I Feel so Lonely; am I the only gay person who feels Lonely / Sad / Miserable / Less Attractive? (Compiled)

[Steve5380]

On 11/13/2020 at 4:43 AM, Guest Lonely said:

I feel so lonely. But I'm like a cat. When ppl want to touch me I will yell dont touch me. I know this is abit exaggerated. I feel lonely yet I am anti sociaĺ. Maybe all I want is sex. But sometimes after sex, I feel blank and meaningless too. I dont know where is this loneliness coming from? 

 

Get a membership here to have a still anonymous identity.  Then start posting as a member and get involved in discussions, where we can reply to you, PM you, "like" your posts, etc.  This spiritual connection can remove your loneliness without you having to put up with any physical bodies.

[mate69]

How come got so much free time to feel lonely?

I can barely have enough time. Wish I can have way more

Planning and doing up my finances and trying to balance accounts take up so much of my time on a daily basis

This is something all should devote the CHUNK of their time to, in order to secure their future/retirement, all the more so if they are single

even for partnered ones, u need to plan for yourself as if you are single/solo.

 

  

[yuquidam]

Sometimes depression triggers loneliness. Or a prolonged period of feeling deep loneliness could be the cause of depression.

 

Perhaps good to seek a counselling session with Oogachaga to help understand the underlying cause/s. 

Edited November 15, 2020 by yuquidam

[Greenliv]

7 minutes ago, yuquidam said:

Sometimes depression triggers loneliness. Or a prolonged period of feeling deep loneliness could be the cause of depression.

 

Perhaps good to seek a counselling session with Oogachaga to help understand the underlying cause/s. 

The equation of depression, loneliness and horniness. 

 

1. Horny + lonely = depression. 

2. Horny + can fuck + depression = lonely because you scare the hell out of the other person. 

3. Horny - (cannot) get someone to fuck = depression. 

4. Lonely + Depression = Oogachaga

5. Horny + not alone + can fuck = elation.

[Steve5380]

5 hours ago, Greenliv said:

The equation of depression, loneliness and horniness. 

 

1. Horny + lonely = depression. 

2. Horny + can fuck + depression = lonely because you scare the hell out of the other person. 

3. Horny - (cannot) get someone to fuck = depression. 

4. Lonely + Depression = Oogachaga

5. Horny + not alone + can fuck = elation.

 

Your equations seem to be mathematically correct.

[yuquidam]

5 hours ago, Greenliv said:

The equation of depression, loneliness and horniness. 

 

1. Horny + lonely = depression. 

2. Horny + can fuck + depression = lonely because you scare the hell out of the other person. 

3. Horny - (cannot) get someone to fuck = depression. 

4. Lonely + Depression = Oogachaga

5. Horny + not alone + can fuck = elation.

Wat an excellent mathematical mind! The formulae very much reflect how we feel at different times in a crisp and clear way. 😁

[imran]

On 11/15/2020 at 8:05 AM, Guest Derelict said:

Forgive me for being inquisitive. If you and you friends did not have the same interests, how did you guys become friends?

 

Because for me, I made frens with people who shared my interests . Boy did this turn out to be a double edged sword later.

Oh..its bcos we share other interest. Travel, religious class. But when they got married..it just fizzles off. Anyway these same friends not into arty farty stuff. So i cant ask them accompany me in this area. Thus my lonely trip into my hobbies.

[Guest Derelict]

2 hours ago, imran said:

Oh..its bcos we share other interest. Travel, religious class. But when they got married..it just fizzles off. Anyway these same friends not into arty farty stuff. So i cant ask them accompany me in this area. Thus my lonely trip into my hobbies.

Yes did have a similar situations where I'm in some place but felt out of place becos I did not have the same interests. Worse is that I can't make excuses to leave! (eg certain periods of school, army)

[imran]

On 11/16/2020 at 12:59 AM, Greenliv said:

The equation of depression, loneliness and horniness. 

 

1. Horny + lonely = depression. 

2. Horny + can fuck + depression = lonely because you scare the hell out of the other person. 

3. Horny - (cannot) get someone to fuck = depression. 

4. Lonely + Depression = Oogachaga

5. Horny + not alone + can fuck = elation.

i'm  at (1) and (3)..huhu😒

[fetish72]

You need soul searching what you want in life find the things that you like and love to it. Once you get the answer go and chase it and do it to please you not others. Another things is communicate in your hear while in your prayer to give you strength to moved on and inner love. Trust me after you did your prayer home or any prayer home to what you believe in you will feel more calm and u feel something heavy on your shoulder or heart been lift up. Best after your prayer in the prayer house that you believe in sit for awhile and focus to him clear your mind and communicate to him by express what in your heart. Bless you and be happy.

