How To Make More Gay Friends? - Newbie Gays "how To" Guide (Compiled)

[derryfawne]

hmm, that doesn't leave me a lot of opportunities does it?

waiting for life to throw things at me doesn't seem like a very good approach. probably the most natural, but also a bit passive?

i'd love to be invited to these parties, but nobody's invited me for any of these things. =\

Aside from what other posters mentioned, i.e. building good interpersonal network that will get you invited to parties, a possible alternative is to take the initiative and hold gatherings yourself. I've seen some BW threads that successfully leverage on this, basing on various common interests.

[tamshui]

I just read all these posts.. some are just crazy!!!! We are in Asia, most countries are closeted. NO reason you have to come out to others, but you should come out to yourself! I found here in SG, if you come out , people start introducing you as "this is so and so" he is gay. So silly!!!! I'm not a local. I came out at 21, thank god I have loving parents. I have been in Asia for 15 years, I think the best way is not to say anything. Who you date and sleep with is your biz. Who walks up to you and say" I'm so and so and I like this sex position!" Just be honest to yourself is the most important thing! Don't do harm to others like marry under pressure, you have to be a real man, and just tell whoever your not marriage material, and thats it! I wish you the very best and I'm sure it will all work out!. trust me! Been there, Done that!

[Guest Guest]

Hi guys!

Read your posts out there, here's what I've to say.

I consider myself semi-closeted, I've never out myself to my family, but I've announced myself gay to most if not all of my friends and colleagues.

Neither am I the clubbing sort... nor do I have any gay social circle to meet up with.

Some people I know are gays, but to me, everyone is just part of a lifestyle, everyone is normal, I don't regard who's gay who's not.

I've thrown everything to fate or let nature takes its course... u may call me passive, some friends find me zen, I simply see myself bo chap...

When u reach a certain age, relationships just not as important anymore...

If he's meant to be yours, he'll be yours forever, no point fret over something beyong your control.

I may even end up living a life of a monk, but if I'm destined that way, then so be it, as long as I know I'm leading a life I call my OWN!!!

[imran]

is it possible just to want an sms fren? msg each other just for daily trivial things? i yearning for tis..

[SeannyShortcake]

When I was younger,I literally I was an odd one out.

Because my gay-dar wasn't functioning back then and having a boyfriend to care and be cared for was beyond my wildest dreams.

The first Ajs I saw was at a bookstore where their dressing were so fashionably salah and gossip about their boyfriends dripped from their lips. Lol,I wasn't alone apparently.

Anyway I digress. Go for Aj outings. Use them social apps. Be daring and reach out.

The world opens up to you after that.

Edited May 7, 2012 by SeannyShortcake

[Blacque]

When I was younger,I literally I was an odd one out.

Because my gay-dar wasn't functioning back then and having a boyfriend to care and be cared for was beyond my wildest dreams.

The first Ajs I saw was at a bookstore where their dressing were so fashionably salah and gossip about their boyfriends dripped from their lips. Lol,I wasn't alone apparently.

Anyway I digress. Go for Aj outings. Use them social apps. Be daring and reach out.

The world opens up to you after that.

Very true... step out of your comfort zone. Find people, and not them find you.

[Atrapada]

Hi guys!

Read your posts out there, here's what I've to say.

I consider myself semi-closeted, I've never out myself to my family, but I've announced myself gay to most if not all of my friends and colleagues.

Neither am I the clubbing sort... nor do I have any gay social circle to meet up with.

Some people I know are gays, but to me, everyone is just part of a lifestyle, everyone is normal, I don't regard who's gay who's not.

I've thrown everything to fate or let nature takes its course... u may call me passive, some friends find me zen, I simply see myself bo chap...

When u reach a certain age, relationships just not as important anymore...

If he's meant to be yours, he'll be yours forever, no point fret over something beyong your control.

I may even end up living a life of a monk, but if I'm destined that way, then so be it, as long as I know I'm leading a life I call my OWN!!!

