Am I Ugly?+Scarring / Weight Issues, Etc. Resulted In Inferior Complex & Low Self-Esteem - So How To Build Confident? (compiled)

[Guest boy]

You look cute. I will take a glance at u if u walk past.

Then I guess u'll be busy looking at everyone who walks past you.

[Guest iz_ariays]

No pictures for me to comment. Allerandy, I think you must have removed it. Can you upload again for me to see. Don't think I will be disappointed.

[Guest http://www.facebook.com/pr]

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=725486115

Since u asked...UGLY

[Guest iz_ariays]

I think you're still average. Definitely not ugly. =D

[tookidooki]

Ok-lah, seen uglier

[straight8ing]

seriously... i dun think u look ugly at all...! Be more confident in yourself...

sometimes i think when we get abit down, we do ask ourselves "am i ugly, not attractive at all", it is very common.. i think...

i think as long as u be urself, look confident, u will be attractive... you will meet someone who will appreciate you as in you and not on looks...

[Guest Bboy]

U are below average, but not ugly.

[Guest Bboy]

But there is no need to fret about being not good looking. If you notice I'm sure there are guys who are below avg but who also have many girlfriends and somehow are girl magnets.

[Guest Centrino]

Not good looking, not repulsive looking either.

[Guest Man Hood]

I felt that you had painted yourself into a corner. I guess you must have been really bored.

Do I need you to teach me (a Singapore AJ) humility? I think not.

You really need to engage your brain more before you let ur fingers do the typing, especially in a public forum.

Removing your post is not the wises move because ppl can still see your post.

Hmm,

All the wise uncles finally cannot tahan this young chap's inexperience talk. Good! I strongly agree to the few wise men's writings. Young people should be humble to learn from the elder because wisdom only comes with age and experience...

[GachiMuchi]

Dear Randy Toh,

I hope you can see what your post, in a public forum can get you when you post without thinking. Your replies towards others also get you lots of flakes and made it worst.

I had removed many bitching statement made about you and to save you from more agony I am closing this topic.

I hope you will learn from this episode and improve on ur EQ cum IQ.

[Guest avrboy]

Any guys out there feels the same way as me? I often feel inferior when I know guys and they seem happy with their life. Goodlooks, body built, got guys after them etc....but none of these ever happened to me. Why some guys get all the things they could ever possibly want but others nothing at all? Do we really have to go for extensive facial care, gymming etc to be a hunk so guys will come after us? Or just be envious that they were born goodlooking.

[waterballoon]

I know how u feel. I think I feel envious of the gay guys around me almost every day.. I mean.. it's hard, really difficult to "be contented" and all that.. it's almost to a point when u feel things are really unfair..

but what can u do anyway? i suppose that's the most important thing of this whole issue

[Guest happy complex]

hey waterballon... are u the guy who made comment that u want to date guys your age.. but 48 yo uncles hit u up... then u shd find another site cos this is for mature guys and guys who love mature guys

[waterballoon]

hey waterballon... are u the guy who made comment that u want to date guys your age.. but 48 yo uncles hit u up... then u shd find another site cos this is for mature guys and guys who love mature guys

u might want to stop being assumptive & assume that i was referring to the people from this forum, because I'm not.

[passinthenight]

We all feel sorry for ourselves from time to time.

The truth is that there is always someone out there that would love to be in our shoes, given the chance.

We all take for granted, what we have and want more.

Enjoy what you have whilst you have it!

Because it can be taken away in a flash.

[Guest Blaidd_Drwg]

Any guys out there feels the same way as me? I often feel inferior when I know guys and they seem happy with their life. Goodlooks, body built, got guys after them etc....but none of these ever happened to me. Why some guys get all the things they could ever possibly want but others nothing at all? Do we really have to go for extensive facial care, gymming etc to be a hunk so guys will come after us? Or just be envious that they were born goodlooking.

The problem running around our segment of society is that we are all running towards or herding along the 'stereotypical' gay-look. The misconception we must rid off among our own people is that being hunky with good body and good endowment and all that other stereotypical crap is not a pre-requisite to being gay!

We are a group of diverse individuals ourselves. Personally, whilst we are enlightening the heterosexual world about our freedoms and rights, within our group is the ignorance of the 'stereotypical' gay. Actually, to be more accurate, those running a model show competition are those you ought to watch out for. They tend to have the idea of "If I look good for you, I expect you to do the same for me." This is not love. This is mutual reciprocation. It is cold, superficial and very horny (at times).

