Dilemma

[Biolab999]

Just seeking out different opinions. Please do not hestiate to contribute. Thks.

Perhaps and rather it is only because I am in the internet that I can be absolutely frank. In real life, I am truly leading a lonely life of which, I definitely wanted to change that.

Throughout my primary and secondary school days, I am both an introvert and anti-social. I have especially low self-esteem and no classmates particularly like me. It is simply indifference as though I am invisible. I entered secondary school days alone without friends and graduated without farewells. During my secondary school days, I had a one-sided infatuation with a fellow male classmate. Those are difficult times... Especially due to my low self-esteem... Not only do I have to avoid him, I had also purposely done things that will make him detest me because my upbringing tells me that homosexuality is wrong.

It is only after I entered Army that my heart slowly opened up and slowly learn to be more understanding. I learnt to so-called patronize my so-called NS mates in their topics etc. Because I simply do not click with them yet I fully understand that by drawing a clear line between them and me, it clearly means making my life during my service a living hell.

After I left army, I began to work in the logistic line - Haulier services, for anyone that knows the trade. It had been 2 years since I started working there. Because of my current designation as the assistant operation, I worked from Monday to Saturday from morning till night and every alternate Sunday.

While I was working, I simply turned to a workaholic. However, there is never a single night that I do not feel lonely. I somehow feel that even though I am only 22 years old now, my mentality is really beyond that. Sometimes, I really want to act childish and sort of show it out. Yet circumstances does not allow. Friends only get more rare as you became older, trusted friend is very much more worse.

As i am writing this, it is no longer about homosexuality or heterosexuality. Rather, I want a person who can share and have the ability to open my heart. Even though it is a fact that I almost do not have any free time daily due to my intense working hours, I must also admit that I did not put in any effort to find the person that I wanted.

As of conclusion, please provide me your opinions and if any, recommendations of any path that perhaps I should take. Despite my intense working hours, I do love my job which otherwise, I will not be able to endure it for 2 years already. Even though It may be quite arrogant of me to say this but I have no intention to meet anyone in this forum in person if they contact me not because I am arrogant but I had already exposed my vulnerabilities.

Thank you

Edited October 4, 2010 by Biolab999

[mamemo]

try going out to drink with colleagues. that a way of socializing wad. if nt drop by a gay bar have a few drinks alone and see if people approaches u.

for me i have been alone for so many years till i get used to it. for me i have a great social life but been really discreet. i dun really do alot of meet ups also... everyone needs to pamper himself. just do anything u like uh. btw i also going into logistic line...

[mango_juice]

i dunno but that sounds typical of an introvert's life.. i have similar life and have little friends now.. feel lonely at times but we have our family.. siblings and parents.. at least ur still young you have more opportunities..

[Guest manlybi]

hi

i not sure why u keep saying you have low self esteem?

also as a young man, you should open up yourself and talk to people, try to listen to people and you may not necessary agreed with them, but listen to them, especially your colleague or customers, family members,

try to pick up hobbies, sport, travelling etc, or further study etc

also try to forget the past, look at today and future

[Biolab999]

hi

i not sure why u keep saying you have low self esteem?

also as a young man, you should open up yourself and talk to people, try to listen to people and you may not necessary agreed with them, but listen to them, especially your colleague or customers, family members,

try to pick up hobbies, sport, travelling etc, or further study etc

also try to forget the past, look at today and future

Actually... I only mentioned I had low self-esteem once when i was young...

I do agree with the family members part... However, colleagues & customers are a complete different story. Colleagues are actually a double-edged sword. They may be especially helpful when you needed them or especially harmful during difficult times. Maintaining a good social relationship with colleagues are fine but going beyond that is especially special because being colleagues means work relation. Associated with work concerned money and position. This is why discerning the motives of our colleagues is very important. Customers may complain but may not necessary cause the harm to our career, it is colleagues that can dealt the deadly blow or save you from the brink of death. Alot of elements must be considered when it involves in colleagues going beyond that of friend.

As for customers, we are often not truthful to the customers. White lies are often said to provide assurances. As such, it is not possible to advance to the next step with customers. Going personal with the customers may result in dire consequences. Working adults should know that well. Semi-government or government personnel must know this fact.

Uh... I am back to my workaholic attitude. I do not go to bar... because i do not like to drink. I don't smoke either. I guess i am just a bore... haha

[ELTaz]

Life never stays still. You may be quiet most of your life but you can still shine.

