Second Best

[H2Ranger]

Already got the most stable partner for some time or some years even who strengthens you emotionally & also to a certain extent, financially. Although not the best looking up to one's personal liking, but he's truly a sincere & faithful partner (even to a certain degree, possessive of you).

Would u jump ship when you come across someone else who truly captures your heart (just like switching jobs)?

Should we settle for just a second best when we might have that ultimate one (in the unknown near/distant future)?

[castaway]

No-one can answer but yourself

[H2Ranger]

No-one can answer but yourself

Do understand that everyone ultimately has their own intuition & conclusion at the end of the day.

But still, the public voices & honest opinions do count & contribute throughout that process of arriving at one's decision.

[Guest Please Forgive Me]

What I am about to write is not directed at the threadstarter.

Indeed, it shows shallowness, and a great degree of selfishness, should anyone live his life to think that there is always someone better out there when he is already in that situation. To me, this person is very physical oriented, treating another human being like a toy. He feels good with nice things, proud with having good looking stuffs only because it is 'fresh-and-new' and gets tired when it no longer serves a purpose.

What has happened to the call for gratitude? Where has conscience been deployed?

Granted that we are a fickle-minded being but to treat another person, and particularly "the most stable partner for some time or some years even who strengthens you emotionally & also to a certain extent, financially" and to "jump ship" - wow, this is really despicable!

We change partners should there is a character incompatibility but we should not "jump ship" just because of another beauty. Question is, when we "jump ship" once - say, we thought at that moment we have found the "ultimate one", does it mean we are able to bring consciousness that we will never "jump ship" again in future. The mind of a fickle man often changes; and so will be his heart.

[Guest boy2man]

The above post applies equally well to those considering whether or not to change their jobs...

[fab]

IMHO, jobs and spouses are 2 different issues.

Its totally more acceptable to switch jobs than to switch spouses.

[oralb]

the 1st thoughts that came into my mind was, please dont be like Belle of Twilight. Her flicker minded caused the 2 guys and their immediate families a stand still.

[H2Ranger]

Do appreciate your opinion, honestly.

And to be honest, this situation was just a hypothetical example.

I've been pondering about accepting someone's love actually. He's been a good friend for 2 mths. In this case, I've been putting some deep thoughts about it and to a certain extent, you're right about me being fickle-minded.

This time, I will know what I'll do next.

Thank you for taking the time writing here.

What I am about to write is not directed at the threadstarter.

Indeed, it shows shallowness, and a great degree of selfishness, should anyone live his life to think that there is always someone better out there when he is already in that situation. To me, this person is very physical oriented, treating another human being like a toy. He feels good with nice things, proud with having good looking stuffs only because it is 'fresh-and-new' and gets tired when it no longer serves a purpose.

What has happened to the call for gratitude? Where has conscience been deployed?

Granted that we are a fickle-minded being but to treat another person, and particularly "the most stable partner for some time or some years even who strengthens you emotionally & also to a certain extent, financially" and to "jump ship" - wow, this is really despicable!

We change partners should there is a character incompatibility but we should not "jump ship" just because of another beauty. Question is, when we "jump ship" once - say, we thought at that moment we have found the "ultimate one", does it mean we are able to bring consciousness that we will never "jump ship" again in future. The mind of a fickle man often changes; and so will be his heart.

[Eragon]

i think most gay men settled for second best.

cos most of the time your number one is "unreachable" (does not apply when u r easily contented and does not set high standard when seeking a life partner)

so we also do eat out occassionally

it is sad but, brutal truth.

[H2Ranger]

If I often eat/snack outside, I'll be worried of 'potential' food poisoning & even loss of life.

It would be much safer (and also to a certain extent, cheaper) to enjoy a simple or at least edible home-cooked food from a genuinely sincere domestic cook/amateur chef.

i think most gay men settled for second best.

cos most of the time your number one is "unreachable" (does not apply when u r easily contented and does not set high standard when seeking a life partner)

so we also do eat out occassionally

it is sad but, brutal truth.

[castaway]

I still think it depends very much how deep your relationship and other things are ...

This not only happens in gay relationship but also straight one.

Look at it this point.

You are in a relationship with some1 for long time, but deep down in your heart, your mind, you still feel lack of something "X-factor" , you always question yourself if he is Mr.Right or due to time, the relationship fades away because both of you don't know how to renew or build it up ... being together just like something convenient, always there whenever you need ... more like friendship ...

So one day in your life, you met some1 who can change your life, your thought, your boring daily life, who burn something in your heart, your soul ... and may be you have the feeling that he might be your Mr.Right ...

Then you should start asking this kind of question : Will you risk everything you have now and leave for your Mr.Right ? (not talking about ONS) ... how big is your temptation ?

I think now, it really depends on you and each person's characteristics, background and culture....

Some will but some won't ...

There are so many stories in life and movies talking about this situation ... and I am sure when you are interviewed this question face to face, you didn't dare to answer truly.

That's one of reasons I like the game show "The Moment of Truth", you can't lie what you are hiding in your mind ...

In the show, many husbands and wife have been living together for more than 10 years, having many kids but when they were asked if you think your husband is the one you want to live until end of you life ... surprisingly answer "No"

There is no right or wrong in each decision, it is just the way how you look at it.

[briax]

There will always be someone better out there for you. The question is if you are able to settle down and build your life with the one you are already spending a good and bad part with. Nothing is perfect in this world and you will never be able to find someone who fit your list of criteria. A good friend is only good to remain as a friend. The whole dynamic changes when you are in a relationship with him. Expectations will also change.

You need to ask yourself if you are pursuing something else and that might be independent of who you are in a relationship with. Is it the yearning for something better not someone better. A better quality in your relationship, an improved communication, more colourful social life or more exciting sex life? These can be improved without changing your partner.

