Friends Of Gay People

[Guest Friends]

One thing I noticed about my gay friends is that they seem to assume that all my friends, especially male friends, are gay too.

For example, when I find out that my gay friend A works in the same company as my other friends, I ask A if he knows them. And the next thing I got is A chiding me for outing my other friends behind their back.

The first time it happened, I was surprised and took pains to explain that my other friends are not gay. But for whatever reason, A didn't seem to buy my explanation.

And rather unfortunately, such misunderstandings happened more than once (three times now, with different people). And the third time it happened, I was so offended that I retorted, "just because we are gay doesn't mean that everyone around us are gay too. Get out of your small gay world!"

So it got me thinking. Is such "birds-of-a-feather" mentality prevalent? Or is it just my unfortunate experience. I find it quite unsettling though if such "groupthink" is widespread.

[Torrent]

You have no idea yet on what the general perspective of straight people towards gay people are.

When you have come to that, this would seem a little less bothered.

[Panadol]

Yeah....agree....

Part 1

Me: Went Taiwan in XXX with some friends

AJ friend 1: How many of you?

Me: 3 of us...all guys....so its easier to cramp into a room

AJ friend 1: Are they AJs?

Part 2

Saw a MALE friend in the same shopping mall as we were leaving the mall

Me: Wave at my friend

AJ friend 1: Is he AJ ?

Like come on, STOP it can.....YOUR group of friends that you always go out with are AJs, doesn't mean it applies to others.

I don't have group/s of AJ friends....neither did I go out with group/s of AJs before....

So what if I have more male friends than female friends? So what if my kakis/good friends are male

STOP assuming or associating them !!!

[Guest Friends]

You have no idea yet on what the general perspective of straight people towards gay people are.

When you have come to that, this would seem a little less bothered.

Hi Torrent,

I do agree with you to some extent that straight people may have some misinformed perspectives about gay people. But I would think that being on the receiving end of such negative stereotypes should make us wiser to the fact that these are what they are i.e. merely stereotypes; not all gay people are like that.

In that sense, it bothers me even more that our behaviors seem to mirror that of these straight people that you talked about.

Just because everyone else is engaging in daylight robbery doesn't mean that we should be less bothered by it, and also engage in it.

[suckmenao]

So I just got an email of violation notice from yahoo! answers community because I've been trollolololing in their R&S section.

The reason was because I answered a question asking if Atheists ever use the exclamation "Oh My God" and being somewhat ironic with: "says who, I scream out GOD when I'm getting anal fcuked" which is considered sexually explicit blah3, anyway that's not the point and I'm not that pissed because I was being sexually explicit...intentionally.

But the thing is...I used to have a very close friend, actually the first real life friend that I came out to as being gay. She accepted that, but somehow I always know that she's not very happy about it. She always try to tell me to date girls, try to tell me that sleeping around with random strangers is bad, forgot my birthday for 3 fxxking years in a row while I always send her present every year (she didn't even make an effort to push some buttons on her cellphone to keep her reminded...what a bitch), and the worst part when I really burnt the bridge with her was when she got mad at me for cancelling a meeting because my depression attacked. She kept attacking me, never read and try to understand how I tried to get myself in the mood to meet people, and keep saying what a terrible friend I am go holidaying with some guys but refusing to meeting her (which is not of importance at all at the time as I was in terrible state), firing off bullets before she ended up sending me two long messages over facebook, apologizing and still claiming she's NOT entirely wrong...

She's also always giving disgusted looks and remarks whenever I try to get the conversation into the raunchy sex topic, which I think is fun to talk about and perfectly normal for adults.

I had such a wonderful friend, yes.

That's not the only story, I have a friend, who is a straight guy. And whenever I try to drag him out he'd always subtly refuse. He never said it but I know that he's afraid that people would think we're dating. Seriously, I'm not a screaming queen who sways or bitch loudly every second. Some gay guys even think that I'm too manly for a bottom (heck, I would sell like crazy if I go topping, some bottoms can't help it when they saw me!). But that's the truth. He only will go out with me if there's someone else, that makes it 3 people. One time when I was kinda disappointed was when he asked me to go and buy movie tickets and he didn't turn up. Giving excuse that he's busying having a meeting with some people...at 12 midnight? Hmph. I think that he's quite good looking, but he's not really my type. I think of him no more than friends and we do talk online more than we meet. He tells me of his stories, even love stories, and I would give him my views. Nothing more. But he still can't help but try to avoid me in real.