[mate69]

be your own best friend

no need for bf/partners/spouse etc...they will not help 

they will only ruin you and very likely add to your mental and emotional stress

develop self-resilience, always and every single time

u will be very very strong emotionally in no time

 

 

[Guest Guest]

Do you wish to be normal sometimes? 

 

I think being gay is hard, and when your friends all got married with children, you wish you can go through the same ordeal also. 

[Guest Guest]

Yes, I do hope that I can be straight and start a family like the rest at times.

 

But, there is nothing we can do about it. So might as well accept it wholeheartedly and start to find purposes in life. Life is too short to think of what ifs and if onlys....

[Guest Why]

3 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Do you wish to be normal sometimes? 

 

I think being gay is hard, and when your friends all got married with children, you wish you can go through the same ordeal also. 

All the time.   These days I've been wondering a lot, why I was born to this life. Why I have to suffer like this. Was I an abusive person in my past life, did I do something heinous, etc.

 

But sometimes I tell myself... at this point here and now, what does it all matter? What's past is past, and what's to come has yet to be. All I can control, is what I do now. I just try to be a good person, stay true to my values, do what I can.  (..recently I've been thinking about my living options, if I do end up alone. Need to start planning.)   If love happens, it happens. If it doesn't, at least I know I have been true to myself.  Easier said than done, I know. And sounds like another trite platitude. But it is what I tell myself sometimes. 

 

From one lonely soul to another, take care. 

[sum1outhere_03]

Yes it can be daunting especially there is this wanting to go out and chill, eat in some nice restaurants, watch a movie etc, but unfortunately to find that there's no one to accompany you doing that.

 

But for me, since most of my friends are basically "not available" anymore - I have learned to do all these myself without depending on anyone: window shopping, eat in restaurants, even journeying overseas, watch movie (only done it in JB though). It can be a little overwhelming especially when some foods are best to share with when eating/ don't have a big stomach, or queuing by yourself in a long line etc.

 

But doing all these by yourself can be freeing actually:

• There are no naggy friends around saying what food they want or do not want to eat (you can choose you favourite food on the go)
• Don't need to wait for draggy friends who love to take their own sweet time (hokkien for gao tu)
• You can always make a last minute change of your plans anytime without hurting any of your friends
• Your shopping time won't be limited because your girl/guy friends shop at a certain place for too long
• And many more

Try it yourself, perhaps you love to do it!

 

Of course, it'll be good if someone can do these things with me some day  

Edited January 23, 2021 by sum1outhere_03

[Guest guest]

1 hour ago, sum1outhere_03 said:

Yes it can be daunting especially there is this wanting to go out and chill, eat in some nice restaurants, watch a movie etc, but unfortunately to find that there's no one to accompany you doing that.

 

But for me, since most of my friends are basically "not available" anymore - I have learned to do all these myself without depending on anyone: window shopping, eat in restaurants, even journeying overseas, watch movie (only done it in JB though). It can be a little overwhelming especially when some foods are best to share with when eating/ don't have a big stomach, or queuing by yourself in a long line etc.

 

But doing all these by yourself can be freeing actually:

• There are no naggy friends around saying what food they want or do not want to eat (you can choose you favourite food on the go)
• Don't need to wait for draggy friends who love to take their own sweet time (hokkien for gao tu)
• You can always make a last minute change of your plans anytime without hurting any of your friends
• Your shopping time won't be limited because your girl/guy friends shop at a certain place for too long
• And many more

Try it yourself, perhaps you love to do it!

 

Of course, it'll be good if someone can do these things with me some day  

This sounds like quite sad, always alone. I think being alone to do things sometimes still can survive, but it is the emotional part that being alone have to deal with. When you are sad or happy, there is no one there to share and talk to. Everything have to endure and handle all by yourself. 

[Dart]

17 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

Do you wish to be normal sometimes? 

 

I think being gay is hard, and when your friends all got married with children, you wish you can go through the same ordeal also. 

 

Everyone's calling in life is different and there is no way to compare between them. Think of the heavy responsibility the straights have to shoulder to bring up their children. Some of them wish they could be freed from the obligation.

Edited January 24, 2021 by Dart

[Firday]

lonely is a package iternary in LIFE

can't hide

dun bother to run in the first place

can learn to accept 

if not

 

crying in the night with tear in the pillow.

 

i also bobian but swallow in hard way

once i get the momentum , accept it then i m okay about it.

 

 

 

[auscent]

It is easy to think having a family blocks out loneliness. But kids are a lifelong (or at least 18 yrs) responsibility.

 

Instead of looking for such ways to numb urself, why not take more positive steps to address ur unhappiness?

[Guest guest]

There are a lot of married couples who have children but feel super lonely. This loneliness doesn’t get resolved as the years pass by and they later project their negativity on their children.

