Gay Coming Out Stories / videos / experiences - Family acceptance and the future (compiled)

[Cube3]

His wording could have been more politically correct, but his audience may be the straight parents more than the gay readership, hence the 'straight'-biased language. His point is that when parents (and the general public) react negatively, it is unnecessarily harmful and devastates relationships...which is true. Good parenting in Singapore still has a loooong way to go!

[Guest Guest]

He is just trying to cut down on his workload. Too many unaccepting stupid parents in singapore causing mental illness to his patients. Such a deeply self serving and cynical person trying to look enlightened or noble. 写了等于没写。It's sad that up til now this sort of crap article still gets spawned on the st. On the surface it may seen objective and even "progressive", but the obviously homophobic and condescending tone betrays the writer's state of mind. Coming from a director of imh, it's appaling but nothing surprising.

[Guest Guest]

His wording could have been more politically correct, but his audience may be the straight parents more than the gay readership, hence the 'straight'-biased language. His point is that when parents (and the general public) react negatively, it is unnecessarily harmful and devastates relationships...which is true. Good parenting in Singapore still has a loooong way to go!

Parents here basically still look at their offspring as a property and an investment, not a gift from god. Ironically, many such parents are christians too.

[HendryTan]

Some follow up letters to the ST on the above.

______________________________________________________

http://www.straitstimes.com/forum/letters-on-the-web/weakness-of-cited-study-on-brain-abnormality-in-gay-men

Weakness of cited study on brain abnormality in gay men

PUBLISHED NOV 26, 2015, 7:48 PM

Professor Chong Siow Ann wrote about the removal of homosexuality as a disorder by the American Psychiatric Association in 1973 and quoted the study conducted by neuroscientist Simon LeVay on brain abnormality in homosexual men to support his argument that biological factors play an important role in the development of sexual orientation ("Coming out: How parents react is crucial"; Nov 21 ).

However, the weakness of the LeVay study (Science 1991) is well known.

The study reported that the size of the third sub-group of the anterior hypothalamus nuclei in 19 heterosexual men were two times larger than those in 13 presumed homosexual men who died of HIV.

The study has never been replicated.

Even if the difference in size is truly statistically significant, the association does not mean causation.

The difference in size could be caused by HIV infection rather than the biological cause of homosexuality.

Furthermore, the boundary of the third nuclei is very indistinct, making precise measurements difficult.

To date, homosexuality is not known to be a chromosomal anomaly, like in Down syndrome, nor a Mendelian disorder, such as haemophilia.

Even the much-quoted Xq28 chromosomal linkage study (Hamer et al. Science 1993) has not been substantiated by a larger study (Rice et al. Science 1999).

Studies of twins by concordance rate and heritability have revealed that environmental factors are much more important than genetic influence. Research in sexual orientation also shows plasticity which is influenced by many social factors.

American psychiatrist Robert Spitzer, who championed the delisting of homosexuality in 1973, reported 30 years later lasting change in sexual orientation after re-orientation therapy (Archives of Sexual Behaviour 2003).

All these argue against Prof Chong's conclusion that homosexuality is an inborn characteristic which is involuntary in people.

William Yip Chin Ling (Professor)

__________________________________________________________________________________________

PROFESSOR CHONG SIOW ANN'S REPLY:

Professor William Yip Chin Ling has, unfortunately, taken a rather selective sampling of the extant and extensive published scientific literature to assert his view of the efficacy of re-orientation therapy.

He has given the view of a single psychiatrist, Robert Spitzer, who in 2001 had stated in a paper that it is possible that "highly motivated" individuals could successfully change from being homosexual to heterosexual.

Prof Yip has omitted to mention that the American Psychiatric Association then issued an official disavowal of this paper - stating that "there is no published scientific evidence supporting the efficacy of reparative therapy as a treatment to change one's sexual orientation".

Although the paper was subsequently published in 2003 in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, it was heavily criticised for the flaws in the study methodology.

There is a coda which Prof Yip is, perhaps, not aware of.

