Gay Coming Out Stories / videos / experiences - Family acceptance and the future (compiled)

[EasleyLim]

i didnt really 'come out' to my dad. Just that when he questioned me YESTERDAY, i just laugh and return him a question instead.

As for my sister and mother, I've told them 3-4years ago. Just put on the poker face and act as if it's no big deal.

My father actually ask me whether one of the close girl-friend is my GF, then he shot me with the earthshaking question... "You better don't be gay, are you gay?"

ME: "So.. What happen if I am gay?"

And then I walk back to my room and sleep... LOL. This morning he told me to change.....

I was like.. How you want me to change? But I never say it out, instead just keep nodding. LOl

They make it sound like it's so easy to wake up one morning and go, "I think I'll eat pussy today!"

Ask him eat dick first (in a polite way, lol) and if he can do it, so can you.

Edited January 6, 2013 by EasleyLim

[bhboy]

They make it sound like it's so easy to wake up one morning and go, "I think I'll eat pussy today!"

Ask him eat dick first (in a polite way, lol) and if he can do it, so can you.

Haha good one.

[Marineboy]

Are you out to your parents? Can share how you did it?

I am 30... My family are the last people I haven't come out to.

Think i should do it.. Just don't know how.

Bring someone home to have fun with, let them "accidental" discover when they come home? haha

I very much wanted to be out to my parents but since i m older than you my parents generation will be much more at a lost.

They still think all gays have broken wrist behavior.

After coming out to my younger sis...she thinks its not a good idea to do that looking at what my folks perceptions and what they know in their generation.

She is on my side in the days when mom keeps wanting me to find a daughter inlaw for her not knowing its her destinity to have just son inlaws hahaha

My dad even thought that perhaps during my young age when i had serious medical issues and was hospitalised for 6monhs in my first 2years on earth he asked if i could be impotent hahaha

They did try to intro thru friends etc and all i rejected with no chemistry...whcih is true mah

Whenever i had a girlfren visiting the house...all hopes ignited again keke

I did bring home their son inlaw they dont know about...both said he is a very nice boy.. both liked him too.

Its better to think thru what possible scenrio of consequences that you might encounter. if you think you can manage them then good for you.

If you are financially independent then worse case you move out if they throw you out...might get struck off their will etc.

However its good to test test and see how they react when there are stories on the papers about ajs so see how they see things about such issues.......BUT its usually not the same when it is their child hehe

A good start is todays sunday newpaper...lesbian was raped 2nd times ahd a child she wanted to get rid off...but he is now her pillar of strength...

I was was touched by her story and really happy things worked out well for her and her now 20yo handsome son keke

Regards

[Guest fasttan]

i think ignorance is bliss, do the parents really got to know and get hurt and disappointed?

[Guest Guest]

As parents, it will just be a matter of time that they know. The only question is when.

Actually, letting them know is the easy part. I learnt one discrete way of letting someone know that you are gay without even speaking: Leave your gay pxxn out for them to find. But this is only the "letting them know" part, you have to handle the "interrogation" part yourself after that. That is the tough part.

[Guest Ooo La La]

its been 3 years since i staying with my bf with his family. sometime he will follow me back to my house,I'm staying with my sister. as my parents divorced long ago. his aunties, mom and dad, definitely know about us. sleeping together on the same bed for 3 years. i guess that is the easiest indirect way of coming out, No? my dad and mom know that im staying with him. but they still dont know that im sleeping on the same bed. To me, if you love your parents, being very nice to them, take care of them, one day when they found out about you, at least they wont be so angry...

[Guest stiffneck]

Thanks a lot guys, for your contribution and sharing.

I think, don't burden myself n parents unnecessarily, or prematurely, correct?

Enough problem for the day already.

Thanks

[Marineboy]

After some time the urge to come out might just die off. Cheers

[Aztrole]

Let nature take its course.

[daedalus]

I came out to them more than 2 years ago. It was probably the best thing happened to me, I suppose. I don't need to pretend to be someone that I'm really not. My mom told me that as long as the other party is nice with me, she's got no reason to object. I really feel good after that.

Weird thing is, for some reasons, she always talk about girls. Lol.

[Aztrole]

I came out to them more than 2 years ago. It was probably the best thing happened to me, I suppose. I don't need to pretend to be someone that I'm really not. My mom told me that as long as the other party is nice with me, she's got no reason to object. I really feel good after that.

Weird thing is, for some reasons, she always talk about girls. Lol.

