worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Birth control pills An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills." Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "Simple. I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Sign At Dr. Jones' Office SIGN OVER A DOCTOR's OFFICE: "Dr. Jones, OBGYN, at your cervix! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Password Reset I’ve just reset my password to DelicateLuggageHandler... I was told it had to be case-sensitive. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Early Risers in Greece Why do people hate getting up early in Athens? Because Dawn is tough on Greece Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Name That Tune The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a tune... But Chickpeas can only “hummus” one Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Bulletproof I was in the shop looking for a jacket to buy my girlfriend as a present. I couldn’t decide which one to get, so I asked the salesman, “If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend, which one would you get? He said, “A bulletproof one. I’m married. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: I love u I texted my wife today saying “I love u”. She replied, “Oh, really? :)” I said, “Yes, it’s my favourite vowel.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: No taste While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said, “She obviously has COVID!” “Why would you think that?” I asked. “Because she has no taste.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Three men … Three men get trapped on an island. A native tribe finds them. The chief says to them, "I'll grant each of you a wish but after that wish is fulfilled, we're going to kill you to make canoes out of you." The first man wishes to be rich. The tribe hands over some rare gems, enough to make him rich. Then they kill him. The second man asks for peace for his country. The tribe goes to his country and has a meeting with the ambassadors from all around, pledging to bring in more trade if they did not attack this man's home country. They accomplish the deal and head back to the island and kill him. The third man asks for a fork. The tribe travels all around searching for a fork. When they finally find one, they hand it to the third man asking, "Why'd you want a fork?" The man answers by stabbing himself and saying, "You're not gonna make a canoe outta me!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Two rich businessmen Two rich businessmen are walking as friends in a park. The first businessman whose name was Joe discovered a pile of dog poop on the sidewalk. He then told the other businessman, Jack, that if Jack ate the pile of poop, he will give Jack a billion dollars. Jack agreed, so he ate the pile of poop and gained a billion dollars. Later, Jack saw another pile of poop on the grass. He told Joe that if he ate it, he will give back the billion dollars. Joe agreed because he didn't want to lose the money, and he did. Much later, the two men were all crying their eyes out because they both ate a pile of poop and didn't gain a cent! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: An overtime While taking the interview, the employer asked the candidate: Employer: So, how long did you work during your last job? Candidate: 30 years Employer: Oh, you look young how old are you Candidate: 20 years old The employer was surprised and asked the candidate how she worked 30 years and has only been living for 20 years?? Candidate: Overtime! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Tom had this problem of getting... Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So, Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Four legs A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: The Fishing Helpline I phoned up the fishing helpline today. I said, “I’m really hopeless at fishing and need some tips." The man said, “Okay, can you hold the line?” I said, “No.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Eye Glass Confessions As the three ladies picked up a menu, each put on a pair of glasses. "I really only need mine for close reading," explained the first. Remarked the second, "I only use mine when the light is bad." The third confessed, "I rarely wear mine - except when I want to see." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: How good was I? A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night, her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom, and when the guy walks in the door he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed. Later, after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks, "So, how was I?" She says, "Well, you can take anything from the bottom shelf." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: This little piggy... When my wife quit work to take care of our new baby daughter, countless hours of peek-a-boo and other games slowly took their toll. One evening my wife smacked her bare toes on the corner of a dresser and, grabbing her foot, sank to the floor. I rushed to her side and asked what she hurt. She looked at me through tear-filled eyes and managed to moan, "It's the piggy that ate roast beef." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Two old friends met … Two old friends met for the first time in several years. They had a good talk and one asked, "Is your wife still as pretty as ever?" "She sure is," the other replied. "It just takes her longer." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Physical Exam The doctor has just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination. "The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said, "is give up drinking and smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women." "Doc, I don't deserve the best," said the patient. "What's second best?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Watch out for the wall During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall whilst carrying the coffin and when they do so they hear a faint moan. So, they open the casket only to find that the woman inside is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years after this and then eventually dies and so there’s another funeral for her. At the end of the service, as the pallbearers carry out the casket, the husband cries out, “Watch out for the wall!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: What do you think? A guy is walking with a young boy into the woods when the boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Gold coins I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: At the restaurant At the restaurant the other evening, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. He looked at me bemused for a moment and then said, “Nothing special really, we just tell them they’re going to die.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Alzheimer What are the best things about having about having Alzheimer’s? You can buy and wrap your own surprise presents. Plus, you’re constantly making new friends. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Which shampoo? I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred. Almost all of them replied, “How the hell did you get in here?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: How about you? My wife called me and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?” I was a little concerned as I answered, “No.” She said, “How about now?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Blind woman I’ve just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging. It took me ages to get her husband’s voice right. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: Very religious My girlfriend’s parents are very religious. The first time I was at their house, her Dad told me we weren’t allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame – he was very attractive. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: I found condom “Son, I’ve found a condom in your room.” “Gee thanks, Grandpa!” “Why are you calling me Grandpa?” “Because I couldn’t find it yesterday.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: G-spot What’s the difference between the G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will search for a golf ball. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2021 Report Share Posted August 17, 2021 Joke: 3-some My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose. Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: It's Time An old lady tottered into a lawyer's office and asked for help in arranging a divorce. "A divorce?" asked the unbelieving lawyer. "Tell me, how old are you?" "I'm eighty-four," answered the old lady. "Eighty-four! And how old is your husband?" "My husband is eighty-seven." "My, my," said the lawyer, "and how long have you been married?" "Next September will be sixty-two years." "Married sixty-two years?! Why would you want a divorce now?" "Because," the woman answered calmly, "enough is enough." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: Mrs. Jones was reading a letter Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell 'convenience', so I made it 'risk'." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: Backpacker A backpacker finds a tiny village tucked away in the mountains with one tiny pub. He walks into the pub and there are all these old men just sitting around in silence. So’ the backpacker orders a beer and finds himself a seat. Suddenly one of the men shouts, “Number 4!” and the whole room erupts with laughter. The backpacker is surprised by this but then the laughter dies down and he goes back to sipping his pint. Then another one of them shouts, “Number 21!” and once again everybody has a good laugh. The backpacker turns to someone and asks what’s going on. “Ah you see we’re a bit isolated out here”, the man says. “We all know each other’s jokes so well we decided to give them all a number to save time when we want to tell them.” The backpacker gets a mischievous look on his face. He stands up and shouts, “Number 1001!” It was like an earthquake had hit. The whole room reverberated with the men’s voices, some of them slapping their thighs and almost falling off their chairs. As the laughter died down some of them were pressing their hands to their chests, just to make sure they weren’t having a heart attack. The backpacker turns to the man next to him and says, “So is that one of the good ones?” The man says, “Oh no, it’s just that we’d never heard that one before.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: Strongman The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.” After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, “Okay”, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, what?” The man replied, “I work for the IRS.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: Posh Theater A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theater. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man. “Sir, you’re only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?” The man groans, but remains seated. The usher, becoming impatient with the man, says, “Sir, if you don’t get up, I will need to get my manager involved” Again the man just groans, which infuriates the usher so he marches off to get the manager. In a few moments he returns with the manager and they both repeatedly attempt to move him, but with no success. It’s at this point that the manager calls the police. Moments later, a police officer arrives and approaches the man, “Alright buddy, what’s your name?” “Sam,” the man moans. “And where ya from Sam?” With pain in his voice Sam replies, “The balcony.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: Christmas Eve It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on, that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg, I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Year!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: These are Carol's Three men all die on Christmas Day and arrive at the pearly gates. Peter greets them and tells them that they are all evil men who should go to hell, but because it's Christmas, he'll let them into heaven if they have something representing the holiday with them. One of the guys has a Christmas ornament, and gets let in. Another guy has pine needles on his shirt, and gets let in. The third guy pulls out a pair of panties. "How do those represent Christmas?" asks Peter. "These are Carol's." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: Heart attack A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch. She asks what's wrong, and the kids reply that aunt Sally was in the house naked. So, she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed naked and sweaty. She asks, "What's going on?" He replies, "I'm having a heart attack." She says "I'm going to call 911, while I'm really looking for my sister." She discovers the aunt in the bathroom closet in the nude, and gives her a slap, "How dare you! My husband is having a heart attack and you're running around scaring the kids!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: The farmer A farmer walks into his bedroom carrying a lamb under his arm. He walks over to his wife who's laying in bed. "See!" he yells, "This is the pig I have to have sex with whenever you get one of your headaches!" The wife says, "You know that's a lamb under your arm, don't you?" The farmer says, "I wasn't talking to you." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: Wedding anniversary A man and a woman have just had their 50th wedding anniversary. The husband turns to his wife and asks, "What do you want to do to celebrate our anniversary dear?" She replies, "Let's run upstairs and make love." He turns to her and says, "Well make up your mind, we can't do both!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: Bachelors & Married guys Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t? The bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: At graveyard A man is standing at a grave, staring at the head stone. A second man walks up and asks, "Is this someone you knew?" The first guy says, "Yes, it was my wife." The second guy says, "It must be hard to lose a wife." The first guy replies "Yep, damn near impossible." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: Divorce I divorced my cross-eyed wife. We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: That’s very fair “Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.” “That’s very fair, your honour,” said the husband. “I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: Breaking up My girlfriend called me last night. She wanted to talk, but I couldn’t hear her voice because of the static noise. She was breaking up. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: Divorce lawyer Divorce lawyer: I’m sorry to say, but all of your husband’s assets are Frozen. Wife: How? Lawyer: I’m not sure, but he has 2,000 DVDs of the movie for some reason. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: Uber My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage. I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: A couple? The other day I asked my mom how many ‘a couple’ was. “Two or three,” she said. I think I know why she and my dad got divorced now. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2021 Report Share Posted August 18, 2021 Joke: At a wedding At a wedding I whispered to a guy next to me, “Isn’t the bride a right ugly dog?” “Do you mind! That’s my daughter you’re talking about!” “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were her father.” “I’m not… I’m her mother.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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