worldangel Posted August 23, 2021 Report Share Posted August 23, 2021 Joke: A detective story A detective story: 11:45 – arrived at crime scene. 11:45 – Examined body. Signs of struggle. 11:45 – Found murder weapon in drain. 11:45 – Realised watch was broken Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2021 Report Share Posted August 23, 2021 Joke: Are you positive? Coroner Dad: He died at precisely 11-45 p.m. Detective: Are you positive? Coroner: It’s difficult with all the dead bodies around, but I’m hanging in there. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2021 Report Share Posted August 23, 2021 Joke: Thieves What’s the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief? An amateur thief says, “Give me all your money!” A professional thief says, “Sign here please.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2021 Report Share Posted August 23, 2021 Joke: Aging Sports When I was young, I could watch basketball and even soccer, I could follow all the moves. But I slowed down a bit and switched to American football since there were many seconds between plays. But that caught up with me so I switched to baseball since there could be several minutes between plays. But then I started going to sleep between the plays and lost whole innings. What to do? I finally settled on solitaire. If I fall asleep between drawing cards, the game is the same when I wake up Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2021 Report Share Posted August 23, 2021 Joke: Things to Say to Ruin a Date There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date... I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired. I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you. I used to come here all the time with my ex. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour. I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look. It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2021 Report Share Posted August 23, 2021 Joke: Single dad As a single Dad, I tried flirting with the check-in girl at the airport while loading my kids’ suitcases. But she just kept saying I had too much baggage. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2021 Report Share Posted August 23, 2021 Joke: At restaurant …. I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down. I couldn’t connect to the server. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2021 Report Share Posted August 23, 2021 Joke: Flirting A doctor and an archeologist start flirting. After a while of the doctor asks, “What do you do for a living?” “I’m an archeologist,” she answers. The doctor responds, “Then I guess this isn’t going to work out, you will constantly be dating other people.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2021 Report Share Posted August 23, 2021 Joke: Are you still awake? I met an older woman at a bar last night. She wasn’t bad for 57, we drank and flirted a bit, then she asked if I’d ever had a mother and daughter combo? I said no. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight is my lucky night. I went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs… “Mom, you still awake?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2021 Report Share Posted August 23, 2021 Joke: Nobody answered A guy and a girl had been flirting for sometime. One day the girl says, “Come over, there’s no one at home.” So the guys quickly goes to the girl’s house and starts ringing the doorbell. He knocks and rings the doorbell again several times but… Nobody answered. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2021 Report Share Posted August 23, 2021 Joke: Coach Dating coach: So, you’ve flirted before? Girl: Sure, I have given “the look”. Coach: Show me. Girl: Bites lip seductively. Coach: Have you considered biting the bottom lip? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: I was really sweet A doctor flirted with me today, she said I was really sweet! I think she meant I was really sweet, she worded it differently and said “you’re severely diabetic” but I know what she meant. She said I’m type 2 and I told her she’s my type too. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Traffic accident A man and a woman get in a terrible car wreck. Both of their vehicles were completely destroyed, but fortunately, no one was hurt. Thankful, the woman says to the man in a flirting tone, “We’re both okay, we should celebrate.” So the woman gets a bottle of wine out of the trunk of the smashed car, and hands it to the man with a smile. The man almost forgetting about the accident takes a really big drink, and hands the bottle to the woman. The woman closes the bottle and put it away. The man asks, “Aren’t you going to take a drink?” And the woman replies, “No, I’ll celebrate after the cops leave.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Minstrel cycle A woman on her bike was riding through the countryside during the middle ages, playing her guitar and singing songs when she came upon a dashing knight in the woods, practicing his swordsmanship. The knight was struck by her beauty and started a conversation. which quickly turned into flirting. The knight straddled the front wheel of her bike and started to passionately kiss her. The woman said, “No we have to stop…” “Why?” asked the knight. The woman replied, “Because I’m on my Minstrel cycle…” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Windmill Two windmills were on a date. One said to the other, “What type of music do you like?” The other responded, “I’m a huge metal fan.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Dating a girl I went out with on a date with a girl I haven’t seen in a few weeks and since then I have started growing a beard. When I saw her she said she wasn’t too keen on the beard. I said, “Yeah I wasn’t crazy about it at first either, but it grew on me.