Views On Emotionally Needy And Insecure Person

[GachiMuchi]

My friend's ex bf (before they were ex) keep sending daily SMS msgs to my friend : Do you miss me? If yes, How much?

My friend is really irked by the daily need for reassurance by his ex bf. His ex even ever ask if he will give up his family for him which my friend told him off that he will never give up his family and kids for him. They are only together for about 2 year and his ex thinks he can replace his family whom he knows longer. (Let's not debate about married men in gay r/ship as it has been discussed before)

Surprisingly, his ex is not some young 20 something but a 30ish man. Sadly, the ex is emotionally needy and insecure and constantly needs reassurance from my friend on a daily basis.

What's your view about people who is emotionally needy and insecure?

[Guest LOL]

What's your view about people who is emotionally needy and insecure?

There are actually quite a number in this forum. I noticed their typical profile is:

- socially inept

- effeminate/sissy

- bottom

- few friends

- quarrelsome / bitchy

- loner

- physically unattractive

- low self-esteem

Usually they resort to hanging around forums 24/7, posting their 'unique' 2cents on any and every topic, and end up pissing off more people.

[GachiMuchi]

There are actually quite a number in this forum. I noticed their typical profile is:

- socially inept

- effeminate/sissy

- bottom

- few friends

- quarrelsome / bitchy

- loner

- physically unattractive

- low self-esteem

Usually they resort to hanging around forums 24/7, posting their 'unique' 2cents on any and every topic, and end up pissing off more people.

The profile for my friend's ex :

- Discreet

- socially inept (Don't know)

- effeminate/sissy (No, don't think he is)

- bottom (Bingo)

- few friends (Don't know)

- quarrelsome / bitchy (No don't think he is)

- physically unattractive (yes, overweight)

- low self-esteem (seems so)

[MeowPrince]

What's your view about people who is emotionally needy and insecure?

Have come across a lot of such. And they are not limited to GLBs, lots of straight folks are like that too. Generally, I do find such people irksome, but have also come across some who are genuinely nice folk, just that they have been dealt a harsh deal by life at that point in time.

A gay couple I know are both like that. Every next minute is a "sorry, sorry" or "do you hate me?", that conversations became very painful. And they will disprove the profile in the physical department. Both are well built. A few straight friends I know (mostly female) have the same issue, and sometimes they attempt to cover it up by being bimbotic. If you look at their FB pages, the friends list run into the 2K-3K range!

I guess the only common denominators will be social skills and self-esteem. Though I do agree that the obese tend to feel this way more easily. Helping them is not practical, IMO, for they themselves must WANT to change themselves. Probably the better way about it is to just be there as a friend, someone for them to talk to. If you can fix it such that meeting with them always involves 3-4 persons, then that might help make them feel make inclined to follow group dynamics and be less.... annoying to you.

Just my thoughts and experiences with such folks.

[LupCheong]

What's your view about people who is emotionally needy and insecure?

These kind of people are known as emotional vampires

http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/dealing-with-emotional-vampires/

Drama Queen

This person needs to be center of attention 24 hours a day; he or she is great at getting attention and when he doesn’t get it or his way, he creates drama and outbursts believing that the intense emotion is a healthy connection. This person can also be passive- aggressive: seeking your approval and charming while he has it, but aggressive and abusive when he doesn’t get it.

When you are around this person, you feel like you are walking on egg shells, hiding your true feelings and riding an emotional roller coaster.

Understanding the emotional vampires

All of the above behaviors stem from negative experiences and programming. In other words, the emotional vampires feel empty and are missing something and thus they turn to you to fill them up with: validation, recognition, attention, approval, love, acceptance, reassurance, personal power, etc. No matter how confident and assertive they may appear, underneath, they often suffer from self-hatred, low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame and so forth.

Handling the emotional vampires

1. Mentally and emotionally separate yourself from their behavior: “I understand that the way others respond to me is about them”

2. Determine if it is possible to end this relationship – cut them off from your life

3. Become aware of how you feel around this person (creepy, tense, scared, weak, tired, trapped, shut-down, tight chest, etc) and if bad feelings arise, do your best to remove yourself from the setting as soon as possible (before the person can begin to drain or impact you)

4. Always respond with “matter-of-fact” tone and approach; maintain your calm and composure by listening but not allowing their words or behavior to enter you; imagine an impenetrable golden light around you

5. Breathe deeply before speaking back

6. Remind yourself that it is their intention to get a reaction from you

7. Limit your interactions with them as much as possible – avoid socializing

8. Firmly, clearly and openly state your limits and boundaries

9. When experiencing their tantrums and outbursts, imagine you are dealing with a five-year old child

10. Express compassion and empathy but place your limits

Edited April 7, 2011 by LupCheong

[Guest Guest]

What's your view about people who is emotionally needy and insecure?

