Advice -- What To Do After Total Makeover?

[Guest vincent]

10 years ago, I was chunky. Not fat but chubby. I had a nice friendly round moon face. Met my boyfriend who loved to me to death despite telling me that he was not 100% into me because he was not attracted to me. NO idea why he dated me - he says it's my personality.

After 3 years of hard work in the gym and diet, my friends won’t recognize me now. My face became angular – with nice cheekbones. I have a glow on my face. And to top it all, nice pecs, v-shape back, perfect delts, biceps, triceps, and shoulders and a 6 pack. Before this, the goodlooking guys at the gym would not look at me. Most people who approached me were pretty average. Now, the goodlooking guys talk to me and ask me out. I’m now 44 by the way but could pass of as 35.

So many guys ask me out anywhere I go. It is out of control. It's like I went from a being a regular at Shogun to becoming the $!^*|-type. My boyfriend on the other hand became fat and is also 44 (but looks 55); I do not have the heart to tell him that I am not attracted to him. I do love him – unfortunately – I also do want to sleep with all these guys. I never had sex with the model-types!

What to do? Open relationship?

[Guest Show us]

Hey I'm impressed. Can you show us your before and after photo? And where do you work out. thank you.

[Guest Ironrod]

10 years ago, I was chunky. Not fat but chubby. I had a nice friendly round moon face. Met my boyfriend who loved to me to death despite telling me that he was not 100% into me because he was not attracted to me. NO idea why he dated me - he says it's my personality.

After 3 years of hard work in the gym and diet, my friends won’t recognize me now. My face became angular – with nice cheekbones. I have a glow on my face. And to top it all, nice pecs, v-shape back, perfect delts, biceps, triceps, and shoulders and a 6 pack. Before this, the goodlooking guys at the gym would not look at me. Most people who approached me were pretty average. Now, the goodlooking guys talk to me and ask me out. I’m now 44 by the way but could pass of as 35.

So many guys ask me out anywhere I go. It is out of control. It's like I went from a being a regular at Shogun to becoming the $!^*|-type. My boyfriend on the other hand became fat and is also 44 (but looks 55); I do not have the heart to tell him that I am not attracted to him. I do love him – unfortunately – I also do want to sleep with all these guys. I never had sex with the model-types!

What to do? Open relationship?

I think u and your bf needs to communicate - nobody can answer u here because at 44 if u don't understand yourself nobody will.

"Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age"

[darkflame]

Lust, Greed & Gluttony.

You are tempted by these.

If you want an open relationship, I think you are better off breaking up with him, and just going for one night stands. So what if he's hurt? It's much better than him realising it later and forced to accept an open relationship.

As long as you have your body, you can always date others and have wild fun with them. Simply embroiled in the world of lust, greed and gluttony. Not everyone needs love to survive. You only live once anyway.

Otherwise, just stay faithful to your boyfriend if you love him, or if you're afraid of regretting that you destroyed your relationship with him.

[trevorcantona]

why not have a heart to heart talk with him!?!?

tell him that you would like to be with him, but the disparity is so great that u know, you are having problems controlling yourself!?!

and if he agrees to change for you (like lose weight, exercise) it is also good for his health, win-win situation!!!

but of cos you need to give him time to do tat lah

[Guest Bottom of heart]

To my opinion, 10 years ago he dated you because you say he like your character, despite your outlook wasn't appealing to many others last time.

This kind of man is hard to find nowadays, as many go for body and lust once they had enough will change a new bf and new fun.

Both of you age 44yo and just because now he wasn't as attactive as you are and you decided to leave. Well it's your life and it's your choice.

To me, i wanted someone to care for me and each other. Just don't regret when you make your choice and many years down the road, you came to realise that your "ex" is still the best.

Best wishes.

[tyan]

True love is hard to find in this circle. Body and Looks governs in this circle.

But these are not permanent. Unless ur heart has changed, else i feel that it is really fortunate for u to meet such bf.

