Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: Princess & a frog

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch cast a spell upon me."

"One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am, and then my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, on a meal of lightly sauteed frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, "I don't fu#ken think so!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Deserted Island

A man and his wife had been stranded on a deserted island for many years. The morning following a bad storm, a new guy washes up on the shore.

The new guy and the wife are VERY attracted to each other right away, but they realize that certain protocols will have to be observed. The husband, oblivious to the new chemistry floating around, is very glad to see the second man there.

“This is wonderful! Now we'll be able to have three people doing 8-hour shifts in the watchtower instead of two people doing 12-hour shifts.”

The new man is only too happy to help, and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tall tower and stands watch, scanning the ocean horizon for any ships. Soon the husband and wife start placing stones in a circle in order to make a fire to cook supper. The new man yells down: “Hey, no screwing!”

They look at each other and yell back: “We're not screwing!”

A few minutes later, they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the new man yells down: “Heeey, no screwing!”

Again they yell back, “We're not screwing!”

Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of the shack to patch leaks. Once again the new man yells down from high above:
“Hey, I said no screwing!!”

They yell back, “And we said we're not screwing!!”

Finally the shift is over and the new man climbs down from the tower and the husband starts to climb up. By the time he gets half-way up, his wife and the new man are already screwing their brains out. Once at the top, the husband turns around and looks down and says to himself:  “Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing"

[worldangel]

Joke: A couple of blonde men in a pick-up...

A couple of blonde men in a pick-up truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

[worldangel]

 Joke: A man gets pulled over by the ...

A man gets pulled over by the police for speeding.

 

The cop walks up to the car and says to the driver, “Sir, did you know that you were going 60 miles an hour?"

 

The driver says, "Officer, there is no way I could have been going 60 miles an hour!"

 

The cop says, “Really! Why is that? The driver replies," I could not have been going 60 miles an hour because I've only been out driving for 25 minutes."

[worldangel]

Joke: Whiskey no worms

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed.

 

After years of this the wife wants him to quit, so she gets 2 shot glasses, filling 1 with water the other with whiskey.

She gets him to the table with the glasses and has his bait box there too.

She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey and the worm dies.

She says "so what do you have to say about this experiment?"

He says "IF I DRINK WHISKEY I WON'T GET WORMS!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Two kids were deciding what game ...

Two kids were deciding what game to play. One said, “Let’s play doctor.” 

“Good idea,” said the other. “You operate, and I’ll sue.”

[worldangel]

Joke: Two elderly ladies are sitting...

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the porch in their rockers just talking girl-talk.

Emma: My word Matilda! You and Johnny were married for quite some time. How many years was that anyway?

Matilda: Oh, we were married for 65 wondrous years.

Emma: My-oh-my-oh-my! But can you tell me in all that time, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?

Matilda: I don't think so. I believe we had State Farm.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Money saved by not smoking

Juan sees a man leaning against the wall of a large building. The man is puffing away, one cigarette after another.

Juan says, “Sir, I couldn't help noticing how you chain-smoke. How many packs do you smoke a day?” “Four.”

“How long have you been smoking?” “Thirty years.”

“That's over six thousand packs. If you didn't smoke, you could have saved enough money to buy this building.”

The smoker takes a deep puff and says, “Do you smoke?” “Never.”

“Do you own this building?” “No.” “Well, I do.”

[worldangel]

Joke: I feel like my body has gotten...

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape. So, I got my doctor's permission to Join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. 

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, By the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Hillbilly at the hospital...

A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation.

Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?"

The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing."

"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: An elderly couple was sitting ...

An elderly couple was sitting together, watching their favorite Saturday night TV program.

During one of those commercial breaks, the husband asked his wife:

"Whatever happened to our sexual relations?"

After a long thoughtful silence, the wife, during the next commercial break, replied:

"You know, I don't really know... I don't even think we got a Christmas card from them this year."

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Two elderly couples were enjoy...

Two elderly couples were enjoying a friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" 

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great." 

"That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?" 

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.

 

Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?" 

"You mean a rose?" 

"Yes, that's it!" 

He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?" 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Struggling actor

After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was he asks “What happened?”

“Well,” one of the officer's says, “It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground.”

