I Feel so Lonely; am I the only gay person who feels Lonely / Sad / Miserable / Less Attractive? (Compiled)

[Guest Ironrod]

I envy you loads.

I had several korkors last time, but cos Im quite shy in nature, I rejected everytime they asked me out.

Is it true that its hard to maintain a relationship, regardless of friendship, love relationships etc, if one party refuses to step away from the computer and meet the other party?

I had a terrible experience the first time I met someone I knew online. Thus I had always been very careful when people want to ask me out.

And thus, many korkors of mine left me, knowing that I will continue to hide behind the computer screen and only come out when I feel safe. They left me cos they somehow think that my relationship with them will not be able to progress since I always reject them.

How could I overcome this fear?

If your korkor left u becos you refuse to meet up then their intentions may not be that pure after all.

I use to have a didi whom we spoke becos he told I put "I love watersports" means I really like "watersports", lol

We started to talk and he was in JC then, he later went to Army then NUS and we only meet up after he almost completed his NUS.

Too bad he felt in love with me [and I was attached then] so we drifted becos of that.

Anyways, just to share with u.

Real friends will never force you to do anything you don't wish too.

[jonaschoa]

If your korkor left u becos you refuse to meet up then their intentions may not be that pure after all.

I use to have a didi whom we spoke becos he told I put "I love watersports" means I really like "watersports", lol

We started to talk and he was in JC then, he later went to Army then NUS and we only meet up after he almost completed his NUS.

Too bad he felt in love with me [and I was attached then] so we drifted becos of that.

Anyways, just to share with u.

Real friends will never force you to do anything you don't wish too.

But somehow many people believe that two parties should meet up so their relationship can progress.

An online relationship will not last long.

Is it true? o.o

[4Kix]

Most of my friends eventually moved on with families - some are very kind, they include me in their happenings. But strangely - I'm now set thinking by this thread - I am a loner and I generally like being alone. Considering if it's the cause or the effect for being alone! Guess that might be cos most of my friends are straight and we have little in common interest wise. Gay 'friends' (who come, say the like/love you and suddenly disappear - cannot fathom!) have little interests other than sex.

When I go shopping, I'm looking at house accessories and (previously) jewellery; never clothes/fashion. When I travel, I'm more interested in hitting the shops than go sightseeing or checking out the various eateries. When travelling with gay partners, I'll get the shopping down pat - planned and ready to roll, but with all their professed love for sight-seeing or food, they want me to plan those as well (??!)- tiring.

I prefer chilling out at quiet night spots for non-alcholic drinks and good in-depth chats. My conversations range from latest technology, politix, finance, decorations, family, and, of course, gay sex. But most gay people that I've met don't seem interested in any sort of discourse other than intercourse. Need to go out more! Straight folks won't have sex wif me though... :-P

So, perhaps, it's me that has put me into this situation of being a loner - but I have never felt lonely ... EVER. Wondering if I've driven myself to this state (shudder!). I love hanging out alone at home (I live alone) - naked(!), going places I want to go without someone rushing me, no one to bug me into doing things I'm not interested in ... HEY, it's s selfish existence! Haha..

Okay, I'm rambling already - it's about being comfortable in your own skin, I guess. I'm concluding it's about finding mr perfect - it can come at some cost and compromise. You either take that step or not, depending how lonely you get.

[jonaschoa]

In a bgr, they believe that true love exists.

How about between gay relationship? Does my true love exist?

[4Kix]

In a bgr, they believe that true love exists.

How about between gay relationship? Does my true love exist?

There are many here who have very long term commitments.

Boy-girl, boy-boy, girl-girl - love is no different. It's a soulmate you're looking at.

But in bbr relationships, we are more physical/visual to a larger extent - these fade over time. Also, society hasn't accepted it as yet, thus, there is little in our psychological make-up in our formative years to make it work. There are also fewer opportunities to meet like-minded people.

But it's there. Keep looking, meet more people and I hope it happens for you... be patient. :thumb:

[Guest Guest]

I am lonely too...

Alone is fine, but lonely makes me feel sad

[waterballoon]

lol I've been feeling like this all these while, until about 2 weeks ago when ayumi hamasaki's new album leaked & I downloaded it &... ya

u know, everyone feels lonely at some point in life; some feel it more often, some feel it less often. But the thing is, loneliness is.. part & parcel of life. It's best to think on what you can do when you feel lonely, rather than to keep telling yourself, "omg I feel lonely."

The thing is, I feel lonely too, even now, bahaha. But I find things to do so I wouldn't have time to dwell on it, and I don't dwell on it. Just... remember that we are in love every day with the things we should love.