[tic-toc]

It is admirable that you put in effort for self improvement. Love or hate it, we are in the AJ world.

I perfectly understand your "ugly duckling transformed to a swan" issue. I've lived through that.

Despite what others say about intergrity, honour, committment, etc. what the heck, just go and do what you feel. You only live for once. All these work outs and sacrifices need pay off. What's the use of looking good if there is no one to look at you?

[cock brand]

So now your partner had become less attractive than yourself.

Just like those regular chinese dramas, when the man becomes rich and famous, he'll just dump the old hag (黄脸婆）at home for some pretty chicks。

Your case is similar, only a different version.

[GachiMuchi]

1. Dump your boyfriend because he deserves it. He is not worthy of a person like you. You are Too Good for him NOW.

2. Go out and party. Fxxk around. Now you can choose and pick who you want. You deserve it. After all, you spent 3 miserable years beating yourself into shape and getting all hunky dory.

3. At '35', you still got another 10 more years till you are '45' to decide if you should settle down.

I think the above are 'WORDS' you would like to HEAR from 'strangers' who have no idea what they are saying right?

YOUR LIFE, YOUR CHOICE.

Just make sure you don't wake up years later and realised that you WERE lucky to have a bf that accepts you for who you are, WHICH you GAVE UP.

So you have grown from being a person with 'personality' to someone who is a brainless himbo. I bet your bf must be suffering from your disgusted look of him being fat, old and ugly. (since you "do not have the heart to tell him that")

Go figure.

[briax]

Gachi Muchi is always hopelessly blunt. lol. But he is not wrong.

I supposed it is totally exciting to have all that attentions you desired with your hot new body. It is nice to be showered with attention and prove to your bf that you can be who you want to be. BUT, you wont be 44 and in shape forever, At some point, no matter how hard you work, the gravitational pull will work against you. Even before that, you probably lost the interest in maintaining it.

If you are unhappy with how your partner look like now, perhaps you want to tell him about it. Motivate him that if you can do it, so can he. Gym with him, go have your good diet plan with him. Isn't that more exciting than to date someone new and then, ahem, the new person also lose his shape? And you move on to the next hunky boy?

Unless he has been treating you really badly, there is no good reason to give up on this relationship after working on it for 10 years. It probably takes you only 1 week to find a new partner now, but do you have another 10 years to rebuild a true relationship? If it can be given up so easily now, maybe you should ask yourself did you actually love him when he was prepared to look beyond your physical attributes then.

In any case, you live your own life. you are answerable for every decision you made. We are just avatars in a forum.

Edited January 24, 2011 by briax

[GachiMuchi]

Well, it's the honest-to-goodness, no sugar added truth, blunt or otherwise.

I am already very lenient to say he is now a brainless himbo. There are lots more adjectives I can use, but I didn't. :twisted:

[waterballoon]

Wow dude ur actually reli lucky to have found someone who accepted u for who u were.

like, isn't it unfair if u dump him or be unfaithful to him just because he has "grown fat" while u have slimmed down? When he accepted u for ur size back then?

[TheVisitors]

I really don't understand a person's mentality who can end up betraying someone who loves you for what you are.

To tell you the truth, my last 4years relationship ended very sadly and tragically.

My ex bf was stricken by a very rare medical condition - lipoma/decurm in which he will be very deformed physically in a few years time. He reluctantly asked me to leave him to seek a better life with someone new.

Even he was deformed one day or stricken with HIV, I will not betray or abandon him, because I love him more than enough to take care and be with him for the rest of my life.

So what if he looks much worse than you?

Even you better yourself emotionally, spiritually or physically, don't just use these achievements for your own selfish advancement or gain. You should be sharing it with your love ones or people who genuinely seek your help.

