Over-Achiever Relationship Problems

[Guest OA]

I like to share some frustration I have with maintaining and finding a partner. I was told by my ex that he was inferior to me. That he is not as good-looking, fit, with high qualification, high positions and high income as me. After so many attempts to assure him i love him and he should not feel this way, the sentiment still persists and he initiate a breakup. Currently I am interested in this new guy who I thought is quite comparable to me but he is also hinting that i am too good for him! Anyone else encounter such issue? How do you avoid a relationship/courtship from becoming a competition.

[lohwpr]

I like to share some frustration I have with maintaining and finding a partner. I was told by my ex that he was inferior to me. That he is not as good-looking, fit, with high qualification, high positions and high income as me. After so many attempts to assure him i love him and he should not feel this way, the sentiment still persists and he initiate a breakup. Currently I am interested in this new guy who I thought is quite comparable to me but he is also hinting that i am too good for him! Anyone else encounter such issue? How do you avoid a relationship/courtship from becoming a competition.

U need to find a guy who is as capable as u or a guy who likes to depend on u. Otherwise, the relationship will not last. Finding a guy as capable is a better solution but The problem is they don't usually expose themselves easily. Be patient.

[Guest OA Too]

Am an OA myself and have freaked many people out, including my exes. Yar, is difficult to find somebody, and to make matters worse, I am very discreet. I have kinda give up home on finding somebody.

[Guest Blaidd_Drwg]

well, you gotta ask yourself what actions or words you do and use which makes your partners feel insecure about their position in the relationship. If showering gifts is your kinda love, maybe you can tone it down on frequency and lavishness and given your over-achieving status, maybe you can put some creativity into other forms of love besides that shown by money and sex. Like they say, try to be more human and as PAP would likely suggest, be in-touch with the grassroots.

Maybe a makan-makan at hawker stall once in awhile? or just some quiet time watching movies in the comfort of your own home? These are very simple gestures that don't hint that you are an upper income earner. and probably will not eat into the self-esteem of other men who want to maintain some level of their independence.

And oh yar, don't be suffocatingly loving. most men love company but when that company becomes a non-detachable limb beyond his own expectations, very fast things will break off.

[Guest Blaidd_Drwg]

from personal experience, my ex was an OA and for that time my self-esteem in the relationship free-fall. he was the one who initiated everything and I didn't like it. When I finally took the initiative first, he told me he would do everything for me.

And that was when we split up. I need an equal relationship, no one dominates, no one submits. both give and take and meet at the middle.

[Guest Guest]

Hi TS, can i be your bf?

[lohwpr]

Am an OA myself and have freaked many people out, including my exes. Yar, is difficult to find somebody, and to make matters worse, I am very discreet. I have kinda give up home on finding somebody.

Objectively, let's not even talk about having a relationship. Many times, it is difficult to maintain friendship if one is overly successful in life........

Edited March 26, 2011 by lohwpr

[dark.knight]

Not true. It depends on how you bring yourself, how you wish to speak to your friends and date. As an OA, one have very little time and usually see things as very straight-forward.

When you are with a date/friend, one needs to know that they are not your employees. They stand equal to you. We should give them space to decide on things - even if you think it is wrong and will costs you additional time/money. We should also realise that they have their own work too, so we should not expect them to fit to our schedule all the time.

I also realised the way we talk to them, and the way we annouce our achievements to them is also very important. It affects how they look at you, as a normal human being working hard for one success after another or a "super human" who is suppose to be very successful.

[lohwpr]

Not true. It depends on how you bring yourself, how you wish to speak to your friends and date. As an OA, one have very little time and usually see things as very straight-forward.

When you are with a date/friend, one needs to know that they are not your employees. They stand equal to you. We should give them space to decide on things - even if you think it is wrong and will costs you additional time/money. We should also realise that they have their own work too, so we should not expect them to fit to our schedule all the time.

I also realised the way we talk to them, and the way we annouce our achievements to them is also very important. It affects how they look at you, as a normal human being working hard for one success after another or a "super human" who is suppose to be very successful.

What u said is right but realistically, I don't know if all of us can be that objective. Many times, it is not what u say or do but the way others look at u and yr accomplishments. They will, without yr involvement, create a perception about u and distanced themselves voluntarily.

[Guest OA Too]

Objectively, let's not even talk about having a relationship. Many times, it is difficult to maintain friendship if one is overly successful in life........

Totally agree.

[lohwpr]

Totally agree.

On a lighter side, may be we should form a OA club or something......lol

[Guest OA]

I think striving for equality is exactly the problem! Coz often that would mean going to places within the means of my ex. At the back of his mind is a constant reminder of inferiority that we are here because he cannot afford otherwise. Not to mention the comparison of who got more attention when we go out. I also don't like to massage what I have to say just to be super sensitive to my partner's needs. Why can't I simply share that I got xxx months of bonus?