Since you are more introspective (your language tells), you could find leisure in reading, philosophy or religion. In fact, getting yourself involved in religion will aid you in opening up your closed self.

[qazwsx]

Actually... I only mentioned I had low self-esteem once when i was young...

I do agree with the family members part... However, colleagues & customers are a complete different story. Colleagues are actually a double-edged sword. They may be especially helpful when you needed them or especially harmful during difficult times. Maintaining a good social relationship with colleagues are fine but going beyond that is especially special because being colleagues means work relation. Associated with work concerned money and position. This is why discerning the motives of our colleagues is very important. Customers may complain but may not necessary cause the harm to our career, it is colleagues that can dealt the deadly blow or save you from the brink of death. Alot of elements must be considered when it involves in colleagues going beyond that of friend.

As for customers, we are often not truthful to the customers. White lies are often said to provide assurances. As such, it is not possible to advance to the next step with customers. Going personal with the customers may result in dire consequences. Working adults should know that well. Semi-government or government personnel must know this fact.

Uh... I am back to my workaholic attitude. I do not go to bar... because i do not like to drink. I don't smoke either. I guess i am just a bore... haha

I was quite an introvert and shy guy when I was younger like your age. Never like to mingle around ppl and keep things to myself not even letting my family know. Not that I am extremely outgoing now, but I realize (probably with age) that ppl do care about you even if they do not say it. You should start by finding 1 or 2 gd and close frens to do activities that you all like. may not be a big thing but maybe a movie or sit down at a coffee place for an hour or 2 to chat about life/work/hobbies anything under the sun. get yourself involved in their lives, care for the ppl you like and naturally you will find yourself being engaged in a lot of ppl lives and ppl whom you care for.

[GachiMuchi]

After reading your post. I can roughly summerise your character.

1. Anti-social

2. Private

3. Loner

4. Has some Psychological issues

Throughout my primary and secondary school days, I am both an introvert and anti-social. I have especially low self-esteem and no classmates particularly like me. It is simply indifference as though I am invisible. I entered secondary school days alone without friends and graduated without farewells. During my secondary school days, I had a one-sided infatuation with a fellow male classmate. Those are difficult times... Especially due to my low self-esteem... Not only do I have to avoid him, I had also purposely done things that will make him detest me because my upbringing tells me that homosexuality is wrong.

No one is born with low self-esteem. Since you did not mentioned why you have low-self-esteem, I would presume that you either have some bodily "defects" or had some traumatic experience when you are young, family issues, etc. You might want to seek for help for some counseling session to find out what is the caused of ur esteem issues.

It is only after I entered Army that my heart slowly opened up and slowly learn to be more understanding. I learnt to so-called patronize my so-called NS mates in their topics etc. Because I simply do not click with them yet I fully understand that by drawing a clear line between them and me, it clearly means making my life during my service a living hell.

In the army, you did not open up your heart at all. In fact, you only become "smarter" because you realised that your "actions" will help you get a "better life" and that's it. It has nothing to do with opening your heart to people. Your heart is still "closed". You only do what you need to do to get along.

After I left army, I began to work in the logistic line - Haulier services, for anyone that knows the trade. It had been 2 years since I started working there. Because of my current designation as the assistant operation, I worked from Monday to Saturday from morning till night and every alternate Sunday.

While I was working, I simply turned to a workaholic. However, there is never a single night that I do not feel lonely. I somehow feel that even though I am only 22 years old now, my mentality is really beyond that. Sometimes, I really want to act childish and sort of show it out. Yet circumstances does not allow. Friends only get more rare as you became older, trusted friend is very much more worse.

Your loneliness stem from the fact that as much as you want to be loved, you have never actually open up yourself. Your heart is still closed and you do not easily let people into your life, regardless whether they are your family members, friends, colleagues, people you know online, etc.

As i am writing this, it is no longer about homosexuality or heterosexuality. Rather, I want a person who can share and have the ability to open my heart. Even though it is a fact that I almost do not have any free time daily due to my intense working hours, I must also admit that I did not put in any effort to find the person that I wanted.

See, you want people to have the ability "to open your heart", but how can anyone open your heart if you don't even allow them to get close enough to do so?

