Ltr Reference Tips [For The Serious Ones]

[Oxsianx]

Hey guys, the purpose of starting this thread is to better understand on the things we're finding in a potential guy for possible LTR. For that I mean those LTR that you would try to sustain it till your very best. As we know, finding LTR is one of the toughest things in the circle.

Besides that, I would also like to gather tips and view points about how to find a suitable date and eventually lead to a lasting LTR, say 30-40 years down the road :clap:

I often heard of people finding LTR but many do not really know what they want. As a result, many often bumped into the 'wrong' guy aka climbed onto the wrong tree or the relationship suffers and eventually failed.

I hope to see this topic grow. And seriously hope that this open discussion can gather some great ideas and hopefully clear that aspect of confusion. This in the long run might benefit many =)

To start the ball rolling, these are my thoughts:

1) Find decent guys through the right avenues. E.g. through introduction by some like-minded friends. Many times, they know the both of you well, hence could better recommend and match-make the both of you.

2) Birds of a feather flock together. So, if you find guys in a sauna, a park or a toilet!, be expected to find mainly one-night-stand but NOT lasting LTR.

3) Avoid sending the wrong signals. E.g. showing nude photos only to attract the wrong group of guys rather than a potential guy. Show a proper face pic instead. Or do a proper self-introduction instead of merely highlighting status such as age, race, height, weight, preferred sex role (sex isn't the only thing in a relationship please).

4) While allowing yourself to go with the flow, do maintain some sort of a standard protocol. E.g. From stranger, chat to know more -> become friends, chat further -> meet for outing or a date -> continue dating and if clicked, become BF <3

This is because you might not be able to see a person clearly in a short span of time. He might be a Mr. perfect during the first few meetings only to become a completely different guy afterward. Or worst still if you don't meet up, some likes to trick people with their words. This brings me to my last point (5).

5) Talk on the phone. I have a friend who likes to start talking on the phone once he gets to know the guy better and surpasses the stranger status. He told me that through talking on the phone, you can somewhat tell the character of the person. From there, you can decide whether to continue to keep in contact and progress further or not.

Alright, that's what I have thought of in the time being. I hope to see some input and output from you guys soon.

Cheers! :thumb:

[Guest Guest]

dont force into a relationship when you know that person is not your right guy but u still hang on to it cos u r sexually attracted to him. his character may not suit u.

[Oxsianx]

dont force into a relationship when you know that person is not your right guy but u still hang on to it cos u r sexually attracted to him. his character may not suit u.

Hi guest, thanks for replying, I fully agree with you. That's what happen if one attempts to rush into any kind of relationships. Otherwise, it may become unhealthy when the only thing that attracts you is his body and nothing else.

On the other hand, character is something that is hard to change. You either like it/not or you force yourself to like it. Body wise, he may be HOT now but 30yrs later he might NOT. HAHA

Or he might be a bit meaty now, but if u exercise with him, he might become beefy =)

Choose wisely

[Mercutio]

Personally I defer to the quote from Dangerous Liaisons that "in such matters all advice is useless".

Having said, I note that gay guys tend to rush into relationships. I mean, seriously, even three months is still the honeymoon period when both sides try their darndest to show nothing but their best side, only for the illusion to shatter a year down the road.

I just broke up myself after a relationship of six years, and all I can say is that we drifted apart and had little in common in the end. These things happen and one just takes it in one's stride.

[clayton]

Hey guys, the purpose of starting this thread is to better understand on the things we're finding in a potential guy for possible LTR. For that I mean those LTR that you would try to sustain it till your very best. As we know, finding LTR is one of the toughest things in the circle.

...

Some great points raised! Not so sure about (5) because it seems these days, with web-cams and high speed broadband, why settle just for voice-only if you are serious?

With regards to sustaining a relationship, for me it is about making a conscious effort to find reasons to love the things I hate about him.

E.g.

Enduring his bad toilet habits and washing up after him

Enduring his snores and convincing myself that "it's just a lullaby".

Tidying his place, doing his laundry and maybe cooking lunch for his family on a Sunday just because "he had to go to the PC fair to scout for a good camera as its a one-in-a-lifetime deal"

Him waking me up at 1 in the morning to proofread his 10 page speech for a presentation in 5 hours time because "my number was on speed-dial" etc

[Oxsianx]

Some great points raised! Not so sure about (5) because it seems these days, with web-cams and high speed broadband, why settle just for voice-only if you are serious?

With regards to sustaining a relationship, for me it is about making a conscious effort to find reasons to love the things I hate about him.

E.g.

Enduring his bad toilet habits and washing up after him

Enduring his snores and convincing myself that "it's just a lullaby".

Tidying his place, doing his laundry and maybe cooking lunch for his family on a Sunday just because "he had to go to the PC fair to scout for a good camera as its a one-in-a-lifetime deal"

Him waking me up at 1 in the morning to proofread his 10 page speech for a presentation in 5 hours time because "my number was on speed-dial" etc

Thank u clayton for sharing.

Yup, quite true that virtual meetings can be done online via web-cam/skype. But some might like to save the best part later You first get to hear a voice that you like, then proceed to meeting him. Hehe, then get to know him better and like him further.

Emm, and also somehow cyber meetings make me think of those guys who likes to do adult-rated stuffs online. It would be a big surprise plus a turn-off if that guy turns out to be one; someone that's not so easy.

Yes yes yes! Those are great examples of sustaining the relationship. Because usually people won't get to live together when they first met. So, daily habits like snoring, digging nose, poor accuracy at peeing aka unglamorous moments are not seen by each other.

For some, you just have to adapt to it. Change some, such as sitting down to pee if there's really zero accuracy in you. Also, observe personal hygiene and do private business behind closed door.

I personally think of some ways to spice up the experience.

1) Enjoy moments together. You need not be like a sticky rice cake but rather a reliable shoulder or helping hand or listening ear or a solution maker. Contribute ideas to him while he might have projects to rush through. Stay by his side and offer some warmth and cuddle while he reads up at home. Spend a comfy weekend trying out a new piece of recipe and nibbling away the dish. It doesn't always have to be sex sex sex...

2) Occasional surprises. But I personally would prefer pleasant surprises thought. Imagine you wake up in the morning, you walked into the kitchen and saw a nicely done breakfast by him to kick start your day? Or a sudden drop-by from somewhere to go home together after work? Surprise! "Today is our 123XYZ anniversary" is too cliche but doing it once in awhile strengthen the relationship.

3) Be observant. When you interact long enough with someone, the more observant ones tend to spot certain trends e.g. the person's likes and dislikes, certain practices, favorites and alternatives he can settle with, when his favorite is not available, etc. This gives us chances to avoid unpleasant moments and make interactions more enjoyable.

4) Making changes. Some stubborn ones might think 'why should I change for somebody'? Well, if one or a few particular bad habit(s) isn't being constructive to the relationship or your personal growth, why not take up the feedback and strike them off the chart? Relationship building on the basis of improving both parties and soaring greater heights is truly a bonus besides the obvious companionship, love and care in a LTR.

Good luck everyone. Keep the ideas flowing.

[clayton]

Thank u clayton for sharing.

Yup, quite true that virtual meetings can be done online via web-cam/skype. But some might like to save the best part later You first get to hear a voice that you like, then proceed to meeting him. Hehe, then get to know him better and like him further.

