Views On Emotionally Distant Person

[Guest Rivrics]

Since there is a post on emotional needy, I guess another point of view would be emotionally distant person.

If a person is interested and in a realtionship we are to fulfill each others desires. However if one calls and the other party does not return call, more than a single occasion not even to check what is it that you want, or how did you day went, then is he emotionally using you while keeping himself at a distant? How does one balance each others emotional needs then?

[GachiMuchi]

Since there is a post on emotional needy, I guess another point of view would be emotionally distant person.

If a person is interested and in a realtionship we are to fulfill each others desires. However if one calls and the other party does not return call, more than a single occasion not even to check what is it that you want, or how did you day went, then is he emotionally using you while keeping himself at a distant? How does one balance each others emotional needs then?

Here are more questions for you so that we can better understand your situation.

1. Some idea of who you are.

How old are you?

How old is he?

How did you guys meet?

2. If a person is interested and in a realtionship we are to fulfill each others desires.

What desires are you referring to?

Was it agreed or assumed?

Each person's needs and wants are different, I think you should know about it rite?

3. If one calls and the other party does not return call, more than a single occasion not even to check what is it that you want, or how did you day went.

What reasons did he give you for not returning call?

Did you call him during office hours or after work?

Was it urgent?

SMS/What's apps or text msg not possible?

How many attempts did you tried to get him?

4. Is he emotionally using you while keeping himself at a distant?

How does one emotionally use you? Care to elaborate?

How do you keep in contact?

How long are you guys together?

Was it a two party agreement to be together or was it just you?

5. How does one balance each others emotional needs then?

Have you expressed your emotional needs in a discussion?

What are they? Please elaborate.

[Derrick8]

delete

Edited February 19, 2016 by Derrick8

[Guest Ice Ball]

Since there is a post on emotional needy, I guess another point of view would be emotionally distant person.

If a person is interested and in a realtionship we are to fulfill each others desires. However if one calls and the other party does not return call, more than a single occasion not even to check what is it that you want, or how did you day went, then is he emotionally using you while keeping himself at a distant? How does one balance each others emotional needs then?

That is probably your own perspective. I distanced my best friend for various reason:-

We used to go out regularly but most of the time he likes to use the word "ME, I, MY" and the whole discussion only centered around himself. He doesn't care how other people feel during our meeting. At times drag me down with his own problems. When it is my turn to speak he will reply "whatever". You get the drift?

He is not a bad person, but he failed terribly when it comes to understanding the meaning of frienship. During conversation, he will glued his eyes on his hp, typing or reading message almost at every few minutes interval. To a point where I felt I was being ignored or whether he was listening when I was talking.

As a best friend, he never failed to call me everyday and we met everyweek but when it came to meeting, he will be busy on the hp...giggling away with someone at the other end of the line, as if I was invisible beside him. It reached a stage when I finally made up my mind to distance him - for not wanting to see him, refuse to answer his call and didn't bother to reply him. It has been 10 years and somehow, and the weird thing is I don't seemed to miss anything.

[Guest remington]

That is probably your own perspective. I distanced my best friend for various reason:-

We used to go out regularly but most of the time he likes to use the word "ME, I, MY" and the whole discussion only centered around himself. He doesn't care how other people feel during our meeting. At times drag me down with his own problems. When it is my turn to speak he will reply "whatever". You get the drift?

He is not a bad person, but he failed terribly when it comes to understanding the meaning of frienship. During conversation, he will glued his eyes on his hp, typing or reading message almost at every few minutes interval. To a point where I felt I was being ignored or whether he was listening when I was talking.

As a best friend, he never failed to call me everyday and we met everyweek but when it came to meeting, he will be busy on the hp...giggling away with someone at the other end of the line, as if I was invisible beside him. It reached a stage when I finally made up my mind to distance him - for not wanting to see him, refuse to answer his call and didn't bother to reply him. It has been 10 years and somehow, and the weird thing is I don't seemed to miss anything.

Good on yer , mate.

Really, cut your losses and bail out of the sinking ship.

I myself have met people like this, too

[doncoin]

Since there is a post on emotional needy, I guess another point of view would be emotionally distant person.

If a person is interested and in a realtionship we are to fulfill each others desires. However if one calls and the other party does not return call, more than a single occasion not even to check what is it that you want, or how did you day went, then is he emotionally using you while keeping himself at a distant? How does one balance each others emotional needs then?

Personally, I feel there is this misconception about being in a relationship to fulfill or complete each other. From personal experiences, I think it is scary when 2 persons are in a relationship, and they look to each other to fulfill whatever that is lacking emotionally in their lives. My fear is, should the relationship ends, does that mean one party or both becomes incomplete again? And they both have to go on that never ending quest to seek what's missing in their lives?

Over the years I have come to recognise this: to be in a relationship, one has to be complete within oneself first. Forget about the "You complete me..." Jerry McGuire b/s. You have to feel secure about yourself and be confident about it knowing that if you meet that special someone, he is the guy who is not going to complete you, but he is going to compliment you, make you a better man.

Do you want to be with somebody whom you have to call 2x a day txt 20x expressing how you feel about each other in order to feel secure and emotionally connected?

You got to believe in yourself first, then he and others will believe in you.

