Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: When the mother returned from ...

When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for. 

He then spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter. 


"What are you doing?" his mom asked. 

"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

[worldangel]

Joke: A guy walks into a bar and demands ...

A guy walks into a bar and demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"

The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"

The other guy politely asks "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Pun with string

A string walked into a bar, hopped on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."

Disappointed, the string hopped down from the stool and went to the next bar. He hopped on the barstool and said, again, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."
 

The string continued down the row of bars in this fashion. At every bar, he hopped on the barstool and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender at every bar in turn said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."

Finally he got to the last bar in the area. He was tired, he was sweaty, all he wanted was a beer. He trudged inside, climbed on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." This bartender, too, said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."

Tired and angry, the string walked outside to think. He was a hard-working string. He deserved a beer. Finally, he came up with an idea. He had a passer by tie him up into a bow and frazzle his ends. Then he went back into the bar, and climbed up on the barstool. "Bartender, gimme a beer!" he said loudly.

The bartender looked him over critically, and finally yelled, "Hey, aren't you that string that was in here a few minutes ago?"
The string replied coolly, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Several cannibals were recently...

Several cannibals were recently hired by Talk Show

"You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees."

The cannibals promised to be good. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat the secretary!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Reaching the end of a job interview...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" 

The engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." 

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" 

The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" 

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it." 

[worldangel]

Joke: A police officer was investigating ...

A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on.

One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!"

After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage.

 

The police officer asked, "That old lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of the road. Why not?

In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road --- if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!"

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Two blondes were in a parking ...

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.

The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

[worldangel]

Joke: A guy walks into the doctor's ...

A guy walks into the doctor's office.

 

There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."

[worldangel]

Joke: Playing doctor...

After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor's boy, the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother.

"It's only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age." the neighbour said.

"Forget sexuality!" The mother yelled. "He took out her appendix!"

[worldangel]

Joke: This guy was lonely, and decided...

This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So, he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So, he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?"

But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"

A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my fxcking shoes."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: An elderly woman called 911 on...

An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to. 

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. 

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." 
 

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." 

[worldangel]

Joke: Two Cows are …..

Two Cows are talking through a fence. 

One cow says to the other, "You know, I'm really worried about this Mad Cow Disease." 

The other cow says to him, "I wouldn't be too worried about it. It can't affect us chickens." 

[worldangel]

Joke: Old flame...

A couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. She recognized him as an old flame.

"Honey," she said to her husband, as she pointed out the man, "that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

Her husband said, "That's silly, no one celebrates that much!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Use these words in a sentence....

Children were called upon a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher.

 

The teacher smiled when Jack, a slow learner, raised his hand to participate during the challenge of making a sentence with the words "Defeat," "Defense," "Deduct," and "Detail."

Jack stood thinking for a while, all eyes focused on him while his classmates awaited his reply. Smiling, he then proudly shouted out, "Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail."

[worldangel]

Joke: Raffle prizes!

Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when the decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighbourhood bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti! How about you, how's that toilet brush?"

"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."

[worldangel]

Joke: The Piano tuner

A man moved to another state where he didn't know anyone. In the move, his old piano was jarred, and of course it needed to be tuned when the man arrived.

So he asked around, and was told that Earl Opporknockity was the best piano tuner in the area. The man called Earl and hired him to tune his piano.

Earl had a keen ear and a deft touch, and did a wonderful job tuning the old piano. The man was able to play beautiful music once again, and was very pleased.

After a year or so the old piano started producing sour notes again. So the man called Earl, and asked him to come work his magic on the old piano again.

To the man's surprise, Earl refused, saying "Sorry, I can't accept the job."
"Why not?" the man wanted to know. "I'll pay you twice as much as last time if you'll just come tune my piano."

"Haven't you heard?" Earl asked, "Opporknockity only tunes once."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A man went to a brain store to...

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study.

 

He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

'How much does it cost for engineer brain?'

'Three dollars an ounce.'

'How much does it cost for programmer brain?'

'Four dollars an ounce.'

'How much for lawyer brain?'

'$1,000 an ounce.'

'Why is lawyer brain so much more?'

'Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?'
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A little boy asked his teacher...

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands.

 

When he got back to class his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your hand.' The boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.'

He was then sent to the principal’s office and the principal asked him, 'What do you have in your hand.'