[FlippantMount]

If I spend all my energy on the following facts:

 

1. I have crossed the 30 mark without ever being in a relationship

2. I am in a closet (out to myself and some friends)

3. Seeing all my friends getting married and have kids

4. Not looking like a hunk with a face that cause people to turn. 

5. Suffers from poor skin and other illness

6. Put on weight that are hard to shed

 

I will be permanently depressed and achieve nothing. 

 

But...I cannot change most of the facts above.

 

Instead I focus on:

 

1. Make people happy as much as I can

2. Create and build things for people

3. Eat and drink to my hearts content

4. Making my own life as friction-free as possible 

5. Doing the occasional runs every week

6. Go out by myself to enjoy the freedom

 

Life then is so much more... pleasant

 

 

[tic-toc]

That is the spirit! Admirable!

 

[upshot]

9 hours ago, FlippantMount said:

If I spend all my energy on the following facts:

 

1. I have crossed the 30 mark without ever being in a relationship

2. I am in a closet (out to myself and some friends)

3. Seeing all my friends getting married and have kids

4. Not looking like a hunk with a face that cause people to turn. 

5. Suffers from poor skin and other illness

6. Put on weight that are hard to shed

 

I will be permanently depressed and achieve nothing. 

 

But...I cannot change most of the facts above.

 

Instead I focus on:

 

1. Make people happy as much as I can

2. Create and build things for people

3. Eat and drink to my hearts content

4. Making my own life as friction-free as possible 

5. Doing the occasional runs every week

6. Go out by myself to enjoy the freedom

 

Life then is so much more... pleasant

 

 

That's a very positive perspective of looking at life and KNOWING there's much MORE to one's life than the usual stereotype of living and pursuit of goals. Uncommon unfortunately and sad that I encountered a good number of friends, colleague and people interactions in my lifetime who do. They lament about life not going the way they want due to their restrictive narrow focus telescope. The monkey-see-monkey do instead of seeing that life has much alternatives (possibly better potentials) to offer and that we do not all share the same abilities, talent, timing and opportunity to do the thing someone else seems to be doing better at it.  That's Life. If all of us were cut out of the same cookie cutter shape, life will be even more awful, boring, unfair and unforgiving if you fail. Varieties is the spice of life.

 

Just because you decided to do something but fail, can't do it well like others you admire, can't seem to improve, economically can't afford it like others, not understand or come to term with your own potential (and limitations) thus not have the abilities as others, be the best, never invited to join group, person you love do not feel the same even if you do your best or feel you are the best or have the best answers...etc. I can think of many reasons or link to many examples of bitterness, hopelessness, regrets, sadness (or excuses) found in topic threads in BW alone. Many did that or subject that to themselves. Heartless as that sound.

 

It is UNFAIR in that sense if what you decided on doing, you can't DOES NOT MEAN those are your only options. If you can not accept that fact about YOUR predicament, you will forever be stuck inside that MENTAL PRISON. Some people can help you see BUT ONLY YOU can decide to get from it.

 

The Problem you end up in YOU OWN NEVER CHANGING EMOTIONAL PRISON is because you refuse to see ALTERNATIVES and ADMIT we can't do everything you think we should. Why others can do it so why can't we. Thus end up getting frustrated, envious, time-wasting or spiralling depression over it. Somewhat 'spolied' I feel without sounding judgemental and more importantly HURT NO ONE MORE THAN YOU when you refuse to get out of that emotional prison you put yourself in.

 

Understand that life do not offer everyone the same opportunities. Life is UNFAIR in the sense that everyone is never at the same STARTING POINT. That's Life.

 

Examples of I mean: Someone plays football like a dribble god and another footballer dribble clumsily like he has two-left-feet. That's Life. But you found out two-left-feet footballer is a killer goalkeeper and the dribble god can't save a goal to save his life. That's Life. Someone does a sport with a huge following in one country, but you who love it too in your country (or office) and no one cares. That's Life. You like keeping a dog as pet but no one around your circle cares to join your interesting or love a cat instead. That's Life. You follow, praise and know everything about a certain celebrity, but celebrity has no idea of your existence and dedication. That's Life. You spot a guy you like to fuck in a spa, he refuses but you kept chasing till he tells you off or you get dejected and start thinking negatively as to why you got rejected. That's Life. Your family hear you sing in Karaoke and said you sound like some famous singer but strangers/friend tells you otherwise. Family bends the truth as they did not want to hurt your feelings. That's Life. Everyone seems to love wearing a certain kind of fashion-wear, but you feel differently. That's Life.

 

Just because we want something does not always mean we get to have it 'Our Way'. That's Life.

 

No one like to hear that when especially it means so much to us, intend on doing, be loved, be a part of or even forced to change once we attained it. That's Life. But we still have choices if we allow ourselves to see it. Yes it is hard but what choice do we have really?