[koolkai]

Am an OA myself and have freaked many people out, including my exes. Yar, is difficult to find somebody, and to make matters worse, I am very discreet. I have kinda give up home on finding somebody.

Dont give up! Continue finding that someone! I love high achievers! But high achievers never seem to find me!

Edited March 26, 2011 by koolkai

[briax]

The term over-achiever has a negative connotation to it. An achiever is an achiever. To me, using the term OA on yourself makes you feel that it is wrong to be good in what you are. My opinion is that, while it is important to find someone who is compatible in terms of social status or other factors, it is more important to find someone who is comfortable in his own skin and has no issue with who you are and what he is, as long as it is something agreeable between the couple.

Few people stay on top all the time, can you imagine a relationship that is based solely on your achievement. When either one of you is no longer the Achiever, how do you want to deal with it? Break up?

Edited March 26, 2011 by briax

[boyfren]

Hmmm... TS, I think the other person wanna break up with you but don't want to break your heart, so he used this OA term to you.

LOLZ, it is the typical break up line.

"You are too good for me, you should see someone else."

"It is not you, it is me"

"You did nothing wrong, I don't deserve you."

This OA cannot see through this, I don't think he is OA at all.

[fab]

LOL to boyfren's reply.

A to B: "I think I am not good enuf for u. U deserve someone else better."

B: "The only reason u think that I am too good for u is because u dont love me deep enough."

I have met EXs who were more capable than me. I had EXs who were less capable than me. But none of the under-achievers has ever felt that they were not good enough even when the disparity is obviously huge.

Edited March 26, 2011 by fab

[handsomechub]

Oh well, my bf is an OA..and when i first got together with him 5 years ago, i felt exactly the same way..hes too good for me..yadayada...and until today hes still achieving so much more than I do..in everyway hes better...Uni, grades, looks,etc..in fact he was a kedang and i was a cheena.i was very inferior at first, and many times i also initiated a breakup during our first 2 years.I feel that he deserves someone much better, but he insist on carrying on the relationship. eventually , i realised, he is just like any one of us, and he also has his weaker side that i can compliment with.Soon, we made up a great pair, i got more confident of myself, and we both compliment each other's weaknesses. I love him very much, and till today we are still together.Hope to share with you all my story.=)

[tic-toc]

Agree. I used that too.

Hmmm... TS, I think the other person wanna break up with you but don't want to break your heart, so he used this OA term to you.

LOLZ, it is the typical break up line.

"You are too good for me, you should see someone else."

"It is not you, it is me"

"You did nothing wrong, I don't deserve you."

This OA cannot see through this, I don't think he is OA at all.

[fab]

Love is all that matters! :clap:

[Guest OA]

Hmmm... TS, I think the other person wanna break up with you but don't want to break your heart, so he used this OA term to you.

LOLZ, it is the typical break up line.

"You are too good for me, you should see someone else."

"It is not you, it is me"

"You did nothing wrong, I don't deserve you."

This OA cannot see through this, I don't think he is OA at all.

Thanks for taking 6 years to let me know this then, boyfren.

[rotikawin]

Totally out of topic, but What is an overachiever? Economic power? Social status? Grades?

A banker goes back to his empty 3000sqft penthouse in D09 and tuck himself to bed, alone, as always - OA? UA?

A banker goes back to his house of plenty, plenty of family members, plenty of kids, and plenty of gossips and scheming - OA? UA?

A senior technician who lived in 3rm hdb goes back to his adopted village, rebuilt from scratch (from his cpf savings) after a devastating earthquake, and is greeted warmly by affectionate villagers - OA? UA?

A

[Manbane]

If you think u r OA, just find someone of equal caliber or at the very least,

get someone who is confident of themselves.

My partner and i are very different too, he is very simple but thats what i like about him.

Lots of times he lament that the way i think and do things are out of his league but we have been together

for like 11 years and still strong.

More important thing is how you guys interact and whether if there is any chemistry between the two.

[Guest OA Too]

On a lighter side, may be we should form a OA club or something......lol

Super agree. How do contact you?

[stylishvicky]

hi TS, u got a pic to show?

[Guest Superficiality]

Could it be that he thinks that you are materialistic and superficial, and that he wants a way to split up that doesn't hurt your ego?

Quite obviously you have a high opinion of yourself. All your description is on materialistic and superficial terms.

Have you asked yourself, can you describe yourself as:

Kind,

Merciful,

Spiritual,

Encouraging,

Longsuffering,

Down-to-earth,

Humble,

Earnest?

I like to share some frustration I have with maintaining and finding a partner. I was told by my ex that he was inferior to me. That he is not as good-looking, fit, with high qualification, high positions and high income as me. After so many attempts to assure him i love him and he should not feel this way, the sentiment still persists and he initiate a breakup. Currently I am interested in this new guy who I thought is quite comparable to me but he is also hinting that i am too good for him! Anyone else encounter such issue? How do you avoid a relationship/courtship from becoming a competition.