Take for example the heterosexual world. Sure, the guys get tempted into the seduction of the 'stereotypical' clerk. But what good comes out of that? Good guys will always be down-to-earth and look for the girl-next-door. No matter how far the (good) husband strays for a fling, he will eventually come back to his wife for whom he knows a long-term, stable relationship is actually possible. This is no different with our world.

Do not feel inferior at all. Love (or happiness) knows no boundaries as superficiality imposes. You are destined to meet someone eventually (or be the helmsman of your own ship).

Just get your priorities and life goals right. Sit down and think what you actually believe and want to do. Love will come, but one should not place it at the very top priority. We are humans who are born to bring change to this world, not be out on hunt for love. That objective is secondary and will be found along the way, undoubtedly.

Edited April 24, 2011 by Blaidd_Drwg

[Guest Guest]

you live your own life and you only have 1 life to live. learn to love it and live it well.

why do you feel inferior? if you dun have a good bod and want to be like others, work for it. as for good looks, anyone can do some grooming to make themselves look presentable. the important thing is to have confidence and to carry yourself well.

if you have good looks or want to have a good bod, you also need to have a greater sense of maturity to view and handle things. for example, some people you meet are just superficial or are just after your flesh. it can be hard to make true friends. you also tend to come across more situations and must be matured enough to handle them. whether you are happy or not, it depends on you yourself - how you view things and how you want to lead your life.

[abang]

I lament the days when I was still schooling (uni-days). Those lean salad days were the best time in my life - I had time on my hands and was able to backpack to West Malaysia and Southern Thailand almost every other month.

I dont feel inferior then because I was contended with the way my life had taken its course. I did not have to work because I managed to get myself a non-bond scholarship.

Some of my classmates might had been envious of me but I dont feel anything special or "atas".

I still dont feel inferior to those who earn BIG BUCKS... they have their own cashflow problems and fear of being disposed by their peers.

Things you can do now -

If you want to have a better body, train.. run.... swim.

If your face is covered with acne now, then learn to wash your face more regularly and control your diet.

Confidence is something you have to master if you are feeling inferior to others.

[mango_juice]

Can running alone lead to better body? I can't swim

[Guest Blaidd_Drwg]

Can running alone lead to better body? I can't swim

Depends. Look at an endurance runner and a sprinter. See the difference? Yeah, I thought so too.

But running is just one of a mixture of exercises to a better body (depending on your definition of 'better' as strong better or visually better or some other better).

But this would be just straying from the topic. Consult a proper trainer or do a lot of research from fitness resources.

[billionaire]

It's only human nature to feel inferior. But know your own strengths.it's a little like sales and marketing. Focus on your good points. Be contented with that. And know that the everpresent flaws are the things that make you endearing

[Guest Guest]

i feel inferior next to a top with a bigger dick than me.

[darkflame]

You feel inferior when you think you are.

If I choose to subject myself to an inferior complex, I'd probably gone for plastic surgery.

Perhaps go under the knife to look Japanese or something.

However, I know I'm unique in my own way.

I see many guys who might look better than me but I don't really care.

Because one man's meat is another man's poison.

I rather date someone who likes me for who I am rather than love me for being someone I have to pretend to be for the rest of my life.

That includes having muscles and a good body etc.

If I have to train up just to attract a guy, it's probably not worth my time.

Well, if I happen to do that someday, I'm going to pour a glass of water on myself in public.

[Allegro]

Can running alone lead to better body? I can't swim

Yes it can, if done regularly you lose the fats and make your body lean.

By then you'll probably want to strengthen your muscles which is at the gym.

Swimming is to cool down your muscles and I swim to get a tan as well :thumb:

You feel inferior when you think you are.

If I choose to subject myself to an inferior complex, I'd probably gone for plastic surgery.

Perhaps go under the knife to look Japanese or something.

However, I know I'm unique in my own way.

I see many guys who might look better than me but I don't really care.

Because one man's meat is another man's poison.

I rather date someone who likes me for who I am rather than love me for being someone I have to pretend to be for the rest of my life.

That includes having muscles and a good body etc.

If I have to train up just to attract a guy, it's probably not worth my time.

Well, if I happen to do that someday, I'm going to pour a glass of water on myself in public.

True, but being physically attractive not only build up one's confidence, it keeps you healthy as well.

I used to be quite plump during primary school years but after joining uniform group and sport activities, exercising has became a part of my life.

