Is It Possible To Fall In Love With 2 Ppl @ The Same Time ?

[Bear_Tan]

Some problems of the heart that needs some advice.

I am attached with my BF for 5 years and we are treating both like life partners , Sex is not a must on our list and we seldom do it , we are just enjoying each other company. Few months back , start to try widen my circle of friends and got to know a guy who is younger then me. We kinda of just started out as close friend who will spend hours online chatting and talking about each other lives , relationship ( he is also attached for 1 year ) We do also meet up for meals/coffee and walks. But after a while we realized both of us got feeling for each other. But we did not do anything behind out bfs , except for some friendly hugs and a kiss on the cheek. I used to think he is a very emotional guy but came to realized he can control his feeling better than me nowadays.

We agreed that we do not wants to hurt both our partners but we really do have feelings for one another. So we decided to keep each other deep in out heart , we still do meet up for coffee and stuffs , with our Bfs knowing of cos they do not know of the feeling we had for each other.

Recently he got posted oversea for work and internet is limited so we chat very little compare to the past 6 months , we been chatting almost every night online for hours. And my heart ache , you can really feel the aching at the chest area when thinking of him and the time we spend together but yet we can never be together for some reasons , both of us can't leave our bfs but yet deep inside we had this mutual feelings for each other.

Of cos i know this is wrong cos the right way will to be stop contacting each other and try to be faithful to our partners but I really cannot control myself. At least to me this is not a crush that i had last time which comes and go, And it's not lust also cos if just for sex , i think I can just go cruise or hook up with someone online. What we shared was a thing called "love" ? I really don't know how to cope , am causing me to lose concentration at work. Cos will keeping things a lot of things , like how is he doing , when will we be able to meet up , how do we try and keep the feeling inside and just be close friends , etc. I had try to hide my feeling from him , like try not to tell him " I miss U" kind of things BUT yet after a while , I scared he will not know how I feel towards him , so i will end up telling.

A friend told me if i had really love my partner , I will not fall for another guy outside BUT Is it NOT possible really to fall for 2 people at the same time ? So crazy that I am thinking maybe if there is a next life , we can be together and thinking maybe it's a wrong timing for us to know one another.( watched too much TV drama ) But if we were to meet when both are single, will we still fall for one another ?

Anyone got similar experiences ? and how you deal with it and the outcome of it ?

[Firday]

try to have sexual intimacy...then check how your heart feel about it.

[ichigo23]

gd luck

Edited July 17, 2016 by ichigo23

[GKS]

One heart.

One life.

so

One love.

[cw30]

1) What is the main different being with your bf and him?

2) His r/s is still young (<2yr) and may or may not be well suited as to his expectation. plus your appearance is something new to him and with you being frequently chatting online with him, there is no doubt both of you have this feeling for each other (it applies to every human being not just you alone). but do you really think it is a genuine feeling for this new-found frd or it is just a crush?

3) there is a thin line between a closed frd and a life partner. Are you looking for something that is lacking or missing in your current r/s?

4) you can love anyone you like, just like you love your parent, colleague, siblings etc but these love are different. how can you be sure you can love this new-found frd as long as with your partner?

5) there are also factors that may arise what you are happening - eg less sex with your partner, u n ur partner not staying together, doing individual things etc

6) lastly, is it just a responsibility rather than love that you are feeling for your partner?

[Bear_Tan]

1) What is the main different being with your bf and him?

2) His r/s is still young (<2yr) and may or may not be well suited as to his expectation. plus your appearance is something new to him and with you being frequently chatting online with him, there is no doubt both of you have this feeling for each other (it applies to every human being not just you alone). but do you really think it is a genuine feeling for this new-found frd or it is just a crush?

3) there is a thin line between a closed frd and a life partner. Are you looking for something that is lacking or missing in your current r/s?

4) you can love anyone you like, just like you love your parent, colleague, siblings etc but these love are different. how can you be sure you can love this new-found frd as long as with your partner?

