worldangel Posted July 19 Report Share Posted July 19 Joke: As Many As I Want A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!” Steve5380 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 19 Report Share Posted July 19 Joke: What Was In Your Hand? Tony limps into his friend’s bar. He has two black eyes, a bloody lip, and he is on a crutch. His friend asks, “What the hell happened to you?” Tony says, “The guy next door did this.” “He must have had some kind of weapon in is hand.” “Yeah, a tire iron.” “Didn’t you have anything in your hand?” asked his friend. “Yeah, his wife’s left tit. It’s gorgeous, but not much good in a fight.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21 Report Share Posted July 21 Joke: Two Quarts Mesmerized by the automatic milking machine, the pubescent young boy decided to place his member in one of the slots and have it milk him. The experiment proved highly successful, but when he was finished, he was unable to liberate himself. Unwillingly he called for his father. After examining the situating, the farmer headed for his truck. “Where are you going?” the boy cried. “To town, to get oysters. That machine there is set at two quarts.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21 Report Share Posted July 21 Joke: Your Thingy Doesn't Have Two 5 year-old boys are standing at the toilet, getting ready to pee. One says, "Your thingy doesn't have any skin on it." "I've been circumcised," the other one says. "What's that mean?" "It means they cut the skin off at the end." "How old were you when it was cut off?" "My mum said I was two days old." "Did it hurt?" "You bet it hurt. I couldn’t walk for a year!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 21 Report Share Posted July 21 Joke: All Around His Beak and Bottom A man was walking past a shop when he saw a parrot showing his asshole to him. So he went inside and complained. The next day the parrot had tape all round his beak and bottom. But there was a piece of paper saying "WANKER" on it. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23 Report Share Posted July 23 Joke: Your Thingy Doesn't Have Two 5 year-old boys are standing at the toilet, getting ready to pee. One says, "Your thingy doesn't have any skin on it." "I've been circumcised," the other one says. "What's that mean?" "It means they cut the skin off at the end." "How old were you when it was cut off?" "My mum said I was two days old." "Did it hurt?" "You bet it hurt. I couldn’t walk for a year!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23 Report Share Posted July 23 Joke: Two Quarts Mesmerized by the automatic milking machine, the pubescent young boy decided to place his member in one of the slots and have it milk him. The experiment proved highly successful, but when he was finished, he was unable to liberate himself. Unwillingly he called for his father. After examining the situating, the farmer headed for his truck. “Where are you going?” the boy cried. “To town, to get oysters. That machine there is set at two quarts.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 23 Report Share Posted July 23 Joke: All Around His Beak and Bottom A man was walking past a shop when he saw a parrot showing his asshole to him. So he went inside and complained. The next day the parrot had tape all round his beak and bottom. But there was a piece of paper saying "WANKER" on it. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 24 Report Share Posted July 24 Joke: A brunette goes into a doctor... A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 24 Report Share Posted July 24 Joke: Remote control... The clerk asked me, "Cash, check or charge?" after ringing up my purchase. As I fumbled through my wallet, she noticed a remote control for a television set in my purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote when you go shopping?" she asked. "No," I replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the best way to get even with him!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 25 Report Share Posted July 25 Joke: I Want This Done Right A man with a piece of paper in his hand comes into an office where another man is sitting next to a shredding machine. "Do you know how to operate this thing?" he asks. "I have an important paper here and I want to make sure this is done right." "Sure," the other man answers. "Just put the paper in here and press this button." The first man does so, saying, "Great. And where do the copies come out?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 25 Report Share Posted July 25 Joke: Should Have Glasses A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered "Well, I have contacts." The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 26 Report Share Posted July 26 Joke: Anniversary Gift She: "Sweetheart, what's your gift for our 25th anniversary?" He: "A trip to Europe." She: "That's amazing! And what about when we hit our 50th anniversary?" she asked. He: "That's when I come back to get you." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 26 Report Share Posted July 26 Joke: After spending a night at a hotel ... After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table. "Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20." "Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed politician replied. "You can't make a living on that.” "Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 31 Report Share Posted July 31 Joke: Ice Cream An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, "I am going to get a dish of ice cream now." Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. "I'll write it down so you don't forget," she said. "I won't forget," the old gent said. "But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. So, I'll write it down," she replied. "I will get you the ice cream. Don't you worry," replied the gentleman. A few minutes later, the old man returned with bacon and eggs. His wife said, "See, I should have written it down because you forgot the toast." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted July 31 Report Share Posted July 31 Joke: A lawyer died and arrived at the ... A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3 Report Share Posted August 3 Joke: Cremate first After my dad died, I went to his favourite park to scatter his remains. A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You can't do that here!" I said "Why not?" He said "You have to cremate him first!" yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3 Report Share Posted August 3 Joke: Wrong way.... As a older man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on route 290. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them !!!" Togsport and Steve5380 1 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4 Report Share Posted August 4 Joke: Men are like a pack of Cards... Men are like a pack of Cards: A "heart" to love them A "diamond" to marry them A "club" to smack them and A "spade" to bury the body... Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4 Report Share Posted August 4 Joke: It's Not for the Animals When I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals. She responded, "No, I just really hate vegetables." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5 Report Share Posted August 5 Joke: During a terrible storm, all the ... During a terrible storm, all the highway signs were covered with snow. The following spring, the state decided to raise all the signs twelve inches at a cost of six million dollars. “That’s an outrageous price!” said a local farmer, “but I guess we’re lucky the state handled it instead of the federal government.” “Why’s that?” “Because knowing the federal government, they’d decided to lower the highways.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5 Report Share Posted August 5 Joke: Testicle Therapy Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fatal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'? Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken! yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6 Report Share Posted August 6 Joke: Ted walks into a bar and shout... Ted walks into a bar and shouts out, "So... who's the strongest person in here?" The toughest guy looks at him and says, "I am the strongest person around these parts!" Ted politely asks, "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 6 Report Share Posted August 6 Joke: A dentist ran out of anaesthetic ... A dentist ran out of anaesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was scheduled. He gave the nurse a very large needle, instructing her to jab it hard into the patient's butt when the signal was given, so it would take his attention away from the tooth extraction. It all happened in an instant. The nurse, patient, and pliers were in place. The signal was given, and the nurse bayoneted the patient with the needle just as the dentist yanked the tooth. Afterwards, the dentist asked, "Hurt much?" The patient hesitated, "Didn't hardly feel it come out. And, man, those roots were really deep!" yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 7 Report Share Posted August 7 Joke: Just Say We're Busy The psychiatrist pulls the new nurse to the side. "Is something wrong, Doctor?" she asks. The psychiatrist takes a moment before answering, "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 7 Report Share Posted August 7 Joke: A man walks pass a beggar on the ... A man walks pass a beggar on the corner of the street where he works. The beggar holds out his one hand and the man drops a coin into his hand. One day the man walks pass the beggar again and notices the beggar is holding hold out both his hands. He asks, "Why are you holding out both of your hands?" The beggar replied, "You see sir, business is going so well I decided to open another branch." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 8 Report Share Posted August 8 Joke: The Dentist The dentist pulls out a Novocain needle to give the man a shot, so he can extract the man's tooth. 'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said. The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me! The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. 'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.' The dentist then returns and says, Here's a Viagra tablet.' The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!' It doesn't' said the dentist, 'but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 8 Report Share Posted August 8 Joke: Like an Olympic sprinter Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, “I think my husbands like a championship golfer. He’s spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke.” The second woman said, “My husbands like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps.” The third woman was silent until she was asked, “Tell us about your husband.” She thought for a moment and said, “My husbands like an Olympic sprinter.” “He’s got his time down to under 11 seconds.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14 Report Share Posted August 14 Joke: A lady goes to the doctor and... A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex. He gives her a pill but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner. At dinner that night, she does just that. About a week later she's back at the doctor and tells him, "The pill worked great! I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said. It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, pushed all the food and dishes to the floor, grabbed me, ripped off all my clothes and ravaged me right there on the table." The doctor says, "Oh dear -- I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." The lady replied, "That's very kind - but I don't think the restaurant will let us back in anyway." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14 Report Share Posted August 14 Joke: The robbery Two friends, Jim and Paul are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on, Jim slips something into Paul's hand. Without looking down, Paul whispers, "What is this?" Jim replies, "It's that $50 I owe you." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 19 Report Share Posted August 19 Joke: You're Not Completely Useless You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 19 Report Share Posted August 19 Joke: Is Your Husband Dead? How can you tell if your husband is dead? It's hard, the sex is the same, but you get to use the remote. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24 Report Share Posted August 24 Joke: Make Yourself At Home I reluctantly went to visit my friend at his new apartment. He told me to make myself at home. I hate that fxcker, so I kicked him out. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 24 Report Share Posted August 24 Joke: Car Dealership Screw Job A patrolman was making his evening rounds in this small town. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it? “Heavens no, we bought it,” replied one lady. “Then why don’t you drive it away?” “We can’t drive.” “Then why did you buy it?” “We were told that if we bought a used car here, we’d get screwed… we’re just waiting.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25 Report Share Posted August 25 Joke: Footloose The giddy dame decided to put her cards on the table. She snuck up to the playboy at the bar and whispered, “I’m footloose.” He looked her over carefully and said, “The rest of you can stand tightening too.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 25 Report Share Posted August 25 Joke: A Person Inside Me A young woman was so excited to learn she was pregnant that she had to tell her friends right away. It was about midnight when she called the last one. "I can’t believe I have a person inside me!" she screeched. "So do I!" said the friend. "Can I call you back in an hour? yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 26 Report Share Posted August 26 Joke: It's For My Schnauzer Frank’s neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet. The problem was hair in the ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some 'Nair' hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. The lady went to the drug store and got some 'Nair' hair remover. At the register the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days." The lady said, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer." The pharmacist said, "In that case, stay off your bicycle for a week." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 26 Report Share Posted August 26 Joke: Little Green Balls What power do you have with two little green balls in your hand? Kermit the Frog's undivided attention. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3 Report Share Posted September 3 Joke: Guitar Teacher Arrested Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3 Report Share Posted September 3 Joke: Company Memo A company employee went to toilet. As he sat on the seat, he read what was written on the stall door… "Had you put in the same pressure at work, the company's targets would have been achieved today!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3 Report Share Posted September 3 Joke: Like A Glove A man walks into a doctor's office, sits down, and says, "Now, doctor, this may sound kind of strange, but I have five penises." Taken aback, the doctor asks him, "My Goodness, how do your pants fit?" To which the man replies, "Like a glove." yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 15 Report Share Posted September 15 Joke: Swims On Its Back Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 15 Report Share Posted September 15 Joke: They Love A Tupperware Party Why do walruses love a Tupperware party? They're always on the lookout for a tight seal. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 15 Report Share Posted September 15 Joke: Super-Sex A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home wearing only a flimsy negligee. As she walked, she would flip up her nightgown at people and say,"Super-sex!" She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said,"Super-sex!" He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 15 Report Share Posted September 15 Joke: I’m Going In After It A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms with insecticide. "I think you mean spermicidal," says the cashier. "No", he says, "I need condoms with insecticide. My wife has a bug up her ass and I'm going in after it." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 25 Report Share Posted September 25 Joke: Why He Hides the Eggs Why does the Easter Bunny hide eggs? Because he doesn't want anyone to know that he slept with a chicken. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 25 Report Share Posted September 25 Joke: Why Does A Dog Lick? Why does a DOG lick his balls? Because he CAN! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 25 Report Share Posted September 25 Joke: Give Me A 68 A man at a bar picks up a girl. They go back to his place and start a bit of foreplay. But the guy stops and says, “Listen give me a 68.” Mystified the girl says, “What the fuck is a 68?” He says, “Give me a blow job and I’ll owe you one!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
egal Posted September 25 Report Share Posted September 25 Why are elevator jokes so good? Because they work on so many levels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 3 Report Share Posted October 3 Joke: The Banker Wants Pockets A young successful banker decides to get his first tailor made suit. So he visits the finest tailor in town and gets measured. A week later he goes in for his first fitting. He puts on the suit and he looks stunning, he feels that in this suit he can really do business. As he is preening himself in front of the mirror, he reaches down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he finds that there are no pockets. He mentions this to the tailor. "Didn’t you tell me you were a banker?" the tailor asks. The young man answers, "Yes, I did." The tailor says, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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