[vincent_ng]

Today weather is very cooling. Laying on the sofa, reading a great novel, listening to some favourite songs and drinking cold drink...this is what life should be! Where got lonely? :smokin:

[jonaschoa]

Hahaha naise.

Perhaps to you, happiness could be as easy as getting yourself satisfied and contented with life.

But what an expert wrote in an article,

one may not feel happy/contented enough cos the expansion of one's cravings can never be always fulfilled.

And perhaps my first bf was a really nice boyfriend,

I expect my next bf to be better than him.

And perhaps my first bf was evil and cruel too,

I expect myself to be more careful with guys.

Haiz, sad life.

[Guest guest]

Why not everyone meet up, make friends and then no more lonely people,

After all by the sounds of things everyone has something to talk about so why not confirm a place and a date,

Everyone bring something and have a picnic get to know each other face to face instead of just being a faceless email address on the internet

[Guest Ironrod]

But somehow many people believe that two parties should meet up so their relationship can progress.

An online relationship will not last long.

Is it true? o.o

It really depends what r/s you are talking abt.

For friendship to progress, I believe you need to be sincere abt it ~ meeting up or not is really secondary.

Plus I won't wanna meet up some JC boys to give myself problems lol

[darkflame]

Why not everyone meet up, make friends and then no more lonely people,

After all by the sounds of things everyone has something to talk about so why not confirm a place and a date,

Everyone bring something and have a picnic get to know each other face to face instead of just being a faceless email address on the internet

I think there were numerous attempts at this.

The thing is...a lot of people like to choose their friends, and not appreciate who comes naturally.

Edited December 29, 2010 by darkflame

[jonaschoa]

It really depends what r/s you are talking abt.

For friendship to progress, I believe you need to be sincere abt it ~ meeting up or not is really secondary.

Plus I won't wanna meet up some JC boys to give myself problems lol

What do you mean by this O.O

Are young guys troublesome/irritating/full of problems?

What do you guys think?

Is dating a young guy something you will never do?

Pros and cons, let's talk it out!

[Guest Ironrod]

What do you mean by this O.O

Are young guys troublesome/irritating/full of problems?

What do you guys think?

Is dating a young guy something you will never do?

Pros and cons, let's talk it out!

;; PM me and we can msn to talk abt it

[drifter]

I haven't been happy since I was a kid. My family quarrels every single day. My eldest bro always find fault with me. My younger brothers don't respect me.

I been staying out for the past 4 years since I had my first job. I was forced to stay out; I used to share the room with my younger brother till his gf stays over every night and I got to sleep in the living room. Used to have a loving bf and stayed with him till he thought I'm not the one for him.

Tried to date but ended up the guys went missing. I have many frens, but mostly str frens. They are getting married and I know I cannot have the usual company. Wanted to make more aj frens but till today haven't seen any sincere ones; mostly wanted me for sex. Staying alone now. Feel lonely...

[kiki4473]

I also stay alone, I feel better . try to take up mote hobby.. Can find more firend . I feel we are big enough . That is gay ... As long u make yrself happy and if u want to feel happy no one can stop u...

[fab]

I haven't been happy since I was a kid. My family quarrels every single day. My eldest bro always find fault with me. My younger brothers don't respect me.

I been staying out for the past 4 years since I had my first job. I was forced to stay out; I used to share the room with my younger brother till his gf stays over every night and I got to sleep in the living room. Used to have a loving bf and stayed with him till he thought I'm not the one for him.

Tried to date but ended up the guys went missing. I have many frens, but mostly str frens. They are getting married and I know I cannot have the usual company. Wanted to make more aj frens but till today haven't seen any sincere ones; mostly wanted me for sex. Staying alone now. Feel lonely...

U r such a doting elder bro. U will be blessed for your good heart.

Be patient.Your happiness will come soon.

[Nomadj]

Don't be sad. Take note of all the good things that you have. Be open to try new hobbies/interest. Sometimes in life, the doors that are closed are the reason that it leads you the right entrance. Hope I am not confusing you.

Anyway, life is a journey. Make an adventure out of it!

[wolaiye]

Please be happy always. Have faith that anything happened to you always good for you. How will you know 'B' is good if you don't know "A" is bad.

Cheers

[luke84]

Do cheer up,

at least you are away from some of the unhappiness.

I too understand that my str8 friends have GF and wife, so I will make sure I do not take up much of their time.

Been trying to make friends in this circle, but most pple i met just needed a hole.

If i needed sex, I know how to find one.