[Guest UA]

I just find this very drama.

When an OA farts, it smells like everyone else.

True love has no boundaries.

Try a little humility.

[Guest Guest]

I like to share some frustration I have with maintaining and finding a partner. I was told by my ex that he was inferior to me. That he is not as good-looking, fit, with high qualification, high positions and high income as me. After so many attempts to assure him i love him and he should not feel this way, the sentiment still persists and he initiate a breakup. Currently I am interested in this new guy who I thought is quite comparable to me but he is also hinting that i am too good for him! Anyone else encounter such issue? How do you avoid a relationship/courtship from becoming a competition.

Just need to ask you a few personal questions (if u dun mind).

1. R u much older than ur bf?

2. Do u have BO?

3. Do you have good personality?R u self-centered?

This happened to u twice, it will happen for the 3rd time.

I think the problem does not lie in the fact that u r an OA. It's something within u.

[Guest So Materialistic realistic]

Notice in all the above posts, there are very few mention of the word love.

The obsessive concern with achievement is what drives the charm out of our community here and renders our counterparts in Malaysia, Thailand, Taiwan, Hk all the more lovable.

[abang]

Imbalance Social status is something we cannot avoid.

I have a decent college/MBA eduation and I hold on to a relatively-well paid job.

But it pales in comparsion with my beau. His company pays for his accomodation, yes, in District 9 and it is 1.5X my salary. That is to say, I dont even bother to know what he gets paid for his work as a high-level financial consultant.

But the initial uneasiness faded very quickly as we understood our spending strength. He pays for the more expensive dinners and I pay for the grocery from the supermarket. Anything above $200 he forks out but I will be paying the bill for those dinners below that amount. Mind you, we never question who pays what because it is a 50-50 relationship and we have equal footing and spending power.

In the long run, he must had paid more than me but I always find little gifts to give him in return. I buy him some (inexpensive) things like candles, oriental spices (for cooking)and books (cookbooks) to compensate all the Mont Blanc and Banyan Tree resorts.

Honestly, a gift is a gift regardless of its price. It is the value of appreciation and love.

[Guest Local Plus Plus]

Ya agree, I usually like to avoid ppl like u.

I wrk in PRC and run an office in the capital, but I'd rather have normal ppl as my lover. I'd have > 10 lovers from all over Hebei, i.e Chengde, Tangshan, Baoding, ZhuoZhou, Yanqing...civil servants, gahmen ppl, officers, most of the grew up on farms... and they are fun loving people who bond easily.

Some of the expats here from Sg, one thing is the face not good (prawn), second thing is they are like princes(no lack of Sg princesses and queens here in the PRC)... feet never touch the ground. Always gets chauffered around, never take the Metro even if it's congested like hell on the roads. Usually cooped up in an expat bubble in their condos and always complain about eating out and trying local stuff. Only goes out to bookstores and restaurants which caters to angmoh. Usually these places are overdecorated to make you think you're already out of the PRC. Always complain about cleanliness of bathhouses, etc... but funnily they are also the first to get ill and they fall sick very easily. One slurp of a local noodle and they keel over from stomach flu as if they've been shot.

Oh please... get a life. It's just a lot of work being around these people. These people deserve each other, where they should be made to sit with each other for hours in a Hotel skybar talking about their stocks and investments and pat each other's back for their Over Achievements. Haha.

I like to share some frustration I have with maintaining and finding a partner. I was told by my ex that he was inferior to me. That he is not as good-looking, fit, with high qualification, high positions and high income as me. After so many attempts to assure him i love him and he should not feel this way, the sentiment still persists and he initiate a breakup. Currently I am interested in this new guy who I thought is quite comparable to me but he is also hinting that i am too good for him! Anyone else encounter such issue? How do you avoid a relationship/courtship from becoming a competition.

[lohwpr]

Ya agree, I usually like to avoid ppl like u.

I wrk in PRC and run an office in the capital, but I'd rather have normal ppl as my lover. I'd have > 10 lovers from all over Hebei, i.e Chengde, Tangshan, Baoding, ZhuoZhou, Yanqing...civil servants, gahmen ppl, officers, most of the grew up on farms... and they are fun loving people who bond easily.

Some of the expats here from Sg, one thing is the face not good (prawn), second thing is they are like princes(no lack of Sg princesses and queens here in the PRC)... feet never touch the ground. Always gets chauffered around, never take the Metro even if it's congested like hell on the roads. Usually cooped up in an expat bubble in their condos and always complain about eating out and trying local stuff. Only goes out to bookstores and restaurants which caters to angmoh. Usually these places are overdecorated to make you think you're already out of the PRC. Always complain about cleanliness of bathhouses, etc... but funnily they are also the first to get ill and they fall sick very easily. One slurp of a local noodle and they keel over from stomach flu as if they've been shot.

