Am I Ugly?+Scarring / Weight Issues, Etc. Resulted In Inferior Complex & Low Self-Esteem - So How To Build Confident? (compiled)

[GachiMuchi]

Homosexuality is far more complicated than that. It goes in really deep. It's not so much about people finding out but more so on what they'll do after finding out.

You show your pic on Bw a public Gay forum and you are fearful that people will know you are gay? What gives. I am scratching my head.

You really need to NOT over think things. If you are worried about dying alone in an ulu flat, you can plan for your future and prevent the What-IF from happening and not over worry over it. Your negativity is the problem. I suggest you contact Oogachaga counselors for some help.

[Guest Lunarstone]

You show your pic on Bw a public Gay forum and you are fearful that people will know you are gay? What gives. I am scratching my head.

You really need to NOT over think things. If you are worried about dying alone in an ulu flat, you can plan for your future and prevent the What-IF from happening and not over worry over it. Your negativity is the problem. I suggest you contact Oogachaga counselors for some help.

I'm putting this picture here because I KNOW that this IS A GAY forum. Which means that I should be comfortable here. The people that I'm worried about are those that are anti-gay, and you won't know for sure until they beat you into a pulp.

[Guest Lunarstone]

I'm afraid that my mom will kick me out of the house or my dad will hate me forever. I'm kinda scared that people in my family who are openly homophobic will hate me. I'm scared people of the same sex in my family will treat me different.

There are so few gay men around that I am afraid that I will never meet anybody like me. Everybody at school makes fun of gay people. How long can you stay in the closet without being driven insane?

[GachiMuchi]

I'm putting this picture here because I KNOW that this IS A GAY forum. Which means that I should be comfortable here. The people that I'm worried about are those that are anti-gay, and you won't know for sure until they beat you into a pulp.

What makes you think str8 people won't come in here? Yes, when they know you are gay, your classmates, your colleagues, your peers will beat the shit out of you and spit on you for being gay. If that happens i think you will be the first gay men to be beaten to death and you most probably be on the front page of all mayor papers and news. IF that happens you will be famous and everyone will know you are gay.

But come to think of it. I've yet to see a new on that yet. Singapore is a NOT a lawless state and some Singaporeans may discriminate gay but I have yet to come across str8 that are gay bashers, like in other more open country.

So instead of investing you brain juice in unproductive, negative, bo-liao thoughts, please do yourself a favour and invest your time and energy in something more tangible, like a hobby, gym, etc.

[Guest Lunarstone]

I want to come out to my parents, but they are so close-minded and they think that all gays should be burned. I already have a bad relationship with my parents and coming out will only make my relationship with them worse. I'm so scared and I don't know what to do! I'm also tired of my parents' comments about gays. They always say things like "They are disgusting and perverted." I wish that I could move out, but like I said, I am dependent on my parents since I'm only 18.

Not just my parents but other people in this world too. I know that you'll always find people like that everywhere you go and that you can't please everyone but it's so difficult to handle these situations.

[GachiMuchi]

I'm afraid that my mom will kick me out of the house or my dad will hate me forever. I'm kinda scared that people in my family who are openly homophobic will hate me. I'm scared people of the same sex in my family will treat me different.

There are so few gay men around that I am afraid that I will never meet anybody like me. Everybody at school makes fun of gay people. How long can you stay in the closet without being driven insane?

You are already an adult, if your parent should kick you out of their house, I am sure, you are old enough to take care of yourself. Financial status aside, I think you can still work part time, etc. to earn your keep and support yourself. It may be tough but nothing is impossible when you have a will. The worst part of this story is you give up trying and wallow in your own self pity about how bad your life is, etc.

It's your life, you take charge.

[Guest guest]

I think you need some kind of counseling section.. maybe Brix can help here.

[GachiMuchi]

I want to come out to my parents, but they are so close-minded and they think that all gays should be burned. I already have a bad relationship with my parents and coming out will only make my relationship with them worse. I'm so scared and I don't know what to do! I'm also tired of my parents' comments about gays. They always say things like "They are disgusting and perverted." I wish that I could move out, but like I said, I am dependent on my parents since I'm only 18.

Not just my parents but other people in this world too. I know that you'll always find people like that everywhere you go and that you can't please everyone but it's so difficult to handle these situations.

