Gay Coming Out Stories / videos / experiences - Family acceptance and the future (compiled)

[Angelic]

Im kinda scared of coming out to people.

Cause you'll never know where they will carry your secrets to and how it will affect your future life.

Never know what people are capable of doing. Like some crazy 8po. lol

Anyone has the same feeling or I'm being a chicken?

Will you respect others' privacy and only keep it to yourself?

[leo724]

Im kinda scared of coming out to people.

Cause you'll never know where they will carry your secrets to and how it will affect your future life.

Never know what people are capable of doing. Like some crazy 8po. lol

Anyone has the same feeling or I'm being a chicken?

Will you respect others' privacy and only keep it to yourself?

Why would you be respecting others' privacy if you keep your orientation to yourself? *confused* Anyway, you should only come out if you really feel a need to, of course. For example, if you feel miserable that you have no one to talk to, or you feel that it's too tiring to have to conceal your mannerisms/identity to everyone around you, do you think its worthwhile to suffer all the pain by yourself and hide it from your most loved ones?

Almost every action carries risks. But if you don't even trust your closed ones (e.g. family, best friend of more than 5 years), you are essentially not trusting your own judgment too; in fact, you will be subjecting yourself to a lifetime of self-inflicted doubt and paranoia.

By the way, i'm out to all my closest family members (not sure if my unfaithful dad knows though), 3 counsellors (2 from school), 2 teachers, and 7 very good friends. All of them are straight. I do admit that i tend to confide in others more easily, and that i'm lucky that all these people are neither homophobic nor gay-discriminatory, but ultimately it still depends on how determined, daring, and confident you are in attempting to change the things that you can well change in your life. If you don't feel an urgent need to do so, then just let it be.

Edited July 29, 2011 by leo724

[leo724]

Lots. Am not closetted and will never date one who is.

AGREE. =) How is any type of relationship (even sexual ones) going to be developed when one party is completely closetted and paranoid?

[PaterTenebrarum]

AGREE. =) How is any type of relationship (even sexual ones) going to be developed when one party is completely closetted and paranoid?

Imho, generally, nobody really cares if you are gay, straight or bi.

Im not effeminate or anything and frens have told me that I lumber instead of walk and Ive got into many fistfights. Also I dont consider myself "polished" or "fashionable". But I dont think Im "straight-acting" cos I gay gay gay gay GAY!

If people ask I will tell. In conversations I will just casually mention that my partner and I have done such and such a thing or have been to such and such a place. Or when people ask whom Im staying with, I will say that Im sharing a roof with my partner with a spoilt ginger cat.

It just comes naturally cos Ive got nothing to hide and I dont owe shit from anybody. Heh!

LIfe is too short to worry about wot people think abt you. imo, being gay is no big deal - so stop making it a big deal! I like confidence in a guy cos as wot I said earlier, nobody owes anybody shit.

Edited July 29, 2011 by PaterTenebrarum

[PaterTenebrarum]

That rules me out.

It's deep, dark and musty where I am.

Then come out into the light. You will feel much better cos the air here doesnt reek of mothballs.

[germnot]

Almost none Only online friends -.-

[derryfawne]

Aside from people I met after knowing that they are gay, I'm out to both females and males.

I don't keep a count anymore, but it's probably about a dozen so far; and everyone I'm out to has been receptive. They still treat me the same.

[Guest Guest]

Im kinda scared of coming out to people.

Cause you'll never know where they will carry your secrets to and how it will affect your future life.

Never know what people are capable of doing. Like some crazy 8po. lol

Anyone has the same feeling or I'm being a chicken?

Will you respect others' privacy and only keep it to yourself?

think of it another way - if you are not out to people, you are not being yourself, you never know how your future life will be.

of cos this is easier said than done. but take baby steps, you lead and control your own life, dun let others take charge of it for you.

[geronimo]

Then come out into the light. You will feel much better cos the air here doesnt reek of mothballs.