There will be a lot of temptations out there, unless you act on it, it is just in your thoughts. If you choose to act on it, then you need to prepare for the consequences, which might include end up with nothing.

[H2Ranger]

U r real good Castaway.

Truly, there've been many examples in our lives about everyone's endless dissatisfaction of their other half (including the best couple around). Not that I'm selfish, somehow it's indeed a reality check that there's no chemistry/X-factor but definitely we do appreciate each other's companionship & friendship support.

Life is indeed never perfect. And it's almost impossible that we ever find the 'perfect' one.

Maybe, we should just listen more to our heart & intuition. Is he or would he ever be the one? Being a committment freak also worsens the situation.

A better thing to do is perhaps to minimise regret & not wishing to turn back time somewhere in the future.

Glad that I'm at least seeing more seemingly loyal & romantic men couples in the gym that I go to.

I still think it depends very much how deep your relationship and other things are ...

This not only happens in gay relationship but also straight one.

Look at it this point.

You are in a relationship with some1 for long time, but deep down in your heart, your mind, you still feel lack of something "X-factor" , you always question yourself if he is Mr.Right or due to time, the relationship fades away because both of you don't know how to renew or build it up ... being together just like something convenient, always there whenever you need ... more like friendship ...

So one day in your life, you met some1 who can change your life, your thought, your boring daily life, who burn something in your heart, your soul ... and may be you have the feeling that he might be your Mr.Right ...

Then you should start asking this kind of question : Will you risk everything you have now and leave for your Mr.Right ? (not talking about ONS) ... how big is your temptation ?

I think now, it really depends on you and each person's characteristics, background and culture....

Some will but some won't ...

There are so many stories in life and movies talking about this situation ... and I am sure when you are interviewed this question face to face, you didn't dare to answer truly.

That's one of reasons I like the game show "The Moment of Truth", you can't lie what you are hiding in your mind ...

In the show, many husbands and wife have been living together for more than 10 years, having many kids but when they were asked if you think your husband is the one you want to live until end of you life ... surprisingly answer "No"

There is no right or wrong in each decision, it is just the way how you look at it.

[cock brand]

Yeah, its sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along!

But please also remember that "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"! (pun intended)

Listen to the lyrics, this song says it all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnS3R25GfgI

[Rotaredom]

Already got the most stable partner for some time or some years even who strengthens you emotionally & also to a certain extent, financially. Although not the best looking up to one's personal liking, but he's truly a sincere & faithful partner (even to a certain degree, possessive of you).

Would u jump ship when you come across someone else who truly captures your heart (just like switching jobs)?

Should we settle for just a second best when we might have that ultimate one (in the unknown near/distant future)?

This is a tough one dude... hmmm.. Jus tell your first one,"" I still really luv you and appreciate all the time together ..and whatever support...blar blar blar..""But..i also luv No.2... hope you can understand, my No.1. So complicated...cut it short...""I luv you but i am sleeping with another man"" slap slap.

[H2Ranger]

Of course, everybody yearns for someone better, but the reality could be worse. And it's always good to step out of our comfort zone & take a risk once in awhile.

Still, we'll learn & grow along the way, just like any other life's situations.

Indeed, it's a whole learning process to appreciate someone & see his/her positive sides. And it's another thing to be truly attracted to a beautiful soul.

There will always be someone better out there for you. The question is if you are able to settle down and build your life with the one you are already spending a good and bad part with. Nothing is perfect in this world and you will never be able to find someone who fit your list of criteria. A good friend is only good to remain as a friend. The whole dynamic changes when you are in a relationship with him. Expectations will also change.

You need to ask yourself if you are pursuing something else and that might be independent of who you are in a relationship with. Is it the yearning for something better not someone better. A better quality in your relationship, an improved communication, more colourful social life or more exciting sex life? These can be improved without changing your partner.

There will be a lot of temptations out there, unless you act on it, it is just in your thoughts. If you choose to act on it, then you need to prepare for the consequences, which might include end up with nothing.

[H2Ranger]

Ha ha, I know & understand the real excuse here.

Yeah, sometimes a man's change of heart & his fickle mind could be the most deadly invisible weapon of destruction on this earth...between two hearts I mean.

This is a tough one dude... hmmm.. Jus tell your first one,"" I still really luv you and appreciate all the time together ..and whatever support...blar blar blar..""But..i also luv No.2... hope you can understand, my No.1. So complicated...cut it short...""I luv you but i am sleeping with another man"" slap slap.

[Mandrake]

Let me borrow a straight term. Is divorce allowed?

If it is... is the reason acceptable?

If it is not acceptable... can you live with it?

Which way causes less pain in the long run without being untruthful.

Is this the first divorce?

If it is not? Is the reason the same?

We are all children and seekers of love.

We won't know till we try... and we do make mistakes.

The most important thing is to be truthful.

Given the scenario... the time frame is important. Years is quite a long time.

One should know rather quickly if the partner one is forming bonds with is what oneself is truly looking for. If he is only part of what you are looking for... have you made known that fact to him earlier when you discovered. Is the part he is missing... something he can achieve. It is important to let him know the risk he is taking. It is always a gamble... but distasteful if you are keeping extra cards. Or perhaps, your current partner is the one you are looking for... you just do not know now.

We often do not know if our dreams are realistic,

till we have experience our own strength and our own heart.

Are we strong enough to be truthful. Things we get beyond our strength of keeping the truth mandatorily brings pain to ourselves and others.

A wild heart... can't be asked to be tamed. It has to be tamed.

If not... it will forever be unhappy.

People change... we all do.

What is important is to share our change with people who is important to us, especially our partner. We have to progress in life together with the people who share their lives with us. Many people after being successful turn against their partner, claiming some other who are more intelligent, presentable and "same frequencies". It is our duty to tune the frequencies along the way in daily living with our partners. If they refuse to join our frequencies and they drift further and further away from us or was a different type right from the beginning... it is evident that it was not meant to be that kind union. It can't be a sudden realization out of meeting someone new.

