I Feel so Lonely; am I the only gay person who feels Lonely / Sad / Miserable / Less Attractive? (Compiled)

[Mercutio]

I too is looking for someone who would undrstand me in my situation.. i am discreet and my friends with whom i stay dont know about me being bi. im not local thats why i dony have much friends from here. I just need someone to hangout and share thoughts about life.. im so lonely this christmas...

Are you the TS, or a different person?

Why would your friends need to know about your sexuality if you want to share thoughts about life, unless your thoughts are about sexuality? I should think it's better to share thoughts on life with friends, than with strangers.

I hadn't realized sexuality and companionship were so central to Christmas. I shall discuss it with the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith next time I'm at the Vatican to have these issues more closely integrated into church prescriptions for Advent.

[delon]

Sometimes it's better to be alone and sad than to be attached and unhappy. Between the devil and the deep blue sea, you have a choice.

[Guest Guest]

people who has a lonely soul is it very insecure within?

[Magicerife]

i invited a bunch of friends back to bake and eat turkey.

[Mercutio]

Ok, I'm going to say what I didn't want to earlier. TS, everything that could possibly be offered to you has been offered. Truth be said, I believe you are just an attention seeker. You want to believe your situation is unique and are thus wallowing in supposed self-pity, but you are totally getting your rocks off with all these posts, whether you want to admit it or no.

If you were sincere, well, goddammit but why don't you even bother logging in as anything other than Guest?

Stop wasting everyone's good intentions and time.

Edited December 22, 2011 by Mercutio

[koolkai]

I am a 24 year-old Chinese with average looks and built. All I want for Christmas is someone who loves me for who I am. Is that so hard?

Maybe you have been rejecting the prawns in Singapore and trying to get the lobsters?

[Blacque]

Ok, I'm going to say what I didn't want to earlier. TS, everything that could possibly be offered to you has been offered. Truth be said, I believe you are just an attention seeker. You want to believe your situation is unique and are thus wallowing in supposed self-pity, but you are totally getting your rocks off with all these posts, whether you want to admit it or no.

If you were sincere, well, goddammit but why don't you even bother logging in as anything other than Guest?

Stop wasting everyone's good intentions and time.

Sounds a tad too harsh, but I agree with your words.

[gamcubmelb]

I remember feeling the same when I was younger but then I realised... You need to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince... so enjoy the kissing journey lol

[Phil]

I remember feeling the same when I was younger but then I realised... You need to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince... so enjoy the kissing journey lol

Quite true! Just be patient.

And many frogs are relatively "kissable"...

[darkflame]

My stand is somewhere is lacking in your heart that you need to yearn for such love.

When you feel fearful and desperate, everything goes awry for you.

You feel as if nobody wants you, which in turn comes true, since you will fulfill your own prophecy by your behaviour and actions.

My stand is, take everything slowly, bit by bit.

Great haste makes great waste.

[Kurio_boy]

Aww u need a hug... *hugs*

[Guest frog prince]

I remember feeling the same when I was younger but then I realised... You need to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince... so enjoy the kissing journey lol

I am sure you had accidentally kissed some toads too. Those disgusting ones

[stylishvicky]

I share the same feelings with MrLonely; it is reali hard to find someone who could reciprocate the love, and nobody seems to like me as much as I like themT.T

My Xmas was spent in solitude watching pxxn. Bf went US w/o meT.T

I was tempted to go clubbing at Zouk ysterdy but I noe no one thereT.T

Anyway, i also dunno how to go there even though my bf drove me there a couple of times already T.T

[Guest jayy]

I think we should cut the TS some slack. I'd be lying if I said I was never in that pathetic state of wallowing in self-pity once. But the truth is, TS, if you want something, you got to work for it. Showcase yourself to the world. That someone who's gonna love you for who you are has to notice you first, right?

[Guest 22yo]

Was wondering why never receive any anonymous cutie's msg through FB, no more gay(in closet) who are friends of my friends testing the water with me, no more "you're cute" kinda compliment from anyone I know and lastly, nobody to talk to when I need to.

Anyone going through smiliar crisis? Please share how to deal with boredom and loneliness.

I feel that I no longer wish for a r/s, because I NEED it so much that I feel like no point saving myself for that day when Mr right finally decide to appear in front of me. I was thinking about wasting myself, since everyone is doing the same thing.. and have at least better chance of getting into a r/s. However, a tiny part of me somehow wanting to believe that HE might be just around the corner, and that wasting me isn't gonna cure loneliness.