5) there are also factors that may arise what you are happening - eg less sex with your partner, u n ur partner not staying together, doing individual things etc

6) lastly, is it just a responsibility rather than love that you are feeling for your partner?

1) main difference ? 1 older then me , 1 younger then me ? of cos they are different in looks and behave , my bf is more independent , the new guy is more dependent when i know him ?

2) No , his bf looks better then me , and he knows others who are better looking then me. I don't think it's crush or maybe this is a more longer crush ? I mean i have crush for others before , or maybe lust but with the new guy , I just want to be there for him and he just wants to be there for me. Cos we know we can't be together.

3) well i did consider that , but if i am looking for something missing from my current , I don't think it will be this new guy.

4) That is what i don't know , but 6 months now , thus feeling very sad and emo , i don't know how long it will last till.

5) Less sex with my bf then i should be looking for more sex , the thing is , i reject sex offer from my old sex buddy , just to have coffee with this new guy. Me and my partners stay together every weekends.

6) That is a question i don't really know , maybe 50/50 but read somewhere in this forum , and i think of my bf as my life partner ,that's why we been together for so long. But I just got feeling for this new guy, when i know he meet new friends , I will feel jealous and will feel I might lose him. But i never did wish him to break off. Cos i think maybe it we become a couple , things might not turn out well also , But i know i care for him , miss him and love him.

Very confuse of how to go about this. I don't want to lose him but yet i think hard to maintain just friends. yet i don't want to hurt my partner and he also don't want to hurt his , thus we never go beyond hugs.

[fab]

NO

[abang]

Simply ask yourself... who do you want more?

Of course the answer is simply a. BF b. new chat mate.

Make the right decision.

[bigis4me]

1) main difference ? 1 older then me , 1 younger then me ? of cos they are different in looks and behave , my bf is more independent , the new guy is more dependent when i know him ?

2) No , his bf looks better then me , and he knows others who are better looking then me. I don't think it's crush or maybe this is a more longer crush ? I mean i have crush for others before , or maybe lust but with the new guy , I just want to be there for him and he just wants to be there for me. Cos we know we can't be together.

3) well i did consider that , but if i am looking for something missing from my current , I don't think it will be this new guy.

4) That is what i don't know , but 6 months now , thus feeling very sad and emo , i don't know how long it will last till.

5) Less sex with my bf then i should be looking for more sex , the thing is , i reject sex offer from my old sex buddy , just to have coffee with this new guy. Me and my partners stay together every weekends.

6) That is a question i don't really know , maybe 50/50 but read somewhere in this forum , and i think of my bf as my life partner ,that's why we been together for so long. But I just got feeling for this new guy, when i know he meet new friends , I will feel jealous and will feel I might lose him. But i never did wish him to break off. Cos i think maybe it we become a couple , things might not turn out well also , But i know i care for him , miss him and love him.

Very confuse of how to go about this. I don't want to lose him but yet i think hard to maintain just friends. yet i don't want to hurt my partner and he also don't want to hurt his , thus we never go beyond hugs.

I think my friend is in the same situation. He has been with his partner for 3 yrs now they live together. They seem to be so happy and do most things together but no sex. And lately he said he has met somebody else and they seem so in love but only thing is that he is married. So he is now in a dilemma as he loves his bf and loves this guy. They both have their own life partner and now love each other . So i am not sure what he will be doing about it.

[GachiMuchi]

My friend, A has the same problem. A is attached with B, for 5 years and they met C who is attached with D. At that time C & D had some relationship issues and C needed to have a listening ear so C confides with A. A eventually won C over, but C still loves D. Therefore to work things out. A suggests to C that they, ABCD has a 4 way relationship. Meaning A & B are still couple and C & D are couple. Because they like each other, and because they can't give up their partner, it's best the 2 couple come together as 2 couples.