The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief, “My agent came to my house?”

[worldangel]

Joke: While the bar patron savored a double ...

While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."

"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.

"What are you celebrating?" he asked.

"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass. "As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."

"How did it happen?"

"I switched cocks."

"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: After drinking, Men talk unnecessarily

After drinking, Men talk unnecessarily, Become emotional, Drive badly, Stop thinking, Fight for nothing

Women can do all these without drinking!

[worldangel]

Joke: Double room

Jim, a traveling salesman goes to a hotel late in the night and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk is completing the formalities, Jim looks around and finds a stunning blonde seated in the lobby. He tells the clerk to excuse him for a moment and heads to the lobby. He is back in a minute with the blonde on his arm.

"Fancy banging into my wife here," he tells the clerk. "Guess I'll need a double room after all."

Next morning, when Jim comes to settle his bill, he finds the amount to be $4200. "What the hell is this?" he yells at the clerk. "I have been here for just a night!"

"You are right, Sir," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here for 4 weeks."

[worldangel]

Joke: What does that one do?

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot.

 

The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."

"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.

The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."

The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.

"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system." Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.

"That one costs 2,000 dollars."

"And what does that one do?" the man asked.

The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A talk on sex...

A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members.

A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made.

She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off."

[worldangel]

Joke: Jury selection...

An important and very well publicized murder trial was soon to begin.

 

In preparation for the trial, the tiresome jury selection process took place, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors.

One prospective juror, Dan O'Keefe, was called for his question session.

He was asked, "Property holder?"

Dan replied, "Yes, I am, Your Honor."

Then he was asked, "Married or single?"

Dan responded, "Married for twenty years, Your Honor."

Then the judge asked, "Formed or expressed an opinion?"

Dan stated with certainty, "Not in twenty years, Your Honor."

[worldangel]

 Joke: Can I take his place?

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.

An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.

"Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

The governor replied: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."

[worldangel]

Joke: Blind date....

"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

"Terrible!" the room-mate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

[worldangel]

Joke: Child Custody

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...

"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Bum Deodorant

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container,
"To apply, push up bottom."

[worldangel]

 

Joke: One eyed pirate

A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?"

The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!"
His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?"

"No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys."
Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye?"
The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye."

The land-lubber asked: "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?"

The pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook."

[worldangel]

 Joke: To impress his date, a young man ...

To impress his date, a young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. 

After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. 

"We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said. 

"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That’s the owner." 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Two blondes, Carol and Patty...

Two blondes, Carol and Patty, were walking down the street.

Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." Patty said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the Compact.

Patty looked in the mirror and said, "You dummy, it's me!
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Police Dog

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well," says the personnel director, "You'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute."

Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.

"Also," says the director, "You must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course."

This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.

"There's one last requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual."

With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Bowling teams

Two bowling teams charter a double-decker bus; they're going to Atlantic City for the weekend. One team is in the bottom of the bus, and the other team is in the top of the bus.

 

The team down below is whooping it up when one of them realizes he doesn't hear anything from the top. He walks up the stairs, and here are all the guys from the second team clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles, scared to death.

He says, "What the heck's goin' on? We're down here havin' a grand old time."
One of the guys from the second team says, "Yeah, but you guys've got a driver."

[worldangel]

 Joke: On their second night after the ...

On their second night after the wedding, the two blissful newlyweds shut off the lights and crawl under the sheets. Turning anxiously towards his bride, he tenderly informs his wife that tonight he wants a hand job instead of the usual stuff. She, being the proper girl that she is, had absolutely no idea what a "hand job" was. So, she gets out of bed, puts on her robe and heads for the phone to call her mom.

"Mom," she says, "My new hubby wants a hand job and I don't know what he means."

"Oh, Honey," says her mother, "that's real simple. Just grab his thing and shake it like you were trying to get ketchup out of a bottle."

"Gee, Mom, that's easy enough," she replies. So she hangs up the phone, removes her robe and crawls back into the sack. She snuggles up to her lover, grabs his thing firmly with one hand and starts beating the end with the other.

[worldangel]

Joke: Grounds for Divorce

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked,
"What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please. . ." he tried again," is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He says he can't communicate with me !!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The drunken defendant appears ...