Actually, I am comfortable with my parallel lives and my secret history.

[fab]

My boyfriend.

[mcbealz]

I was having such a bad time before I came out to my 3 bestest (female) friend. Cos every time we talked about stuffs (including intimate details)... I always had to avoid the subject about me, and pretend that I like girls...

Ever since I came out to them.... I felt freeeee...... and the more like minded people I meet, the more acceptable I am toward the community. And I'm going to stop "pretending" that I like girls in front of my friends.... colleagues, maybe I'll just keep it away from them for awhile...

So - in total 3, technically 4, cos the 3rd gal's boyfriend also knows :whistle:

But there will be more coming... can't wait to see their reactions.. my long time college mates....

[Guest jayy]

Only the people I've hooked up with.

I am a private person and I conceal alot of things about myself from most people.

[Guest gboy21]

Been fooling around with too many straight guy friends to come out to them. Don't know if that's a valid concern?

Just one. A junior who came out to me and I reciprocated.

[easy2read]

None cause im afraid they will tell my boss and ruin my career

[Guest Guest]

I suspect some people in my family, as well as some of my friends, gave guessed that I'm not entirely straight. Also, I don't confirm or deny when asked about my sexuality. =X

[Angelic]

think of it another way - if you are not out to people, you are not being yourself, you never know how your future life will be.

of cos this is easier said than done. but take baby steps, you lead and control your own life, dun let others take charge of it for you.

Agree. I'm taking baby steps now.

[Guest VOR]

You're Out To How Many Person?

As of 30th July 2011, I declare that I am officially OUT to the 3 most important figures in my entire life and existence!

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ME, MYSELF & I! :whistle:

[jeeves]

Hey guys! I need some advice. I'm thinking of confessing to my friends of 5 years that I'm bi. I plan to tell them over a chalet that we're planning towards December. What do you think? Just like everybody, I'm afraid they won't accept me for who I am.

[PaterTenebrarum]

Hey guys! I need some advice. I'm thinking of confessing to my friends of 5 years that I'm bi. I plan to tell them over a chalet that we're planning towards December. What do you think? Just like everybody, I'm afraid they won't accept me for who I am.

If they are really yr friends, they will accept you, whatever you are.

[jeeves]

@ PaterTenebrarum: Ok thanks!

@ DoingMoar: Why no surprise? Is it obvious that I'm bi?

Edited July 30, 2011 by jeeves

[Guest Guest]

I know of some sissies who are like totally closeted.

[Guest .]

Hello - I'm not a member here, but I do think this is a great website that gels the local gay community. Anyway, I was recently inspired by somebody to tell my coming out story, so here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEHidC0DNoQ

Oddly enough, I've seen one of my videos floating around the site this past week.

[Guest wildshark]

hey handsome,

I believe, do what u wan but never break ur parents heart. They will blame themselves for what you are.

Do you want your mum to be always in tears.

[Beast]

hey handsome,

I believe, do what u wan but never break ur parents heart. They will blame themselves for what you are.

Do you want your mum to be always in tears.

Your words remind me the regrets in my life. My parents will leave this world not able to attend my wedding and carry grandchildren from me. A guilt I have to carry for the rest of my life. Sigh....

[Guest dude7272]

Yeah boy go and tell your social circles friends family n relatives about how u r about to transforming to become gay right now !

wow a news n what a hell u r just one of us.

We will not want to bother much sily boy they million n million of us. :whistle:

[Guest Ee ee]

Perhaps u should not post that video into U tube or blowing wing u see the consequences.

I strongly suggest u remove it before u end your career.

[Guest Ee ee]

Do u think yr further employer who want to employ a gay man?

Come on this is singapore u know.

[stars]

I'm sure the kid knows what he's doing - and being gay, it isn't a big deal to most employers anymore.

[Guest Ee ee]

I'm sure the kid knows what he's doing - and being gay, it isn't a big deal to most employers anymore.