Firstly, we must admit that this world consists of people of different behaviours and characters. There are no right or wrong answers. Just that your friend is unlucky to have met one, spent his 2 years with him and now haunted by a "ghost of his past deeds".

[waterballoon]

I think... since he's overweight, he probably feels a sense of insecurity. Like maybe he feels that as who he is, it's probably easy for him to be "replaced" by someone else better.. or at least that's what I think.

But again... it's quite redundant to be so clingy... Sticky people are so annoying, like dude, everyone needs his personal space @_@

Anyway, I guess that's why it's really selfish to be in a relationship if you haven't figured out who you are, or if you can't exactly love yourself.. cos it's just selfish to expect someone else to be your life mentor or something.

[Firday]

Guess the city life is STRESS FULL that why people become so unsecure.

We got mobile phone to instant contact but lack of intimacy.

We got video chat but lack of touch.

Well this is life, lah.

[Guest Featheric]

I have this philosophy that anyone that comes into our lives and decided to stay is a kind of fate and should be cherished. Unless one day, the fate is no more.

Like in your friend's case,

I don't understand why people need to ask a married man with a family to choose between the family and him.

Why can't everyone coexist together. As it is evidently seen... where there is no demand, there would be no need. Everyone comes together for a reason. Unless one has fully expounded that meaning and move on to live another way of live. That in my view point is that the fate is then no more.

Perhaps I am a keeper. I am keep whoever who is willing to coexist and stay.

[Guest Featheric]

I have this philosophy that anyone that comes into our lives and decided to stay is a kind of fate and should be cherished. Unless one day, the fate is no more.

Like in your friend's case,

I don't understand why people need to ask a married man with a family to choose between the family and him.

Why can't everyone coexist together. As it is evidently seen... where there is no demand, there would be no need. Everyone comes together for a reason. Unless one has fully expounded that meaning and move on to live another way of live. That in my view point is that the fate is then no more.

Perhaps I am a keeper. I am keep whoever who is willing to coexist and stay.

Sorry, correction, No Demand no supply. Thanks.

[Guest amidst_the_stars]

My friend's ex bf (before they were ex) keep sending daily SMS msgs to my friend : Do you miss me? If yes, How much?

My friend is really irked by the daily need for reassurance by his ex bf. His ex even ever ask if he will give up his family for him which my friend told him off that he will never give up his family and kids for him. They are only together for about 2 year and his ex thinks he can replace his family whom he knows longer. (Let's not debate about married men in gay r/ship as it has been discussed before)

Surprisingly, his ex is not some young 20 something but a 30ish man. Sadly, the ex is emotionally needy and insecure and constantly needs reassurance from my friend on a daily basis.

What's your view about people who is emotionally needy and insecure?

I really think that your friend's ex bf should just make an effort to move on. In the first place, he should have known that nothing fruitful would come out from this r/s.

Maybe your friend's ex needs to go on a self-affirmation trip to find himself again or perhaps some counselling. To rebuild his confidence and start afresh.

And MeowPrince is right about the reasons on the origin for such people and the ways in dealing with them. Maybe you can have a 1-1 talking session tith your friend's ex over coffee or drinks or sumthing? Just a suggestion.

Edited April 7, 2011 by amidst_the_stars

[GachiMuchi]

Hey, Why you guys keep waylaying the topic into a fight?

Please stick to the topic discussed.

Any more bitching on other topics and I will get you guys suspended.

All bitching have been moved to http://www.blowingwind.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=22850

[MeowPrince]

Please do not mis-quote me. I did NOT suggest 1-1 session.

On the topic itself, insecure individuals with an overly inflated sense of self-worth tend to be more bitchy too. Perhaps that is something for all of us to think about.

[GachiMuchi]

I really think that your friend's ex bf should just make an effort to move on. In the first place, he should have known that nothing fruitful would come out from this r/s.

