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Joke: Which Does He Choose?


A guy is dating three women and can't decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money.

The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole $1,000 in the bank.

Which one does he end up marrying?

The one with the biggest boobs.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Two Quarts


Mesmerized by the automatic milking machine, the pubescent young boy decided to place his member in one of the slots and have it milk him.

The experiment proved highly successful, but when he was finished, he was unable to liberate himself. Unwillingly he called for his father. After examining the situating, the farmer headed for his truck.

“Where are you going?” the boy cried.

“To town, to get oysters. That machine there is set at two quarts.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Half A Million Battered


Two cannibals are sitting in a bar. One turns to the other and says, “Did you know that in this country alone there are over half a million battered women?”

“No shit,” the other guy says. “And all this time I’ve been eating them plain.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Go Out Like My Grandfather


Two men are talking about how they want to leave the world. “I’d like to go out like my uncle,” says the first man. “He died at the race track.”

The second man says he’d like to go out like his grandfather. “He just died peacefully. Fell asleep and never woke up or made a sound. Nothing like the people riding in his bus.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Two Quarts


Mesmerized by the automatic milking machine, the pubescent young boy decided to place his member in one of the slots and have it milk him.

The experiment proved highly successful, but when he was finished, he was unable to liberate himself. Unwillingly he called for his father. After examining the situating, the farmer headed for his truck.

“Where are you going?” the boy cried.

“To town, to get oysters. That machine there is set at two quarts.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The Rooster and the Cat


One day, a rooster and a cat were walking near a river.

The rooster pushed the cat into the river and started laughing hysterically.

The Moral of the Story Is: Wherever there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Put Your Balls In Them


Getting ready to go to the golf club with his grandfather, the young boy was looking around the trunk of the new BMW. “What’re these?” he asked, pulling a small sack from the golf bag after his grandfather had loaded his clubs.

“Those are tees,” the old man said. “You put your balls in them when you drive.”

“Wow,” the boy said, “those BMW people think of everything, don’t they?”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: My Booties


A baby girl and boy are having a conversation. "I'm a girl,” replies the girl.

"How do you know?" asks the boy.

"I heard my mommy say it".

"I'm a boy,” replies the boy.

"How do you know?”

The baby boy takes of his blanket off and says, "See my blue booties?"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Oh, Ohhh, Mmmm


The spinster was feeling extremely tense, so she went to see Dr. Feluchi.

The analyst concluded that she was suffering from repressed sexual desires, and proceeded to hypnotize her in an effort to relieve the problem. After she was in a trance he asked her to spell “bedroom”.

Staring ahead, the young woman said, "B… E… D… R… Oh… Ohhhh… Mmmmmmm.”

And just like that, her stress was gone.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: One Drink Limit


An attractive woman was asked by the party host whether she would like another drink.

“No I mustn’t, she replied. “My husband limits me to one drink.”

"Why is that?” asked the host.

“Because,” she replied, “after one drink I can feel it, and after two drinks anyone can.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Out of Season


The marriage marriage counsellor asked Sam, "Why did you throw an apple at your husband?"

Without missing a beat, Sam looks at the counsellor and replies, "Because watermelons are out of season."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A Stuck Tea Bag


"I don’t know how to tell you this," the gynaecologist said to the coffee shop waitress, "but you've got a tea bag stuck up your vagina."

The waitress said, "I wonder what I served my last customer…"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: I Can Write You A Check


A desperate mugger approached a lady and told her to hand over all her money.

When she insisted she hadn’t any, he thrust his hand between her big boobs and began feeling around.

“I said I did not have any money,” she repeated, “but if you keep that up, I’ll be glad to write you a check.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: As Many As I Want


A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better.

 

Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!”

The little girl is pretty upset by this and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face.

 

She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: What Was In Your Hand?


Tony limps into his friend’s bar. He has two black eyes, a bloody lip, and he is on a crutch. His friend asks, “What the hell happened to you?”

Tony says, “The guy next door did this.”

“He must have had some kind of weapon in is hand.”

“Yeah, a tire iron.”

“Didn’t you have anything in your hand?” asked his friend.

“Yeah, his wife’s left tit. It’s gorgeous, but not much good in a fight.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The Pecker Knows

 

Two old trees are conversing in the forest when they happen to notice a baby sapling beginning to grow between them. Trying to determine what kind of tree it is, they find themselves in a bit of an argument. One is certain it is a son of a birch tree, while the other is certain it is a son of a beach tree.

The following day, a woodpecker lands on one of the old tree's branches. "Woodpecker! You know every kind of tree there is. Can you tell us, is that baby tree down there a son of a birch or a son of a beach?"