 

Society is not as mean to us as we think. WE are even more mean to ourselves than we think. Only we can change that. To choose an ALTERNATIVE SHOULD NOT BE SEEN as settling for 'second best choices or seen as a defeat. Maybe we are just not good (enough) at it, the timing is not right, we need to work harder to get it; and that dealing with people is more complex than just about you making those choices to benefit you first before others. When we say NOT GOOD ENOUGH, whose standard are we comparing it to and for what reason we need to compare? Manage your expectation, and you will be a happier fulfilled person and very possibly open yourself up to better things you had not considered before which more suited to you. Some things can't be rushed.

 

Key to escape your prison has always been with you. If only you choose to see it.

 

 

 

Edited February 28, 2021 by upshot
Context, typo or correction as always.

[Guest guest]

9 hours ago, FlippantMount said:

Instead I focus on:

 

1. Make people happy as much as I can

2. Create and build things for people

3. Eat and drink to my hearts content

4. Making my own life as friction-free as possible 

5. Doing the occasional runs every week

6. Go out by myself to enjoy the freedom

 

Life then is so much more... pleasant

 

 

 

Makes me wonder about how you are going about focusing on those:

 

1. Make people happy as much as I can: Do you feel happy when you make people happy then?

2. Create and build things for people: Are those things often what those people want?

3. Eat and drink to my hearts content: And get drunk at end of the day?

4. Making my own life as friction-free as possible: What lube do you use?

5. Doing the occasional runs every week: What happens when nasty thoughts cloud your mind during the run?

6. Go out by myself to enjoy the freedom: Do you talk to yourself and laugh/cry when outside?

[FlippantMount]

7 minutes ago, Guest guest said:

 

Makes me wonder about how you are going about focusing on those:

 

1. Make people happy as much as I can: Do you feel happy when you make people happy then?

2. Create and build things for people: Are those things often what those people want?

3. Eat and drink to my hearts content: And get drunk at end of the day?

4. Making my own life as friction-free as possible: What lube do you use?

5. Doing the occasional runs every week: What happens when nasty thoughts cloud your mind during the run?

6. Go out by myself to enjoy the freedom: Do you talk to yourself and laugh/cry when outside?

Really simple really. Being present in the moment.

 

1. Yes, when people are happy, I'm happy.

2. That's why it is important to listen, observe and empathise. My job requires me to do that anyway.

3. Yes, I get to my happy place quite often.

4. Friction-free = clutter-free/complexity-free/stress-free:

• Drop and ignore neurotic people. Ignore naysayers and pessimists. I recognise these people because I'm one myself. Been working on myself (Self-development).
• Recognizing and respecting that people will always do whatever they want or like, and they have their preferences.
• Use technology to do things and minimize manual process. If necessary, pay people/organisation fees if they can fix problems quickly for me and stop bothering me.
• Self-awareness. Know deep down what you like or don't like and then don't put yourself in situations that you don't like.

5. Oh... nasty thoughts always come to me. Just acknowledge them and move on. Turn your attention to your surroundings instead. Enjoy the fresh air. (Part of self-development)

6. Heh.. I have my own mind-palace.

 

 

[Why?]

I felt lonely when I am surrounded by unintellectual, emotionally immature, extremely insecured and highly insensitive people.  That almost cover the entire population.  Is there no other solution?

[Guest Nobody]

For me, its the insecurity and thinking in future i will be alone in a house with no one to share my ups and downs or to talk about my experiences like a nice movie I've just watched or tasty food I've just eaten. Unlike the straight & married,  if they run into problems, they potentially have someone they can turn to and have someone to accompany to do activities together and build fond memories to talk about and reminisce in future. Being a gay is not easy and a closet one is even worse. You have to face constant questions from society on why you are not married.

[auscent]

10 minutes ago, Guest Nobody said:

For me, its the insecurity and thinking in future i will be alone in a house with no one to share my ups and downs or to talk about my experiences like a nice movie I've just watched or tasty food I've just eaten. Unlike the straight & married,  if they run into problems, they potentially have someone they can turn to and have someone to accompany to do activities together..

Careful about over romanticising. Straight marriage can bring other probs eg: kids, kids with special needs, teens, fighting in laws. 

 

Consider building stronger frenships/ social capital  I have a limited but several ppl I can talk to abt diffe issues. It goes a long way in reducing post traum symptoms when I have difficulties.

[detour]

 

2 hours ago, Guest Nobody said:

For me, its the insecurity and thinking in future i will be alone in a house with no one to share my ups and downs or to talk about my experiences like a nice movie I've just watched or tasty food I've just eaten. Unlike the straight & married,  if they run into problems, they potentially have someone they can turn to and have someone to accompany to do activities together and build fond memories to talk about and reminisce in future. Being a gay is not easy and a closet one is even worse. You have to face constant questions from society on why you are not married.

