worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Mutant Power Professor X asks a girl, “What is your mutant power?” The girl replies, “I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!” She points up and says, “3 pulls.” Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off. He says, “Yeah that’s cool and all, but not really a super power…” The girl replies, “Yeah I was just kidding, I can heal paraplegics.” Professor X, still standing: “Oh my goodness!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Engineer And Calculator What do you call an engineer who doesn’t know how to use a calculator? A project manager. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Tiptoeing Nurse Why did the nurse tiptoe past the medicine room? Because she didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Interest Free Mortgage A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest. The man enters the bank. Man: I’m here to find out about the mortgage. Employee: I don’t really care. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Twins Two guys are at a bar. One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. I had sex with twins!" The other asks, "How could you tell them apart?" "Well, Jessica had long, beautiful, blonde hair, and Alex had a goatee." kimlo777 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Call me! So, you've all probably seen these commercials for the erectile dysfunction drugs. They say a possible side effect could be an erection lasting for four hours, and if that happens, call your doctor. I say, "Hey buddy, if that happens, don't call your doctor, call me!" kimlo777 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Bed Sharing My wife thinks we should allow our pets to share our bed. I finally gave in. After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Two Left Feet A man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks… “Do you sell flip flips?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: House Painter I got hired to paint someone’s home. I charged for the labour but not the paint. The homeowner asked me, “Why didn’t you charge for the paint?” I said, “Don’t worry about the paint. It’s on the house.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Fire Hydrant If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside? K9P. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Bathroom Mirror My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?” I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Chiropractor Monthly Anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly? I have got loads of back issues. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Vegetable Sentences Does every sentence need to include a vegetable? Not neccescelery. kimlo777 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Dog Days Everyday, when I come home from work, I ask my dog how his day was. He always says the same thing. Rough. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: I work for a condom company A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replies, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints." kimlo777 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Sexy lady A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Sniffing pepper A woman constantly keeps sneezing and goes to see the doctor. She tells him, "Doctor, I constantly keep sneezing, and every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The doctor asks, "What are you doing for it?" The woman replies, "Sniffing pepper." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Glove compartment A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in my car's glove compartment.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Not Talking A guy walks into a bar, slumps into a chair, and orders a beer. The bartender says, “What’s wrong, pal? You look down.” The guy sighs and says, “I am down. My wife is mad at me, and said she wouldn’t talk to me for a whole month.” The bartender says, “Gee, that’s too bad. When does that start?” “Start? Today’s the last day.” kimlo777 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Taxi Music I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said, “Do you mind if I put some music on?” I said, “Not at all.” He said, “Kiss?” I said, “Let’s listen to the music first and see how we feel.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: High School Senior A high school senior visited a psychic. “I’ve applied to 10 different colleges,” the student said. “Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?” “That is hard to say,” said the psychic. “But you will spend an absurd sum of money.” “How do you know this?” the student asked. The psychic replied … “It’s mostly intuition.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: First day in prison On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me, “If you ever come close to me, I’ll skin you alive. When we’re sleeping, you don’t touch me. You hear me? Don’t ever talk to me, either.” “Great,” I thought. “First day in here and I’m already married.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: Kidney stone So, I'm walking around with a kidney stone in me the size of Utah. I'm trying to live my everyday life. But let's be honest, sex with a kidney stone is less than satisfying. I had an orgasm and it felt like I was giving birth to a switchblade! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2021 Report Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke: New Alarm Clock For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping. He’s in for a rude awakening. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Second opinion A doctor and his wife were having a big argument over breakfast one morning. As things got heated, the doctor shouted at his wife, “You aren’t so good in bed either!” and then he stormed out of the room and went to work. A couple of hours later he was feeling guilty about what he’d said so he decided to call his wife to apologize. There was a long delay before she finally answered. “What took you so long to answer?” asked the doctor. “I was in bed,” replied his wife. “What were you doing in bed at this time?” he asked. “Getting a second opinion.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Own language Someone left the cages open in the Reptile House at the zoo the other day and there were snakes slithering all over the place. The keeper tried everything, but he just couldn’t get the slippery animals back into their cages. Finally, he yelled, “Quick, call a lawyer!” Someone asked, “A lawyer? Why?” The keeper said, “We need someone who speaks their language.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Goldfish I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?” I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Prescription A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, “I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.” The pharmacist says, “Ma’am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you.” The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and sees that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist says, “Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Job interview A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well, including giving a brilliant presentation on why he is the ideal man for the job. The employer is shocked at how professional he is: “Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?” The man replied “Oh that’s when I went to Yale.” The employer is even more impressed. “That’s great, you’re hired!” The man is super happy and says “Yay! I got a yob! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Little old lady A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway. The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat. The cop asks the driver, “Ma’am, why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?” The old lady replies, “I was just going the posted speed limit!” and points to a sign up ahead. The cop smiles and says, “That’s not the speed limit sign, ma’am, that’s the sign for this highway – Route 20!” One of the old ladies in the back gasps out, “We tried to tell you, Eugenia!” The cop takes another look at the old women in the back and sees that they are wide-eyed and disheveled. One of them is tightly gripping the door handle. “What’s the matter, ladies? Are you okay?” the cop asks. One of the ladies responds, “We just came off of Interstate 190.