Totally agree, we as gays or bi ppl are just like any other individuals out there.

Gotta let time, season and chance to flow alongside the heart thus hopefully bringing

Upon greater understanding. matters of the heart cannot be forced but only understood

And discovered!

[hollister88]

if only the society is accepting enough, or should I say, myself.

[Maquis]

Dear guest who started this post.

You found this site, so you're already half way there. If you were to register as a member here and drop me a PM, we can have a cup of coffee and a chat. I can intro u to some of my friends, or u can PM other people here and become friends with them.

It's that simple.

[imran]

if u r gd looking, slim fit watever...u can find anything anywhere..bt the average or ugly, too big, skinny, coloured.. or too this too that..u..visit lots of site n the response roughly the same once u show pic or put up ur stats..

speaking frm xperience.

[Actsofjohn]

just came out to my family and friends and girlfriend

so i am trying to check for whats the good bars (and saunas =P) here in Singapore.

im not so much in the club scene... looking for good drinks where the music is not too loud you cant talk to people.

i dont speak any other language other than english and tagalog.

back then as a straight guy, my favorite bar was that blues bar in clarke quay near hooters something with elephant or elephunk on it...so a bar like that except with gays would be perfect!

as for saunas... a bit nervous so i dont offend anyone but preferrably a scene where theres more 30+ average built guys... not too skinny not too fat...

help a fag out =)

[Saranghaeyo]

putanginamoh thats i know LOL in tagalog

[Maquis]

---

Edited March 5, 2016 by Maquis

[merlinkun]

Congrats for coming out of the closet! Here's your life-time membership card, a selection of classic films all homosexual boys should watch, and a mini-guidebook (comes in PDF format too!)!

Ok just kidding, just continue to be yourself! Being gay doesn't defy you, it is just a part of you. Be happy!

[MarriedTop]

Pre,kamustaka?

[Guest bitandpieces]

I am a somewhat closeted and introverted guy who just hit 21 and the only contact I have with the LGBT community as one of them is through online or grindr semi anonymously (even so, still quite discreet).

I have never had any true social interactions with a guy whom I've just met face to face with the intention of getting laid because I never gave it any shots. Out of fear and cowardice. Never went to any gay bars/clubs/saunas even though I read a lot about them on the forum.

So, deciding that today is that day I should start being brave,

(or rather yesterday night) finally after mustering enough courage, I headed down and went inside DYMK and ordered a whisky and was in there for two hours.

It is my first ever gay bar I've been to and even though it's a monday and there's very few people around, I call it progress.

Just wanna get it off my chest.

[Manbane]

gratz..21 to be out is not too late really..i am out at 25! Just remember safe sex when u start experimenting,

[Simmon]

Congratulations on your first step. So what's your next plan?

[lausanne]

Great! :clap: So anything happening there?

[gstc82]

drinking in a gay bar is not progress.

[whoiam]

Welcome. And be careful. Gay circle is like a rollercoaster. It brings you to the top with all the joy and excitement, it can also bring you below and up side down, make you feel disgusted, fear to a certain extreme. Just hold on tight. Soon you'll be back to where you started. Get off and try again when you're ready.

Tuesday blues...

Btw i came out at age 21 too ; )

[innocense]

Just like you when I was 20, one night I decided to pluck up my courage and patronise a gay bar to see how it goes.

It was crowded with a lot of ang mohs and I can hardly find a seat. Finally there was one available and I just sat down, ordered a vodka sprite and that's it.

I was still very afraid and nervous and I never make any eye-contact or chat up with anyone so nothing happened when I was there, took a cab home that night.

Totally a waste of time and my money but it is kinda of a adventure for me that day =)

[Blacque]

You should try clubbing with the gay crowd next time round. Probably at Play.

[Guest Guest]

drinking in a gay bar is not progress.

so what is? having casual sex?

[GoodBoyRan]

I think it's a great first step...not just in terms of a 'gay' step, but in terms of you becoming a person that's brave enough to go after what you want and taking action towards it.