Why is there a need to come out to your parents. You live the life you choose and you are who you are. You don't hv to shout to the whole world that you are gay. Your life is ur life. Will anyone be bother to know if you are gay? Unless you have an objective or a particular reason for them to know.

Why do u need to please everyone? What are you? Customer service or are you providing some sort of service? Even them can't please everyone, let alone you. Stop trying so hard. Just be yourself. If you need help, try Oogachaga.

[derryfawne]

I'm afraid that my mom will kick me out of the house or my dad will hate me forever. I'm kinda scared that people in my family who are openly homophobic will hate me. I'm scared people of the same sex in my family will treat me different.

There are so few gay men around that I am afraid that I will never meet anybody like me. Everybody at school makes fun of gay people. How long can you stay in the closet without being driven insane?

You're only scared of the unknown. I don't know about you, but each and every single friend I've come out to had been receptive and doesn't treat me any differently. Of course, you would still need to be able to tell the people-with-tolerance from the homophobics.

If any, in our society, I bet that homophobics are viewed more negatively than homosexuals are.

And there are lots of gay men around. I've met people like us everywhere, on my CCA activities, on my internship workplace, my coursemates, fellow scholarship holder, even my university dorm next-door neighbour... you'll be surprised when you find out who among your friends are gays. And if nothing helps anymore, there's always Grindr lol.

[XiaoMessy]

Something to motivate you.

Less the commercial part.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um9KsrH377A

Summary: You can shine, whoever you are. (:

I think what you should do is not to think so much, especially pessimistically.

Go with the flow, you don't have to be gay (or let anyone know or the likes) to enjoy life.

Edited November 21, 2011 by XiaoMessy

[Guest Lunarstone]

Something to motivate you.

Less the commercial part.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um9KsrH377A

Summary: You can shine, whoever you are. (:

I think what you should do is not to think so much, especially pessimistically.

Go with the flow, you don't have to be gay (or let anyone know or the likes) to enjoy life.

'Cause We Know Pantene Shampoo Will Make All This Come True. Made me tear anyway.

Edited November 21, 2011 by Lunarstone

[Guest crazy]

For goodness sake, you are not disfigured are you?. I just saw this young lady on the mrt with horrid patches on her face and yet she still put in effort to dress up. I see strength and admire her so much for it. You would probably stay at home and not come out if you were her. stop whining. you are not drop dead gorgeous (only 10 per cent of any population by the way) but you have youth on your side and from your pix, actually so much potential. Just go and do something about it. Can't you see really ugly people who are way happier than you? Think about it.

[Foreign Talent]

Hi Lunarstone,

Yeah you know, what you're feeling is totally natural. Everyone has a desire to feel attractive - even those who do not verbalize it are simply keeping their thoughts to themselves. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having that desire.

Try a different look - get a haircut, try contact lenses, have fun finding a new image, talk about it with your friends and hear what they have to say.

At the end of the day, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Remember you can never ever appeal to everyone, so stop worrying about the issue. As long as you're happy with yourself, that's all that matters.

[RinTinTin]

@Lunarstone

Same situation as you, I have like 4 sisters and being the only son it's pretty usual for them to expect me to carry on the family name and stuff like that.

My parents don't favor me over my sisters and vice versa. But they kept asking me if I'm getting a gf anytime soon and I just look at them with a pokerface.

Oh and your looks aren't that bad, and also, nobody should be allowed to judge how one looks and all, pretty sure the other forumers have pointed this out so I'm not gonna elaborate more on it.

[Guest Marad44]

... you need some kind of counseling...

Question to Lunarstone: Could you be having apprehension about coming out to a counselor? Are you unsure that your privacy would be at stake ~ that someone in the organization or your records might 'out' you?

I read up on Oogachaga, including its programs, counselling and organization. (http://www.oogachaga...c_organizations).

Edited November 21, 2011 by Marad44

[IkuTube]

You are, indeed, a smart young man, Lunarstone. You are able to think and, often, able to defend yourself. Unfortunately, and I shall echo with Gachi - "Your negativity is the problem".

But let's put judgement aside. I would love to hear your understanding when Gachi wrote "Your looks is what you are born with which is your hardware, while your feelings about yourself is your software (your mind)". What do you think of it and how would you want, with relation to your 'Feeling Insecure Everyday', to interpret it?