Are you ok? 

[Guest Realistic]

Many PLU will be destined for a lonely like until gay relationships are accepted by the mainstream.

Currently there appears little hope due to gay people having a reputation for vindictiveness, biased and jealous characteristics.

[detour]

30 minutes ago, Guest Realistic said:

Many PLU will be destined for a lonely like until gay relationships are accepted by the mainstream.

Currently there appears little hope due to gay people having a reputation for vindictiveness, biased and jealous characteristics.

Even so, we can still have relationships just that it is not accepted by law. Most importantly, all humans have to get used to loneliness as this is part and parcel of life.  

[Guest guest]

8 hours ago, Guest Nobody said:

For me, its the insecurity and thinking in future i will be alone in a house with no one to share my ups and downs or to talk about my experiences like a nice movie I've just watched or tasty food I've just eaten. Unlike the straight & married,  if they run into problems, they potentially have someone they can turn to and have someone to accompany to do activities together and build fond memories to talk about and reminisce in future. Being a gay is not easy and a closet one is even worse. You have to face constant questions from society on why you are not married.

Some gay men choose to marry women because if they can’t get a male partner, at least they have a female partner they can share their lives with than sitting at a gay bar or sauna to curb their loneliness while other gay men mentally spit on them being undesirable. Some wives are also jolly aware that their husbands are gay and they accept it because they also haven’t really found the right one and may never find one. As long as the man is a dutiful husband and father these women are fine with it. 

[detour]

19 minutes ago, Guest guest said:

Some gay men choose to marry women because if they can’t get a male partner, at least they have a female partner they can share their lives with than sitting at a gay bar or sauna to curb their loneliness while other gay men mentally spit on them being undesirable. Some wives are also jolly aware that their husbands are gay and they accept it because they also haven’t really found the right one and may never find one. As long as the man is a dutiful husband and father these women are fine with it. 

There is hardly any perfect marriage to begin with. Probably a perfect marriage is one where both dies together which is uncommon  

[lonely57]

Sometimes I wish I could start all over again. I'm 28 but I feel like I've made the wrong choices throughout my entire life. Academics, career, etc. It's all wrong but then again not many really work with something they are interested in. A career change would be hard and once I'm there I'd be super old. 

 

All the guys that I've poured my heart to rejected me. Each rejection makes me question further what's wrong with me. Makes me feel like I'm not good enough. Lately I feel that I've been very distracted lately. In school and at work. Feels like nothing exciting going on when everyone else around me seems to be progressing nicely.

 

Things that I can do others can do. I don't specialise in anything and can't do anything out of the extraordinary. I don't feel unique. I feel like a deformed cookie cutter of a regular person. 

 

I feel so left out, alone and am worth nothing. 

[Guest Al cheapo]

On 3/1/2021 at 4:39 PM, Guest guest said:

Some gay men choose to marry women because if they can’t get a male partner, at least they have a female partner they can share their lives with than sitting at a gay bar or sauna to curb their loneliness while other gay men mentally spit on them being undesirable. Some wives are also jolly aware that their husbands are gay and they accept it because they also haven’t really found the right one and may never find one. As long as the man is a dutiful husband and father these women are fine with it. 

Those women are abnormal. They are either lesbians themselves or cheapish who don't mind carrying a fake chanel bag.

[Guest Al cheapo]

Many women are sexually deluded naive, no thanks to local media brainwashing that dumbs them down and "sexually challenged" christian sexuality education. 

[FlippantMount]

6 hours ago, lonely57 said:

Sometimes I wish I could start all over again. I'm 28 but I feel like I've made the wrong choices throughout my entire life. Academics, career, etc. It's all wrong but then again not many really work with something they are interested in. A career change would be hard and once I'm there I'd be super old. 

 

All the guys that I've poured my heart to rejected me. Each rejection makes me question further what's wrong with me. Makes me feel like I'm not good enough. Lately I feel that I've been very distracted lately. In school and at work. Feels like nothing exciting going on when everyone else around me seems to be progressing nicely.

 

Things that I can do others can do. I don't specialise in anything and can't do anything out of the extraordinary. I don't feel unique. I feel like a deformed cookie cutter of a regular person. 

 

I feel so left out, alone and am worth nothing. 

It's never too late to have a career change. Yes, what one can do, others can do as well. I can write codes, so do countless thousands other. Many are way smarter than I am. But I still do it because its what I enjoy and it is something that allow me to fulfil my mission.

 

So the question is: What is the one (or a combination of) thing(s) that you do that make you happy and satisfied?

 

I'm not going to pretend I know what's going on or truly understand but I do know having a pessimistic outlook is NOT going to get you out of this rut.

 

Only a plan and action will.

