I Think I Am In Love / Lust With My Best Friend (Compiled)

[orca888]

I totally understand that TS is going through because I am also going through a similar situation...sigh

But at least I am going to take things a day at a time - enjoy our time together

I rather keep him as a good friend than to lose him forever...

[Guest theOthertruth]

I really feel for you people who got rejected by close friends after coming out, and forming unrequited crushes on guys that you know can never be. I really do. When I read all of this I nearly teared up. I could understand the heartache and pain you all went through. Whatever it is, coming out to someone is brave and if they treat you with such unfeeling acts...then...you have to swallow the anguish and move on slowly. Someday, I really hope you all will find someone who will truly appreciate you for who you are, and might even come to love you.

Edited February 2, 2012 by theOthertruth

[TheAntisen]

Like many have said before, it can either turn out to be good or bad, with a very strong chance of the situation turning out to be bad. I've seen a lot of friendships turning sour whenever someone crosses the line of friendship. Be it straight, gay, lesbian.

A couple years back, my best friend came on to me like crazy. Flirting with me, touching me and all that stuff. I always just brushed it off and acted straight. So when he accepted me as bisexual, things were still fine. But I couldn't get the thoughts of the past out of my head, and the desire to pursue a relationship was so strong that I just decided to tell him that I was interested in him. He rejected me and things have been weird since then. We still talk and meet each other every now and then, but we aren't the friends that we used to be. It is a complex situation though. Like somehow, his other gay friend got involved and started talking crap about me, and then when I became interested in someone else, he got really pissed off with me and pushed me away. Bottom line is that it has become an awkward friendship and we just keep our distance. I'm sure we still love each other deeply as friends, but that's just the way things works sometimes.

Anyway, you need to weigh your priorities.

Do you want a boyfriend THAT badly, that the you want to just try your luck with your best friend? If so, are you ready for a relationship? Are you ready to deal with any sort of difficulties that he or you may have regarding homosexuality, being seen in public, etc...

Do you want to go explore other options first, just to see whether you REALLY love him?

The thing about many of us gay people is that a lot of us end up being closeted and acting straight. And obviously, not many of us end up getting girlfriends. Which basically translates to no experience with relationships during our teenage years. So what is the next best thing? Your close relationship with your best friend. So you need to think about that and perhaps consider meeting other people first. Broaden your horizons etc..

So yeah... I hope you think things through. Just know that this will drastically change your relationship with your friend. Also, your friend might be going through a tough time with NS and having just broken up with his GF, so he might not really be ready to learn about your feelings and sexuality. Perhaps atm, all he wants is just a shoulder to lean on? So it might be best to just endure a little longer.

Either or, you will learn and mature from this experience. So all the best to you

Edited February 2, 2012 by TheAntisen

[Guest Guest]

live smart, don't be a moron. simple.

friend it is easy for u to say that if u have not experienced it before. sometimes shit just comes to u even though u think that you are guarded. for example, u have a new colleague at work tmr. he is straight and cute. suddenly ur boss asks u to be his buddy and u are "forced" to spend alot of time with him.

my advice to TS is to let him know that u are gay. u shld just tell him since he is ur friend. why wait? it is sooner or later. if u wait and wait, this thing is going to drag on forever and u are going to be more miserable. dun live in the unknown. tell him u are gay. if he react well to it, it is up to u whether u wanna let him know of ur inclination towards him. if its positive, then gd for u. if negative then too bad, at least now u know. the second scenario is that if he doesnt react well to u being gay, then that's it. u dun even have to let him know that u are interested in him and save ur face.

my guess is that u are still young and does not have much gay friends. there are all kinds of gay people out there. go for ur own kind and treat the str8s as friends or brothers. another thing is to 'out' yourself to others as you know them (easier said than done i know) but just show ur true self to others and dun put up a mask. it is interesting to see how str8 people treat/react to us when they know that we are gays. chances are, most str8 guys will not want to be too close to u if they know that u are gay. of course we dun blame them. also, once u have more gay friends, u will have so many to choose rather than bother about the str8s.

for me, it is leave the str8s alone, only play with bisexuals and go for the gays.

gd luck bro.

[sam357]

I used to crush with one of my best friend before ..

like how u feel, he's the most attractive guy i ever seen..beautiful hunky structure , clear skin and handsome face.. but too bad he's straight .

When i told him that i'm in love with him , he start treating me like his little sister, he promised to be my elder brother and will take care of me as his little sister forever. !!

I don't know how he can managed to change my mind set but since that day i don't crush on him anymore and i really fell like he become my brother. He studied psychology before by the way .

I don't know exactly where on earth he is right now.. his brother said he's working with some societies in Myanmar ..

But i receive his post cards and emails quite often.

Really miss his hugs and his cares ...

Edited February 3, 2012 by sam357

[Exynos]

friend it is easy for u to say that if u have not experienced it before. sometimes shit just comes to u even though u think that you are guarded. for example, u have a new colleague at work tmr. he is straight and cute. suddenly ur boss asks u to be his buddy and u are "forced" to spend alot of time with him.

it's as easy as turning off that part in ur mind; that part that feels. how do u survive? u don't let love get in the way.

this is coming from someone who had crushes on 7 straight boys in a period of 4 years in an all boys' catholic school. trust me, i've experienced this way harsher than the TS & so my advice is: don't bother with the straight guys, they're a waste of time.