Let's move on. If you want (and choose), maybe you might want to give some time to do with the following exercise:

01. Rank the type of attitude by its importance to you - Positive, Constructive, Compassionate, Trustworthy, Ethical

02. What is your dominant attitude?

03. What is your weakest attitude?

04. Think of 'Life' and then give it a metaphor. That is, Life is .....

[Takuya29]

I do hope that you will manage to get through this phase and get on with your life. There are more important things in life that you have and should worry about. It may not be now but in the near future.

[Guest Marad44]

You need empowerment.So...say Thanks the people who stare and scrutinized you,Things happens for a reason,It's okay to be confused.."Own" the average looking look.;;;

Sound advice!

[imchaser]

I just want to tell you that some people have war in their countries.

[Guest Secure Bitch]

I just want to tell you that some people have war in their countries.

LOL, great one there :clap:

[Guest MG]

I just want to tell you that some people have war in their countries.

I don't think it's fair to use that to generalize his situation. Don't compare world catastrophes with personal inner struggles because they are two very different things.

It is often such stuff that outsiders or friends or even family members say that sometimes lead to suicides of those at the receiving end.

[Guest amidst_the_stars]

I don't think it's fair to use that to generalize his situation. Don't compare world catastrophes with personal inner struggles because they are two very different things.

It is often such stuff that outsiders or friends or even family members say that sometimes lead to suicides of those at the receiving end.

GM No. 2 eh?

LOL

[XiaoMessy]

Currently my father doesn't speak of anything of the sort and my mum has accepted my lifestyle saying things like "Next time better not treat your husband like that" or "Aye,the guys you bring home got take my newspaper anot?"

Cool mom you have!

[Foreign Talent]

@Lunarstone

Same situation as you, I have like 4 sisters and being the only son it's pretty usual for them to expect me to carry on the family name and stuff like that.

My parents don't favor me over my sisters and vice versa. But they kept asking me if I'm getting a gf anytime soon and I just look at them with a pokerface.

Oh and your looks aren't that bad, and also, nobody should be allowed to judge how one looks and all, pretty sure the other forumers have pointed this out so I'm not gonna elaborate more on it.

Hi Xavier,

Oh I should so totally introduce your parents to my parents man. I have two older sisters and am the only son.

My parents are totally cool with me being gay and married to a man - even my dad has commented that my hubby treats me so much better than the way my sister's husband treats her and that i am the LUCKY one to have found someone so nice to settle down with.

Would they have rather I married a woman and have kids? Yes lah, but at the end of the day, my sister is the one with the husband who always argues with her and it is clear that not all straight marriages lead to happiness. Even my parents recognize that and whilst our parents can be salah at times, at the end of the day, they are motivated by love - not malice, not selfishness, not greed - just love. They can see that I am a lot happier than my sister, it's that simple. They can see I am happy and that's all that matters.

I'd like to think that your parents do care about your happiness too at the end of the day and you will believe that they are not malicious, selfish nor greedy in any way when it comes to considering your happiness.

That's why I would so love for your parents to meet mine.

[Guest Marad44]

It's interesting to see guys telling of parental support. Is there a grouping of parents of gay & lesbian children in Singapore?

[Exynos]

You really reminded me of myself a year ago. I'm not way better now but I do think that I feel better about myself.

You know what the most important thing is? It's to do whatever you can to protect that little bit of happiness in front of you. There isn't a point in worrying about things that haven't happened. I mean, shouldn't your future & your life be more than just you not being alone? For me, it also is a part of my future plans, when I wanna get my Degree and Masters, which company I wanna work at, and all that stuff... you just need to realize there's a lot of other things in your life that matter as well.

"If you have a feeling of despair, please remember

'This day called, "Today" in which you're going to give up on

Is the "Tomorrow" that somewhere, someone didn't want to give up on'

If you run into a wall, please remember

'This day called, "Today" in which you're going to lose

Is the "Tomorrow" that somewhere, someone didn't want to lose"

RED LINE ~for TA~ - ayumi hamasaki

& I agree with imchaser - there're a lot of other things in your life to be grateful. You've a roof above your head, a stable education, food to eat every day... no worries about whether tomorrow would be the day you would break apart (not emotionally, but REAL cannot tahan anymore)... it's so unfair to these little things in life, don't you think so?