Oh well, I'm just sharing this because I think that it's always difficult to really connect with your straight friends, even though they love you and accept you. But there's always this invisible barrier between us.

Edited March 4, 2011 by suckmenao

[Panadol]

Probably the reason why many people choose to remain closeted to family and friends other than fellow AJs they know on website....

[pusheenpika]

If they were truly your friends, they'd accept you for who you are. At least you know who's real and who's not. Why bother about them? I have a friend who has selective memory lapses. She never remembers I'm gay and always asks if I'm dating any girl at the moment. Then I have to remind her.. Hey I'm gay, I date men.

[Guest Coffeh]

Sounds like you're better off without them! If, like what jarjarbinks said, they can't accept you for who you really are, then they weren't very good friends to start off with. I had a straight guy friend similar to yours too. He would only hang out with me if there's a third person in our group. Most of time, I don't mind that... but it would be nice to just hang out, the two of us. It's a ridiculous notion (straight guys have) that every gay guy wants to bed them... To those group of people, I say... wake up and smell the coffee, mate.

[Guest Bankai]

Oh well, I'm just sharing this because I think that it's always difficult to really connect with your straight friends, even though they love you and accept you. But there's always this invisible barrier between us.

I guess I will never have the courage to 'come out' to my straight friends, even if they are my closest friends...just feel that I will only have real connections and love with gays!

[suckmenao]

I guess I will never have the courage to 'come out' to my straight friends, even if they are my closest friends...just feel that I will only have real connections and love with gays!

I'm very outgoing and have much self-worth, so some people simply cannot just diss me and have to be in my circle. Take me as I am, or watch me as I soar kind of attitude

[trevorcantona]

seriously, if these "frens" cant remember you are gay, or keep on asking u to get a gf or refuses to hang out with u alone, they are not "frens". you should just tell them to go fxxk themselves. anyway, i wont even work with people who cant accept me for who i am haha...

[Guest Bankai]

I'm very outgoing and have much self-worth, so some people simply cannot just diss me and have to be in my circle. Take me as I am, or watch me as I soar kind of attitude

To be honest, I kinda enjoyed reading your postings...

most probably due to some kinds of genuine attitudes and self-worths being revealed...I guess that your circle of friends must really enjoy your company...

[suckmenao]

To be honest, I kinda enjoyed reading your postings...

most probably due to some kinds of genuine attitudes and self-worths being revealed...I guess that your circle of friends must really enjoy your company...

that's why they call it gay pride parade, baby.

[Nobodyzz]

Tell me about it.. I too have a straight guy friend who avoided going out with me alone. I may not look like the straighest person in the world but I am no queen either.. and he's not even my type

[darkflame]

I think I can connect to this topic.

I used to have a friend which I sort of came out to her. At first she was a little unhappy and she thought I was hanging out too much with my AJ friend.

She is always dissing anything and very very negative about herself.

She can suddenly ask you to meet her in 15 minutes and when I meet her, she say she doesn't need to meet anymore cuz she's okay.

Didn't really get so fed up but it's annoying when it's done too many times.

The final straw came when she started dissing gay guys.

She would use, 'Yuck', 'Gross', whatever when she encounters topic related to homosexuality.

Anyway we didn't meet last X'mas so that was likely the end of our friendship.

I haven't had any bad encounters with my straight friends.

But most of the time, my straight friends simply avoid me just because I don't click with them.

Well, that's the reason they give.

[Torrent]

So I just got an email of violation notice from yahoo! answers community because I've been trollolololing in their R&S section.

The reason was because I answered a question asking if Atheists ever use the exclamation "Oh My God" and being somewhat ironic with: "says who, I scream out GOD when I'm getting anal fcuked" which is considered sexually explicit blah3, anyway that's not the point and I'm not that pissed because I was being sexually explicit...intentionally.