I'm staying with my parents and 95% of the time, I locked myself in my room. not wanting to see my jobless dad asking for money, or gambling the whole day in the living room.

So at least you got your own house. Yes it is lonely at night. But.. you are not the only one.

I force myself to do lotsa things every night, so that I don't feel lonely..

in the end, I'm so tired that I have no energy to do anything, and the loneliness came in..

we all have to endure with it i guess. So be strong, one day you will find that someone that will fill your nights with some joy and warmth.

please, be happy:)

[Manbane]

You need a plan. Put it into action and get out of the bad cycle.

For many, happiness is not given, got to work for it.

I tend to procrastinate a lot and come to regret years later. Life is too short

really to be unhappy. Make the best out of it and think positively.

[abang]

The Greatest Love of All ...

Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all

George Benson/Whitney Houston

No one can promise you that he will love you forever, except yourself.

So stop feeling the life is unfair, just enjoy life as it is.

Find something to do .... go for a swim, window shopping (enjoy the FREE air-conditoning

in the shopping centre), have a stroll in the neighbhourhood park... listen to radio

stations from another country... indulge in sinful food (char kway teow)...just keep yourself occupied and you will feel good.

No man .. no problem....

[derryfawne]

We fall into misery from time to time. And it's fair to feel like sh!t sometimes, but don't overdo it. Find something that interests you, indulge in things that you like to do; you'll eventually feel better.

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive. (Elbert Hubbard)

[Guest Euouae90]

One thinking that helps me getting out from sadness or misery:

Happiness is a choice not an automatic body response.

Hope it will struck on you and help you get out from your sadness.

[Guest deevik1990]

I am kinda feeling lonely this days... and not knowing what to do.

[GachiMuchi]

Here is an older post about "How to Overcome loneliness".

[snowball]

ever heard people said that, those who often feel loneliness / social pain, are those who are insecure deep within even they deny.

how to overcome & deal with loneliness? you have to search the solution yourself, is your life, you should the one who master the happiness key.

most important is, really know yourself & not you " thought " you know yourself, then you can be stronger

Edited May 15, 2011 by snowball

[Guest deevik1990]

thanks guys

[Guest rubberr]

oh man. I have like less than 5 gay friends. will I be in trouble in he future?

[Guest ghost]

oh man. I have like less than 5 gay friends. will I be in trouble in he future?

better than me

[mango_juice]

oh man. I have like less than 5 gay friends. will I be in trouble in he future?

i think u are better den many of us... most of us have none

[mfn.live81]

oh man. I have like less than 5 gay friends. will I be in trouble in he future?

haha i think whats important is not the quantity of friends that one possesses but the quality of said friends.

u can have many friends who are assholes but a couple of good bros.

but what i experienced is tat ... even with close trustful friends, there are times when u need to lay off them. give them space! sometimes when u call them and they give that impression tat they jus do not want to talk to you. we cannot interpret this with emotions and think tat they are not into us anymore but more of like them saying tat they need some space of their own to breathe, connect with other friends, do the stuff that they hav been wanting to do.

so yeah during this time ... tats when i do feel lonely sometimes which is y i try to expand my circle of close friends!

[Guest MrLonely]

I am a 24 year-old Chinese with average looks and built. I’d been feeling really frustrated with my life because I had never dated anyone or been in a relationship before. I may seem ok on the front but deep down; I’m actually feeling really lonely and yearning so badly for someone to love me. Why are everyone so superficial and not giving me a chance just because I’m not good looking enough? Is it wrong to long for pure love instead and look beyond mere sex? Especially during Christmas, I feel like a complete loser when all couples are busy celebrating together while I’m all alone. All I want for Christmas is someone who loves me for who I am. Is that so hard?

[Guest guest]

just go to the gay sauna ,an sure you can meet lonely man there too.

[Exynos]

i k now how u feel dude.but such negativity and "omg this is hopeless" is gonna... make it worse man. face life with a positive attitude and everything will be better, serious

[ave-joe]

But u r just 24... once your social circle broadens, u will eventually find someone.

It does take time and don't get too hung up on finding love per se.

If nothing else, Chrstmas is a good time to catch up on any of your stuff that you've been putting off.

Good luck dude.

[Guest MrLonely]

Like I said, I'm not after sex so a sauna is a no-no for me. I'm really envious of people who manages to find their soul-mates because its really not easy. Sometimes I even get jealous and irritated when my friends are out dating while I'm alone at home. I have friends but I really want someone who is more than that. Is that too much to ask for? I've been lonely for 20 years and really don't want to spend the next half of my life like this too.