So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do you have in your hand.'

So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent to his room and his dad came in and said, 'What do you have in your hand.' So again the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he get scared away.'

Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, 'Open your hands!'
And the little boy said, 'Look Dad you scared the crap out of him.'

[worldangel]

Joke: A woman goes into a sporting goods store...

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. 

"It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk. 

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. 

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Is honesty the best policy?

After two years of marriage, Tom was still questioning his wife about her lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," Tom asked for the thousandth time, "how many men have you been with?"

"Baby, " she protested, "If I told you, you'd throw a fit."

Tom promised he wouldn't get angry, and convinced his wife to tell him.

"Okay," she said, then started to count on her fingers, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen.....”
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A man gets pulled over by the ...

A man gets pulled over by the police for speeding.

 

The cop walks up to the car and says to the driver, “Sir, did you know that you were going 60 miles an hour?"

 

The driver says, "Officer, there is no way I could have been going 60 miles an hour!"

 

The cop says, “Really! Why is that?

 

The driver replies," I could not have been going 60 miles an hour because I've only been out driving for 25 minutes."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Bum Deodorant

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bum deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Two blondes, Carol and Patty...

Two blondes, Carol and Patty, were walking down the street.

Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up.

 

She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."

 

Patty said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the Compact.

Patty looked in the mirror and said, "You dummy, it's me!

[worldangel]

Joke: To impress his date, a young man...

To impress his date, a young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. 

After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. 

"We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said. 

"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That’s the owner." 

[worldangel]

Joke: One-eyed pirate

A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?"

The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!"
His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?"

"No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys."
Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye?"
The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye."

The land-lubber asked: "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?"
The pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Police Dog

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI.

 

"Well," says the personnel director, "You'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute."

Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.

"Also," says the director, "You must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course."

This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.

"There's one last requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual."

With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Census...

Census Taker: 'How many children do you have?' 
Woman: 'Four.' 

Census Taker: 'May I have their names, please?' 
Woman: 'Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George.' 

Census Taker: 'Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?' 
Woman: 'Because we didn't want any Moe.'

[worldangel]

Joke: Bowling teams

Two bowling teams charter a double-decker bus; they're going to Atlantic City for the weekend. One team is in the bottom of the bus, and the other team is in the top of the bus.

 

The team down below is whooping it up when one of them realizes he doesn't hear anything from the top. He walks up the stairs, and here are all the guys from the second team clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles, scared to death.

He says, "What the heck's goin' on? We're down here havin' a grand old time."
One of the guys from the second team says, "Yeah, but you guys've got a driver."

[worldangel]

 

Joke: There was once a great actor, ...

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally, after many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

 

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk onto the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line... 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"  The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line, over and over again. Finally the time came. 

The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion, he delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress". 
The theatre erupted, the audience screamed with laughter... and the director was steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!" 

The actor, quite bewildered, asked, "What happened, did I forget my line?" he asked. 
"No!" the director screamed.... "You forgot the bloody rose!"

[worldangel]

 Joke: A man placed some flowers on the...

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave. 

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you die? Why did you die?" 

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?" 

The mourner answered, "My wife's first husband! ... 'Why did you die? Why did you die?" 

[worldangel]

Joke: On their second night after the...

On their second night after the wedding, the two blissful newlyweds shut off the lights and crawl under the sheets.

 

Turning anxiously towards his bride, he tenderly informs his wife that tonight he wants a hand job instead of the usual stuff.

 

She, being the proper girl that she is, had absolutely no idea what a "hand job" was.

 

So, she gets out of bed, puts on her robe and heads for the phone to call her mom.

"Mom," she says, "My new hubby wants a hand job and I don't know what he means."

"Oh, Honey," says her mother, "that's real simple. Just grab his thing and shake it like you were trying to get ketchup out of a bottle."

"Gee, Mom, that's easy enough," she replies. So she hangs up the phone, removes her robe and crawls back into the sack.

 

She snuggles up to her lover, grabs his thing firmly with one hand and starts beating the end with the other.

[worldangel]

 Joke: The drunken defendant appears ...

The drunken defendant appears yet again before the tired judge, who says, "You have been constantly appearing before me for the past twenty years."

 

Replied the drunk: "Can I help it if you can't get promoted?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Sexual sofa

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman.

"Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked.

"Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."

"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.

"Sectional, schmectional." she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The Gift

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

 

The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

 

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.

 

The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. 

"Is it wine?" she guessed. 

"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ? 

"No," said the little boy... "It's a puppy!" 

[worldangel]

Joke: A stage....

During a performance for the high school talent show at the local theater, a hole was cracked in the stage floor.

 

Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee.

He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in the back of the theater shouted:

"Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!"

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Grounds for Divorce

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked,
"What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please. . ." he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He says he can't communicate with me !!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Coffee Maker

The newlywed Blonde went to the store to ask how to operate the new coffeemaker received as a wedding gift.

 

The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.

A few weeks later the goober was back in the store and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee maker.

"Wonderful!" she replied, "But... it's just awfully inconvenient to have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: I was packing for my business ...

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.

 

At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them. Went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A man phones home from his office ...

A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime.

 

I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." 

The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off.

A week later, the man returns and his wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?"

The man replies, "Yep, the fishing was great...but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."

His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't...I put them in your tackle box.

[worldangel]

Joke: A man runs to the doctor ...

A man runs to the doctor and says: "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!" 

The doctor asks: How long was she had this condition?" 

"Two years." replies the man. 

"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the doctor. The man shrugs his shoulders and replies: "We needed the eggs"

[worldangel]

Joke: Squeeze a lemon

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.

 

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.

 

Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I'd like to try the bet"

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.

 

Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass!!

 

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The scrawny little man replied "I work for the IRS."

[worldangel]

Joke: Passing A School Bus

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

"Unlawful to Pass School Bus from Either Direction"

I guess that some people misunderstood that, because now it reads:

"Unlawful to Pass Stopped School Bus from Either Direction".
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A man goes into his local building ...

A man goes into his local building supply store and orders 10,000 bricks.

"May I ask what you're building?" asks the man behind the counter.

"It's going to be a barbecue."

"Wow, that's a lot of bricks for one barbecue."

"Not really. You see, I live on the 12th floor."

[worldangel]

Joke: My Husband's Vasectomy

"I've got to get to the doctor and renew my prescription of birth control pills," said Edna to Priscilla.

"But I thought you said your husband had a vasectomy," Priscilla responded.

"He did. That's why I can't afford to get pregnant."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: How Dare You In Front of My Wife 

While eating a local diner, Mr. And Mrs. Mars exchanged horrified looks as the trucker sitting next to them lets out an enormous belch.

Indignantly tapping him on the shoulder, Mr. Mars says, “How dare you belch like that before my wife!

Looking up from his soup, the trucker says, “Sorry. I didn’t know it was her turn.”
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: The Missing Diaphragm 

A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his house for an early-afternoon quickie.

 

“Don’t worry,” he assures her, “my wife is out of town on a business trip, so there’s no risk.”

As things get hot and heavy, the secretary reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, “We have to stop! I forgot to bring birth control!”

“No problem,” he replies, “I’ll get my wife’s diaphragm.”

After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in fury.

 

“That witch!” he exclaims. “She took it with her! I always knew she didn’t trust me!”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Where Is Her Heart

A ninety-year-old woman decides that she’s seen and done everything, and the time has come to depart from this world.

 

After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she comes to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method is to shoot herself through the heart.

The trouble is she isn’t certain about exactly where her heart is, so she phones her doctor and asks him. He tells her that her heart is located two inches above her left nipple.

So she shoots herself in the left kneecap.

[worldangel]

Joke: Tastes Like Orange

An inventor, looking for a loan, told his banker that he’d discovered a remarkable substance that brushed lightly over a lady’s p*ssy, would give it an orange flavour.

“No good,” the banker responded, after some though.

 

 “But if you can invent something to put into an orange that will make it taste like p*ssy, you can have your loan and we’ll both get rich!”

[worldangel]

Joke: Hearing From Our Lawyer 

The fence between Heaven and Hell broke. St. Peter was sent to talk to Lucifer about who’s going to fix the fence.

No agreement was reach and St. Peter said, “You will be hearing from our lawyer!”

To that, Lucifer replied, “Where are you going to get one?”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Footloose

The giddy dame decided to put her cards on the table. She snuck up to the playboy at the bar and whispered, “I’m footloose.”

He looked her over carefully and said, “The rest of you can stand tightening too.”