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Breaking up I asked my girlfriend if she’d like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl-friends. She said “Yes!” I said “Good, because I’m breaking up with you.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Looking for me? Judge: “On what grounds do you want a divorce?” Husband: “My wife is out all night, every night! From bar to bar, almost visits all the bars and pubs in town every day!” Judge: “You mean to say she’s severely alcoholic and cheats on you everyday?” Husband: “No, She’s out looking for me!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Main course [At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times. Me: Ok, and for the main course? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Getting divorce Kids, your mother and I are getting divorced. She said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees. I thought she was kidding, but… Then I saw her face, now I’m a believer. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Divorce My wife told me she’d leave me if I don’t stop making Microsoft puns, and I need some advice I immediately left my Office and tried explaining myself. Sure, on the Surface I do it often, but I think it Works. It’s not just about Word play, either; my Outlook on life helps me Excel. She and I have such a great Team Foundation, I Azure you. I wanted to Exchange my thoughts with her, so we could work with OneDrive. I looked her right in the Windows of her soul, to Access the deepest parts of her heart, and told her I loved her. Completely on Edge, I awaited her answer… PowerPoint of the story is: does anyone know of a good divorce lawyer? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Frank has a beard I once dated a twin. My friend asked me how I told them apart. I said Stacy has a beauty mark on her right cheek. And Frank has a beard. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Argument A man and his wife are having an argument. The wife yells, “Get out of the house, I hate you! I want a divorce, get out now!” Then, as her husband is walking out the door, she screams, “I hope you die a slow and painful death!” The husband stops and says, “Hang on a minute, now you want me to stay?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Date a woman I went on a date with a woman. Things were going perfectly. She said, “This is the best date I’ve ever had.” “Me too,” I replied. She said, “Pinch my arm to make sure that it’s real.” So, I pinched it and said, “Yes, that is definitely an arm.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Boy & Girlfriend Girlfriend: “We’re breaking up.” Boyfriend: “Why?” Girlfriend: “You’re always playing video games.” Boyfriend: “This is a stupid thing to Fallout 4.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Unable to communicate A woman says to her lawyer “I want to divorce my husband.” “On what grounds?” “Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.” “No, that’s not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?” “Yes, we have a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.” The lawyer, getting exasperated: “Does he beat you up?” “No, I’m up by 6:30 and sometimes he doesn’t get up until after I’ve left for work.” “WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?” “We just can’t seem to communicate.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Do you know her? A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. His wife asks, “Do you know her?” “Yes,” sighs the husband. “She’s my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.” “My Goodness!” says the wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Lottery I asked my wife what she’d do if I won the lottery. She said ”Divorce you and take half.” I said, ”I won $10, here’s $5 and there’s the door.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Mother-in-law A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back his wife rang him, very worried, to ask, “So, honey? How’s my mom doing?” He replies, “She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!” “Wow that’s amazing,” says the wife, “But this is very strange, dear. Yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!” “Well, I don’t know how she was yesterday,” he replied, “But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Just like her mother I picked up my newborn’s daughter to stop her crying. My mother-in-law commented, “Wow, she really settled for you quickly!” “Just like her mother.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24, 2021 Report Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke: Christmas gift One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: The Exorcist Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, “The Exorcist”. She said it was the most-evil book she ever read. So, evil in fact, she couldn’t finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier. I went out, bought another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: Cannibal wedding I went to a cannibal wedding. The groom toasted the bridesmaids, the best man toasted the bride and groom and the father of the bride toasted absent friends. It was one hell of a barbecue. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: Video of my wedding I watched the video of my wedding backwards. I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: Tie A woman sent two ties to her son in law. Some weeks later, she invited him and her daughter over for dinner and in an attempt to impress his mother-in-law, the son-in-law wore one of the ties she’d sent him. The meal was extremely tense and uncomfortable with the mother-in-law maintaining a stony silence throughout it. Finally, she spoke, “Alright then, what was wrong with the other tie?