Oh please... get a life. It's just a lot of work being around these people. These people deserve each other, where they should be made to sit with each other for hours in a Hotel skybar talking about their stocks and investments and pat each other's back for their Over Achievements. Haha.

People, I think u hv misunderstood OA. He is not playing the high&mighty role here. He is willing to adjust himself to love a person who is of a different social status. His problem is the one that he loves rejected him due to his accomplishments.

[Guest -superficiality-]

Not at all. You can see his attention is not focussed on the inner beauty. But rather the physical show of wealth, or superficial skin thick looks. But I am not commenting about the initial thread starter, what is even more frightening is that quite a few others seem to think that being an "OA" is a good thing. Goodness!

Imagine a day when the bad times come. When we have lost our jobs, our health fails, our good looks become wrinkles, then will they think about the inner goodness of people; rather than to judge them on income level, educational qualifications etc.

I challenge you to make an observation. Just like those people who are most anti-gay tend to be those who are afraid about their own latent gay sexuality; those people who are most boastful about their their achievements are those who are themselves worried about their own self worth.

Instead looking down on other people for lack of "social status", "nett worth" (what a horrible word), look into their hearts.

People, I think u hv misunderstood OA. He is not playing the high&mighty role here. He is willing to adjust himself to love a person who is of a different social status. His problem is the one that he loves rejected him due to his accomplishments.

[lohwpr]

Not at all. You can see his attention is not focussed on the inner beauty. But rather the physical show of wealth, or superficial skin thick looks. But I am not commenting about the initial thread starter, what is even more frightening is that quite a few others seem to think that being an "OA" is a good thing. Goodness!

Imagine a day when the bad times come. When we have lost our jobs, our health fails, our good looks become wrinkles, then will they think about the inner goodness of people; rather than to judge them on income level, educational qualifications etc.

I challenge you to make an observation. Just like those people who are most anti-gay tend to be those who are afraid about their own latent gay sexuality; those people who are most boastful about their their achievements are those who are themselves worried about their own self worth.

Instead looking down on other people for lack of "social status", "nett worth" (what a horrible word), look into their hearts.

Since we interpret OA's situation differently, I rest my case.

[Guest Kendall]

Notice in all the above posts, there are very few mention of the word love.

The obsessive concern with achievement is what drives the charm out of our community here and renders our counterparts in Malaysia, Thailand, Taiwan, Hk all the more lovable.

I think the post above hit right on the nail.

Sporeans are brought up in an environment where humanity and expressiveness are not emphasized.

Often, the lack of these handicaps a person in expressing his feelings, and most of the time, bring out the calculative characteristics instead.

Over the years, the lack of the above becomes part of the societal values.

And worse, many does not think this is 'wrong' in any way.

Without the awareness, it is hard for Sporeans not to be unlovable.

[Guest Happylark]

i couldnt help but snigger when i read this.

my lover's a cardiospecialist surgeon. i'm merely a student in training. does that mean i should shy away and initiate a breakup?

but i'm an executive member with YP. my lover's merely, an apathetic citizen who doesnt even know his own constituency leader. does that mean he should feel insufficient and get out of my life?

how do you draw the distinction of an OA? it's YOUR definition.

i think anyone who claims incompatibility because of achievements just used it as an excuse to say "hey, i'm just so not into you". isnt real love suppose to transcend all barriers?

[TheVisitors]

Ya agree, I usually like to avoid ppl like u.

I wrk in PRC and run an office in the capital, but I'd rather have normal ppl as my lover. I'd have > 10 lovers from all over Hebei, i.e Chengde, Tangshan, Baoding, ZhuoZhou, Yanqing...civil servants, gahmen ppl, officers, most of the grew up on farms... and they are fun loving people who bond easily.

Some of the expats here from Sg, one thing is the face not good (prawn), second thing is they are like princes(no lack of Sg princesses and queens here in the PRC)... feet never touch the ground. Always gets chauffered around, never take the Metro even if it's congested like hell on the roads. Usually cooped up in an expat bubble in their condos and always complain about eating out and trying local stuff. Only goes out to bookstores and restaurants which caters to angmoh. Usually these places are overdecorated to make you think you're already out of the PRC. Always complain about cleanliness of bathhouses, etc... but funnily they are also the first to get ill and they fall sick very easily. One slurp of a local noodle and they keel over from stomach flu as if they've been shot.

Oh please... get a life. It's just a lot of work being around these people. These people deserve each other, where they should be made to sit with each other for hours in a Hotel skybar talking about their stocks and investments and pat each other's back for their Over Achievements. Haha.

Haha.

Its a pretty accurate report on the upbringing behaviours of OAs, which I can cite just one real life example that I had with one.

Mr OA is infact someone quite well know here. His family business deals with properties. In fact his family owns quite a number of condos they built under their famil assests.

As usual, he owns one Jaguar,one Audi and 7 series BWM, changes his cars faster than we change our underwears.