[cool8]

but such negativity and "omg this is hopeless" is gonna... make it worse man.

Agree with Cap.... the negative vibe will make it difficult for people to connect with you. Learn to be happy with yourself and your life now and sooner or later that love you seek will come naturally.

[oxymorons]

I am a 24 year-old Chinese with average looks and built. I’d been feeling really frustrated with my life because I had never dated anyone or been in a relationship before. I may seem ok on the front but deep down; I’m actually feeling really lonely and yearning so badly for someone to love me. Why are everyone so superficial and not giving me a chance just because I’m not good looking enough? Is it wrong to long for pure love instead and look beyond mere sex? Especially during Christmas, I feel like a complete loser when all couples are busy celebrating together while I’m all alone. All I want for Christmas is someone who loves me for who I am. Is that so hard?

i'm really sorry MrLonely and i feel so bad for having to say this, but if you feel lonely, you shouldn't be looking for a relationship to fill up the void.

a lot of people think that being in a relationship will complete you, but in reality, you are just leeching and bringing in stress and pressure on your partner and the relationship.

you have to love yourself before you can love someone else, you have to resolve this loneliness issue, you have to be happy being single and by yourself. only when you can achieve that, then you are able to find someone who loves you for who you are.

it's not easy, but it's not impossible either.

don't ever think you are losing out because you are not in a relationship.

love yourself alright? and happy holidays.

[xiandarkthorne]

I am a 24 year-old Chinese with average looks and built. I’d been feeling really frustrated with my life because I had never dated anyone or been in a relationship before. I may seem ok on the front but deep down; I’m actually feeling really lonely and yearning so badly for someone to love me. Why are everyone so superficial and not giving me a chance just because I’m not good looking enough? Is it wrong to long for pure love instead and look beyond mere sex? Especially during Christmas, I feel like a complete loser when all couples are busy celebrating together while I’m all alone. All I want for Christmas is someone who loves me for who I am. Is that so hard?

First of all, ask yourself if you have tried making friends and hooking up with people you consider "not-so-good-looking" or "not good-looking enough" and have you only been trying to hook up with men whom you consider sufficiently "up to standard"?

Sorry but I find it hard to believe that in this day and age, you haven't dated anyone because "they think you are not good-looking enough" for them. In my experience, the opposite is usually the actual case. But most people find it hard to admit to themselves that they are searching for an "ideal man" and simply turning down everyone else who doesn't fit that particular set of standards in many ways. It's much easier to complain that "Nobody wants me" and lay the blame on everyone else. So, don't even think of blaming Singapore or Singaporeans.

Secondly, ask yourself if you have actually made the effort to make a date with someone and then actually turned up and tried to be nice to him. I know too many people who make a date, turn up but hide somewhere to check out the other guy, decide he is not good enough just by looking at him, go home without even the courtesy of saying "Hi", laugh at him for being "like that also brave enough to dating wan" - and then moan about other people not wanting to be their boyfriend or something like that.

And then, there are those who make excuses like "I am discrete because of my parents/job/friends etc. etc" and expect others to take them at their word that "I am average looks, average build" and form an instant relationship with a faceless person who probably doesn't even tell the truth about many of the other things in his life. Are you one of these?

Let me tell you a personal story. I used to complain about people not liking me or wanting to have a relationship with me, too. Until one day, I took a good, long, hard look at myself and discovered that I wouldn't have wanted a date - let alone a relationship - with the person I was. It really was a painful pill to swallow but it made me decide that -

1. I would never ever turn down the chance to meet anyone just because of the way he looked. I might stil say "No" straight away if I think the other person hasn't taken the trouble to read my profile and know a bit more about me, or if he starts calling me "dear" and "darling" with the second email or chat message - but that's because I find the first behaviour insultingly shallow and the second extremely creepy.

2. I had to make myself the kind of person I really would like to date and have a relationship with first, before I started looking for one.

Of course, i have to confess that having filled my life with lots of good friends, good company and interesting things to do, I really don't want to spend any time working on a relationship because that would put a limit to all the other things I can do to make my life and myself that much more interesting. But that's beside the point I guess.

Sorry for the hard words but sometimes, all we need is a wake-up call to change our lives for the better.

Edited December 21, 2011 by xiandarkthorne

[Guest MrLonely]

I do agree that we have to love ourselves before loving others. I do love myself and have a very open mindset. I do have friends, a healthy balance lifestyle of friends family and work. But you can't deny that there will definitely be times where one would feel empty and lonely. I'm not a picky person when it comes to love and do have a few crushes but things never worked out because its either just my wishful thinking or they cut me off. Its not that I'm being overly negative but it is just because I had slowly gotten used to rejection over time. Hope you guys can see things in my shoe instead of being so objective and general.

