worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: My birthday For my birthday, my friend bought me a book called “Road Kill Recipes”. As luck would have it, the next day I came across some road kill so I cooked it according to one of the recipes in the book and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bike. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: No fatty food I went to see the doctor today and he said to me, “Don’t eat anything fatty.” I said, “What – no bacon or sausages or burgers or anything?” He said, “No fatty, just don’t eat anything.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Tell your dad Doctor: Tell your Dad I said hi. Kid: But my Dad’s dead. Doctor: I know. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: My best friend My best friend sadly passed away yesterday so I went to see his wife today. I said to her, “Look on the bright side, at least he’s not suffering anymore.” She replied, “But he wasn’t ill, he died suddenly.” I said, “I know, I meant being married to you.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: Use the back door The other day I was having sex with this married woman when her husband came home early. She told me I’d have to use the back door and said I’d have to be quick. On reflection I should have just left, but it’s not every day you get an offer like that. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2021 Report Share Posted August 13, 2021 Joke: That’s confidential A boy asks his dad one day, “Dad, what’s the difference between confident and confidential?” His Dad replies, “Well, you’re my son – I’m confident about that. And your best friend Jimmy is also my son – that’s confidential.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Martini A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “Don’t you mean a martini?” asks the bartender. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Logicians Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?” The first logician says, “I don’t know.” The second logician says, “I don’t know.” The third logician says, “Yes.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Fortune Teller “I can see you standing in front of a log cabin in the middle of a huge storm, and fir trees are standing behind you,” said the old gypsy woman, staring into her crystal ball. I said, “I think that’s actually a snow globe you’ve picked up there.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Too Much Technology My Granddad said to me, “Your life revolves too much around technology these days.” I said, “No, yours does.” Then I unplugged his life support. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Who’s there? Knock, knock. Who’s there? The postman. The postman who? Look do you want this parcel or not? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Old man & his attorney An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye. Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop." The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. "Are you all right?" asks the agent. "No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Dad? Go home! A guy is sitting at a bar, and a drunk dude walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The first guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk dude comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The first guy looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk dude walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what, Dad? Go home!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: The story of four men Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7-Up!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Which door? Q: If you were forced to go through one of the following doors, which door do you go through with 100 % certainty you'd stay alive: a door with a man with a gun behind it, a door with a tiger who hasn't eaten in 7 years behind it, or a door with an electrical-chair behind it? A: The one with the tiger behind it, because if it hasn't eaten in 7 years it's dead. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Pick pocket A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said, "Sir, you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said, "Thanks, your honor, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Three friends There are three friends named Mad, Brain, and Fight. One day Fight went missing and his friends Mad and Brain started searching for him. Then Brain said, "Mad, let's file a missing person report with the police." When they were about to walk into the police station, Brain said, "Mad, you go and make the report. I will wait for you here." Mad said, "Okay." Mad walked in but no police officers paid attention to him. Then he saw a policeman drinking a cup of coffee. Mad went to the officer, smacked the table, and the cup of coffee flew in the air, landing in the officer's lap. Angry, the policeman asked, "Are you looking for a fight?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am." The policeman asked, "Are you mad?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am Mad." The policeman then asked, "Don't you have a brain?" Mad replied, "Brain is outside sir." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Do you sell grapes? One day a duck walks in a store and ask the manager if they sell grapes. The manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes." The duck goes home and comes back the next day and asks the same question. The manager says the same thing again, "No, we do not sell grapes." The duck goes home, comes back the next day, and asks the manager if they sell grapes. This time the manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes! If you ask one more time, I will nail your beak to the floor!" The duck goes home. It comes back the next day and asks the manager if he has any nails. The manager says, "No, I don't have any nails." The duck says, "Okay, good. Do you sell grapes?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: The three guys Jim, Scott and Alex are tired after traveling all day and check into a hotel. When they get to reception, they find out they'll have to walk 75 flights of stairs to get to their room because the elevator is out of order. Jim suggests that they do something interesting to pass time while they walk the 75 flights. Jim will tell jokes, Scott will sing songs, and Alex will tell sad stories. So, Jim tells jokes for 25 flights, Scott sings songs for 25 flights and Alex tells sad stories for 24 flights. When they reach the 75th floor, Alex tells his saddest story of all, "Guys, I left our room key at reception." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: One day in the forest …. One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of Indians attacked them and knocked them out. When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne. The chief then said, "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me." So, after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The chief then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed. Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The chief soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apparent reason, and was killed. The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!" The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Three old friends Three old friends got together and were discussing what movie they had watched when they conceived their children. One lady says she had just watched a movie called The Search for One-eye Jimmy and nine months later she gave birth to her baby. Another lady says, "Oh, I saw the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and then nine months later I had septuplets." The last lady gasps and exclaims, "Oh no, I just watched 101 Dalmatians!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: The drunken A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk." The wasted man asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: While walking past the mental hospital How I learned to mind my own business: I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and I could hear all the patients shouting, "13! 13! 13!" The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on. Someone poked me in the eye with a stick! Then they all started shouting, "14! 14! 14!