Maybe your friend's ex needs to go on a self-affirmation trip to find himself again or perhaps some counselling. To rebuild his confidence and start afresh.

And MeowPrince is right about the reasons on the origin for such people and the ways in dealing with them. Maybe you can have a 1-1 talking session tith your friend's ex over coffee or drinks or sumthing? Just a suggestion.

I don't know my friend's ex and I hv no intention to intervene into their affairs. I merely point out that there are emotional needy and insecure person who will need regular assurance from their partner. Without realising that they are emotionally draining and no amount of assurance can pacify them. They have to come terms with their expectations.

I myself have been in such situations too. So I can understand the frustrations and irksomeness to such acts.

Let's hope he reads BW and from the various views given, he can understand and be better in his next r/ship.

[Eddy]

Better ask your friend to be careful when dealing with this kind of nut case.

Later end up like Glen Close in Fatal Attraction and boil the family pet rabbit...

[Guest amidst_the_stars]

Eh I wasn't quoting from you Meowprince. The 1-1 session suggestion is mine and perhaps the way I contruct my paragraphs or sentences lead u to misinterpret . Sorry about that .

It's just my suggestion , not trying to act as some expert or anything yup. Yeah hope he wont behind like Glenn close from Fatal Attraction haha.

[Guest G Kamen rider]

My friend's ex bf (before they were ex) keep sending daily SMS msgs to my friend : Do you miss me? If yes, How much?

My friend is really irked by the daily need for reassurance by his ex bf. His ex even ever ask if he will give up his family for him which my friend told him off that he will never give up his family and kids for him. They are only together for about 2 year and his ex thinks he can replace his family whom he knows longer. (Let's not debate about married men in gay r/ship as it has been discussed before)

Surprisingly, his ex is not some young 20 something but a 30ish man. Sadly, the ex is emotionally needy and insecure and constantly needs reassurance from my friend on a daily basis.

What's your view about people who is emotionally needy and insecure?

Friend F and F's Ex Ex

F's Ex might be getting the signals that he will become F's ExBF soon that why Ex kept sending F SMS.

F is irked by Ex's action partly in the fact that he is afraid that he will be discovered by his family.

Ex ask F "if" F would give up his family for Ex.To which F "Told" Ex off.And a 2 year relationship which ended predictably after that.

The question:- What's your view about people who is emotionally needy and insecure?

Ex's Insecurity came from F inability to commit to a relationship.

Ex's Emotional dependency on F's reassurance could be due to the fact that Ex might only be out to F and so he does not have that many people to turn to.

Basically Ex need more friends who care.

And I seriously doubt that they can have a 2 year relation without Ex being F emotional support too.

So personally, I think Ex would be better off with someone else other than F because fundamentally Ex need someone who can commit to a relationship.

Young or mature. People still need to have someone who is there when they need them. be it Forum, Group, friends or family.

Just like F want to keep his family which is his right. Ex have a right to find someone who can be committed to him.

And I Think F should Stick to ONS or F Buddy relationship.

And please lah. Being overweight does not mean that the guy is unattractive.If his face is golden ration like Michelangelo's Statue of David but body of sumo wrestler. The guy is still consider good looking or attractive.

[doncoin]

What's your view about people who is emotionally needy and insecure?

High-maintenance. My ex's current bf is that way and it drives me crazy. I have been wanting to rant about it for a while but kept my mouth shut to play the role of the supportive ex-bf. (We are great friends).

AGE:

His current bf lies about his age. My ex slipped out his actual age once to me. The guy is 10 years older than he claims to be. What's weird to me is all his friends are buying it. Granted he looks younger than his age, it should be something to be proud of, not hide. The awkward moment came at his birthday party. It was weird to keep hearing everyone talking about celebrating his next birthday- the big 4.0. when it should be 50. My ex and I exchanged eye contact and trust me, I rolled my eyes big time.

HAIR

He wears a wig. Again, my ex slipped that out in a drunken moment early on in their relationship. It happened when the bf was going down to give him a bj. Usually you would sort of cradle your hands around the guy's head, and the bf kept flipping his hands off, and finally he fessed up about the wig. I had personally wish that my ex never blurted this out because now everytime I see the bf, I cannot help staring at his head. It is a very good wig though- Hugh Grant-ish in 4 Weddings and a Funeral type. Floppish on the front, and really thick.