But the thing is...I used to have a very close friend, actually the first real life friend that I came out to as being gay. She accepted that, but somehow I always know that she's not very happy about it. She always try to tell me to date girls, try to tell me that sleeping around with random strangers is bad, forgot my birthday for 3 fxxking years in a row while I always send her present every year (she didn't even make an effort to push some buttons on her cellphone to keep her reminded...what a bitch), and the worst part when I really burnt the bridge with her was when she got mad at me for cancelling a meeting because my depression attacked. She kept attacking me, never read and try to understand how I tried to get myself in the mood to meet people, and keep saying what a terrible friend I am go holidaying with some guys but refusing to meeting her (which is not of importance at all at the time as I was in terrible state), firing off bullets before she ended up sending me two long messages over facebook, apologizing and still claiming she's NOT entirely wrong...

She's also always giving disgusted looks and remarks whenever I try to get the conversation into the raunchy sex topic, which I think is fun to talk about and perfectly normal for adults.

I had such a wonderful friend, yes.

That's not the only story, I have a friend, who is a straight guy. And whenever I try to drag him out he'd always subtly refuse. He never said it but I know that he's afraid that people would think we're dating. Seriously, I'm not a screaming queen who sways or bitch loudly every second. Some gay guys even think that I'm too manly for a bottom (heck, I would sell like crazy if I go topping, some bottoms can't help it when they saw me!). But that's the truth. He only will go out with me if there's someone else, that makes it 3 people. One time when I was kinda disappointed was when he asked me to go and buy movie tickets and he didn't turn up. Giving excuse that he's busying having a meeting with some people...at 12 midnight? Hmph. I think that he's quite good looking, but he's not really my type. I think of him no more than friends and we do talk online more than we meet. He tells me of his stories, even love stories, and I would give him my views. Nothing more. But he still can't help but try to avoid me in real.

Oh well, I'm just sharing this because I think that it's always difficult to really connect with your straight friends, even though they love you and accept you. But there's always this invisible barrier between us.

I have two close friends whom I revealed to regarding my sexual preference. My female friend accepted me, my male friend did so hesitantly but I knew for sure things were going downhill from there.

Fast forward 1 year later, I no longer communicate nor talk to that male friend, having him blocked off from any form of contact for good.

Similarly, all his reactions were somewhat exactly as you described with your friend's. I guess people fear what they can't comprehend. I try to be patient and give him a little time to explain to him clearly that although one aspect of me have changed, deep inside I'm still who as he knew. But those long days of silence and bias soon turn into total rejection, as I found out he was too chicken to tell me the truth and his stand, choosing childish ways like refusing to talk to me or restricting (only me) out of his facebook.

Fate played along with us and actually let us meet face to face some time ago, he was just too cowardly to even stare me in the eye for more than a minute. Needless to say, I refused to acknowledge him either.

With idiotic friends like these, I rather have enemies.

[Guest Derrick Lee]

Hmm.. when I came out to my friends few years back when I was 18, I think I almost face none rejection. They didn't get bothered by my sexual orientation though they asked me a lot of questions regarding LGBT. Also, I became good friends with many straight guys after knowing that I'm gay too. I got alone with them in secluded area talking about anything very often too. Sometimes, I tease/touch them and they will know that I'm just fooling around although when I touched the 1 or 2 guys that I liked before I did felt a kind of excited too but I guess they don't know about it haha.

Sexual orientation shouldn't be a problem at all or maybe I can't be bothered to be good friends with people who have prejudices and being disrespectful.

[Eddy]

One thing I noticed about my gay friends is that they seem to assume that all my friends, especially male friends, are gay too.

For example, when I find out that my gay friend A works in the same company as my other friends, I ask A if he knows them. And the next thing I got is A chiding me for outing my other friends behind their back.

The first time it happened, I was surprised and took pains to explain that my other friends are not gay. But for whatever reason, A didn't seem to buy my explanation.

And rather unfortunately, such misunderstandings happened more than once (three times now, with different people). And the third time it happened, I was so offended that I retorted, "just because we are gay doesn't mean that everyone around us are gay too. Get out of your small gay world!"