Before my two other friends, A & B migrated to Canada, we used to hang out with Mr OA quite abit.

A & B are just like you and me, the ordinary folks who lives in our HDB, eat in hawker centres, or shop at Mustafa sometimes.

Mr OA only shops in Tangs, Taka, or Robinsons because he thinks other places sells trashs.

If he spots you wearing a shirt he likes and you disclosed to him...its Giordano or G2000..he will give you that unbelievable look like..you mean they can produce such good stuff? Of course, with a condescending tone attached to that.

Mr OA can afford a few sets of Hugo Boss business suites, his Alfred Dunhill bags, a few pairs of Bally shoes in on single shopping spree, while common folks like us while think twice when we wanna buy a Tod's wallet.

It was usually who Mr OA would call us out to hangout with him.

Frankly speaking, hanging out with him to eat frequently, often eats into our monthly expenses we set aside for entertaintment, because Mr OA only eats in certain places and locations. So to lesser our expenditure, three of us often eat in hawker centres before we meet up with him.

And frankly , we didn't quite enjoy attending many of his social gatherings with the rest of his OA friends and social elites. They were nothing less than doctors, plastic surgeons, lawyers, judges, CEOs, bankers etc, and nothing less than a Master's degree.

All they talk and gossip is about other celebrities within their circles, about the lastest French wine or restaurant in town, about the lastest sports car, stocks and shares, properties they are going to buy, the lastest design from Marc Jaocbs/Frank Miller/Zegna/Le Mer and the rest of the ostentatious taste.

And when we conversed with them, we get vibes from them that, they were pretty surprised that "people who lives in HDB" are pretty well read, well verse with food, wine, music, movies, well informed of other general knowledge and stuff. And how we ordinary folks could tolerate the nightmares when taking public transportation.

At that time, someone blurped to us, that why Mr OA selected three of us to meet his other friends, was because...we look presentable, we dressed well, spoke well, well informed of things, and were graduates, thus we wouldn't embarrass him infront of them.

Such revealtion can be hurtful and quite disturbing, but we still could accept him as he is ,because we have already accepted that he comes from another class and world of his own.

Then something did happen years ago.

That night, after returning home from one of the gatherings in his penthouse, I had this very uneasy feeling that he may lose everything he has, very soon. Thus I called him up and forewarned him, that " comes the month of October, be very careful in any of your business or share trading. Be very very careful" Being a Christian, he accused me of being played by the devil to utter such rubbish to him .

A few months later, in late November, he came crying to us that he was declared overnight a bankrupt, owning the bank about $5million, due to some shares trading that went very wrong.Thus he was forced to sell his penthouse, two of his other properties, his cars and some other assets.

And overnight he became an aged, broken man. None of his other OA friends or social elites contacted him, nor invited him over their gatherings, nor wanted to bail him out of his financial rut.

So for the next two years, he sticked with us, and we taught the lifestyles of us the ordinary folks.

For the truth is we see him as a person, and not even interested in his past worldly attachments.

Sometimes, he will call us up and complained about the rudness of people, when in a public transport, or when eating alone in a hawker centre.

We just have to listen, thats the most we can do.

Or he would complained how ungrateful his friends were towards him.

Two years later, he managed to buy a 3room HDB. But still, he was living from foot to mouth everyday.

To celebrate a glimpse of a good begining for him, three of us forked out some cash, bought him some furnitures and painted his house.

Still none of his other friends wanted to contact him.

So we often had a simple gathering in his house. Sorry, there will be no caviar, pate, foie gras, lobster terrain, or any of your fanciful French Bordeaux.

Only rojak, Chai dou gua, hokkien mee and ice kachang.

Four years later, he surprised us by telling us, he had sold his flat and bought a landed property ....somewhere near Orchard...

When we went for his house warming, we were very surprised his other guests were his other OAs and social elites, the very ones who walked out of him when he was bankrupt.But as we were merely his guests, and we have no right to question him whose on his guestlists.

Over dinner, an arguement over religion, broke out between A with two of his friends. It was something regarding about the bible. His friends were Christians, but the three of us were not.

Two days later over a dinner with him. he actually said we embarrased him infront of his other friends and guests.

Its from at that point, we had enough of him. After all, he comes from another world, another class of his own , thus we can never match up to the standards of his other friends.

He belongs to his world, while ours, our own.

In their world, they only talk about material things, but simple things as love and friendship and even basic humility topics are not in their conversational menu.

There is nothing wrong to possess material and achievements, but they failed to realize such things are impermanent. They do not last foever.

Often they failed to see that over emphaising such things and setting some standards and perfections,they actually denied themselves to enjoy the lighter and finer things in life, such as true friendships, and even love.

Thus it can often interfere the imtitate relationship they want and are trying establish with someone, who maybe of a lesser status than them.

Their achievemnets and status, often gives them s false facade that they are strong, powerful and indomitable.

But if you take away everything from them, they would just simply crumple, feeble and be lost.