[lonely57]

16 minutes ago, FlippantMount said:

It's never too late to have a career change. Yes, what one can do, others can do as well. I can write codes, so do countless thousands other. Many are way smarter than I am. But I still do it because its what I enjoy and it is something that allow me to fulfil my mission.

 

So the question is: What is the one (or a combination of) thing(s) that you do that make you happy and satisfied?

 

I'm not going to pretend I know what's going on or truly understand but I do know having a pessimistic outlook is NOT going to get you out of this rut.

 

Only a plan and action will.

 

I had a plan. But my lack of willpower and self confidence made me give up. I just thought, I'm not smart enough to do it. Especially while ageing. 

[FlippantMount]

3 minutes ago, lonely57 said:

 

I had a plan. But my lack of willpower and self confidence made me give up. I just thought, I'm not smart enough to do it. Especially while ageing. 

28 isn't old. It's the beginning of one's career especially in Singapore for a guy (thanks NS).

 

Willpower and self confidence... it's good that you are aware why you gave up. Sadly, nobody can give you those. You have to build them up slowly. And complaining about it is not going to help either. But if you need morale support, you can always reach out.

[lonely57]

19 hours ago, FlippantMount said:

28 isn't old. It's the beginning of one's career especially in Singapore for a guy (thanks NS).

 

Willpower and self confidence... it's good that you are aware why you gave up. Sadly, nobody can give you those. You have to build them up slowly. And complaining about it is not going to help either. But if you need morale support, you can always reach out.

 

i feel old when i go back to reservist seeing how where everyone else is in their lives. and i think i screwed up a lot in my career to call it the beginning. 

 

and i still cant handle rejection very well. any tips? like if im still going to end up meeting that guy. what should my thoughts be like. 

[Steve5380]

4 hours ago, lonely57 said:

 

i feel old when i go back to reservist seeing how where everyone else is in their lives. and i think i screwed up a lot in my career to call it the beginning. 

 

and i still cant handle rejection very well. any tips? like if im still going to end up meeting that guy. what should my thoughts be like. 

 

If you are 28 y.o. now,  I can tell you from personal experience that life can be wonderful half a century later.  If it will be so, it depends on what you do in these next 50 years.  This is a long time, able to correct most of what you did wrong so far.  Remember that we are creatures in personal evolution,  not like blocks of cement who settle and harden after the early life.   Although early mishaps with our physical body from accidents, serious illnesses, may last our whole life,  what is spiritual, like feelings of loneliness or unhappiness, has possibilities of change.  It is now believed that our brain can change, regenerate, improve.

[FlippantMount]

5 hours ago, lonely57 said:

 

i feel old when i go back to reservist seeing how where everyone else is in their lives. and i think i screwed up a lot in my career to call it the beginning. 

 

and i still cant handle rejection very well. any tips? like if im still going to end up meeting that guy. what should my thoughts be like. 

I don't handle rejection well too. It takes practice to change the perspective. 

 

Something I learn from psychologist and putting into practice is to draw three columns on a piece of paper and give them each a header: Me, others and situations 

 

Then ask yourself: what can you control? write them down on that paper in their respective columns.

 

Some questions to aid you: 

 

can you control people rejecting you?

 

can you control how people think of you?

 

can you control how you think? 

 

Then focus on those that you can control. 

 

If you need help, Im more than happy to help you with it.

Edited March 12, 2021 by FlippantMount

[GachiMuchi]

On 3/11/2021 at 2:53 PM, lonely57 said:

Sometimes I wish I could start all over again. I'm 28 but I feel like I've made the wrong choices throughout my entire life. Academics, career, etc. It's all wrong but then again not many really work with something they are interested in. A career change would be hard and once I'm there I'd be super old. 

 

All the guys that I've poured my heart to rejected me. Each rejection makes me question further what's wrong with me. Makes me feel like I'm not good enough. Lately I feel that I've been very distracted lately. In school and at work. Feels like nothing exciting going on when everyone else around me seems to be progressing nicely.

 

Things that I can do others can do. I don't specialise in anything and can't do anything out of the extraordinary. I don't feel unique. I feel like a deformed cookie cutter of a regular person. 

 

I feel so left out, alone and am worth nothing. 

 

On 3/11/2021 at 9:45 PM, lonely57 said:

 

I had a plan. But my lack of willpower and self confidence made me give up. I just thought, I'm not smart enough to do it. Especially while ageing. 

 

9 hours ago, lonely57 said:

 

i feel old when i go back to reservist seeing how where everyone else is in their lives. and i think i screwed up a lot in my career to call it the beginning. 

 

and i still cant handle rejection very well. any tips? like if im still going to end up meeting that guy. what should my thoughts be like. 

 

After reading your post, I feel, no one in their right mind would want to be your boyfriend.

1. you are too negative.

