gaycurious85 Posted June 17, 2011 Report Share Posted June 17, 2011 Read the news below. Ridiculous right? Because we already knew all people have equality since a long time ago.UN rights council considers gay rights resolutionGENEVA, June 17, 2011 (AFP) - The UN Human Rights Council will consider Friday a resolution that seeks equal rights for everyone regardless of their sexual orientation, which could mark "historic" progress for gay rights if adopted.A draft of the resolution "affirms that all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights and that everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms ... without distinction of any kind."It also commissions a study on discriminatory laws and violence against individuals based on their sexual orientation and gender identity."The adoption of the resolution will be historic as the first UN resolution devoted to addressing human rights violations based on sexual orientation and gender identity," said Peter Splinter, Amnesty International's representative at the UN."It will be very significant to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals in their struggle towards the full enjoyment of their human rights that such violations of their human rights are recognised at this high level," he added.Homosexuality is still illegal in 76 countries, according to Amnesty International. - Source: AFPwhy is it ridiculous? care to elaborate?btw, I think being gay is abnormal. I agree if they call it a disease. We should not be ashamed of being gay, but there is nothing to be proud of either. We are not normal and we are not harmful, just accept it lo.straights ppl discriminate gays due to 3 main reasons:1. Some men are afraid they will be turned gay if they are surrounded by gays. Therefore the more they're scared, the more they want gays to be eliminated2. gays are too promiscuous and they're afraid gays will spread the hiv around. this fact is true.3. straight ppl think of gays as another species, a minority and of lower level. Therefore they dont want gays to be successful. They want gays to be submissive, and they be the dominant species of human beings.it will never happen that straight will accept gays 100%. 70% and I'll call it a miracle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trevorcantona Posted June 17, 2011 Report Share Posted June 17, 2011 why is it ridiculous? care to elaborate?btw, I think being gay is abnormal. I agree if they call it a disease. We should not be ashamed of being gay, but there is nothing to be proud of either. We are not normal and we are not harmful, just accept it lo.straights ppl discriminate gays due to 3 main reasons:1. Some men are afraid they will be turned gay if they are surrounded by gays. Therefore the more they're scared, the more they want gays to be eliminated2. gays are too promiscuous and they're afraid gays will spread the hiv around. this fact is true.3. straight ppl think of gays as another species, a minority and of lower level. Therefore they dont want gays to be successful. They want gays to be submissive, and they be the dominant species of human beings.it will never happen that straight will accept gays 100%. 70% and I'll call it a miracle.i am afraid YOU are the disease. you need to be eliminated. YOU and YOU alone, the rest of us ajs, will be gloating over your death, happy that YOU will not be humiliating the rest of the community :yuk: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted June 17, 2011 Report Share Posted June 17, 2011 i am afraid YOU are the disease. you need to be eliminated. YOU and YOU alone, the rest of us ajs, will be gloating over your death, happy that YOU will not be humiliating the rest of the community :yuk:Cool down, guys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Featheric Posted June 18, 2011 Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 Read the news below. Ridiculous right? Because we already knew all people have equality since a long time ago.Knowing is insufficient. Clear definition is needed for people to understand.Believing is insufficient. Recognition is needed for people to see themselves in order to understand others.Thus it is not ridiculous. It is pointless to say we own what we do not have. We can believe we have it, but we don't. And if people don't recognize our rights, it is as if we do not have it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lol Posted June 18, 2011 Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 i am afraid YOU are the disease. you need to be eliminated. YOU and YOU alone, the rest of us ajs, will be gloating over your death, happy that YOU will not be humiliating the rest of the community :yuk:And you are a stupid moron. Do you even know why you are gay? Is it psychological or biological? Asking the world to understand and accept you while you yourself dont even know what you are. The world can exist without gays, but it cant without straights. Therefore, gays are not significant.Actually i dont care if you are straight or gay. If you contribute to the society, then you are a valuable human beings. And trevor, to me you're just a stupid shit who doesn't know a thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaycurious85 Posted July 2, 2011 Report Share Posted July 2, 2011 dont know there are how many gay marriage cases since it was legalised. and were there any divorce cases?so now you can get married. the question is, where to find the groom? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doncoin Posted July 2, 2011 Report Share Posted July 2, 2011 Well a whole new industry has sprouted out surrounding the whole gay marriage thing. Catering, flowers, suits (or dresses), entertainment, hotels etc.Overall it will be good for the economy for NYC. Although jokingly a girlfriend of mine said now she has booked her wedding space at least 5 years in advance first with all the gays now competing for locations. In the meanwhile, I am accepting indecent proposals until I receive a marriage proposal. Quote Love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger Posted July 3, 2011 Report Share Posted July 3, 2011 Well a whole new industry has sprouted out surrounding the whole gay marriage thing. Catering, flowers, suits (or dresses), entertainment, hotels etc.Overall it will be good for the economy for NYC. Although jokingly a girlfriend of mine said now she has booked her wedding space at least 5 years in advance first with all the gays now competing for locations. In the meanwhile, I am accepting indecent proposals until I receive a marriage proposal.Ya, its good to try out all the indecent proposals before hitched. More fun and practical that way. Why buy the cow when you can have free milk everyday, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jonty Posted July 3, 2011 Report Share Posted July 3, 2011 Wow... great news for everyone.. legal in new york. this will create a lot of attention and awareness for gay communities around the globe.and i guess other state will probably follow suit. hope more good news in near future.i hope someday i can find a man i love and he loves me and we get married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted July 3, 2011 Report Share Posted July 3, 2011 i hope sg can legalise same sex marriage so that i can find a rich old man and once he divorced me/passed on, i can have half or all of his assets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briax Posted July 5, 2011 Report Share Posted July 5, 2011 【這才是華人的為巴比祈禱】央視主播邱啟明在報導呂麗萍的反同言論報導後，少見的公開評論此事件，讓人動容。請耐心看到最後 ，下面是他所說的話:呂麗萍女士的反同性戀言論遭到社會如此猛烈抨擊，我想作為一個社會名人、有影響力的名人應該反思或者反省一下。我們尊重名人本身的信仰，甚至允許他們對事物有自己獨特的看法，但是這並不等於去認同一個具有社會影響力的公眾人物可以如此公開的兌一個對中國社會還有些"特殊"的群體去表達你的歧視。不用迴避，在我們周圍還有一部分人的取向和大部分人是不同的，但是他們也謂這個社會辛勤的付出著。同性戀和我們一樣，都有著在這個社會上生存和發展的權利，並且這樣的權利不應該受到哪怕是觀念上侵犯。我們想對同性戀人群說一聲，套用一句我們非常熟西說的話，我可以不認同你的生活方式，但我願意捍衛你不同於我的生活權利。 英文版翻譯We respect the faith of individual celebrities, and we allow them to have their own point of view on issues. But, that does not mean that we agree that a person of such influence should have the power to openly discriminate against certain communities in China.""There is no doubt," Qiu added, "that the sexual orientation of certain people in our midst are different from the rest of us. But they are also diligently contributing to society. Gay people, like us, have the right to exist and develop themselves in society, and this right should not be overtaken by any other concept." GachiMuchi, bitch and HendryTan 3 Quote Facebook.com/Bryan Choong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fortysumthing Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 I like the closing statement by the presenter. There are some topics that are taboo in China but homosexuality has long ago been NOT one of the topics as long as it is not being used to promote social dis-order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imseeker Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) http://showbiz.chinatimes.com/showbiz/110511/112011070500050.htmlCelebs such as 蔡康永, Stanley Kwan, Hebe of SHE, A-shin and Charlene Choi have condemned the remarks. China actress 宋丹丹 even told Sun Haiying to shut up.The Golden Horse committee is reconsidering its decision to invite the couple as guest presenters for 2011. The chairman Hou Hsiao Hsien said, "We cannot control their freedom of speech, but we do not support homophobic remarks. We shall defer our decision to invite them."LATEST!! Other celebs condemning the homophobic remarks include Pang Ho-cheung, Lynn Xiong, Mavis Fan and Elva Hsiao. Edited July 6, 2011 by imseeker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 I notice that there is this trend where some religious people only use the Bible to condemn the gays, but they never use the Bible to condemn other things that are going on in society openly.Am also surprised that China people are openly christian now and to the extend of verbally attacking others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fab Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 呂麗萍反同性戀 金馬緩邀頒獎2011-07-05 旺報 記者廖慧娟／台北報導 相關新聞 金馬影后呂麗萍與其夫婿孫海英在微博表達強烈「反同志」立場，引發兩岸三地演藝圈大震撼，蔡康永、導演關錦鵬、歌手Hebe、信、蔡卓妍等人先後反擊，大陸女星宋丹丹也跳出來要求孫海英「閉嘴」，並希望下一代比她的同輩們對同志更友善與包容；現在更傳出金馬獎恐暫緩邀請她擔任今年頒獎人的消息。 呂麗萍是去年的影后，照慣例，應擔任今年金馬獎最佳男演員獎的頒獎人，但因她在微博發表反同志的極端立場，金馬執委會主席侯孝賢表示：「金馬不能控制得主的發言，但不支持不認同任何歧視言論。關於邀請呂小姐來台頒獎一事，金馬會暫緩進行。」金馬執委會補充說，其實金馬獎頒獎典禮在11月底舉行，現在才7月初，這個爭議相信會有理想的解決方式。 轉發歧視言論微博 風波源起於呂麗萍6月26日在微博轉發馮偉牧師關於紐約州議會6月25日通過同性戀婚姻合法化提案的看法：「同性戀是罪。」並呼籲網友「弟兄姊妹轉起來！」至今已被轉發7千多次。 隨後呂麗萍還轉發該牧師另一則微博：「棄了女人順性的用處，慾火攻心，彼此貪戀，男和男行可羞恥的事，就在自己身上受這妄為當得的報應。」並稱「給力」。 這幾則微博先引發大陸數個同志團體撻伐，蔡康永在6月29日以支持同志團體的立場，在微博發表：「呂小姐，你仇視的同性戀，並不是受傷不會痛的抽象名詞，而是有血有肉的人呀！你此生合作過的劇組，提攜過你的媒體，看你戲給你獎的支持者，其中多少同志對你善意成全？不管信什麼教，光從做人最根本的道理來說，鼓吹仇視這許多成全過你的人，可以嗎？」 對於這次的事件，蔡康永表示，之所以發表這則微博不是個人心情的抒發，而是站在一個為弱勢團體發聲的立場。 兩岸三地藝人論戰 蔡康永的發言獲得逾10萬網友轉發，兩岸三地藝人熊黛林、蔡卓妍、彭浩翔、Hebe、范瑋琪、蕭亞軒等人也大力支持，並呼籲社會大眾對同志們抱持寬容態度。導演關錦鵬也在微博上表示：「我也是同志，但她是不是真的有必要往這個方向去批評？」港星杜汶澤與大陸的寧財神更在微博展開口水戰。 已出櫃的著名劇作家程青松則在微博回應：「在聯合國剛通過反對歧視同性戀的決議後，孫海英、呂麗萍是不是覺得應該刪除《紅樓夢》中的同性情節描述，是不是見到白先勇、蔡康永、關錦鵬、瑞奇馬丁，就要喊他們是罪人？見到在電影中扮演過同性戀角色的劉燁、秦昊、陳思成、胡軍、梁朝偉、吳君如、周慧敏，就要向他們問罪？李安的《斷背山》是不是應該全球禁映？」 相對於蔡康永敞開心胸討論此事的方式，孫海英、呂麗萍夫妻拒絕回應，孫海英表示：「別給人們以為我說點什麼都是炒作。請不願意來的，不要點擊我的微博。」 這並不是呂麗萍、孫海英夫婦第一次發表反同性戀言論，2007年兩人即曾公開聲稱「同性戀就是犯罪」，引發同志團體不滿和抗議，社會學家李銀河即痛批評這對夫妻「無知愚昧、沒有教養」。Totally agree with the last paragraph.What a moronic and ignorant couple. Quote 鍾意就好，理佢男定女 never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want. 结缘不结怨 解怨不解缘 After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say. 