vinvinz Posted August 15, 2010 Report Share Posted August 15, 2010 My bf and I have been together for 3 months plus already and we are now living together in a student dorm in europe for our studies. During the first two months of our r/s in Singapore, it was really the 'honeymoon' period. When we got over here, we see each other 24/7, virtually every minute. But I realised that things have started to change for he no longer treat me like how he did during the 'honeymoon' period and he claims that its because we see each other every minute. More recently, I found out that he has been visiting a gay social site, with the profile of being single and looking for a sexdate. I happened to see him visiting the site and he closed it the moment he saw me approaching. I went to check out the site next day and saw his profile which made me very sad. Because of this, I became a person who invades in someone's privacy. I saw him trying to find some european guys to meet up for sex, and their conversation was rather saddening for me to read on. Whenever I am not around, he will visit this site. For now, he has yet to meet any of them as I'm always sticking with him. I also know that he made some video calls behind my back.He is my first bf and I am new to this r/s thingy. I feel that I could not satisfy his desires enough that he needs to seek others. I don't know how to approach him as I really loved him alot. I already felt so guilty peeking into his stuffs. I dun wan this relationship to end.Any advise on this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKMan Posted August 15, 2010 Report Share Posted August 15, 2010 oh well what can we say ?i guess both of u are new to gay life and young. so will be curious to explore more esp when u are out of Singapore and out of parental control.have a good talk with him and see what he says.otherwise it can be quite sad when he really tries to find sexdates and u hindering him may turn him into an angry lover who might spurn ur advances too.anyways. talk to him about how this relationship is going to work.otherwise, u guys can be friends in a foreign land right ? winterboy 1 Quote I just want to help my didi. Shall remain silent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
handsomechub Posted August 15, 2010 Report Share Posted August 15, 2010 This kind of reminds me of the experience i have with mine.I was in the 2nd year of the r/s when i went to china for exchange.i think becos we kept seeing each other, and having to live together kinda reveal more about our habits and behaviours.tempers flare, we become less loving,and over time,as we got to know each other better, sadly, it also means we got to see more of the other that we didnt want.like you i caught him surfing pxxn and masturbating whenever im not ard, and he flirts with random guys on msn.i was really angry and in return i spite him whenever i can..and i guess he was on the brink of breaking..but he didnt say..he kept quiet.when we returned to singapore, within a month's time, he started to avoid me and say things like hes not free to go out and he wans his personal time.he even went to the extend of saying he is turning str8.and i respected his decision and gave him his personal space he wanted.afterall, if he could turn str8, i would be happy for him.Although i said that, i was still very possessive of him.I began checking his email everyday, and voila, finally one day i check his sent email and saw him addressing this particular guy/male as dear.at this moment i knew there is a third party..and i really hated him for lying to me.i was very hurt..i went crazy..i cried...i wanted to take my life..I went all ways to seek revenge on the third guy...but eventually realised there is no point doin that..he wouldnt come back to me even if i removed that guy..his heart is no longer there..so over time, i began to accept that its my fate ..and just as i was about to enjoy the singlehood..things start to changehe call me a few days before my birthday to ask me out..and eventually to keep the story short, he came back to me. I guess he will eventually know who is the best to you after venturing out himself.well we are still together, i have forgiven him and its 4 years and goin on strong.we love each other dearly.So, my advise to you is to just let things go on its own course, since both of u are overseas already..maybe give him his personal space, and you too, go out and enjoy urself if he doesnt know how to appreciate you.Absence makes the heart fonder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vinvinz Posted August 15, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2010 oh well what can we say ?i guess both of u are new to gay life and young. so will be curious to explore more esp when u are out of Singapore and out of parental control.have a good talk with him and see what he says.otherwise it can be quite sad when he really tries to find sexdates and u hindering him may turn him into an angry lover who might spurn ur advances too.anyways. talk to him about how this relationship is going to work.otherwise, u guys can be friends in a foreign land right ?I forgot to mention that I am the only one new to this circle. He has been into many aj r/s already and he is younger than me. This is why I dunno or couldn't talk to him about it.However I do agree with handsomechub someways. Maybe he really wanted his own personal space and living in the same small room with me he can't get it. I'm being too possessive already I feel, maybe I loved him too much. But I will most prob be heartbroken if he had sex with a stranger, regardless if it is a ONS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKMan Posted August 15, 2010 Report Share Posted August 15, 2010 how young is he compared to u ?anyways, just let it settle down.talk to him Quote I just want to help my didi. Shall remain silent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vinvinz Posted August 15, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2010 how young is he compared to u ?anyways, just let it settle down.talk to himI'm 27 and he is 23.I dun know how to start it off as I'm the one invading his privacy now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKMan Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 I'm 27 and he is 23.I dun know how to start it off as I'm the one invading his privacy now.and both are attending school ? interesting.talk to him lah.no one else can help but u urself.dun sound like a jealous wife. Quote I just want to help my didi. Shall remain silent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ironrod Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 I'm 27 and he is 23.I dun know how to start it off as I'm the one invading his privacy now.Hi,I think you have to sit down and talk to him about it.I am in a 13 year r/s and there are times temptation does happen and people do get bored.Since you are the older one you should bear the responsibility of being the "father figure" I guess.Firstly, you got to set the cards all out on the table.Ask him if he wants an open r/s ~ if the answer is yes then 2 can play the game "SAFETY" [note the key word and the r/s will change because safe sex becomes very important]. If he just wants to flirt and being fun-loving [like me ] let him be lor but tell him if he goes to meet anybody you got to be around etc [note the key word set the games rules right]Just let him understand once the flood gate opens there is no closing ~ and maybe you should try some angmoh too [sounds very fun no?]If you really love him and he does not love u enough....I think you should just set him free.Didn't some songs always sings "If u love him set him free?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vinvinz Posted August 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 and both are attending school ? interesting.talk to him lah.no one else can help but u urself.dun sound like a jealous wife.Yah, I thought so.Sigh, I guess I loved him too much liao, somemore he is my first bf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKMan Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 Yah, I thought so.Sigh, I guess I loved him too much liao, somemore he is my first bf.u are older than he is. pls lah. show some maturity.unless u are the "wife" ...... but then again, show the man in u. Quote I just want to help my didi. Shall remain silent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kage Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 You should try to find a night when he's not feeling irritated or cranky and then have a straight forward chat with him...In my opinion what makes a relationship last long is communication..when there's disagreements you should not keep it to heart and just be open with it..(I know it's easier said than done but yeah.)And if there's deception...try to be open with it..talk to him about it....well no point keeping someone who doesn't loves you anymore with you no?Set yourself free. If he doesn't want this relationship to continue but just doesn't know how to put it into words, be the lead for once and do it for him. [Please be sure that he really doesn't love you anymore before you do it.] Quote You can complain that roses have thorns, or you can also rejoice that thorns have roses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vinvinz Posted August 17, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 Thanks for all advises. I decided to give up spying on him already as I found out to much things already... even till the extend of planning to meet up a guy for you know what.I will find a day to speak to him about it. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dark.knight Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 I guess his just bored and tired. Not insulting the older, but I guess that being 27 means you roughly know what you want with life and it gets boring. You do stuff with plans and thoughts and his probably still curious about the world. His probably bored out by doing the same stuff with the same person everyday.Personally, there is only two solutions. 1. End the relationship. 2. Bring it to greater heights.Im sure I dont have to explain the first solution and the second, well, its going to be tough but I believe it is worth it.You should first talk to him about the present and how you hope your future will be. Talk about how you dream his involvement in your future would be. After that, ask him about his plans and how he wishes to involve you in his future. This is signal to him that you are serious in the relationship and is ready to go long-term.Next, to deal with the boredom one gets facing the same person with the same. Alternate dates, try something new every week. Learn a new sport, find a new online world to conquer together, or even learn new langauges together. Surprise him with gifts and same acts of love such as cooking/baking for him. You dont know to find a reason for celebration (not birthdays etc), it can simply be the survival of the relationship till this stage.Always emphasize your love for him. Tell him again and again, remind me how much you love him and why you love him. Be specific and sincere. "I love the way you smile whenever you come home to me" "Your hands are so warm, I just love to hold them and never let go."Last but not lest, make friends. No matter how good the relationship is, one got to have friends. Give him some personal freedom to make friends, meet him and have fun (anything but sex) be it males, females, bisexual, homosexual, hetrosexual etc. Making mutual friends (preferably couples) together would also be very beneficial. They can help to indentify problems in the relationship at the early stages, act as mediators, and introduce new stuff to engage or topics to talk about. If you are comfortable, introduce your group of friends to him and show interests in his friends. I wish you all the best! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeYourself Posted August 23, 2010 Report Share Posted August 23, 2010 We are looking forward to hearing from you again. How is it going? Best wishes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