If one is not the type to realize... then the mountain hoping will go on... and on...

If one is the realizing type but comes to maturity...

He will realize that there is always a higher mountain. Even if given them ultimate power...

When they finish comparing all the mountains on earth... do they want to compare with Jupiter? When they covered Jupiter... the highest mountain in the milky way galaxy... beyond our milky way galaxy... beyond our universe... in another dimension.... it will never end.

The heart must realize contentment in the things that is ours and given us to be truly happy.

Cherishing what that belongs to us brings us more happiness then seeking what better we can have. When it is time to let go of the things that do not belong to us... we have to let go. When the bond between you two is broken. Whose fault is it? Both? Whose more? Does it matter? The parting brings more happiness when two life can no longer come to agree a life together having all the cards revealed. Unless both are willing to accept a lie and pretend to be happy. Unless both are willing to be just half-living.

One can have the excuse of conquering mountains one after the next when he has not fully claimed one to be his own, in fear of making a mistake. His heart remains wild all the time. He is either young or forever young. =)

Edited July 7, 2010 by Mandrake

[Guest Mee Siam]

Dear H2Ranger,

Has it crossed your mind before that you might be the 2nd best to your other half?

How would you feel?

[Guest Mai Hum]

Dear H2Ranger,

Has it crossed your mind before that you might be the 2nd best to your other half?

How would you feel?

I think love is not for falling into. Love is the bond that is built and maintained over years of relationship. It waxes and wanes, and it is the constant effort of the lovers that keeps it going.

When you see someone attractive and 心动, that is only falling in "like", in "lust" . If you truly like someone and that special someone could be happier if you kept your distance, would you keep your distance?

[evianguy]

I am reminded of a passage from the Merchant of Venice

"You that choose not by the view,

Chance as fair and choose as true!

Since this fortune falls to you,

Be content and seek no new,

If you be well pleased with this

And hold your fortune for your bliss...

[H2Ranger]

Do understand your points, Mandrake.

Personally, I'm quite sceptical about true love, even among straight couple. There've been many real-life examples that made me think twice about marriage & partnership. Are there truly genuine ones?

As we grow as matured individuals, so are our perspectives & needs (relationship wise).

It's been just a few mths & not yrs for myself. As such, I'm also still learning about relationships (with men). I need to be more stringent & disciplined with myself & not just welcoming anyone in easily just like that (that is to be less accommodating).

I'm still doing some research honestly & despite the awful reality, I'm still trying to figure out what it means & how does it feel like to have a truly valuable & meaningful relationship with someone whom I truly love (not lust btw).

Thanks Mandrake.

Let me borrow a straight term. Is divorce allowed?

If it is... is the reason acceptable?

If it is not acceptable... can you live with it?

Which way causes less pain in the long run without being untruthful.

Is this the first divorce?

If it is not? Is the reason the same?

We are all children and seekers of love.

We won't know till we try... and we do make mistakes.

The most important thing is to be truthful.

Given the scenario... the time frame is important. Years is quite a long time.

One should know rather quickly if the partner one is forming bonds with is what oneself is truly looking for. If he is only part of what you are looking for... have you made known that fact to him earlier when you discovered. Is the part he is missing... something he can achieve. It is important to let him know the risk he is taking. It is always a gamble... but distasteful if you are keeping extra cards. Or perhaps, your current partner is the one you are looking for... you just do not know now.

We often do not know if our dreams are realistic,

till we have experience our own strength and our own heart.

Are we strong enough to be truthful. Things we get beyond our strength of keeping the truth mandatorily brings pain to ourselves and others.

A wild heart... can't be asked to be tamed. It has to be tamed.

If not... it will forever be unhappy.

People change... we all do.

What is important is to share our change with people who is important to us, especially our partner. We have to progress in life together with the people who share their lives with us. Many people after being successful turn against their partner, claiming some other who are more intelligent, presentable and "same frequencies". It is our duty to tune the frequencies along the way in daily living with our partners. If they refuse to join our frequencies and they drift further and further away from us or was a different type right from the beginning... it is evident that it was not meant to be that kind union. It can't be a sudden realization out of meeting someone new.

If one is not the type to realize... then the mountain hoping will go on... and on...

If one is the realizing type but comes to maturity...

He will realize that there is always a higher mountain. Even if given them ultimate power...

When they finish comparing all the mountains on earth... do they want to compare with Jupiter? When they covered Jupiter... the highest mountain in the milky way galaxy... beyond our milky way galaxy... beyond our universe... in another dimension.... it will never end.

The heart must realize contentment in the things that is ours and given us to be truly happy.

Cherishing what that belongs to us brings us more happiness then seeking what better we can have. When it is time to let go of the things that do not belong to us... we have to let go. When the bond between you two is broken. Whose fault is it? Both? Whose more? Does it matter? The parting brings more happiness when two life can no longer come to agree a life together having all the cards revealed. Unless both are willing to accept a lie and pretend to be happy. Unless both are willing to be just half-living.

One can have the excuse of conquering mountains one after the next when he has not fully claimed one to be his own, in fear of making a mistake. His heart remains wild all the time. He is either young or forever young. =)

[H2Ranger]

Ha ha, me? I might be. Hopefully I will be.

Because this will mean I have certainly found someone who is of much higher calibre as a potential partner. And I'd be glad to be just his 2nd best...

Dear H2Ranger,

Has it crossed your mind before that you might be the 2nd best to your other half?

How would you feel?

[The_North_Wind]

Can you change the title "2Nd Best" to "2Nd Better". Because you don't know someone in this planet is chosen as “the Ultimate Best" among them!