[WightTonguehlk]

I feel your pain. I am a picky person. And karma always bites me in the ass; those that I like are picky too and I am never gonna be good enough for them. and yeathe game of life & love.. will be the toughest game you will ever face.

[xiandarkthorne]

I sympathise with you both. Rejection always hurts. But like I said, if you only stick to "18-28 yrs, 180cm, 75 kg, toned body, face like Aaron Kwok etc. etc. etc." and it still doesn't work, then you are like the man who who keeps saying, "I only eat chicken everyday, Why still cannot grow feathers and fly?"

Broaden your circle of possible sex partners/friends and you might be surprised to find a nice guy who didn't fit your criteria at first but found a place in your heart later.

Otherwise you are just proving that what I said in my initial post is right and you have no one to blame for your predicament but yourself.

Edited December 21, 2011 by xiandarkthorne

[Mercutio]

I do agree that we have to love ourselves before loving others. I do love myself and have a very open mindset. I do have friends, a healthy balance lifestyle of friends family and work. But you can't deny that there will definitely be times where one would feel empty and lonely. I'm not a picky person when it comes to love and do have a few crushes but things never worked out because its either just my wishful thinking or they cut me off. Its not that I'm being overly negative but it is just because I had slowly gotten used to rejection over time. Hope you guys can see things in my shoe instead of being so objective and general.

A crush isn't love. Hopefully you and a lot of other people on this forum will understand that one day.

Actually, I do sympathize, since this will be for me the first Christmas in my entire life without either a boyfriend or my foster mom around.

However, if you will go through the threads in BW, you will realize there are members here, much older than you, who have never had a boyfriend. If you feel that you've been lonely for 20 years, how do you think they feel? By drawing so much attention to yourself, for being single during Christmas at the age of 24, I think you might be rubbing a bit of salt into wounds, even if they are too polite to speak out. You ask for others to stand in your shoes - well, your shoes aren't new, sweetie. They're very well worn.

I read a lot of suggestions and words of support and commiserations in the posts preceding. I've offered my sympathies, shared a very private detail and indicated that there are others who might be said to be worse off, although I doubt any of this is making you feel better as it's not what you really want. I think it's clear what you want, but it'll probably be better for you to voice it.

[Exynos]

well think about it, would u rather be in a dysfunctional relationship? i mean it's still a relationship but bringing tons of crap like "i love u emotionally but not physically so i'm gonna fxxk other guys while we're at it"... just no. like i'd rather wait 100 years to cultivate myself and have a good relationship than to be an emotional wreck, get together with other emotional wrecks but even more wretched than i ever was.

it's not like a boyfriend is a medicine or an angel that will solve all problems... everything starts and ends from the self.

[Guest Good Luck]

I am a 24 year-old Chinese with average looks and built. I’d been feeling really frustrated with my life because I had never dated anyone or been in a relationship before. I may seem ok on the front but deep down; I’m actually feeling really lonely and yearning so badly for someone to love me. Why are everyone so superficial and not giving me a chance just because I’m not good looking enough? Is it wrong to long for pure love instead and look beyond mere sex? Especially during Christmas, I feel like a complete loser when all couples are busy celebrating together while I’m all alone. All I want for Christmas is someone who loves me for who I am. Is that so hard?

I think you are being pessimisstic, you just haven't met the "right" one

[doncoin]

Quit whining and go do something about it. If I see Santa, I will tell him to send all the naughty boys over to you.

[SeannyShortcake]

Wow and my friends at Malaysia tell me Singapore is like a haven of available men.

You could start by msging some of our fine men in this forum,heading to the saunas/bars/clubs and attend some social events.

It's not that difficult really.

I found my bf via the IRC. The only truly fine gem in most of my time spent there. <3

[abang]

20s is the age of discovery and development.

You are allowed to make mistakes.

Now you are lonely because you have not ventured out.

Check your personality and physique (yes, I am that shallow)

Boost your confidence and enhance your knowledge of varied subjects.

Learn to communicate (verbal and non-verbal).

Project an image of self-assurance (not cocky).

Fear not, friends will come if you are unselfish, honest and resourceful.

[asus_guy]

I too is looking for someone who would undrstand me in my situation.. i am discreet and my friends with whom i stay dont know about me being bi. im not local thats why i dony have much friends from here. I just need someone to hangout and share thoughts about life.. im so lonely this christmas...