worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Ultimatum My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was a piece of cake. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Accident A man wakes up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouts, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replies, “I know you can’t, I’ve cut off your arms!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Hickory daiquiri doc A doctor had a regular habit of stopping off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home every evening. The bartender learned his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as five o’clock approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!” “No, I’m sorry,” replied the bartender, “It’s a hickory daiquiri doc.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: You’re two tents A guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, I keep having these alternating, recurring dreams. First, I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam; then I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor replies: “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Cigarette lighter Three men are on a boat one day. They all smoke and they’ve got four cigarettes but nothing to light them with. So, they throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: At a supermarket A boy had a job bagging-groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man eventually asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but the store manager turned down his request saying, “Sorry, kid, but baggers can’t be juicers.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Magician A magician told his audience that he would disappear on the count of three. He went, “Uno, dos…” And POOF! He disappeared without a tres. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Obsession with mathematics A newly-wed husband is discouraged by his wife’s obsession with mathematics. Afraid of playing second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her, “Do you love math more than me?” “Of course not, dear” she replies, “I love you much more!” Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her, “Well, then prove it!” She thinks for a bit before replying, “OK… Let epsilon be greater than zero…” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Give Me A Sentence The teacher says to her class one day, “Give me a sentence starting with an ‘I’.” Little Johnny says, “I is …” The teacher interrupts and says, “Stop! You never put ‘is’ after an ‘I’. You should always put ‘am’ after an ‘I’.” Little Johnny says, “Okay, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Duck In A Drug Store A duck waddles into the drug store and says, “Sorry, I don’t have my wallet today but I need to buy a condom.” The pharmacist says, “No problem. Shall I just put it on your bill?” The duck exclaims, “Sir! What kind of a duck do you think I am?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: A henpecked man got tired of his wife ….. A henpecked man got tired of his wife constantly picking on him, so he started playing poker on Friday nights with his buddies just to get some relief. After he came home she'd start right in on him again. After several weeks went by, he came home early one Friday night about 9:30. His wife asked him how come he was home early. He told her, "You need to pack your bags and go to Herb's house, I lost you to him in the card game tonight." His wife became furious and started to give him hell. She said, "Just how could you do such a thing!?" He replied, "It was the hardest thing I ever done... I had to fold with four aces." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke:H20 Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have some H20.” The second one says, “I’ll have some H20 too.” The second one dies. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Laptop I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.” Boss: Hard drive? Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Is it a boy or a girl? A logician’s wife is having a baby. Straight after the birth the doctor hands the baby to the father. The wife asks impatiently, “Is it a boy or a girl?” The logician replies, “Yes.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Keyboard My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2021 Report Share Posted August 12, 2021 Joke: Ctrl-P My grandpa asked me how to print on his computer. I told him it’s Ctrl-P. He said he hasn’t been able to do that for ages. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: My Neighbour Owes Me A man visited his lawyer and said to him, “My neighbour owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer. “No,” said the man. The lawyer said, “OK, then here’s what you should do. Send him a letter asking him for the $1,000 he owes you.” “But it’s only $500,’ replied the man. “Exactly! That’s what he’ll reply and then you’ll have your proof!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Good Reason For A Raise A maid wanted a raise in salary so she asked the lady of the house, who replied “Give me three good reasons why you should get a raise.” The maid said, “Ok. One – I can cook better than you.” The lady asked, “Who told you that?” “Your husband” replied the maid. “Two – I can iron better than you.” “Who told you that?” asked the lady indignantly. “Your husband” replied the maid. “Ok” said the lady. “What’s the third reason?” The maid said, “Three – I’m better in bed than you.” This time the lady was furious. “Did my husband tell you that?” she shouted. “No, the gardener did.” The lady doubled the maid’s wages instantly… Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Pampering My Girlfriend I love to pamper my girlfriend after she’s had a stressful day at work. I get her to text me when she’s leaving so, I can get the hot tap running, swirl around the foam and bubbles and time everything perfectly so that the moment she walks through the door...the dishes are piled up and waiting for her. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Technical issues A blonde’s office computer had technical issues. IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account. “It’s ‘MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'” she replied. “A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?” the support dude asked. She said, “Because the computer said the password has to be at least 5 characters and have a capital.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Look On The Bright Side My best mate, Dave passed away yesterday so I went to see his wife today. I said, “Look on the bright side, at least he’s not suffering anymore.” She said, “He wasn’t ill, he died all of a sudden.” I said, “I know, I meant being married to you.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: WWW3 While testing a newly installed computer, an army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: “Yes.” Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer barked, “Yes, what?” Instantly the machine replied, “Yes, sir!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Alzheimer disease Knock, knock. Who’s there? Steve. Steve who? Steve proceeds to break down into tears because his Grandmother’s Alzheimer’s has advanced to the stage where she no longer remembers him. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: There was this guy …. There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: "The Meaning of Dreams." A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Changing job A taxi passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, goes up on the footpath, and stops centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything goes quiet in the cab, then the driver says, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologizes and says, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.” The driver replies, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Two blondes Two blondes walk beside each other down the street. One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, "This girl looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know her from." The other girl grabs it from her hand, takes a look at it, and says, "It's me you idiot!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: PHD Two old friends crossed paths after not seeing one another for almost a decade. A: "What are you doing these days?" B: "PHD." A: "Wow! You're a doctor!" B: "No, Pizza Home Delivery." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Graveyard I visited my wife’s grave earlier today. A guy came past and said, “Morning.” I said, “No, just walking the dog.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Art Student I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers. I mean you don’t see medical students calling themselves doctors… Or art students calling themselves unemployed. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Apple Store Farter I went to the Apple store today but while I was in there, I couldn’t stop farting. Everyone got really annoyed. But it’s not my fault they don’t have Windows. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Listening skills I asked my girlfriend to rate my listening skills. She said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.” I still don’t understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Undercover cop Yesterday I saw a police officer wearing a pilot’s uniform. I thought it was a bit odd. Then I realized he was one of those plane clothes cops. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Own boss I was in a taxi today and the driver said, “I love my job. I’m my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do.” I said, “Turn left here.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: School report My mum said, “I’m not happy with your school report.” I said, “Okay.” She said, “I want more As.” I replied, “OKAAAAAAAAAY.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Ready To Retire After 37 years I’m finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I’ve accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means… And the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Did You See Me? A man walks into a bank, gets in line, and when it is his turn, he pulls out a gun and robs the bank. Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The customer replies, "Yes!" The bank robber raises his gun, points it to the customer's head, and BANG! Shoots him dead. He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man calmly responds, "No... but my wife did." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Who was that? It was two o’clock in the morning and a husband and wife were sleeping when suddenly the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and said, “Hello?” Then he paused for a few seconds before saying, “How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?” and slammed the phone down. His wife rolled over and asked, “Who was that?” The husband replied, “I don’t know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear tonight.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Frozen turkeys A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” “No, ma’am. They’re dead.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Inflation My wife and I went out for a leisurely drive to see the autumn leaves, when we noticed that one of the tires seemed to be getting low… She was a bit taken aback when I asked her for some change and asked, “Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!” I looked at her and winked, “Inflation.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Black Fridays It’s Black Friday and the mall is packed with shoppers. John has lost sight of his wife and can’t find her. He goes up to a very attractive woman and says, “Excuse me, can you help me? I cannot see my wife, and I know that she is here in the shopping mall somewhere. Can you just talk to me for a couple of minutes?” The attractive woman replies “Why?” John says, “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife materialises out of thin air.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: New Lexus I’ve got the deal already worked out this Black Friday. I’m getting a new Lexus for my wife. I think she’s going to be really surprised but from my perspective, it’s an awesome trade. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Main entrance A small business owner was upset when a brand-new corporate chain much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read “BEST BLACK FRIDAY DEALS!” He was horrified when another competitor opened up on the other side of him and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading “LOWEST BLACK FRIDAY PRICES!” The small business owner panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read “MAIN ENTRANCE”. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Robbery A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, “Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established.” The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he says, I think he means business.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Safe deposit box My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box. He left me the key in his will. I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope in side, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. I read it, and it said: “Good things are ahead for you. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10 and 13.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Heavy house cleaning An employee goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.” “Sorry, but we’re short-handed,” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.” “Thanks, boss,” says the employee. “I knew I could count on you!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: I got fired I got fired at work today. My boss said my communication skills were awful. I didn’t know what to say to that. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Support call centre A blonde calls a 24/7 support call center and asks what hours they are open. The technical support person says, “We are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.” The blonde stops to think. After a while she asks, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: New job “There is no ‘I’ in team”, my boss said. “No, but there is a ‘me’, I replied.” Anyway, I need a new job. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Lame excuse I called my boss this morning. “I won’t be coming in today,” I said. “My legs aren’t working properly.” “What kind of excuse is that?” He asked. I replied, “A lame excuse.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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