I’ve been shocked a little bit to read this topic. Since the most people out there can’t find someone sincere & faithful to love, to accompany. While you here are looking for the chance to “jump ship”. An interesting discussion about your current partner "the Best" (so far as you thought) and "jump ship" for “the 2nd Better".

There are 3 types of gay people:

1. Some people will meet someone and want to settle down (Most the straight people perform this way!)

2. Other some will want to play the field for a while before looking for someone to settle down with, after that they go on playing around. (Most of bisexual like this way. Trying to cover his secret, trick family, trick himself by getting married. Once gay means always gay... They can't hide everything. Matter is sooner or later. Once his kids discover that their Dad is gay... I really don't know what happens?)

3. The rest others will try to play the field all their life - until they realise they need someone special (This is the common case for the most of gay men)... and for many, sadly, when they are 40, 50, 60 years old... It's not a nice age to look for someone to settle down with, they don’t have enough time to build up a relationship... Poor uncles!

I have a friend. He is 25, his partner is 39. I don’t know whether there is chemistry/ x factor between them? I just know that they have ties and serious opinions for a relationship. They will try to live their lives, build up and fix their relationship with honour and courage as mature men. They try to have chances to spend time together as much as possible, they try to be together since one of them must go away on business overseas. His relationship goes on for 6 years. He told me that what they can do is building "companionship" step by step, day by day... It grows up in their hearts time by time. Sometimes they didn't talk more than 20 sentences for whole day but they always try to keep their partner beside. Just look at each other and know what their partner wants. They used to have some tough time ruining their relationship sometimes, though. Once time he told me that "if tomorrow never comes, he have nothing regret because he love and to be loved honestly and he knows what true love is". Personally, I envy with his relationship. I've been seeking more than 10 years but now I'm still "very single"... in the next 10 years you will experience my current feelings.

Most of straight people, they look for a partner, building up the family as a stable rear first to develop their careers, social relationships later. Contrary ideas: Most of gay men focus on looks, building up the body, takes advantage on their short term relationship first, looking for the stable partner to settle with later (later?? not sure when!).

In this gay world, character/ psychology of gay are often unstable... You're in a relationship but still looking for a chance to "jump ship", of course, equally that your current partner "the Best" is also looking for a chance like you to “jump ship”... I wonder how many weeks (days) you guys can hold a relationship. (Apply for the relationship status between you and the "2nd Better" after jumping ship also)

I don't think you will “jump ship” one time for the “2nd Better", it must be many times. Someone said "Once you find someone tall enough, he’ll think that you use the stilts, once you find someone intelligent enough, he’ll think that your conversation is boring...".

You are considering that you are confident/ wise... and be a smarter partner in a relationship? I feel pity for your current partner...

Some couple were asked (if they think their husband/wife is the one they want to live until end of their life ... surprisingly the answer is "No") but why didn’t they wait until they meet “2Nd Better”, why did they get married with the current partners (the Best so far), why didn’t they change their situations or look for someone else to “jump ship”... Simply that they know they have only "young age", once goes-never comes back. They can’t wait until 40, 50 years old for a dream partner. Nobody is perfect. They chose the current partner because they know they have only a life to live. They still hope about "the 2nd Better" but they don’t risk destroying the things in their hands.

In case if you are straight, after 20 years with your current wife "the Best" and had some kids, then you find “the 2nd Better", you will risk whatever you have in hands to “jump ship” by temptation. So how about your wife, the one used to be "the Best", and how about the kids... (Where are the conscience and gratefulness of a human?)

You took advantage and used your current partner as a stirrup to “switch” to the next partner? The question where is the loyalty and responsibility in relationships and commitments enclosed with undertakings?

Job is a tool for living. Love is not a tool but a necessary for heart/soul, for supporting each other in difficult situations, for long dark nights, for starvation raining days... You can't compare love with job!

Once you love someone by "brain", you don't understand the heart has its own theory. For this reason you don't love someone sincerely, you don't know what the true love is. And on the last days before leaving this Earth, you also don't know what exactly you have been looking for (Cash, 2nd better Condo, 2nd better Car... or 2nd better partner???)

Turn back to your case. If you think that this time to settle down the life with someone, then you should fight with others to get the sincere-faithful friend (“the Best” so far) to built up our relationship, I think that everybody has their own charms, the beautiful soul is what we are looking for. Trying to accompany and relax, don’t think so much, then let see what will happen. I bet you will feel the good things grow up in your heart. You should know that the opportunity never comes 2 times in life. In case, If you want to play the field for a while more, then for God’s sake, you should leave him alone, so that he can get chances from other decent guys. Please be honest with yourself and with others. Please live with responsibilities. After that you can “jump ship” or even “jump plane” many times with someone gym-fit, wealthy, pretty looks...you want! (But be careful)

In this gay world, looking for some fun/sex/one night stand is very easy these days ( I guess that you have got some experiences with these things, easy? right?). Looking for a good friend (at least a gym buddy, I mean a sincere-faithful friend) you can ask yourself, then you will have an answer: it's easy or difficult). Looking for a long term relationship (for some time, for years) is very very hard. Looking for Mr. Right/ someone perfect is impossible (only hopes or dreams) !

Edited July 19, 2010 by The_North_Wind

[castaway]

I think you look at gay people too "negative" ... and not totally correct as well.

Do you think your friend's relationship is relationship everybody here looking for ??? May be for you

"Sometimes they didn't talk more than 20 sentences for whole day but they always try to keep their partner beside. Just look at each other and know what their partner wants."

I better remain single than being in relationship with someone who I don't know what to say when looking at whole day and living together with him. I hope 20 sentences excluding the ones while having ... sex

[Guest Guest]

comfortable silence could be the true measure of how strong your relationship is....

not saying anything does not mean you don't know what to say...