space Posted September 14, 2010 Report Share Posted September 14, 2010 My bf and I have been together for 3 months plus already and we are now living together in a student dorm in europe for our studies. During the first two months of our r/s in Singapore, it was really the 'honeymoon' period. When we got over here, we see each other 24/7, virtually every minute. But I realised that things have started to change for he no longer treat me like how he did during the 'honeymoon' period and he claims that its because we see each other every minute. More recently, I found out that he has been visiting a gay social site, with the profile of being single and looking for a sexdate. I happened to see him visiting the site and he closed it the moment he saw me approaching. I went to check out the site next day and saw his profile which made me very sad. Because of this, I became a person who invades in someone's privacy. I saw him trying to find some european guys to meet up for sex, and their conversation was rather saddening for me to read on. Whenever I am not around, he will visit this site. For now, he has yet to meet any of them as I'm always sticking with him. I also know that he made some video calls behind my back.He is my first bf and I am new to this r/s thingy. I feel that I could not satisfy his desires enough that he needs to seek others. I don't know how to approach him as I really loved him alot. I already felt so guilty peeking into his stuffs. I dun wan this relationship to end.Any advise on this?Actually I am having the same thing with my bf. But then we are together gpt 5 yrs liao. He is 20 this year, coming 21 wherease i am 29, I would love to chat with u if u dun mind to give me your msn. I too crack into his e-mail address, fb, msn and many more. It is kinda sian as well. we are still together, he now claim he love me. but hiaz...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicky84 Posted September 14, 2010 Report Share Posted September 14, 2010 Actually I am having the same thing with my bf. But then we are together gpt 5 yrs liao. He is 20 this year, coming 21 wherease i am 29, I would love to chat with u if u dun mind to give me your msn. I too crack into his e-mail address, fb, msn and many more. It is kinda sian as well. we are still together, he now claim he love me. but hiaz......i guess this happen to anyone of us before. it's quite common considering we are all guys and living in this temptation world. ultimately, please ask yourself what do you want. a companion? someone who can love you more than you love yourself? living happily ever after? in our social circle, there aren't such fairytale for us to believe in. realistically, bring the whole issue out and talk about it. set the game rules and enjoy it. there's nothing absolutely right or wrong, just compromise and live with it. as long as your bf knows at the end of the day, who to go back to. i know it's sucks! isn't it suck to be gay in the first place.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesea78 Posted September 14, 2010 Report Share Posted September 14, 2010 I'm 27 and he is 23.I dun know how to start it off as I'm the one invading his privacy now.i think he is still young.. i had a r/s of 2.5yrs..my was younger thn me by 6yrs.but was somehow also like urs.. chatting wif others meeting others in uniform n do C2C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vinvinz Posted September 18, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2010 Thanks for the replies guys. Seems like after a while I'm starting to get used to it liao. The only thing that is on my mind is when we head back to SG after our studies... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doncoin Posted September 18, 2010 Report Share Posted September 18, 2010 You 2 need space from each other. You should make a point to have at least a day or 2 or whatever where you agree to spend time apart. Do your own thing. Hang out with your own friends. Don't become a conjoined Siamese twins couple. You are lost, as you said in the topic title, is because so much of your world revolved around him. Where are you? So step back, find yourself first. Quote Love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest elgar90 Posted October 15, 2010 Report Share Posted October 15, 2010 i think he is still young.. i had a r/s of 2.5yrs..my was younger thn me by 6yrs.but was somehow also like urs.. chatting wif others meeting others in uniform n do C2C If only all humans can be like penguins. One partner for life, he the partner dies, they will live alone. Haiz. Reality is, like what one PLU told me, tops are mostly jerks while bottoms are mostly sluts.But there are exceptions, those exceptions are what i call the penguins. Partner for life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.