Jump to content
Male HQ

Be Happy :)


Guest smoking bear

Recommended Posts

Joke: Larry's Bar


Aman goes to his shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?”

“Relax,” says the doctor, “Take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Which Does He Choose?


A guy is dating three women and can't decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money.

The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole $1,000 in the bank.

Which one does he end up marrying?

The one with the biggest boobs.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Joke: Two Quarts


Mesmerized by the automatic milking machine, the pubescent young boy decided to place his member in one of the slots and have it milk him.

The experiment proved highly successful, but when he was finished, he was unable to liberate himself. Unwillingly he called for his father. After examining the situating, the farmer headed for his truck.

“Where are you going?” the boy cried.

“To town, to get oysters. That machine there is set at two quarts.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Joke: Your Thingy Doesn't Have


Two 5 year-old boys are standing at the toilet, getting ready to pee. One says, "Your thingy doesn't have any skin on it."

"I've been circumcised," the other one says.

"What's that mean?"

"It means they cut the skin off at the end."

"How old were you when it was cut off?"

"My mum said I was two days old."

"Did it hurt?"

"You bet it hurt. I couldn’t walk for a year!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: All Around His Beak and Bottom


A man was walking past a shop when he saw a parrot showing his asshole to him. So he went inside and complained.

The next day the parrot had tape all round his beak and bottom.

But there was a piece of paper saying "WANKER" on it.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Where Is Your Wild Card?


Little Johnny walked in on his parents having sex. He asked what they were doing. His father said, "We're playing poker and you're mom is the wild card."

The next day, little Johnny walks in on his brother having sex with his girlfriend and he asked what they were doing. His brother said, "We're playing poker and she is the wild card."

The next day little Johnny's mom walks in on him wanking off like there is no tomorrow. She said, "I see you're playing poker but where is your wild card?"

Little Johnny said, "Why do I need a wild card with a hand like this!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: We're Not There Yet


Man: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”

Doctor: “To the morgue.”

Man: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”

Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Like A Jar of Jalapeños


Life isn't like a box of chocolates.

It's more like a jar of jalapeños…

What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Mission Accomplished


One night, an old man comes home to his wife is laying on their bed in the same sexy outfit she wore on their wedding night. The old lady says to her husband, "Dear, do you remember what this is?"

"Yes dear," he replies. The old lady continues, "Do you remember what you said to me last time I wore this, on our wedding night?"

The old man, bored of these questions, replies, "Yes dear, I do."

The old lady forced him to repeat it and the old man aggravatedly says, "I'm going to suck your tits until there’s nothing left and f**k your brains out."

The old lady, satisfied with the answer, says, "And now, 40 years later with me in this same outfit- what do you have to say?"

"Mission accomplished."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: We Need A Flashlight


A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.

After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!"

The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Free Sex Tonight


I asked a foreign girl for her number. She was still learning the English language, but I understood her completely!

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"

I said, "Wow!"

Then her friend corrected me, "She means 666-3629."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: The Hole of the World


A suspicious acting man arrives at a big airport and is going through customs.

He becomes extremely irate when the customs inspector insists on searching his bags. He screams at the inspector, “This city is the asshole of the world!”

“And I take it,” replies the inspector, “that you are just passing through?”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Walk Tall


It was the foreigner’s first time at a baseball game. His friend cheered wildly each time a batter came to the plate, and after a while the foreigner cheered as well.

After Vinnie DiFate had had his turn at bat, the foreigner shouted, “Run, Vinnie, run!”

“No,” his friend said, “Vinnie has four balls, so he walks.”

Eyes wide, the foreigner yelled, “Walk tall, Vinnie! Walk tall!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Joke: Half A Million Battered


Two cannibals are sitting in a bar. One turns to the other and says, “Did you know that in this country alone there are over half a million battered women?”

“No shit,” the other guy says. “And all this time I’ve been eating them plain.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Go Out Like My Grandfather


Two men are talking about how they want to leave the world. “I’d like to go out like my uncle,” says the first man. “He died at the race track.”

The second man says he’d like to go out like his grandfather. “He just died peacefully. Fell asleep and never woke up or made a sound. Nothing like the people riding in his bus.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Ideal Body Weight


"What would you say is your ideal body weight?" asked the very attractive doctor.

"Yours on top of mine," replied the very horny patient.

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: As Many As I Want


A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!”

The little girl is pretty upset by this and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: The Pecker Knows

 

Two old trees are conversing in the forest when they happen to notice a baby sapling beginning to grow between them. Trying to determine what kind of tree it is, they find themselves in a bit of an argument. One is certain it is a son of a birch tree, while the other is certain it is a son of a beach tree.

The following day, a woodpecker lands on one of the old tree's branches. "Woodpecker! You know every kind of tree there is. Can you tell us, is that baby tree down there a son of a birch or a son of a beach?"

So the woodpecker flies below and pecks here and there on the sapling then flies back up to the old trees. "Well which is it, a son of a birch or son of a beach?"

"Ah, neither," the woodpecker replies. "That is the finest piece of ash I've ever had my pecker in!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: What Was In Your Hand?


Tony limps into his friend’s bar. He has two black eyes, a bloody lip, and he is on a crutch. His friend asks, “What the hell happened to you?”

Tony says, “The guy next door did this.”

“He must have had some kind of weapon in is hand.”

“Yeah, a tire iron.”

“Didn’t you have anything in your hand?” asked his friend.

“Yeah, his wife’s left tit. It’s gorgeous, but not much good in a fight.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Super-Sex


A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home wearing only a flimsy negligee. As she walked, she would flip up her nightgown at people and say,"Super-sex!"

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said,"Super-sex!"

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: I’m Going In After It


A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms with insecticide.

"I think you mean spermicidal," says the cashier.

"No", he says, "I need condoms with insecticide. My wife has a bug up her ass and I'm going in after it."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Larry's Bar


A man goes to his shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?”

“Relax,” says the doctor, “Take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?”

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Give Me A 68


A man at a bar picks up a girl. They go back to his place and start a bit of foreplay. But the guy stops and says, “Listen give me a 68.”

Mystified the girl says, “What the fxck is a 68?”

He says, “Give me a blow job and I’ll owe you one!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: We Need A Flashlight


A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.

After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!"

The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: We're Not There Yet


Man: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”

Doctor: “To the morgue.”

Man: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”

Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Free Sex Tonight


I asked a foreign girl for her number. She was still learning the English language, but I understood her completely!

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"

I said, "Wow!"

Then her friend corrected me, "She means 666-3629."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: The Hole of the World


A suspicious acting man arrives at a big airport and is going through customs.

He becomes extremely irate when the customs inspector insists on searching his bags. He screams at the inspector, “This city is the asshole of the world!”

“And I take it,” replies the inspector, “that you are just passing through?”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: All Around His Beak and Bottom


A man was walking past a shop when he saw a parrot showing his asshole to him. So he went inside and complained.

The next day the parrot had tape all round his beak and bottom.

But there was a piece of paper saying "WANKER" on it.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...