[castaway]

It isn't the definition but just your or someone's preference

Edited July 8, 2010 by castaway

[Guest Peng Hui]

Already got the most stable partner for some time or some years even who strengthens you emotionally & also to a certain extent, financially. Although not the best looking up to one's personal liking, but he's truly a sincere & faithful partner (even to a certain degree, possessive of you).

Would u jump ship when you come across someone else who truly captures your heart (just like switching jobs)?

Should we settle for just a second best when we might have that ultimate one (in the unknown near/distant future)?

of course, you can settle for the second best. who can stop you?.. once you think that you can sleep well at night after that (a heartless guy!)

[Guest Albert]

Ha ha, me? I might be. Hopefully I will be.

Because this will mean I have certainly found someone who is of much higher calibre as a potential partner. And I'd be glad to be just his 2nd best...

wow, you is so proud to be chosen as his 2nd best... do you think that one near day, you will taste the bitterness when he "jump ship" again?

[Guest Lexca Ho]

love is something simple and come from heart. love is not for calculating heads. i guess you've never fallen in love before and i don't think that you can love someone sincerely in the future... by the way, how old are you guy?

[H2Ranger]

I know I'm often heartless when in relationships. It's not entirely my fault. The other party was just too eager. I'm in fact easy going.

This rather personal unfortunate situation could be good for some other types of people including yourself perhaps.

of course, you can settle for the second best. who can stop you?.. once you think that you can sleep well at night after that (a heartless guy!)

[H2Ranger]

Sure, would really like to feel how it was being treated as 2nd best. It could be a good learning experience for myself personally.

wow, you is so proud to be chosen as his 2nd best... do you think that one near day, you will taste the bitterness when he "jump ship" again?

[Guest Albert]

Sure, would really like to feel how it was being treated as 2nd best. It could be a good learning experience for myself personally.

Can you answer me these questions:

1. Are you still considering that you’re a honest/decent guy?

2. Do you dare to tell your current partner that you’re looking for the 2nd Best? (or you’re only doing it behind him while taking advantage of him?)

[The_North_Wind]

I think you look at gay people too "negative" ... and not totally correct as well.

Do you think your friend's relationship is relationship everybody here looking for ??? May be for you

"Sometimes they didn't talk more than 20 sentences for whole day but they always try to keep their partner beside. Just look at each other and know what their partner wants."

I better remain single than being in relationship with someone who I don't know what to say when looking at whole day and living together with him. I hope 20 sentences excluding the ones while having ... sex

Hi Castaway!

Please pay a attention about topic "using the current partner while looking for someone else better to jump ship". As I know that you’re the first person commented for this topic but other people don't know your opinion at all. Agree or disagree?

Someone said “There is no such thing as right and wrong, there's just popular opinion”. I didn’t stop the thread starter seeking for another better to jump ship since I know we have different cultures. Some people go to sauna looking for sex, one night stand, go to gym, swimming pool for cruising... or someone once they are successful they go against their current partner and "jump ship" and let their current bf, their gf, their wife, their husband, their kids behind... It’s not a big deal to them. It's just a common issue. But it is impossible/ prohibitive and disgusted to me.

I always live with loyalty and responsibility. I still hope to find my partner, still believe in true love. If I love again, I’ll love by heart as my first love. I still believe that somewhere out there someone special waiting for me also. (If there are terrible bad guys, also there are wonderful good guys). Who tells that I thought "negative" and “incorrect” about this world which I am a part?

[castaway]

I always live with loyalty and responsibility. I still hope to find my partner, still believe in true love. If I love again, I’ll love by heart as my first love. I still believe that somewhere out there someone special waiting for me also. (If there are terrible bad guys, also there are wonderful good guys). Who tells that I thought "negative" and “incorrect” about this world which I am a part?

I think we should date

I said you look at gay people too "negative" because :

1. Some people will meet someone and want to settle down (Most the straight people perform this way!)

I think many (almost) gay people also like this but then what is your definition of settle down ? Close or open relationship ??? It is totally different for me ...

2. Other some will want to play the field for a while before looking for someone to settle down with, after that they go on playing around ...

I think may be they haven't found the right person to settle down yet ??? I don't like idea to drag bi- here because for me, they just need sex ...

3. The rest others will try to play the field all their life - until they realise they need someone special (This is the common case for the most of gay men)... and for many, sadly, when they are 40, 50, 60 years old... It's not a nice age to look for someone to settle down with, they don’t have enough time to build up a relationship... Poor uncles!

This is when I wanted to say you look soo "negative" on gay people.

Just put yourself in this case, if you can't find the man who you want to settle down after many years ... and you just reach 40, will you belong to this Group 3 ???

And above all, you gave not a good example to persuade ... me

When I commented on this topic, I did not only based on "H2Ranger" ... because I don't know him, don't know his relationship and how much he loves his partner ... so I didn't advise him what to do instead of giving my opinion

I think, it is very easy to answer "NO jumping" if you still deeply in love with your partner, of course, there are millions people are much better outside but do you love them more than your partner ? Love is not just a moment but by time ...

But in case, the relationship between you and your current partner doesn't go well or x-factor, love ... doesn't exist anymore, what keeps you together just ... convenience ... will you take chance or risk it ????

To be honest, I don't know how to answer also, there is no correct answer here, it depends on yourself (cultures, background, education, characteristics, ...) because you are the only one can understand what is going on/inside your relationship.

Now you can say yes, but it can change when the "right" moment comes + also who is the 3rd one how can he make you change ???

I used to think the same as you but it changes after joining gay life and I am still learning about "gay life"

So may I ask you what will you do if one day you meet your Mr.Right who often "go to sauna looking for sex, one night stand, go to gym, swimming pool for cruising..." (of course he will stop doing it after being with you). Will it be still "impossible/ prohibitive and disgusted to me".