Emm, and also somehow cyber meetings make me think of those guys who likes to do adult-rated stuffs online. It would be a big surprise plus a turn-off if that guy turns out to be one; someone that's not so easy.

I personally think of some ways to spice up the experience.

...

Good luck everyone. Keep the ideas flowing.

You are welcome, as you can see from my previous posting time, my ex woke me up while on business trip in Minneapolis, so a part of me was wanting to rant a bit.

I can see where you are going with the web-cam viewpoint. Can't say I disagree.

Also, that you are a hopeless romantic at heart, especially from (1) and (2). Not that I don't secretly dream about these things but I have learnt to expect less to avoid unnecessary disappointment.

Can't agree with (4) entirely because some old habits die hard and personally I don't think I want to -change- someone so they end up like me. It's not very fun to be with a mini-me.

Just a few points I would like to add.

Always find a common interest or passion to share - I think some folks mention this in previous postings, e.g. a hobby like board games.

Make sure you find time to flatter his ego. All men, including myself, like various degrees of flattery when its done right because saying "So hard and big" (hopefully, you mean it?) at an opportune time, does wonders.

Give each other space. Your worlds did not revolve around each other before you meet, why should it now?

Invent great sex. I leave this to individual imagination. Faking a prostrate orgasm keeps him interested, every now and then.

[Oxsianx]

You are welcome, as you can see from my previous posting time, my ex woke me up while on business trip in Minneapolis, so a part of me was wanting to rant a bit.

Can't agree with (4) entirely because some old habits die hard and personally I don't think I want to -change- someone so they end up like me. It's not very fun to be with a mini-me.

Just a few points I would like to add.

Always find a common interest or passion to share - I think some folks mention this in previous postings, e.g. a hobby like board games.

Make sure you find time to flatter his ego. All men, including myself, like various degrees of flattery when its done right because saying "So hard and big" (hopefully, you mean it?) at an opportune time, does wonders.

Give each other space. Your worlds did not revolve around each other before you meet, why should it now?

Invent great sex. I leave this to individual imagination. Faking a prostrate orgasm keeps him interested, every now and then.

Emm, 'change' in a sense refers to tuning his behaviour towards a much acceptable level. I would love some variations from 'him' too, would be good if it is within my range.

Yes, tickling one's ego once in awhile is nice. We all want some praises, pat on the back once in awhile. Passion act as a fuel, keeping the relationship going. Errr, faking orgasm is easy for a lady but not quite for us, as according to Kumar, our jewel is hanging outside XD

Maybe some moaning and dirty talks will help?

[deras]

This is a really sweet post,informative and insightful,totally agree with (2) and (3).(3) is the main reason why I detest body only pics with no face or even worse penis pics and I don't post them myself.For talking on the phone that's a really good tip,I remember on a british show that they mentioned,while talking through the phone,people are more likely to detect lies.Being on the phone is also a good 'get to know session' because you won't be conscious about the persons looks too much,since for a LTR personality>looks.

[Oxsianx]

This is a really sweet post,informative and insightful,totally agree with (2) and (3).(3) is the main reason why I detest body only pics with no face or even worse penis pics and I don't post them myself.For talking on the phone that's a really good tip,I remember on a british show that they mentioned,while talking through the phone,people are more likely to detect lies.Being on the phone is also a good 'get to know session' because you won't be conscious about the persons looks too much,since for a LTR personality>looks.

Thank you deras. Yup, I believe in (3) is because maybe people tend to show the things that they wish to see the most? And in turn, in order to manifest it even faster, they show theirs first. Yesterday I went to N T U C, I saw those aunties who want to sell their products, enthusiastically showing and giving out samples for shoppers to try. That is perhaps the top priority in their mind - Sales. Hence linking back to (3), yup, body pic/cock pic in a sense link back to sex. They secretly yawn out, like the aunties in N T U C, "shoppers! this is what you see and this shall be what you get (if you decides to buy my product)"! LOL!

As for the phone, what do we hear on the phone? Besides the voice, we can sense the tone, the personality through the pace of speaking and the intensity of the speech. Like what the social media do, it disseminates information at 'lighting speed' hence we can instantly form vivid images or impressions of the speaker. Research shows that it takes 3sec for people to form a first impression for something. Perhaps the point about sporting lies is due to the relatively shorter time for one to process info and react in a phone conversation. Unlike text, you are expected to hear and respond after something has been said from the other party. For the last point mentioned, yes! that's the gist of it. A face pic opens up an opportunity for you to know each other. Hopefully he already passed the stage for his looks as someone who is pleasant to your eyes. Now it is turn for his character. If he can pass through with a meaningful phone conversation then meeting should yield the same effect as the phone call. In fact after two rounds of reassurance, combining the face pic with the phone call, it is so much nicer to meet that guy in person.

For the reason of using phone, I heard of an explanation from a Taiwan political talk show host. He said he can often see who is telling the truth through bombarding them with sensitive issues during the show. Sometimes words just accidentally slip out :X

Some guys can better sell themselves under less stressful condition. If you give him a chance with a phone call, to let him sell himself to you without having to face you, it's fair for both parties. He is given his chance to speak and it gives you a gauge of how well he can be. So even if he fall short during the actual meeting, you know that this isn't his best performance In fact, it can be a cute thing to indicate human isn't perfect. He sees you and became anxious shows that he matters the meeting a lot :thumb:

[Oxsianx]

Now for ugly truth 101. This is a true story shared to me by a guy (A) about another guy (B).

They knew each other from an online forum similar to BW, B added A on MSN and asked A to jerk off thru webcam for his viewing pleasure. As for the questions B asked were generally revolving around the '180/75/24 aka status and is A handsome?, blah blah blah'. After saying A is not his type, B refused to talk to A anymore. A probably is blocked as B 'did not online' again, not anymore.

I personally bumped into such crap once. It happened on grinder. After some time with a photo, I finally took a new photo with my new spectacle. It has since collected many positive comments and feedbacks from fellow grindr friends and also strangers. Then a totally ridiculous bustard came. He texted me using his faceless profile while I was busily chatting away with grindr friends. All along, I will reply to faceless profiles and this time round there are no exceptions. He stated on his profile that he wants to find BEST FRIENDS. we chatted, he then asked me for my facebook username and also MSN. He got what he wanted and started looking at my old photos on fb which are ancient!

Then the funny part came. He told me that I'm not his type then I asked him isn't he finding best friends? Then WTH did he sounds as if he is considering a bf -.- he replied sorry and didn't reply anymore. This funny fellow left me totally puzzled. A while later he removed me from fb. I scolded him and cease him from my MSN contact list. The end.

Moral of the story: 1) dont give out really personal information or sources for strangers to obtain information about you.

2) if it helps, reiterate the purpose for the conversation whether is it really finding friends or in fact there are other hidden agendas. Man, I hate hidden agendas!

3) confirm the indentity behind hidden profiles. I once bumped into one of my poly course mate and it is so akward.

Also some piece of advice for people

1) the past does not reflects the present. Try digging out your past photos in friendster or whatever. Have a good laugh then look into the mirror and u know what I'm talking about. Also, even if u're a hunk now doesn't assure u being gorgeous forever. Don't be skin deep till that extent.

2) be frank! If you're finding potential date, don't tell people u're merely seeking friends. Also for sex seekers, save the time and trouble of getting reject. Just state that sex is in the list -.-, and let people decide. Leave those guys having different ideology from you alone.