R u sure?

Can u try telling yr boss n see what he or she and all yr collaegues n see what is they thoughts n respond ?

Can they accept YOU as a gay first ?

Oh is a damp big deal for straight ppl leh.

U try first? :clap:

[Guest .]

R u sure?

Can u try telling yr boss n see what he or she and all yr collaegues n see what is they thoughts n respond ?

Can they accept YOU as a gay first ?

Oh is a damp big deal for straight ppl leh.

U try first? :clap:

Hello, I'm the original poster. You really needn't worry about me. I'm pretty sure I'm going into the media line and I don't think I'll need to hide anything there. And why bother hiding something so obvious? It would be pathetic for me to say I was straight.

[Guest Guest]

U wanna to be the gay idol represent Singaporean ?

[gstc82]

i did not tell anyone i am gay. its my dad who told me he knows i am gay. on appearance i am 110% straight. but hey, must still respect my parents, did not bring my BF of 15years to my hse. or be openly gay. they still hope i get married one day.

[Zackling]

@ Guest.. after hearing ur video.. I would only have one thing to say.. remarkable..be gay.. be proud to be who you're & whatever you're. I am another bi guy in the society & my journey from a str guy to a bi guy.. and here I am staying with my transgender gf & her family. When I broke the news to my family abt my marriage.. they reacted in the same manner as ur parents for starters.. but I would have to say that.. I'm fortunate enough to have them being open minded enough that they had accepted her as a future daughter in law.

So whereever you go.. you don't have to hide ur id & ur sexual orientation..Just Be Urself. Most company had adopted the Don't tell, Don't ask policies.

" Live for something or you die for nothing" - Rambo 4 quote * hope it suits you..and able to encourage you.

[Guest Guest]

Dear brave and beautiful soul person that you are, the courage that you have to out yourself to the world through youtube is fantastic, I am sure you will not be discouraged by so many critics here who say that you will affect your future employment hwen you out yourself like this through youtube.

I can tell that you have a happy attitude to life , and you do not want to live in fear all your life of carrying a secret and fearing one day your secret is out and being outed by someone you don't know. The fear of being outed and staying in the closet is a fear that feeds itself and grows bigger and bigger everyday.

Sexuality is just a small part of people's lives. Maybe 30 minutes in a day is spent on doing the nasty thoughts and action.

You coming out to the world through YOUtube , will help so many young and unsure people to be brave and come out to themselves and their friends and families.

Bravo for your courage, the more we hammer the nails into the coffin of the fear of homosexuals , which is homophobia.

let's hammer more nails onto the coffin of homophobia and bury homophobia for good.

Being happy with onself is the biggest happiness one can give to oneself

[TheVisitors]

I am not being rude here. I am going to be really straightforward as usual.

I mean...producing a video of you coming out that you're gay, doesn't make any real difference.

I mean, with all honesty, who doesn't know that your looks, your behaviour and the way you speak, you are so effeminately gay ?

A dog can smell it and the blind can see.

If anyone should say that you look and behave straight, he would have committed a sin, worse than Eve's.

However, credit goes to your bravery for posting your thoughts and your confession here, which I know, it wasn't easy at first, as you would have anticipated frictions, objections, dismays and frownings you will be greeted with.

All the best. and I do hope you find some happiness for your honesty.

[cvbv1987]

show ur mom this video. she will know how much u love her... n she will understand you need your own life

[Guest Mr soo]

Great video n u seems to be nevus in the video by telling to the would u r gay.

U should take only 10 second saying I'm gay from s'pore n that's the end.

Tks 4 sharing n u should inform all yr family member n social friends but not us as we r not related to to u at all.

We can't be bother whether u coming out showing yr face.

[didi]

you're really brave..

[Guest d]

fellow blowingwinders, why are you so cynical? what good are you doing by throwing disparaging remarks at him? you people here who are leading your double lives are too scared to admit who you are, too cynical to believe that things would get better, too bitter that you need to drag others with you. it takes him really a lot of courage to make that youtube video and tell the world that he is accepting himself. and so what he was effeminate? it takes even more effort to accept both his homosexuality and his effeminateness. cut him some slack and applaud for his bravery. so yah, i'm glad that at least he is honest with himself and that he is certain of the life he wants to lead.

to the creator of the youtube video, i agree with guest that you have a brave and beautiful soul. and even though the coming out is not easy, i sincerely hope that you will get all the happiness for being true to yourself.

[Nickolade]

R u sure?

Can u try telling yr boss n see what he or she and all yr collaegues n see what is they thoughts n respond ?

Can they accept YOU as a gay first ?

Oh is a damp big deal for straight ppl leh.

U try first? :clap:

Employers/ Colleagues/ NS mates/ School friends/ Relatives/ Parents/ Even Ex-girlfriends

All try liao....and they didn't freak out saying "omg you're gay? eeeeeeeeee"

So now what "Ee ee"? Will my real-life experience/ success in this matter help you overcome your own fear of things about yourself that you're having difficulty understanding? I'm guessing it won't since you seem quite adamant about imprinting your own fear in others...

Instead they asked me more about it, because they wanted to understand it better and to them, me being 'matter of fact' about it helped them overcome their own initial awkwardness about the whole thing because they could see that I didn't believe it was something to be awkward about in the first place.

And before you try to 'label' me as straight-acting or Queeny/ pee cha/ feminine....Let me just say that I've been through all the phases.....I've tried on many different stereo typical roles....and in all of them, I've been met with the same response. Why? It's very very simple. I don't believe being who I am is 'wrong' by any standard.

When you show people that this is what you believe, especially people who know you and are close to you, they will in turn not judge you but instead be curious as to why you believe in something that others find hard to.

And if you explain it to them, they will then know. Be aware. And learn a new perspective that only you could have given them in this life.

It's when you yourself feel that there is something wrong with being gay, that others around you will feel that it is too. I mean, if you think it and act like it's wrong, why shouldn't they treat you as such?

I don't see the need to wear a big T-shirt saying "I'm Gay"....but at the same time, I respect it when another needs to feel re-affirmed by saying something out loud.

Kudos to you thread starter. :thumb: But also please realise, that there is a lot more to you....that defines you....other than your sexuality.

Edited August 20, 2011 by Nickolade

[PaterTenebrarum]

I think that being gay is not a a big deal. Ive never made official announcements telling everyone:"Hey, Im gay" and all that. But when others ask, I will tell. And don't think your parents dont know. Parents. Know.

When I was still staying with my mum many years ago, my mum asked cryptically if I had ever thought of getting married. I was in my late (mid?) 20s and it was the first and only time she asked me that. I knew that that wasnt the question she was actually trying to ask. I know my mum , she is usualy very direct but when she asked me the "marriage" question, she avoided eye contact and seemed a bit uncomfortable.

We were sitting down at the sofa at her place. I took her hand and said."I think you know that I will never get married". There was a long pause. She cried a bit, sghed and said " Ive known for a long time. You have always been different".

But what she said next melted me even though Im not one for soppy sentimental shit. She said" You will always be my son and I will always love you". and squeezed my hand and put her head on my shoulder.

And that was that.

[cracklesizzle]

But what she said next melted me even though Im not one for soppy sentimental shit. She said" You will always be my son and I will always love you". and squeezed my hand and put her head on my shoulder.

Aww, that's really nice.

[Beast]

I think that being gay is not a a big deal. Ive never made official announcements telling everyone:"Hey, Im gay" and all that. But when others ask, I will tell. And don't think your parents dont know. Parents. Know.

When I was still staying with my mum many years ago, my mum asked cryptically if I had ever thought of getting married. I was in my late (mid?) 20s and it was the first and only time she asked me that. I knew that that wasnt the question she was actually trying to ask. I know my mum , she is usualy very direct but when she asked me the "marriage" question, she avoided eye contact and seemed a bit uncomfortable.

We were sitting down at the sofa at her place. I took her hand and said."I think you know that I will never get married". There was a long pause. She cried a bit, sghed and said " Ive known for a long time. You have always been different".

But what she said next melted me even though Im not one for soppy sentimental shit. She said" You will always be my son and I will always love you". and squeezed my hand and put her head on my shoulder.

And that was that.

I feel touched upon reading this.

[PaterTenebrarum]

Yea, my mum's reaction didnt surprise me tho. I have always known that she knew all the while. She just wanted a confirmation and I gave it to her.

Edited August 21, 2011 by PaterTenebrarum

[briax]

R u sure?

Can u try telling yr boss n see what he or she and all yr collaegues n see what is they thoughts n respond ?

Can they accept YOU as a gay first ?

Oh is a damp big deal for straight ppl leh.

U try first? :clap:

i dunno if it is a big deal for straight people. Like i have said in some of my previous posts here, the only reason i can think why straight people think it is a big deal because you make it a freaking big deal and you behave strangely and sensitively to everyone.

I came out to as many as colleagues possible when i was serving my eight years army career. Big deal? The only time i felt it was a big deal as my RSM sat me down to offer paracounselling. In that process i educated him and reminded him that it is just part of me and nothing big deal about it. The rest of the colleagues, either they apologised for whatever homophobic jokes they made or curious on my choices of partners or cannot be bothered. These are all males ranging from 20 to 50, the type you typically think are clueless about gay. The experience changed my perception of straight men.

You can make discussion meaningful and lighthearted so that they learn. If they have always distorted ideas on gay men, then use yourself to portray how "uninteresting" a gay man can be. You can camp it up, like i do occasionally or swear it like some alpha male whichever works for u. Bottomline is be yourself.

This remains constant throughout my career, noone freaking care who i sleep with at night. Did my career take a toll? No, two public jobs and one private job. I am ranked just like other peers and ask to mentor subordinates just like any seniors. And i know exactly where i will be promoted to. Again it is combination of who and what you can do, not who you screw. Bosses only care if you are performing, unless you are running a church.

If it is a workplace that discriminates you for being gay, freaking leave your job. It might not be easy for you to say that to your parents, but if you let yourself suffer in a job, you need to rethink your priority in life.

You have a choice in everything, this boy has a choice in making this video. We can be who we want to be.

[PaterTenebrarum]

My sexuality has never been an issue at the workplace, except for this one time in 2004 when my picture appeared in TIME magazine (!!!) about Singapore turning "pink" and there as a pic of a friend and I dressed in party clothes at the Nation Party.

I was a teacher back then and the VP called me into the office to talk abt the matter and she tried to delve into my private life, so I told her whom I sleep with was none of her concern as I was a good teacher. And she did not bring up the matter any further.

And then, there was this one time, when an almost naked pic of me appeared on a poster for a local gay play. I was in NIE then. Some fvcked up religious group sent a letter to my parents informed them they are "concerned" abt my activities. My mum called them back and told them to mind their own biz.

Edited August 21, 2011 by PaterTenebrarum

[Guest James]

Why should you announce whether you are straight or gay to the world and that is totaly unnecessary meaningless.

[TheVisitors]

Your own sexuality has really nothing to do with what the rest of this god damn world really thinks of you.

Do you know why the video or smiliar ones are created? This really stems from your own fear from unable to accept for who you really are, and thus throught this media, you seek for acceptance.

In the first place, I don't even see the need to seek approval from the rest of very dysfunctional world, that creates whats right and wrong, which too is based on ignorance, stupidity, ill-informed minds, and the forever amusing human fickle fancies.

You create your fear out of being controlled by sllly social conditionings.

Your sexual identity is uniquely yours, thus no one can touch it, judge it and crash it, thus by fear, you have already disempowered your own self worth

The moment you allow society to extract your unique identity, as something not yours and label it as pervertly sick, then you are in trouble

This is what I mean self disempowerment

When I was 15, swinging between two sexes, I didn't have any issue with my sexuality

When I decided which path to take, I still don't have a issue about it..

Until 25 , when my ex Japanese boy friend, can't accept I wanted to break up due to his eccentric and erratic mood swing, he took it back by sending flowers to my house, one early morning and exposed my sexual ity to my entire family.

No doubt initially unnerving and disturbing , unfortunately it was ineffective , as both my parents are open minded and educated, the agenda cooled off after a week, and nobody mentioned about it.

Sometimes very nosey aunties, far distance relatives asked my mother.."Wow your Ah Boy so cute why not married? She answered nicely.." Please la. With his eccentric character , hot and wilful temper, you think any girls wants him? "

Some even wanted to match make me with unmarried ladies. But mother knows best..No thanks.

The touching part once in my life was, when she knew I was depressed after one breakup . And she comforted me by saying. " Its alright, life goes on. You are still my son, my love is always there for you.....and you didn't want to heel my advise.....K was a much better person than A. Personally I like K but you thought he was boring.."

4 of my bosses after 8 years , , found out I was gay, when one of my breakout affected my work performance.

Because all along I was always seen by them , as a smart honest resourceful worker, they looked at my personality, thus overlooked my sexuality.

Thus when you present your presonality and it is looked, people no longer judge you through your sexuality.

No doubt they are straight guys, I am grateful those days when they spent their time giving soundful advises, and a good listening ear.

Because of this, subtlely it was a blessing in disguise. Through that incident, we formed a closer rapport as friends, and they even taught me the igredients for promotion.

In my gym, there are so much politics. One of my gym buddy is straight, who knows I am gay. Once two guys didn't like me due to very childish reasons When I was not around, they asked my friend.."That friend of yours is so quiet and arrogant. Hope that he is gay, so we can laugh at him"

But my straight friend retorted. " People gay or not gay is really none of your business. In terms of looks, fitness and strenght, he already surpass you.

If a gay guy fair better than you, you not shy ha? If you dare to spread any rumours I will bash you up. "

I was really touched when he told me this incident, of how angry he was with them.

When a straight guy, finally can protect and stand up for his gay friend, in times of need, I would say, you are a successful gay.

Thus it is possible , for the gays, straights and bisexual, to all blend in as friends, by not passing judgement on each other's sexuality.

In short, there is no need to create videos or wear t-shirts with loud messages...

" HELLO, I AM GAY, PLEASE ACCEPT ME AND LOVE ME"

That is quite pathetic

Even in Buddhism, Buddha did explained the nature of homosexuality. He sees it neutrally as a human factor, which has the right to exist to experience its own right and karma , as any straight people.

Even the famous Jiddu Krishnmurti did replied, on his discussion " On Love" When asked what he thought about love between people of the same gender.

He repilied calmly,

" Love is just love, the essense is of no difference between a man and woman. It is not more, nor less, but the essense is the same.

Look at the inside, and not judge the shell of the owner, who holds the same essense as yours. "

[Guest Guestbitch]

R u sure?

Can u try telling yr boss n see what he or she and all yr collaegues n see what is they thoughts n respond ?

Can they accept YOU as a gay first ?

Oh is a damp big deal for straight ppl leh.

U try first? :clap:

You sound like one of those people who hide in dark room and ambush unsuspecting cocks that walk in, get a free blow and load all over yourself while secretly ashamed of yourself. I feel sad for you.

[fab]

It is not your choice that u are born a gay. Hence there's no need for u to blame yourself.

Be happy.

Your words remind me the regrets in my life. My parents will leave this world not able to attend my wedding and carry grandchildren from me. A guilt I have to carry for the rest of my life. Sigh....