worldangel Posted January 15 Report Share Posted January 15 A man was speeding down the highway... A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 15 Report Share Posted January 15 We Are The Best Of Friends The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 15 Report Share Posted January 15 How many children... Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him. They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he`d put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy." Without a moment’s hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 17 Report Share Posted January 17 A wife woke in the middle of the night... A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up in the corner, of the basement ,... crying like a baby. "Honey, what's wrong?", she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant and your father threatened me to either marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied. "Well, I would have been released from jail this afternoon!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 17 Report Share Posted January 17 Is it a good baby? A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor's surgery. "Why is your stomach so big?" he asks. "I'm having a baby," she replies. "Is the baby in your stomach?" he asks, with his big eyes. "Yes, it is," she says. "Is it a good baby?" he asks, with a puzzled look. "Oh, yes. A really good baby," the lady replies. Shocked and surprised, he asks: "Then why did you eat him?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 17 Report Share Posted January 17 What Their Daddy's Do A third grade teacher asked her students to, one by one, stand in front of the class and tell what their Daddy's do. Little Mary went first, “My daddy is a doctor and he saves people's lives” “That's wonderful Mary. Now how about you Jane, what does your daddy do?” “My daddy is a lawyer and he puts bad people in jail,” says Jane “Very good Jane. Ok Johnny, what does your daddy do?” “My daddy is dead” says Johnny “Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that Johnny,” said the teacher, “what did he do before he died?” “He turned blue and shit on the carpet” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 17 Report Share Posted January 17 Joke: Best room in the hotel? The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!" said the drunk. "Very good, sir. I`ll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 17 Report Share Posted January 17 Joke: An armless man walked into a bar... An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms. The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him. The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?" The bartender quickly replies, "The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 17 Report Share Posted January 17 Joke: Four legs A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 17 Report Share Posted January 17 Joke: Home yet? A middle aged woman sought help from her doctor. "All my husband does is complain that I never want to have sex with him," she said. "And he's right too. I have no desire at all." The doctor gave her a prescription and told her to return for a visit in two weeks. After the two weeks were up, she bounced smiling into his office. "Those pills were great Doc, I'm doin' it twice a night now." "That's wonderful," said the doctor, "What does your husband say now?" "How should I know?" she replied. "I ain't been home yet." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Joke: Two rednecks are walking down Two rednecks are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?" "Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them." "OK. Umm... five?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Joke: An old man goes to the Wizard ... An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Joke: Nosey Neighbours I fear my neighbour may be stalking me, she was googling my name last night on her computer... I saw it clearly through my binoculars! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Joke: Avoiding the crowds... It was Christmas Eve and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "What?!? That's no offence," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," he replied. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 22 Report Share Posted January 22 How Many Women? A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 22 Report Share Posted January 22 A housewife with three young children ... A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the wife's turn to talk, she took the receiver and said, "Hi, honey." "Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 22 Report Share Posted January 22 Traffic lights camera A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash. Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was under the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed by the camera. Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and, going at snail's pace, he passed the camera. AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went. Four weeks later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seatbelt. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted January 22 Report Share Posted January 22 A husband and wife were shopping... A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric." The husband replied, "How about a chair?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Thursday at 03:29 PM Report Share Posted Thursday at 03:29 PM I've been circumcised.... Two five year old boys are standing at the potty to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!" "I've been circumcised." the other one says. "What's that mean?" "It means they cut the skin off the end." "How old were you when it was cut off?" "My Mom said I was two days old." "Did it hurt?" "You bet it hurt, I couldn't walk for a year!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Thursday at 03:30 PM Report Share Posted Thursday at 03:30 PM A man was shopping in the men’s department A man was shopping in the men's department at Bloomingdale's when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter. He went up to her and said, "Good morning, madam." She smiled pleasantly and asked, "And what would you like?" The man said, "I'd like to wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight. Then run my hand up and down your bottom and squeeze that. Then run my hands along your inner thighs, up underneath your dress. When I get to your sweet womanhood, I'd like to rub that while simultaneously unbuttoning your blouse with my teeth and then suck on your beautiful breasts and bite your nipples lightly... But what I *need* is a new tie!" yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Thursday at 03:31 PM Report Share Posted Thursday at 03:31 PM Fortune telling A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says: "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," says the psychic: "Next semester, in her biology class." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Thursday at 03:32 PM Report Share Posted Thursday at 03:32 PM I’ll Forget Bob: Hey Al, you know you owe me $500. Al: Yes. Bob: I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll forget half of the money. Al: That’s perfect, I’ll forget the other half. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Friday at 03:10 PM Report Share Posted Friday at 03:10 PM Joke: A magician was working on a cruise ship ... A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades? The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another. After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat ? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Friday at 03:11 PM Report Share Posted Friday at 03:11 PM Joke: Window seat A blonde is going to London on a plane; how can you steal his window seat? Tell him all seats going to London are in the middle row. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Friday at 03:12 PM Report Share Posted Friday at 03:12 PM Joke: Learning From Teachers Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Friday at 03:12 PM Report Share Posted Friday at 03:12 PM Joke: Broken Arm A guy goes to the doctor. Guy: "Doc, I think I broke my arm in three places." Doctor: "Well, don't go to those places!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Sunday at 01:48 PM Report Share Posted Sunday at 01:48 PM Joke: A young man wanted to get his ... A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?" She replies "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Sunday at 01:49 PM Report Share Posted Sunday at 01:49 PM Joke: Charged For Speeding A man was speeding down on highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?" "Ever go a fishin'?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch 'em all?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Sunday at 01:50 PM Report Share Posted Sunday at 01:50 PM Joke: One night a teenage girl brought .. One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Sunday at 01:51 PM Report Share Posted Sunday at 01:51 PM Joke: Great at making Sunday lunches I told my friend that he'd be great at making Sunday lunches. Because he's an excellent roaster. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted 5 hours ago Report Share Posted 5 hours ago Joke: This duck walks into a convenience store ... This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves. The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!" The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted 5 hours ago Report Share Posted 5 hours ago Joke: Two private detectives were doing ... Two private detectives were doing some research on a scandalous divorce case in LA. At the husband's request they staked out the wife's bedroom, and sure enough, she had another man inside. The detectives remarked to one another that they were going at it as if sex was going out of style. After watching rather furtively for quite a few minutes, one detective finally said, "As long as we’re here on the case, may be we should go in after him?" To this the other replied, "Great idea! Who first?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted 5 hours ago Report Share Posted 5 hours ago Joke: Cat Scan A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted 5 hours ago Report Share Posted 5 hours ago Joke: Doctor told me I was going deaf Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf... I haven’t heard from him since Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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