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Atrapada

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Just when I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, the light was only just a firefly.

After entertaining my hands for a while, it flew off, and left me in the darkness again.

How to seek revenge 101: Know him. Befriend him. Make him trust you wholeheartedly. Destroy him. Utterly.

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If I removed the only common thing between us - being gay that is, just how many people whom I have talked to on here can actually truly become friends who can talk anything under the sun?

#justpondering

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all"

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so this is the thing about being overweight.

you just exist in this society, and be outcasted for whatever superficial reasons that exist out there... people always assume you're either really lazy or an extreme glutton or a gross combination of both... even when you might actually not be any of those.

you put yourself down every day, telling yourself you can't compare to the hotter people... that you wouldn't ever be able to shine in this world.

but you pull yourself together and you tell yourself that if you want a change, you make a change.

so you go on a journey of self-love and self-discovery... to be healthier, fitter... not because you desperately need people to want you, but because you just need to prove to yourself that you are more than what others think of you - unattractive, lazy, unhealthy etc etc etc

but here's the saddest thing: people don't lose weight magically, and the changes aren't always so obvious. like myself for example: 20kg loss so far in my BMT and I still look as fat as ever.

the problem? at the end of the day, no one is gonna care about your pathetic story of how much sweat and effort you've put in to slim down. if you still look fat, then you are fat. no one's gonna stop by and think that this guy has put in so much effort that maybe he deserves a chance, that maybe if I wait a while longer, this fat dude might just be someone totally different.

no one cares about thoughts like that. they only care about what they see.

and that's really sad. because no matter how you feel happy to yourself for your achievement... at the end of this long road, you're still back to square one. and the only way to breakaway from this vicious cycle, is to wait more, put in more effort, and hope for the best.

but we're just humans in the end. how many people are that extraordinary to have so much strength and motivation to pull themselves forward? how many people can do that alone without the support of something as abstract as "LOVE", but depending on themselves? maybe many people like this exist, but there're just days when I feel like I can't do this anymore.

i don't have much patience (i'm an Aries), so i end up pushing myself over the limit often. really, does anyone care here that I hyperventilated thrice while running over the past few months, or that every joint in my body is in pain now because of how much I want to be healthier? no. they only look at your photo and your stats... because mmm that's how the truth is like.

so at the end, can i become a bitter person because of this? it seems really sad if i allow myself to be another person because of how others react around me, no?

but again, it's really pathetic if i need to use pity as an excuse for people to accept me; for people to love me.

so many conflicting thoughts in my mind...

but like what my friend said, I've been obese for 14 years, i will never be able to lose all that within just 6 months. probably 5-7 years. then i guess it matches my daily "before-I-sleep-thoughts" that I will be in my first relationship around 28. lol.

oh 21/12/12 just come already so we can all escape from this place.

anigif_enhanced-5397-1408658439-1.gif

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Guest stbrianud

Tell me, what you thinking about when you got me waiting patiently. And usually, I don't have to wait for nobody. But there's something about you that really got me feeling weak and I'm trying to find the words to speak.

Boy, I got my eyes on you. So tell me what you wanna do. I can picture you in my room until the morning.

I don't even know your name. Boy, I need to know your name. I'm hoping that you feel the same. Tell me if you want it.

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so this is the thing about being overweight.

you just exist in this society, and be outcasted for whatever superficial reasons that exist out there... people always assume you're either really lazy or an extreme glutton or a gross combination of both... even when you might actually not be any of those.

you put yourself down every day, telling yourself you can't compare to the hotter people... that you wouldn't ever be able to shine in this world.

but you pull yourself together and you tell yourself that if you want a change, you make a change.

so you go on a journey of self-love and self-discovery... to be healthier, fitter... not because you desperately need people to want you, but because you just need to prove to yourself that you are more than what others think of you - unattractive, lazy, unhealthy etc etc etc

but here's the saddest thing: people don't lose weight magically, and the changes aren't always so obvious. like myself for example: 20kg loss so far in my BMT and I still look as fat as ever.

the problem? at the end of the day, no one is gonna care about your pathetic story of how much sweat and effort you've put in to slim down. if you still look fat, then you are fat. no one's gonna stop by and think that this guy has put in so much effort that maybe he deserves a chance, that maybe if I wait a while longer, this fat dude might just be someone totally different.

no one cares about thoughts like that. they only care about what they see.

and that's really sad. because no matter how you feel happy to yourself for your achievement... at the end of this long road, you're still back to square one. and the only way to breakaway from this vicious cycle, is to wait more, put in more effort, and hope for the best.

but we're just humans in the end. how many people are that extraordinary to have so much strength and motivation to pull themselves forward? how many people can do that alone without the support of something as abstract as "LOVE", but depending on themselves? maybe many people like this exist, but there're just days when I feel like I can't do this anymore.

i don't have much patience (i'm an Aries), so i end up pushing myself over the limit often. really, does anyone care here that I hyperventilated thrice while running over the past few months, or that every joint in my body is in pain now because of how much I want to be healthier? no. they only look at your photo and your stats... because mmm that's how the truth is like.

so at the end, can i become a bitter person because of this? it seems really sad if i allow myself to be another person because of how others react around me, no?

but again, it's really pathetic if i need to use pity as an excuse for people to accept me; for people to love me.

so many conflicting thoughts in my mind...

but like what my friend said, I've been obese for 14 years, i will never be able to lose all that within just 6 months. probably 5-7 years. then i guess it matches my daily "before-I-sleep-thoughts" that I will be in my first relationship around 28. lol.

oh 21/12/12 just come already so we can all escape from this place.

tumblr_mdi08zUBW21rrs512o1_400.gif

https://merlinsfolio.wordpress.com/

https://medium.com/@merlincheng
"On the Internet, no one knows you are a cat."

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What happened to that boy who believed in love, who cringed at the thought of random sex and ONS, who firmly believed nothing mattered more in his gay life than finding a boyfriend?

Who is this guy now who could mercilessly fxxk someone and just leave after that without feeling anything, who doesn't really care if no one loves him, who doesn't know what's going to happen in the future?

What happened to... me?

"Have you lost something?

Is it what you have left behind?

Are you regretting and thinking,

"I wish I could go back and take it back again."?"

Love song - ayumi hamasaki

"I used to think the saddest thing is to lose someone you love, but I was wrong.

The saddest thing is losing yourself."

Elena Gilbert - The Vampire Diaries

anigif_enhanced-5397-1408658439-1.gif

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