There is such a kind call karma

Edited January 24, 2011 by TheVisitors

[lonely]

It is difficult to really comment, as we are no matter what, outsiders to your relationship. But I do agree TheVisitors. For me, the person is beautiful (to me) because I love him, and not I love him because he is beautiful.

10 years is really a long time, and I think this is very hard to come by. But I think you probably have an answer as to how you want to proceed with this relationship. You might be looking for some consensus in your decision.

[ding dong]

I think the OP do realise that he cares for his partner

he says so .." I do love him – unfortunately – I also do want to sleep with all these guys. I never had sex with the model-types!......"..

so i hope you continue to love him and appreciate him eventhough he looks 55 but is actually 44 and is nothing to look at and etc etc....surely after 10 years together .IT MEANS SOMETHING !! ?? ..its not just the physicalaspects as has been mentioned by other posters but also the love life and feelings of the past 10 years of being together ... and one poster even mentioned that you ought to get your partner to "shapeup " too ...which i think is a fantastic idea !!..and you should try that too -

so all is not lost and better still there is something to look forward to as well

BUT there is the question of you wanting to sleep with the " model types " .....to sleep with them or not .that is the question ...hmmm

ideally ..with your new found look [ and hard work ] .....you would like to have the whole damn cake ! ..but if i can read you correctly ...you have reservations ....thus your posting.....so ..you are a good guy deep inside and you too have a heart and conscience......

based largely on those assumptions and that you are 44 etc etc .....my advice is ...GO ON AND DO IT ......and you may even choose NOT to tell your partner ....BUT ..there are several things at play here .. this is assuming that you dont go and fall madly in love with those model types or whoever and that you dont become some well known slut about town ....treat it like some occasional fling [ and of course keep it safe ...needless to say ] .better still if its out of the country .......BUT this is on the condition you do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE NOT TO HURT YOUR PARTNER .......yes it s cheating ...which is why you need to draw a boundary for yourself to obey.

this may sound horrible but you know what ....you two clearly love each other you just need to get things out of your system ...and who know s ....down the road you may even talk about a form of "open relationship" that you are both confortable with .when you are older.......

......as long as your heart is with each other .....that is what counts.....

mine is a practical solution i think but i also think you need to think through and do some fine tuning as you may not have told us everything .......

go and eat that cake ...you took a long time to bake it after all !!

Edited January 24, 2011 by ding dong

[waterballoon]

go and eat that cake ...you took a long time to bake it after all !!

no offense, but that is seriously immoral.

I really don't see how putting in the effort to slim down & build up automatically becomes an excuse for the OP to go sleep around with the "Model types."

"Oh I've put in effort to make myself look good, so I have a right to cheat on you and sleep with other men." Wow, seriously?

[fab]

If sex is what u r seeking and it is worth ruining your 10 yrs relationship, by all means.

Otherwise, think twice or thrice.

[ding dong]

waterballoon your comments "no offense, but that is seriously immoral.".....my comments must be read in context .....under the circumstances and the situation ....guys ...even though in a relationship no matter how long will sometimes go for little affairs/flirtations ..massages / occasional naughtiness here and there.....as long as they DONT GET CAUGHT !!!..thats the reality ...BUT OP should stay in the relationship as i aalso think he loves his partner etc and V V .....but then he has an "itch" and he needs to scratch it .....so i am saying .......just scratch it but then not too often ....sounds scandalous and naughty but not immoral .just harmless flirt and fun ........just dont get addicted.

this advice .i must add ..must be taken with caution and not for everyone ......* CONDITIONS APPLY

Edited January 24, 2011 by ding dong

[Guest Guest]

Just enjoy the attention, flirt a little but don't do the sex. This can be fun but sex will spoil it all.

Go to sauna and look see look see just to attract attention. Yeah, like people here complaining being stand-offish. Just to enjoy the attention. You got it, flaunt it

[koolkai]

So many guys ask me out anywhere I go. It is out of control. It's like I went from a being a regular at Shogun to becoming the $!^*|-type. My boyfriend on the other hand became fat and is also 44 (but looks 55); I do not have the heart to tell him that I am not attracted to him. I do love him – unfortunately – I also do want to sleep with all these guys. I never had sex with the model-types!