Always heart-warming to hear something like that. The kind of ahhhh-story.

Talk about girls? Try to psycho you mah! LOL

[Retadin]

I came out when i was much 15? Sure u get some obstacles to pass after u come out but rather than hiding behind the reason that "parent's might be disappointed and hurt" and never coming out, i find coming out a much better experience. Took awhile but im closer with both my parents. My mum accepts me and my bfs (those that i introduce that is lol).

As Sir Ian Mckellen said in an interview, "I've never met a gay person who regrets coming out"

Edited January 8, 2013 by Retadin

[-piper-]

I m 21 years old, and I came out a year ago.... My mom cried a great deal but she came to terms to it.... Now we even discuss about guys together!

[Guest stiffneck]

I m 21 years old, and I came out a year ago.... My mom cried a great deal but she came to terms to it.... Now we even discuss about guys together!

I came out when i was much 15? Sure u get some obstacles to pass after u come out but rather than hiding behind the reason that "parent's might be disappointed and hurt" and never coming out, i find coming out a much better experience. Took awhile but im closer with both my parents. My mum accepts me and my bfs (those that i introduce that is lol). As Sir Ian Mckellen said in an interview, "I've never met a gay person who regrets coming out"

I came out to them more than 2 years ago. It was probably the best thing happened to me, I suppose. I don't need to pretend to be someone that I'm really not. My mom told me that as long as the other party is nice with me, she's got no reason to object. I really feel good after that. Weird thing is, for some reasons, she always talk about girls. Lol.

Aww.. I wish i have the courage to tell them.

come come.. give me a group hug

[daedalus]

Some need a trigger. For me, I broke up with someone that I love most till date. I was over the edge and I couldn't take it alone. So I called my mom and told her about it. :-) I have another friend who came out in the same situation.

[aXdannyXa]

Some need a trigger. For me, I broke up with someone that I love most till date. I was over the edge and I couldn't take it alone. So I called my mom and told her about it. :-) I have another friend who came out in the same situation.

seeking comfort in the arms of your mother. really sweet man.

[Guest Wan]

I didn't came out! My mum already knew through one of out arguements last year and though she was mad about it, she later accept it fully! At least now she won't force me to get married in our converstation unlike she used to

[kyle24]

this chinese new year i plan to take my boyfriend visit my big family,,, last year i took my ex also and everything is going well,, like xenophile said "test the water 1st dont plunge ur head" good luck

[simplicitykins]

wonder when will i get the courage

[jarboy]

I read this touching coming out story and was deeply touched by it.

Tasked with writing about ‘The weight that I carry daily’ for English

class, a young student decided to come out to his teacher.

Posted on Reddit, the student said: ‘Never have I teared up from a teacher’s comments before.’

The letter in full reads:

‘Dear Mrs [Name redacted],

I wish to write to you about the biggest thing I carry. I’ve been

carrying this since middle school and it’s a been a huge weight on me

since I discovered it. The knowledge of my sexuality has been with me

for about six years now, and it was a burden for a great deal of time.

It wasn’t until recently that I started to slowly lift this off of my

shoulders. I’ve carried this for so long because of fear. I’m afraid of

certain people finding this weight. I’m afraid of them finding the

weight and thinking differently of me. Thinking negatively of me. Hating

me. That’s why I carry it. I just don’t want to be hated. Or even

worse, kicked out of people’s lives.

I want things to stay the same, but I want to get rid of this weight.

It’s weighing me down and keeping me from greater things, but again that

fear comes into play and makes me think differently. The fear forces me

to burden myself by carrying it even longer.

Thankfully I’ve been able to set down minute portions of it, by sharing

the knowledge that I’m not “normal” per society. I’ve received mixed

emotions. Some couldn’t care less about the knowledge. Some liked me

even more for it. And ultimately, some detest me for it.

But I care not for those who detest the knowledge. They can go off into

their sad little world full of bigoted hate. I couldn’t care less for

them. I’ve been able to shave off a great deal of what I carry, but

sadly, a bit remains. The bit that is reserved for my family.

They will be the hardest ones to share the knowledge with, for I don’t

know how they will accept it. I have no idea if they will think nothing

of it, or if they will reject the love I offer them and disown me as

their son, or brother, or nephew.

That, like much of this cold, dark world, can finally remove this

weight from me, liberate my world, is the first great victory in my

life. That is the day I just can’t wait to see.