看穿不说穿 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imseeker Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) 呂麗萍's weibo:http://weibo.com/1997726860孫海英's weibo:http://weibo.com/1997641692 Edited July 6, 2011 by imseeker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imseeker Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 They are infamous in China... They previously equated homosexuality to theft, and boycotted Lee Ang's movies because he directed Brokeback Mountain.They also said they would rather watch Hollywood movies and won't waste their time to watch China movies. They said that even if bestselling director Feng Xiaogang approaches them, they would not agree.http://www.chinanews.com/yl/2011/07-06/3161034.shtml孙海英吕丽萍“高炮录”●放炮1：“演艺圈谁最虚伪，谁就最红！”背景：演完《霓虹灯下的哨兵》，电影《谁为梦想买单》未过审，孙海英宣布“退出”。语录：现在的演艺圈，谁最虚伪，谁就最红。有些人眼睛就盯着钱，学问却没有，一问三不知，整天假得要命。还有一些所谓的艺术家，在戏中只顾表现自己，打击报复别人，艺术家不成艺术家，算什么？整天在乎别人的看法，稍有批评就勃然大怒。●放炮2：同性恋就是犯罪，不看李安电影背景：孙海英和吕丽萍都认为同性恋与盗窃、偷情一样，都是“罪”。语录：孙海英——什么叫同性恋啊，什么叫双性恋啊？这都不是道德堕落、败坏可以形容的，简直是犯罪！这都是违背人性的，都是犯罪！李安得八次奥斯卡我也不看他的电影，因为他拍这个(《断背山》)。我不看他电影，你们都承认他是艺术家，我不承认他。吕丽萍——微博上转发一篇炮轰同性恋的文章，文章中某牧师以“羞耻”、“罪人”等词语描述同性恋，吕丽萍写下“给力”二字予以支持，并号召“弟兄姐妹转起来”。●放炮3：选秀选出来的尽是一堆垃圾！背景：孙海英南京参加新剧《霓虹灯下的哨兵》的发布会。语录：选秀，选出来的尽是一堆垃圾！你看现在的选秀，没有尺度，没有标准，忽悠年轻人参加。我本人在参加一个聚会时，就遇到了两个选秀冠军，长得像“土豆”一样矮，也是明星，也是偶像，什么都不会，只会哼几句听不懂的歌，这算什么？●放炮4：只看美国电影，不看《唐山大地震》背景：孙海英为吕丽萍的电影《玩酷青春》站台。语录：他们把票(《唐山大地震》)都送来了，我没时间去看，以后也不准备去。只看美国电影，至于中国电影，我百分之百地不看。冯小刚找我演戏肯定不去，我有我的价值。 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaterTenebrarum Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) Tsk Brian...at least in China, those making such comments are just celebrities. Here in SG, we had an MP who likened being gay to drinking through the nose...Yes, B it's me TBM. Had a fun time with you and Alex the other day. Am in Cambodia now, just helped out at a soup kitchen. Edited July 6, 2011 by PaterTenebrarum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BahHumbug! Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 【這才是華人的為巴比祈禱】央視主播邱啟明在報導呂麗萍的反同言論報導後，少見的公開評論此事件，讓人動容。請耐心看到最後 ，下面是他所說的話:呂麗萍女士的反同性戀言論遭到社會如此猛烈抨擊，我想作為一個社會名人、有影響力的名人應該反思或者反省一下。我們尊重名人本身的信仰，甚至允許他們對事物有自己獨特的看法，但是這並不等於去認同一個具有社會影響力的公眾人物可以如此公開的兌一個對中國社會還有些"特殊"的群體去表達你的歧視。不用迴避，在我們周圍還有一部分人的取向和大部分人是不同的，但是他們也謂這個社會辛勤的付出著。同性戀和我們一樣，都有著在這個社會上生存和發展的權利，並且這樣的權利不應該受到哪怕是觀念上侵犯。我們想對同性戀人群說一聲，套用一句我們非常熟西說的話，我可以不認同你的生活方式，但我願意捍衛你不同於我的生活權利。 英文版翻譯We respect the faith of individual celebrities, and we allow them to have their own point of view on issues. But, that does not mean that we agree that a person of such influence should have the power to openly discriminate against certain communities in China.""There is no doubt," Qiu added, "that the sexual orientation of certain people in our midst are different from the rest of us. But they are also diligently contributing to society. Gay people, like us, have the right to exist and develop themselves in society, and this right should not be overtaken by any other concept."Yeah they are a stinking narrow minded pair of morons. On a lighter note, anyone else found the news reader awesomely manly and handsome...SWOONS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imseeker Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 On a lighter note, anyone else found the news reader awesomely manly and handsome...SWOONS!Yah, I was just waiting for someone to say it, ha ha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelwings Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 Yah, I was just waiting for someone to say it, ha ha! 有智慧的男人是最有魅力的 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IanOh Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 they are very bad.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briax Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 I notice that there is this trend where some religious people only use the Bible to condemn the gays, but they never use the Bible to condemn other things that are going on in society openly.Am also surprised that China people are openly christian now and to the extend of verbally attacking others.Actually from my very limited observation of people who are religious, it is those who embraced their "new religion" who have rather limited information on anything, beyond their religious teaching. Their lives evolved around their new found faith. In China and a lot of East Asian societies, these 'new religions' are gaining grounds and are hijacking the brain of some followers. I sometimes look at it as "recolonisation". I have full respect for people who have faith in their lives because it is a part of their lives, but I have little respect to those who regurgitate what their leaders say (in this case re-tweet). I had some experiences talking to some religious people in Singapore (including Muslims) and they are open to have a balanced dialogue on homosexuality. The fact they acknowledged they do not understand homosexuality but not condemning it is sometimes refreshing. Quote Facebook.com/Bryan Choong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briax Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 (edited) - Edited July 7, 2011 by briax Quote Facebook.com/Bryan Choong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briax Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 (edited) - Edited July 7, 2011 by briax Quote Facebook.com/Bryan Choong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briax Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 Tsk Brian...at least in China, those making such comments are just celebrities. Here in SG, we had an MP who likened being gay to drinking through the nose...Yes, B it's me TBM. Had a fun time with you and Alex the other day. Am in Cambodia now, just helped out at a soup kitchen. lol, well. She was a NMP, so let's not give her too much credit. She is also the daughter of the