worldangel Posted August 9, 2021 Report Share Posted August 9, 2021 Joke: Here To Stay A visitor to a mental institution asks the director how they decided which patients should be kept in. The director replies, “We fill up a bath and then offer the patient the choice of a teaspoon, teacup or a bucket and ask them to empty the bathtub.” The visitor then says, “Oh, I see – a normal person would choose the bucket because it’s the biggest.” The director responds, “No, a normal person would pull the plug out. Would you like a bed near the window?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 9, 2021 Report Share Posted August 9, 2021 Joke: Make Sure She’s Dead A blonde and a redhead are walking in the woods one day when the redhead suddenly has a heart attack and falls to the ground. Shocked, the blonde takes out her phone, calls the police and shouts, “Help! I think my friend is dead, what should I do?” The policeman who answered the phone says, “Ok, calm down and listen to me. The first thing to do is to make sure that they really are dead….” There’s a silence… Then a loud gunshot… Then the blonde comes back on the phone and says, “Okay, now what?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 9, 2021 Report Share Posted August 9, 2021 Joke: Autocorrected Text A man received a text from his neighbour: “I’m so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I’ve been tapping your wife, day and night, when you’re not around. In fact, more than you. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.” The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: “Damn autocorrect. I meant ‘wifi’ not ‘wife’!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Six Pints Of Milk The other day my wife asked me, “Could you go to the shop for me on the way home from work and buy one pint of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.” When I got home with 6 pints of milk she asked me, “Why did you buy 6 pints of milk?” I replied, “They had avocados.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Just One Potato I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, “How many potatoes would you like Tim?” I said “Ooh, I’ll just have one please.” She said “It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.” “Alright,” I said, “I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Dog Walks Into Bar A dog walks into a bar, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, ‘Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please’. The barman says, ‘Wow, that’s amazing! You should join the circus!’ The dog replies, ‘Why? Do they need electricians?’ Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Breakfast In Bed Women can be so ungrateful sometimes. I made her breakfast in bed and instead of saying “Thank you”, she was all like… “How did you get in my house?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Surprise Me I was tired and bored one night so I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, “What’ll you have?” I said, “Surprise me.” He showed me a naked picture of my wife. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Bear With Me A bear walks into a bar and says to the barman, “I’ll have a whisky and……… …….soda.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?” “Dunno,” says the bear. “I’ve always had them.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Butterfly Life My wife said, “Did you know butterflies only live for one day?” I said, “That’s a myth.” She said, “No, it’s definitely a butterfly.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Deck of Cards I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino. After four weeks they still hadn’t been delivered so I rang them up to see what was going on. They told me they were still dealing with my order… Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: How To Tell The Sex Of An Ant You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it in a bowl of water. If it sinks: girl ant If it floats: boy ant Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Don’t Lick The Knife “Do you really have to lick the knife?” she asked. “Sorry, force of habit,” I said. “Lots of people do it though, don’t they?” “Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: WhatsApp Problems WhatsApp keeps crashing on my phone and won’t run properly. So, I’ve downloaded something called “The Bugs Bunny” to fix it. It’s a WhatsApp Doc. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: No Animals Were Injured You know how the credits at the end of movies always say something like “No animals were injured in the making of this film”? Well, what if they were? Do they list it in the credits? Brian hurt one monkey. He is very sorry. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: No Control And No Escape I can’t see an end. I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape – I don’t even have a home anymore. Definitely time for a new keyboard. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Definitely No Swimming I went fishing at the weekend and there was this guy splashing about in the middle of the lake shouting, “I can’t swim! I can’t swim!” “It’s alright, buddy,” I shouted, pointing at a nearby sign, “It says no swimming anyway”. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Batman Impression My friend said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I said, “That’s Superman.” He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: I Think I’m A Moth I walked into the dentist’s and said, “I think I’m a moth.” The dentist said, “I don’t think you should be here. You need to see a psychiatrist.” I said, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.” He said, “What are you doing here then?” I said, “The light was on.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Quitting Smoking This guy always smoked two cigarettes at a time. If anyone ever asked him why, he would always answer, “I’m smoking one for myself and one for my brother who is in jail.” One day he was only smoking one cigarette. Someone asked him “Is your brother out of jail?” He replied, “No, I quit.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Once, Twice, Three Times A Blonde A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says: “Do you want to hear a funny blonde joke?” The big woman replies: “Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I’m blonde, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I’m a professional athlete and bodybuilder. Also, the blonde woman sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 220 pounds and is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blonde who is 6’5″, weighs 245 pounds, and she is a current professional kick-boxer. Now, do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?” The guy thinks about it a second and says: “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Family Troubles A man walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Give me six double vodkas.” The barman says, “Wow, you must have had one hell of a day.” “Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay.” The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what’s wrong, the man says, “I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!” On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?” The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, “Yeah, my wife!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Silent But Deadly This little old lady visits her doctor and says to him, “I have a problem with really bad gas, Doctor, but to be honest it really doesn’t bother me too much because my farts are always silent and never, ever smell. Actually, I must have farted at least fifteen times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t even realize I was farting because like I said my farts don’t smell and are completely silent.” The doctor replies, “I see, hmm…. try taking one of these pills every night and come back and see me again next week.” The next week the little old lady returns to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I don’t know what the hell those pills were that you gave me, but now my farts, although they are still silent, my Goodness, they stink awful!” The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Silent But Deadly This little old lady visits her doctor and says to him, “I have a problem with really bad gas, Doctor, but to be honest it really doesn’t bother me too much because my farts are always silent and never, ever smell. Actually, I must have farted at least fifteen times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t even realize I was farting because like I said my farts don’t smell and are completely silent.” The doctor replies, “I see, hmm…. try taking one of these pills every night and come back and see me again next week.” The next week the little old lady returns to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I don’t know what the hell those pills were that you gave me, but now my farts, although they are still silent, my Goodness, they stink awful!” The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Got A Light? Today this guy at work asked me for a cigarette lighter. I said, “Of course, give me your packet.” He handed over his packet of cigarettes and I took one out and gave it him back saying, “There you go.” “What’s that?” he said all confused. I said, “It’s a cigarette lighter.