2. you lack drive,

3. you lack confident.

4. you had given up.

 

To me, you are really a sad person for a 28yo, always comparing yourself to people who are better than you and you belittling yourself and your abilities. I seriously feels that you had already given up with yourself, so how do you expect anyone with their right mind to even accept you when you can't even accept yourself.

 

I keep seeing your posts as guest and as your current account, how bad your life is and how lack of confident you are, etc.  I seriously urge you to go see a doctor to look into your mental state. You are either suffering from depression or some kind of instability to cope.

 

Usually I would like to give a word or 2 of encouragement, but I am not going to.

 

KNN, for a 28 yo, you already throwing in the towels while many much older then you are still fighting to be better. What the fuck do you want? You want people to pity you? Pity you for how miserable your fucking life is now?

 

At 28, you can still afford to fail, when you still don't have a family and no fucking commitments compare to others who are much older who cannot afford to fail and who have other family commitments; like taking care of family, house, etc.

 

You are lucky that you are healthy, have a job and good health. Here you are in BW, keep whining about how miserable your life is instead of counting your blessing.

 

KNN, you are the type of fucker that don't deserve all those opportunities. You should be ashamed of yourself for failing yourself.

 

If you don't fucking puck up and do something about your life and only knows how to whine and sulk, then you deserved to fail and deserve to be single for the rest of your life.

 

Go get a fucking life and live your live the way you want it！

Nobody fucking owes you a living!

 

[Steve5380]

@lonely57,   GachiMuchi in the post above gave you a very realistic description of your situation.  He didn't give you any encouragement because you are obviously BLIND to the positive attributes you have.

 

But one knows how easy it is to focus on the negatives and ignore the positives,  it happens to me too sometimes,  so I will keep trying.

 

Take the case of Meghan Markle, wife of Harry,  and her experience with the royal family.  It is hard to imagine another woman who was so blessed with glory, adoration, and envied as much as she was, and still is.  Yet, one can believe (but not necessarily) what she said that she became suicidal.  

 

The explanation is that happiness is not conditional.  

 

A person can have all the riches and glories in the world, and still lose his/her soul.  (Jesus said something about this). The converse is also true.  Indigent people smiling.

 

You can have the horribly fucked up life you think you have,  and still you can be happy at times.  

Hopefully you know, you have experienced this feeling of being happy.   It could be worth for you to do some experiments of bringing in this known feeling of happiness in between your feelings of loneliness and misery.   If just once you can LIE TO YOURSELF and make yourself feel happy,  you can do it again.  And the more you repeat it,  the more control you gain over this feeling and bring it up.   

 

If you are able to do this, you will realize that you can change your feelings from misery to happiness...  with absolutely no change in your life, your situation.   Once you can do this, then you have a choice.  And so,  why not choose happiness more often?

 

This sounds so ridiculously trivial and artificial, but... why not give it a try?  It can be a good start, even if you started a thousand times.

.

Edited March 13, 2021 by Steve5380

[FlippantMount]

@lonely57

 

The ball is now in your court. 

 

Others have probably seen you around here far longer than I have and have a better context. And they are right too.

 

But I'll start from a fresh state. I'm coming from a place of 33 years old, been through two episodes of depression, got professional help, slowly develop mental resilience, still developing myself, and based on the few posts I've seen you made, reminded me of me. 

 

It's now your choice to either continue complain and give up, or stop with the complains and start working to a brighter future. And, I'm willing to extend a hand to you and help you on the condition you want to help yourself and stop the complaining. Up to you to accept.

[lonely57]

5 hours ago, GachiMuchi said:

 

 

 

After reading your post, I feel, no one in their right mind would want to be your boyfriend.

1. you are too negative.

2. you lack drive,

3. you lack confident.

4. you had given up.

 

To me, you are really a sad person for a 28yo, always comparing yourself to people who are better than you and you belittling yourself and your abilities. I seriously feels that you had already given up with yourself, so how do you expect anyone with their right mind to even accept you when you can't even accept yourself.

 

I keep seeing your posts as guest and as your current account, how bad your life is and how lack of confident you are, etc.  I seriously urge you to go see a doctor to look into your mental state. You are either suffering from depression or some kind of instability to cope.

 

Usually I would like to give a word or 2 of encouragement, but I am not going to.

 

KNN, for a 28 yo, you already throwing in the towels while many much older then you are still fighting to be better. What the fuck do you want? You want people to pity you? Pity you for how miserable your fucking life is now?

 

At 28, you can still afford to fail, when you still don't have a family and no fucking commitments compare to others who are much older who cannot afford to fail and who have other family commitments; like taking care of family, house, etc.

 

You are lucky that you are healthy, have a job and good health. Here you are in BW, keep whining about how miserable your life is instead of counting your blessing.