[Guest Marad44]

'If you have a feeling of despair, please remember

This day called, "Today" in which you're going to give up on

Is the "Tomorrow" that somewhere, someone didn't want to give up on'

If you run into a wall, please remember

This day called, "Today" in which you're going to lose

Is the "Tomorrow" that somewhere, someone didn't want to lose'

- ayumi hamasaki

Nice catch CaptainMarvelous! Confucius couldn't have said it better!

Edited November 22, 2011 by Marad44

[keyboard]

@Lunarstone, even Punggol is no longer considered ulu seeing how the recent BTO is selling like hot cakes. But being poor and alone might come true hee~

@chublion, try learning how to cut calories, you'll be able to loose quite a lot and get to a plateu

@TS, if face skin is a problem (can't see really well from picture), get some money and go facial regularly, home based are generally cheaper, go once every two to three weeks (aim to keep it clean, no need expensive treatment they try to sell you), takes about 6 months to see improvement, acne scars are very hard to get rid of. Good skin on guys can be a turn on

[LoveAtFirstSight]

I need to start opening up to people, instead of bottling up everything...

Pardon me, I'm terrible when it comes to expressing myself.

I'm 18 years old this year and pretty much accomplished nothing, never good in my studies, no interest, spends time on my computer most of the time.

Only have a few friends, and I was once told that I'm too eccentric.

Someone once asked me if I'm extremely OCD. Of course, I don't know. But I have a phobia of dirtyness, germ wise or whatever, I hate to sweat, because I feel I need to bath immediately after sweating. I'm a little bit of a perfectionist (But nothing accomplished/well done, how pathetic )

I've ever thought of suciding, but that's quite awhile ago, no worries, I won't ever think of suciding again.

I always feel that people are talking behind my back, laughing at how ugly I am because my head looks big because I'm very very small-sized for a guy, don't like sports, no strength at all, even some girls can easily push me away and my ugly buck teeth is bothering me a lot, although I've only had a few people who laughed at my buck teeth throughout my whole life, so I guess it's not THAT bad, but I just can't help thinking that way.

-Oh gosh, this feels like I'm introducing myself, in my words, but gah. I think I really need to tell someone all this-

Okay, this is my problem, I'm fine with making friends and such, usually people take initiatives to talk to me, whereas I'm most of the time too shy to talk to strangers.

However, I always feel that none of my friends are truly loyal/real to me, it just seem as though they're wearing masks, and when they takes their mask off, they treat me coldly. Few of them are genuinely good, but none of them are close to me, they don't even bother to ask to keep in contact or whatever after graduation or whatever.

I'm still closeted, I did not tell anyone of my sexual orientation, but I know most of my classmates, both gender talks about me behind my back. I know a few people from my clique are spectaculating that I'm gay/bi.

I have not been in a relationship, both male and female (I'm bi, but I like guys most of the time). Though I almost went into relationship with a girl when I was only 13.

I'm now kind of worried, but no one to talk to, thus, I need to write all these here...

I'm worried about my future, what will my future be like, I think I need a goal to work towards, or I'll be stuck with poor results in school and little to no jobs outside.

I'm also worried about my health, especially when I'm about to go for a health check before NS. Also worried about what it will be like in the NS, how will I cope and such.

I'm sorry for all these nonsense...

[bludragon]

Just take note, taking a step out from your comfort zone is one of the stepping stones.

I cant give advice about OCD. I have a female friend who freak out when having meals in hawker centres.

But you can make a change with your habits.

[luke84]

i FEEL that the reasons why people feel have low self-esteem, is partly because they felt inferior.

from personal experience(and concluded that), this is simply because you are not like the rest.

so usually the hierarchy goes this way.

1)people who obtained what the public dream of. (good bod, rich, cars, condo, scholars) if you achieve other's dream, they will put you in high regards.

2)people who are just like the others.

3)people who are worse off than majority of the people (unable to maintain the average norm for builds, looks, academic results, social moral values, work wise and social economic status, broken families)

most people with low self esteem are in group 3. they are regarded as "worse off" and being human, they are laughed at, teased at, discussed about because they are different. the act of unconscious bully and "righteousness" in excluding "people who are worse" makes one felt inferior and starts to get sensitive, and be fearful of what others say.

how to get rid of the low self esteem?

