term outlook stocks still remain the place to be.

The man says, "Let me tell you a secret. You know I've been married for 6 years now and I've been your client for 5 years."
"Yes, go on," the stockbroker says.

"Well. My wife has this thing about the market. Her grandparents lost it all in the great crash and ever since then her family found investing in the market akin to original sin. When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the stock market and always leave all our money under the mattress."

"Wow, I didn't know that. I guess you want the money because the market is going down, in case she asks for it."
"No, I want the money because she ordered a new mattress and it is being delivered in two days."

[worldangel]

Joke: Two words....

The other day I had the opportunity to drop by my department head's office.

 

He's a friendly guy and, on the rare opportunities that I have to pay him a visit, we have had enjoyable conversations.

While I was in his office, I asked him, "Sir, what is the secret of your success?"

He said, "Two words." "And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions." "But how do you make right decisions?"

"One word," he responded. "And, Sir, what is that?"

"Experience." "And how do you get experience?"

"Two words." "And, Sir what are they?"

"Wrong decisions."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Low Bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. He passed a sign that said “low bridge ahead.”

Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he could not avoid getting stuck under the bridge. You could say that he got a “Truck Wedgie.”

Cars were backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car and walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, “Got stuck, huh?”

The gutsy truck driver said, “No officer, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!”
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Pregnancy advice 

 

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea 

'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked. 

'Actually, yes, I do.' 

'Does it hurt you?' he asked. 

'No. I rather like it.' 

'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.' 

The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?' 

'Of course,' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think politicians come from?

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Switchboard 

 

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I’m Sum Wan ..And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It’s urgent.
Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I’m Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A young blonde was on vacation...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. 

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.

She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

 

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Bee Inconspicuous

Two bees ran into each other. The first bee asked the other how things were going. 

"Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I can't make any honey." 

"No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fruit." 

"Thanks for the tip," said the second bee, and he flew away. 
A few hours later, the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked, "How'd it go?" "Great!" said the second bee. "It was everything you said it would be." 

"Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee. 
"That's my yarmulke," said the second bee. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

[worldangel]

Joke: Two molecules are walking down...

Two molecules are walking down the street; one bumps into the other and says: "Oh, my fault, you okay?” 

The Second Molecule says: "No, I'm not ok, I've lost an electron!" So the first molecule says: "Are you sure" the second molecule answers, "I'm positive!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Man Who Kidnapped Your Wife

The phone rings. "Hello," says the husband.

A voice from the other side answers, "I am the man who kidnapped your wife and I demand you to pay $100,000 dollars if you want her back."

The husband replies, "How about I pay you $200,000 dollars and you keep her?"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Anything In Your Hand?  

My goodness! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast. "I got in a tiff with Riley."

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."

"Oh dear. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"

"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's tit. And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight."

[worldangel]

Joke: Mirror Mirror

Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror.

"This picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."

[worldangel]

Joke: College Writing

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.

"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."

The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"
"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Job Performance Review

“Suppose,” says the old salt of a sea captain, testing his new recruit, “that a sudden storm springs up on your starboard side. What would you do?”

“Throw out an anchor, sir,” says the new sailor.

“And what would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”

“Throw out another anchor, sir,” the raw recruit replies.

“Now,” says the captain, “a storm springs up forward of the ship. What would you do this time?”

“Throw out another anchor, Captain.”

“Hold on, hold on. Where are you getting all these anchors from?”

“From the same place you're getting your storms, sir,” replied the new recruit.

He got to keep his job.

[worldangel]

Joke: A window salesman phoned a beekeeper ...

A window salesman phoned a beekeeper.

"Hello, Mr. Brown," said the sales rep. "I'm calling because our company replaced all the windows in your honey-house with our triple-glazed weather-tight windows over a year ago, and you still haven't sent us a single payment. I know beekeepers haven't much money, but we really need to be paid."

Mr. Brown replied, "But you said they'd pay for THEMSELVES in 12 months."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: An old man lived alone in New ...

An old man lived alone in New Mexico. He wanted to spade his chili garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son, Francisco, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament...