So it got me thinking. Is such "birds-of-a-feather" mentality prevalent? Or is it just my unfortunate experience. I find it quite unsettling though if such "groupthink" is widespread.

You need to surround yourself with open minded gay friends.

[Guest alien]

Hmm.. when I came out to my friends few years back when I was 18, I think I almost face none rejection. They didn't get bothered by my sexual orientation though they asked me a lot of questions regarding LGBT. Also, I became good friends with many straight guys after knowing that I'm gay too. I got alone with them in secluded area talking about anything very often too. Sometimes, I tease/touch them and they will know that I'm just fooling around although when I touched the 1 or 2 guys that I liked before I did felt a kind of excited too but I guess they don't know about it haha.

Sexual orientation shouldn't be a problem at all or maybe I can't be bothered to be good friends with people who have prejudices and being disrespectful.

I think no matter wht is the sexual orientation of a person, if the person himself/herself does not have a opened minded mind, dun think he/she can accept anything ard him/her.

Anyway, not everyone esp a str8 guy can accept their guy friend is a gay. Tht's y i dun think i will come out to any of my str8 guy friends. As i think most of the str8 guys wld think a gay will simply sleep and interested all guys ard them.

[Guest Derrick Lee]

^Hm, do you harbor these thoughts first? If not, you don't have to be afraid what haa since you know that those stereotypes are rubbish. You need not 'come out' to them but if some of these straight guys are your good friends would you want to hold back or deny anything if they asked you "Eh fxxk, how come you still don't have girlfriend yet??" or similar questions. How uneasy would you feel at that point of time?

I think that one person must be brave for his own beliefs in order to attract and influence people even though they might be skeptical towards LGBT people initially. They will slowly change their thinking if you prove that you are a worthy guy. If you are not

a gay will simply sleep and interested all guys ard them.

, why worry sia?

I guess you knew that you have such uneasy feelings to be yourself with your straight guys, why not faster liberate these fears and truly enjoy some genuine friendships bro!

Edited March 5, 2011 by Derrick Lee

[Guest alien]

When you str8 friends asked how come you still don't have girlfriend yet, more or less they have already suspected tht u shld be gay.

I have one str8 friend asked me before how come i still don't have girlfriend yet, and then he added one more statement and said are u gay ah?!

[gummibear]

When you str8 friends asked how come you still don't have girlfriend yet, more or less they have already suspected tht u shld be gay.

I have one str8 friend asked me before how come i still don't have girlfriend yet, and then he added one more statement and said are u gay ah?!

Yeah! Haha, a girl friend of mine recently had a long chat with me. In the midst of the conversation, we were talking about some girls and stuff and she asked "You do like women right?", I was stumped for a little bit and I looked at her sheepishly and said "Yah of course, I like you don't I?". Right after that response I could totally she the glimmer in her eyes. Well, she smiled and we went back to our banter. Hahaha.

[darkflame]

Yeah! Haha, a girl friend of mine recently had a long chat with me. In the midst of the conversation, we were talking about some girls and stuff and she asked "You do like women right?", I was stumped for a little bit and I looked at her sheepishly and said "Yah of course, I like you don't I?". Right after that response I could totally she the glimmer in her eyes. Well, she smiled and we went back to our banter. Hahaha.

I think that event convinced her that you are it. :yuk:

One friend of mine suspects me too. Well, because I openly support gay relationships in fiction.

Edited March 7, 2011 by darkflame

[Guest alien]

Yeah! Haha, a girl friend of mine recently had a long chat with me. In the midst of the conversation, we were talking about some girls and stuff and she asked "You do like women right?", I was stumped for a little bit and I looked at her sheepishly and said "Yah of course, I like you don't I?". Right after that response I could totally she the glimmer in her eyes. Well, she smiled and we went back to our banter. Hahaha.

Funny tht your girl friend of yours did not ask u "You do like men right?"! Often if any of my friends asked me something like this, i always feel more or less deep in their heart, they have already think i am a gay liao, no matter wht answer i give them.

But i have one girl friend, i always told her tht i dun like women, i like men, even asked her got any guy introduce or not. But she always dun believe me and she told me i am confused tht i like men and not 100% gay! *faint*