worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Please Stop! My girlfriend keeps telling me to stop making math puns. She thinks they’re irrational. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: On The Router My wifi password is “writtenontherouter”… I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it’s literally “writtenontherouter”. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Horse Racing Obsession My wife and kids are threatening to leave me because of my obsession with horse-racing. And they’re off! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Fun Childhood I had a fun childhood. My dad used to push me down the hill in old tires. They were Goodyears. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Clam Chowder Recipe Joke The owner of a seafood restaurant sends one of his sons undercover to his rival’s restaurant. The owner tells him to get a job as a cook, and figure out the recipe for his rival’s famous clam chowder. The first day, the son comes home with a basic list of ingredients that the rival uses. They try making it, but it doesn’t turn out the same so the owner sends him back. The second day, the son comes home having watched the rival chef prepare the chowder. They try again to make it, and it’s close, but the consistency is off, it’s too watery. They try to figure out what they’re doing wrong, and the son realizes that he was distracted for a minute while the chef did something. “He must have added a secret ingredient, one not on the list, while you looked away!” concludes the owner. He sends his son back for a third day, this time telling him not to take his eyes off the chef for a second. The son comes back the next day excited. “You’ll never believe what I saw!” he says. “He did have a secret ingredient, it’s a piece of paper!” “A piece of paper?” “Yeah, he keeps a stack of printed paper in the kitchen. It’s a bunch of Wikipedia articles he’s printed out, of various movies. When he makes the chowder, he tears out the synopsis of a movie from one of the articles and puts it in. It’s the strangest thing, but that’s the secret ingredient.” “Ah,” says the owner, “The plot thickens.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Two Suitors A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed. The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables. The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even seen a bath. He was pretty much the most foul human you could imagine. Yet the woman wed the second man. Because no matter how gross you pictured him to be… The first man was just a little grocer. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Bottom Deodorant A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for bottom deodorant. The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman they have never sold bottom deodorant. The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter, that she has been buying the stuff from here on a regular basis, and would like some more. The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing full well that they don’t stock or sell such an item, smiles at the blonde and says, “One moment please, I will get the pharmacist.” The pharmacist looks at the blonde and says, “Can I help you miss?” “I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please,” says the blonde. “I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.” “But I always get it here,” says the blonde. “Do you have the container it comes in?” “Yes!” Said the blonde, “I will go and get it.” She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to the woman, “This is just a normal stick of under-arm deodorant.” The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, “To apply, push up bottom.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Is Everyone Here? A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children. "Are my other relatives also here?" And they say, "Yes, we are all here..." The man sits up and says, "Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Throwing Darts Husband throwing darts at his wife's photo and not even a single throw hitting the target. From another room the wife calls, "Honey, what are you doing?" Husband: "MISSING YOU..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Relatives If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative… Announce that you won the lottery and you’ll quickly find relatives you never knew you had! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Three Wishes Genie: You have 3 wishes. Me: I’ve seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way. Genie: I promise that won’t happen. I’m so sure it won’t, I’ll give you infinite wishes if it does. Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth. Genie: You son of a … Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Worst Case Ever! I went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All 5 of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.” He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: What’s Going On? If I had a dime for every time I didn’t understand what’s going on… I’d be like, “Why y’all keep giving me all these dimes?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: He Did Warn Them My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink. No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Red Laser Dot A burglar broke into our house last night. I didn’t shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead. Our three cats did the rest. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Sausage Shortage Due to the global pandemic, Germany is running out of sausages and cheese. The government considers this to be the Wurst Käse scenario. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Online Meetings I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing. Then COVID hit, and all our meetings were online. I’d still make jokes, but no one would laugh. Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn’t find me remotely funny. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Invisible Ink I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night. I’m in the hospital now, waiting to be seen. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Sword Fighting Puns Does anyone know any good sword fighting puns? I’m trying to think of any words that have a duel meaning. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Naughty Son I sent my son to his room for saying Jim Morrison was a terrible musician. He keeps slamming The Doors. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Doctor’s Appointment I tried getting a doctor’s appointment today. They said to me, “How about 10 tomorrow?” I said, “Just one is enough. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Massive Change My doctor has advised me to stop drinking. It’s going to be a massive change for me. I’ve been with that doctor for 15 years. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Apple Watch For her birthday, I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for half an hour. Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Fallen Cop Did you hear about the cop who fell and broke his radio? He couldn’t get backup. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Literalist And Kleptomaniac What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Aluminum Man What’s the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man? Iron Man stops the bad guys. Aluminum Man just foils their plans. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Shoe Store I finally was able to open my shoe store for only large sized shoes. Let me tell you, it was no small feet. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Interrogation A man in a police interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.” The cop says, “You are the lawyer.” The lawyer replies, “Exactly, so where’s my present?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Hate crime At the murder scene the first cop says to his partner, “This seems racially motivated.” The second cop replies, “Hate crime?” The first cop says, “Of course I hate crime, idiot. That’s why I’m a cop. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Lumberjack A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival at the tree, he started swinging at the tree. “But, I’m a talking tree,” said the tree. “And you will dialogue,” replied the lumberjack. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Bathroom Spillage My wife spilled her red hair colouring all over the bathroom. It looked like somebody dyed in there. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Streamdance I saw an Irish dancing show today called “Streamdance”. It’s not quite as good as “Riverdance”, but then it is only a tributary act. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Credit-card I went to the police and told them my credit card had been stolen six months earlier. They asked me, why I hadn’t reported it earlier. I said, “Because the thief was spending less than my wife.” So, then they asked why I was reporting it now. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Batman impression My friend said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I said, “That’s Superman.” He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Yours bigger "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Wrong bathroom While on a date a woman goes to the bathroom Man: Uh... wrong way that's the men's room Woman: Oh my goodness! this is so embarrassing! Man: It's not a big deal. Woman: I guess not, but you know what they say, old habits die hard. Man: ............... Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: At the police station At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. “Well,” Bubba began, “We wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, ‘Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'” “And then what happened?” the officer interrupted. “From what I remember,” Bubba said, “I stood up and said, ‘Sure, I’m game.'” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Viagra Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 29, 2021 Report Share Posted August 29, 2021 Joke: Dildo A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: At dentist's clinic An old woman walked into a dentist's clinic, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Sex in a dark forest A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: I can adjust my chair "I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: The drain is clogged again A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Two rednecks Two rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods; they spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they’re driving home, they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?” The other guy says, “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Traffic cop I got pulled over by a traffic cop. He walked up to my window and said, “Papers.” I said, “Scissors, I win…” and I drove off. He must be desperate for a re-match because he’s been chasing me for ages. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Salsa Dancing Instructor: Welcome to Salsa Class. Let’s learn how to dance. Me (hiding a bag of tortilla chips): There’s been a misunderstanding. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Speeding A guy got pulled over by a cop for speeding. The cop said, “Do you know how fast you were going, Sir?” The guy replied, “I was just trying to keep up with the traffic.” The cop said, “There is no traffic, Sir.” The guy answered, “That’s how far behind I am.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: At the murder scene At the murder scene the first cop says to his partner, “This seems racially motivated.” The second cop replies, “Hate crime?” The first cop says, “Of course I hate crime, idiot. That’s why I’m a cop.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Are you badly hurt? A cop arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car has smashed into a tree. He rushes over to the car and asks the driver, “Are you badly hurt?” “How do I know?” the driver replies. “I’m not a lawyer.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Arrested by the cops I went out dressed as a battery and my friend went out dressed as a firework. We got arrested by the cops. They charged me and let my friend off. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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