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Danger zone I just got kicked out of Karaoke night for singing “Danger Zone” six times in a row. They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Mix Up My son came home from school and told me he’d mixed up the cranium and the skull on his science test. I said, “That was a boneheaded mistake.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Bank robber Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber. He died last week. Surrounded by his family. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Email I got an email that said, “You have won $35,148,216. To complete the transaction, we will need your bank details.” “Certainly,” I replied. “It’s a big building with money inside.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Coughing I called work this morning and whispered, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.” He exclaimed, “You have a wee cough!?” I said, “Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Uber car I took Uber yesterday. The driver said, “I love my job. I’m my own boss. No one tells me what to do.” I said, “Take the next left.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Unit Of Power Teacher: Can anyone tell me the unit of power? Class: Watt. Teacher: I SAID, CAN ANYONE TELL ME THE UNIT OF POWER? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Chemical Attack I was walking through the park last night when one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another guy covered me in sulphuric acid. It was terrible. I didn’t know how to react. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: We got him A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left. The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right. The statistician shouts, “We got him!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Sheepdog A talking sheepdog gets all the sheep into the pen for his farmer. He comes back and says “Okay, chief – all 40 sheep accounted for.” The farmer says, “But I’ve counted them and I’ve only got 36!” The sheepdog replies, “I know, but I rounded them up.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Before The Big Bang At the end of my physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?” He replied, “Sorry. No time.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Costume party A man goes to a costume party with nothing but a naked woman on his back. “What are you supposed to be, then?” the confused host asks. “I’m a turtle,” the man replies. “What a load of rubbish!” the host says. “How can you be a turtle when all you’ve got is that naked woman on your back?” “Oh her?” the man smiles. “That’s just Mic” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: A doctor walks … A doctor walks into a room full of patients at a mental institution, takes out a pen, and draws a door on the wall. He then tells all the patients that whoever wants to escape, should use that door. Immediately they all rush towards it, but of course cannot go through. However, one patient sits still in the back with a smile on his face. He has not moved at all. The doctor thinks he must be cured. He then asks the patient why he did not rush to the door, and the patient whispers, "They don't know that I'm the one who has the key." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Blind drunk A man is at the bar, blind drunk. Some of the customers decide to be good Samaritans and get him home. They pick him up off the floor and drag him out of the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car, and he falls down four more times. They ring the doorbell and a woman answers “Here’s your husband!” “Thanks,” says the man’s wife. “What did you do with his wheelchair?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Pianist A man walks into a bar and sees a pianist, who is only one foot tall, playing the piano. He talks to the bartender and says, "That's amazing! Where did you find a 12-inch pianist?" The bartender replies, "Oh, I have a genie in the back room who grants wishes. Give it a try if you want." The man goes to the genie and says, "Oh genie, I wish I had a 100 million bucks." The genie nods his head and a few seconds later there's a puff of smoke and 100 million ducks fly over the man's head. The man goes back to the bartender and complains, "I wished for 100 million bucks, not 100 million ducks!" And the bartender says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: An old woman An old woman is sitting in a rocking chair on her porch, petting her cat Foo-Foo. A fairy appears and says, "I'm here to grant you three wishes." The old woman says, "I wish I was twenty years old and beautiful again." Poof! She is. "Now I wish I had a million dollars and this old house was a mansion." Poof! Done. "And now I wish that Foo-Foo was the handsomest man ever and deeply in love with me." Poof! Suddenly she's in the arms of a gorgeous man. He kisses her and says, "Darling, aren't you sorry you had me fixed?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Stealing Two young men sneak on to a blind man's property in order to steal something of value. The blind man hears them and goes to the door with his shot gun. The two young men, seeing the blind man, stand motionless. The blind calls out, "Marco!". Silence. He tries once more, "Marco!" More silence. One more time, "Marco!" One of the young men, tired of the game, yells out, "We aren't going to fall for that..." *BANG! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Once there was a farmer ………. Once there was a farmer that was very protective of his three daughters. When they told him, they were going to go out on dates one night, the farmer decided to wait outside with a shotgun. The first boy arrived for the first daughter, and he said, "Hi, my name is Freddy. I'm here for Betty. We're going for spaghetti. Is she ready?" The farmer decided he was decent enough, and let them go. The second boy arrived for the second daughter, and said, "Hi, my name is Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she good to go?" Again, the farmer decided he was decent enough and let them go. Finally, the last boy came, and he said, "Hi, my name is Chuck..." and the farmer shot him. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Two boys Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answer "We found a ten-dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: “What are you doing?” A kid is on his lawn, playing with mud. A man walks up to him and asks, “What are you doing?” The kid says, “Making a smart potion. Would you like some?” So, the man says, “Sure. I’ll try some.” So, the kid gives the man a bit of the mud in a cup to drink. When the man drank it, he yelled, “Blech! This is mud!” So, the kid says, “See, getting smarter already.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Where’s Wally I went to the book store earlier to buy a “Where’s Wally?” book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played, Wally, well played. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Who’s Driving I woke up to my wife and kids screaming. I said, “What are you yelling about?” They said, “You’re driving!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Name Change My friend Victor recently changed his last name to “E”. No-one knows why. He’s become a Mister E. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Thrown Under A Bus I told my friend I saw a man get thrown under a bus today. He said, “Oh goodness – was it moving?” I said, “Well a few people were crying, but I was fine.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Note On The Fridge My girlfriend left a note on the fridge. It said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to my mom’s.” I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Which Is She? A man told his wife that he had appointed a new secretary to help him in his business. The wife asks, "Is she blonde, brunette, or red hair?” He replied, "HE is bald." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2021 Report Share Posted August 14, 2021 Joke: Thinking Of Running A Marathon I was chatting to a girl yesterday and I told her I was thinking of running a marathon again. She was impressed, “You’ve run a marathon before?” I said, “No, but I’ve thought about it.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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