So the woodpecker flies below and pecks here and there on the sapling then flies back up to the old trees. "Well which is it, a son of a birch or son of a beach?"

"Ah, neither," the woodpecker replies. "That is the finest piece of ash I've ever had my pecker in!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Ten Minutes of Grace


On the morning of his execution the chaplain visited the prisoner. “They are going to allow you ten minutes of grace," he said.

The prisoner shrugged. “That isn’t very long, but what the hell… send her in!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Don't Need Them For Sex Anymore


An elderly gentleman goes to the local drugstore and asks the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist replies, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?"

The gentleman answers, "Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one into four pieces."

"That won’t do you any good," the pharmacist says.

"That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over ninety years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: He Hasn't Been Faithful


The high priced lawyer was sitting in his office when his secretary announced the arrival of a new client, who turned out to be a very sexy young mother.

“I want to divorce my husband,” said the woman.

“On what grounds?” asked the lawyer.

“Infidelity,” she replied. “I don’t think my husband has been faithful to me.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well,” she said, “ I don’t think he is the father of my son.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Anything In Your Hand?


My goodness! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast. "I got in a tiff with Riley."

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."

"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"

"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's tit. And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight."
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Something Up in the Air


The young college physician was bewildered by the procession of unhappy young women regularly visiting his campus clinic for pregnancy tests.

“There seems to be something in the air this time of the year that causes young girls to get pregnant,” he commented to an older colleague. “What it is, I wonder?"

“Their legs,” replied his friend.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Can You Do It Again?


A man wants to have his penis enlarged. He goes to a specialist who recommends a new procedure of attaching an elephant trunk to the end of the penis.

The man goes for it and he now has a humongous penis. One day, while eating dinner at his girlfriends, his penis reaches up from under the table, grabs a bun, and slides back down under the table.

The girlfriend is amazed. "That's incredible," she says. "Can you do it again?"

The man replies, "I'd love to, but I don't think my butt can handle another bun right now."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Two Quarts


Mesmerized by the automatic milking machine, the pubescent young boy decided to place his member in one of the slots and have it milk him.

The experiment proved highly successful, but when he was finished, he was unable to liberate himself. Unwillingly he called for his father. After examining the situating, the farmer headed for his truck.

“Where are you going?” the boy cried.

“To town, to get oysters. That machine there is set at two quarts.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: I Can Write You A Check


A desperate mugger approached a lady and told her to hand over all her money.

When she insisted she hadn’t any, he thrust his hand between her big boobs and began feeling around.

“I said I did not have any money,” she repeated, “but if you keep that up, I’ll be glad to write you a check.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A Stuck Tea Bag


"I don’t know how to tell you this," the gynecologist said to the coffee shop waitress, "but you've got a tea bag stuck up your vagina."

The waitress said, "I wonder what I served my last customer…"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Out of Season


The marriage marriage counsellor asked Sam, "Why did you throw an apple at your husband?"

Without missing a beat, Sam looks at the counsellor and replies, "Because watermelons are out of season."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: One Drink Limit


An attractive woman was asked by the party host whether she would like another drink.

“No I mustn’t, she replied. “My husband limits me to one drink.”

"Why is that?” asked the host.

“Because,” she replied, “after one drink I can feel it, and after two drinks anyone can.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Oh, Ohhh, Mmmm


The spinster was feeling extremely tense, so she went to see Dr. Feluchi.

The analyst concluded that she was suffering from repressed sexual desires, and proceeded to hypnotize her in an effort to relieve the problem. After she was in a trance he asked her to spell “bedroom”.

Staring ahead, the young woman said, "B… E… D… R… Oh… Ohhhh… Mmmmmmm.”

And just like that, her stress was gone.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Put Your Balls In Them


Getting ready to go to the golf club with his grandfather, the young boy was looking around the trunk of the new BMW. “What’re these?” he asked, pulling a small sack from the golf bag after his grandfather had loaded his clubs.

“Those are tees,” the old man said. “You put your balls in them when you drive.”

“Wow,” the boy said, “those BMW people think of everything, don’t they?”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: My Booties


A baby girl and boy are having a conversation. "I'm a girl,” replies the girl.

"How do you know?" asks the boy.

"I heard my mommy say it".

"I'm a boy,” replies the boy.

"How do you know?”

The baby boy takes of his blanket off and says, "See my blue booties?"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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  Joke: The Rooster and the Cat


One day, a rooster and a cat were walking near a river.

The rooster pushed the cat into the river and started laughing hysterically.

The Moral of the Story Is: Wherever there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: As Many As I Want


A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!”

The little girl is pretty upset by this and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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