P.S: I'm 22, 170 58 and I am currently serving the nation.

[Guest guest]

yes is a cruel aj world. no looks u are out from aj world. no money u also out,at 31 aj is consder old leow to the new generation.so prepare to be lonely for the old gay.

[EasleyLim]

Have faith in yourself, you don't need people to shower you with compliments. Once you feel that you're ugly and lonely, it will be evident to other people as well.

Besides, confidence is sexy as heeeeeeeeeeeeell.

[abang]

I'm 51 and yes, the number of gay and straight friends is inversely proportional to age.

Does fewer friends mean loneliness?

Have the forsaken me?

No, they had NOT but they do not wish to make the first move to call me.

Unfortunately not many locals know how to communicate...

To the TS, you are young..go out and get more friends...

[Guest 22yo]

I do have confidence in myself, my looks, my built, my character, but I do not know why am I no longer attractive. As time goes by, I just feel more lonely and think that maybe i'm not really that great and probably ugly looking... which pulls me down but nonetheless, I still fake a confident look in front of everyone. Sighs, I wonder whats my real problem. Is it because I am too conserve? I don't club as much, I never been to a cruising area, had experienced fun but wasn't really because I started to.

[GuyBornThisWay]

22 is still darn young. Time is on your side.

Not clubbing as much doesn't make you any less desirable oh gosh. Just go to any gay dating sites and you can see TONNES of gay man whom are homely, dun cruise etc, and some really look damn fxxking hot. That doesn't make them less desirable or less confident, its just a different way of life. If going to cursing area isn't you, then dun force yourself to do so.

[Guest 22yo]

Okay so I shldnt force myself to cruise, or to waste myself away. I've been to dating sites but still nobody show any interest in me. I've asked my friends how do I look, they all say I look cute and I shld have gotten a bf/gf by now. I am really lost now.

[Guest Guest]

In AJ circle one should either have the look or built, having both will be bonus. You may said I'm shallow, but this is fact.

[koolkai]

The AJ world is a cruel one! One must have look, good bod and youth and if have money, even better. This is a very superficial circle! Sometimes I find that people in the AJ circle are much more cruel than the straight people!

[Guest jayy]

There's no such thing as you "should have gotten a bf by now". If it happens, it happens.

What you can do is to try to make it happen. And its tough work. Go out and get to know people and try to make friends. Message people, don't sit there and expect to be messaged or showered with attention.

Besides, you can't expect to get into a r/s after one night of hot sex or a couple of dates. It takes time to get to know someone.

[Manbane]

Was wondering why never receive any anonymous cutie's msg through FB, no more gay(in closet) who are friends of my friends testing the water with me, no more "you're cute" kinda compliment from anyone I know and lastly, nobody to talk to when I need to.

Anyone going through smiliar crisis? Please share how to deal with boredom and loneliness.

P.S: I'm 22, 170 58 and I am currently serving the nation.

Eh you are 22...i wasn't even out till 25! Just spend some time training up yourself. Believe it or not, many young guys go for 30 plus guys these days.

You still have at least many good years ahead if you train and workout and take care of yourself properly.

But its inevitable that at some point when u get older and older, your "market value" will drop for most people. Well this is what most aging folks face anyway, be it gay or straight.

Learn humility, to be contented, enjoy the simple pleasures of life and it will be much easier.

[Guest guest]

how can u compare gay and straight old ppl? straight can just any how match mate and settle down with a marriage cert. gay have to depend on ownself.

[Maquis]

I disagree with almost all of whats been said above.

I may not be as young as 22 anymore but I feel 100% better and enjoy life more now then I did then.

First of all many men get better looking with age - yes the perfect skin & shape may go but in return u will get the charactericstics that make u unique and noticable to that very special someone thats out there and already looking for you.

Secondly the older you get the better you know what you want, what u dont want, how to maintain a healthy & loving relationship, how to recognize true friends, how to make the right choices in life, etc etc.

At 22, perhaps it seems like your future depends on the shallow waters of the saturdaynight gay scene. At twice that age, I can tell u that it really, really doesn't.

[Guest alvin]

when i first saw the title, i thought u must be a 40yo plus guy and beyond. I thought 'this guy must hv reached that stage where he needs to rant abit before accepting the truth and move on'.