lao zha bo who demands respect because she appears on page 30 something in a book. Send me the photos of you in the soup kitchen. Quote Facebook.com/Bryan Choong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imseeker Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 lol, well. She was a NMP, so let's not give her too much credit. She is also the daughter of the lao zha bo who demands respect because she appears on page 30 something in a book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imseeker Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 (edited) Dr. Li-Ann Thio: All About Her MotherBy David Lat We sometimes like to think of the figures we write about in these pages as characters in a novel. Viewed in this way, Dr. Li-ann Thio, the visiting NYU law professor who apparently isn’t a fan of gay rights, is one of the most compelling we’ve come across recently.We have a weakness for strong, outspoken Asian women — hi Mom! — and this description fits Dr. Thio to a T. Our only disappointment: Dr. Thio was whiny when attacked. (We agree with Professor Brian Leiter — playing the victim card was weak, Dr. Thio.)Now, meet an even more compelling character — one who wouldn’t have responded to a random IT guy by playing victim, but by treating him like Obama treated that fly. She’s the original Dr. Thio, who taught Thio the Younger everything she knows (e.g., that gay sex is evil).From a tipster:It looks like Dr. Thio’s mother — a former judge who inspired Li-ann Thio’s own rise in politics — was involved in some serious anti-gay drama this year, after battling what she saw as a conspiracy to generate a “generation of lesbians.”It all started with unrest over a screening of Spider Lilies, a lusty Taiwanese movie about an Internet cam girl [Ed. note: A cam girl? Like SexyLexus?] falling in love with another girl. The elder Dr. Thio, filled with the same heroic indignation as her daughter, filled with the same heroic indignation as her daughter, ended up locked out of a building after a failed takeover of a feminist organization.And the trailer for the movie is totally hot!Not surprisingly, given her staunch opposition to homosexuality, Dr. Thio Su Mien is also against abortion. A headline from Roll on Friday: “Leading Singaporean lawyer blames abortion for SARS.”The trouble began when the Association of Women for Action and Research (AWARE) hosted a screening of the movie. This, combined with statements in AWARE literature to the effect that “homosexuality is neutral” and “anal sex can be healthy,” did not go over well with Thio Su Mien.So Su Mien Thio orchestrated a coup, recruiting like-minded woman to join the group in droves. Her well-orchestrated, stealthy efforts resulted in new leaders being installed at AWARE. And even though Su Mien Thio was not one of the new leaders, it was clear to everyone that she was the power behind the throne.But Dr. S.M. Thio’s victory was short-lived. As reported by the Singapore Straits-Times, her minions were eventually thrown out of the leadership of AWARE. At an extraordinary general meeting (EGM) of the organization, Dr. Thio tried to speak, but “was booed by the large crowd at the EGM, and when she tried to explain that she was a Singapore woman pioneer.”It sounds like she needs a break from Singapore. Maybe she should spend the fall in New York, where she can crash at her daughter’s digs by NYU. It sounds like a great sitcom pitch: two homophobic female lawyers from Singapore spend a year living in Greenwich Village, where they learn to love the gays. Edited July 7, 2011 by imseeker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hehe Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 Tsk Briax...Had a fun time with you and Alex the other day.You mean you guys have threesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briax Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 You mean you guys have threesome. 你想太多了。 Quote Facebook.com/Bryan Choong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starbright Posted July 15, 2011 Report Share Posted July 15, 2011 After he left Tianjin last year, Zhang Xiaobai realized that homosexuals are not "rare birds."When he was still in primary school, Zhang (not his real name) found that he was attracted to boys. Particularly after each physical-education class, when he looked at the sweat-soaked back of a boy he liked, he felt dazed. The feeling got stronger when he entered high school and fell secretly amorous of a tall and strong classmate. He was always eager to approach him and became fascinated with the occasional moment of physical contact.That was in the mid-1990s, when the term homosexuality was far from ordinary in Chinese people's life. Zhang couldn't find anyone similar to him, and he thought he was strange. He couldn't tell his parents, sure that they wouldn't be able to understand. "I was trying to hide it from everybody. Nobody told me this is normal," Zhang recalls. "I felt like I was sick." After graduating from university, family and friends were enthusiastic to fix him up with a girl. He didn't know how to refuse and finally yielded to the pressure, marrying a girl his parents liked. He was hounded by feelings of guilt and inadequacy. "But if I can't possibly love her, I can at least try my best to be a good husband," he says he told himself. So as not to disappoint his parents, Zhang and his wife had a son right after being married.Each Valentine's Day and on their wedding anniversary, Zhang would buy his wife flowers and gifts, trying to compensate materially for his missing heart.Life went by. Nothing changed for more than 10 years. And then he started logging into the online world where gay Chinese interact. In some chat forums, people wanted to meet him, but