[Allegro]

I totally understand that TS is going through because I am also going through a similar situation...sigh

But at least I am going to take things a day at a time - enjoy our time together

I rather keep him as a good friend than to lose him forever...

I have went through such similar situation too.

It was hard because he was not only physically attractive but has the best character, mature, caring, responsible, rich...

I'm positive he is straight but he would often teased me, hands touching, getting really close and cozy with me, we nearly kissed once.

But I know that one day he will eventually find the girl of his dreams, and I don't want our friendship to be hurt or awkward, so I backed down.

It's the only way.

Edited February 3, 2012 by Allegro

[Guest amidst_the_stars]

friend it is easy for u to say that if u have not experienced it before. sometimes shit just comes to u even though u think that you are guarded. for example, u have a new colleague at work tmr. he is straight and cute. suddenly ur boss asks u to be his buddy and u are "forced" to spend alot of time with him. my advice to TS is to let him know that u are gay. u shld just tell him since he is ur friend. why wait? it is sooner or later. if u wait and wait, this thing is going to drag on forever and u are going to be more miserable. dun live in the unknown. tell him u are gay. if he react well to it, it is up to u whether u wanna let him know of ur inclination towards him. if its positive, then gd for u. if negative then too bad, at least now u know. the second scenario is that if he doesnt react well to u being gay, then that's it. u dun even have to let him know that u are interested in him and save ur face. my guess is that u are still young and does not have much gay friends. there are all kinds of gay people out there. go for ur own kind and treat the str8s as friends or brothers. another thing is to 'out' yourself to others as you know them (easier said than done i know) but just show ur true self to others and dun put up a mask. it is interesting to see how str8 people treat/react to us when they know that we are gays. chances are, most str8 guys will not want to be too close to u if they know that u are gay. of course we dun blame them. also, once u have more gay friends, u will have so many to choose rather than bother about the str8s. for me, it is leave the str8s alone, only play with bisexuals and go for the gays. gd luck bro.

*snorts*

giving relationship advice when you've never been in a relationship?

[KayJae]

hmm its weird how the str guy u like would be the one who would reject ur sexuality while the other frens seem more ok with it =/

[orca888]

I have went through such similar situation too. It was hard because he was not only physically attractive but has the best character, mature, caring, responsible, rich... I'm positive he is straight but he would often teased me, hands touching, getting really close and cozy with me, we nearly kissed once. But I know that one day he will eventually find the girl of his dreams, and I don't want our friendship to be hurt or awkward, so I backed down. It's the only way.

That's so sweet...hahah

My "guy" is the lean fit sort while I am on the muscular side although mutual friends have commented that we are attractive in our own way...hahah

But what attracted me most to him is his character and sense of humour

I am also quite convinced that he's straight (chick magnet for sure), however he's always giving me mixed signals...perhaps it's bromance? hahah

Like you, I don't think I want to push it too far and risk losing him...

[qedcwc]

I have a crush on at least four best friends, notably because of their character and personality, plus their looks.

I never told them about me being gay, much less about my crush on them, cos I'd rather not damage the friendship built over the years, especially the longest was since 1998.

When the talk about getting a girlfriend came, i usually will reply no luck and throughout the conversation, might drop a few hints here and there about my orientation.

Eventually the one with the longest friendship suspected i might be gay and asked me directly the question, via MSN.

I was actually gambling on whether he might freak out and gave the confirmation.

His reply was like "Cool".... I was like

At the very least, he doesnt keep his distance and he's gotten married recently and still keeps in contact with me thru Whatsapp.

I think i was the first one among our classmates to be informed about his marriage and plans to host a luncheon for us when he returns from his Masters overseas.

[darkflame]

I never had an infatuation for my close friend although my mother used to say we talked like a couple.

We never ran out of topics to talk about.

When I first joined the circle, some people thought he was my boyfriend. Hell no! 

 

We don't meet often now, but somehow I was beginning to wonder if he had actually held feelings for me which explains why we stuck together for 15 years.

He gave me quite more things than I gave him.

Even so, it's still essentially platonic for me.

[juson]

I also like my best friend in my poly years. We have been very close together for about 2-3 years in poly and even after poly we still meet up often to chill up. It seems like we have unlimited topics to talk about. I always wanted to tell him my feelings.

Something happened and we just stop contacting each other. I doesn't even know about his wedding until someone told me.

Over many years some how we got connected through facebook and back as friends now. Though he look more like an Uncle now, but his character still attracts me, even though he is a father of 2 now. He is still the ideal BF I wish for. A responsible husband/dad that will take care of family, A caring husband/dad that will surprise his wife with branded bags at times, plan for surprise holidays or staycasion. Don't need to be rich to be caring.

 

That's my story. 

 

What you need to know on how to forget a person:
1. Go out and meet more friends, staying out with people will give you less time to think about him. Be it str or aj friends, just go out and try to enjoy.

2. Talk these about your feelings with people (different people) if you keep telling all these to the same person over and over again every day and night, that person will be sick of you.

3. Get a hobby, be it photography, golf, etc. Something that you can do alone or in group. So you can join a hobby club.

4. Upgrade yourself, if you think that you have a chance of being with him or even if you want to forget about him. No one wants to go with a wimpy person. Upgrading yourself physically or mentally boost your morale as well as making you more attractive. If he ask you out, and you looks more impressive in bods or hold your conversation well, it will impress him. If not, you will impress other guys.

5. Start buying books and read. Go to a cafe and do some reading. 

 

That is what I have been trying to do. But still can't find enough time to read.