As of conclusion, please provide me your opinions and if any, recommendations of any path that perhaps I should take. Despite my intense working hours, I do love my job which otherwise, I will not be able to endure it for 2 years already. Even though It may be quite arrogant of me to say this but I have no intention to meet anyone in this forum in person if they contact me not because I am arrogant but I had already exposed my vulnerabilities.

Exposing your "vulnerabilities" when you are anonymous? Is that even considered as "Exposing".

Here are my suggestion/s

You need counseling help to find out what incident in your past had caused u to "become" introverted / low self-esteem. Without understanding your root cause, you certainly won't be able to move on or even open up your hearts.

Try Oogachaga. They have counselors that can help you.

How do you tell someone who is so protective about himself to open up? Well, you can't.

But you are getting there, because u realised that you need help and you are doing what you can (albeit being anonymous) to ask for help here.

So take it as my advice to seek professional help from the web url I gave.

[Biolab999]

After reading your post. I can roughly summerise your character.

1. Anti-social

2. Private

3. Loner

4. Has some Psychological issues

No one is born with low self-esteem. Since you did not mentioned why you have low-self-esteem, I would presume that you either have some bodily "defects" or had some traumatic experience when you are young, family issues, etc. You might want to seek for help for some counseling session to find out what is the caused of ur esteem issues.

In the army, you did not open up your heart at all. In fact, you only become "smarter" because you realised that your "actions" will help you get a "better life" and that's it. It has nothing to do with opening your heart to people. Your heart is still "closed". You only do what you need to do to get along.

Your loneliness stem from the fact that as much as you want to be loved, you have never actually open up yourself. Your heart is still closed and you do not easily let people into your life, regardless whether they are your family members, friends, colleagues, people you know online, etc.

See, you want people to have the ability "to open your heart", but how can anyone open your heart if you don't even allow them to get close enough to do so?

Exposing your "vulnerabilities" when you are anonymous? Is that even considered as "Exposing".

Here are my suggestion/s

You need counseling help to find out what incident in your past had caused u to "become" introverted / low self-esteem. Without understanding your root cause, you certainly won't be able to move on or even open up your hearts.

Try Oogachaga. They have counselors that can help you.

How do you tell someone who is so protective about himself to open up? Well, you can't.

But you are getting there, because u realised that you need help and you are doing what you can (albeit being anonymous) to ask for help here.

So take it as my advice to seek professional help from the web url I gave.

Uh... your judgement and advise given are almost totally off topic...

First... having low self-esteem doesn't mean he is psychologically unstable.... Obviously, you did not put much thought into reading my post because I was having low self-esteem. "was" because it was during my secondary school years and I did not mention that i am still now.

Second... I admit wanting friends and be loved but i am not desperate in wanting friends and be loved. Thoughts and considerations must be made in getting the "right" friends. And no single person will easily open their hearts to stranger because common sense tells you that it is wrong. Therefore, you are stating the obvious...

Third... People won't simply open their hearts like some sort of fool to be trample upon. Most of the time, i simply give the hint and depending on the individual receiving...

Perhaps i should re-phrase myself again because it may be hard to actually catch the pearl of what i am saying... It is impossible to survive in the adult working world without friends. Yes, i do have alot of friends. What i want however, is how do i know "oh yes... he/she is the right one..."...

You should understand that a person with alot of friends may perhaps feel lonely and a person without friends may not necessary feel lonely. You may want to re-read my sentence again to understand what i am saying.

Edited October 6, 2010 by Biolab999

[GachiMuchi]

I think you better read and understand what I am writing first before you start getting defensive. You want opinions, you got opinions. If you can't deal with replies from strangers then don't bother asking. Otherwise a simple Thank you would be fine.

So you HAD low esteem. Do you know why you had low self esteem?

When in my post did I say you are "psychological unstable"? Asking you to seek counselors' help is not saying you are mentally unsound. ok.

Now, over your 22 years of life, how many Best/close friends you had? 1, 2 more or None?

When was the last time you ever been romantically involved? How long did it last? Never? Why?

You may want to re-read my post again minus the attitude and defensiveness.

You certainly are not psychological unstable but you may have low EQ.

[soxite]

I don't think it is easy to get out of the introverted personality easily as there will still be lingering parts of the personality existing. I use to be like that but also took a bit of time to be more open. I guess for now, due to the work timing, it would be tough to spend time with friends but do make an effort and try to know more about current affairs so there are more things to talk about. Besides, I am sure you have some interests and can work from there by knowing people with similar interests.