The drunken defendant appears yet again before the tired judge, who says, "You have been constantly appearing before me for the past twenty years." 

Replied the drunk: "Can I help it if you can't get promoted?" 

[worldangel]

Joke: Sexual sofa

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman.

"Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked.

"Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."

"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.

"Sectional, schmectional." she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!"

[worldangel]

 Joke: A man runs to the doctor and says ...

A man runs to the doctor and says: "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!" 

The doctor asks: How long was she had this condition?" 

"Two years." replies the man. 

"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the doctor.

 

The man shrugs his shoulders and replies: "We needed the eggs"
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Passing A School Bus

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

"Unlawful to Pass School Bus from Either Direction"

I guess that some people misunderstood that, because now it reads: "Unlawful to Pass Stopped School Bus from Either Direction".
 

[worldangel]

Joke: I was packing for my business ...

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them. Went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Coffee Maker

The newlywed Blonde went to the store to ask how to operate the new coffeemaker received as a wedding gift.

 

The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.

A few weeks later the goober was back in the store and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee maker.

"Wonderful!" she replied, "But... it's just awfully inconvenient to have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee."

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Squeeze a lemon

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.

Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I'd like to try the bet"

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass!! As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The scrawny little man replied "I work for the IRS."

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: The Gift

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

 

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. 
"Is it wine?" she guessed. 

"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne? 
"No," said the little boy... "It's a puppy!" 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A stage....

During a performance for the high school talent show at the local theater, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee.

He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in the back of the theater shouted:

"Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!"

[worldangel]

 Joke: A man goes into his local building ...

A man goes into his local building supply store and orders 10,000 bricks.
"May I ask what you're building?" asks the man behind the counter.

"It's going to be a barbecue."
"Wow, that's a lot of bricks for one barbecue."

"Not really. You see, I live on the 12th floor."

[worldangel]

 Joke: Man and wife in heaven....

A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said, "These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter."

The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.

"Spell a word," St. Peter replied.

"What word?" she asked.

"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice."

The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E."

St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break. So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair when a man approaches the gates, and she realizes it is her husband.

"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?"

"Not yet," she replied, "You must spell a word first."

"What word?" he asked.

The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia."

[worldangel]

 

Joke: A man walks in a bank, pulls out ...

A man walks in a bank, pulls out a gun, and robs the bank...

Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The customer replies, "YES!"

The robber raises his gun, points to his head and BANG!!!!!... shoots him in the head and kills him!

He then moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID ... YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB THIS BANK????"

The man calmly responds, "No ... But My Wife Did!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Blanket

 A guy's going on a business trip and he has to take his secretary with him, and she's really crazy about him. The first night on the Amtrak, she's in the top bunk and he's in the bottom bunk.

 

She says, "Mr. Forsythe! Mr. Forsythe! I'm chilly! I think I need a blanket!"

He says, "Miss Schmitt, how'd you like to pretend you're Mrs. Forsythe for a little while?

She says, "Oh, I'd like that."

He says, "Then get you own damn blanket."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A beautiful, sexy, good looking...

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy on a plane...... 

The lady said to him, "Can you help me remove something from my breast please?" 

The excited young man replied, "Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?" 

"Your eyes, idiot!

[worldangel]

Joke: A beautiful, sexy, good looking...

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane...... The lady said to him '

 

Can you help me remove something from my breast please?

 

‘The exciting young man replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?'

 

"Your Eyes, idiot!"

[worldangel]

 Joke: An attorney telephoned the gov...

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.

An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

'So, what is it?' grumbled the governor.

'Judge Garber has just died' said the attorney, 'and I want to take his place.'

The governor replied: 'Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker.'

[worldangel]

 Joke: After the Office Party

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday.

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: This Wife Is Too Jealous

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"

The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

[worldangel]

 Joke: A woman is walking on the road...

A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, "Don't take a step further." She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been. She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again.

 

"Don't take a step further."

 

She stops and a car skids past. Then suddenly she hears the voice saying "I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?"

 

Yes! Shouts the woman, "Just where were you on my wedding day!"

[worldangel]

 Joke: Blonde guy

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.

One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth.

In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father?"