"Oye Francisco, I feeling pretty bat cuz I do not think I will be able to plant my chili garden this year. I just getting too old to dig a garden, but if you waz here, all mi problemas wood be over. I know you wood dig the plot for me. Siempre, tu poppy "

A few days later he received a letter from his son...

"Dear Poppy, Por favor, no, don't dig up the garden, that's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Francisco"

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son...

"Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the chili now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Francisco"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Getting the Children Ready

During the cold winter a family was preparing to go out for an evening activity. The wife, who was normally bustling about getting the children ready to leave, was this evening instead standing right inside the front door, her arms full of coats.

And instead of being prepared to leave, her four small children were busy running circles around her playing one of their non-stop games of tag.

Her husband, coming down the stairs, was shocked at the spectacle.

“Honey,” he said, “What are you doing just standing there? We'll be late!”

“Here,” his wife replied, handing him the coats with a smug smile, “I thought that this time you would like to have the privilege of putting the children into their coats, while I go and honk the horn.”
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Dumb Johnny is sitting in...

Dumb Johnny is sitting in class. His teacher, Miss Izakunteetair hates Dumb Johnny. She always puts him in the back of the class and can't stand dealing with him 'cause he's such a fxckin' idiot.

Miss Izakunteetair: OK children, today's word is definitely. Can anyone show me that they know the definition of the word 'definitely' by using it in a sentence?" 

A few of the kids raise their hands, including Dumb Johnny who seems very impatient and eager to answer the question. The teacher calls on Suzie instead. Suzie answers " The grass is definitely green." The teacher responds, "Well, we can't say that that's definitely true because sometimes the grass is brown so, good try but...anyone else?"

Again, several student hands go up, including Dumb Johnny's. The mean ol' teacher makes a point of not choosing
Johnny. She instead calls on Jake, another jerk. Jake says, "My Mom is definitely the best cook in the world!" Teacher "Well, that's your opinion.

 

There are other people who think that their Mom is the best cook in the world. It's true for you but it may not be true for everyone so we can't say that it's 'definitely' true." Johnny is still raising his hand eagerly and never being called on. All the kids try and all the kids fail until the Teacher has no choice, she finally calls on Dumb Johnny. "Oh all right! Johnny. Tell me something that's definitely true." Dumb Johnny says, "OK. But first I have to ask you a question." Teacher (sighing) "Whaaat?"

Johnny "Do farts have lumps?" Teacher "Of course not! Everyone knows that! Farts do not have lumps!" Johnny "Oh, OK. Then I definitely shit my pants."

[worldangel]

 Joke: A man died and his wife phoned...

A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary.

 

She called the obituary department and said, "This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead."

 

The man at the newspaper said, "But for $25 you are allowed to print six words."

 

The woman answered, "OK. Then print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale."
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: The out-of-state couple are camping ...

The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet.

The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.

"That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire."

About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue.

"What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.

"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"

"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts.

He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.

"Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.

A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. "I did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"

The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint is dry."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A blonde and a redhead met in ...

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. 

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.' 

The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.
So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.

The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: A frog telephones the Psychic ...

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline for advice. 

The Psychic tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." 

The frog is thrilled... "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" 

"No," says his Advisor," in her biology class." 
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Medical student wisdom

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students.

“As you can see,” she says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?”

“Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I'd limp too.”
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Wish granted???

A couple had been married for 35 years, and the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish.

The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand.

Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said boldly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than I." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and BOOM! He was now 90.

[worldangel]

Joke: Cabbie

One dismal rainy night in big city a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.

 

Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

'Where to?' he stammered.

'Kings Cross,' answered the woman.

'You got it,' he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, 'Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?'

'Well, madam,' he answered, 'I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare.'

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, 'Does this answer your question?'

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, 'Got anything smaller?'

[worldangel]

Joke: A nurse was on duty ...

A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered.

 

This young woman had purple hair styled into a Mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.

 

It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: "Keep off the grass."

After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing, which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Peter met Sharon in a nightclub...

Peter met Sharon in a nightclub.