This is a depressing post -.-

[Guest Guest]

Most important thing is to have realistic expectations. All relationships eventually lose the initial fiery passion. It's that groovy, warm we've-been-through-ups-and-downs-as-a-couple feeling that matters in the end.

Sounds cliched, but don't find the perfect guy to love. Just get someone reasonably decent and take a lifetime to learn how to love him, warts and all.

In the long run, it's the companionship we all need. Few people want to grow old alone.

And yes, look in the right place. Guys who want serious lifelong relationships don't hang around toilets, sleazy saunas or seedy bars. Try looking for a life partner in "natural" settings ... school, workplace, Church, sports group etc.

More and more people are finding it meaningless to hide their sexuality as being gay becomes a non-issue to most people nowadays. It's ok to express your "brotherly love" and see how the other party responds.

I'm in a 12-year relationship going strong. All the above were what worked for me and him.

[Paolung]

I hear the best place to find bf is through joining charity activities.

Involve in pinkdot etc. AFA.

Those are serious guys who hav past skin deep.

N dedicated part of their life to help other ppl.

[Guest Guest]

I hear the best place to find bf is through joining charity activities.

Involve in pinkdot etc. AFA.

Those are serious guys who hav past skin deep.

N dedicated part of their life to help other ppl.

Yes i fully agree.

[Oxsianx]

Thank you to the 2 guests and Paolung for replying.

Most important thing is to have realistic expectations. All relationships eventually lose the initial fiery passion. It's that groovy, warm we've-been-through-ups-and-downs-as-a-couple feeling that matters in the end.

Sounds cliched, but don't find the perfect guy to love. Just get someone reasonably decent and take a lifetime to learn how to love him, warts and all.

In the long run, it's the companionship we all need. Few people want to grow old alone.

And yes, look in the right place. Guys who want serious lifelong relationships don't hang around toilets, sleazy saunas or seedy bars. Try looking for a life partner in "natural" settings ... school, workplace, Church, sports group etc.

More and more people are finding it meaningless to hide their sexuality as being gay becomes a non-issue to most people nowadays. It's OK to express your "brotherly love" and see how the other party responds.

I'm in a 12-year relationship going strong. All the above were what worked for me and him.

Congrats to guest no. 1 :clap: I quoted and further bold/underline to bring out this nice little advices. I can't agree any further to those points especially from someone who are sustaining a long lasting relationship on both his palms, relatively at ease. It shows that those points adopted do work.:thumb:

You earned my vote for your post

Regarding to the last point (meaningless to hide their sexuality as being gay), from the SG general election 2011, we can indeed see that 'gay agenda' doesn't seem disturbing to the mass public as much as it used to be anymore :thumb:

I hear the best place to find bf is through joining charity activities.

Involve in pinkdot etc. AFA <- Oxsianx: I believe this stands for Action for AIDS Singapore.

Those are serious guys who have past skin deep.

N dedicated part of their life to help other ppl.

A couple of good points by Paolung :thumb:

Not only do decent guys don't cruise in toilets/sauna/pubs, I don't know how many of you realise that selfish/skin deep/blah blah blah people rarely or never get involved in charity/voluntary activities? They seem to be all over themselves. I saw majority of the guys seeking advices in this forum for their problematic relationship have selfish/self-centered/insensible partner.

However I would like to add on that, people who get involved in regular voluntary work doesn't necessary turn out as a truly decent being. I know of a guy like that, but do play around So still do open your eyes while choosing. But the % of decent guys will be higher

With Pinkdot 2011 around the corner, I wish to help mentioning for our dear Pinkdot for a bit :clap: *The plushy is so cute* A good attempt for realization effort. On for consecutive 3 years and growing stronger each year. This coming 18 June 2011 @ Hong Lim Park, go and support the freedom to love and... hopefully get to know some nice guys there

Yes i fully agree.

To guest no. 2, I totally agree too

[Guest Guest]

Way to go men! Come join PINK DOT and make a statement. And who knows, your right guy may be round the corner. Ooops, dots don't have corners! Anyway you know what i mean.

[Oxsianx]

Way to go men! Come join PINK DOT and make a statement. And who knows, your right guy may be round the corner. Ooops, dots don't have corners! Anyway you know what i mean.

Hi guest. I wish I could join but I would be in camp by then. Training to be solider, fight for our land~~

It would be nice for anyone who have been to the past Pink dot events to share with us how is it like!

I totally love the promotional video and crave for more. I feel that campaigning for this year isn't as strong as the last 2 years.

I saw the official pink dot administrator in BW, I hope he sees my post and share something.

:oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: <- PINK DOTS hands in hands -> :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

[rayray_85]

Personally I defer to the quote from Dangerous Liaisons that "in such matters all advice is useless".

Having said, I note that gay guys tend to rush into relationships. I mean, seriously, even three months is still the honeymoon period when both sides try their darndest to show nothing but their best side, only for the illusion to shatter a year down the road.

I just broke up myself after a relationship of six years, and all I can say is that we drifted apart and had little in common in the end. These things happen and one just takes it in one's stride.

Is it dating meaning sex as well? If u having sex v ur date, and by keep changing date, what the different that you are considering a serious relationship than just to hav sex around? U r jus trying to make urself better for being a slut.

i had just ended a six year relationship as well, n its realy hurt. Dun u think its lame excuse tat after six year only u realise that both of you din click (in my case)..... T_T

[northernboi]

Is it dating meaning sex as well? If u having sex v ur date, and by keep changing date, what the different that you are considering a serious relationship than just to hav sex around? U r jus trying to make urself better for being a slut.

i had just ended a six year relationship as well, n its realy hurt. Dun u think its lame excuse tat after six year only u realise that both of you din click (in my case)..... T_T

interesting... i ended my 8yrs r/s 2 yrs back realising he's playing ard. so yeah. i've concluded.

[Oxsianx]

Is it dating meaning sex as well? If u having sex v ur date, and by keep changing date, what the different that you are considering a serious relationship than just to hav sex around? U r jus trying to make urself better for being a slut.

i had just ended a six year relationship as well, n its realy hurt. Dun u think its lame excuse tat after six year only u realise that both of you din click (in my case)..... T_T

Personally I won't agree as well that dating = sex. Even for getting into a relationship as well. People ought to not get into a r/s for the sake of sex. Clearly it won't last long. You see, if people want sex, then they can come up with every single reason to relate it to sex. They can be saying "oh, I like your body/ I like how you look hence I want to have sex with you". In the end they want your body more than you as a whole.

I feel that your ex-bf probably couldn't come up with a satisfying answer hence he chose the easy way out by saying you guys don't click. It's so hard to believe that both parties didn't click at all for the entire 6 years. 6 x 365 = a good 2190 days!

interesting... i ended my 8yrs r/s 2 yrs back realising he's playing ard. so yeah. i've concluded.

It's devastating to hear that but a faulty relationship is hard to keep. Once a mirror is broken, the cracks will still be seen even if you were to glue the pieces back. Moral of the story: Don't try to play around. It will never do you good. Rather talk it all out with the other party or perhaps end the relationship on a better note. Of course ultimately, the issue about breaking up should never be brought to mind. Just think about how difficult it is for people to get together in this circle. That should help to keep the relationship running.

[TheVisitors]

Both my parents were career people. My father was a dentist, and my mother was a principle/teacher.

