worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: You are the lawyer A man in a police interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.” The cop says, “You are the lawyer.” The lawyer replies, “Exactly, so where’s my present?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Police report A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen. Upon leaving the man’s apartment, the officer found the man’s bag at the bottom of the stairwell. It was a brief case. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Health examination A guy is sitting at the doctor's clinic. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: A boxing match A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Penis & Balls One night, Penis and Balls were sitting in a couch. Penis said to Balls, "We are going to a party. Balls said, "F*ck off, you always leave me knocking." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Flasher Three old women were sitting on a park bench. A flasher ran up and whipped open his coat. Two of the old ladies had a stroke and the third couldn't reach. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Harry retires Today, as he retires, we would like to thank Harry for his long years of unfailing service to our company. Harry is a man who doesn’t know the meaning of impossible task, who doesn’t know the meaning of lunch break, who doesn’t understand the meaning of the word no. So, we’ve clubbed together and bought him a dictionary. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: A check for $5,000 The owner of a company tells his employees one day, “You worked very hard this year, therefore the company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I’m giving everyone a check for $5,000.” Thrilled, the employees gather round and high five one another. “And if you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those checks!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Income tax officer A man took out a lemon in a crowd of people and squeezed it dry. He said, “If anyone can squeeze a drop out of this lemon, I’ll give them 100 bucks.” Many people tried and no one could get any juice out of the lemon. Finally, a man came up and squeezed out two drops of lemon juice. Handing him his $100, the first man asked in wonder, “Who are you?” The second man replied, “Income tax officer.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Backwards Name My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backwards. I said y not? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 (edited) Joke: Scary Cemetery This girl ran up to me at the cemetery last night and said, “I need to pass through the cemetery but I’m scared to walk alone. Can you walk through with me?” I said, “Oh yeah of course. Don’t worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too.” Edited August 30, 2021 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Give A Man A Fish Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Unknown Sister Everyone knows Alan Turing who cracked Enigma codes. But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Upset Suitcases I told my suitcases just now there will be no vacation this year. I’m now dealing with emotional baggage. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Aladdin Ban Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race. Apparently, he’s been using performance enhancing rugs. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: 14 Reasons My wife said, “I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis.” I replied, “That’s 15 loves.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: No Magnesium Doctor: Sorry sir but your body has run out of magnesium. Me: 0mg! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Grandma’s Name I asked my Grandpa, “After 65 years you still call Grandma darling, beautiful, and honey. What’s your secret?! He said, “I forgot her name 5 years ago, I’m too scared to ask her.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Facebook Blocked My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns. Well, toucan play at that game. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Mount Everest I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No, it’s to look at.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Clever dog I’ve trained my dog to go and fetch me a bottle of wine. He’s a Bordeaux collie. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Boat Purchase I asked my Dad, why he decided to buy a boat. He said “There was a sail.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Bald Old Man There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting. He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they’ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.” “What I want you to do…” the man continued. “Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.” So, they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: How To Catch An Elephant My grandpa asked me one day if I know how to catch an elephant. Of course, I didn’t, so he explained how: He said I first need to dig a giant hole, big enough for the elephant to fall in and not be able to get out. I then need to put a large amount of firewood in there and burn it all until it’s nothing but ash. The last thing to do is to line the entire pit with green peas. Now, when the elephant goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Posh Theatre A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theatre. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man. “Sir, you’re only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?” The man groans, but remains seated. The usher, becoming impatient with the man, says, “Sir, if you don’t get up, I will need to get my manager involved” Again, the man just groans, which infuriates the usher so he marches off to get the manager. In a few moments he returns with the manager and they both repeatedly attempt to move him, but with no success. It’s at this point that the manager calls the police. Moments later, a police officer arrives and approaches the man, “Alright buddy, what’s your name?” “Sam,” the man moans. “And where ya from Sam?” With pain in his voice Sam replies, “The balcony.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Tired Dog An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: “Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.” The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: “He lives in a home with four children – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Suzie Loves Me! Bill pulled up a stool at his favourite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired, “What makes you say that?” Bill beamed with pride, “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work…” “Suzie was so thrilled to have me around, that every time a mail or delivery person came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Strongman The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.” After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, “Okay”, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, what?” The man replied, “I work for the IRS.