So far it worked rather well and the four have been together for the past 1 year and they have sex as a foursome, although A & C do meet up for sex at least once a week by themselves with their lover's knowledge and consent. A still lives with B and C still lives with D but the 2 couple live a distant from each other. So A and C don't meet very often, but they do make a point to go out in a group over weekends and holidays and occasional dinner.

It amazes me how they are able to work things out. My friend A is the one that has the EQ to manage all the other 3 well and resolves most issues with very fair treatment for all of them.

So yes. It is possible to love 2 ppl at the same time.

[Guest Ironrod]

My friend, A has the same problem. A is attached with B, for 5 years and they met C who is attached with D. At that time C & D had some relationship issues and C needed to have a listening ear so C confides with A. A eventually won C over, but C still loves D. Therefore to work things out. A suggests to C that they, ABCD has a 4 way relationship. Meaning A & B are still couple and C & D are couple. Because they like each other, and because they can't give up their partner, it's best the 2 couple come together as 2 couples.

So far it worked rather well and the four have been together for the past 1 year and they have sex as a foursome, although A & C do meet up for sex at least once a week by themselves with their lover's knowledge and consent. A still lives with B and C still lives with D but the 2 couple live a distant from each other. So A and C don't meet very often, but they do make a point to go out in a group over weekends and holidays and occasional dinner.

It amazes me how they are able to work things out. My friend A is the one that has the EQ to manage all the other 3 well and resolves most issues with very fair treatment for all of them.

So yes. It is possible to love 2 ppl at the same time.

Gachi: From your story I think it point out something very clearly. Secrets and doing stuff behind your lovers' back will never go well. If you really wants a 3-4 ppl r/s, being frank and truthful is most important and it has to be there even b4 you start having sex with anybody. The basic requirement is trust and maturity.

[Bear_Tan]

@abang : I think I want both , but of cos it's impossible , so I think I can only try to keep my feeling for the new guy in my heart , but it's hard doing so for now , maybe ... maybe time will help.

@bigis4me : Do keep me update of what your friend choose

@Gachi , wow, I don't think many people can do that as your friend A , we are still asian , it's still 1 husband - 1 husband thing. If not I think I won't be so miserable also. Also for it's hard to find ABCD that liked one another, cos everyone got their own preferences. I would say your friend A is really lucky , may it be his EQ or his BF B really loves him that much to compromise ( sharing with someone is better then losing him totally ? ) But thanks for sharing.

[soxite]

There is such thing at Polyamory. Also saw this on cable recently. I guess relationships can be quite dynamic and in the past there are polygamy and such ... times change and people change. Acceptance level might change too. Whatever it is, any relationship that is beyond monogamy has its risks and also its good but it is not for everyone. Enter with care as jealousy is one key factor that can destroy any relationships.

[rain man]

seriously, no one can really tell you what to do or what not to do because it is your life. you know yourself and the 2 guys better than anyone of us. so we can only offer you what we think and you make the judgment call. here's what i think:

1) it's hard to maintain polygamy. much as we want, a 3- or 4- person relationship is hard to sustain or maintain. usually, someone would be neglected, ignored and soon jealousy would set in and someone would inevitably get hurt.

2) is sex essential or really not important to you in a relationship? if it is essential and important, then you may be dissatisfied with your current bf and he may not really be the one for you. i don't think you can choose to be emotionally attached to one person and be in a sexual relationship with another.

3) list down the reasons why you are attracted to your new friend. ask yourself if these are missing from your current relationship?

4) are you sure it is not because there is freshness in this new relationship? over time, long-time relationships suffer from a lack of spark and become stale. the initial heart-thumping "infatuation" or "love" settle into normalcy. that is when it becomes "boring" and we stray to seek out some excitement.

5) imagine all 3 of you in a life and death scenario. if you have to save only 1 of them, who would you save? it's hard to imagine, but try. when you choose the person, you probably have the answer who you really want to be with. who do you picture yourself growing old with? again, you can only choose one of them.