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: Wedding Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop to plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can’t believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage he won’t even bake a cake. The baker says, “No, no, I’m fine with gay marriage, I just can’t support inter-Rachel marriage.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: Free Bird I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of “Free Bird” being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but there he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible. Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: Parrot My mother-in-law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later. “This parrot hasn’t spoken a single word.” She complained. “I haven’t had a chance to!” Replied the parrot. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: At a wedding reception … At a wedding reception, the best man said, “Would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.” The poor bartender was crushed to death Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: Millionaire wedding A 60-year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception. His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how he landed such a hot 23-year old beauty? “Simple,” grins the millionaire. “I faked my age.” His friends are really amazed and ask him what age he pretended to be. “Well”, he replied. “I said I was 87!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: Diana “Diana!” I said, greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door. She replied, “My name is Anna!” I said, “Yes. Yes, I know.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: Now That's A Vase Two girlfriends where walking down the street and one sees her boyfriend in a flower store buying flowers. She says to her friend, "Shit, I hate when my boyfriend buys me flowers, he always expects something from me.” Her friend says, "What’s wrong with that? I think its sweet." The girl replies, "I am tired of laying on my back with my legs spread open for three days.” "Why don't you just buy a vase?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: The Golden Years The golden years I cannot see, I cannot pee. I have no heart, I can't fart. My hearing sinks, my memory shrinks. My body’s drooping, got trouble pooping. The golden years have come at last, The golden years can kiss my ass!!! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: It's Hazelnut A young couple, with their three-year old daughter, was enjoying their coffee at a local coffee shop when the little girl asked, "What's that smell in your coffee Momma?" "It’s hazelnut coffee, sweetie,” the mother said. "There's nuts in your coffee, momma?" said the little girl, to which the mother replied, "Yes, dear, just like your father's coffee, we both like hazelnut coffee." With that, the little girl turned to her dad and said, “Daddy, can I smell your nuts?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: What's That Lump In Your Shorts? A guy is out jogging when he sees a tennis ball in the gutter. He picks it up and puts it in his pocket, and keeps on going. A while later comes across a friend also out jogging, and they carry on together. After a while his friend says, "What's that lump in your shorts?” "That's a tennis ball," he replies. "Wow!" says his friend, "I've had tennis elbow, and I thought that was bad enough!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: Market research A man doing market research for Vaseline knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He asks, “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?” She says, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.” The researcher then asks, “And if you don’t mind me asking, what do you use it for?” The woman says, “We use it for love making.” The researcher was a little taken back. “Usually, people lie to me and say that they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for making love. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for love making?” The woman says, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keep the kids out.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke Marketing A professor explained about marketing to MBA students: You see a gorgeous girl at a party, you go to her and say I am rich, marry me. That’s direct marketing. You attend a party and your friend goes to the girl to tell her, he’s rich, marry him. That’s advertising. The same girl at the party walks to you and says, you’re rich, do you want to marry me? That’s brand recognition. You say I’m rich, marry me and she introduces you to her husband. That’s the demand and supply gap. Before you say I’m rich, marry me, your wife arrives. That’s restriction from entering a new market. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: Head cleaner A woman decides to get a porno, so she goes to the store and picks one with a fairly dirty title. When she plays the movie, the screen gets fuzzy and nothing is going on. When she calls the store about the movie, they ask her what the title was, and she says, "Head Cleaner." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: The Stork Brings Them Little Johnny asks, “Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Who the hell is having sex with the stork?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25, 2021 Report Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke: The Two Hurricanes Major damage after Hurricane Miley and Hurricane Cyrus merged together and then jammed into the mainland... Witnesses say the scene looked like it was hit by a wrecking ball. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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