But gosh u are only 22? What are u ranting abt? The best thing u hv is youth now and it is up to u how u wanna lead ur life. U still hv a long way to go.

Btw what does it mean to waste yourself?

Most ajs experience a sense of loneliness as they get older (40 yo and beyond) I think its normal to feel that way but u hv to get over it. What we need is a group of close friends for support and company. We can make friends with anyone but i guess we should choose our close friends wisely. The gems are those who are non-judgemental, supportive and are there for u when u need them. They need not be gd looking or hot, whats most important is their character and heart. Of course u hv to be like that as well. If ur grp of friends are those who just f*ck ard aimlessly, are judgemental, superficial and shallow, then be prepared to be lonely cos they might dump u and then look for the new young ones.

[orca888]

The AJ world is a cruel one! One must have look, good bod and youth and if have money, even better. This is a very superficial circle! Sometimes I find that people in the AJ circle are much more cruel than the straight people!

Wow so sad, I have none

Maybe that's why I am still in the closet...hahah

[Guest Guest]

Has anyone considered using botox or any cosmetic surgery? Which do you prefer when you grow old: plastic face or a natural face?

[Guest Guest]

I'm 29 and already feel what 40+ year olds are feeling. Never had a bf and it seems nobody is into me. I'm not ugly or anything.

[stylishvicky]

Was wondering why never receive any anonymous cutie's msg through FB, no more gay(in closet) who are friends of my friends testing the water with me, no more "you're cute" kinda compliment from anyone I know and lastly, nobody to talk to when I need to.

Anyone going through smiliar crisis? Please share how to deal with boredom and loneliness.

I feel that I no longer wish for a r/s, because I NEED it so much that I feel like no point saving myself for that day when Mr right finally decide to appear in front of me. I was thinking about wasting myself, since everyone is doing the same thing.. and have at least better chance of getting into a r/s. However, a tiny part of me somehow wanting to believe that HE might be just around the corner, and that wasting me isn't gonna cure loneliness.

P.S: I'm 22, 170 58 and I am currently serving the nation.

Me too T.T worst still I am 23....

I dun wan another r/s tat ends like e ones I had. Its always sad to see my exs n his date around e town n I have to go home lonely. I have been cheated by married men, promiscuous men and flirtatious men, and everytime I thought of my past I feel like I am just wasting my time going thru the process again and again. Its tiring searching for the right one. >.<

Of course, I love to get compliments fr random ppl (who doesn't?) but I crave having a stable, quiet r/s more, a r/s where we can laugh and converse from the sunrise till dusk, without any suspicions on each other because we trust each other so well that no third party can penetrate into our bond. Maybe I am talking rubbish but still its an aspiration for me.

I want a bf MADLY

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Edited April 22, 2012 by stylishvicky

[tic-toc]

Feel free to express yourself anyway you want.

But also bear in mind that most ppl agree their best years are in their 30s. So for you guys, the best is yet to come.

[Friendly]

Reading all the above,somehow i still don believe that a 22 consider not bad looking can feel lonely..perhap its because he is worry about getting old.. or perhaps he choose only what he likes or only those he interested to be his friends..perhaps he is too busy in his present NS that he does not know how to manage his time or too tired because of all the training he is having in NS.. There is so many reasons and i believe its all personal reasons..

After he finished his NS i am sure it will be a difference story.. I am above 40 and i am still learning and experience new things all most everyday.. Life is such that its you who wants to choose what to do or what you want.. All right maybe i am lucky..but i only believe half of that.. all it matters is how you want to spent your time with.. I don have a bf/gf but when i was really upset last week i cried on the shoulder of a 22. All the people i made friends with we kind of draw a line.. Some i have sex with, others its just friends. I am sure when you -22yo- gets older you will find that life is great. The support you will get is how you look upon the people you meet and spent time with in your daily life.. Cheers..

[Friendly]

Please do not post ad on the Main forum.

22yo Guest, stop whining about being lonely and friendless.

Please register as a member so that others can PM you.

I second that... i did not even know he is not a member.. another reason why he is lonely..lor..

[briax]

When I was 22yo, i was miserable because i was scrawny, face covered with acne, hated army, noone took me seriously, i took myself too seriously and thought that i was the coolest guy by being emo when noone gives a hoot on my emoness. And tried to dress 10 years older.