What to do? Open relationship?

You should stay faithful to your bf for he did not desert you when you were unattractive then. Now that you have a makeover, you are tempted to meet other guys and even contemplate of having sex with them. This is absolutely wrong. You must continue to stay faithful to your bf for the rest of your life even though he is unattractive!

[GachiMuchi]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD2GddnIxBo

你我皆凡人,生在人世间;

终日奔波苦,一刻不得闲;

既然不是仙,难免有杂念;

道义放两旁,利字摆中间.

多少男子汉,一怒为红颜;

多少同林鸟,已成分飞燕;

人生何其短,何必苦苦恋,

爱人不见了,向谁去喊冤.

问你何时曾看见,

这世界为了人们改变,

有夢寐以求的容顏,

是否就算是擁有春天.

[evianguy]

Wah lau, damn shallow lor. Hope you find your hunky other half. You don't deserve your bf who stuck to you during your chunky days.

[Boya]

Wah lau, damn shallow lor. Hope you find your hunky other half. You don't deserve your bf who stuck to you during your chunky days.

ya lor, ur right. He's damn shallow. Just got body and then xian qi his bf who went thru good and bad times with him. tis kind of bf, so vain one. good body so wat? you think you can have good body till ur 60 or 70? its the companionship that counts, not that filthy old bag we drag with us everyday...

[Guest Karmacomedian]

How abt your face? Have you done anythying to your face, such as plastic surgery/botox?

I had seen the transformation of some sauna regulars from fat to chubby, from chubby to stocky, from stocky to muscular.

But some of them lost too much weight (when they have a broad face), therefore not too proportional in terms of body/head ratio. Kudos to them for taking control in their health/appearance. Personally, bcoz i was not attracted to them b4, I am still not attracted to them after. Bcoz, the facial features are still unchanged. Yes, there's more sparkle in their eyes, more glow on the skin, more confidence in their posture. It's just my personal opinion.

As for a couple, it's obvious that u have evolved but not your bf.

If u still love him, slow down for him to catch up.

If not, it's better to go separate way than to cheat(like many of my friends are doing).

[abang]

Billy Joel's "Just the way you are" came into my mind when I read this thread.

Come on, it is the heart that matters. Looks and muscles fade (very quickly) and if you think your bf dont match up with you, why dont ask him to do something. Stop telling yourself that you dont love him anymore.

Any relationship, especially gay, that survives the test of time is worth preserving. He is a gem and he should be treasure and not trash like a used rag.

Count your blessings....

Edited January 25, 2011 by abang

[snowball]

What to do? Open relationship?

you should know what you want, think again, is your heart or your outlook that is really totally makeover?

Edited January 26, 2011 by snowball

[Guest vincent]

I originally asked for advice. Thank you very much to all for your advice. I am touched and do not feel all alone in my dilemna. I will indeed think hard about my next steps.

[Guest Simply Me]

你怎麼可以這樣糊塗　竟打算給我你的全部

放棄了整座森林　只為了一捆矮椰樹

如何讓你明白讓你懂　說到長廂廝守就頭痛

朝朝暮暮守著一捆樹　不敢擔保自己承受得住

如果有一天我有了大肚腩　你對我是否意興闌珊

如果有一天你成了黃臉婆　我是否會嫌你又老又囉嗦

如果有一天我有了大肚腩　你是否會愛我依然

如果有一天你身材走了樣　我是否還會為你摘下星星月亮

這時代瞬間萬變　談戀愛像吃快餐一樣方便

因為沒有勇氣相信永遠　只好向你承諾我會珍惜眼前

如果不小心我們白頭偕老　上天保佑我們恩愛依然

當我們老掉了牙花白了頭髮　讓我當月亮來溫暖你縐縐的臉龐

如果有一天我有了大肚腩

（o.s）不要緊啦！拿來當枕頭睡囉！

[Guest Guest]

quite interesting to see different types of comments from people who might have gone through different life experiences.

some of us can be classified into 2 types:

1) those who are 'better' in our early days (better life, gd bod, gd career etc) and then 'deteriorate' in their older days.