Best regards,

[Name redacted]

PS – The main reason I’ve waited so long to tell you this is I just

felt uncomfortable writing you this letter, and that I really didn’t

know how it would be responded to. I apologize for any inconvenience

that my selfish feelings may have caused. Thank you for reading this.

It’s a grant step in my journey.’

At the end of the letter, the teacher left a note saying:

‘I am honored to be a witness to this weight being lifted off.

You are an amazing, dynamic, compassionate, ‘with it’ young man who will

give the world a gift just by you being you offering your love and spirit.

‘If people choose not to be comfortable with your honesty – their loss my friend – their loss.

[EasleyLim]

And to think there are people who say we CHOSE this lifestyle. Humrph.

[EasleyLim]

And to think there are people who say we CHOSE this lifestyle. Humrph.

[joeltkl]

I feel for the person who started this post. I'm rlly close to my family as well so I'm afraid to hurt them in a way if they were to find out. With that said, friends are a major source of support if youre not open to your family members. So yeah I suggest to open up to close friends you feel would accept you for who you are. So you at least feel more liberated as you can share your personal troubles with. However I think there will still be a void somewhere within which would be empty unless you have a special someone :/ that's just imo. All these advise is coming from a newbie who only chose to come out this year HAHA so I'm in the process of seeking friends and help too

[coeurdelaurent]

I feel for the person who started this post. I'm rlly close to my family as well so I'm afraid to hurt them in a way if they were to find out. With that said, friends are a major source of support if youre not open to your family members. So yeah I suggest to open up to close friends you feel would accept you for who you are. So you at least feel more liberated as you can share your personal troubles with. However I think there will still be a void somewhere within which would be empty unless you have a special someone :/ that's just imo. All these advise is coming from a newbie who only chose to come out this year HAHA so I'm in the process of seeking friends and help too

Claps.

[slackerj]

I think my parents might be aware as they've caught my choice of pxxn in secondary school.

I think their conclusion then is that I was just exploring and never confront me directly. Can't be sure what they think now. Doesn't help that my parents know that I like kids, so they might still be dreaming of grandkids from me.

Taking steps to come out to friend as well; new friends that is. Have no idea how my older friends will treat my coming out.

[Guest LONEly NIGht]

If I were parent, I wont want my children confess to me he is gay, I will be heart broken : every normal parents just want their children to be str and get married .

[Guest Wesley]

If I were parent, I wont want my children confess to me he is gay, I will be heart broken : every normal parents just want their children to be str and get married .

You are wrong. My dad said to me that all he wants in life for me is to be happy so if that means accepting that i am gay then that's okay with him.

 

Normal, well adjusted, unselfish parents only want their children to be happy.

[blueb]

If I were parent, I wont want my children confess to me he is gay, I will be heart broken : every normal parents just want their children to be str and get married .

 

Well, it's true no Asian parents of our culture would want to see their child walk down this path, where everything is prejudiced by society, and is so much more challenging to get by (in terms of legal rights and social acceptance) than our heterosexual counterpart. But life is never about rainbows and unicorns, though we don't get to choose our sexual orientation, but you get a choice to choose the life you want to empower yourself to live with.

 

I am personally very close to my parents, and coming out for me had brought me even closer to them. Especially the relationship with my dad, it just seems like he is trying again to make up for lost time, filling in as the figure that was never there for me when I was younger. Trust me, it was not an overnight thing; there were alot of painful memories and heartbreaks, for them and me to coming to terms with things, it's been six years and it is still difficult for them to fully grasp the whole concept of dealing with a gay son. I may not expect them to completely accept my sexuality, but one thing's for sure is that they had  still accepted me as their son.

 

And I remember during the initial phase, telling my mom this when she was convincing me (probably still is) to walk the legit path, which might even mean living a bachelor for the rest of my life as long as I don't commit the sin, "You should already know this road ahead I'm about to walk is already extremely adversed to begin with, all the more I don't think I'm deserved to walk it all alone. I know you are worried about the hardship I will face in future, but you have to know that you can't be there for me for the rest of life. There will come a day where you and pa will cross over, and who else is there left more to live for besides myself?" It struck her, and hard, and perhaps that was the point things were slowing changing..

 

I don't even know why I even shared so much of my personal details here so blatantly over the net space, but atropine, just wanted to share with you the decision I had made and the journey I was made to walk. And maybe the outcome is different for everyone, but at the end of the day, I tell myself this is the person I can live with myself everyday, the son who had the balls to let them know who I am, and by leaving the closet behind me it is up to them to choose, continue to help me along my life as my parents or live in the denial they want it to be.