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Senior Citizens This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane. He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away. As he approached the line for the third time he said, “Look, if you don’t let me unlock the door you’re never going to get in there!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Cat Directions A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. When he reached his driveway, there was the cat. He kept taking the cat further and further but the cat would always beat him home. One day he decided to drive hundreds of miles away. He drove out of town, through the desert and into the next state until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home. He let the cat out and headed back. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?” “Yes,” the wife answers. “Why do you ask?” “Put him on the phone,” the man replies. “I’m lost and need directions.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Bikini Documentary Did you hear about the new bikini documentary? It’s a two part series that’s quite revealing. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Car Reversing I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me, and let me know when I hit the wall. I heard a bang. “3:45 PM”, he said. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Last Mortgage Payment Congratulations to me! I just made my last mortgage payment! I still owe like $262,000, but I’m just not going pay them anymore. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Living Alone When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat… Is a warm toilet seat. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2021 Report Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke: Sexual Partners My girlfriend asked me to name off all my sexual partners in order. I probably should’ve stopped when I got to her name. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Bacon Tree Two cowboys are lost in the desert and are on the point of starvation. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Frozen Peg Leg What does a pirate say when he puts his peg leg in a freezer? Shiver me timbers! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Think Of A Word If you can’t think of a word, say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Manage His Affairs When my dad died, it was left to me to manage his affairs. How he kept all those women a secret from my mum I’ll never know. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Life Revolves Around Football My wife just left me. She says life revolves around football and she’s sick of it. I’m quite upset. We were together for 7 seasons. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Say What? In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him. To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Adam’s Apples What do you call a doctor who specializes in Adam’s apples? A guyneckologist. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Bookstore I went to a bookstore and saw a book titled “How to solve 50% of your problems”. I bought 2. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Am I Adopted? Fred came home from University in tears. “Mum, am I adopted?” “No of course not,” replied his mother. “Why would you think such a thing?” Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city. Perturbed, his mother called her husband. “Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and… and… I don’t know how to say this… he may not be our son.” “Well, obviously!” he replied. “What do you mean?” “It was your idea in the first place” her husband continued. “You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him.” “I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of Fred.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Lion And Witch I saw a man pushing a lion and a witch into a wardrobe. I asked, “What are you doing?” He replied, “Go away, it’s Narnia business.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Backpacker A backpacker finds a tiny village tucked away in the mountains with one tiny pub. He walks into the pub and there are all these old men just sitting around in silence. So the backpacker orders a beer and finds himself a seat. Suddenly one of the men shouts, “Number 4!” and the whole room erupts with laughter. The backpacker is surprised by this but then the laughter dies down and he goes back to sipping his pint. Then another one of them shouts, “Number 21!” and once again everybody has a good laugh. The backpacker turns to someone and asks what’s going on. “Ah you see we’re a bit isolated out here”, the man says. “We all know each other’s jokes so well we decided to give them all a number to save time when we want to tell them.” The backpacker gets a mischievous look on his face. He stands up and shouts, “Number 1001!” It was like an earthquake had hit. The whole room reverberated with the men’s voices, some of them slapping their thighs and almost falling off their chairs. As the laughter died down some of them were pressing their hands to their chests, just to make sure they weren’t having a heart attack. The backpacker turns to the man next to him and says, “So is that one of the good ones?” The man says, “Oh no, it’s just that we’d never heard that one before.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Two Dogs In A Bar Two dogs are sitting in a bar. The first says, “Wanna hear a joke?” The second dog says, “Sure!” The first dog says, “Knock knock.” The second says… “WOOF WOOF WOOF! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Dog Psychiatrist A Dachshund and a Labrador are walking together when the former suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is meant my girlfriend ran away with a Pomeranian and I’m as jittery as a cat.” “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the Labrador. “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Parking Ticket I went to Walmart today, and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot. So, I went up to him and said, “Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?” He ignored me and continued writing the ticket so I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So, I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he’s so ugly. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the windshield… the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t care. My car was parked around the corner. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Wasted Life Satan arrives to welcome a new damned soul to hell. “Congratulations!”, he says, “You wasted your entire pitiful life!” “Well,” the man replies, “At least I’m not a adult living in my father’s basement.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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