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 Joke: A husband and wife at a hotel ...

A husband and wife at a hotel asked for a 6am alarm call. On the stroke of 6, the phone rang and a voice said: "This is your wake-up call." The guest said thanks and put the phone down.

 

A minute later the phone rang again and the voice said: "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, the husband said: "You phoned only a minute ago." "I know," replied the receptionist, "but there are two of you."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Mouse Tattoo

There is a woman sitting with a bunch of guys at a bar.


The guys were all showing off their tattoos and uttering sexist remarks as to how women cannot take enough pain to get a tattoo.

After listening to the guys gloat for a little bit longer, the woman states, "Well, I have a tattoo, too!"

The men all look surprised.

The woman continues, "I have a tattoo of a cute little grey mouse in a rather private place. Do you want to see my tattoo?"

The guys are getting excited as the crowd starts gathering around the woman..

Without much ado, the woman stands up, undoes her pants and drops them. She then looks down, looks kind of confused, and gives the men a wimpish smile.

One of the men asks, "What's wrong, sweet lady?"

The woman, with a big smile on her face, answers, "Oh, nothing, I can't show you my little mouse tattoo after all. My pussy must have eaten it."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Maiden Name

Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver's license.


“Will there be any change of address?” the clerk inquired.

“No,” I replied.

“Oh, good,” she said, clearly delighted. “You got the house.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: At a divorce court a family of...

At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear.
The judge asks the baby bear; “do you want to live with papa bear?”

 

The baby bear replied; "No he beats me. " The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear! The baby bear said, "No she beats me too." The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?"

 

The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Ever since we got married...

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market."

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Remember how...

A couple who'd been married for over 50 years was sitting on the sofa, when the wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?"

He moved over and sat close to her.

"Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?"

He reached over and held her tight.

"And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?"

With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Well," answered the husband, "I have to get my teeth."


 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Forgetful...

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Silver lining...

There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The Doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.

The husband then donated some of his skin ..... however, the only place suitable to the Doctor was from his buttocks.

The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter!

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before!

All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful beauty.

She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for what he did. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!"

He replied, "Oh, don't worry, Honey, I get plenty of thanks every time your Mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Little Johnny was at football ...

Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said, "Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts?" 

Immediately little Johnny said, "Ooh... me sir, me!" 

The coach then said, "But Johnny you are the worst on the team!" 

Then Johnny said, "I know, but goalposts can’t jump!" 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Duck analysis

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.


The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.


A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The linguist

The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed.


He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised."


She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Dark

Two Rednecks were sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life.


One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern.

One drunk says, "I sure wish that sheep was Marilyn Monroe."

The other says, "I just wish it were dark."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: What was the first ...

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 


WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 


ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 


WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
 


 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Birthday gift...

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with waterguns?"

Mom smiled and then replied, "Oh, I remember...."


 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A college's student body is composed ...

A college's student body is composed of the sons and daughters of the very rich who could not meet the academic requirements of any other college. 

Lo and behold, the college basketball team wins every game and dominates their league. All this success is due to one amazing player - a cross between Larry Bird and Michael Jordan. 

This kid is terrific. The player and the team become the center of nationwide media attention. The student body is thrilled. 

Now, the NCAA goes to the college and asks for proof of this player's academic eligibility. The college administration promises such documentation in a few days. The faculty works night and day coaching the student for the crucial test. 

The day of the public examination arrives, and the entire student body is there to support their star player. A professor stands and announces the first question, "How much is five and two?" The student frowns in deep concentration - he thinks, he sweats, he shakes with effort. At last he shouts the answer, "SEVEN." 

The entire student body rises, and as a single voice, they cry. "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!" 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Great fathers

Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.


The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow"

.
The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".


The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45"!!
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Policeman joke

A man was recently flying to big City. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate.

 

"I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?"


"I should let you know first that I am a policeman."


"That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: A young lady came home from a ...

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: A man is driving up a steep, narrow...

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Menacing

Wayne was returning home from a business trip... bags in hand ... and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage.


Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. “Get in,” the driver ordered. “I'll take you to your car.”
Startled, Wayne took a step backward. “Ah ... no thanks,” he answered.“ I can get there myself.”


“No,” the man barked back as he threw open his passenger side door. “Get In !”
Wayne's eyes now darted around the garage, hoping to find a security guard.


Just then, the driver's face softened ..... “Please,” he said, “I've been driving up and down for two hours. I can't find a space to park and I want yours.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Who Wants To Be a Millionaire....

A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let's go upstairs..."

The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.

So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes.

The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?"


 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A plus

A college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.


She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she wrote:

"Goodness, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: During a dinner party, the hosts’...

During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going.

 

The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.


After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, “You see, it is vanishing cream!”
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: New secretary...

A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.

"Hey, what's up with you?", he asks.

"Oh, it’s my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."

"Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?"

"Neither, He's bald."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Donald MacDonald

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye was admitted to Oxford University, and was now living in his first year of residence there. His clan was very excited that one of their own had made it into the upper class of education, but were concerned how he'd do in "that strange land."

 

After the first month, his mother came to visit, with reinforcements of whiskey and oatmeal.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.


"Oh, Mother," he replied, shaking his head sadly, "they're such terrible, noisy people: The one on that side keeps banging his head against the wall, and won't stop; and the one on the other side screams and screams and screams away into the night."


"But Donald! How do you manage with those dreadful noisy English neighbors?"
"Well, mother, I just ignore 'em. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes..."


 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: The boss was concerned that his...

The boss was concerned that his employees weren’t giving him enough respect, so he tried and old fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a sign that said “I’m the Boss” and taped it to his door.

 

After lunch, he noticed someone had taped another note under his. “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A man was walking down the beach ...

A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand.


He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "You may have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for all the lawyers in the world will get double." The man agreed and said, " I want a million dollars." He got that and the lawyers got 2 million.

Next he said, "I want a Ferrari." So he got one and all the lawyers got 2. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.

Finally he said," Well I've always wanted to give a kidney."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: The penny....

After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die.

No amount of talking was helping. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Daddy, do it again!!!"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Who gets the present....

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to Mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in union. "Okay, Dad. You get the toy."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Deep heat

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, I need something to keep me horny....keep me potent."


The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label, "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."

The guy says, "Gimme three boxes."

The next day, the guy walks into the same pharmacy, limps up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants.

The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and skin is hanging off in some places.

In a paired voice, the man moans out, "Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat."

The pharmacist replies in horror, "You can't put deep heat on that."

The man replies, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: At a divorce court, a family of...

At a divorce court, a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear. 

The judge asks the baby bear;
Do you want to live with papa bear?” 
The baby bear replied, "No he beats me. " 

The judge asked, "so do you want to live with mommy bear?" 
The baby bear said, "No she beats me too." 

The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?" 
The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!" 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Picasso

After his wife divorced him, Joe asked his best friend, Bill, to fix him up with a blind date. Bill obliged.

 

The next day Joe called up Bill and shouted at him angrily: "Bill, what kind of a guy do you think I am.

 

That girl you fixed me up with was cross-eyed; she was almost bald; her nose was long, thin and crooked; she had hair growing on her face; she was flat chested; and her ankles were as thick as her thighs".


Bill answered: "Either you like Picasso, or you don't like Picasso."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Going to Las Vegas

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.


"Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says.

"I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.

"Where do you think you going?" the wife asks.

"I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: As horny as hell

A guy is horny a hell - but broke. He goes to a whorehouse with $5.00, and begs the Madame to give him whatever she can for it.


She says "I'm sorry, but that will only cover the rent for ten minutes, and none of my hookers work for free!"

The guy gets the room, but has nothing to fuck. He looks out on the ledge of the building and sees a pigeon.

Quietly, he opens the window, grabs the poor bird and just fucks the living shit out of it. Satisfied, he goes home.

Next week, he returns to the whorehouse, with his pay cheque. He says to the Madame, "I got lots of money now...give me a hooker!".

The Madame replies "All of them are busy now, why don't you go to the peep show and get yourself in the mood?".

The guy does, and is enjoying the show, when he turns to the guy next to him and says, "Hey, these chicks really know what they're doing huh?",

The guy responds, "Yeah, but you should have been here last week, there was this guy fxxking a pigeon!"

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Address me as...

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

“John,” the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, “Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by his first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”

The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”

“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Fat free....

I stopped at a fast-food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat-Free French Fries. I decided to give them a try.

I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer, which was dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order.

"Just a minute!" I said. "Those aren't fat-free."

"Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes . . . the fat is free!"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A sweet little boy surprised his ...

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. 

He made it himself and was so proud. 

He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. 

The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip, she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. 
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?" 

Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'" 



 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Fear of alligators ....

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.

"The sharks got 'em."


 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Victim of imagination

Michael was a victim of his imagination and suffered from diseases that did not exist. One day, he staggered into the house bent forward, looking for a chair, and still curled into a half-moon shape, dropped into it.


While struggling to breathe, he said "Jane, it has hit me at last. It came without a warning. All of a sudden I found I could not straighten up. I can't even raise my head."


When the doctor came to see Michael, his wife asked the doctor, "Will he survive?"


"Well" the doctor said, "it certainly would be a great help if he will unhitch the second buttonhole of his vest from the top button of his trousers.



 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Two bachelors, Larry and Frank...

Two bachelors, Larry and Frank, were out to dinner. 

The conversation drifted from office, sports, to politics, and then to cooking. 

I got a cook book once
said Larry. But I couldn’t do anything with it. Too much fancy stuff in it, huh? asks Frank. 

You said it, Larry replied, nodding. Every one of those recipes began the same way: Take a clean plate
…” 
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Spare the rod

A man whose wife had just given birth to their first child was visiting the hospital nursery to see his new son.


As the proud father was admiring his handsome baby through the glass partition, he could not help but notice that the baby in the next bassinet seemed frail and sickly looking by comparison.

Just then a nurse went walking by and the man stopped her for a moment.

"What's the matter with that little fellow?" he asked. "He seems awfully puny and underweight."

"He's one of those artificial insemination babies," explained the nurse, and he's been coming along rather slowly, I'm afraid."

"Well, that sort of confirms a theory of mine," said the man.

"What's that?" asked the nurse.

The man replied with a smile., ... "Spare the rod and spoil the child."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: A widower who never paid any ..

A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance.

 

A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?"

 

"Yes, my husband." "Are you happy?" "Yes, my husband." "Happier than you were with me?" "Yes, my husband."

 

"Then Heaven must be an amazing place!" "I'm not in Heaven, dear."
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A magician was working on a cruise ship ...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick. 


Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?


The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk.

 

The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.


After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat?

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Eternal suffering

Jerry dies in a car accident and goes straight to hell to suffer eternally at the hands of the devil. As he passes deadly pits and screaming sinners, he saw a man getting cozy with a beautiful lady. He recognized the man - he was a cunning lawyer who had died a couple of years ago.


"This is not fair!" Jerry exclaims. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer is having fun with a beautiful woman."


"Be quiet!" barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Officer to driver going the wrong ...

Officer to driver going the wrong way up a one way street. "And where do you think you are going?" 

Driver: "I'm not sure, but I must be late as everyone else is coming back." 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Reload that thing

A guy got a sun burnt while at a nude beach.

 

Later, he found having sex to be extremely painful, so he went to the kitchen, poured a glass of milk, and inserted his dick in the glass.

His girlfriend came into the kitchen and said, "I've always wanted to know how men reload that thing."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: A young man wanted to get his ...

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. 


The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?" 
She replies "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." 


"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: An elderly couple stood before...

An elderly couple stood before the family court judge after a long divorce trial.

 

The judge asked why they wanted a divorce after having been married for nearly 70 years.

 

They answered:" We wanted to wait, till after the kids had died".

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Buy your grade...

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in.

 

The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

 

The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Nursery school teacher says to...

Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"


First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue"

Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."

Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green"

"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

"Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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