In an interview in 2012, Spitzer told the reporter of the magazine, The American Prospect, that he had asked for his paper to be retracted - admitting that he had by then agreed with his critics.

In his letter to the editor of the Archives of Sexual Behaviour to request the retraction of the article, he wrote: "I believe I owe the gay community an apology for my study making unproven claims of the efficacy of reparative therapy. I also apologise to any gay person who wasted time and energy undergoing some form of reparative therapy because they believed I had proven that reparative therapy works with some 'highly motivated' individuals."

[gstc82]

My very christian father told me he knew i was gay. Only my parents knew. Somehow, they 'accepted' me. They did not say they 'approve' but basically left me alone. They sometimes do ask me 2 get a gf..but thats about it. I continued to live with them, have dinner...nothing changed. I was lucky.

[Cube3]

Parents here basically still look at their offspring as a property and an investment, not a gift from god. Ironically, many such parents are christians too.

 

(Sigh)...Singapore churches have become marketplaces! :yuk:

[cutejack]

Not only churches.everywhere.

[Guest Guest]

(Sigh)...Singapore churches have become marketplaces! :yuk:

How much is one ounce of your love for god worth? Returns on investment is not guaranteed!

[Guest Guest]

(Sigh)...Singapore churches have become marketplaces! :yuk:

 

and business networking place.

[Guest guest]

The coming out story of Nic Lim, the admin of GLBT Voices (Gay Sg Confessions) just came out! Never knew he was sexually abused before!!!

 

Dear People,

Meet 35-year old Singaporean Nicholas Lim, who also happens to be the admin of GLBT Voices Singapore (GVS); the largest Singaporean GLBT community on Facebook!

 

When Nicholas was only 5-years old, he was sexually abused by various male figures in his childhood. The childhood sexual ‘happenings’ continued on till he was 7, when he finally moved back in to live with his parents. Nicholas kept silent on the issue for the next couple of years and only revealed them to his mother when he was 12.

 

The rest of the article: http://dearstraightpeople.com/2015/12/02/out-of-the-closet-nicholas-lim-shares-his-story/

 

[Guest Guest]

No wonder he was quite angsty and sensitive. So he was abused as a chid. Poor thing. Food dumoed on him and physical violence in school! The reason he was nastily bullied after being outed probably lies in him being in acs and he is straight looking and acting. If he was feminine the taunting and bullying wouldn't have had been that bad.

[FirsTimer]

I want to doit like a hobby. Discuss with families on what i've done - each sex moment or talk on each guy or girl basis

[Guest guest]

Coming out story of Scott Lai talking about HIV/AIDs:

 

Dear People,

 

Meet 25-year old Singaporean Scott Lai!

 

Growing up, Scott never really struggled much with his sexuality, largely because he never had the time to pay much thought to it. A competitive swimmer from young, Scott spent a large part of his childhood training in the pool. He would hit the pool at 530am for a morning session and return to the pool at 5pm for another session once he was done with school. The lack of personal free time meant that he was too preoccupied to have much time to explore his sexuality...

 

Rest of the article: http://dearstraightpeople.com/2015/12/24/out-of-the-closet-scott-lai-shares-his-story/

[Guest Ben]

I struggled a lot coming out to my wife and children

[Guest]

On 4 February 2016 at 1:47 AM, Guest Ben said:

I struggled a lot coming out to my wife and children

 

Then how did it go? Is it like caithlyn?

[Guest]

I feel very sorry for a family man coming out to their wife and children as gay. If you are a closeted queer, do not marry and have a family or don't come out at all.

[Guest]

My bf picks me up after work everyday.

Sometimes my colleagues ask who I'm waiting for and I don't know what to say. 

Sometimes they see my bf and ask who is he?

Should I say brother, cousin or friend?

Any other more believable suggestions?

[Guest Xian]

It depends on how you treat each other in public. If it looks suspicious that you are having gay relationship then better take it in the down low otherwise you can say he is your best bud.

[Guest]

I think all people should come out and says they are really stupid and being an idiot at most time ! But no ! They think they are really smarter than the other at most time ! 

[Guest]

On 13 February 2016 at 0:14 PM, Guest said:

My bf picks me up after work everyday.

Sometimes my colleagues ask who I'm waiting for and I don't know what to say. 

Sometimes they see my bf and ask who is he?

Should I say brother, cousin or friend?

Any other more believable suggestions?

 

Just tell them who he is. Be proud of your relationship and who you are

[Guest Fanboy]

New coming out story just published today... Of DJ Big Kid, whom I've always had a crush on hehe

 

Born to a typically conservative Asian family, having a gay son would be something too unfathomable for his parents. In a society which prides itself on appearances, Johnson felt like he had to keep up appearances so as to not disappoint his parents. So, throughout his secondary school and junior college years, Johnson tried dating girls in order to portray himself as best he could, as a typical skirt-chasing heterosexual male. More often than not however, his attempts at trying to be straight culminated in disastrous situations instead...

 

Continued: http://dearstraightpeople.com/2016/02/15/out-of-the-closet-johnson-ong-aka-dj-big-kid-shares-his-story/

[Guest]

Just be who you really are

[Guest]

Tell them he's your bf. Why is that so hard?

[Guest Burningflame]

17 hours ago, Guest said:

Tell them he's your bf. Why is that so hard?

 

Maybe he is not really serious about him.

[Guest]

Should be easy if you really love him

[Guest]

Coming out story of Dwayne Wang and his Ang Mo boyfriend. They are so sweet together!

 

Dear People,

Meet 28-year old Singaporean Dwayne Wang.

Currently in a stable long-term relationship with 24-year old Nicholaiv Villalobos, Dwayne and Nick have become the envy of gay singletons everywhere. Unabashedly open about their relationship, the Instafamous couple have almost 40,000 followers between them!

And no, their massive online following is not merely due to the fact that both of them possess an enviable set of abs.

Rather, it’s because they’re one of a handful of gay Singaporean couples who have no qualms about publicly acknowledging their relationship.

Rest of the story:

http://dearstraightpeople.com/2016/03/28/out-of-the-closet-dwayne-wang-shares-his-story/

[Guest SirEdwardDrew]

 

I want to start by sharing my personal coming out story. I have never film or done anything like this before. And to be honest, I was damn nervous during the process. While most of you would have seen my Facebook/Instagram post on National Coming Out Day, I wanted to take a step forward and share my coming out experience from an Asian perspective here in Singapore. I would like to apologize that the video is a little longer than expected, and at some points in the video, I was rambling on and on. There are also parts of the video that are a little dark and emotional. Nevertheless, I hope that you all will be able to relate and connect to something in this video, as I did, watching other coming out stories here on YouTube. 

Continue to stay strong, be brave and live an authentic life. 

Much love, 
Drew

[Guest Meh]

Love nowadays are not so important

[Oopiess]

On 2/13/2016 at 0:14 PM, Guest said:

My bf picks me up after work everyday.

Sometimes my colleagues ask who I'm waiting for and I don't know what to say. 

Sometimes they see my bf and ask who is he?

Should I say brother, cousin or friend?

Any other more believable suggestions?

risk assessment then:

1. do you have anyone you feel will likely treat you differently after you come out?

2. should you or do you care?

3. will it affect your work life negatively?

4. do you think your partner minds being called "your brother/ cousin"?

5. do you even want to keep up this farce, if so, how long can you maintain it?

6. is it worth coming out? evaluate your situation cause not everyone's situation is the same. 

 

ps. do what is right and makes you happy but dont blindly make decisions based on that. consider your options and talk it out with him before you make a decision on your own

everything isnt black and white (yes/no) its too grey, the people saying just come out or what dont know you (same goes for me) so think before you do anything cause it could be nothing, but it could also mean the world to you  good luck

[Kenji88]

I'm out to my family, hard for them to accept at first , but they accept my orientation eventually

 

Like this ads 

 

 

[jacko]

加油

[Guest Bonfire]

Congrats!