People just failed to realize one thing. Material things are just facades and barricades they imposed upon themselves.

They basically forgot to see themselves as humans, having earthly humanly needs, as sex, love, friendship, joy and freedom.

Sometimes the happiest things comes from things which is simple and free.

Edited March 27, 2011 by TheVisitors

[evianguy]

I like to share some frustration I have with maintaining and finding a partner. I was told by my ex that he was inferior to me. That he is not as good-looking, fit, with high qualification, high positions and high income as me. After so many attempts to assure him i love him and he should not feel this way, the sentiment still persists and he initiate a breakup. Currently I am interested in this new guy who I thought is quite comparable to me but he is also hinting that i am too good for him! Anyone else encounter such issue? How do you avoid a relationship/courtship from becoming a competition.

You're trying to find someone of the same sexual competibility, same comfort level with his sexuality, same intention to seek out a partner and fancies you to the same degree as you fancy him. Add to that complex mix of variables, the need for the partner to be of equal or similar level financially, intellectually, academically and aesthetically (and I'm guessing morally and religiously as well) makes it an impossible undertaking to for anyone to find a partner. You will find that both of you will have to compromise on some of these criteria or remain single.

[Guest Guest]

If one is OA who is living in phantasy and the other is mindfully aware in reality, do they stand a chance to be together? One stays landed and drives a BMW and the other is mrt and hdb..... OA says you make me feel like a driver. I guess the answer is clear?

[Guest Twin]

After reading so many replies..... Guess OA has to wake-up. In a relationship, if u classified yourself as an OA, before it begins, it has destined to fail. Some even has the guts to mentioned OA club. ........ likely a lot of high posting readers here don't even dare to classify themselves as OA.

One joke for all self-classified OA, after u join the OA club, then u will discover yourself as UA ....... Or ur partner is OA to u.......haha .... Guess this thread if for losers who classified themselves as OA.

FYI, in a healthy relationship, only love, passion and care should exist. Money, status and other materilialistic objects should stay away...... All the best to all self-proclaimed OA/ loser. U r loser becos u r destinated to have no relationship or heart (new Verd in Oxford Dict)..

[Guest Guest]

let's be frank, who wouldn't love to date an OA? why do you think the best-looking guys (and girls) go to the doctors, plastic surgeons, lawyers, bankers and CEOs?

[loveedovee]

Haha.

Its a pretty accurate report on the upbringing behaviours of OAs, which I can cite just one real life example that I had with one.

Mr OA is infact someone quite well know here. His family business deals with properties. In fact his family owns quite a number of condos they built under their famil assests.

As usual, he owns one Jaguar,one Audi and 7 series BWM, changes his cars faster than we change our underwears.

Before my two other friends, A & B migrated to Canada, we used to hang out with Mr OA quite abit.

A & B are just like you and me, the ordinary folks who lives in our HDB, eat in hawker centres, or shop at Mustafa sometimes.

Mr OA only shops in Tangs, Taka, or Robinsons because he thinks other places sells trashs.

If he spots you wearing a shirt he likes and you disclosed to him...its Giordano or G2000..he will give you that unbelievable look like..you mean they can produce such good stuff? Of course, with a condescending tone attached to that.

Mr OA can afford a few sets of Hugo Boss business suites, his Alfred Dunhill bags, a few pairs of Bally shoes in on single shopping spree, while common folks like us while think twice when we wanna buy a Tod's wallet.

It was usually who Mr OA would call us out to hangout with him.

Frankly speaking, hanging out with him to eat frequently, often eats into our monthly expenses we set aside for entertaintment, because Mr OA only eats in certain places and locations. So to lesser our expenditure, three of us often eat in hawker centres before we meet up with him.

And frankly , we didn't quite enjoy attending many of his social gatherings with the rest of his OA friends and social elites. They were nothing less than doctors, plastic surgeons, lawyers, judges, CEOs, bankers etc, and nothing less than a Master's degree.

All they talk and gossip is about other celebrities within their circles, about the lastest French wine or restaurant in town, about the lastest sports car, stocks and shares, properties they are going to buy, the lastest design from Marc Jaocbs/Frank Miller/Zegna/Le Mer and the rest of the ostentatious taste.

And when we conversed with them, we get vibes from them that, they were pretty surprised that "people who lives in HDB" are pretty well read, well verse with food, wine, music, movies, well informed of other general knowledge and stuff. And how we ordinary folks could tolerate the nightmares when taking public transportation.

At that time, someone blurped to us, that why Mr OA selected three of us to meet his other friends, was because...we look presentable, we dressed well, spoke well, well informed of things, and were graduates, thus we wouldn't embarrass him infront of them.

Such revealtion can be hurtful and quite disturbing, but we still could accept him as he is ,because we have already accepted that he comes from another class and world of his own.

Then something did happen years ago.