For someone that just came out, I think mustering up the courage to do what you did is really brave; I know I certainly wasn't brave enough to go about doing something like that alone back when I first came to terms with my sexuality.

Also, thanks for sharing, I'm sure your experience speaks to many people. Good job and hope things only gets better from now!

[Guest Guest]

Make some gay friends, know what is going on, before u look for a boyfriend.

As for fun, have sex only with people who u are comfortable with. U are not obliged to have sex with anyone who is interested in you. Sad to say, some people (like old birds or those who think they are experienced) can take advantage of the 'newbies'. These people are not the ones u wanna be close to. And practise safe sex right from the start!

[cliff90]

I am a somewhat closeted and introverted guy who just hit 21 and the only contact I have with the LGBT community as one of them is through online or grindr semi anonymously (even so, still quite discreet).

I have never had any true social interactions with a guy whom I've just met face to face with the intention of getting laid because I never gave it any shots. Out of fear and cowardice. Never went to any gay bars/clubs/saunas even though I read a lot about them on the forum.

So, deciding that today is that day I should start being brave,

(or rather yesterday night) finally after mustering enough courage, I headed down and went inside DYMK and ordered a whisky and was in there for two hours.

It is my first ever gay bar I've been to and even though it's a monday and there's very few people around, I call it progress.

Just wanna get it off my chest.

Gosh you are brave for going there alone..It is like coming out to the community all by yourself..

[Simmon]

drinking in a gay bar is not progress.

Yes it is. It's a small step but it is progress. As long as he feels it's a progress, it's progress.

Keep on going ts!

[Guest shawn]

thanks for the encouragements. I might go again today, in fact i'm already in one of the cafes in the area right now reading.

[Simmon]

Word of caution though, less is more. Do it but don't keep doing it. It's good to have like a schedule. You know... Friday nights are my kick back nights so I usually hang out at Harry's with my old school mates and we have drinks and chit chat. But to go multiple times a week kinda makes me an accidental alcoholic in the making.

Otherwise, have fun tonight! =)

[Tachyons]

I remember my first time in a gay bar/club. It was a big surprise. My friend just asked me to go for drinks with his friends as a weekend hangout. I didnt know it was gay themed. It didnt strike me that the place was gay because there were girls around too. My jaw dropped when guys started making out in front of me. And thus was the beginning of entering the gay night scene.

Going DYMK alone for drinks is good for you considering the weekday crowd. Just ease into it gradually.

Edited July 31, 2012 by Tachyons

[Guest junjun93]

gay bar also have girls go too ? .. any mature man gay bar to intrd thanks i am 19 .. or 21 should go better ?.

[Simmon]

Yea, girls go there as well. Usually just friends of the gays or just wanna look-see. You should go whenever you feel ready. I don't think age is a good gauge except for the age restriction part. =P

[Blacque]

Yea, girls go there as well. Usually just friends of the gays or just wanna look-see. You should go whenever you feel ready. I don't think age is a good gauge except for the age restriction part. =P

There are lesbians who patronize gay clubs too.

[stylishvicky]

Can ask me out to drink ^^ I work around there n m also new to e scene =)

[Simmon]

There are lesbians who patronize gay clubs too.

You are right! Sorry, missed out that part. How can I forget our closely related relatives =)

[Guest Virginlove]

I m 22 n did not have any gay friends

How do u guys meet up n form clique

Thanks

[The.Intrv.]

1. Get tipsy at Neil Road on Friday & Saturday nights.
   
2. Visit the two clubs over there.
   
3. Talk to the other tipsy men
   
4. Be safe, and don't end up in a stranger's bed the next day.
   

[Guest Guest]

Want to Make More Gay Friends but :

1. Don't go Clubbing

2. Don't go Sauna

3. Don't go Pink Dot Event

Very simple. Come to BW 6th Anniversary Event

Meet New Friends...Win Prizes...Food..Fun..Prizes..

