worldangel Posted December 12, 2017 Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 Joke: There is no smoking in the cab... There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put you out. This is a free service we provide. There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit. We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight ... hold on, let me check what it is ... Oh here it is; the movie tonight is Gone with the Wind. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 12, 2017 Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 Joke: Nude Tiptoer... A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30. So she decided to be considerate and not rouse him this time. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom, only to find him sitting up in bed, reading. "Oh No!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose EVERYTHING?!?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 12, 2017 Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 Joke: Photo Trap A motorist gets caught in an automated speed trap that photographs his car. He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40. A few days later, he gets a letter from the police department with a picture of handcuffs. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 12, 2017 Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 Joke: One day a little girl came home... One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do." The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 12, 2017 Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 Joke: A lady is walking down the street... A lady is walking down the street to work and see's a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, "hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, "hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, "hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "hey lady." She paused and said," yes?" The bird said, "you know." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 12, 2017 Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 Joke: The top toothbrush salesman at... The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He replied "It's easy" and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the customers. He laid out his chips and dip. His boss said, "That's a very innovative approach" and took one of the chips, dipped it, and stuck it in his mouth. "Yuck, this tastes terrible!" his boss yelled. The salesman replied "IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: Hearing Aid An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect... Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: Like father like son.... Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: The local bar was so sure that... The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight lifters,longshoremen, etc..) but nobody could do it. One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said "okay," grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: A little girl is sitting on her... A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did Heaven make you?" "He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa. "Well, did Heaven make me?" asks the little girl. "Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa. "Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: A dentist was getting ready to... A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves... "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?" "Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again." And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing. The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: This farmer had a wife who nagged ... This farmer had a wife who nagged him all the time. One day while he was outside plowing the field, she came out and started nagging him. While she was doing this, the mule kicked her and she died. At the funeral, the ladies came up and talked to the farmer. The farmer nodded his head "yes". The men came up and talked to him and the farmer nodded his head "no. Well this other man wondered why he nodded his head "yes" to the ladies and "no" to the men. Then, he went up to the farmer and asked him why. The farmer replied,’Well, when the ladies came up, they told me how pretty my wife's dress was and how pretty she looked. When the men came up, they asked, “That mule for sale?' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: Man in the Picture After a long night of making love this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the nightstand by the bed. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly", she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all." she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the surgery." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: Hair pulling.... A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair. "Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts." A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says... "Now she knows." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: Looks good... There is this guy named Leon. One day Leon decided to go for walk. He runs into his old neighbor Joe. "Hey Leon your looking good" Joe says. "I feels good" said Leon "But Leon you smells bad" said Joe Well Leon kept on going, he then ran into his preacher. "Hey Leon your looking good" said The preacher. "I feels good" said Leon. "But Leon you smells bad" said the preacher. "That is what Joe said earlier, I think I will go to the doctors". Well Leon goes to the doctors. "You looks good Leon" said the doc. "I feels good" said Leon. "But you smells bad Leon" said the doc. "That's why I am here" said Leon. Ok the doc got his book, "Looks good, feels good, smells good, nope that’s not it" "Looks good, feels bad, smells good, nope that’s not it either" "Here it is looks good, feels good, smells bad" "Well Leon, I hate to break it to you, but you are a pussy" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: Training The Blonde An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: These two guys meet after not ... These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years. First guy asks the second guy, "How have things been going?" The second guy speaking very s..l..o..w..l..y.. tells the first guy, "I w..a..s.. a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r.. i..e..d." The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more." The answer comes, " Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a d..o..c..t..o..r.. a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k.. s..l..o..w..l..y I w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r." The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was almost married. "W..e..l..l m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I w..e..r..e s..i...t..t..i..n..g.. o..n h..e..r p..o...r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d s..h..e c..a..n d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y f..a..c..e.." "Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first friend. "W..e..l..l I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y, t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e l..o..o..k..e..d.. a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: A sweet little boy surprised his ... A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. Anxiously, he waited to hear the verdict. The grandmother in all her life had never had such a bad cup of coffee. As she forced down the last sip, his grandmother noticed three of those little green army guys were in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three of your little army men be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: Budget Cuts Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: Sausage Factory There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory. Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, "This should impress him!" He showed his son a machine and said "Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages. The prudish son, unimpressed, said "Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?" The father, furious, thought and said, "Yes son, we call it your mother." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: As a trucker stops for a red light... As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: Jobs at the food company... One day, three unemployed factory workers heard that a large food company was enlarging and needed more staff. So they went downtown to see if they could get themselves a job. After filing out their applications, each one was interviewed and each one managed to get hired. As they were waiting to be assigned their new duties, a foreman came by and spoke to the hiring boss. The foreman told the boss that he didn't think it was such a good idea as one of the workers had snapped for no apparent reason at his last job. Also a second was said to have had cracked up after severe mental stress. The third, he believed was their father who he felt was a bit odd but he couldn't put his finger on it. The hiring boss reassured the foreman and said that they would start on something easy and after a week, the company would re-assess them to see if they would be kept on. The foreman reluctantly agreed and asked the boss where he thought they should start. The boss replied, "Why not take them and put them in our Cereal Division...Snap, Crackle and Pop should work out fine down there." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: Training The Blonde An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: A ninety-year-old couple decide A ninety-year-old couple decide to get a divorce. They go to the judge and say, "Judge, we want a divorce." The judge says, "You've been married 70 years and now you want to get a divorce? Why did you wait so long?" The couple say in unison, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: Once upon a time there was a non-conforming ... Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings! Warm and happy, able to breath, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping he investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.The Moral of the Story: Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend. And if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you might just want to keep your mouth shut. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2017 Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Joke: Two Women at the Pearly Gates Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on how they died. Woman #1: I froze to death. Woman #2: How horrible! Woman #1: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? Woman #2: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. Woman #1: So what happened? Woman #2: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died! Woman #1: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both still be alive. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Phone Line A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: A man in a bar sees a friend a... A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Expensive Barbie! A man was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't yet bought her a gift. So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" The sales clerk replied in a condescending tone, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorce Barbie for $265.00." The overwhelmed man asked, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 and all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious!" said the sales clerk. "Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Mrs. Smith’s elderly husband doesn’t ... Mrs. Smith’s elderly husband doesn't feel well so she takes him to the dr. Mr. Smith leaves her in the waiting room for a while. Finally the Dr. comes and says, "Mrs. Smith I’m sorry to tell you that your husband is going to die." Mrs. Smith says, "Dr. is there anything I can do?" the Dr. told her "well there is a couple of things you could do: First you could cook him a wonderful dinner every night. Second you could give him a nice back rub every night. Third you could make love to him like you never have before every night." Mrs. Smith says ok. A little while later Mr. Smith comes out and asks Mrs. Smith "what did the Dr. say?" Mrs. Smith says, "I’m sorry honey but you are going to die." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Medical Problem A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering." "Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras." "My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!" "Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: A fellow bought a new Mercedes... A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the Yellowhead for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. "What in heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The Mountie came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give mean excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go." "Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!" "Have a nice night", said the officer. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Doing 3 knots! An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks for old time’s sake. He hires a prostitute, takes her up to a room and goes at it as best as he can for a guy his age. After a couple of minutes he asks, "How am I doing?" The prostitute replies, "Well sailor, you're doing about three knots." "Three knots?" He asks. "What's that supposed to mean?" She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in and you're knot getting your money back." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: A little boy asked his dad for... A little boy asked his dad for a dollar to give to a little old lady in the park. His father impress by his son’s kindness, gave him the dollar. “There you are my son,” said the father. “But, tell me, isn’t the little lady able to work any more? “ She sells candy” was the boy’s reply. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: I can not tell a lie... A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock that night. They got dressed quickly. Then the man asked his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked, thinking him pretty weird. The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door. Upset, she asked where he'd been. The man replied, "I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late." The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes, and yelled, "I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU LIAR! You've been playing golf again, haven't you?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Two Men Camping Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super. At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience. Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!". The other replied, "No, it's not!". The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side. To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by it's clover." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: One wish... A guy walking along the beach finds a bottle and picks it up. A genie pops out and says, "Thanks for letting me out. For your kindness I will grant you one wish." The guys says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick. My wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii." The genie says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up that highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that's just too much to ask. Impossible." The guy says, "Well, there is one thing I've always wanted to know. I'd like to be able to understand women...what makes them laugh and cry...you know, what makes them tick." The genie thinks a second, then asks, "You want two lanes or four?' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Little Johnny comes home from ... Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?" Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: There was this guy at a bar, just ... There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Snow Days A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively. "I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Guys and Dolls Two drunk guys try to pick up some girls. The girls take the drunk guys home, slip blowup dolls into their beds and leave. The next morning, the one guy tells the other guy, I think my girl was a witch! When I bit her on the tit, she hissed and flew away. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Bad temper problem Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Three old ladies sit in a... Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!" The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: The Smuggler Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. He releases Juan and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Two men were hunting deer when... Two men were hunting deer when a large bear rears up and begins to charge them. The one man puts his running shoes on and begins to run with the other man. The second man asks why he put them on because it wont help him out run the bear. He said "I don't need to out run the bear I need to out run you." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Cats on a fence. A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night. The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you" The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Artist gets noticed... An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor...." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Once upon a time there was a female ... Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which by mistake happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but heard no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO!!! IS THERE ANYONE HERE?" Then she heard a very faint voice from far, far away: "We're down here..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Panda In A Bar A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey, Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a Panda! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2017 Report Share Posted December 14, 2017 Joke: Cajun Confession Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. "Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site." Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?" Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm 'fraid someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole." Priest: "Well, that's not so bad." Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left." Priest: "What did you do with it?" Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse." Priest: "OK, anything else?" Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two car garage." Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand." Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left." Priest: "Yes?" Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom." Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?" Boudreaux: "No, Father... But, if you got the plans, I got the lumber." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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