he never accepted the invitation.In 2009 Zhang took a work trip to Beijing. One night, after leaving a bar, he saw another bar at the other side of the road. He has seen the name so many times in a forum, a "shrine" for homosexuals, like Dongdan Park, said to be the biggest gathering place in the world for gays. (See a brief history of international gay marriage.)He knew there were similar places back in Tianjin but thought it was too risky that he might bump into acquaintances in those spots.The next day, he went to the bar without letting his colleague know. The atmosphere was relaxed. Like at other bars, there were people trying to strike up conversation and flirting. For the first time in his 30 years of life, he was not denying his identity. He talked to all kinds of people from different professions. There were company employees, lawyers and a lot of media people.In comparison with the digital world, the live encounter with other gays was a shock to him. When he finished his mission and went back to Tianjin, he was determined to leave his job. He told his family he wanted to look for advancement in Beijing. Nobody understood why. He just told them, "I'm already 30-something. It will be too late if I don't think for myself."His wife stayed in Tianjin. They had gradually grown apart. She no longer demanded that he always come home. He made new acquaintances, and then found his lover, a designer in his 30s.This was the first love of his life. Like other couples, they went to films and chose which restaurants to go to after work. Though they kept separate places, Zhang was stable in his relations. He felt that he had found a new direction for his life. For the first time, he didn't feel so bad being gay. His friends and colleagues accepted him. He was finally completely relaxed.It went on in this way for about a year, until 2010. He felt he was no longer able to leave his boyfriend and went home to Tianjin less frequently. He decided it was time to tell his family. "I knew I had to be courageous," he says. "It was too difficult for me to continue with two emotions at the same time. I was prepared to break up with my family."After New Year's Day this year, Zhang invited his wife, his parents and his parents-in-law to dinner. He announced the truth near the end of the meal. The fathers didn't quite believe him, and everybody at the table was startled. Then his mother, who has a hypertension problem, fainted. His wife smacked his face and left. He later cried and knelt in front of his father beside the hospital bed of his mother, asking for forgiveness."It was really like a second-rate TV drama," he says. "The whole family was crying. I had never imagined that it would ever happen to me."Zhang's wife divorced him without hesitation and won full custody of their son. Relatives scolded him, saying he was irresponsible. He tries to compensate everybody with money. He gave his house to his ex-wife and pays to support his parents, the cost of coming out. Zhang's parents are still in a cold war with him: his mother won't speak to him. He worries that his son will suffer from being laughed at when his friends find out that his father is gay.Nevertheless, Zhang does not think his life is a tragedy and is relieved that at least now he is living according to his true identity. Every time he hears that some "comrade" plans to get married, he always tells them of his own experience: "Don't try to solve the problem by getting married. It will only hurt more people."Article from Time.com DoingMoar 1 Quote Heal the Past, Live the Present, Dream the Future Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abang Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 Well, I wish him well.It is not easy to be gay (especially in traditional families).I got it a little easier - my parents knew but remain quiet.When my dad passed away 16 years ago (1995), it was time to feel "bondless".I invited my widowed mom to stay with me - she sold her HDB flat.Perhaps if there are younger gay men out there, my advice to you- DONT RUSH (to bring your boyfriends home) - DONT TAKE DRASTIC/IMPULSIVE ACTIONS (like revealing your gay status at inappropriate moments)- GET A GOOD COLLEGE EDUCATION (thus be more financally capable)- LOVE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS (you need them when boyfriends betray!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superflawless Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 Reading this is like reading an alien life. I would never be cornered into a life which I do not want. I do not live my life based on what society wants me to do. Marry a woman, have kids, take care of the in-laws? Not in this life time.It's not as difficult as it seems.All you have to do is make the right choice. Listen to your heart.Not what others tell you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinkymale Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 Sound like my life unfold here... It's just that I have not make the move of coming out.... It certainly take great courage to it and I am sure my parent is not ready for this. I will also not want them to be too disappointed.. Too much at stake and will not wanna rock the boat.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 I met many married Chinese men in saunas in Spore and they have miserable 'married' lives.I could feel their longing when they were with me in private. Imagine there are millions of them, VERY SAD .Suddenly, feel so lucky living in Spore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest loneliness Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 oops, tat sounds exactly as wat i planned, but come to think of it the moral of the story that i perceive is tat, when u r unable to wrap the fire with paper, everything will burn down in blaze... need to think twice if i need to marry a woman, where there is no $!