1) be like them, achieve the standard of norm. join the majority. ( which means you might have to give up on your uniqueness)

2) be in group one, excel in other areas so that you will feel less inferior.

3)ignore them, learn to be independent and find your inner peace (find your strength and know your uniqueness, which differs from social norms, is something that others cannot obtain, but that might means exclusion from the outside world)

most people go for 1, some really determined people goes to 2, but i dunno how to judge people from 3... is it escaping, or is it a even higher level of mindset??

i'm trying to do option 1.

[innocense]

When I was 18yo I also pretty much accomplished nothing but I did well in my studies. Same as you I spent most of my time on the computer and during that age I keep playing 'Maplestory'.

However, I'm already very financial independent (never take $ from parents at all) at that age in a sense that I hold a part-time job while I'm still schooling.

About the appearance, like you I also have people laughing at me. I'm wearing a spec, got this big and thick-hair like a helmet and my classmates always like to call me nerd. In fact there is this girl from next class always shout at me 'NERD' whenever she saw me.

I was pissed and sad but I tried to let this emotions affect me the least and just focus on my studies.

Finally when I entered poly life my 1st and 2nd year was bad. I cannot get along well with my classmates at all. In fact all of them actually boycott me. I did not let this affect me in anyway as I know the fact that I'm here in poly main objective is to graduate and get a diploma so everything else is really not important.

Many of them also talk or laugh at me behind my back but later on I slowly have some classmates who are willing to make friends with me and I expand from there. I found out the reason why they are boycotting me from one of my classmate and I start to change form there and later on most of them are cool with me already.

About making friends I guess you cannot always wait for them to contact you right? You also need to take the initiative to make a bonding with them.

Forget about the keep in contact thing as it is just a good gesture everybody used to end a conversation nicely but they don't really will keep in contact with you unless you guys are really close.

Don't be paranoid about people wearing a mask or whatever, why would they want to be fake to you? Does it do them any good? People only wear a mask and not real to people only when they want to try to get some benefits from a person. As if you will give them some benefits if they are friend to you if not why would they want to be fake to you?

About your future, I guess you just need to take sometime to figure out what you really want to do in life then from there you think of ways on how to achieve it.

Edited July 21, 2012 by innocense

[Guest Wisdom]

You are a perfectionist indeed. You bother about your appearance very much, I suggest u do a makeover to increase your self esteem as a first step.

With your first step out, u can then improve on your social skills, remember you only need your family and a few true friends around you to survive in this world.

You are just 18, you need to attend army training for 2 years and you will change for the better, trust me you will grow up stronger and tougher to withstand all odds.

Never give up, cos I believe everyone has a unique skillset inborn with, you just néed time to develop it, cheers!

[iamziz]

I reckon one of the main culprits of killing someone's confidence is the fear of being judged for everything one does. In reality, many don't care. They might give u a look or comment when they don't agree to what you do or how you dress or whatever and after that, they leave you alone. The fear of always being looked at when we are not. Unless you get idiots who think they are much better and want to take charge of your life which AT ALL TIMES it is a definite no.

Learn to live your life. While meeting new people, give them the benefit of doubt and refrain from making judgement as if you start doing that, it is like taking a red pen and marking everyone.

Life is too short to live other people's lives.

[LoveAtFirstSight]

Thank you all for your input, I actually didn't really finish writing... I wrote this pass 12AM and there was a cockroach flying around and I'm freaking out like crazy..

Need to clear up somethings here...

I always feel that people are wearing mask because I always have people thinking that I'm "well-off" and currently, my classmates all think that I'm "rich". But if fact I'm just of "middle-class" if you want to judge that way. Also, I always have teachers choosing me to do certain task and I once asked why, a teacher say because they feel that I'm more "sensible" compared to other classmates. But I know they are helping me because I'm from a single-parent family and I've been through things like the decease of one of my parents and appeared on news (this is years ago, nobody remembers that incident I don't want to talk about).

I don't have problems with friends, but usually they just get tired of me or whatever, it usually starts good, whether in primary, secondary or in the school I'm currently in. I was also once told that I'm a natural "friend-magnet", people usually talk to me first - which I guess is a good thing. But I do not have any "close-friends", those that are closer than any friends of yours, just all the same. And usually they have a "close-friend" to pair up with.