It all depends if the person is lazy or not, and have the will power.

Edited April 26, 2011 by Allegro

[Guest marco]

Unfortunately, that's the way the gay world works. Men are attracted to physical looks = which spell confidence.

I would suggest identifying why you feel inferior then figuring out how to overcome it. Nothing is impossible, believe me. In my case, I always felt inferior because I was chubby. Through swimming and eating in moderation (I eat everything but in smaller portions), I lost 18 kg. And then I tried the Core Fusion dvd series religiously and ended up with a nice chest, toned shoulders, and a six pack. Before I trimmed down, when I went to sauna, I would only attract so-so guys. Now at age 44, I am shocked because I attract the best looking muscular guys. Guys in their twenties come over to me. I enjoyed all these of course and if there's anything I learned, I became more confident in day to day life in addition to my sex life.

After having been with goodlooking and regular guys and having sowed my wild oats, I realized that what matters is a person's attitude and not just his physical appearance. As I said, nothing is impossible and I go through life with positive self-esteem that radiates day to day. In the end, I don't really care about my good body and I'm just really happy to be healthy.

Nothing is imposible!

[Guest j.pokkemon]

One word : KARMA... what you get is what you sow... nothing religious at all... its common sense...

so just accept what you are today... but remember that you can change your own tomorrow, if you put in the right efforts starting from today.

[Allegro]

Guys in their twenties come over to me. I enjoyed all these of course and if there's anything I learned, I became more confident in day to day life in addition to my sex life.

After having been with goodlooking and regular guys and having sowed my wild oats, I realized that what matters is a person's attitude and not just his physical appearance. As I said, nothing is impossible and I go through life with positive self-esteem that radiates day to day. In the end, I don't really care about my good body and I'm just really happy to be healthy.

Nothing is imposible!

Wah, mind posting a profile of yourself. I am also like one of those young guys who are into older men

Anway I agree personality is really important, imagine being with someone who only cares about himself and doesn't even care about you.

But the point is, not all hot and good looking guys are like that, just that they have higher standards and since they put an effort into making themselves look good, it is natural they go out to look for men who are equally like them.

So if you're complaining that no one is actually after you, then perhaps it's time to start exercising.

Edited May 4, 2011 by Allegro

[sum1outhere_03]

Wah, mind posting a profile of yourself. I am also like one of those young guys who are into older men

Anway I agree personality is really important, imagine being with someone who only cares about himself and doesn't even care about you.

But the point is, not all hot and good looking guys are like that, just that they have higher standards and since they put an effort into making themselves look good, it is natural they go out to look for men who are equally like them.

So if you're complaining that no one is actually after you, then perhaps it's time to start exercising.

Haaha! I was pretty much like that for almost 25++ years of my life.

I didn't know where it started, but throughout the years, I was feeling miserable because while I was "proud" telling my friends how skinny I am and how the girls would envy my weight if I told them, I actually felt inferior and angry with myself for not have a great body like any other handsome dudes out there. I kept telling myself that the world isn't fair because I don't have the looks, neither do I have the hot body to go for.

And sorry you may find me preachy here, but really, your are what you think you are in your mind. If you keep thinking about how miserable you look, it will always be that way because your "bad" emotions feel that way, and "agrees" to your thoughts. That, was the secret (aka the law of attraction).

Things changed when I got fed up of all those thoughts going through my head! I then decided to change the way I think - that I too, can change the things I can change - which is, myself! I decided to start searching online materials, and saw many possibilities of how one can become better.

Although I am in the way of becoming better, I will still feel inferior at times, but once I know this is not empowering, I decided to change my thoughts.

I have still some time to go.

I don't know if I sound to real to you guys but in case anyone of you felt like how I felt, change your thinking! Good thoughts perceives good actions.

Good luck!

[Guest Guest]

Being rejected by a good looking handsome guy cos he doesn't find u physically attractive... is so very devastating to psyche of the rejected. It takes a mighty willpower to overcome the trauma.

Speaking from personal experience.

[stars]

Comparisons are almost always harmful. Comparisons mean there’s a winner and loser - and you’re the one who winds up feeling like a loser.

[Allegro]

Being rejected by a good looking handsome guy cos he doesn't find u physically attractive... is so very devastating to psyche of the rejected. It takes a mighty willpower to overcome the trauma.

Speaking from personal experience.

It's good in a sense that it makes you stronger, instead of staying sad and traumatised, you should think about the things you need to change to overcome it.