2) those who are 'not so good' in their early days but improve and get even better as they grow older.

normally those that fall into 1) have experienced it all in their early days and prime time and would not mind losing or forgoing the lifestyle. for those in 2), their prime time seems to have just started. TS falls in the 2) category.

there is really no right or wrong action. if TS let go of his bf, he will now be able to enjoy the lifestyle he wants and at the same time let his bf find someone better. if he stay on to his bf, he would be depriving of the lifestyle he desires.

if not, couples can always work out things among themselves. get his bf to transform himself as well or look for fun together.

if the TS is still here, what decision did u make?

[Guest Ricardo]

If you love him, encourage him to be the man that you become rather than dump him

[yewtee-]

looks will always change, heart will never change

[lohwpr]

Vincent, 你太花心了。

 

10 years into a relationship, it is inevitable your relationship with you BF transform from 爱情 to 亲情.

 

You do not know what u will have given up until u lose him. 

 

Be careful. 

[Guest Fatty]

Dump the fat looser rah.

Would you like to date me?

[Guest Billy]

Just dump him

[Guest Joe]

Dump him and come with me

[Guest Blue]

No. Come with me first after dumping him hehe

[Guest BrianX]

On 24/01/2011 at 11:34 AM, Guest vincent said:

10 years ago, I was chunky. Not fat but chubby. I had a nice friendly round moon face. Met my boyfriend who loved to me to death despite telling me that he was not 100% into me because he was not attracted to me. NO idea why he dated me - he says it's my personality.

After 3 years of hard work in the gym and diet, my friends won’t recognize me now. My face became angular – with nice cheekbones. I have a glow on my face. And to top it all, nice pecs, v-shape back, perfect delts, biceps, triceps, and shoulders and a 6 pack. Before this, the goodlooking guys at the gym would not look at me. Most people who approached me were pretty average. Now, the goodlooking guys talk to me and ask me out. I’m now 44 by the way but could pass of as 35.

So many guys ask me out anywhere I go. It is out of control. It's like I went from a being a regular at Shogun to becoming the $!^*|-type. My boyfriend on the other hand became fat and is also 44 (but looks 55); I do not have the heart to tell him that I am not attracted to him. I do love him – unfortunately – I also do want to sleep with all these guys. I never had sex with the model-types!

What to do? Open relationship?

 

I was like this before. Good thing that my bf continue to improve himself too.

[Guest Guest]

I went through a similar transformation and I'm frankly quite appalled at how superficial guys can be. Same thing, when I was a little chubby (not even fat, just lack definition), I don't mind that guys treat me like invisible. But some of them were actually openly bitching n sneering. Like if you are using gym equipment they want to use, you hear some bitchy comment being uttered. Usually these hot guys have a training buddy, both equally hot, so they bitch to each other. But when you become like them physically, suddenly they smile and flirt. 

[Guest A Married housewife]

I still love my bf whether he is "before or after".  No word can explain,  I can only think that time flies for both of us, and that the "up" & "down" we have journeyed together bonded us, rather than how he look like before or after.  Anyway, I am going to stand at the window waiting for him to return from work and have our dinner together at the coffee shop nearby and there is our laundry to do later.   I hope I didn't sound too old here.

[Guest Betrayed]

Even though in the past you were not good looking, your boyfriend didn't mind and remained with you. 

 

Now that you're good looking, you want to cheat on him? 

 

What happened to "do onto others what you want others to do to you"? 

 

Go have a heart to heart talk with him.