^*| in the future tat u sure u ain't hurt nobody... as i come from traditional family and dun bear to see my parents getting hurts and dissapointed... aiz... life itself is hard, reality is harsh.. by having different preference makes it even worse... dun wanna hurt anyone, but juz me myself only... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doncoin Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 (edited) as i come from traditional family and dun bear to see my parents getting hurts and dissapointed... aiz... life itself is hard, reality is harsh.. by having different preference makes it even worse... dun wanna hurt anyone, but juz me myself only... Here is the reality: Is true that we don't want to hurt or disappoint our parents, However we cannot control their emotions of feeling hurt or disappointment, or simply how they feel in general. They are responsible for themselves and their own emotions. You cannot live your life in lies just so to keep your parents or anyone else from feeling hurt or disappointed. It is your life to live, and you are not living your life for your parents. It is a choice. If you decide to be honest to your parents and come out, no doubt there will be consequences. Good or bad, it is up to both you and your parents to manage the hereafter. If your parents feel hurt and disappointed, it is up to them, not you, to deal with those emotions. Remember your parents have the choice to feel otherwise. They have the option to continue loving you as who you are, their son, or they can choose to dwell in misery. So reality can be as harsh as your parents and you choose to make it, or it can be as best as the family can do. Either way, it is a choice. And stop being altruistic. The "dun wanna hurt anyone, but juz me myself only..." stuff is crap, unless of course you enjoy the attention of being an emotional masochist. Edited July 16, 2011 by chelseasian Quote Love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starbright Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 Here is the reality: Is true that we don't want to hurt or disappoint our parents, However we cannot control their emotions of feeling hurt or disappointment, or simply how they feel in general. They are responsible for themselves and their own emotions. You cannot live your life in lies just so to keep your parents or anyone else from feeling hurt or disappointed. It is your life to live, and you are not living your life for your parents. It is a choice. If you decide to be honest to your parents and come out, no doubt there will be consequences. Good or bad, it is up to both you and your parents to manage the hereafter. If your parents feel hurt and disappointed, it is up to them, not you, to deal with those emotions. Remember your parents have the choice to feel otherwise. They have the option to continue loving you as who you are, their son, or they can choose to dwell in misery. So reality can be as harsh as your parents and you choose to make it, or it can be as best as the family can do. Either way, it is a choice. And stop being altruistic. The "dun wanna hurt anyone, but juz me myself only..." stuff is crap, unless of course you enjoy the attention of being an emotional masochist.While I agree with chelseasian that our parents are responsible for the choice they make with regards to accepting or rejecting our sexual orientation, I think the point that loneliness is trying to make is that we love our parents and we do not want to put them in the difficult position of having to make a choice, especially if they are now elderly and frail. While I am not out to my parents, I think instinctively they do know my sexual orientation. Can't be that you have a son already in his forties and still not attached. All the more if he dresses well or have a daily cleansing regime! I had made a conscious decision not to ever marry and despite attempts to match-make me in the past, have struck to the choice I make. My reason is very simple: If I can't love a woman with all my heart and make her happy, then I have no excuse for ruining her life, let alone bring children into the world.At the same time, I cultivate a circle of gay friends who can be there to help and support me in the life I have chosen to live.What is essential is striking a balance and living the best life you can, based on the choices you make. Quote Heal the Past, Live the Present, Dream the Future Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doncoin Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 While I agree with chelseasian that our parents are responsible for the choice they make with regards to accepting or rejecting our sexual orientation, I think the point that loneliness is trying to make is that we love our parents and we do not want to put them in the difficult position of having to make a choice, especially if they are now elderly and frail. It is ok to disagree. Isn't that what the forum is about? Yes, I suppose part of loving our parents is to shield them from the truth, protect them from ever knowing who we are, so that we do not risk their rejection and having them to deal with disappointment etc. It is unfortunate I think, having to lie to them as part of loving them. It makes me wonder at what point does the lying stop?Life is filled with difficult choices. At the end of it all, it is still a choice. Quote Love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BJ Lao Wai Posted July 17, 2011 Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 Interesting to read these stories and see how people deal with these difficult issues; my Chinese partner and I have been