For me, I started out in a relationship and found it hard to make friends as this circle is either sex or LTR. At least along the way, I get to know people here and there and there are some friends whom we kept in touch for a long time though we seldom have the chance to meet due to our busy schedule. But when we do, we just spend time enjoying each others' company and laugh if off at each others' peculiar character or jokes. We just enjoy the time together and not bother about the good or bad or each other. But of course, being open and making the effort to talk is important to keep things alive.

You can work out with groups of similar interests or concentrate on one or two colleagues or friends. It won't be easy but don't give up. You are still young, and opportunities are there.

[Biolab999]

I don't think it is easy to get out of the introverted personality easily as there will still be lingering parts of the personality existing. I use to be like that but also took a bit of time to be more open. I guess for now, due to the work timing, it would be tough to spend time with friends but do make an effort and try to know more about current affairs so there are more things to talk about. Besides, I am sure you have some interests and can work from there by knowing people with similar interests.

For me, I started out in a relationship and found it hard to make friends as this circle is either sex or LTR. At least along the way, I get to know people here and there and there are some friends whom we kept in touch for a long time though we seldom have the chance to meet due to our busy schedule. But when we do, we just spend time enjoying each others' company and laugh if off at each others' peculiar character or jokes. We just enjoy the time together and not bother about the good or bad or each other. But of course, being open and making the effort to talk is important to keep things alive.

You can work out with groups of similar interests or concentrate on one or two colleagues or friends. It won't be easy but don't give up. You are still young, and opportunities are there.

I believe you are right... It is especially because time is so precious that I should spend more on things that I truly wanted... Like you suggested, It is definitely not easy but for the sake of what I wanted, I believe it is worth the effort. I will see what I can do.

Thank you very much !

[Biolab999]

I think you better read and understand what I am writing first before you start getting defensive. You want opinions, you got opinions. If you can't deal with replies from strangers then don't bother asking. Otherwise a simple Thank you would be fine.

So you HAD low esteem. Do you know why you had low self esteem?

When in my post did I say you are "psychological unstable"? Asking you to seek counselors' help is not saying you are mentally unsound. ok.

Now, over your 22 years of life, how many Best/close friends you had? 1, 2 more or None?

When was the last time you ever been romantically involved? How long did it last? Never? Why?

You may want to re-read my post again minus the attitude and defensiveness.

You certainly are not psychological unstable but you may have low EQ.

Even I found myself silly arguing with you... But i will cut things short.

Your first post wrote... "having some psychological issues" definitely refers the person as psychologically unstable. A psychologically stable person will not have psychological issues. Crap...

And yes... It is only because I know why I HAD low self-esteem that I am able to not anymore.

You are totally not helping.

Especially when... You are very adamant in your judgement that the post simply give me the feeling that what you judged means the truth. And It only serves to make me further believe it is so because you further emphasize on your judgement and criticize critically on my reply even going as far as "human attack" by comparing the number of best/close friends & romance.

Edited October 7, 2010 by Biolab999

[soxite]

I believe you are right... It is especially because time is so precious that I should spend more on things that I truly wanted... Like you suggested, It is definitely not easy but for the sake of what I wanted, I believe it is worth the effort. I will see what I can do.

Thank you very much !

I am sure you will make it out alright.

[GachiMuchi]

Even I found myself silly arguing with you... But i will cut things short.

Your first post wrote... "having some psychological issues" definitely refers the person as psychologically unstable. A psychologically stable person will not have psychological issues. Crap...

And yes... It is only because I know why I HAD low self-esteem that I am able to not anymore.

You are totally not helping.

Especially when... You are very adamant in your judgement that the post simply give me the feeling that what you judged means the truth. And It only serves to make me further believe it is so because you further emphasize on your judgement and criticize critically on my reply even going as far as "human attack" by comparing the number of best/close friends & romance.

Wow, you takes the cake when it comes to being defensive & negative. None of what I wrote is as exaggerated as what you assume I meant.

I am certain, I can't help you. What you need is some good serious counseling by professionals.

[Guest elgar90]

And no single person will easily open their hearts to stranger because common sense tells you that it is wrong. Therefore, you are stating the obvious...

Third... People won't simply open their hearts like some sort of fool to be trample upon. Most of the time, i simply give the hint and depending on the individual receiving...

haha, apparently im a no common sense person. thought can trust him, but got hurt 3 times. haiz.