worldangel Posted December 29, 2024 Report Share Posted December 29, 2024 Joke: The Pecker Knows Two old trees are conversing in the forest when they happen to notice a baby sapling beginning to grow between them. Trying to determine what kind of tree it is, they find themselves in a bit of an argument. One is certain it is a son of a birch tree, while the other is certain it is a son of a beach tree. The following day, a woodpecker lands on one of the old tree's branches. "Woodpecker! You know every kind of tree there is. Can you tell us, is that baby tree down there a son of a birch or a son of a beach?" So the woodpecker flies below and pecks here and there on the sapling then flies back up to the old trees. "Well which is it, a son of a birch or son of a beach?" "Ah, neither," the woodpecker replies. "That is the finest piece of ash I've ever had my pecker in!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 29, 2024 Report Share Posted December 29, 2024 Joke: What Was In Your Hand? Tony limps into his friend’s bar. He has two black eyes, a bloody lip, and he is on a crutch. His friend asks, “What the hell happened to you?” Tony says, “The guy next door did this.” “He must have had some kind of weapon in is hand.” “Yeah, a tire iron.” “Didn’t you have anything in your hand?” asked his friend. “Yeah, his wife’s left tit. It’s gorgeous, but not much good in a fight.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 30, 2024 Report Share Posted December 30, 2024 Just Like the Weather A vagina is like the weather. Once it's wet, it's time to go inside. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 30, 2024 Report Share Posted December 30, 2024 The Bird That Brings the Baby The stork is the bird that brings the baby… But a swallow's the one to prevent it. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 30, 2024 Report Share Posted December 30, 2024 That's A Lie, Your Honour "That's a lie, your Honour! It is NOT true that I had NOTHING on!" "Is that so?" "That's correct, I had the radio on." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 31, 2024 Report Share Posted December 31, 2024 Now That's Dexterity Two drunks were sitting on the curb late at night discussing the world events when an old mangy dog sat down right in front of them and started to lick its private area. The one drunk said, "Look at that, now that’s dexerity! Wish I could do that." The other drunk looked at him and said, "Well you better get to know him first." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 31, 2024 Report Share Posted December 31, 2024 You Are Invited To A Party The invitation to the party said: “You are invited to a party for those who cannot have an orgasm." P.S. Let us know if you can't come! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 31, 2024 Report Share Posted December 31, 2024 Toilet Brushes While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes, “Wow! What a great idea!” he thinks to himself. So he buys three of them. Two weeks later he goes back to using toilet paper. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 31, 2024 Report Share Posted December 31, 2024 Saran Wrap As Underwear A man goes to a psychiatrist office wearing nothing but saran-wrap as underwear. The psychiatrist looks at him and says, "I can clearly see you are nuts!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 31, 2024 Report Share Posted December 31, 2024 Sitting On His Lap To surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting on his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair." Steve5380 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 31, 2024 Report Share Posted December 31, 2024 Cash or Credit? Three guys went to a striptease joint. The young lady on stage, wearing only thongs and a smile came up to the first guy and performed her dance for him. He took out $100.00, and slapped it on her right cheek. It stuck. Then she proceeded to the second guy. She did her same dance and the guy took out $100.00 and slapped it on her left cheek. It stuck. She then went to the third guy and performed her dance. The third guy pulled out his wallet, only to realise that he did not have any cash. So he took his debt card and swiped it between her cheeks and took the $200.00. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 31, 2024 Report Share Posted December 31, 2024 The 36,640 posts Prepare Your Chickens A guy sits down at a restaurant when the waiter comes over to see if he has any questions. The guy puts down the menu and says, “How do you prepare your chickens?” “Well, sir there’s not much to it. We just flat out tell them they’re going to die.” yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 1 Report Share Posted January 1 The Whole Finger A man calls his wife from the Emergency Room. He tells her that his finger got cut off at the construction site where he was working. “Oh, my goodness!” cries his wife. “The whole finger?” “No,” replies the man, “the one next to it.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 1 Report Share Posted January 1 Are You A Pirate "Are you a pirate?" the boy asked the girl. "Why do you ask that?" the girl replied. "Because I treasure your chest." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 1 Report Share Posted January 1 So What ? A freed prisoner walks to a park and starts screaming, "I'm free!" over and over again. A boy with a lisp goes over to him and says, “So what, I’m five!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 1 Report Share Posted January 1 Grandpa, What Are You Doing? A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well... last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 1 Report Share Posted January 1 Going Down In Flames A pilot is having dinner with a brunette and when they finish, they head to a hotel. He calls room service and asks for a bottle of red wine. When it arrives, he opens the bottle and puts some of the wine on the brunette’s lips and then starts kissing her. She asks what he’s doing and he replies, “When I have read meat, I must have red wine.” “Ooohh,” she says. A little later he calls room service again and orders some white wine. It arrives in a few moments and he begins to splash it on the girl's breasts and then starts kissing them. She asks what the white wine is for and he replies, “When I have white meat, I must have white wine.” “Ooohh, she says. Eventually, he works his way down, pulls out a can of lighter fluid and a match, sprinkles it on her muff, and lights it on fire. “Aahhh! Why the hell did you do that?" she yells. “When I go down, I want to go down in flames!” He replies. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 1 Report Share Posted January 1 My Drunk Date A man was at the bar and every so often he would pour some beer on his hand. The woman sitting next to him asked, "What are you doing?” “Getting my date drunk,” he replied. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 1 Report Share Posted January 1 Ever Since My Wife Found It A man notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow, so naturally he’s curious about the sudden burst of fashion daring. He says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings?” “Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” the other guy replies sheepishly. “Well, I’m curious. How long have you been wearing an earring?” “Well, ever since my wife found it in our bed.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 1 Report Share Posted January 1 In A Pair of Men's Pants How many animals can you fit in a pair of men's pants? One cock, two bulls, and as many hares as you like. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 3 Report Share Posted January 3 Joke: What Part Never Rusts? What parts of Popeye never rusts? The parts he puts in Olive Oil. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 3 Report Share Posted January 3 Joke: Then She Was Gone A woman had been in a coma for a while. Her doctors told her husband that they had tried everything they could and that she was near death. There was only one experimental procedure left to try to revive her and that would be oral sex. The husband agreed to try. They provided privacy for the couple and watched the monitor of her condition... blip ... blip... BLIP... then flat line... she was gone. The husband came out shaking his head and said, "I hope I didn't choke her." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 3 Report Share Posted January 3 Joke: Footloose The giddy dame decided to put her cards on the table. She snuck up to the playboy at the bar and whispered, “I’m footloose.” He looked her over carefully and said, “The rest of you can stand tightening too.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 4 Report Share Posted January 4 What's That Lump In Your Shorts? A guy is out jogging when he sees a tennis ball in the gutter. He picks it up and puts it in his pocket, and keeps on going. A while later comes across a friend also out jogging, and they carry on together. After a while his friend says, "What's that lump in your shorts?” "That's a tennis ball," he replies. "Wow!" says his friend, "I've had tennis elbow, and I thought that was bad enough!" Steve5380 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 4 Report Share Posted January 4 Now That's A Vase Two girlfriends where walking down the street and one sees her boyfriend in a flower store buying flowers. She says to her friend, "Shit, I hate when my boyfriend buys me flowers, he always expects something from me.” Her friend says, "What’s wrong with that? I think its sweet." The girl replies, "I am tired of laying on my back with my legs spread open for three days.” "Why don't you just buy a vase?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 4 Report Share Posted January 4 3 Knots Two old sailors were talking after being out at sea for 3 months. One said, "When I get to shore, I am going to have a super sauna, hot shower, and then find a loose woman." The other said, "Well, good luck to you, mate." Later on shore, this old sailor found his loose woman and takes her to his hotel room. Then does what an old sailor would do in those circumstances. After while he says to her, "Well, how am I doing?" She replied, "About 3 knots." "What do mean by that?” the old sailor replied. She said, " One, you're not hard. Two, you're not in. And three, you’re not getting your money back." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 5 Report Share Posted January 5 Joke: It's A Long Distance One sperm says to another, "How long will it take to get to the egg?" The other sperm replies, "Quite a while, we have to pass the tonsils first!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 5 Report Share Posted January 5 When It's Better to Spill An old man was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get... Parkinson's or Alzheimer?" The man answered, "Definitely Parkinson's. Better to spill half an ounce of whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 6 Report Share Posted January 6 Face Down, Ass Up Face down, ass up… That's the way I tie my shoes. yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 6 Report Share Posted January 6 A Brazilian The husband stood in disbelief as he saw his wife in bed with a Brazilian man. Shaking his head, he says, "Honey, this is not what I meant when I said I wanted you to get a Brazilian." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 6 Report Share Posted January 6 How Do You Breath? What did the elephant say to the naked guy standing in front of him? "How do you breath through something that small?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Togsport Posted January 6 Report Share Posted January 6 @worldangel Thank you for being happy .. and making others happy as well. Your jokes are real funny .. gems! Amazing you have been at it for so long! 👍👏 yhtang 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 Thank you Togsport Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 Joke: Make Winnie Mad How do you make Winnie the Pooh mad? Stick 2 fingers in his honey! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 She WAS Uninjured A young man had just brought a motorcycle, and takes his girlfriend for a ride. After a few minutes, she says, "Darling, I’m cold, this top won't fasten at the front, and the wind is rather cold." "Put your jacket on backwards, it'll keep the chill out," the man replies. She does so, suddenly the bike crashes after skidding. The man wakes up in hospital and asked the doctor what happened to his girlfriend. "Well, she was uninjured in the crash. She was actually fine until someone turned her head around the right way." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 Joke: Did You See Me? A man walks into a bank, gets in line, and when it is his turn he pulls out a gun and robs the bank. Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, " id you see me rob this bank?" The customer replies, "Yes!" The bank robber raises his gun, points it to the customer's head, and BANG! Shoots him dead. He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man calmly responds, "No... but my wife did." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 Joke: Terrible Honeymoon John returns from his honeymoon and his friend asks him how it went. “Terrible,” he replies, “on the first night I got up to go to the bathroom and, without thinking, I put a $50.00 on her pillow.” “Well, that’s not so bad, says his friend. “If she is upset, tell her it was a joke.” “She wasn’t upset, replies John. “I got upset when she gave me $30 change!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 My Partner's Hand The hostess of her bridge club got a last-minute call from one of the players that she was sick. Unable to get a replacement on such short notice, she drafted her husband, a mediocre player with an attitude. During the game, he got up and went to the bathroom, leaving the door ajar. Everyone listened as he urinated into the toilet. Embarrassed, his wife called out, "John, would you please close the door!" John's partner said, "Never mind, it's the first time since we started playing that I've known what the man has in his hand." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 Don't Touch Mine A little boy and girl were in a bath tub taking a bath. The girl starts getting a little curious and reaches out to touch the little boy's penis. The little boy pushes her hand out of the way and says, “Hey! Don’t touch mine, you already broke yours." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 Having My Ass Bleached Two women having lunch together are discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, “I need to be honest with you, I’m getting a boob job.” The second woman says, “Oh that’s nothing. I’m thinking of having my ass bleached.” To which the first replies, “Whoa! I just can’t picture your husband as a blonde.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 Do You Smoke? A prostitute says to a man, “Do you smoke after sex?” The man thinks for a moment, and then he says, “I don’t know. I’ve never looked.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 That's Not A Problem Is It? Three older gentlemen in a nursing home are discussing their nightly Bathroom habits. The first guy says, "I have to get up every 2 hours and take a wiz, but I stand there and only dribble a little bit an nothing hardly comes out." The 2nd guy says, "I know exactly what you mean, the same thing happens with me." The 3rd guy is not saying anything. The other two ask him if he has any problems. He replies, "At about 5am every day I whiz like a race horse on a rock, and by 6am I have the best bowel movement every day." As the other two guys are listening one asks him, "That's not really a problem is it?" He replies, "For me it is, I don't get up till about 7am." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 One Is Not Enough It has recently been brought to our attention that a definite parallel exists between a Martini and woman’s breasts… One is not enough, and three are too many! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 Why Women Have Orgasms Why do women have orgasms? Just another reason to moan, really. yhtang and FattChoy 2 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 So Hot For You A retired couple that had been married for 50 years was struggling to keep up the romance in their marriage. They figured out a way to keep their love alive and well. They started a nightly ritual to eat dinner together completely naked. One day, the wife told her husband, "This is really working because my tits are so hot for you." The husband replied, "I can see that, sweetheart. One of your nipples is in your tea, and the other is in your soup." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 14 Report Share Posted January 14 A blonde was hard up for money... A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her neighbourhood, trying to find a job. She met a nice man who said he would give her work. All she had to do was paint his porch white. He gave her a bucket of paint and left. He walked into his house, laughing. He told his brunette wife what he had done. "Frank, our porch covers half of the house! You're so mean." his wife replied. Three hours later, the blonde went in the house, and gave the bucket of white paint back to the man. The astonished man handed her a $100 bill, and asked how she finished it so quickly. "It takes time, but it was easy." was her reply. "Oh, and it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 14 Report Share Posted January 14 A family took their frail, elderly mother ... A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart." fresh7up 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 14 Report Share Posted January 14 A man was speeding down the highway... A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so "Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch all the fish?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 14 Report Share Posted January 14 Book Power Wife: "Whenever I keep money in my purse, our son steals it! I don’t know what to do?” Husband: "Hide it in his books. I know he will never touch them." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 15 Report Share Posted January 15 Cotton Candy So this old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn. He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast as possible. The man walks up to the boy and says "You know son, it's really not healthy to eat all that candy." The kid looks up at him and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 97 years old." The man replies "Oh and did he eat a lot of candy?" The kid looks at him and says "No, but he minded his own fucking business." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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