I was a neglected child and definitely not their favourite. And in additional, certain things did happened in my childhood, which led me all along, having this conviction that I don't believe in childhood.

Although how dysfunctional I turned out to be, fortunately my own maturity and awareness took years to discover this hate I have for myself, and slowly converted it into some form of self love, and embrace myself and self worth.

Remember this. It is your own self worth and your self love, will ultimately determine how you embrace yourself and how you embrace others into your life.

The keyword is compassion

Lets say that a person who comes from a normal, love fostered family. He still can be promiscuous because of his innate sexuality even thought he may be in a relationship. Although many may disagree with his act of kindness towards the one who truly loves him and waiting for him...

The former vs the latter.

The former has a choice to learn to be responsible and realize what is true to him, while the latter, whose threshold and capacity may be higher, too have a choice, either to remain in silent acceptance, or move on in search of someone he deserves better.

But somehow, somewhere along the line, there is a limit in our threshold

But, when you come from a dysfunctional family, and they have no love to give you, the human instinct, is to seek this warm from the outside.

Everyone you have slept with , everyone you have fxxked, or who had fxxked you, was a channel you were seeking this missing warm your soul badly missed.

You were actually crying for a real acceptance, a real hug, which embraces all the love that you were not given at home, as a soul fuel for you to function normally.

When I was lost those days, its really hard to tell whose giving you love, and who just wants you for sex.

Each time when a relationship failed, or they walked out of me, or they ignored me after giving them what they wanted, I blamed myself thinking because I am ugly and fat thus they don't want me around anymore.

This was my self hate which I struggled with myself for years, until I learn to let go of this destructive belief. Once awhile, this dark shadow will come lurking back to pin you down, but one must learn to be strong about it.

If I do not learn to let go of this darkness, I will eventually destroy me, and hurt people who truly cared for me.

Infact, how you were brought up, and your family's beliefs and acts will determine how you see yourself and it will affect your relationships with others when you grow.

From child's eyes and world, the parents behaviour towards each other, can affect how you treat your partner when you grow up.

Your parents are your first role model you come into contact, and whose values will affect you, because you borrowed them subconsciously.

My parents may not be the best parents for me, but between them and from them I have learned, and I can vouch, what they taught me was true love, faith and affection.

What they taught me, I journey through life with those values as I grew up.

Values vs the reality of life, and it was something that kept me going and moving on.

When you were so young, and when you watched your parents held their hands and walked affectionately, you thought love was so pure powerful and simple.

But you never did realized, although you held on those values tightly, reality is so different, and you got yourself hurt and your heart bled and jaded many times in this vicious cycle.

But we all have this empowerment in us, as to see and extract the wisdom and the lessons we can learn from each breakup.

Because no matter how good we think we are, we are also responsible, in some way or another for the ending of a relationship.

Thus every relationship is just a learning experience. Its like a school which you slowly gradually from each level, until you learn your self worth, your own convictions and what truth is all about.

And this school is your own personal journal, which you have to go through yourself, whereby no books, no laws no rules nor theories can teach you .

Even if someone lets you down, just take it that it was a show he has been putting on, which was very entertaining.

Even if someone betrayed and walks out from you and you know you have done nothing wrong, the bigger person is you , and not him. So don't feel sorry for yourself.

Even I went through 11 so called failed relationships, I have not given up hope for myself.

This is life, for life is in all of us, forever alive, forever learning, forever recreating ourselves, until we discover our own truth and self worth

Edited June 8, 2011 by TheVisitors

[Guest Zephz]

I agree with Oxsianx topic post. I think that from your points are more refering to the FIRST impression / the starting. :thumb:

I also believe that, finding the decent potential one it's always better to be

1)Finding them in reality. Through outside, activities, sports, by friends in reality and so on. From my perspective, if really get into the relationship, it sounds more right for the first meet in reality rather then by website or worst in sauna. No offence. Also, it doesnt mean virtually through website it's not possible too. More preferrence by reality.

2)Definitely not finding them by hookups like saunas ,toliet and so on.. Mostly it lead to the wrong impression from the start.

3)Simply said.. Everything start as decent by just normal meet up, decent meal, activities, outing and etc. It will be seem much meaningful if ALTHOUGHT the "dating" doesn't turn out well. Although temptation is always there..best to avoid it.

Those point i stat its similar to the points u & other bw user state too.

To sustain a good relationship is definitely much more then this. Chemistry, etc etc.

All the points here is more just for the start

=)

Edited June 10, 2011 by Zephz

[waterballoon]

I feel that a relationship isn't something you jump in because you want to. Or let me put this way, being in a relationship isn't just about you, it's also about your boyfriend and how you 2 communicate and stuff.

And that's where my point comes in: As humans, we have to be self-sufficient. I'd love to be idealistic, but we all know there's no love or relationship that is eternal, and some day we will break up or one of us will die... and if your happiness or the completion of your life is dependent on a man, then what will happen when he loves, for whatever reason? Is that going to be the end?

And I feel that, as long as we don't understand that or resolve that within ourselves, we will always end up being an emotional anchor to the other person. Remember, you want to be a boyfriend, not a burden.

So, if we don't accept ourselves, and if we're going to depend on a boyfriend/relationship for happiness and if we're going to think that every problem would be solved with a boyfriend, we will end up only harming everyone.

So before even being able to be in a relationship, I think people need to be independent and simply understand that if someday, if your boyfriend is gone, you can still live, you can still move on, for humans are forward-moving creatures after all.

But sometimes, I'd like to think that while we're on this journey to better and love ourselves, maybe a relationship is that little "cheat" we can have, allowing ourselves to be a little imperfect while we figure things out together... But such a case is getting lesser and lesser in reality...

My point is, I believe that once we are self-sufficient and are really able to love ourselves, everything else will fall into place. There's no choice in being single or falling in love, but if your fate never comes or if you're destined to NEVER have a boyfriend, then you can't expect your life to be any less perfect, right?

For example, I feel that I am still really immature, emotionally-dependent and not self-sufficient. I need time to better myself so that I can truly love someone else. But if that person comes along the way before I finish what I need to do to be a complete person, then I wouldn't stop myself or fate, and just go ahead and figure a way out.

I'm still not prepared to be in a relationship yet... and maybe that's just an excuse I'm giving to myself for being unwanted hahaha but yeah I feel that, something is still missing within me and until the day when I have bettered myself... I will be strong.

[Guest Guest]

丈夫，丈夫，一丈之内才是夫.

Rule #1: To keep one blind eye.

[Oxsianx]

Message from thread starter aka Oxsianx:

Thank you very much to everyone who have made contributions to this thread be it big or small.

As I read through the latest few replies, I feel that my effort has been paying off.

What I see is people opening up their hearts, making self-reflections and sharing one's life experiences with others.

ALL are indeed quality posts. Well done guys, I really appreciate it.

In here, you have proven that there are thinkers in this circle. Not necessary be very serious but most importantly, sincere beings. In fact, holding casual discussions here is good too. YOU also showed me that not everything has to be built upon lust or other shallow parameters.

This shall make my beliefs of "As long as you put in effort, people will reciprocate to pay off the same amount of effort, if not more. Then the outcome (replies) will gain in quality". This has really manifested! (The Secret)

As I will start serving our nation starting from tomorrow, I would like to hand the ownership over to everyone who are sincere in sharing your wisdom with us. This thread belongs to all of us, 'the serious ones'. Let the good imagine of gay community be reignited.