At 35, i feel more at peace with myself, took myself less seriously because I also do not give a damn on how people see me, when I know they are taking my words more seriously and I know I done my best.

I dun need to pretend I am older or younger cos i m just my age. i know some think i am attractive while many others think i am just common looking. i eat all i want and just need to know that i dun need any more compliments for self validation. I also dun need a school of friends because people around me are those who matter to me. There are many times I m alone but I m not lonely.

I dun think aging equals to getting less attractive or more lonely. Definition of attractiveness evolve accordingly to the people you really want to attract and as you aged. And that has nothing to do with "compromising" on your requirement. You simply change as a person. For example, I find guys who can wear skinny jeans sexy because I can never wear them, but do I want to date them? No.

At the end of the day, just be comfortable in your own skin, you did not come to this world to please everyone. That is way too tiring.

[derryfawne]

I agree with most posters. Go out and make aj friends (and I don't neccessarily mean clubbing) instead of just sitting and waiting for the Prince Charming; you'll never know who you get to know as you expand your network. And even if you don't find that special person right away, it doesn't matter 'cause the process helps to shape you as a person too.

And my experience with dating sites and apps have more often been more frustrating than going through network of friend's friend's friend's friend, although there might be occasional pleasant surprises through these dating sites/apps. But still, don't depend on it.

P.S: I'm 22, 170 58 and I am currently serving the nation.

When I was 13, I used to think that guys in their sweet 17s are the cutest.

When I hit 17, I thought people in their early 20s look best.

Now that I'm 21, I have a real liking towards guys in their late 20s to early 30s.

Nowadays, when I look at guys aged 17-20, they don't even catch my attention that much unless they are really attractive.

I don't know if I'm the odd one out, but if I'm not, I guess both age and personal taste mature; and in that case, I guess you don't have to worry too much about aging. And 22 is really really young, don't think too much.

(Although I would not rule out that perhaps there's a limit to when age will eventually catch up, and the physical attractiveness curve will inevitably come down. But by then, perhaps we already have other more important qualities to look for as criteria to choose our partner.)

And last but not least, I understand that the superficial aspects of the aj circle is quite apparent, but I've seen that there are many many of us who are sincerely looking for a relationship (it's just that they are not as 'loud' or blatantly approach one another as compared to their fun-seeking counterparts). Don't give up, but don't strive too hard for it too.

And don't waste yourself just to get into a relationship. It probably works if you are interested for a good fun time, just to get yourself a little wasted. But I'd rather be single than getting myself into a bad/destructive relationship. Not that being single is bad, by the way. It's not.

Edited April 21, 2012 by derryfawne

[Guest Guest]

When I was 13, I used to think that guys in their sweet 17s are the cutest.

When I hit 17, I thought people in their early 20s look best.

Now that I'm 21, I have a real liking towards guys in their late 20s to early 30s.

Nowadays, when I look at guys aged 17-20, they don't even catch my attention that much unless they are really attractive.

it means u prefer older guys.

[derryfawne]

it means u prefer older guys.

Which essentially means that older guys can be perceived as attractive even by younger guys?

[GachiMuchi]

-.-!! Tats not an ad....0.o

With a whiny sob story followed by "I want a bf MADLY" and then a pic of you. You call that not an Ad?

I can't understand why a good looking youngster like yourself and maybe a not so 'good looking' guy like 'Guest 22yo' bemoans about their loneliness.

Apparently what you want and what your ex bfs wants are different. That means you guys are incompatible. Get over it.

If love should happen to you it would and no force in the world would prevent it. Even if it happens, if you guys are not meant to be, it will not meant to me.

So, give urself a break and chill. There is no hurry to get attached and love will come when it comes.

[Guest Number killers]

Which essentially means that older guys can be perceived as attractive even by younger guys?

Probably, the mentality that older guys are mostly "sugar daddy"?

I seriously don't think age has any issues of getting a relationship. It has became a trend that people think age is the culprit of not getting the love ones.

Personally, I feel charisma and chemistry are the best draw. Besides, I prefer a healthy looking matured man than a sickly ailed youngster as my buddy.

[Guest Ironrod]

The only disturbing thought abt this posting is TS feels he need not keep his chastity for his "Mr Right" becos everyone is fxxking around so he should too becos since he can't find a bf and life is boring........(yes I am 40 but I can understand u TS)

That was a WTF moment for me.