together for nearly 10 years now and he has dealt with things in a very Chinese way; I know his family well and they are very good and kind to me; he has never made the nature of our relationship explicit to them, although he thinks about doing so with his sisters - who probably have intuited the situation anyway. He has already done so with his close friends and this has been trouble-free and rewarding. Of course what makes a crucial difference is the fact that we live in Beijing and he has been living away from his hometown in southern China since the late 80's. To me as a westerner living in China, while coming out may seem emotionally important, it is not something that's black and white and it has to be handled in a culturally appropriate way, in order not to wreak the kind of havoc portrayed in the Time story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abang Posted July 17, 2011 Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 Yes my parents had no problem with GWM-boyfriends.Some 20 years ago, my mother volunteered to bring one of my Australian ex to see the local Chinatown was a step forward. My dad was so kind to offer cigarettes to him and the other men in my life during the early 90s.So sometimes it boils down to communication and tolerance. I believe, in my case, the type of boyfriends I had shown to my parents made a major difference.The clean-cut Tom Hanks type is safest - the lawyers, the accountants = instant approval. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ding dong Posted July 17, 2011 Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 (edited) After he left Tianjin last year, Zhang Xiaobai realized that homosexuals are not "rare birds."When he was still in primary school, Zhang (not his real name) found that he was attracted to boys. Particularly after each physical-education class, when he looked at the sweat-soaked back of a boy he liked, he felt dazed. The feeling got stronger when he entered high school and fell secretly amorous of a tall and strong classmate. He was always eager to approach him and became fascinated with the occasional moment of physical contact.That was in the mid-1990s, when the term homosexuality was far from ordinary in Chinese people's life. Zhang couldn't find anyone similar to him, and he thought he was strange. He couldn't tell his parents, sure that they wouldn't be able to understand. "I was trying to hide it from everybody. Nobody told me this is normal," Zhang recalls. "I felt like I was sick." ........................................"It was really like a second-rate TV drama," he says. "The whole family was crying. I had never imagined that it would ever happen to me."Article from Time.comi dont understand what the fuss is about .........this story is relevant to situations [ allowing for cultural variances ] whether in london , paris , new york or devon , provence and kentucky .......ditto in shizuoka , taree & deep puglia.......why pick on bejing and poor mr "Zhang" ?>?????thats the prevailing cultural norm and will be so for a long while yet....WORLDWIDE !!the gay liberation movement is a western driven jihad and they choose to laughably teach the thais about gay rights ......ild say those gay parades are more for self promotion and for the amusement of passerbys than anything else......dont want this to be some comment about the pros and cons about gay lib but i think there is a huge difference between the western approach vs the asian the latter being more subtle and not confrontational and dramatic..but.this is also true in the more conservative parts of the world [ the west too ].......why TIME chooses to publish this reflects more of Time Mag's agenda which is to keep bringing out as many what they think are negative issues on china as they can....basically china bashing... and pushing the so called western "liberal" and "democratic" ways .......but i guess it cannot be helped as quite often their stories are written and "RESEARCHED " by so called "china hands" or asian hands ...read " people who thinks they knows china and asia inside out ...." these very experts think they live and breathe amongst the locals but quite often is living at the end of the day an ADVENTURE....in an exotic land far from the humdrum of home and eventually returning to motherland when they have tasted exotica...but then at the same time imparting their ways of life and values...of course i am generalizing but not by muchBeijing and indeed many parts of China have and always had a thriving gay life and for a hell of a long time ....but the approach is different and thankfully refreshing .... homosexuality in china and asia is an issue thats been dealt with for many many years and there is a place for it ... there was equilibrium somewhere along the way but that was tilted over most probably by the colonial powers ...dont forget ..other than the few years prior to the british handing back HK to China .....homosexuality was against the law in HK....urban gays in beijing are a sophisticated lot and in many ways light years ahead of many cities in the world ....( not to mention stunningly gorgeous !!!... )..i use beijing as a barometer as so many people from all over the country congregate there...shame on you Time Mag. Edited July 17, 2011 by ding dong Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wtf Posted July 17, 2011 Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 i dont understand what the fuss is about .........this story is relevant to situations [ allowing for cultural variances ] whether in london , paris , new york or devon , provence and kentucky .......ditto in shizuoka , taree & deep puglia.......why pick on bejing and poor mr "Zhang" ?