Which is exactly why I changed my lifestyle because I was constantly being bullied during primary school years for being plump. It's important to look physically strong on the outside to survive this kill or be-killed society.

[edisonlim84]

I believe if one takes rejection as a platform for improvement, he will definitely suffer less! When someone rejects you or when no one even bothers about you, it is just a signal that probably you are not doing enough to make yourself presentable:) It may not be that you are not handsome enough, or your body is not hot enough, but it may be just that you are not displaying your best side! Try looking for your strength, and build it up to show others out there that you are good enough as well! One may not be good looking or hot, but if he is willing to show some of his strength and build up his charisma, he can easily attracts lot of other guys out there!!

As much as many fellow AJs may be superficial, I believe that there are still those that look out for other characteristics:) I am a short guy with a height of 165, not very hot as seen from my weight of 58kg, definitely not good looking, but I do have some suitors because I am willing to put in effort to show them what is implicit self and force them to not judge me of my explicit self:) Believe me, give it a shot, and you can see wonders! No use for all of us to wallow in self pity, because it can never change who we are, how we look! Just be yourself in any situation but try to prove yourself as best as you can! Cheers!!

[waterballoon]

Nicole Seah in the MountBatten speech on May 4th, 2011:

"You have the right to decide what your future will be, and you are the one who decides how it will be like."

Basically, people are forward-moving creatures. There's no point in staying at the same point feeling sorry for yourself, or pondering why that guy rejected you. Just some reasons to why people have rejected me:

- too fat (top and most common reason)

- hair too long/odd color (kinda eradicated it since I'm sticking with a short and simple style)

- too young

I believe that doing up a SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity and Threat) of yourself will help you in finding out what you can do to improve yourself. Admitting your weaknesses and being willing to improve them is that one thing NO ONE can help you with but yourself.

You have all the weapons, now fight.

[snowball]

really hope that those who want to get slim not just talk no action or half way give up then keep on complain about others mind your size,

cos that don't help, it only make your character & attitude look worst than your built.

not all into hunk or tone lean, if you don't like what you are now, then fight for it, Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

just have confident & keep telling yourself " 我的胖是暂时的. " show & prove to others they are wrong.

Edited May 5, 2011 by snowball

[waterballoon]

really hope that those who want to get slim not just talk no action or half way give up then keep on complain about others mind your size,

cos that don't help, it only make your character & attitude look worst than your built.

that's really an insensitive thing to do, by assuming this, seriously...

& the situation/community IS really pathetic like this, i don't see anything wrong in complaining about it. also, ur in a happy relationship urself; coming to say things like these only give off the vibes that ur in ur own happy world and that everyone should be seeing flowers and marshmallows like u.. that's too idealistic

anyway sorry if i sound rude, but it's just what i've realized, that usually people who are all sunshine and go "Life is great! Doesn't matter how u look or what size u are, u will find someone!!!" are those who are in their happy relationships. It almost feels like, no one really understands how it's like anyway, thus contempt and wrath comes in.

[doncoin]

It is normal to feel inferior from time to time, but the key is not to dwell in it. Whining is not going to change the reality. Be yourself, believe in yourself, and screw what the rest of the world says.

Edited May 6, 2011 by chelseasian

[Guest I M doomed]

I have not much confident in myself. I believed it has to do with my life history. I was bullied since I was a child in school. In NS I was being teased too than in work places I was bullied by lady bosses and female colleagues. All these years, my relatives have been criticisng me for not getting married and laughed that I probably like men. My parents set curfew on my movement and every time I go out, I have look at the floor afraid of being stared at. I dare not greet my neighbours, and my friends find me very quiet and reserved. This is how my confident was lost in this life. When I visited new places, new offices, stranger's houses, schools, talking to someone who is of higher authority, I cannot speak properly though I wanted to say a lot of things from my heart. I am easily tongue-tighted when people interrupted me or someone told me off (whether they were right or wrong). Recently doctor told me that I have high blood pressure. I am so hopless, is there a future for me?

[Personne]

Start things small man. Smile at your neighbours and start polite conversations with them. We can build positive thinking by creating a positive environment.

As for the relatives and family members, understand that they were raised in a different environment from you, and their response to you is strongly linked to their experience. Do not concern yourselves about how other people respond - this is a deep field for psychologists, not you. Take their point: they want you to get married. So just think "okay, me too" and move on.