Like in school, when teachers ask us to pair up, I'm usually the odd one without a partner...

AND most importantly, I recently overheard a conversation from my clique and realise why they're starting to boycott me, like not asking me when they go out or whatever.

They find me too "strict" and someone said I'm too "matured" to be with them, and yes, I find them childish most of the time doing nonsensical things and none of them have the "study-mindset" and my results was one of the best in my clique.

I think I'm a perfectionist because I wanted to be in the top 10 in class, but recently fell off the list and feel very demoralized. (My perfectionistism starts when I entered my current school, I did badly for my O'levels). I'm always telling people I'm afraid of failing this exam and such, but I can't help it. And they usually just say "if you fail, the whole class will fail " then they start laughing, I felt like an idiot but I can't help saying that...

Also, looks wise - I do have people laughing at me because of my nerdy look - They didn't say, but I know, wearing specs weird hair.

Weird hair I mean really weird, like the centerpoint of your head, where hair grows out from, looks like a hole usually... I don't know what you call that.. but people usually have 1 or 2 holes, I actually have 3, and 2 of them on the sides which makes my hair stands up alot... I've only seen someone like me with 3 holes ONCE, and I asked my parents once and they said that the more holes you have, the fiercer you will be - I'm not sure if that's the case, but I hardly get angry, and once I do, I'm very hot-headed and say all nasty things and such...

But the problem is, no hairstyles fits me, once they grow slightly longer, it'll look all the same...

Edited July 22, 2012 by LoveAtFirstSight

[SeannyShortcake]

Don't be overly affected by your appearance.

One can always take steps to improve it.

I've seen many ordinary guys change their image to look extremely attractive.

Besides,always remember that no matter how bad you look,there'll always be a greater demon.

[iamziz]

These simple words might give a a little kick

Edited July 22, 2012 by iamziz

[abang]

Never think you are lesser than anyone.

Lady Gaga sings." We are born superstars.. I'm beautiful in my own way cos God makes no mistake"..

At 18, self-confidence is purely based on peer acceptance.

It is NOT your fault if you feel that you have not accomplished anything in life.

It is NEVER to late to start...

You are OK when you want things to be spick and span.

If you think you are weird and different, try to ignore these facts.

If you think you look ugly and no hairstyle suits you, shave it BALD....that could be your style of choice.

Mingle around...

Instead, spend your time wisely outside of your SAFE enclave.

Go out and mix with your friends, old and new ones.

Tame your tongue, put on a big and real smile.

Listen to others and talk less.

You certainly need to boost your social life.

Finally, be less sensitive to what you's in your head...

Learn to let go of those silly thoughts...

[happy.99]

oh my gosh! at 18 you are telling me you never accomplish anything? that is really terrible! are 18 yo now suppose to have accomplish something big? then i really need to jump down and kill myself for not accomplishing anything at 40? you are only 18, relax and give yourself a break! use the 2 years in the army and think through what you like to accomplish in stages.

I also have buck teeth and my friends always say bah geh! bah geh! i just laugh it off as I tot it was funny too! don't take it so hard. And there is nothing wrong with being clean! I am also a very clean person. If I sweat at work, i will go to the rest room and powder myself dry since I can't bathe.

If you say people are wearing mask? then are you judging them as much as they are judging you? don't be judgmental.

Before i went army, i made myself do some prep and exercise. take it this way, learn from the people around. see how they talk and create a style for yourself. army is a good place to mingle and make a lot of friend. be nice and helpful. if you want loyal friends, first you need to prove that you are a loyal friend yourself.

You really need to relax, there are people who are worst off than you.

Edited July 22, 2012 by happy.99

[iamziz]

You really need to relax, there are people who are worst off then you.

Yeap. Always a gd reminder for ourselves when we excel in life, someone is much better. Be humble. When we think that the world has crashes on us, someone out there is worst. Be strong. Ain't easy but worth the fight.

[Manbane]

Your issue can be easily solved..go gym. There is a thread about gay guys answer to everything thing which is partially true.

From what you are saying, you are insecure/ a bit too mature for people of your age/ have no real friends and suffer from image problem.