>?????thats the prevailing cultural norm and will be so for a long while yet....WORLDWIDE !!the gay liberation movement is a western driven jihad and they choose to laughably teach the thais about gay rights ......ild say those gay parades are more for self promotion and for the amusement of passerbys than anything else......dont want this to be some comment about the pros and cons about gay lib but i think there is a huge difference between the western approach vs the asian the latter being more subtle and not confrontational and dramatic..but.this is also true in the more conservative parts of the world [ the west too ].......why TIME chooses to publish this reflects more of Time Mag's agenda which is to keep bringing out as many what they think are negative issues on china as they can....basically china bashing... and pushing the so called western "liberal" and "democratic" ways ....dude, wheres the china bashing? gay liberation has to start somewhere. someone is doing it, and the story happens to revolve around a china guy. So you are saying u will only be happy if they tell the story such that it involved a western family? I'll bet the impact isnt as great if its a western family since as u have said, they are being thought of as more liberal then other parts of the world. Jeez Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ding dong Posted July 18, 2011 Report Share Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) dude, wheres the china bashing? gay liberation has to start somewhere. someone is doing it, and the story happens to revolve around a china guy. So you are saying u will only be happy if they tell the story such that it involved a western family? I'll bet the impact isnt as great if its a western family since as u have said, they are being thought of as more liberal then other parts of the world. Jeez what i am saying is that the story by Time Mag could be anywhere in the world INCLD the WESTERN countries ........and Time by choosing to highlight this very difficult matter is very consistant to its [ of course unofficial and of course hard to pin point ] agenda of what is essentially china bashing.......if they had chosen to carry this story by incld similar tales of what happens eg in conservative circles in the USA ....it would have been different and more holistic take.and i dont think i said anything about the west being more liberal than the other parts of the world - i think there are even larger groupings of very conservative thinking westerners than in asia - BUT when it comes to so called gay lib - i'ld say let the west achieve full gay liberation first before sharing their values in ASIA ...in fact that the very point.... ASIA can and have been dealing with this issue of homosexuality on its own THANK YOU VERY MUCH .....JEEEEEZZEEE..........Dude. Edited July 18, 2011 by ding dong Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deceptiveeyes.deceivingminds Posted July 25, 2011 Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 Saw these beautiful pictures and felt wonderful to know and to see gay men and women coming together to commit a life together.My linkMy linkIt is indeed a good time for us to rejoice and to join our voices to wish all our brothers and sisters in their union!It is beautiful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zcbm101 Posted July 25, 2011 Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 beautiful indeed!And so nice to see so many couples still together or going through a new milestone when they are older. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doncoin Posted July 25, 2011 Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 Yeah was at a bar last night and there were 2 grooms there celebrating, and this afternoon, at the local lesbian hangout, saw 2 pairs of brides. Everyone cheered for them. I think it is sweet but now I've ran out of excuse to be unmarried. Quote Love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deceptiveeyes.deceivingminds Posted July 25, 2011 Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) I am especially touched by two of the more senior couples (two guys - one 70s & one 80s and two women with one needing a walker)!This is love! It is not just something for the young at heart, palpitating at the sight of a young body or a beautiful face but real love transcending beyond physical traits that are so transient. This is truly magnificent and heart-warming. Chelseasian - If you have no desire to get married, don't force yourself to do so. I'm sure your partner would understand and accept it if he truly loves you. Love doesn't translate to marriage as an ultimate goal or destination. For some, it is symbolic and important to be legally recognized as a married couple(especially if they are able to enjoy the tax reliefs and benefits just like a heterosexual couple), for some it means nothing. Most importantly do what fits you best. Edited July 25, 2011 by deceptiveeyes.deceivingminds Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doncoin Posted July 25, 2011 Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 Chelseasian - If you have no desire to get married, don't force yourself to do so. I'm sure your partner would understand and accept it if he truly loves you. Love doesn't translate to marriage as an ultimate goal or destination. For some, it is symbolic and important to be legally recognized as a married couple(especially if they are able to enjoy the tax reliefs and benefits just like a heterosexual couple), for some it means nothing. Most importantly do what fits you best. I am very single. Not in a hurry to settle down with anyone. Quote Love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 lesbian couple marry at Batu Pahat malaysia in asia .com news Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts