How To Look For A Soul Mate / Boyfriend? (Compiled)

[Guest youngboyy]

lately, i've been searching on the net and discovered some intimate photo of some gay couple and after looking at it, i was envious and hope to be like them....hope to be caress by someone and being showered with love ....

especially when i'm bind with stress, i hope i have someone to talk to and someone that can touch my head and say ''good boy, is alright''

however, i could not even accept myself. around me, i'm being put into a environment where many people could not accept gays. gays somewhat disgust them whenever i brought up homo issues to them. for my family, we don't talk about anything ''deep'' as in , we dun talk things like feelings or emotions and this is exactly how superficial we are, hence, it definitely gonna be a crazy task to say '' hey mom i'm gay! accept me! ''.

all because of these, i could hardly accept myself even detest myself sometimes.

everyday, i need to act to be straight and convince people that i'm not gay. but, when i'm alone in my room, i really hope someone could hug me....

this is the deepest emotion that i had not brought up to anyone...so thanks trevvy for giving me a platform and allowed me to be heard by people

[Guest Ironrod]

lately, i've been searching on the net and discovered some intimate photo of some gay couple and after looking at it, i was envious and hope to be like them....hope to be caress by someone and being showered with love ....

especially when i'm bind with stress, i hope i have someone to talk to and someone that can touch my head and say ''good boy, is alright''

however, i could not even accept myself. around me, i'm being put into a environment where many people could not accept gays. gays somewhat disgust them whenever i brought up homo issues to them. for my family, we don't talk about anything ''deep'' as in , we dun talk things like feelings or emotions and this is exactly how superficial we are, hence, it definitely gonna be a crazy task to say '' hey mom i'm gay! accept me! ''.

all because of these, i could hardly accept myself even detest myself sometimes.

everyday, i need to act to be straight and convince people that i'm not gay. but, when i'm alone in my room, i really hope someone could hug me....

this is the deepest emotion that i had not brought up to anyone...so thanks trevvy for giving me a platform and allowed me to be heard by people

Ermm it is part of growing up......I always advise young people with too much excess energy to focus in sports they like.

This will deter you from "thinking too much".

If you really need to talk to somebody about your sexuality you can google "Oogachaga" etc there are organization which helps young ppl like you.

NEVER ALLOW YOURSELF to use sex as a substitute of love because sex has nothing to do with love

Don't know your age so I just treat u like a kid lol

Take care dude ~ just be yourself and be happy.

[Guest Derrick Lee]

I faced your situation many years back but I'm doing well now. Initially, I find it hard to open up to people.. but I started with my close friends then more friends... poly friends.. secondary school friends.. ns buddies.. family except my father and even my current working colleagues. Of course, there is no need for you to announce to everyone that you are gay. How mine happened is when they asked me 'Do you have girlfriend now?' or 'Huh.. you this kind of person still don't have girlfriend meh??!' such similar questions then I will start telling. They don't give a damn you are gay or not, don't expect you will be the center of attraction after you disclosed it. Most of the time, it's about your personality traits and ethnics that makes people to judge you or to see you differently.

I spoke to my mother about it one day and cause her to feel so sad. Constantly asking me not to bring up this issue again and believe me that I'm going to marry a woman and setup a family next time. I didn't tell my father at that time because he recovering from his heart surgery. But once I found my love one, I'm gonna show them.. and it will definitely convince them haha.

If somebody really left you after he knows you are gay, what's the point of having him in your life? And you know you are feeling shitty now, so reject it.. be courageous.. accept your sexual orientation and embrace the 'whatever' way you are Maybe in Singapore you can't be fully liberal with your choice of like getting married with a guy, but at least you should feel free I'm 23 now and I'm never got attached. As much as I wannna to have a boyfriend, I try to be clear of what I'm doing and avoid making mistakes and getting fast into relationship because of loneliness - which is so hard for me to tackle at this point of time haha.. but I'm trying to distract myself with other more important stuffs.

You have to learn to accept yourself and to acknowledge your wackiest, sickest and deepest thoughts then you will feel so fucccking free and much happier

Edited August 10, 2010 by Derrick Lee

[fab]

Hi there.

Hope u r feeling fine.