1. Image problem -- well u r 18 and still growing..go gym and change your physique. At least u have a goal to attend. Than just with right clothing and a decent hair stylist you will be transformed..its not that difficult really. Sounds shallow..but it sure works.

2. No real friends? Probably its the way u handle people. If u tend to be too mature for your grp of friends, you need to find people that can appreciates you. Chances are, you will find better friends when u open up your circle of friends. They do exist but somewhat harder to find especially at age 18.

3. Changes come from within. You are still young, not that healthy to be too forward looking. I was like that when i was very young...till age 22 i make a conscious effort to be more "himbo" and life actually becomes easier. Thinker tend to not "live" life and worry too much. Life is really too short, so dont waste time and live each and every moment.

My suggestion is -- just set a goal to change your image. Go GYM (very important part of the equation) and become a hunk. Than people will flock to you and in the process, you can either -- become shallow..or just have a wider selection of friends who ultimately will have intellectuals that can click with you.

Also, if you feel constantly being judged, you probably are. But its not just you, everyone judge each other from the moment each person meets. For me, i like to be surrounded by positive energy people-- i dont have time for moody/ negative energy feel people as life is already difficult as it is.. its good to have good friends to share..but i dont need more negativity. Real friends take long time to build, you did be lucky to have 2 or 3 when u reach 30 plus that can share your life. Many are just passing phase really which is no biggie.

Just separate the group

1. friends because u guys in same class/ eca/ same organisation

2. friends for a life time

If you cant find 2, just have patience...reality is not everyone have friends for a life time actually contrary to popular beliefs. Most people think they do have,

but not realizing the friends fall into category 1)-- situational friends.

[Guest insecurity]

I do have losta scar on my leg and bod and always been very insecure about it.

Its a superficial world, everyone judges on how you present yourself and i always feel so ashame to expose those scars because its really bad.

 

Jus wondering how many people out there face such issues/insecurity?

would be nice to share what you are facing/going thru.

And remedy contribution would be nice~!

 

 

Cheers!~

[rotikawin]

Has someone rejected you because of your scar? My partner has scars here and there and it NEVER bothered me.

[member_757]

Peoplw should accept who you are. Even your imperfections

[gongtang]

Lots of stretched mark on my butt. Dunno why they are there also. Wasnt fat in the first place. If ppl needs to see it, I try to make the lighting not so exposing of those marks first

[Guest scarred]

If the body scars are a lot n serious, they will give pple (or just me?) the impression that the person is unhygienic or infected with something.

So i will make sure to do the basic things to protect my body from scars or damage, such as applying lotion after shower, applying sunblock while swimming under the hot sun, refrain from scratching till skin breaks when itchy, apply healing cream as soon as poss after skin breaks...

What i m insecure abt is the acne scars on my face, which i always make them less visible by applying concealer before leaving the hse

[EasleyLim]

I do have losta scar on my leg and bod and always been very insecure about it.

Its a superficial world, everyone judges on how you present yourself and i always feel so ashame to expose those scars because its really bad.

 

Jus wondering how many people out there face such issues/insecurity?

would be nice to share what you are facing/going thru.

And remedy contribution would be nice~!

 

 

Cheers!~

 

Rather than trying to fix the scars, why not try not giving a fuck about those people?

Edited August 25, 2013 by EasleyLim

[rotikawin]

Like what the wise man says very often your worst enemy is yourself.

Perhaps you are the one judging yourself.

Conquer that demon within yourself

[Guest IamTooUgly]

Hi, i've just recently discovered this website. I really wanna get to know more people by joining groups/chat from this website, but I realised that there are really alot of handsome guys in this place. Personally, I think I am ugly, although quite a few people call me cute(Mostly from girls..no i want guys to call me cute! D:). I dare not join any groups/chat thinking that I will be rejected and shamed since I believe that we gay are actually quite particular about the looks(This is just a generalised assumption from me). I think I have a little bit of problem. I think I am also ugly to such a extent that I don't see the need for me to style my hair, wear nice clothes/jeans like what a normal 19 year old guy would. I wouldn't make much difference to my look anyway. T_T

[Guest Smelly one]

You may want to post your photo here and let us be the judge whether you are ugly or not? This way, you can get rid of all the fears and concerns.