So don't feel sad/heavy feelings with my comments, you can agree or disagree, this is forum where everyone give their comments and this is always start with "I think" ...

Edited July 20, 2010 by castaway

[The_North_Wind]

Our relationships are broken because our characters/ personality are not compatible, maybe because of distance, mentality... or 1001 other reasons. Should It be broken since there is someone else better?

Once I'm in a relationship (sorry, an open relationship doesn't exist in my mind), I never try to go online or fool around with defense that “just look for friends”. I can love a call-boy/ prostitute, once I love someone I will love by my heart.... BUT I don’t live my life (and considering as a-good-man) to think that there is always someone better out there to “jump ship” or love someone because of finance.

Edited July 21, 2010 by The_North_Wind

[Guest Guest]

It isn't the definition but just your or someone's preference

I never said it was a definition did I? i am just giving a different perspective, just like how you give your own perspective that you cannot live with someone who does not say a lot.

"I better remain single than being in relationship with someone who I don't know what to say when looking at whole day and living together with him. I hope 20 sentences excluding the ones while having ... sex"

[Guest Betrayed]

Let me share my personal experience.

My partner (10 years younger than me) of almost 6 years finally left me without a word, i.e. we did even say "let's break off" face to face, via a phone call or sms. He started to spend lesser time with me since the 2nd half of last year, using excuses such as needing more time with family, relatives, friends and work, as in the past years most of his weekends were spent with me. Eventually, he started to avoid my calls and not responsive to my SMSes. Finally, in Mar this year, he totally stopped answering my calls and replying to my SMSes.

All these years when I was with him, we shared happy moments and both our parents knew our existence, although we were not out to them. He has my house key which allowed him to come to my place anytime he liked. He was also included in my family activities and vice versa. Throughout the years, I have helped him financially, including paying for his insurance premiums, course fees, bought him laptops (because he needed for his study and work), an OSIM head massager (because he complained of migraine), etc.

Never did i expect that he actually had an affair with a guy whom he claimed was just an MSN friend for some time, which we both decided to meet (thinking that we can expand our social circle) sometime in the 1st half of last year. Initially I suspected that their relationship was unusual and had in a few occasions asked my ex about their relationship. My ex always denied that there was anything between them except platonic friendship, and constantly assured me that he would not fall for anyone else regardless who the person was (rich or poor, handsome or otherwise) or what the person did. The reason was we have been together for so many years, gone through ups and downs, and were already used to one anothers companionship. Guess what, he is now attached with that guy, which I have to learn from someone else.

To make matters worse, I just found out 2 weeks ago that their affair actually started at least since Aug last year when I chanced upon some pictures of him and that guy taken on a tour in Vietnam in Aug last year, although I remembered him telling me he was on a business trip. He could have been honest with me that the guy was just a tagging along since he was free, if there was nothing unusual between the 2 of them. So he actually cheated me for more than 7 months.

The most hurtful part is, my ex actually still requested me to pay for his insurance premium and buy him the OSIM head massager this Feb, even though they are already being together secretly behind my back for 6 months.

Guess what, the guy is a few years younger than me, stays in a condo alone, drives an expensive car, and has bought a unit in Sentosa Cove.

[H2Ranger]

That's really bad!

In the future, please don't fall in love & commit so easily. Check your potential partner well too.

You must be really crazy about him. You need more balance in your future relationship & musn't be blinded by love too.

Let me share my personal experience.

My partner (10 years younger than me) of almost 6 years finally left me without a word, i.e. we did even say "let's break off" face to face, via a phone call or sms. He started to spend lesser time with me since the 2nd half of last year, using excuses such as needing more time with family, relatives, friends and work, as in the past years most of his weekends were spent with me. Eventually, he started to avoid my calls and not responsive to my SMSes. Finally, in Mar this year, he totally stopped answering my calls and replying to my SMSes.

All these years when I was with him, we shared happy moments and both our parents knew our existence, although we were not out to them. He has my house key which allowed him to come to my place anytime he liked. He was also included in my family activities and vice versa. Throughout the years, I have helped him financially, including paying for his insurance premiums, course fees, bought him laptops (because he needed for his study and work), an OSIM head massager (because he complained of migraine), etc.

Never did i expect that he actually had an affair with a guy whom he claimed was just an MSN friend for some time, which we both decided to meet (thinking that we can expand our social circle) sometime in the 1st half of last year. Initially I suspected that their relationship was unusual and had in a few occasions asked my ex about their relationship. My ex always denied that there was anything between them except platonic friendship, and constantly assured me that he would not fall for anyone else regardless who the person was (rich or poor, handsome or otherwise) or what the person did. The reason was we have been together for so many years, gone through ups and downs, and were already used to one anothers companionship. Guess what, he is now attached with that guy, which I have to learn from someone else.

To make matters worse, I just found out 2 weeks ago that their affair actually started at least since Aug last year when I chanced upon some pictures of him and that guy taken on a tour in Vietnam in Aug last year, although I remembered him telling me he was on a business trip. He could have been honest with me that the guy was just a tagging along since he was free, if there was nothing unusual between the 2 of them. So he actually cheated me for more than 7 months.

The most hurtful part is, my ex actually still requested me to pay for his insurance premium and buy him the OSIM head massager this Feb, even though they are already being together secretly behind my back for 6 months.

Guess what, the guy is a few years younger than me, stays in a condo alone, drives an expensive car, and has bought a unit in Sentosa Cove.

[The_North_Wind]

I really don't know what to say after hearing your story. Yeah, we're living in the gay world, and we must learn to find out "how many kind of deceitful guys in this world"

Your ex "jump ship"...maybe the guy "truly captures your ex's heart" (or your ex did just like switching to a higher income job)!

Please be peaceful for a while, focus on working, doing exercise... I hope that you will find other joys. Anyhow, you had happy moments, right? Please don't scold to "love" or disappoint with "love"....