I assume u r still a student at the moment. Honestly I dont see a need for u to be out to anyone, especially your family. By saying this, I dont mean that u need to deny yourself of your identity. By all means, get to know friends and start dating like what your peers are doing. One word of cautious, dont ever indulge in promiscious sex, especially unprotected ones.

One fine day, when u r financially self supporting and you have met the right person which u think u can be with, perhaps thats when u should consider coming out to your family. Else, life still goes on.

lately, i've been searching on the net and discovered some intimate photo of some gay couple and after looking at it, i was envious and hope to be like them....hope to be caress by someone and being showered with love ....

especially when i'm bind with stress, i hope i have someone to talk to and someone that can touch my head and say ''good boy, is alright''

however, i could not even accept myself. around me, i'm being put into a environment where many people could not accept gays. gays somewhat disgust them whenever i brought up homo issues to them. for my family, we don't talk about anything ''deep'' as in , we dun talk things like feelings or emotions and this is exactly how superficial we are, hence, it definitely gonna be a crazy task to say '' hey mom i'm gay! accept me! ''.

all because of these, i could hardly accept myself even detest myself sometimes.

everyday, i need to act to be straight and convince people that i'm not gay. but, when i'm alone in my room, i really hope someone could hug me....

this is the deepest emotion that i had not brought up to anyone...so thanks trevvy for giving me a platform and allowed me to be heard by people

[SKMan]

everyone has this phase in life ... esp the coming out to family.

just face it

BTW, u thanked trevvy when this is BW....

[fab]

copy and paste?

[loveseeker]

Those whom are in a gay relationship. My advice is not to think too much about the future and the social discrimination.

My bf used to think this and that, fear this and that. I always tell him not to think too much and just treasure every moment we have right now.

Things will work out fine. We'll have our future if our love is true and can with-stand through time.

My bf and I have been caught several times having intimacy acts like kissing, hugging and holding hand in public, but so far people just bochap and none has shouted at us. I think many people are getting more open minded nowaday and beginning to accept the existing of gay community amongst them.

[mcbealz]

Wuz wondering - to the singles out there.... do you find it hard to meet your soulmate? Anyone got any advice to share? Based on your experience? Where to meet good, decent, like minded guys?

[Blissfull]

It's goddamn difficult.

The only thing is that to keep knowing more people, so you can slowly pick out who are the ones you really want to be with.

[mcbealz]

Good idea.... but where to "know more people"...?

Clubs? Gym? Sauna? Online?

All the above seems to only attract the same ole thing..... am sure those who's been through it know what I'm talking about :whistle:

Edited October 8, 2011 by mcbealz

[TannedKE]

initiative lor hahaha PM people on forums... add on msn hahaha chat chat get number, ask to have dinner together and stuff like that

[janth]

If you're looking for a boyfriend, it's pretty easy. A soulmate, however, is very hard to find. In my opinion, gay-oriented forums are not exactly the best place to find a soulmate, but there's still a slight chance...

Best advice I can give you is just to enjoy being single and don't take singlehood for granted.

[Guest nudist]

I met my bf in a sauna and we've been together 9 years now... so you shouldn't rule out these places!

[Guest Marad44]

Greetings mcbealz!

Polish up your profile. Let it tell 1) who you are, 3) what you expect in the relationship & 3) what you offer. To filter out the ones you are not interested in, be specific with preference of age, race, education, religion, income etc. Fine-tune the profile if response is poor. It is like a job resume; the clearer it is, the greater your chance of landing the right job.

Post your profile in multiple sites. http://www.okcupid.com/ is a free match-making site. The more questions you answer, the more accurate the matches. Do 150-200 questions.Read the instructions before you start.

Drop a note to the ones with high match % and low enemy %.

Develop a flair for writing e-mail. Greet the guy by his name and sign off with yours. Be swift to reply when he writes. What you did on the weekend or plan or plan to do may seem mundane to you but not to him, so write about it.

Migrate to a good chat platform like Yahoo Messenger where you can make yourself visible only to him, so that you face no distractions from other chatters on your list.

Send him a card from a site like http://www.plaxo.com on his birthday or whenever you like. There are cards for all occasions. You could insert his or your photo in the card ~ it will make him feel special.

Best wishes,

Marad

Edited October 8, 2011 by Marad44

[suckling_pig]

Wuz wondering - to the singles out there.... do you find it hard to meet your soulmate? Anyone got any advice to share? Based on your experience? Where to meet good, decent, like minded guys?