But, there is a catch. You need to sign up as member. It's only open to BW Members. It's a Private Event.

So what are you waiting for? Still need people to hold your hands to attend?

LOL, GM posting an ad in the main forum?

[gongtang]

Haha ts, u r not alone. Im almost similar to you i hav less than 10 real life gay frens, but i m happy with the way i live. Before i can do anything OPENLY, i believe i shld at least come out to my parents first. Before that, i m practically not willing to do anything openly.

[fizzy]

join events by the community organisations and groups like oogachaga, sgrainbow.

[zwei]

get a smart phone...

[merlinkun]

Accept yourself before others will accept you.

It sucks to be in a relationship with someone who is so deep in the closet. You are only hurting your boyfriend and that's selfish.

Same or friendship except not as much.

Edited October 7, 2012 by merlinkun

[ahboy1223]

Haha ts, u r not alone. Im almost similar to you i hav less than 10 real life gay frens, but i m happy with the way i live. Before i can do anything OPENLY, i believe i shld at least come out to my parents first. Before that, i m practically not willing to do anything openly.

Wow At least you knew you have less then 10 real life gay frens LoL

I dont even know any from my own clique of frens.

And i dont have any gay fren online either lolz

[robin]

1) Identify & start an interest group

2) Be proactive to organize & facilitate the activity

3) Be prepared to take the lead & make some sacrifices

4) Learn to take risk by not being afraid to talk & share about yourself to the 'new friends'so that people will feel that they 'know' you & thus, be more willing to open up

My real life example: 10 years ago, not long after I just came out to the gay circle (late bloomer), as i do not club, I also have problem looking for gay friends (not via sex). It was then that  I responded to a post in Trevvy (then was called SGBOY) to play mahjong at a stranger's place. It was from there that I got to know a few gay friends through the game. Subsequently, I also started to look for other gay people (via chat room, post etc) to join in the game. Over the years, I have got to know around 100 of them. Of course, many of them are just 'passerby'. But there are a handful (more than 20 of them) whom we have became good & close friends. We do meals regularly, share interesting life stories, do sports & even go overseas holidays together. 

Many people told me that they would not take the risk of going to another stranger place, especially to play mahjong. The point is, no risk no gain. Also, combing for people in the chatroom is also tough (most are looking for sex or even if they have expressed the interest & gave me their contact, they do not remember or respond when you SMS them the next day). 

Looking back, i never regret the risk i took. In life, if you really want something, you just got to be proactive & just go & do it.  Good luck!

[Guest GUEST]

robin u see it so easy about yr friends. when come to money than u will see wat i mean one day.

[robin]

I did not say it is easy. It was never easy. And for my case, mahjong is used as an example. When I host game at my place, besides sentivity of money of other individuals, for myself; the cost of utilities & drinks, the risk of strangers coming to my place, the messiness of the place after everyone has left...

Anyway, you can choose any interest which you like and it does not have to be mahjong. But nothing will be easy. So it boils down to how genuine or desperate you want to achieve the objective. In life, everything have challenges. If we just look at the challenges & therefore, don't want to do, we may end up not doing anything.

Edited October 10, 2012 by robin

[zwei]

U will find the true one cleaning up your place after the rest have left haha

[iamziz]

One of the important elements ignored by many of us in making a gay friend is not to have expectations. These days friendship in the gay circle doesn't follow the definition as it is defined in English but our own with so many criterias not verbally mentioned but mentally listed. That is not how one makes a friend. Be open. Be friendly. Be accepting and many others we want others to accept us as a friend. That is why getting acquainted helps us to find a friend just like dating in a relationship. It takes time to reach a level of a friend as much as a level to finally utter 'I love you' to our new partner.

Edited October 10, 2012 by iamziz

[Slimguy18]

3years in Sg alr, havent been and dunno gay clubs or bath houses... no gay friends.. how? Where to start? I want to explore my sexuality. Meet new people, have fun and possible ltr...