6) no matter who you choose, be with the person because you love him, not because you need him, pity him etc.

7) for the person you did not choose in 5, don't be selfish and hold him back. set the person free and let him find his own true love.

8) it is unlikely we would ever be with the dream guy we wish for. there would always be imperfections in a person. when you settle down into a relationship, you would likely meet someone someday better than your current one. ask yourself, what would you do? do you think you would stray again emotionally?

9) if you choose your current bf in 5, then list down the things you are unhappy about in this relationship. it is unlikely you can change him but sit him down and talk to him and let him know your feelings. try to invigorate your relationship together. it takes 2 to clap.

10) the decisions we make may not always be right or the best. but we have to live with the decision.

so, all the best to you! hope all 3 of you find your true loves in due course.

[CamperBoy]

1. Try having sex with him and see if you can feel the intimacy or not.

2. Break up with your 5yr relationship boyfriend and see how much you loved him.

[soxite]

seriously, no one can really tell you what to do or what not to do because it is your life. you know yourself and the 2 guys better than anyone of us. so we can only offer you what we think and you make the judgment call. here's what i think:

1) it's hard to maintain polygamy. much as we want, a 3- or 4- person relationship is hard to sustain or maintain. usually, someone would be neglected, ignored and soon jealousy would set in and someone would inevitably get hurt.

2) is sex essential or really not important to you in a relationship? if it is essential and important, then you may be dissatisfied with your current bf and he may not really be the one for you. i don't think you can choose to be emotionally attached to one person and be in a sexual relationship with another.

3) list down the reasons why you are attracted to your new friend. ask yourself if these are missing from your current relationship?

4) are you sure it is not because there is freshness in this new relationship? over time, long-time relationships suffer from a lack of spark and become stale. the initial heart-thumping "infatuation" or "love" settle into normalcy. that is when it becomes "boring" and we stray to seek out some excitement.

5) imagine all 3 of you in a life and death scenario. if you have to save only 1 of them, who would you save? it's hard to imagine, but try. when you choose the person, you probably have the answer who you really want to be with. who do you picture yourself growing old with? again, you can only choose one of them.

6) no matter who you choose, be with the person because you love him, not because you need him, pity him etc.

7) for the person you did not choose in 5, don't be selfish and hold him back. set the person free and let him find his own true love.

8) it is unlikely we would ever be with the dream guy we wish for. there would always be imperfections in a person. when you settle down into a relationship, you would likely meet someone someday better than your current one. ask yourself, what would you do? do you think you would stray again emotionally?

9) if you choose your current bf in 5, then list down the things you are unhappy about in this relationship. it is unlikely you can change him but sit him down and talk to him and let him know your feelings. try to invigorate your relationship together. it takes 2 to clap.

10) the decisions we make may not always be right or the best. but we have to live with the decision.

so, all the best to you! hope all 3 of you find your true loves in due course.

You put it very well, rain man. When it comes to relationships, no one knows except ourselves and it is up to us to decide what we really want in a relationship. It's easy to be involve in relationships while young but if we are in our 50s and 60s, what do we see in a relationship and what we look forward to? One day, the things we do will become routine and would that affect the relationship? Are we seeking for freshness in relationships? Are we able to love the person even if the person is no longer capable of sex? Etc ... regardless the format of relationship, I wish all the best too ... Hope all have a long and meaningful relationship be it gay, bi, str, trans, poly or mono.

[winterboy]

i think my situation is similar to yours..i've been with my bf (let's call him C) for more than 1 year and at the same time, i know this cute guy (let's call him B) from the internet..i love my bf very much and we enjoyed each others' company ..C is my 1st relationship and so as me to him.. though we treasure our relationship more than anything, we still get to quarrel over small things which often breaks my heart... B is single..he is a good listener and a good friend(i can say best friend that i know from the net)and so, i complained to him whenever i quarrel with my bf ...as time goes by, i find myself to have this feeling towards B but i still love C... one of my real-life friend who also happens to be plu advised me to do what he did: stop getting in touch with other plu friends when in a relationship...well, i dint choose to do so..

perhaps i'm too greedy, i want both of them ...but i know it's impossible

[TheVisitors]

When you love two people at the same time, it simply means you love none of them. You are only interested in loving yourself and getting what you want.