P/s: When I say these words to you, I say it to myself also, we are in the same situation!

Let me share my personal experience.

My partner (10 years younger than me) of almost 6 years finally left me without a word, i.e. we did even say "let's break off" face to face, via a phone call or sms. He started to spend lesser time with me since the 2nd half of last year, using excuses such as needing more time with family, relatives, friends and work, as in the past years most of his weekends were spent with me. Eventually, he started to avoid my calls and not responsive to my SMSes. Finally, in Mar this year, he totally stopped answering my calls and replying to my SMSes.

All these years when I was with him, we shared happy moments and both our parents knew our existence, although we were not out to them. He has my house key which allowed him to come to my place anytime he liked. He was also included in my family activities and vice versa. Throughout the years, I have helped him financially, including paying for his insurance premiums, course fees, bought him laptops (because he needed for his study and work), an OSIM head massager (because he complained of migraine), etc.

Never did i expect that he actually had an affair with a guy whom he claimed was just an MSN friend for some time, which we both decided to meet (thinking that we can expand our social circle) sometime in the 1st half of last year. Initially I suspected that their relationship was unusual and had in a few occasions asked my ex about their relationship. My ex always denied that there was anything between them except platonic friendship, and constantly assured me that he would not fall for anyone else regardless who the person was (rich or poor, handsome or otherwise) or what the person did. The reason was we have been together for so many years, gone through ups and downs, and were already used to one anothers companionship. Guess what, he is now attached with that guy, which I have to learn from someone else.

To make matters worse, I just found out 2 weeks ago that their affair actually started at least since Aug last year when I chanced upon some pictures of him and that guy taken on a tour in Vietnam in Aug last year, although I remembered him telling me he was on a business trip. He could have been honest with me that the guy was just a tagging along since he was free, if there was nothing unusual between the 2 of them. So he actually cheated me for more than 7 months.

The most hurtful part is, my ex actually still requested me to pay for his insurance premium and buy him the OSIM head massager this Feb, even though they are already being together secretly behind my back for 6 months.

Guess what, the guy is a few years younger than me, stays in a condo alone, drives an expensive car, and has bought a unit in Sentosa Cove.

Edited July 21, 2010 by The_North_Wind

[Guest Albert]

How about your relationship? Are you the guy "H2Ranger" online on www.fridae.com right now? Found someone better to jump ship yet? Hey, please pass your current partner (the sincere/ faithful friend) to me once you find someone else better, ok? That is the kind of partner I'm looking for!

Can you answer me these questions:

1. Are you still considering that you’re a honest/decent guy?

2. Do you dare to tell your current partner that you’re looking for the 2nd Best? (or you’re only doing it behind him while taking advantage of him?)

[Guest crossroad]

How about your relationship? Are you the guy "H2Ranger" online on www.fridae.com right now? Found someone better to jump ship yet? Hey, please pass your current partner (the sincere/ faithful friend) to me once you find someone else better, ok? That is the kind of partner I'm looking for!

[H2Ranger]

Haven't had an official male partner yet this far, am still browsing around. And it's not easy to just pick & choose either.

As the same with personal items purchases, they've got to be useful, wearable, appealing & long-lasting. Thus, long-term careful considerations are much needed.

How about your relationship? Are you the guy "H2Ranger" online on www.fridae.com right now? Found someone better to jump ship yet? Hey, please pass your current partner (the sincere/ faithful friend) to me once you find someone else better, ok? That is the kind of partner I'm looking for!

[Guest crossroad]

hi TS,

i understand your predicaments. i am in a relationship for 6 years. i would say what you are feeling now is part and parcel of being in a relationship. there will always be temptations and near 'fatal' encounters along the way.

as people progress in relationships down the road, they start to understand one another more and more...and expectations of one another also changes in time.

there will be time when you will reach a stage whereby you will feel that the relationship is stagnant which i believe is how you are feeling right now.

you cannot really relate a relationship to jobs where you can choose to change it as you feel that you are unhappy with certain aspects or you want to look for a higher renumeration. its not all about you as there is also your other half who loves you unlike nobody is indispensible in a company. people come and go in a company, you may be missed for 1 week or 1 month but the company continues to function after that. whereas, if you choose to end a relationship, hurt, sadness and regret remains sometimes for a lifetime.

always think of how you can improve your relationship, especially now when it is stable. maybe go for a short trip? tell him that you love him(when was the last time you said this to him?). plan with him about the future...

we always like to take things for granted when we do not feel the pain and feeling of loss. imagine...your bf telling you tonight that he decided to break away from you because he has found someone else 'better' than you. how would you feel?

[Guest guest]

Haven't had an official male partner yet this far, am still browsing around. And it's not easy to just pick & choose either.

As the same with personal items purchases, they've got to be useful, wearable, appealing & long-lasting. Thus, long-term careful considerations are much needed.

You treat humans and living beings like objects for your personal gains, benefits...things that fit into your grand scheme to further your material progress.

Sadly, there is no love in you, inspite of spiritual insights you used to post here.

[Guest Lexca Ho]

Hey Albert, if you think that you're useful, wearable, appealing, long-lasting... you can also find this guy at http://www.trevvy.com/?h2ranger

How about your relationship? Are you the guy "H2Ranger" online on www.fridae.com right now? Found someone better to jump ship yet? Hey, please pass your current partner (the sincere/ faithful friend) to me once you find someone else better, ok? That is the kind of partner I'm looking for!

[Guest Albert]

hi Lexca, thanks for the link... I just checked it, but he's in "between jobs" so when he has a good job, then my heart will break apart huh?? (of course he'll give some excuse). You haven't read what he wrote above..."also to a certain extent, financially"

Hey Albert, if you think that you're useful, wearable, appealing, long-lasting... you can also find this guy at http://www.trevvy.com/?h2ranger

[Guest manliman]

Haven't had an official male partner yet this far, am still browsing around. And it's not easy to just pick & choose either.