I planted the seed, I watered it and I've finally see it growing and are still growing well. I will try my very best to return and take a look after my 2 weeks confinement. Meanwhile, I really wish to seek everyone's help to take care of this shoot which was once a seed. As usual it is all of YOU, who are nurturing this thread.

I guess that's a quality worth to apply in sustaining a relationship as well. You guys have it, and you just need practices to make perfection :clap:

Farewell for now and I would be back to see how this shoot has been growing.

Yours truly,

Oxsianx

[Guest Happylark]

Message from thread starter aka Oxsianx:

Thank you very much to everyone who have made contributions to this thread be it big or small.

As I read through the latest few replies, I feel that my effort has been paying off.

What I see is people opening up their hearts, making self-reflections and sharing one's life experiences with others.

ALL are indeed quality posts. Well done guys, I really appreciate it.

In here, you have proven that there are thinkers in this circle. Not necessary be very serious but most importantly, sincere beings. In fact, holding casual discussions here is good too. YOU also showed me that not everything has to be built upon lust or other shallow parameters.

This shall make my beliefs of "As long as you put in effort, people will reciprocate to pay off the same amount of effort, if not more. Then the outcome (replies) will gain in quality". This has really manifested! (The Secret)

As I will start serving our nation starting from tomorrow, I would like to hand the ownership over to everyone who are sincere in sharing your wisdom with us. This thread belongs to all of us, 'the serious ones'. Let the good imagine of gay community be reignited.

I planted the seed, I watered it and I've finally see it growing and are still growing well. I will try my very best to return and take a look after my 2 weeks confinement. Meanwhile, I really wish to seek everyone's help to take care of this shoot which was once a seed. As usual it is all of YOU, who are nurturing this thread.

I guess that's a quality worth to apply in sustaining a relationship as well. You guys have it, and you just need practices to make perfection :clap:

Farewell for now and I would be back to see how this shoot has been growing.

Yours truly,

Oxsianx

aiya you'll be issued with a personal laptop in bmt isnt it? my cousin surfs facebook daily every night. makes us all wonder whether he's really in tekong doing NS or twan-ing back at home.

[Oxsianx]

aiya you'll be issued with a personal laptop in bmt isnt it? my cousin surfs facebook daily every night. makes us all wonder whether he's really in tekong doing NS or twan-ing back at home.

Emmm, perhaps BW is different from facebook or MSN XD

Anyway, noted =)

Back to topic

[Guest Black_Hat]

Just a few words for you.(before you enlist)

Don't give up. Try not to let your fears dominate your decisions.(you could end up in regret). And sometimes during the toughest moments, you will find support and encouragement from the unlikeliest of people.

Take care and farewell.

Fade away.

Edited June 8, 2011 by Black_Hat

[Guest Happylark]

hmm i can only share what works for me and my partner; wouldnt call it a reference guide since we're only tgt for 2years and coming only as opposed to others with a glamarous track record of 12years or more.

finding worth in monotony.

admit it. no matter how creative you or your partner could be, there would come a point when either of you would run out of little sweet surprises to do for each other, or it gets predictable. same goes for the topics available for interesting conversation. for instance in my case, if my partner asks me what time i'm heading to bed when i tell him that i'm up studying / doing some report in campus, i know that he'll arrive with supper though i stay in the west while he stays far off in the east. it was sweet initially, but after a while, it gets routinous and all elements of surprise fade. but he stills enjoy bringing me food while i wait for him to turn up eagerly at my hall. and he does it because he doesnt want me to get hungry and he wants to see me. i didnt push him away because i know he genuinely cares.

that apart, we go to ECP every sunday morn to jog. 2years already, excluding the time we spent doing the same thing back in army, it gets boring. sometimes he would feel lazy and try to call it off but i would insist. that it is essential to keep healthy; and it is a good way for us to date breakfast after every run. assuming we hold forth to our relationship for the next couple of years or decades, we'll still follow the same regiment because i dont want him to end up with ailments associated with obesity.

conversational wise, it's cliche but we do keep each other updated on what went happened during the week; be it work, or family etc. this gets us INVOLVED in each others' lives, even if we're not actively participating in it.

in essence, i believe it's important for a couple to find worth in repeating cycles, and not for the sake of doing it. else it'll get quite forced and burdened and wears parties out. and then the spark fizzles out and both would say sayonara to each other when they no longer feel the worth in performing those "routines".

faith and trust.

extremely impt. i have crazy friends who always think that their partners are cheating on them, or abandoned them when they do not hear from their partners for more than a day.

my partner can get quite busy, sometimes he doesnt even have time for meals; much less return my messages. and if gets calls or rounds at ICU/HDU, i can forget abt getting a word from him for 2days. but i have faith that he isnt detracting behind my back. without the faith and trust, couples will end up being suspicious of each other and sum up in endless squabbles.

and honestly, these squabbles do nothing except to spoil relationships. while the converse that "what kills it not makes it stronger" can be true where couples learn and mature from quarrels, how often do you get that? especially when things get ugly, all the past instances of squabbles would be brought into the picture again. a crack in the mirror can cause the mirror to shatter; it can just remain a crack that doesnt render the mirror useless but it can never be mended or perfect.

everything else that others have shared applies.

Edited June 8, 2011 by Happylark

[Guest Happylark]

Emmm, perhaps BW is different from facebook or MSN XD

Anyway, noted =)

Back to topic

no worries, you can still stay connected. nobody would go and see what you're surfing as they're all on the net too.

[Oxsianx]

hmm i can only share what works for me and my partner; wouldnt call it a reference guide since we're only tgt for 2years and coming only as opposed to others with a glamorous track record of 12years or more.

finding worth in monotony.

admit it. no matter how creative you or your partner could be, there would come a point when either of you would run out of little sweet surprises to do for each other, or it gets predictable. same goes for the topics available for interesting conversation. for instance in my case, if my partner asks me what time i'm heading to bed when i tell him that i'm up studying / doing some report in campus, i know that he'll arrive with supper though i stay in the west while he stays far off in the east. it was sweet initially, but after a while, it gets routinous and all elements of surprise fade. but he stills enjoy bringing me food while i wait for him to turn up eagerly at my hall. and he does it because he doesnt want me to get hungry and he wants to see me. i didnt push him away because i know he genuinely cares.

that apart, we go to ECP every sunday morn to jog. 2years already, excluding the time we spent doing the same thing back in army, it gets boring. sometimes he would feel lazy and try to call it off but i would insist. that it is essential to keep healthy; and it is a good way for us to date breakfast after every run. assuming we hold forth to our relationship for the next couple of years or decades, we'll still follow the same regiment because i dont want him to end up with ailments associated with obesity.

conversational wise, it's cliche but we do keep each other updated on what went happened during the week; be it work, or family etc. this gets us INVOLVED in each others' lives, even if we're not actively participating in it.

in essence, i believe it's important for a couple to find worth in repeating cycles, and not for the sake of doing it. else it'll get quite forced and burdened and wears parties out. and then the spark fizzles out and both would say sayonara to each other when they no longer feel the worth in performing those "routines".

everything else that others have shared applies.

Thanks for replying, I have read your love story and was a small fan of it. Haha.

Frankly speaking, I'm dreaming of having a LTR like yours.

