Jump to content
Male HQ

Be Happy :)


Guest smoking bear

Recommended Posts

Short Joke: New household cleaner

 

Did you hear about  the new household cleaner just put on the market?

 

It's called "Bachelor"

 

Why?

 

Because it works fast, and leaves no ring.

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: A man at a restaurant .....

 

A man at a restaurant asks the waiter,

 

How do you prepare your chicken?

 

The waiter replies, Nothing special. We just tell them they' re gonna die.

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: A man shows up .......

 

A man shows up for his doctor's appointment with a piece of celery in each ear and a carrot in each his nostrils.

 

He says to the doctor, "Doc, I'm not feeling well"

 

Whereupon the doctor replied, "Perhaps you're not eating right"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Chicken and Egg ......

 

A  chicken and  an egg are lying  in bed.

 

The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.

 

The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.

 

The egg mutters, to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Two blondes ......

 

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.

 

They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.

 

The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously,

 

"Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: TGIF

 

A blonde  goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F tee-shirt.

 

"Why are you wearing a 'Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?"

 

"Oh no" the blonde says, "I thought it meant: 'Tits Go In Front"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Mom and catsup .....

 

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle, the phone rang, so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer it.

 

"It's the Minister, Mommy", the child said to her mother. Then she said to him, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Canibal

 

A canibal invited a canibal friend over for supper one evening.

 

While enjoying the soup, the friend said, "Your wife sure makes a great soup!"

 

The host replied, "Yes, and I'm really going to miss her"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: The Heaven said so ....

 

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate  shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

 

Another one said, "How do you know?"

 

The first inmate said, "Because Heaven told me!"

 

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: My mind is gone .....

 

"Oh  Goodness," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm  convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"

 

Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, " I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Blondes at the river

 

A blonde, out for a walk, comes to a river  and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.

 

"Yoo hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

 

The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river, then shouts back, "You ARE on the other side"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: I told my girlfriend .....

 

I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her, and she said that I must have been out drinking again.

 

I asked her why she would say that, and she said, "Because I'm your father"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: At a party ......

 

At a party, a guy approached a girl and whispered something in her ear.

 

"You filthy pervert!"she shrieked. "What makes you think I'd let you do a thing like that to me?"

 

Then her eyes narrowed and she said, "Unless you're the son-of-a-bitch that stole my diary!"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Is there a doctor in ....?

 

The wife of a Las Vegas doctor telephoned a local casino and asked to have her husband paged.

 

"Sorry, Madam," came the reply, "but the house does not make doctor calls"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Doctor, you told me  ....

 

"Doctor, you told me I have a month to live and then  you sent me a bill for $1,000! I can't pay that before the end of the month!"

 

"Okay, you have six months to live"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Bill, wash .....

 

Dad: Bill, wash your face! I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.

 

Bill: What did I have?

 

Dad: Eggs

 

Bill: Wrong. That was yesterday!

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Drank so much

 

"Didja hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon.

 

"Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!"

 

"Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke:  What is it?

 

Yes, Theo, what it is? asked the teacher.

 

I don't want to alarm you, Miss Davis, but my dad said if I didn't get better marks, someone was going to get a licking.

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Surgery

 

A woman  is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery.

 

As she lays there, a man in white coat comes by, lifts up sheet, and then leaves.

 

This happens a second time.

 

The third time this happens, she says "Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?"

 

The man replied,  "Don't ask me lady. I'm just painter!"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Visit to museum

 

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.

 

"This", she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"

 

"No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called mirror."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Two guys were cruising ....

 

Two guys  were cruising downtown,  hoping to improve their sex life.

 

As they passed a mortuary,one elbows the other and says, "How 'bout stopping in for a cold one?"

 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Why married woman ....

 

Q. Why are married women heavier than the single women?

 

A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: After quarrel ....

 

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you"

 

And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Like father like son ...

 

Joey's teacher  sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey seems to be avery bright boy, but spends too muchofhios time thinking of sex and girls"

 

The mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his father."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Do not drink

 

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the toilet.

 

He doesn't want anyone  to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!"

 

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: A man goes to see his doctor .......

 

A man goes to see his doctor. The doctor asks what is wrong and the man says "Doctor, I think I'm a moth"

 

To this the doctor responds< "You think you're a moth? Well, I don't think you need a doctor. Sounds like whatyou need is therapist."

 

"Yeah I know," replies the patient.

 

I was on my way to see a therapist, but I came here because I saw your light was on"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Spelling Bee

 

Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word 'new" on the blackboard.

 

"Now", she asked Johnny, "What word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?"

 

After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Fine

 

A pickpocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks, you are hereby fined $100.

 

The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd ....."

 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: True or false?

 

A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At  the end of the test he's flipping the coin again.

 

The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Two childern went to .....

 

Two children went into their parent's bathroom and noticed the scale in the corner.

 

"Whatever you do," cautioned one child to the younger one, "don't step on it!"

 

"Why not?" asked the sibling.

 

"Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful scream!"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Geraniums .....

 

"I'm sorry,"said the clerkin the  flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use violets flower instead?"

 

Replied the customersadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Is there a Doctor ....?

 

The wife of a Las Vegas doctor telephoned a local casino and asked to have her husband paged.

 

"Sorry, Madam," came the reply, "but the house doesn't make doctor calls"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke: Three men

 

There were three men on a cliff and whatever they wished for it would come true. So, the first guy jumps off the cliff and wishes he was a bird so he could fly home.

 

The second guy wished he was a dolphin so he could swim home then the last guy tripped over a rock, fell off the cliff and said OH CRAP!!!!

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Little Johnny ....

 

Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His morher asks, "What do you learn in school today?"

 

Liitle Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Three blondes ....

 

Three blondes were taking a walk  in the country when they came upon a line of tracks.  The first blonde said,  "Those must be deer tracks!"

 

The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are  rabbit tracks!". The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"

 

They were still arguing 10mins. Later when a train hit them!"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Best room in the hotel?

 

The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed.

 

"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel"

 

"I insist on another  room!" said the drunk

 

"Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.

 

"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: What's the difference ...?

 

Q: What's the differernce between a northern fairy tale and the southern fairy tale?

 

A: A northern fairy tale begins with, "One upon a time ...." A southern  fairy tale begins with, "Y" all ain't gonna believe this ...."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: Menopause

 

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

 

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Short Joke: My living  Will

 

Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and Im said to them, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug"

 

They got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...