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Joke: My mind is gone...

"Oh Goodness," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"

Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Doctor, you told me I have a ...

“Doctor, you told me I have a month to live and then you sent me a bill for $1,000! I can’t pay that before the end of the month!”


“Okay, you have six months to live.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A cannibal invited a cannibal ...

A cannibal invited a cannibal friend over for supper one evening.

While enjoying the soup, the friend said, "Your wife sure makes a great soup!".

The host replied, "Yes, and I'm really going to miss her."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A blonde goes over to her friend’s ...

A blonde goes over to her friends' house wearing a T.G.I.F. tee-shirt. 

"Why are you wearing a 'Thank God it's Friday' tee-shirt on Monday?" 

"Oh no!" the blonde says, "I thought it meant: 'Tits Go In Front.'"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Blondes at the River

A blonde, out for a walk, comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river, then shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: I told my girlfriend last night...

I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her, and she said that I must have been out drinking again.

I asked her why she would say that, and she said, "Because I'm your father."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The Heaven Said So

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

Another one said, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "Because Heaven told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT !!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: At a party, a guy approached a...

At a party, a guy approached a girl and whispered something in her ear.

"You filthy pervert!!" she shrieked. "What makes you think I'd let you do a thing like that to me?"

Then her eyes narrowed and she said, "Unless you're the son-of-a-bitch that stole my diary!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: What's wrong with your ...

Doctor: What's wrong with your brother?
Boy: He thinks he is a chicken.


Doctor: Really? How long has this been going on?
Boy: Five years.


Doctor: Five years!
Boy: We would have brought him in earlier, but we needed the eggs.


 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Surgery

A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery.

As she lays there, a man in white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and then leaves.

 

This happens a second time.

The third time this happens, she says "Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?"

The man replied, "Don't ask me lady. I'm just a painter!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Visit to the museum...

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.

"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"

"No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: After a quarrel, a wife said to ...

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." 

And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it." 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Why are married women heavier ...

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women? 

A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Sales Guy

A sales guy rings the doorbell on a house, and the door is opened by a 12-year old, holding a glass of cognac and smoking a cigar.

 

The sales guy asks, “Is your dad home?”

 

The kid replies, “What do you think?”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Do Not Drink

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the toilet.

 

He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I spat in this beer, do not drink!”.

 

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: My Living Will

Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.' 


They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine. 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: What do you like best about me....

I asked my wife the other day what she liked best about me....

"Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?"

She replied....

"Your sense of humor, dear."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A Yogi Walked into a Pizza Parlor…

What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?
"Make me one with everything."


When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"


The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: What's the difference ...

Q: What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?

A: A northern fairy tale begins with, "Once upon a time..." A southern fairy tale begins with, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this..."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Little Johnny comes home from ...

Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?"

Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Three men

There were three men on a cliff and whatever they wished for it would come true. So, the first guy jumps off the cliff and wishes he was a bird so he could fly home.

 

The second guy wished he was a dolphin so he could swim home then the last guy tripped over a rock, fell off the cliff and said OH CRAP!!!!!

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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