It was a privilege to have you commenting here as you are sort of like a role model, someone who have the correct mindset to sustain a really long relationship. Moreover, you have a very sweet and nice bf =)

Blessings to the both of you :clap: :thumb:

Hmmm, recently I have begun to like a small daily routine. It can be somewhat touching when the both parties are making effort to sustain certain practices. It is as thought like a power station for you to call for time-out and fully charged up before moving ahead. You may be tried or worn out after a difficult day but having known that a particular routine that you like is coming soon, that can sure brighten up your day and let you end the day in a lighter note. Not only has it become a habit, it's also something you are looking forward to.

There is no need to show your liking through things that are tangible like gifts or money. Often, the intangible things like care and concern translated into actions and surprises are the sweetest thing on Earth. Knowing that the other party never stops trying to keep the feeling of love while you know the best of yourself that you're still loving him :thumb:

Lastly,the nice outcome of observing certain routine as surprises is nicely narrated out by happylark.

[waterballoon]

well have fun in army! who knows, u might find a magical love story in there like happylark

[Guest Happylark]

well have fun in army! who knows, u might find a magical love story in there like happylark

LOL but dont do it explicitly! if you didnt declare 302, then dont get caught for being a 302. else it's a chargeable offence. just stay positive, listen to your commanders like they're your mommies, work with your peers selflessly and you'll be fine.

just remember the golden word "TAHAN" and you'll sail through BMT.

[Guest Guest]

hmm i can only share what works for me and my partner; wouldnt call it a reference guide since we're only tgt for 2years and coming only as opposed to others with a glamarous track record of 12years or more.

finding worth in monotony.

admit it. no matter how creative you or your partner could be, there would come a point when either of you would run out of little sweet surprises to do for each other, or it gets predictable. same goes for the topics available for interesting conversation. for instance in my case, if my partner asks me what time i'm heading to bed when i tell him that i'm up studying / doing some report in campus, i know that he'll arrive with supper though i stay in the west while he stays far off in the east. it was sweet initially, but after a while, it gets routinous and all elements of surprise fade. but he stills enjoy bringing me food while i wait for him to turn up eagerly at my hall. and he does it because he doesnt want me to get hungry and he wants to see me. i didnt push him away because i know he genuinely cares.

that apart, we go to ECP every sunday morn to jog. 2years already, excluding the time we spent doing the same thing back in army, it gets boring. sometimes he would feel lazy and try to call it off but i would insist. that it is essential to keep healthy; and it is a good way for us to date breakfast after every run. assuming we hold forth to our relationship for the next couple of years or decades, we'll still follow the same regiment because i dont want him to end up with ailments associated with obesity.

conversational wise, it's cliche but we do keep each other updated on what went happened during the week; be it work, or family etc. this gets us INVOLVED in each others' lives, even if we're not actively participating in it.

in essence, i believe it's important for a couple to find worth in repeating cycles, and not for the sake of doing it. else it'll get quite forced and burdened and wears parties out. and then the spark fizzles out and both would say sayonara to each other when they no longer feel the worth in performing those "routines".

faith and trust.

extremely impt. i have crazy friends who always think that their partners are cheating on them, or abandoned them when they do not hear from their partners for more than a day.

my partner can get quite busy, sometimes he doesnt even have time for meals; much less return my messages. and if gets calls or rounds at ICU/HDU, i can forget abt getting a word from him for 2days. but i have faith that he isnt detracting behind my back. without the faith and trust, couples will end up being suspicious of each other and sum up in endless squabbles.

and honestly, these squabbles do nothing except to spoil relationships. while the converse that "what kills it not makes it stronger" can be true where couples learn and mature from quarrels, how often do you get that? especially when things get ugly, all the past instances of squabbles would be brought into the picture again. a crack in the mirror can cause the mirror to shatter; it can just remain a crack that doesnt render the mirror useless but it can never be mended or perfect.

everything else that others have shared applies.

How old are you by the way? You come across as someone anal, young, idealistic and inexperience.

2 years together is too premature to even consider its as a LTR, nor your love formula is going to guarantee you guys is going to stay forever.

From the look at this formula, its is more about you and yourself, and not about his needs if you were to analyze it carefully. It is more likely you concocted this formula, for the fear of losing this relationship.

Its coming form someone older and have more experience than you have, and I am currently attached.

Your formula is not convincing. Its like a kid telling wisdom to many who are more experienced than you think you have.

[Guest Happylark]

How old are you by the way? You come across as someone anal, young, idealistic and inexperience.

2 years together is too premature to even consider its as a LTR, nor your love formula is going to guarantee you guys is going to stay forever.

From the look at this formula, its is more about you and yourself, and not about his needs if you were to analyze it carefully. It is more likely you concocted this formula, for the fear of losing this relationship.

Its coming form someone older and have more experience than you have, and I am currently attached.

Your formula is not convincing. Its like a kid telling wisdom to many who are more experienced than you think you have.

young, hmm, undeniably.

anal, perhaps, but i dont see how i've offended or prick in this entry.

idealistic and inexperience, perhaps, hence i said i was sharing my thought; wasnt meant as a reference.

i dont suppose being older hinders you from reading carefully. of coz i gotta share it from my perspective since i can only vouch from my stand. how else would i do it? "i like this and this, and my bf adores it too. that's why we're happily tgt"?

but yea, you're right to say i dont wanna lose this r.s. anyone who wouldnt wanna lose their r.s would, in your words, "concoct" some formula to maintain their r.s. it's funny how you're trying to call mine moot. the tone suggests that i shouldnt have done a thing at all =/ you must have an easy time with your r.s then; need not do a thing eh.

and curious, does your "having more experience" equate to "tried and tested several guys"? if that's the case then your credibility wanes even further.

and let's see if you gonna get anal and tackle anal me

[Guest Guest]

young, hmm, undeniably.

anal, perhaps, but i dont see how i've offended or prick in this entry.

idealistic and inexperience, perhaps, hence i said i was sharing my thought; wasnt meant as a reference.

i dont suppose being older hinders you from reading carefully. of coz i gotta share it from my perspective since i can only vouch from my stand. how else would i do it? "i like this and this, and my bf adores it too. that's why we're happily tgt"?

but yea, you're right to say i dont wanna lose this r.s. anyone who wouldnt wanna lose their r.s would, in your words, "concoct" some formula to maintain their r.s. it's funny how you're trying to call mine moot. the tone suggests that i shouldnt have done a thing at all =/ you must have an easy time with your r.s then; need not do a thing eh.

and curious, does your "having more experience" equate to "tried and tested several guys"? if that's the case then your credibility wanes even further.

and let's see if you gonna get anal and tackle anal me

Being older than you , doesn't necessarily means I am that old. Is 32 that old?

Having more experience does not equate sleeping around, tried and tested several guys. Look how anal and presumptuous your reaction is here.

So you are condemning others who sleeps around, and you don't, just because you don't and is too happily attached living in your own world?

Nobody called you moot. You thought you were labelled as one.

You can't even vouch for your bf if he is really happy with you. Only he knows it too well. So you can go rattling how happy you guys are. We just listen one ear in one ear out

I am too sharing my thoughts, not putting you down, but you get ruffled so easily. You are really negative in handling feedback.

And you are given the responsibility of an Officer.

Now I have serious doubts how SAF selects their OCT candidates.

Now may I ask, whose reading carefully? With emotions or logic?