 

KNN, you are the type of fucker that don't deserve all those opportunities. You should be ashamed of yourself for failing yourself.

 

If you don't fucking puck up and do something about your life and only knows how to whine and sulk, then you deserved to fail and deserve to be single for the rest of your life.

 

Go get a fucking life and live your live the way you want it！

Nobody fucking owes you a living!

 

 

thats quite harsh but thanks. guess all this negativity is coming from many failures and rejection and i doubt seeing a doctor will help. he will probably think im seeking attention and just end up giving some prescription meds. clearly you do too. 

 

You are lucky that you are healthy, have a job and good health. -> there are times where i wish something would hit me. im not crazy enough to carry out my own suicide yet and i dont want people to think that i have a problem. maybe once my parents go i will go too. 

 

KNN, you are the type of fucker that don't deserve all those opportunities. You should be ashamed of yourself for failing yourself. -> yes. i dont deserve anything at all. 

 

5 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

@lonely57,   GachiMuchi in the post above gave you a very realistic description of your situation.  He didn't give you any encouragement because you are obviously BLIND to the positive attributes you have.

 

But one knows how easy it is to focus on the negatives and ignore the positives,  it happens to me too sometimes,  so I will keep trying.

 

Take the case of Meghan Markle, wife of Harry,  and her experience with the royal family.  It is hard to imagine another woman who was so blessed with glory, adoration, and envied as much as she was, and still is.  Yet, one can believe (but not necessarily) what she said that she became suicidal.  

 

The explanation is that happiness is not conditional.  

 

A person can have all the riches and glories in the world, and still lose his/her soul.  (Jesus said something about this). The converse is also true.  Indigent people smiling.

 

You can have the horribly fucked up life you think you have,  and still you can be happy at times.  

Hopefully you know, you have experienced this feeling of being happy.   It could be worth for you to do some experiments of bringing in this known feeling of happiness in between your feelings of loneliness and misery.   If just once you can LIE TO YOURSELF and make yourself feel happy,  you can do it again.  And the more you repeat it,  the more control you gain over this feeling and bring it up.   

 

If you are able to do this, you will realize that you can change your feelings from misery to happiness...  with absolutely no change in your life, your situation.   Once you can do this, then you have a choice.  And so,  why not choose happiness more often?

 

This sounds so ridiculously trivial and artificial, but... why not give it a try?  It can be a good start, even if you started a thousand times.

.

 

But one knows how easy it is to focus on the negatives and ignore the positives,  it happens to me too sometimes,  so I will keep trying. -> maybe the positives outweighs the negatives and the positives dont matter as much as the negatives.

 

This sounds so ridiculously trivial and artificial, but... why not give it a try?  It can be a good start, even if you started a thousand times. -> ill give that a try. 

 

2 hours ago, FlippantMount said:

@lonely57

 

The ball is now in your court. 

 

Others have probably seen you around here far longer than I have and have a better context. And they are right too.

 

But I'll start from a fresh state. I'm coming from a place of 33 years old, been through two episodes of depression, got professional help, slowly develop mental resilience, still developing myself, and based on the few posts I've seen you made, reminded me of me. 

 

It's now your choice to either continue complain and give up, or stop with the complains and start working to a brighter future. And, I'm willing to extend a hand to you and help you on the condition you want to help yourself and stop the complaining. Up to you to accept.

 

did the professional help improve your condition? i think someone to talk to would actually be nice. 

[FlippantMount]

2 hours ago, lonely57 said:

did the professional help improve your condition? i think someone to talk to would actually be nice. 

 

Yes. In my case, a combination of therapy and medication helped me. 

 

Mind you, doctors don't prescribe medication just like that. I went on medication only after my second episode of depression, which happened to be more serious than the first time.

 

By the way, if all doctors think of all their patients as seeking attention, then they really shouldn't be in that line of work, isn't it?

[rutabater]

---

Edited October 21, 2021 by rutabater

[FlippantMount]

I had a similar experience during my poly days a decade ago and I was in the closet. I made through by shrugging off those type of comments and focus on other things. 

 

Alternatively, you can attempt to make new friends outside of school to feel less lonely.

[upshot]

Tough Love especially from GM but like the game of SNAP. You slow. You lose. Think anyone really really really will care enough to stop what they do surviving themselves, to take care of your 'needs' till you grow your own wings to fly?

 

Seen people like that. Never saw a happy ending to them. Ya there are others like you too. Very sorry. I think your parents should have done better for you. But that can not even be your excuse for the rest of your life.

 

Even in nature you see it very clearly this is how the world evolve to survive for eons. The weak WILL  give way to the fittest. Cruel? That's the proven Darwin's Law. You can keep arguing about it with us or yourself. Time is ticking.

 

I care, we care enough to 'wake up your ideas' as the army used to say.