[rotikawin]

my best friend for various reason:-

understanding the meaning of frienship.

As a best friend,

I don't seemed to miss anything.

Actually I found it rather strange instead that YOU regard him as best friend in the first place

what is the meaning of best friendship to YOU?

[Guest Blaidd_Drwg]

For me, I am an emotionally distant person and I can understand how people may sometimes think of us.

But you must understand that we have spent our lives focusing on other things than emotions. To us, emotions are scary. We totally lose our rationality in it.

Take me for example, I am extremely productive when I'm cold. The moment I become emotional, my friends say I'm like a crashing train. Suddenly, I just don't think straight (but matter of fact, I never did think straight ).

Another example is the thread about PRC Ma La soup. I was so emotional that I lost my sense of fairness and objectivity during the discussion. Today, I look back at my posts and realise how silly I was to argue from anger.

It takes time for people to adjust with the extremely down-to-earth nature of our types. High-stimuli types will be the first to do an escape stunt.

But I tell you, we will stick to the very end because we have already rationalised everything, the last frontier is to face our emotions and when we actually invest in emotions, you know that we value you and the relationship so much.

PS: Dear, if you come across this. Please don't remind me of it. Let me live in my little fantasy of ignorance.

Edited April 9, 2011 by Blaidd_Drwg

[suckmenao]

Since there is a post on emotional needy, I guess another point of view would be emotionally distant person.

If a person is interested and in a realtionship we are to fulfill each others desires. However if one calls and the other party does not return call, more than a single occasion not even to check what is it that you want, or how did you day went, then is he emotionally using you while keeping himself at a distant? How does one balance each others emotional needs then?

When you call and the other party doesn't return it, you can be more than 70% certain that he's just not that into you, I have known people (as friend) who are both extremely needy and extremely distant, both sux though the needy ones are more annoying and sometimes you feel like you wanna hit them with a baseball bat to shut them up (though I would kiss him to shut him up if he's hot ) the distant ones I have known better to just leave them be and let them decide themselves what they want in the end. Most of the time the distant ones are just distant because they don't think it is necessary to open up/intimidated in some way/you're just not good enough for their time/don't interest them enough. When a guy loves you, they can never be too distant unless they're faking it to look cool (which is not) like how women always fake orgasm.

[Guest Ice Ball]

Actually I found it rather strange instead that YOU regard him as best friend in the first place

what is the meaning of best friendship to YOU?

Basically we regard ourselves as best friend -

on the number of meetings we had every week,

the chemistry of topics we shared

the type of foods we love

we came from the same army camp

we enjoyed our jokes and teasing

we loves the same place

we stayed within the same zone of Singapore

we talked about our own love story

we went sports together

we saw each other's dick without being shy

but we never sleep with each other because he is not my type of guy and I don't despise him.

However over the years, after his soured relationship with his ex bf, he seemed to change and wanted some sort of competition to prove his life is much better than mine...since I was in relationship then too. So he will try to make himself feel "popular" by busying himself with calls, messages and emails with other party. He even brought a "fake" bf home to introduce to me when my own relationship went sour with my ex bf. He deliberately send emails to all his friends and copied me which has no relevant to me to prove that he has many other friends other than me.

That is when I feel the need to distance myself with strong statement - he can have all the world to himself now and lose me. I played importance and emotional game but I have no other option except to behave like an emotional distant person as the topic suggested.

[Guest Guest]

I am a emtionally distant person. I prefer to spend more time with myself.

I am not toally anti-social and i do get along with ppl.

I am hot with ppl I like/know and cold to ppl i have no chemistry or i m not uncomfortable.

But it's my problem and not theirs.

[darkflame]

I believe one cannot choose to be emotionally distant or not.

But one can fake it and behave normally.

Even to the extent of being sociable, or flirtatous,

that he may not even have feelings for the other party yet act like a loving boyfriend.

I'm pretty emotionally distant if you look between the lines.

I never developed social skills.

I learnt them.

Because I didn't develop social skills, I couldn't fit in.

Luckily, I knew what will happen if I chose the easy way out. I decided to learn social skills by observing.

I couldn't function in society naturally but that doesn't mean I can't function artificially.

I have a wide circle of friends today.

I can turn pretty jaded when my social skills fail me.

Thankfully, I sit in a corner and analyse where I have failed so that I can succeed by modifying my technique.

Looking at people drifting here and there, they are like flawed dolls.

A little pull on their social strings and you see their reactions. It's amazingly...stupid.

Because of that, an emptiness fills me.

It is filled by enjoying anything chaotic.

Psychotic movies, drawing gruesome imagery with blood-red ink, worshipping villains, revealing my real self only to be seen as a joker.

Patrick Bateman is my one and only true idol.

This is my choice of main character if I ever write a book, or come across fiction.

It's up to open interpretation if the depiction reflects my inner thoughts.

[Guest Guest]

I you send the person a SMS or email for info, eg I found a new iPhone game, here it is, may be you would like to play too. And nothing comes back. Do you consider this emotionally distant ?

[doncoin]

I you send the person a SMS or email for info, eg I found a new iPhone game, here it is, may be you would like to play too. And nothing comes back. Do you consider this emotionally distant ?

Nope. What a kind of response are you looking for? A thank you note? Want to play together?