While behaving so anal and so self righteous and full of yourself here..... Just look at your reaction. Easily emotionally stirred. Immature responses. Emotionally unsound and insecure. Can't handle simple feedback. Assumed you were victimized by name calling labels.

You sound so needy.

You could have response otherwise, but don't blame others for forcing you to react this way.

It was a choice you adopted.

You allow others now see your own weakness.

Do some self reflect.

Period.

[Guest Happylark]

Being older than you , doesn't necessarily means I am that old. Is 32 that old?

Having more experience does not equate sleeping around, tried and tested several guys. Look how anal and presumptuous your reaction is here.

So you are condemning others who sleeps around, and you don't, just because you don't and is too happily attached living in your own world?

Nobody called you moot. You thought you were labelled as one.

You can't even vouch for your bf if he is really happy with you. Only he knows it too well. So you can go rattling how happy you guys are. We just listen one ear in one ear out

I am too sharing my thoughts, not putting you down, but you get ruffled so easily. You are really negative in handling feedback.

And you are given the responsibility of an Officer.

Now I have serious doubts how SAF selects their OCT candidates.

Now may I ask, whose reading carefully? With emotions or logic?

While behaving so anal and so self righteous and full of yourself here..... Just look at your reaction. Easily emotionally stirred. Immature responses. Emotionally unsound and insecure. Can't handle simple feedback. Assumed you were victimized by name calling labels.

You sound so needy.

You could have response otherwise, but don't blame others for forcing you to react this way.

It was a choice you adopted.

You allow others now see your own weakness.

Do some self reflect.

Period.

thank you for replying. you just proved my point. period.

[daybreak0]

Being older than you , doesn't necessarily means I am that old. Is 32 that old?

Having more experience does not equate sleeping around, tried and tested several guys. Look how anal and presumptuous your reaction is here.

So you are condemning others who sleeps around, and you don't, just because you don't and is too happily attached living in your own world?

Nobody called you moot. You thought you were labelled as one.

You can't even vouch for your bf if he is really happy with you. Only he knows it too well. So you can go rattling how happy you guys are. We just listen one ear in one ear out

I am too sharing my thoughts, not putting you down, but you get ruffled so easily. You are really negative in handling feedback.

And you are given the responsibility of an Officer.

Now I have serious doubts how SAF selects their OCT candidates.

Now may I ask, whose reading carefully? With emotions or logic?

While behaving so anal and so self righteous and full of yourself here..... Just look at your reaction. Easily emotionally stirred. Immature responses. Emotionally unsound and insecure. Can't handle simple feedback. Assumed you were victimized by name calling labels.

You sound so needy.

You could have response otherwise, but don't blame others for forcing you to react this way.

It was a choice you adopted.

You allow others now see your own weakness.

Do some self reflect.

Period.

very well said. lol

Edited June 9, 2011 by daybreak0

[Guest Reader]

Being older than you , doesn't necessarily means I am that old. Is 32 that old?

Having more experience does not equate sleeping around, tried and tested several guys. Look how anal and presumptuous your reaction is here.

So you are condemning others who sleeps around, and you don't, just because you don't and is too happily attached living in your own world?

Nobody called you moot. You thought you were labelled as one.

You can't even vouch for your bf if he is really happy with you. Only he knows it too well. So you can go rattling how happy you guys are. We just listen one ear in one ear out

I am too sharing my thoughts, not putting you down, but you get ruffled so easily. You are really negative in handling feedback.

And you are given the responsibility of an Officer.

Now I have serious doubts how SAF selects their OCT candidates.

Now may I ask, whose reading carefully? With emotions or logic?

While behaving so anal and so self righteous and full of yourself here..... Just look at your reaction. Easily emotionally stirred. Immature responses. Emotionally unsound and insecure. Can't handle simple feedback. Assumed you were victimized by name calling labels.

You sound so needy.

You could have response otherwise, but don't blame others for forcing you to react this way.

It was a choice you adopted.

You allow others now see your own weakness.

Do some self reflect.

Period.

omg. I think the one who is "Easily emotionally stirred. Immature responses. Emotionally unsound and insecure." is you.

Happy lark is just sharing his experiences and out of nowhere, you came in and offload a whole bunch of uncalled for remarks.

Hey guys, this thread is interesting, let's not get distracted by this and carry on posting.

For me, I have began to realize that it is definitely not easy to sustain a relationship that works long term. The biggest warning signal when a relationship is about to end is when one party starts to feel indifferent. E.g, you start to brush aside the needs of your partner, you dun really feel that concerned when your partner complains to you or feedback to you, you start to find reasons to spend more time alone than with him etc....

For a relationship to last, there should be some critical ingredients:

a) An element of physical attraction

b) Compatibility of characters (This is often difficult to judge until you know the other person better. It is even more difficult during the honeymoon stage when both parties compromise more and shows their best behavior. Generally, 6 months is sufficient to tire both parties and make each other show their "true" behavior)

c) Commitment of both parties to spend time together

d) Open communication

e) Shared goals (This is very important as the relationship matures. With shared goals, e.g. Travel the world together, buying a house together etc. give impetus for both parties to work on the relationship, minimizing the risk of the relationship going stagnant and stale)

[Guest LTR Police]

thank you for replying. you just proved my point. period.

Its more like someone has proven all your flaws here.

[waterballoon]

A LTR is like a dream.. a really big dream.

and big dreams take a long time to nurture... and we don't want our dreams to be smashed, right? because rushing into it, maybe we'd lose everything we have, that's why i want to take my time to nurture this big dream, and never give up on it.

[Guest LTR Police]

omg. I think the one who is "Easily emotionally stirred. Immature responses. Emotionally unsound and insecure." is you.

Happy lark is just sharing his experiences and out of nowhere, you came in and offload a whole bunch of uncalled for remarks.

Hey guys, this thread is interesting, let's not get distracted by this and carry on posting.

For me, I have began to realize that it is definitely not easy to sustain a relationship that works long term. The biggest warning signal when a relationship is about to end is when one party starts to feel indifferent. E.g, you start to brush aside the needs of your partner, you dun really feel that concerned when your partner complains to you or feedback to you, you start to find reasons to spend more time alone than with him etc....

For a relationship to last, there should be some critical ingredients:

a) An element of physical attraction

b) Compatibility of characters (This is often difficult to judge until you know the other person better. It is even more difficult during the honeymoon stage when both parties compromise more and shows their best behavior. Generally, 6 months is sufficient to tire both parties and make each other show their "true" behavior)

c) Commitment of both parties to spend time together

d) Open communication

e) Shared goals (This is very important as the relationship matures. With shared goals, e.g. Travel the world together, buying a house together etc. give impetus for both parties to work on the relationship, minimizing the risk of the relationship going stagnant and stale)

And as for you, we don't need you to sell us the most boring pointers everyone knows. If we really need it, we would rather refer the Book Of Dummies for LTR.

What are you? Some kind of boring insurance agent?

[Guest Logic]

omg. I think the one who is "Easily emotionally stirred. Immature responses. Emotionally unsound and insecure." is you.

Happy lark is just sharing his experiences and out of nowhere, you came in and offload a whole bunch of uncalled for remarks.

You don't understand. Its a feedback.

[Guest LTR Police]

Thanks for replying, I have read your love story and was a small fan of it. Haha.

Frankly speaking, I'm dreaming of having a LTR like yours.