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Expectant Father An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his pregnant wife was getting on. By mistake he was connected to the Lord’s cricket ground. “How’s it going?” he asked. “Fine,” came the answer, “We’ve got three out and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Dog Poop I was walking along the street yesterday when I slipped in some dog poop. A minute later this big guy did the same thing. I said to him, “I just did that.” He punched me in the face. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Won’t Do That Again I knocked at my neighbour’s door today. “Your son has just run out in front of my car,” I snapped. “I nearly killed him.” “I’m so sorry,” she gasped. “He won’t be doing it again.” “I know he won’t,” I replied. “The paramedic said that he was probably paralyzed.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Stand Up A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One child stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: The Evil Eye A six-foot five skinhead was giving me evil looks in the pub. I said, “Keep looking at me like that and you’ll be spending the night in A&E.” He said, “I’d like to see you try!” So, I stabbed his wife. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Hard To Get Hold Of “Are you serious – I can’t believe you’ve never had a mobile phone?” asked a girl I was chatting to in a nightclub. “What if your parents died and someone needed to get hold of you?” “Well, that’s hardly likely to happen, they died 6 years ago!” I said angrily. “Oh, I’m so sorry, you still sound really hurt?” she replied. I said, “Of course I am, I only heard about it 2 days ago.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: On Her Death Bed A young woman is lying on her death bed close to the end. Her husband comes into the room and gently takes hold of her hand to comfort her. The woman musters up what’s left of her strength and whispers, “Darling, I must come clean with you”. The man hushes her, telling her to save her strength. She ignores him and continues anyway telling him that she hasn’t been completely faithful to him and that she’s had multiple affairs with his brother, father, sister and uncle. The man replies, “I know darling, why do you think I poisoned you?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: A Romantic Wife A wife, being of romantic disposition, sent a text to her husband one day. It read, “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, sent me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!” The husband, a typically non-romantic man, replied, “I am on the toilet. Please advice…” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Don’t Blame The Dog This young couple are lying in bed when the guy starts farting non-stop. The girl can’t stand the smell and says, “Stop that! It’s disgusting!” The guy says, “Don’t blame me, it’s the dog.” “Don’t blame him,” says the girl. “He was cooked perfectly.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Getting Contractions My wife called me today while I was at work and said, “Honey, I’ve started to get contractions. I need you to drive to the hospital.” Forty-five minutes later when I got there, I called her back and asked, “Right I’m here, what do you want me to do now?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: How Many Doughnuts? Two blondes are walking down the street. The first one, who is carrying a bag of doughnuts, says to the other, “If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag you can have both of them.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Dizzy Spells I went to the Doctors yesterday and told him that I kept thinking I was Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. He said, “How long have you been having these Disney spells?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Very Tired I went to the doctors and told him, “Every time I fart the room fills with smoke and stinks of petrol. What’s wrong with me?” He said, “That’s easy. You’re exhausted.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: No Longer Needed? My wife came home with a new vibrator today and started waving it around, shouting “I don’t need you now! I don’t need you now!” Guess who had to put the batteries in… Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Waiting For A Bus A guy is walking down the street one day when he spots a man with no arms or legs waiting at a bus stop. He shouts out to him, “Hey buddy, how are you getting on?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: I’m a Lumberjack A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview. The interviewer asks him, “So, what experience do you have?” The lumberjack replies, “Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest.” The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, “The Sahara Forest? Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?” The lumberjack says, “Yeah, that’s what they call it now.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: It’s Me Or The Pub I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted, “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?” I paused for a second while I thought, and said, “It’s you, I can tell by the voice.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Hungry Monkey A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!”, says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little monkey. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks. “Now what?”, responds the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball, he measures everything first!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2021 Report Share Posted August 10, 2021 Joke: Password Strength My computer said I had to change my password. I entered “beefstew”. My computer said “Sorry password not stroganoff.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Bathroom scales A guy is standing on the bathroom scales desperately sucking in his stomach. “That’s not going to help,” says his wife. “Yes ,it will,” replies the man. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Wide awake I was lying in bed with my wife last night. She looked at me seductively and said, “I’m wide awake, babe.” I said, “You’re wide when you’re asleep too.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: School Reunion I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair. Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion.’ Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Gain weight Why do guys gain weight after they get married? Because when they’re single, they come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. When they’re married, they come home, see what’s in the bed, and go to the fridge. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: My wife I love you loads, honeypie.” My wife said to me earlier. I replied, “And I love you tons.” “What, no nickname for me?” She asked, disappointed. Sometimes I swear she’s going deaf. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2021 Report Share Posted August 11, 2021 Joke: Second opinion I went to the doctors today and he told me I was overweight. I said, “I want a second opinion.” He said, “Okay, you’re ugly too.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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