 

They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Peter to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.

Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other.

After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Peter's manhood. Surprised but appreciative, Peter comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more already?"

Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had mine."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Little Johnny was sitting in class...

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question:

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"

"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly off."

"The correct answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like your thinking."

Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ?

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking her cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you think!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: The judge warned the witness, ...

The judge warned the witness, “Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?” 

I do.” 

Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?” 

Sure,” said the witness. “My side will win.” 

[worldangel]

Joke: Was I born? 

 

Daddy, how was I born?  Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! 

 

Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe.

 

We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick.

 

As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall.

 

Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Request Before Death

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.

"Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain.

"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Bad Temper Problem

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Discharge

A young lady walks into a doctor’s office. "Doctor I'm suffering from a terrible discharge."

The doctor lays her down, lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and asks her, "How does that feel?"

The young lady replies, "Oooh doctor, that feels lovely... but the discharge is from my ear!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A professor of chemistry wanted...

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

 

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water.

 

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

 

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

 

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked. 

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A woman rushes into the foyer ...

A woman rushes into the foyer of a large hotel and sprints up to reception, she hammers on the bell.

Yes, says the receptionist irritably.

Excuse me, says the woman, ‘but I’m in a frightful hurry, could you check me out, please?’

The clerk stares at her, looks her up and down.’Not bad,’ he smiles, ‘not bad at all.’

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Barking dog

One night our dog suddenly began barking almost every night at around 3 a.m.

Irritated and sleepy, my husband, Larry, searched the backyard for what might have disturbed this otherwise peaceful animal.

For three days he found nothing amiss. When the dog woke up the neighbourhood a fourth night at 3 a.m. with frantic barking, Larry finally snuck around the house through the alley only to discover our quiet neighbour, the last man you'd suspect of wrongdoing, throwing pebbles over the fence at the dog.

My husband demanded to know what he was doing.

“My mother-in-law is visiting,” the embarrassed neighbour explained. “If she gets woken up in the middle of the night one more time she says she'll leave.”
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Dents

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

 

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

 

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. 

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" 

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...  "HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows" 

[worldangel]

Joke: Back Seat Necking

The Kentuckian and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car.

"Want to go in the back seat?" she asked.

"Nope", he replied.

A few minutes later she asked, “Now do you want to get in the back seat?”

"No, I don't", he said again, "I wanna stay here in the front seat with you."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: High jump

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo.

 

Knowing that he could hop very high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence.

 

He was out the next morning, just wandering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they'll go?”

The kangaroo said, “Pretty high, unless somebody figures out to lock the gate at night!”

[worldangel]

Joke: A new teacher was trying to make ...

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. 

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" 

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. 

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" 

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" 

[worldangel]

Joke: In The Army

A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself, as a man and joined the army.

“But, wait a minute,” said the listener, “She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?”

“Sure,” replied the man.

“Well, won't they find out?”

“And who's gonna tell?”
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Wedding night

Three guys who have just got married are sitting in their hotel bar after all the receptions having a beer.

 

As they talk, it transpires that all three are virgins, and are a bit naive about how many times they can expect to have sex with their new bride that evening.

One devises a plan of how they can relay this information to the others at breakfast without getting a slap.

`All we do is order as many rounds of toast for how many times you had it last night,' he says, and the others readily agree.

At breakfast the next morning, all three guys look very happy with themselves. The first bloke orders cornflakes, and in a loud voice asks for four slices of toast, and the others give him a wink and a thumbs-up.

The next guy orders scrambled eggs, and again in a voice so the others can hear, orders six slices of toast. Again, his mates give him a `good-on-yer' look.

The next guy orders a full English breakfast, and then asks for eight slices of toast. His mates give a low whistle of approval, and as the waiter walks away, the guy says to the waiter, `Oh, and could you make two of those brown, please, mate.'
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A new teacher was trying to make ...

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" 

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. 

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" 

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Birthday surprise...

Jane was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. The Aunt asked how she was going to spend it.

"I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to Heaven." the little girl replied.

"He'll be just as surprised as I was at not getting a dollar like usual."