It was a privilege to have you commenting here as you are sort of like a role model, someone who have the correct mindset to sustain a really long relationship. Moreover, you have a very sweet and nice bf =)

Blessings to the both of you :clap: :thumb:

Hmmm, recently I have begun to like a small daily routine. It can be somewhat touching when the both parties are making effort to sustain certain practices. It is as thought like a power station for you to call for time-out and fully charged up before moving ahead. You may be tried or worn out after a difficult day but having known that a particular routine that you like is coming soon, that can sure brighten up your day and let you end the day in a lighter note. Not only has it become a habit, it's also something you are looking forward to.

There is no need to show your liking through things that are tangible like gifts or money. Often, the intangible things like care and concern translated into actions and surprises are the sweetest thing on Earth. Knowing that the other party never stops trying to keep the feeling of love while you know the best of yourself that you're still loving him :thumb:

Lastly,the nice outcome of observing certain routine as surprises is nicely narrated out by happylark.

Thanks for creating this thread.

At least we go to see some garbage people like HappyLark, whom you thought was a Role Model.

Your Role Model turns out to be so dysfunctional, immature, petty and childish!!!

This is so entertaining !

Don't believe? You go into his profile and check out his unhappy comment about a PM he received from the Mods that he could be banned, accumulating -7 points in a single day !

Thats more Grammies any Mega Stars could have got in a single night !

In addition, you could see how petty and revengeful some kid like him can be that he wants to return as a guest and post spasms here.

And you really wonder, how could anyone be convinced he is so loving, but can be so petty and revengeful at the same time !

Interesting right?

His soldiers shouldn't even call him Sir.

Just call him/her Mdm because he looks better wearing a skirt !!!

[Guest KaypohOnly]

wah i tht really can see some guide. but then the scolding even more interesting.

How old are you by the way? You come across as someone anal, young, idealistic and inexperience.

2 years together is too premature to even consider its as a LTR, nor your love formula is going to guarantee you guys is going to stay forever.

From the look at this formula, its is more about you and yourself, and not about his needs if you were to analyze it carefully. It is more likely you concocted this formula, for the fear of losing this relationship.

Its coming form someone older and have more experience than you have, and I am currently attached.

Your formula is not convincing. Its like a kid telling wisdom to many who are more experienced than you think you have.

aiya true la. but he sharing only mah. the thread creator open this thread ask ppl share. but u like telling him to shuddap and dun share just coz he only tgt with bf. if u think he is talking cock then u share urs la since u so more experience.

Being older than you , doesn't necessarily means I am that old. Is 32 that old?

Having more experience does not equate sleeping around, tried and tested several guys. Look how anal and presumptuous your reaction is here.

So you are condemning others who sleeps around, and you don't, just because you don't and is too happily attached living in your own world?

Nobody called you moot. You thought you were labelled as one.

You can't even vouch for your bf if he is really happy with you. Only he knows it too well. So you can go rattling how happy you guys are. We just listen one ear in one ear out

I am too sharing my thoughts, not putting you down, but you get ruffled so easily. You are really negative in handling feedback.

And you are given the responsibility of an Officer.

Now I have serious doubts how SAF selects their OCT candidates.

Now may I ask, whose reading carefully? With emotions or logic?

While behaving so anal and so self righteous and full of yourself here..... Just look at your reaction. Easily emotionally stirred. Immature responses. Emotionally unsound and insecure. Can't handle simple feedback. Assumed you were victimized by name calling labels.

You sound so needy.

You could have response otherwise, but don't blame others for forcing you to react this way.

It was a choice you adopted.

You allow others now see your own weakness.

Do some self reflect.

Period.

wah you really name calling alot. i read his answers, he also never call you names. i think you also quite judgmental leh guest. got what to do with his army. your response also very emotionally stirred siah. i think you are the immature one leh. you ask ppl do reflection i think u also need to. he share in thread, u come here say he talk cock, then say he needy and lying and tell him go wake up. think u also need to handle feedback carefully.

Thanks for creating this thread.

At least we go to see some garbage people like HappyLark, whom you thought was a Role Model.

Your Role Model turns out to be so dysfunctional, immature, petty and childish!!!

This is so entertaining !

Don't believe? You go into his profile and check out his unhappy comment about a PM he received from the Mods that he could be banned, accumulating -7 points in a single day !

Thats more Grammies any Mega Stars could have got in a single night !

In addition, you could see how petty and revengeful some kid like him can be that he wants to return as a guest and post spasms here.

And you really wonder, how could anyone be convinced he is so loving, but can be so petty and revengeful at the same time !

Interesting right?

His soldiers shouldn't even call him Sir.

Just call him/her Mdm because he looks better wearing a skirt !!!

how come this guest also say same thing as the other guest. say his army one. same person is it? can mod track ip and tell us or not ah? it will be quite funny. the way they type also the same one. if u say period liao then post as another guest, u really damn xiasuay. u talking abt woman period is it. and u keesiao scold the other person who sharing his thoughts for what. this is what the thread is for what. u think ppl share rubbish then u dun come read la?

young, hmm, undeniably.

anal, perhaps, but i dont see how i've offended or prick in this entry.

idealistic and inexperience, perhaps, hence i said i was sharing my thought; wasnt meant as a reference.

i dont suppose being older hinders you from reading carefully. of coz i gotta share it from my perspective since i can only vouch from my stand. how else would i do it? "i like this and this, and my bf adores it too. that's why we're happily tgt"?

but yea, you're right to say i dont wanna lose this r.s. anyone who wouldnt wanna lose their r.s would, in your words, "concoct" some formula to maintain their r.s. it's funny how you're trying to call mine moot. the tone suggests that i shouldnt have done a thing at all =/ you must have an easy time with your r.s then; need not do a thing eh.

and curious, does your "having more experience" equate to "tried and tested several guys"? if that's the case then your credibility wanes even further.

and let's see if you gonna get anal and tackle anal me

Happylark boy ah u also quite jibai in ur replies. dun need so sarcastic mah. if u never talk cock then ignore him lor. but i think u also quite attitude. u can have ur own values la but u cannot say others got wrong values mah. if u really quit then go spend more time with ur bf la. if 10yrs later still tgt then u come back here to show those jibai faces lor.

And mod, if u want track my ip also can. in case some LTR POlice or another guests say i am actually happylark pretend one.

[Oxsianx]

Hey guys, I'm back again. Finally the 2 weeks confinement is over. Of course I won't be so silly as to out myself with 302. It may seem like an easy way out to hope for a down PES using 302, but it isn't worth it in my opinion.

Serving our nation is part of every Singaporean sons. From my 2 weeks experience, I see lots of foreigners entering our army. I personally don't really like that sight but what to do? "Lan lan suck thumb" and accept it - according to their lingo in Resort World T*Kong.

But doesn't this applies to LTR as well? Sometimes you may not like certain things but you have to learn to accept it or to do it anyway. From my trip there, I have slowly learn how to discipline myself and to push myself to my limit or surpass it. I believe LTR also needs lots of determination and discipline to sustain it in the long run.

However I felt quite disappointed to see the thread turning into some panel for flaming and hatred ever since I left. Tips can only exist if people are willing to accept the short-coming of others. Learn to embrace different ideology then only can we see different ideas flowing here, instead of indulging in defensive moves and criticizing.

Hope to see things change, seriously.