That night, after returning home from one of the gatherings in his penthouse, I had this very uneasy feeling that he may lose everything he has, very soon. Thus I called him up and forewarned him, that " comes the month of October, be very careful in any of your business or share trading. Be very very careful" Being a Christian, he accused me of being played by the devil to utter such rubbish to him .

A few months later, in late November, he came crying to us that he was declared overnight a bankrupt, owning the bank about $5million, due to some shares trading that went very wrong.Thus he was forced to sell his penthouse, two of his other properties, his cars and some other assets.

And overnight he became an aged, broken man. None of his other OA friends or social elites contacted him, nor invited him over their gatherings, nor wanted to bail him out of his financial rut.

So for the next two years, he sticked with us, and we taught the lifestyles of us the ordinary folks.

For the truth is we see him as a person, and not even interested in his past worldly attachments.

Sometimes, he will call us up and complained about the rudness of people, when in a public transport, or when eating alone in a hawker centre.

We just have to listen, thats the most we can do.

Or he would complained how ungrateful his friends were towards him.

Two years later, he managed to buy a 3room HDB. But still, he was living from foot to mouth everyday.

To celebrate a glimpse of a good begining for him, three of us forked out some cash, bought him some furnitures and painted his house.

Still none of his other friends wanted to contact him.

So we often had a simple gathering in his house. Sorry, there will be no caviar, pate, foie gras, lobster terrain, or any of your fanciful French Bordeaux.

Only rojak, Chai dou gua, hokkien mee and ice kachang.

Four years later, he surprised us by telling us, he had sold his flat and bought a landed property ....somewhere near Orchard...

When we went for his house warming, we were very surprised his other guests were his other OAs and social elites, the very ones who walked out of him when he was bankrupt.But as we were merely his guests, and we have no right to question him whose on his guestlists.

Over dinner, an arguement over religion, broke out between A with two of his friends. It was something regarding about the bible. His friends were Christians, but the three of us were not.

Two days later over a dinner with him. he actually said we embarrased him infront of his other friends and guests.

Its from at that point, we had enough of him. After all, he comes from another world, another class of his own , thus we can never match up to the standards of his other friends.

He belongs to his world, while ours, our own.

In their world, they only talk about material things, but simple things as love and friendship and even basic humility topics are not in their conversational menu.

There is nothing wrong to possess material and achievements, but they failed to realize such things are impermanent. They do not last foever.

Often they failed to see that over emphaising such things and setting some standards and perfections,they actually denied themselves to enjoy the lighter and finer things in life, such as true friendships, and even love.

Thus it can often interfere the imtitate relationship they want and are trying establish with someone, who maybe of a lesser status than them.

Their achievemnets and status, often gives them s false facade that they are strong, powerful and indomitable.

But if you take away everything from them, they would just simply crumple, feeble and be lost.

People just failed to realize one thing. Material things are just facades and barricades they imposed upon themselves.

They basically forgot to see themselves as humans, having earthly humanly needs, as sex, love, friendship, joy and freedom.

Sometimes the happiest things comes from things which is simple and free.

wow.. so much drama.. these kinda people still exists.. how can they have it their hearts to treat friends like that.. tsk tsk

[Guest Guest]

wow.. so much drama.. these kinda people still exists.. how can they have it their hearts to treat friends like that.. tsk tsk

Oh,believe me. I met people like that . OA who are millionaires. But their greatest fear in life is to lose everything.

Money is their god. I have one ex-friend , an OA, who used to check on my finger nails, my teeth, my legs and passed comments on them. I thought it was a bit scary. The irony is he's almost in the CMI category and would dare to pick & choose. He treats his poorer friends like his servants. I am lucky bcoz I choose not to be part of his circle of friends. I think he is missing out on the part of life that is the most beautiful - SIMPLICITY.

[Guest Local Plus Plus]

Good one Visitor. Absolutely spot on.

Absolutely true about the restaurant situation. I don't understand why we have to spend so much on a meal per person... especially when it comes to ordering drinks and splitting the bill. Why does it always have to be some expensive juice, soup or imported red wine? What's wrong with water? And why does it have to be god damned Evian all the time?

One other aspect I might add from talking to an OA is, worrying whether he has enough money in the bank to last him a lifetime, through retirement and illness. I told him, ain't that ridiculous? If OA have to worry about that, we normal people might as well jump off the bridge now. I don't understand this nonsense.

Secondly, since they are OA, they usually got problem with motivation. It's like they've done everything, cross all the Ts and dot all the Is that they set out to do. Sometimes my OA friend would look at how I spend my time at my hobbies and sorta get jealous that I have a stronger direction and goal in my life than he does.

Anyway, enough about OA. I deal with some of these people in my business, and I can tell you that > half of them are socially dysfunctional. I'd rather have afternoon tea with their staff in a cafe than spend a minute with these people in their spotlessly plush but stale office.

Haha.

Its a pretty accurate report on the upbringing behaviours of OAs, which I can cite just one real life example that I had with one.