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Lawyer & politician A lawyer and a politician are at the hospital when a doctor runs into the room. “One of our patients is dying. He says his religion needs a lawyer and a politician to be with him before he passes.” So, the three hurry to the man’s room. He’s in pain, but as soon as he sees them a smile comes over his face. The lawyer steps forward and asks, “Out of all the people you could have chosen as a last request, why pick us?” “Because,” the man says, “I want to die the way other did. Between a liar and a thief.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Hospital Delivery Fees An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500." He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Politician Visit A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were. “We have 2 basic needs, sir,” replied the head of the village. “Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.” On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cell phone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem. “Secondly sir, there is no cell phone coverage anywhere in this village.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Wine Taster The wine taster at an old vineyard died and his old job was advertised. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the reluctant manager to give him a try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It’s a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. “Impressive,” said the manager. The man was then given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.” The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It’s a blonde, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don’t get this job, I’ll tell who the father is!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: A detective is staking … A detective is staking out the entrance of a romantic restaurant and after a few hours of not seeing the criminals he’s looking for he gets hungry. He calls his partner to fill in for five minutes while he grabs some dinner and tells him to “Take a picture of every single person that walks through the door.” The partner waits for the detective to return and when he does the detective asks to see the photos that he took. The partner replies, “I didn’t see any single people, I saw a lot of couples though.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Credit card I went to the police and told them my credit card had been stolen six months earlier. They asked me why, I hadn’t reported it earlier. I said, “Because the thief was spending less than my wife.” So, then they asked why I was reporting it now. I said, “I think the thief’s wife has started using it.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Lawyer & politician A lawyer and a politician are at the hospital when a doctor runs into the room. “One of our patients is dying. He says his religion needs a lawyer and a politician to be with him before he passes.” So, the three hurry to the man’s room. He’s in pain, but as soon as he sees them a smile comes over his face. The lawyer steps forward and asks, “Out of all the people you could have chosen as a last request, why pick us?” “Because,” the man says, “I want to die the way Jesus did. Between a liar and a thief.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: I Need You Here Boss - Do you think you can come in on Saturday? I know you enjoy your weekends but I need you here. Me - Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as public transport on weekends is slow. Boss - What time will you get here? Me - Monday. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Fail on mathematics Father: "Why did you fail your mathematics test?" Son: "On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8." Father: "So?" Son: "On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8... If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Hokey Pokey I’ve been battling my addiction to the “Hokey Pokey” dance for a number of years now. It’s been a long and hard challenge, but I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Nice legs I went to a bar last night and saw a fat girl dancing on a table. I said, “Nice legs.” The girl giggled and said with a smile, “Do you really think so?” I said “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Disco A man takes his wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king: moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. The wife turns to her husband and sighs, “You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him and I said no.” Her husband replies, “Yeah, it looks like he’s still celebrating!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Copy cat Cop: Suspect is dancing naked downtown. Dispatcher: Copy that. Cop: I’ll try but I’m not much of a dancer. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Don’t do it! I saw my mother-in-law tying herself to the train tracks. I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. I looked at her, my eyes widened, and said, “Don’t do it!” “Why the hell not?!” she yelled. I said, “They aren’t running today.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Lottery Win My wife said to me this morning, “What would you do if I won the lottery?” I said, “I’d take my half and leave you.” She said, “Great! I won $12 yesterday, here’s your $6. Stay in touch.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Early Leaver A teacher told his students, “The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early.” Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face. “Who threw that?!” the teacher shouted, angrily. “Me!” piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. “Can I leave now?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Naming My Son I’ve decided to name my son Mark. That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a Mark on this world. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Sound Of Wasps The other day I visited the thrift shop and picked up an old record album called “Sound of Wasps”. When I got home and played it, I realised it didn’t sound anything like wasps! Turns out I’d been playing the bee side. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Cannibal Hire A large corporation hires a tribe of cannibals and they tell them, “You have full rights as employees, but you’re not allowed to eat anybody.” Things go well for several weeks and then the CEO calls the tribe into his office. The CEO says, “Somebody has been reported missing. Did you eat them?” The chief of the tribe checks with his people and says, “No sir, we have not eaten anybody. It must be a coincidence.” The CEO is skeptical but he has no evidence so he dismisses the tribe. Once they are away from the other employees, the chief turns to his tribe and asks, “Okay, which one of you idiots did it?” A tribesman sheepishly puts up his hands and admits, “I ate a secretary.” The chief smacks the tribesman and yells, “You fool! We’ve been eating middle management for weeks and nobody has noticed. Then you had to go and eat someone that does actual work!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2021 Report Share Posted September 1, 2021 Joke: Glasses for Work I came home from work last night exhausted. I said to my wife, "I need my glasses checked. I'm so nearsighted I nearly worked myself to death." Perplexed, the wife asked, "What's being nearsighted got to do with working yourself to death?" "I couldn't tell whether the boss was watching me or not, so I had to work the whole time!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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