 

Looking back, I would have done all over again, I know the day my mom had truly accepted me was when I had broken up with my ex (whom she had treated like her son in law - and he often stayed over), and I was crying in my room. My mom came in and hugged me, and was just there for me. It was these moments that I would want to continue to share with my parents before it's their time, because we only have one life for them..

  

Take your time, and perhaps the most difficult phase is learning to accept yourself first. Once you had come to terms with that, things might get trickier, but definitely better when you know you do not need to lie anymore.. 

[Guest LONEly NIGht]

If I hold someone so dear I do have certain expectation of him, I don't want him in the state down and out but tell me he is happy; I don't want him penniless but tell me he is happy . If he is gay, I. could sense it, I. don't want him confess to me ,just lead the live he wanted to be, and I wont force him to get married, if he would introduce his bf, must be refer as buddy, not.partner or bf,.or else it would be quite awkward. with the above state of mind, I count myself lucky: single gay, no worry to have any gay son.

,

[suckling_pig]

For those of you who have already come out to your parents/family.

 

I told my folks when I was 16, and am very glad I did.

Edited April 24, 2013 by suckling_pig

[Gray]

I haven't told my parents (officially) yet. Man but are they a bunch of weird parents or what. Weird but cute.

 

My dad and mum are separated and I live with my dad and his gf. My bf and I are together for close to 3 years now, throughout these 3 years he has been in and out of my home frequently. During the first year, I told my dad that he was a good friend and that he kept staying over because he had family issues and didn't wanna go home (LOL). My dad took my word for it and was nice to him. He even bought us dinner outside once. Until one day when he found us in the shower together and stumbled upon the truth. He talked to me later on and asked me if I wanted to be a normal man or an abnormal man, and told me never to bring my bf over again. He even went around outing me to all our relatives and my mum saying that his son didn't like girls but guys.

 

Fast forward to today: My bf still comes over, they still say hi to each other. My dad never talks about the issue again. It's like don't ask don't tell. Sometimes if my bf doesn't come over for some time, my dad's gf will even ask eh where is ___ and how come he didn't come over these days?

 

As for my mum, she is even weirder. We had a talk once before I was out to myself. Cos during that time I just started going to the gym and was getting some nice results on my body. She then told me not to go to the gym too much as that place was full of homosexuals that liked to prey on young guys like me. I was like: no la where got, make friends only. Then I told her that there was this guy who asked for my number outside the gym but I didn't give it to him. I thought she would say something like: good that man was probably a homosexual. Instead she went: "aiyo why never give? you should make more friends!" Then I was like ???

 

A few years back after my dad had told her that I was gay, she confronted me about it. She was very straightforward. She asked me to my face several times: "Are you gay?" And I denied it all the time. I told her stuff like, don believe dad's nonsense, he was mistaken, etc. But she didn't believe me and she just went on each time and said son, you cannot be gay ok? You must have a family of your own ok? you cannot be gay ok?

 

Until one day, I stayed over at my mum's place and my bf came along. She got along really well with him and i could tell that she liked him. She kept telling me that my bf was such a good boy and there were so many things I should learn from him blah blah blah. And then when we were alone, she asked me: "Is that boy your bf? Is he the one your father was telling me about?" To which I said: "no la, we're just normal friends. I'm not gay mum." She kept queit for a while and then she said something surprising. She told me: "If you're gay, it's fine. You know some people are just born gay. It's in their genes. I understand that these things can't be controlled." Somehow I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth though and when she asked me again if i liked girls or guys, I told her I like girls.

 

Fast forward to today: Obviously she didn't believe me, cos she still asks me the same question eeverytime she gets reminded about the gay issue. The are you gay, do you like girls or guys questions. lol but I guess I'm just not ready to talk about it..

[Guest Guest]

Why dun u just tell them u are gay since they seem to be able to accept it. Things would be so much easier and fuck all those mind games.

[gstc82]

No difference. Still nag nag nag. How do u think they shd accept?

[Keough-Kenrik]

My mom was fine with it. Lol. My dad doesn't know though.

Coming out in general had positive effects on my life. I got closer with my friends, meet more people like us, so yeahh... Plus- it opens you up to what AJ people are and the community you actually are in. Lolz

It's an underground world, people. Unwritten rules everywhere.

[Jnatcire]

It was a terrible experience for me to go through and I suffered shit for the following years.