MAKE UP

He wears make up. Eyeliner, foundation etc. I mean not obviously overdone, but you can tell he has makeup on up close. I recall last summer while we had a BBQ, it was a very hot day, and I noticed the streaks on his face, 2 shades difference and had to tell my ex to tell the bf to go to the bathroom for a touch up. I think it is ok to wear a little bit on days when you have blemish that you want to hide or something, but for God's sake, it is BBQ on a hot summer's day, be sensible.

Between the wig and the make up, they are always late for the events.

NEED FOR VALIDATION... CONSTATNLY.

They are dating about a year now, and what drives my ex crazy and he will come and complain to me and our friends about is the bf's need for validation, constantly. Whenever they are hanging out separately with their own friends, the bf will call and tell my ex how many guys hit on you etc. I guess to make my ex feel jealous (which he does not) and to make himself feel attractive. With me, I noticed this pattern everytime we have a conversation. He will always end it with "Am I right?" or "Don't you agree with me?" or simply "Right?" As if he cannot be sure of his own opinion and needs a second opinion to validate his point of view. It drives me insane. I feel like telling him at times "No. I disagree with you..." just to see his reaction.

ME

Maybe I am imagining the whole thing, but I do sense that the bf is threatened by my presence. My ex and I are still great friends. After 5 years together, we parted amicably. We are still important in each other's lives but somehow the bf is not too secure about it. I've told my ex that maybe we should hang out less, and if we do, it has to be in a group scenario with our other close friends present.

UNEMPLOYMENT

The bf got laid off about a year ago and has not been able to secure a full-time position. My ex was also unemployed for a while and with both unemployed, they spent a lot of time together. However recently, my ex got hired to a new job and their time together got severely reduced. My ex told me the situation got pretty bad when he receives more than 10 txt a day from the bf, including those like Gachi Muchi's friend's ex- Do you miss me... and how much? type.

So at the end of it all, I basically told me ex that I can only hang out with his in a social scenario and he has got to act as a buffer between us. I have very little patience for people who act on their insecurity. We all have our insecurities, it is how we act and behave towards them that makes the difference.

Edited April 7, 2011 by chelseasian

[TheVisitors]

Dont you realize that sometimes being emotionall needy and insecure is a pretended form of emotional manipulation?

The 'victim' here plays the weak and the helpless, is actually the silent real tyrant and manipulator, who orchestrated everything to fit into his schemes of things.

[Guest amidst_the_stars]

Dont you realize that sometimes being emotionall needy and insecure is a pretended form of emotional manipulation?

The 'victim' here plays the weak and the helpless, is actually the silent real tyrant and manipulator, who orchestrated everything to fit into his schemes of things.

The big problem is, how do we see behind the facade? Sometimes their acting can be as brilliant as Meryl Streep...

[TheVisitors]

The big problem is, how do we see behind the facade? Sometimes their acting can be as brilliant as Meryl Streep...

I live my this principle

"Listen carefully to what they didnt say, see what they didnt do" reverse playing the reverse.For when the reverse is deflected, the truth is slowly revealed.

Listen to all they emphasis, things they dont emphasis are things they are hidding. Listen very carefully to very small details whether they fit into a big logical picture. This needs very acute form of listening.

Check their background, know their weakness as well as strenght. Observe all their habits including diet fashion style and how they place and organize their things.

Dont let them know what you already knew, so play along with their game, untill they are caught off guard, because people all have a certain threshold in how long they can put on a front.

Look at their body language. If you can, look at them from the corner of your eyes, or observe them through a reflect, because they won't realize you are observing them through/via a reflection.

Listen to their voice. your six sense can tell if they are lying or not.

Lastly if you ever pick up graphology, you can see throught what they are.

Edited April 7, 2011 by TheVisitors

[TheVisitors]

One more thing I forgot to add. I have being doing palmistry for years. Its a science by itself. By looking at a person's thumb, finger length, formation, texture at a glance, you can already access 50% of a person personality

[Guest Guest]

You just feeling sour-grapes like a divorced woman. If your ex's current bf is so so bad like what you have listed out here, why are they still together ??? and you being dumped long ago??? Please wake up and move on, don't interfere into your so-called ex's affair. It's his life and you have your's (??) or you just like to continue to peep into people's backyard?? :lol: (I believe you'll never admit you're) :oops: :oops:

High-maintenance. My ex's current bf is that way and it drives me crazy. I have been wanting to rant about it for a while but kept my mouth shut to play the role of the supportive ex-bf. (We are great friends).