The only true example of loving two people at the same time, is when a mother loves both her children unconditionally at the same time

True love is simply cheerful, free of desire,free from expectations, free from confusion, and it has no contradictions. And at the same time, respecting each other's choice, space and freedom to choose from the various matrix life offers

Because it is so crystal clear, therefore it is so pure just by itself

When your love is not pure, tainted by your selfish motives, then you bring in your own frustrations and contradictions, and ultimately, pain.

I am just presenting you things as simple as such. Perhaps you would like to examine what I have to share with you.

[Guest Ironrod]

When you love two people at the same time, it simply means you love none of them. You are only interested in loving yourself and getting what you want.

I like what you wrote there is never a balance in a 3 person r/s.

There is always this key person holding the other 2.

[akated]

if a mother can love two kids at the same time, i don't see why someone cannot fall in love with two people at the same time.

[T.H]

Seriously you should cherish your love one... I feel that its not easy to get into a relationship. Just dun do anything stupid that you will end up regretting, you are really fortunate and you should think this out properly

[TheVisitors]

if a mother can love two kids at the same time, i don't see why someone cannot fall in love with two people at the same time.

You compared a woman , who gave you life, bath you, fed you, spent sleepless nights taking care of you when you fell sick,

worried if you will hurt yourself when you took the bus back from school all by your self for the first time, protected you from all sorts of hurt and harm, and found means to keep a family alive and intact when the family was in direful state, to a man who " love you and the other guy" at the same time?

You go ask or see if that guy can do all that stuff your mother did for you.

If you can do those stuff to both the guys you love, just like a mother can, you might as well be their mother

Edited December 8, 2010 by TheVisitors

[akated]

You compared a woman , who gave you life, bath you, fed you, spent sleepless nights taking care of you when you fell sick,

worried if you will hurt yourself when you took the bus back from school all by your self for the first time, protected you from all sorts of hurt and harm, and found means to keep a family alive and intact when the family was in direful state, to a man who " love you and the other guy" at the same time?

You go ask or see if that guy can do all that stuff your mother did for you.

If you can do those stuff to both the guys you love, just like a mother can, you might as well be their mother

perhaps i should clarify myself here. if you have not had the chance to be in the position to fall in love with two men at the same time, i don't think it's fair to conclude that it's impossible. just because you have not experienced it yourself, doesn't mean that it's untenable.

i am in a stable relationship (with one man), but i'm not precluding the possibility of another person falling in love with two men. do i think that a three-way relationship will be as smooth-sailing as a two-way relationship? i guess not. in fact, all three parties will probably have to work exponentially hard to make the relationship work. but if all parties are open to the idea, and approach the issue with open minds, i don't see why it won't work.

you may think that i'm being too idealistic here. but shouldn't we approach relationships with a bit more idealism, and a bit less cynicism?

our views on relationships are heavily shaped by societal norms. but it doesn't mean that these views are applicable to every individual; one shouldn't feel obliged to prescribe to popular beliefs if they don't suit him. he should walk his own path; whatever makes him happy. that's the most important thing.

Edited December 11, 2010 by akated

[Guest jayy]

I think the main issue is, what are the odds that all three have each fallen in love with the other two? Obviously it's possible for someone to fall in love with two guys, but I'm quite skeptical about three-ways really working out. Suppose the two guys you love don't know about each other? By bringing them together and getting them to accept or like each other, you're imposing a burden on them. It just feels like a "I get to have my cake and eat it too" situation to me...