As the same with personal items purchases, they've got to be useful, wearable, appealing & long-lasting. Thus, long-term careful considerations are much needed.

It is very difficult (near impossible) to find a perfect match.

What is more important is someone who can compliment you in most ways.

[H2Ranger]

Ha ha, you guys r so pathetically funny..

U think all the H2Rangers on other forums are created by the one same personality and for the same reason & at the same time??

You think I would be attracted to a goodlooking, masculine, & gay Ferrari driver?

There're a couple of people in this Forum who have seen me personally & you could ask them how I looked & how I spent my leisurely time during Weekdays afternoons strolling & shopping along Orchard rd before going into FF Paragon...ha ha..

You guys really have all the time in the world making others look bad. Please use your time more wisely in front of your own mirror. Ha ha, thanks guys for making me almost famous in this forum. Really appreciate your efforts this far.

hi Lexca, thanks for the link... I just checked it, but he's in "between jobs" so when he has a good job, then my heart will break apart huh?? (of course he'll give some excuse). You haven't read what he wrote above..."also to a certain extent, financially"

[Guest Lexca Ho]

Many people spent their time here to give some feedback for you... Do you think that they have nothing to do? and why? Simply they want you live as a good man, they would like you don’t follow other bad guys to do something wrong that makes you regret in the future.

I am just a guess but I’ve read your previous posts many times before, specially the post you shared with another about Buddhist scripture (because I am a Buddhist also). I appreciated about that but I felt disappointed completely when I saw you’ve showed what in your mind/ in your heart here by this topic. It made me sad when I saw the way you laugh so proudly if you are chosen as the 2nd Better (hey, do you care about the loser? Do you have any pity for them? And how do you think if your partner “jump ship” with someone better? (don’t tell me that you are the guy always jump ship first in all relationships you have!)

Well, I can tell your situation as following: You have a good friend now (a sincere/ faithful friend) for a few months, “who strengthens you emotionally & also to a certain extent, financially”. You have his supports these days, right?... “Even to a certain degree, possessive of you” (Don’t tell me that you never ask him to go the bed with you, sorry I don’t believe!) and now you are wondering yourself that you should accept his love (I know he love you but you are still considering and calculating). And you have two options: 1. Trying to pretend as you love him, to get his supports more and will “jump ship when you come across someone else who truly captures your heart (just like switching jobs)” 2. Need more time to “listen more to your heart & intuition. Is he or would he ever be the one”.

But I saw you are online everyday on Trevvy to try to make friends with others (What purpose? Take advantage of other people is a good way to live for a he-man?). Are you honest to let “your good friend” know that you are “still browsing around”? or fake excuse?

You read the feedbacks again, then you will see... some guys commented just like for fun, some guys thought carefully before posting something for you, some guys re-checked and edited their comments later. Some guys said 1 sentence, some guys said 1 paper. Some guys made you feel comfortable with your ideas, some guys make you angry (I belongs to this group)... You must choose which one is good/bad to learn from other people mistakes.

Maybe “personally, you’re quite sceptical about true love, even among straight couple. There've been many real-life examples that made you think twice about marriage & partnership”... You don’t believe in “true love” because you never fall in love before. Some “real example couple” are unsuccessful because of its own reason but they used to commit each other at the beginning time by “true love”.

If you don’t look for love, don’t believe in love, you are a selfish guy just searching someone sucking your cock or assist jerk-off then you should go the sauna/cubicle looking for someone has the same ideas for fun for sex for whatever you want. Please avoid to hurt someone here. Do you know that in some case the hurt, sadness remains for a life-time? (specially someone sensitive, sincere, faithful come from decent, good families)

I tried to make you angry because I want to test your character... let see the way you laugh, the way you attack back... I don’t think that you are a mature/ wise man. You are just like other trivial young guys...

No need to ask the couple to know more about you, since I am a real witness here. I knew you from Trevvy. I’ve chatted and meet you up in the person before. I knew how you looked like, Yes, your looks will cheat other people who has a nice heart... If you are brave to confirm that the link above is not belongs to you then I will post here the details we chatted for your reference. I know your name, your number, what do you do and even which country you come from...

Please remember that I’m not here to harm you, I’m here to help you know what love is, how to live as a good man. You think that you are intelligent/wise and other people in this country is foolish and stupid?

I have an offer for you now. Let me know “your sincere/ faithful friend” contact, I want to call him now, I don’t want him to be a victim of your “jump ship game”. Exchange of it. I will introduce 20 guys (gym-fit, rich, hot looks) that I know from my gym for you (Look back your threat: Gym & Swim Buddy/Sex In Tampines). You are very choosy, then I think “the sincere/ faithful friend” is above average level for me. That sort of men I’m looking for! I don’t need gym-fit/handsome/propertied guys. I’m talking seriously. Can make a deal now?

I think that everybody has nothing left to discuss here to help you because they just recognized that the thread starter is NOT honest at all... “how I spent my leisurely time during Weekdays afternoons strolling & shopping along Orchard rd” Really?. Once you can't be honest with yourself, how can you be honest with others??

Ha ha, you guys r so pathetically funny..

U think all the H2Rangers on other forums are created by the one same personality and for the same reason & at the same time??

You think I would be attracted to a goodlooking, masculine, & gay Ferrari driver?

There're a couple of people in this Forum who have seen me personally & you could ask them how I looked & how I spent my leisurely time during Weekdays afternoons strolling & shopping along Orchard rd before going into FF Paragon...ha ha..

You guys really have all the time in the world making others look bad. Please use your time more wisely in front of your own mirror. Ha ha, thanks guys for making me almost famous in this forum. Really appreciate your efforts this far.