Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: Spendthrifts

A father and his son were looking at a nativity scene in a London gallery. It was Titian's world-famous painting of the scene at Bethlehem. 

The boy said, “Dad, why is the baby lying in such a crude cradle in a pile of straw?”

"Well, son,” explained the father, “they were poor, and they couldn't afford anything better.”

Said the boy, "Then how could they afford to have their picture painted by such an expensive artist?”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: An Insurance Company

Form Feed Insurance form question and answer about a recent accident: 
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: I could have traveled by bus. 

A man collided with a cow and completed the requested form as follows: 
Q: What warning did you give the other party before the collision? A: Horn 
Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo 

[worldangel]

Joke: A professor of chemistry wanted...

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

 

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked. 

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Caught on the Job

The new army recruit was given guard duty at 2 a.m. He did his best for a while, but at about 4 a.m. he went to sleep. He awakened to find the officer of the day standing before him.

Remembering the heavy penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this smart young man kept his head bowed for another moment and looked upward and reverently said, A-a-a-men!
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A man was checking into a hotel...

A man was checking into a hotel when he saw a golden retriever sitting on a rug near the hotel elevator.

 

Talking to the man behind the desk, he asked, "Does your dog bite?"

 

The attendant said, "No, he doesn't."

 

But as the man let his hand down to pat the dog, it bit his hand and held on so tightly that the man had to throw him across the room.

Returning to the desk, the man said, "I thought you said that your dog didn't bite."

 

He directed the attendant's attention to the dog, who now had returned to the rug.

 

The attendant simply answered, "My friend that is NOT my dog."
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Savings

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was 23.

 

The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. 

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. 

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!" 

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh Goodness! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!" 
 

[worldangel]

Joke: There was a sandwich machine in ...

There was a sandwich machine in a Norwegian factory. Olaf didn't quite understand what the machine was about though. He went to the machine and put his money in the machine and got one sandwich. He was so excited, he put more of his money into the machine and received another sandwich. Finally, he had a huge pile of sandwiches.

Another worker was wondering what Olaf was doing:
- "Olaf, don't you think you should stop now?"
- "What the hell are you babbling about?! I am just starting to win big!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A man walked into a bar, sat down ...

A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks.

Curious, the bartender asked him one day, "Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?"

The man answered, "Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they've both passed on, I've continued to order the three shots in their honor."

The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar.

Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey. Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering three.

The man answered, "Oh, I've decided to stop drinking."

[worldangel]

Joke: Sex and athletics....

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities.

In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Reason For Running

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.

The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."

The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Newlyweds

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor... "I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband. "My testicles are turning blue." 

"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you." 
The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue. The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?" 

"Yes, I am," she replied. 
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?" 
"Grape" 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Pickle Slicer

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. 

He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. 

He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. 

"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. 
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" 

"Oh, Bill, you didn't." 
"Yes, I did." 
"My God, Bill, what happened?" 
"I got fired." 

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" 
"Oh...she got fired too."
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Heaven or ???

A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes.

"The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them."

"Why not?" asked her friend.

"Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell."

"Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but. . . he didn't mention anything about including matches in the package, did he?"
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Duct Tape

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)

"I kicked her in the face."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Another wife?

At the pre-birth class for couples who'd already had at least one child the instructor raised the question of how to break the news to an older child.

"Some parents tell the older child, 'We love you so much that we decided to bring another child into our family.'

"But think about that for a second. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'?"

One of the women spoke up right away, "Does she cook?"
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Vicky was at a business conference ...

Vicky was at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect.

 

Her six-year-old son picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have Vicky on the line. Will you accept the charges?”

 

Frantic, the six-year-old dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They have Mom! And they want money!”

[worldangel]

Joke: Adoption

A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.

The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "Whatever possessed you to study Japanese?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".

[worldangel]

 Joke: Her husband had been slipping ...

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

 

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.

 

When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Anniversaries

Who said men don't remember anniversaries? 
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. 

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. 
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. 

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. 
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. 
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, 
"Why are you down here at this time of night?" 

The husband looks up from is coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. 
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. 
"Yes I do," she replies. 

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. 
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" 
Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. 
The husband continued. 

"Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" 
"I remember that too" she replied softly. 
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today." 
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A woman goes into a dentist

A woman goes into a dentist's office, and after her examination, the dentist says, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill that tooth.

Horrified, the woman replies, Oh, no! I'd rather have a baby.

To which the dentist replies, Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair.
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Lost boots...

There was a little boy in kindergarten. At the end of one cold winter day, when all the other children were leaving, the teacher found him crying, so she asked him what was wrong.

He sobbed, "I can't find my boots."

The teacher looked around the classroom and saw a pair of boots. "Are these yours?"

"No, they're not mine," said the little boy, shaking his head.

The teacher and the boy searched all over the classroom for his boots.

Finally, the teacher gave up, "Are you SURE those boots are not yours?"

"I'm sure," the boy sobbed, "mine had snow on them."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Cannibals and Politicians

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Broiled Missionary: $25.00

Fried Explorer: $35.00

Baked Politician: $100.00.

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked , "Why such a price difference for the politician?"

The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"

[worldangel]

 Joke: A man sits down at a bar and o...

A man sits down at a bar and orders a double martini.

 

After he finishes, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders another.

 

After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders another double martini.

 

The barman says: "I'll bring you martinis all night but why do you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

 

The customer replies: "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Emergency landing...

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: There was a boy on the bus, an...

There was a boy on the bus, and he yelled out annoying phrases like "If my mommy was a girl bear, and my daddy was a boy bear I would be a little bear, if my mommy was a girl horse, and my daddy were a boy horse, I would be a little horse." he kept on saying the same thing with different animals.

 

The bus driver got annoyed and yelled "If your mom was a prostitute and your dad was guy what would you be?" he replied with "A bus driver"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: An elderly man in Florida had ...

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice: picnic tables, horseshoe courts, a volleyball court, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while.

He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. 

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" 

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." 

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A man walking down the street ...

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house.

 

Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.

 

The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell.

 

He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"

The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Ed and Ted are standing side by side ...

Ed and Ted are standing side by side at urinals when Ed glances down and sees that Ted's dick is twisted like a corkscrew.

Ed says, "I've never seen one like that before."

Ted says, "Like what?"

Ed says, "All twisted, like a pig's tail."

Ted says, "What's yours like?"

Ed says, "Straight, like normal."

Ted says, "I thought mine was normal 'til I saw yours."

Ed finishes and starts shaking his prick.

Ted says, "What'd you do that for?"

Ed says, "I was shaking out the last few drops."

Ted says, "Wow... and to think that all these years I've been wringing mine out."
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: A business man packing for a trip ...

A business man packing for a trip glances in his briefcase. 

"Honey?" 

"Yes, darling?" 

"Honey," he says, in mild exasperation, "why do you persist in putting a condom in my briefcase every time I go on a trip? You know I only have eyes for you. I'd never be unfaithful." 

"Oh, I know, darling, and I trust you," she replies sweetly, "It's just that, well you know, with all those terrible diseases out there, it would make me feel better to know that if anything did happen, you'd be protected. So please, darling, take it with you, won't you? For my peace of mind?" 

"Oh, alright, if you put it that way," he relented, "I'll take it along. But for safety's sake, better give me more than one!" 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Upon seeing an elderly lady for ...

Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.

She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.

On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney's mind: 'Do I tell my partner?'

[worldangel]

Joke: Two men on the beach

Two men, one a brunette and the other a blonde, were comparing their luck picking up girls at the beach. The brunette guy says, "what works for me is this: go to a grocery store, buy a potato and put it in your swim trunk."

The blonde guy thanks him and spends the next 5 hours roaming the beach with a potato in his swim trunks - with no luck. He says to his brunette friend that he DID put a potato in his swim trunks and had no luck.

 

The brunette guy says to the blonde guy, "you ass-hole! The potato goes in the FRONT of your trunks, not the back!!!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: It was a blonde’s first day at ...

It was a blonde’s first day at the office. Her first task was to go out for coffee. 

Eager to prove her worth to her new bosses, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to the nearby coffee shop. 

She held up the thermos so that the counterman could view it, and she asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" 

The counterman looked at the thermos and replied, "Yes. It looks like about six cups to me." 

"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Give me three regular, one black, and two decaf."

[worldangel]

Joke: There was a blonde. She had never ...

There was a blonde. She had never been horseback riding and decided to try, even though she had no prior experience. So the blonde gracefully mounted the horse.

 

The horse started off at an easy gallop, the blonde thought she was doing quite well. When all of a sudden, she began to slip! She tried to grasp the horse’s mane but it was too slick!

 

So, she decided to jump to safety....so she jumped, but her foot was caught in the sturrup! She was at the mercy of the horse’s feet, and right before she was knocked unconscious.... the manager of Wal-mart walked out and turned the horse off

[worldangel]

Joke: A lawyer walks into a bar and ...

A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.

"Well," said the drunk, "it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."

"Let me have it," said the lawyer. Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. "Yes," he finally said, "it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but i don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"

"From my nose," the drunk replied.

[worldangel]

Joke: Free advice at social affairs?

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.

 

The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?"

 

The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.

[worldangel]

Joke: There were two guys working for...

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.

The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally, he had to ask them.

He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"

The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

[worldangel]

Joke: Under a tack ....

Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of the truck in front of him.

 

Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another office had seen the carton in the road.

 

The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.

"I'm sorry, Sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."

Amazed, the driver demanded to know the reason.

The trooper replied . . . "Tacks evasion."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Playing Your Age

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50.

 

Exasperated, she exclaims to the whole table, 'What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do now?'

A man standing next to her suggests, 'I don't know, why don't you play your age?'

He walks away, but moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table.

 

Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd.

 

The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, 'What happened? Is she all right?'

The operator replies, 'I don't know. She put all her money on 36, and when 47 came up she just fainted!'

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A witness was called to stand

A witness was called to stand to testify about a head-on automobile collision.

"Whose fault was this accident?" the lawyer asked.

"As near as I could tell," replied the witness, "they hit each other at about the same time."

[worldangel]

Joke: My mind is gone

"Oh, my Goodness," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"

Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Ed and Ted met for the first time ...

Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you?" Ed asked.

"Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust."

"Oh dear, that sounds terrible." Ed said. "What business were you in?"

"I sell lucky charms," said Ted.

[worldangel]

Joke: Good news...bad news...

"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client.

"First the bad news: The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the victim's dress."

"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"

"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Take Your Time

A woman was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale. 'My husband is going to be very angry I stopped at a yard sale,' she said.

'I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains you found,' her friend replied.

'Normally, yes,' she said. 'But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set.'
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Margie received a bill from the ...

Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $1200 fee for the anaesthesist.

 

She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone. 

"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly. 

"Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out." 

"Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 1200 dollars is for bringing you back around."

[worldangel]

Joke:  Have A First Child

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child.

After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.

The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.

In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me." 

[worldangel]

Joke: I think I'm shrinking!

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

[worldangel]

Joke: I used to eat a lot of natural

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

[worldangel]

 Joke: Six months to live...

"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious patient. "You only have six months to live."

The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes.

 

Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time."

"Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: The physician writing out a prescription ...

The physician writing out a prescription for his hypertensive cardiac patient: “Diazepam 5mg (tranquilizer) TDS".

The patient’s wife asks, "Doctor, when are these medicines to be given?"

Doctor: "These are to be taken by you. He needs rest"

[worldangel]

Joke: Little Nancy was in the garden...

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?" 

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him." 
The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" 

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."