I realize these days young ppl think way too much. Must wait for ppl to msg? Must wait for ppl to say u cute!?! Must have strangers MSG u!?! Omg are u a princess?

I am a cheeky dude sometimes I hug my friends or kiss them even when I am in that romantic moment. I don't wait, or think, or consider much as I goes with the flow. Yeah right, some ppl may think I like to eat their "tou fu" but I don't give a hoot.

But unlike Mr Whale , I am that type that want it all or nothing at all.

So know thyself, and start the ball rolling but never fxxk around for some warm becos u will feel emptier after that.

[derryfawne]

Probably, the mentality that older guys are mostly "sugar daddy"?

I seriously don't think age has any issues of getting a relationship. It has became a trend that people think age is the culprit of not getting the love ones.

Personally, I feel charisma and chemistry are the best draw. Besides, I prefer a healthy looking matured man than a sickly ailed youngster as my buddy.

I beg to disagree with the 'sugar daddy' part; not everyone thinks that way. But thumbs up to the bolded part.

Age and youthfulness adds up to the equation, but they can get overrated sometimes. It's not the only thing that matters, it is just one of the many human facets.

And sometimes I don't understand why the most superficial aspects such as age and youthfulness are highlighted in BW threads about the search of true companionship. The last thing I want is to be in a relationship where my partner wants me because I still look young. Because youthfulness won't stay with me forever, and if that's a significant reason why he's with me, he probably won't stay with me forever either.

But do make the most out of your life while you still have the youthfulness. Make lots of good friends, churn some good fortunes, achieve things... you'll need all these when you no longer have the energy to start finding them.

[abang]

Patience is needed as relationship does not come instantly.

Dont expect something to work out just because the sex was good.

TS, take your time to find out that there are more interesting things to do in the local gay scene,

Are you going to college after NS?

Perhaps, you will meet like-minded people then.

[budongbudong]

I think that it is more important to have good AJ friends and possibly a clique, preferentially without any couples in the clique. Ones who you know will stand by you when you need them and vice versa, hang out once/twice/thrice a week in a variety of activities from playing, exercising to studying, without getting sick of seeing each other and enjoying each others' company/laughter/crap. Appreciate them. Nothing sexual. Life is awesome and you may feel that you don't need a BF so much. Not easy but, try Open up. Bring together friends you think can click together. Similarity in background and mindset may play an important role though.

[Guest 22yo]

Thanks a lot for sharing all these valuable experiences and thoughts. I am very surprise and in fact happy to know that there are Ajs like you all who bother to advise ppl like me.

I will continue to be myself and shall try to get to know more ppl to go through all the necessary process and learn from it.

To GM,

Thanks for your advice and sorry that my post seems to be some worthless lonely whining. If it wasn't me who is truly lost, i won't be finding the answers to my problems via net-surfing and here i am with lotsa valuable answers.

Once again, i really appreciate all the replies.

[Phil]

Wow so sad, I have none

Maybe that's why I am still in the closet...hahah

Are you sure?

If you could, you would just have to choose among lots of admirers on another thread...

But I know, you can't...

[Raywongx]

22guest and stylishvicky: all of us go through these feelings at some time or other and many of us are 'cheated' by others. It's up to us to move on and find a better partner. If we just keep feeling miserable, then the guys who've cheated us have 'won'. Both of you are young and seem cute: I wouldn't mind a relationship with either of you. So, don't beat yourself into a rut and cheer up! Pm me?

[juliet]

21 now and have had only one bf b4. After breaking up with him,I don't think of dating again. I am very picky and hard to find sb with similar personality. It is absolutely true that this aj circle demands much more than straight ones. Good looking, muscles specs, pleasant personality,outspoken,and the overwhelming list goes on. If you can't get a bf, honestly ask yourself where has gone wrong. Personally,I can't get becoz I am quite superficial and picky.

[gz69]

Yes being a gay in Spore can be lonely and frustrating if the gay wants to have long term relationships, wants his circle of gay friends. Spore does not accept gays openly and even the law forbids it but often closes an eye to what is happening so openly in the gay spas.

But being a gay does not make you different from the straights in terms of work, friends and enjoying life in Spore. It is more of a state of mind if you start to dwell on trying to be unique.

As for sex, it is your choice. Nothing wrong (to me at least) to be cruising in Spore and overseas, to have gay and straight friends. I am relaxed, happy to be where I am and what I am.

Just had another hot session with my massuer who is also a fren but not a bf.