/

/

So at the end of it all, I basically told me ex that I can only hang out with his in a social scenario and he has got to act as a buffer between us. I have very little patience for people who act on their insecurity. We all have our insecurities, it is how we act and behave towards them that makes the difference.

[waterballoon]

Dont you realize that sometimes being emotionall needy and insecure is a pretended form of emotional manipulation?

The 'victim' here plays the weak and the helpless, is actually the silent real tyrant and manipulator, who orchestrated everything to fit into his schemes of things.

That is so damn true. Some drama queens are perfect at acting victimized to gain the sympathy of others, so that everyone will be on his side and think he's right... omg are they blind or something :swear:

[doncoin]

You just feeling sour-grapes like a divorced woman. If your ex's current bf is so so bad like what you have listed out here, why are they still together ??? and you being dumped long ago??? Please wake up and move on, don't interfere into your so-called ex's affair. It's his life and you have your's (??) or you just like to continue to peep into people's backyard?? :lol: (I believe you'll never admit you're) :oops: :oops:

Actually I initiated to end the relationship. I do enjoy my singlehood for the most parts. I am not interfering in the relationship, just listening to my ex vent his frustrations while I roll my eyes. I am not perfect, I admit it and I have my insecurities as well. Just that I feel for someone who is older, I expect a lot more out of him. Insecurities about the way we look is something we dealt with in our teens and 20s. Once you are above that age, I feel, that there has to be acceptance about how you look, as the reality is, it's not going to get any better as you get older.

You are absolutely right that it is his life. Just that we have to see each other all the time, since my ex and I have a lot of friends in common, and he doesn't want to feel left out. So I always have to make sure that the 2 of them are included in our social activities, though it pisses me off that I never get invited to theirs' (but that's another story).

Relationships are complicated. The bf is a really nice person as most people are, hence that is why they are together. I think they are a better fit than I was with my ex. Granted the bf is a much higher maintenance person than I am, but my ex has learnt to accept most of it, and rant about it to me and our friends. I supposed I am ranting just because I wish the bf would stop his obsessive insecure behavior, snap out of it, and realise what a great guy my ex is, and be secure about himself and grow versus acting on the insecurities.

[doncoin]

That is so damn true. Some drama queens are perfect at acting victimized to gain the sympathy of others, so that everyone will be on his side and think he's right... omg are they blind or something :swear:

That sounds like my sister.

[suckmenao]

One more thing I forgot to add. I have being doing palmistry for years. Its a science by itself. By looking at a person's thumb, finger length, formation, texture at a glance, you can already access 50% of a person personality

I have also tried to read palm lines several times, and 99% have told me that my reading is true and kinda surprised of it.

[TheVisitors]

I have also tried to read palm lines several times, and 99% have told me that my reading is true and kinda surprised of it.

Regarding your comments in my profile. You really want me to teach you the fundementals of palmistry and tarot? I have being practising both for 12 years, but I have stopped for almost 5 years.

Taking a break to recharge myself.

That gift in me was spotted by an old gypsy woman whom I met in Spain one summer when I was 15. There was an instant chemistry between us when we first met , as thought I knew her from some where before. A sense of familiar spirit.

Now, this is abit abstract. Such skills were actually exclusive and well versed by the gypsies, thus they are connected.

Thus some where in your past, you must have the gypsy blood, in order for you to facilitate such learning in the present.

And I think you know what I mean.

PM me if you want to know more.

[evianguy]

Many of us have already developed internal alarm bells for such undesirable attributes like Emotionally Needy, High Maintenance, Low Self Esteem, Presumptous, Clingy guys. As soon as my alarm bell goes off in relation to any of these attributes, I'll tread with care.

[GachiMuchi]

You guys hv gone off topic. Pls keep to the topic and take ur other topic offline or it will be removed.

[Guest Guest]

That gift in me was spotted by an old gypsy woman whom I met in Spain one summer when I was 15. There was an instant chemistry between us when we first met , as thought I knew her from some where before. A sense of familiar spirit.

Now, this is abit abstract. Such skills were actually exclusive and well versed by the gypsies, thus they are connected.

Thus some where in your past, you must have the gypsy blood, in order for you to facilitate such learning in the present.

Bunch of bullshit...