However, my rebelliousness and relentlessness forced them to accept who I am - or to give me up as an individual.

This is something that most of us have to face. Fight for who you are. You are old enough to make decisions for yourselves as well as to handle the consequences.

Edited April 25, 2013 by Jnatcire

[kys0n]

Wasn't worth it for me. They didn't accept and they just nag and nag and nag and scold and curse and curse and scold and nag and curse...daily.

 

You get the drift. Lol.

 

I think one should learn to gauge their parents before they think about it. Maybe not all parents can be "gauged" but certainly if your parents are traditional, conservative Chinese, don't go confessing against the odds thinking some miracle will happen. 

 

Sometimes I feel that it was better to have just kept things quiet and leave them guessing lol

[NorthEast23]

Different people experience differently: it's sensitive but let's share out our experience to all and to those who just discover the new them.

How does your family react,

What did your family do,

What happen now between you & family..

[hitchcube]

Do you have a coming out story to share? Gay SG Confessions is inviting you to submit your story, & stand to win a copy of  the book "I Will Survive: Personal gay, lesbian, bisexual & transgender stories in Singapore."

 

[nothandsome]

I didn't come out to my mom...

my mom came out to me....

she said, 

"we knew u r different long ago... u don like girls....

mummy struggled a lot eventually... i really cannot accept u r gay...

because there are so many negative impress on gays in our society!

but after reading many books from 欧阳文风 (she barely read but purposely search for it just for me)

i know it is alright... and it is completely natural...

i am telling u now because i don want u to hide from us...

i know hiding from ur family about something the society thinks is not nice.... can be a pain for u...

i am telling this cause i don wan this being gay issue to bother u... u have so much more to worry about...i know"

 

i love her

[FirsTimer]

nil

Edited March 21, 2014 by FirsTimer

[sportsboysg]

I have no fuckin idea what you are typing. Get your sentence and punctuations right, girl!

[Guest Likewhut]

I agree, I wonder what else his JC GP teacher thought of him...

[Guest Guest]

there's no need to lecture him on the standard of his English.

 

If you don't like it, don't read. 

[Blacque]

Congratulations on your coming out. I just thought that the gaming encounters were a bit irrelevant.

[Jekyll@hyde]

Firstimer , you need the right type of support.Not the negative one.

(and you don't have to apologize)

I encourage you to contact Oogachaga.com

Stay strong and happy.

[GachiMuchi]

I am happy for you that you found the real you. Denial is a bitch, it will eat at you and rip you up, worst when you have a strong religious believe. Glad that you finally able to see yourself for who you are albeit you still being a little immature. Hope you can be more relax and less anal about yourself now.

 

Here are my 2 cents on what you need to do for the immediate future :

 

1. Assure your mom, family, close friends, etc. that you are still you.  Nothing changes, just the fact that you had accepted yourself as being a gay person. And you are coming out of your depression or having suicidal thoughts. That you are ok and will be a better person, just different from them.

 

2. Coming out does not means you go and paint the town red.  What had stopped you to go wild was the denial of your orientation & your religious believe, but now after knowing who you are, you also need to know that being gay comes with itself other sets of "problems", e.g. promiscuity, sex, drugs, etc. 

 

3. Get back to your religion, if you are not comfortable or not accepted by your own church, you might want to try to attend a church that is more inclusive, e.g. Free Community Church. etc.

 

4. You need to plan your future, after your NS.

 

5. You seriously need to forgo those kiddish, Maple Story game lingo, facebook or SMS texting English, as you are no longer a boy.  And learn to express yourself better in more proper English, because when you go to work you will need to express yourself better so that your employer won't shake their heads when you write to them for jobs.

 

Good luck.

[sliceboy]

Congratulations. Don't let the ignorant Christians bring you down.

[FirsTimer]

Congratulations. Don't let the ignorant Christians bring you down.

 

lol damn funny but I still respect them lah

[FirsTimer]

I agree, I wonder what else his JC GP teacher thought of him...

 

What else would she think?

[Oogachagacare]

 

 

We have put together a  brochure for young people who are thinking of coming out, called "Coming Out to family for youth".

 

Some useful sections include:

 

- Some situations in which you may need to think twice before coming out

- FAQs by family

- Dealing with the bumps in the road

- When should you seek help?

- Who can help and how?

 

You can click on the image to access the online brochure, or click here.

 

You can also find out more about Oogachaga's services here.