I ask this to be helpful for you to be clear in your intentions. " does your soul mate have to be male? If your answer is yes, then are you combining a desire for a sexual partner and a desire for a soul connection? "

[ChangiV]

Haha what a question! It is like asking how to make the rain stop?

There is no wrong or right answer. If all of us knew, we wouldn't be single and lonely

[Foreign Talent]

Do you believe in fate? 缘分?

You can register with every dating site in the world, but if it's not fated ... ??

[BP-stock]

yea. chance plays a part. there are some who are on every website/dating profile for years and they can't find; whilst i know of cases whereby they just 'came out' at the age of 25-30 and they 'score' on the first hit.

[mcbealz]

initiative lor hahaha PM people on forums... add on msn hahaha chat chat get number, ask to have dinner together and stuff like that

It's goddamn difficult. The only thing is that to keep knowing more people, so you can slowly pick out who are the ones you really want to be with.

Yep, it's sorta like a numbers game rites?

For every 100 calls you make, 10 would be interested to see you. For every 10 you meet, you may be able to seal a deal....

[mcbealz]

If you're looking for a boyfriend, it's pretty easy. A soulmate, however, is very hard to find. In my opinion, gay-oriented forums are not exactly the best place to find a soulmate, but there's still a slight chance... Best advice I can give you is just to enjoy being single and don't take singlehood for granted.

hmm... then in your own words, what's the difference between a boyfriend and a soulmate?

I see in the scene - many have boyfriends, but they could either be:

a) Just by name

b) Just for action

c) Potentially soulmate?

[mcbealz]

I ask this to be helpful for you to be clear in your intentions. " does your soul mate have to be male? If your answer is yes, then are you combining a desire for a sexual partner and a desire for a soul connection? "

Hey there... I don't really get what you mean. Anyways, to clarify, yes. Soulmate - boy friend - sexual partner... all in one :thumb:

I know it's difficult - but.... am sure there are things that can be worked out to make it less difficult....

[mcbealz]

Haha what a question! It is like asking how to make the rain stop? There is no wrong or right answer. If all of us knew, we wouldn't be single and lonely

Gosh... I hope that won't be the case! Our happiness shouldn't be affected by what's presented to us. I'm not asking for the "rain to stop" - but rather, "if it's raining, where else can we go, or what else can we do".

I know there's no right or wrong answer - that's why we're just sharing experiences and offering advice.

In the end, we can learn from each other and hopefully don't end up being single and lonely... Just looking at the bright side

[janth]

hmm... then in your own words, what's the difference between a boyfriend and a soulmate? I see in the scene - many have boyfriends, but they could either be: a) Just by name b) Just for action c) Potentially soulmate?

A boyfriend is mostly in name. You may feel a connection, but not a connection strong enough to be considered a soulmate. A boyfriend fulfills both physical and emotional needs, and the love may fade after a while. After breaking up, boyfriends may lead lives totally separate and exclusive from each other. In simple words, a boyfriend is more disposable.

Soulmates are people who can connect so well that even after breaking up, they stay close together because they can't seem to envision a life without one another, even as friends. You do not have to be attached in a relationship to a soulmate and there's no pressure between soulmates for physical gratification. In simple words, a soulmate is permanent.

[mcbealz]

Do you believe in fate? 缘分? You can register with every dating site in the world, but if it's not fated ... ??

yea. chance plays a part. there are some who are on every website/dating profile for years and they can't find; whilst i know of cases whereby they just 'came out' at the age of 25-30 and they 'score' on the first hit.

Yup. I know... fate, chance... we can call it anything. But things won't just fall into our hands if we do nothing and sleep at home

Initiative is one thing, but we also gotta work smart and channel the right energy in the right places.

[mcbealz]

Greetings mcbealz! Polish up your profile. Let it tell 1) who you are, 3) what you expect in the relationship & 3) what you offer. To filter out the ones you are not interested in, be specific with preference of age, race, education, religion, income etc. Fine-tune the profile if response is poor. It is like a job resume; the clearer it is, the greater your chance of landing the right job. Post your profile in multiple sites. http://www.okcupid.com/ is a free match-making site. The more questions you answer, the more accurate the matches. Do 150-200 questions.Read the instructions before you start. Drop a note to the ones with high match % and low enemy %.

Done :clap:

[BP-stock]

Done :clap:

haha. ad i actually saw u on okcupid

[TheVisitors]

A soulmate is one, regardless of sex, age, gender, race or religion, is someone who speaks truth to you.

Yet truth can be in a straightforward truth, or veiled by many lies, and can be very painful, but it is how you use your inner wisdom to decipher, and understand this truth, beyond all forms of things

That truth is an impact to your life, that awakes you up, to the illusions of life around you, that makes you grow up, to be more responsible, more self compassionate, and more self loving.

A soulmate, can come to you out of the blues, in the least unexpected situation or event.

They can last in a short fleeing moment, or a life time friend or partner, who runs a parallel course in your life, even two of you are miles apart.

This is called a deep connection.

Thus your soulmate may not necessary be your lifetime partner whom you are attached or married to.

Physically you may be together, but emotionally and spiritual, you are not.

A soulmate represents your truth.

However, if you are not truthful or have betrayed yourself, you will never get to experience the pure joy of a soulmate, not even a simple loving unconditional friendship.

[Guest MM]

A soulmate is one, regardless of sex, age, gender, race or religion, is someone who speaks truth to you.

Nothing precludes a soulmate from being married.

[mcbealz]

A boyfriend is mostly in name. You may feel a connection, but not a connection strong enough to be considered a soulmate. A boyfriend fulfills both physical and emotional needs, and the love may fade after a while. After breaking up, boyfriends may lead lives totally separate and exclusive from each other. In simple words, a boyfriend is more disposable. Soulmates are people who can connect so well that even after breaking up, they stay close together because they can't seem to envision a life without one another, even as friends. You do not have to be attached in a relationship to a soulmate and there's no pressure between soulmates for physical gratification. In simple words, a soulmate is permanent.

Yup. I totally agree... and that's where a lot of people just take this for granted. Maybe in this world of fast paced technology and non-stop growth, people seem to have forgotten to stop, take a break and smell the flower... (or something of that sort). everyone's so engrossed in trying to be better, faster, richer.. etc

And that's why, so many people just don't invest enough time to search for the right guy.... and the right guy could possibly be waiting out there.... we just have to find him....

[mcbealz]

Mostly of the guy here are looking for FUN so it'll be hard for those people who are finding their partner or Soulmate like me. haha!

Yep. That's why.... I was just hoping to find some answers in this forum.

I know a lot of people just had enuf, or have given up hope... but I think it's a waste to not try to put more effort into important things like our life partner. These are long term investments, and possibly reaping a lifetime of returns out of it...!

OK - I may be swaying... but I think registring for the okcupit is a start... hehe....

[mcbealz]

A soulmate is one, regardless of sex, age, gender, race or religion, is someone who speaks truth to you. Yet truth can be in a straightforward truth, or veiled by many lies, and can be very painful, but it is how you use your inner wisdom to decipher, and understand this truth, beyond all forms of things That truth is an impact to your life, that awakes you up, to the illusions of life around you, that makes you grow up, to be more responsible, more self compassionate, and more self loving. A soulmate, can come to you out of the blues, in the least unexpected situation or event. They can last in a short fleeing moment, or a life time friend or partner, who runs a parallel course in your life, even two of you are miles apart. This is called a deep connection. Thus your soulmate may not necessary be your lifetime partner whom you are attached or married to. Physically you may be together, but emotionally and spiritual, you are not. A soulmate represents your truth. However, if you are not truthful or have betrayed yourself, you will never get to experience the pure joy of a soulmate, not even a simple loving unconditional friendship.

Well said

[mcbealz]

Nothing precludes a soulmate from being married.

Yup - I think having a soulmate as your boyfriend / life partner.... that's the epitome of a perfect couple

OK, hopefully I dun sound too "fairytale-y"

[boybelow]

If I know the answer, I would have found him. I believe though that your soulmate per se is not necessarily your love interest. He/She could be your friend, cousin, dad, etc.

[Guest shenderz]

Nothing precludes a soulmate from being married.

MM you are so funny

[TheVisitors]

Nothing precludes a soulmate from being married.

For your case your soul mate which is your wife, must be one hell of a blind soulmate.

Can't even tell her husband is gay and likes to suck dick, and then marry him !

If there are three blind mouse, there must be a blind stupid woman who doesn't know she's married to a gay !

[Guest sad]

Soulmates..., I do yearn for that. Somehow I feel that because we are in a society not very accepting of LGBTs, it's makes us harder to be more open in seeking affections of a more open kind. No way are you going to find that in saunas. Or maybe even clubs like Play & Taboo. Not sure about the pubs though. It's nice when a stranger comes up and tries to strike a conversation with you , and you can feel the instant connection and attraction.

I love the idea of making love with a soulmate in the sheets of a warm and inviting bed, while outside the rain pours incessantly. After that we would just cuddle intensely and he would kiss and stroke my face, like it's just only the 2 of us left in this world.

Soulmates...

[mcbealz]

Hey "sad".... it seems you have a pretty clear idea of what's a soulmate.... but why are you so sad? Is it because you know you'll never find him? Come on... don't give up. Life's too short to give up just like that... am sure there's someone out there.. who's also thinking about the same thing... and maybe one day you will find him, and he will find you

[mcbealz]

For your case your soul mate which is your wife, must be one hell of a blind soulmate. Can't even tell her husband is gay and likes to suck dick, and then marry him ! If there are three blind mouse, there must be a blind stupid woman who doesn't know she's married to a gay !

Hmm... maybe MM's in a country where same sex marriage is legal?

[mcbealz]

haha. ad i actually saw u on okcupid

Ar... so what's your nickname? Let me look for you :thumb:

[Allegro]

[Guest Guest]

i know tis sounds strange to u all, but i have a straight fren, actually my best buddy for almost 14 years now, still going strong, we had our quarrels and we actually broke off like 4 times (the longest that i did not meet him is 2 years), but we will always come back and reconcile, he decided not to marry coz he just can't love older women, he only likes girls, dun ask me where he go for sex lol, he knows i m gay so i won't marry and he already told me just 2 days ago that we will be together till we die, and tat he ask me to move in with him when his parents and mine are gone, weird huh, but true, and i love him not in a gay way but more as brothers, figure tis one out, and i m not lying so 2 guys who r soulmates may not be in gay relationship after all, just look around u, there are many single old guys staying together not becoz they r gay. And to my best buddy, i will not quarrel with u anymore, i promise if i can live long, i will b with u. He may not read this coz it is in gay forum, but just like to share with u guys.

[mcbealz]

hmm... I dun think it sounds strange at all... alhto, there are many "out of the ordinary" encounters / combinations / experience people may have.... my question to you is - if you love this buddy.... do you sometimes hug? Or maybe be close to each other? Don't you "feel" for him?

Anyways, I myself have a few female buddies. We are really close, we tell each other everything, down right to the dirty details.... They know me inside out, and vice versa...I would say they are my soul mates.. but then, I don't have feelings for them at all (they are also attached anyways).

But then, we always wanna look for a boy friend who's equally a soul mate to us, who's more than just an activity partner, or someone to hang out with.. etc. You know? Someone whom we can grow old together.... where we can be together thru thick and thin.... because we want to be together, not because we are "supposed" to be....

I guess the majority of the guys probably are just not thinking about that.... just enjoying the moment.... that's why it's so hard to look for one... but, I still believe somewhere out there.... it may be fate, it may be chance.... but there will be someone....

[Guest your soulmate is here]

... but, I still believe somewhere out there.... it may be fate, it may be chance.... but there will be someone....

your search is over... here I am

[mcbealz]

where...?

[spiffy729]

I think when it comes to finding people you like, attraction starts.. well physically..

I mean, if it weren't, we'd be able to fxxk and marry women right?

.. So I guess.. looks play a decent role in finding someone compatible..

Personality comes next, I guess. Followed by interests

I mean, these are all imo..

Even if someone doesn't share the same interests as I do, if he had an amazing personality, he'd probably be able to make whatever he likes something interesting to listen to, and maybe I'll eventually start to like them too. Maybe.

But as for the question to where, I guess being part of the gay community, hoping to bump into someone who fits into the above criteria on the street, who just so happens to be gay and single and available, is like trying to find a healthy meal at McDonald's. Basically, it's nearly impossible unless you change your standards (of your soulmate/or of a healthy meal), I guess.