As for the interruptions, look at the nature of conversations. If it is important - critical to the safety coverage of a task or the success end-point of a project, always and always look at the ideas that the "interrupter" is conveying. He or she may have done so because of valid points, and teh fact that he or she voiced it to you means that he or she have accepted your opinions of it. Regardless of their approach in conveying their thoughts, just smile and look at the reasonings and logic.

As for high blood pressure, just exercise. Run - slow runs - daily. With this, of course, comes hours of stretches. Do not care about who are looking at you when you run. Look at your own life. Each of us have only a certain mind-capacity; do not waste it on others.

Key idea: do not centre your life on others. Centre it on principles. Do things right not because you want others to like you; do it because it is right. And you have a good control over your own life. Always be pragmatic.

Your hand has never left the steering wheel. It is time to change your direction now that you are feeling a strong gust of stormy weather.

[slut]

you don't need them to succeed in your life do you? who cares if they like you or not, stay focussed on your goals please. if you don't have a goal, get one and the confidence you're wishing for will soon follow.

[Guest A Friend]

You need to love and nurture yourself.

Are you a religious person? Would there be comfort in your religious leaders? Maybe they offer a sympathetic comforting confidential ear?

Is there counselling or groups you could join to develop a new circle of friends? Have you tried reading spiritual books? Have you tried going for counselling at Oogachaga? This is a "gay affirming place. Here's there web site http://www.oogachaga.com/

How old are you? Do you have a full time job? Can you afford to move out and establish some independence? Can you negotiate a later curfew so you have more freedom?

Is there a relative or friend you could move in with to try and establish some independence? Can you start to have "sleepovers" at friends' houses so you can start to break the parental control?

Can you just say "NO" to your parents?

Do you write in a journal? What about expressing some of your ideas in writing. What about writing letters to the people you want to confront then BURN THE LETTERS? (It's a symbolic gesture)

It's your life and you get what you ask for so if you don't like what you are receiving you are the only one who can change it.

What about taking an assertiveness training course or read a book about it?

If you act like a "door mat" people will walk all over you.

Look on this as a great opportunity for personal growth. You are telling yourself you don't like what life is giving you so go out and change it. Just by making a few changes you will be surprised how good you feel about yourself.

Blessing to you. You are loved and not alone.

[musclekid]

hey dude sorry you feel like that I don't have much advice like the rest, but I just want to tell you that life is what you make out of it. You could try hitting the gym, cos I've seen many shy guys transform that way.

Just my two-cents, haha. Peace

[Guest Toastmasters]

What about joining "Toastmasters Club"? It’s a club that allows its members to practice public speaking. If you have something to say maybe this would be a great place for you to express your thoughts and at the same time build self confidence. It will also give you a reason to get out of the house.

What about joining a club at your local community centre? This will open up a new circle of friends.

What about starting a new hobby or volunteering? Either of these will give you time away from home and maybe introduce you to new friends.

What about going on a trip by yourself or with friends?

[Guest initiald05]

i think mind fxxking works wonders.

[Guest Guest]

Dun worry, I was just like u.

Cry myself to sleep at nite. kenna bully in NS, at work.

Could not do presentation coz shiver non-stop.

Now I could pick up the phone & pitch anyone.

Dun be decieved by titles. A CEO's fart is as smelly as yours.

So just treat them like normal.

Always remember that if u r nervous, others are also nervous.

Just be yourself but treat others with honesty & sincerity.

Others would reciprocate.

read more self-help books on confidence.

update your dressing; do weights (good for posture)

take a course on public speaking/rhetoric.

mix with confident ppl; copy their style for a start but do come up with your own unique way.

develop a sense of humor; meditate. relax & calm yourself down.

If u do believe in a higher power, pray.

[kh87]

hey dude! cheer up man. Life is full of colours. Try to hang out more with your friends.

I do feel down too usually i felt lonely and do not have much friends. HAHA, but juz look and think of the brighter side~ :twisted:

[Rawrzilla]

Don't be so down, oft times people who bully you or otherwise walk all over you are equally or more insecure than the ones they bully. The power that they have over you gives them the illusion that they are in control, it gives them confidence. Sometimes the best policy in dealing with these people is to just ignore them and let their nonsense pass over and through you. Try to be more assertive but at the same time be "politically correct", no point starting conflicts.

I'm not sure how old you are, but with regards to the family issues, the essence of it is that you will be leading your own life for yourself in the way that you decide. Why bother about what other people say? With all due respect, are their lives so perfect that they see the need to start running yours?