-Big Snip-

Sometimes the happiest things comes from things which is simple and free.

[Guest Guest]

I think the OAs are a delusional bunch. I know of this OA who would spend 8k on a portfolio and 1K on a shirt. They would flaunt these to make u feel jealous to give them the illusion that they are better than u. But they did not know the perceived value of these items are way below and not worth buying. They also feel that people are after their money. Very suspicious people.

[Guest Self reflects]

I like to share some frustration I have with maintaining and finding a partner. I was told by my ex that he was inferior to me. That he is not as good-looking, fit, with high qualification, high positions and high income as me. After so many attempts to assure him i love him and he should not feel this way, the sentiment still persists and he initiate a breakup. Currently I am interested in this new guy who I thought is quite comparable to me but he is also hinting that i am too good for him! Anyone else encounter such issue? How do you avoid a relationship/courtship from becoming a competition.

From one of the Snowball's thread:

◎想要强调自己，等於暴露自身的无能；想要別人肯定，等於对自己的否定。

◎在意自己，就会表现不好；在意別人，就会受到设限。

◎面对自己的內在，是自我改变的开始。

I guess is time for self-reflection

A recent radio caller, samantha said

“I live in Holland Village, and I just can’t understand why people from the heartlands want to come here. We people are cultured, and you heartlanders are definitely not cultured,” she had originally said on radio.

She defined heartlanders as being “people from Ang Mo Kio, Yishun, Toa Payoh and the nearby Bukit Batok” who “have no manners”, “talk loudly” and wear “cheap clothes from Bugis Street”.

Here's are some questions for you consider,

1. From the headline, YOU already classified yourself as OA (regardless what your ex and current friends said about "you are too good for them". Do you feel the same?

2. Some of the replies mentioned, relationship is a strike of balance between two parties. Did you do it? how you did it? The no. of attempts on assurance that you love him, what did you do wrong here? I've known this couple for ten years, never did I see the higher income party make a sacarstic remark or shows superiority infront of his partner. Occassionally, they might have remarks like: "really, there are so many poor people in Singapore?" but he is very generous to the poor by making large sum of donation to the needy charities. His partner loves him not because of his earning power, OA status or posh gifts (actually not many that I knew). Is your relationship based on mutual respect, loving each other and with open discussion? Or you are the dictator and made all decisions .....

3. I am sure you have a lot of OA friends? how do you feel when you are surrounded by them? If you blend well with them, go find partner in that circle and you will feel better off. However, just to cautious you that no two parties will have the same materialistic status. If you think highly of yourself, find yourself a twin to love. Even twins have different characteristics and behaviour. So learn how to love not by the measurement of material but care and passion.

All the best to you!!!

[Guest Guest]

Reply to the above posting:

Maybe u should try your luck to find your other half in Holland V?

ask Samantha to be your matchmaker?

[suckmenao]

I like to share some frustration I have with maintaining and finding a partner. I was told by my ex that he was inferior to me. That he is not as good-looking, fit, with high qualification, high positions and high income as me. After so many attempts to assure him i love him and he should not feel this way, the sentiment still persists and he initiate a breakup. Currently I am interested in this new guy who I thought is quite comparable to me but he is also hinting that i am too good for him! Anyone else encounter such issue? How do you avoid a relationship/courtship from becoming a competition.

Wow, this is some serious problem you are having. I guess I could not suggest anything but you should try giving your face a few scars, eat mcdonald's everyday, take a bath once a week, start smoking, drink like crazy, don't shave, and see the result.

If they think you're not good enough by that time, then it's just an excuse.

[Guest Guest]

Wow, this is some serious problem you are having. I guess I could not suggest anything but you should try giving your face a few scars, eat mcdonald's everyday, take a bath once a week, start smoking, drink like crazy, don't shave, and see the result.

If they think you're not good enough by that time, then it's just an excuse.

Not enuff lah. Donate all your branded stuffs to BWGF for their D&D.

1st Prize Your Condo

2nd Prize Your Jaguar

3rd Prize Your Patek Phillipe Watches Collections

After getting rid of all these excess 'baggage', u will be a normal guy but lucky in luv.

[suckmenao]

Not enuff lah. Donate all your branded stuffs to BWGF for their D&D.

1st Prize Your Condo

2nd Prize Your Jaguar

3rd Prize Your Patek Phillipe Watches Collections

After getting rid of all these excess 'baggage', u will be a normal guy but lucky in luv.

donate, but as a prize? but he sure needs to include me in the competition if it's ever happening

[Guest Guest]

donate, but as a prize? but he sure needs to include me in the competition if it's ever happening

[/quote

I die die must get the condo (I hope he does not donate his condom). U can have the jaguar (Coz I can't drive). I go Tau Pek Kong Temple to pray tomorrow morning. Dun worry, I will invite u and all UAs to my house-warming. NO OA invited.