I have no specific suggestions for locations etc. I'm very new to the whole gay scene in Singapore...

everything I've typed out so far's just personal thoughts on the matter..

But basically, don't go to McDonald's trying to look for healthy meals. Go look at Subway or something. If you catch my drift.

[mcbealz]

Yea... so true.... it's like going to an Apple store to look for a cheap affordable handphone... or going to the Kopitiam looking for abalone....

Well, I guess a lot of people just don't know where to go, cos there are Apple stores and Kopitiams everywhere!!

What are the odds of finding a good match...? I suppose good dating websites help. Maybe joining activities like oogachaga...? Are there any "clubs" that gays can go to and socialise?

[mcbealz]

By "club", I don't mean like disco club.... I was thinking of clubs similar to Lion's Club / Rotary Club?

[Guest nil]

Yep, it's sorta like a numbers game rites?

For every 100 calls you make, 10 would be interested to see you. For every 10 you meet, you may be able to seal a deal....

Yep, it's sorta like a numbers game rites?

For every 100 calls you make, 10 would be interested to see you. For every 10 you meet, you may be able to seal a deal....

Hello.... you think doing sales ah....

[hiaoshu]

macbealz: i find it very odd that you addressed your query to singles. wouldn't it be better to ask those who HAVE found their soulmates, i.e. attached ppl, where they found their partner?

also perhaps you should clarify (as some of the earlier posters have requested) exactly what you mean by "soulmate". how does that differ (or not) from a generic long-term partner? (how long is long-term enough for you? 2 years, 7 years, 25 years, life?)

my own research (going through all my attached friends) you will find that many did meet at those gay cliché meeting places. i guess that's why they are a cliché. Let me list them: Swimming Pool, Chinese New Year House Party, Dinner Party, Dance Club, Chill-out Bar, Gym, Dragon Boat Team, Church, Choir and Online. (NB. this is not an exclusive list and may be more an indication of my social circle than anything else!) And -nudist- told you he met his partner at a sauna. What i am trying to say is that don't rule any place out. You can meet him (her?) anywhere.

i would like to disagree with one of the earlier posters (and you!) about it being a numbers game. unless you really are living under some kind of rock and absolutely refuse to go out and meet people you should already have met enough people. i think it is absolutely wrong to think that out of the 7 or however many billion people there are on earth only one is your soul-mate. that's pretty ridiculous. but how many frogs do you have to kiss before you find your prince? My unscientific estimate is around 100. Yup that few. If you already have meet 100s of people and none of them suit you, perhaps you should spend some time analysing why not rather than go looking for the next 100. cos if you are looking for a unicorn even travelling to the remotest jungle in the Amazon is not going to bring you any joy.

oh i forgot to ask you your age. age matters a lot. if you are say 18-24 then most of the people you have met will be young and (often, not always) unsure of who they are and who they would like to pair with. at the risk of being flamed i would say they are just not ready to settle into a LONG, LTR. I am sure there are exceptions but i know of very few in that age group that go past a 2 year attachment (and of those that do one will be older) and none made it past the 7-year barrier.

i would guess that 26-36 might be the "golden age" of getting attached. (hmm need to more research on this.)

once you hit 40 you either have to make a lot of compromises or else learn to enjoy the single life. (ok i will put on my flame retardant suit after typing that.)

Edited October 14, 2011 by hiaoshu

[mcbealz]

hey there.... you have a valid point , hiaoshu.... I think I asked the questions to the singles... but fortunately, there are other kind souls who are willing to share their experiences as well.... :clap:

Well, I think everyone has a different interpretation of a soulmate, but it's generally similar in the context of:

- life partner

- someone whom you can connect with, and understands you inside out

- someone you probably (eventually) can't live without

- of course, if there are common interest, or activity... then it will make it easier to connect

And definitely not just an "activity" partner, or someone to hang out with, or someone to show around.....

So - I also understand that it's not going to come over night. But the issue I face (similar to many singles out there, am sure) - is that.... once we meet someone (in the odd cliche places) - more often than not, they just have one thing in mind.... and when they realise you want more than just that one thing, then the journey ends there...

What you say is just so true.... 26-36 is the "golden age" of getting attached, and I agree. However, we don't want to hit 40 and realise.... "I need to make a lot of compromise, and need to probably spend the rest of my life as a single....". So, that's why I started this thread.. hoping to find answers...