Try to get involved in something you are passionate in. If you are so inclined, try to get involved in the performing arts, its a great way to build confidence. The Singapore Men's Chorus is a good place to start if you really want to start exploring that avenue.

Important thing is to always keep thinking positive and always know that there will always be someone somewhere who will be willing to help you out (like all the people here haha!)

[doncoin]

I have not much confident in myself. I believed it has to do with my life history. I was bullied since I was a child in school. In NS I was being teased too than in work places I was bullied by lady bosses and female colleagues. All these years, my relatives have been criticisng me for not getting married and laughed that I probably like men. My parents set curfew on my movement and every time I go out, I have look at the floor afraid of being stared at. I dare not greet my neighbours, and my friends find me very quiet and reserved. This is how my confident was lost in this life. When I visited new places, new offices, stranger's houses, schools, talking to someone who is of higher authority, I cannot speak properly though I wanted to say a lot of things from my heart. I am easily tongue-tighted when people interrupted me or someone told me off (whether they were right or wrong). Recently doctor told me that I have high blood pressure. I am so hopless, is there a future for me?

One of the things you need to start off is to develop your self-esteem. Unfortunately throughout your life you have allowed others to belittle you, put down your sense of self-worth. It is through a strong sense of self-esteem that confidence can be built upon. You need to know who you are really are as a person, accept your strengths and weaknesses, your likes and dislikes etc. Once you embrace the reality of who you are as a person, nobody can tell you otherwise because anything they say that is contrary to who you are within, you know is a lie. It is from this deep sense of self-honesty, knowing the truth about yourself- the beautiful, the ugly, the bad and the good that you build your self-esteem, and from there the confidence will come.

Surround yourself with friends and people who are positive, and will encourage you. Be in environments where you can grow as a person. Start with little steps.

Be strong, know that the bullies are often have even lower self-esteem than you, and just because you behave meekly doesn't mean that you are a convenient punching target.

[GachiMuchi]

What chelseasian said is true, you must first understanding your self worth. Many people whom where bullied, abused, etc. carries with them some emotional baggage. You might want to seek help with a counsellor or psychiatrist whom can help you understand more about yourself, and other issues that are you might have. They will be the best person to advice you on how you can make changes to your life.

What we can do here is give you some pointers and or support which may or may not help as we do not know about you. Moreover the information you provided are vague and very superficial. There may be deeper issues which need addressing before you can grow, etc.

So if you really think you need help, I suggest you seek professional help. Good luck.

[sum1outhere_03]

Hey there,

I hope what I'm sharing may not be too boring...

Actually I do share a similar experience with some of you here.

Perhaps it's my small build since young (genetic as my parents are too).

In secondary school, I got bullied a lot.

I meant a lot, even though I was a prefect (although I wanted some authority myself to prevent myself get bullied but failed).

It was that time, I felt justice is not with me because I still got bullied.

And worse still, the 1997 haze made me turned with a nasal voice.

That even made my classmates want to tease me even more, and made me even more mad.

I couldn't forgive myself and I couldn't forgive my friends because they tease me for who I am.

They called me names till I felt numb.

After graduation, I couldn't seem to get over, and somehow I need some change, but just don't know how.

I was still frustrated, still with the nasal, still skinny, still lack of confidence in myself too...

Until recently, about 3 years ago, I discovered that if you're unhappy with how you are right now, YOU CAN CHANGE THAT.

I start with MY MIND, a place where you start to CHANGE... I think about how or what I wanna become. I was still underweight.

But I had a goal change - I want to become 60kg in weight, so I made up my mind. I began to see myself how I look like, having that weight.

I began seeing myself becoming more date-able (forgive me of being shallow here haha) and after that, I see myself having more confidence in me

because I saw the changed person in myself.

Of course, in reality, right now, I couldn't say that I have had achieved it all... But, the change is gradual.

I'm weigh slightly heavier now, have been looking out how to do workout that help me grow my muscles, eating more every time to gain mass and weight.

What I want to say here is, you don't have to give up on yourself...

No matter what your age is, you can start to CHANGE if you don't like the current you.

But to start changing, you have to start with your mind first. If you can see it, you can have it.

See yourself as having that confidence you always wanted... In your mind. Feel good about it. Then start working on how you can achieve it.

Yea, and seek help if needed.

I hope I am not too long winded and all the best, dude.