[Guest Hot Swimmer]

出柜成功 ^^

[fab]

imagine the father added 也。

[mantin30]

just wondering, why there are no coming out for girl who likes girl? or people bashing out those girl who likes girl?  I checked online gay male vs lesbian female population is more or less the same. why majority only targeted at gay man but lesser or to almost unheard of for lesbian woman?

 

[Guest Tomato]

This is a Taiwanese ad.

Thru this ad, you can see the level of expressiveness and its intensity of the Taiwanese despite being a Chinese society.

Then we look at Singapore.  People here either shouts, rough with words; or simply totally non-expressive and silent when it comes to communicating.  Even those whom are willing to communicate lack the refinement and grace of what one sees in other country.

This is the paradox of Singapore being a developed country (when the people are far from being developed socially and expressively).

 

[mantin30]

My friend even commented even when shooting vulgarities, the PRC people do it so gracefully

 

[Guest Jon]

Is it worth it to come out?

 

I have lived in my own bubble since forever. No one knew i was gay. No one knew i was hurting instead. No one knew i have suicidal thoughts everyday. I'm really tired...

[btmslut]

I sort of came out when I went for a run, and I came home to find my father looking through my laptop with heaps and heaps of gay porn. We never talked about it.

[GachiMuchi]

Hey guys, full video of Gay.Malaysia is out! J.K is going to share with us who he came out of closet, and how he met his other half. Some top and bottom tips as well, from the one and only JK.
(video with Mandarin sub will be released soon)

 

[Guest yoko panisu]

Incredibly stupid  for J.K  to come out and give out details of what you do physically in bed with another male guy.

 

Most people will leave Malaysia first , take out all the money , sell house, sell car and then find work in another country before making a public video about being gay and how much enjoying gay sex with another guy .

 

 

 

It is different to come out and sharing a coming out story about being gay, and when he felt feelings for another guy, it is okay to say you love someone,and to share at what age you have feelings for another guy, and your heartbreak. its all in the mind. You can have a conscience, and have feelings,'

 

 

 

 

but to say and admit you have gay anal sex in public is like an admission of guilt or having broken the law of carnal intercourse against the laws of nature which is still in the law books of Malaysia and Singapore.

 

Malaysia is a country that have seen several prominent people disappear mainly people who have been social activist that are perceived to be a threat to the incumbent political system.

 

This stupid guy above mentioned linking politics and sodomy, he said anwar  is straight and he is in prison, and also he mentioned being in an Islamic country 

 

implying that he himself  is gay and is free to walk the streets instead.     and also he mentioned being in an Islamic country 

 

This is incredibly stupid , as he is like challenging the authorities to investigate him, its like lighting fireworks in the night and letting the whole world know this J. K person   

 

is here.

 

 

This J.K . person was not counselled properly before sharing a very public video about being gay and admitting he has anal sex, it is incredibly stupid and incredibly damaging to his family putting his parents under the pressure of having to worry about their child being taken away in the middle of the night by Special Forces which exist .

 

In Malaysia , you can be tortured until blue black and beaten until bones broken and still cannot get a day in justice one.

 

Someone with high politicalstanding like that one he mentioned was taken away and then had to spend huge amounts of money to have a day in court 

 

 

Incredibly stupid.

 

He even showed a page from his handphone which authorities can trace, and everyone in those page who liked, commented, participated will be hauled in an investiagted and interrogated until everyone's contact number is released.

 

 

All it takes is someone who is religious to make a police report and then the ball will start rolling.

 

[Guest Blossoms from a shithole]

Malaysians really have some of the most backwards and shitty thoughts about gay people. Or have they achieved enlightenment before the equally shitty and backwards singaporeans?

 

The reason why he will expose himself this way and open himself up online as a gay malaysian is because he is a chinese and his family finally accepted him and his bf. Sharia laws doesnt apply to him even though he may look malay. To charge him of sodomy there has to be an accusing party or physical evidence.

 

 

[Guest Hmm]

I think we can all at least agree that it was brave of him to come out, especially in a country like Malaysia. 

 

I personally wouldn't have done so; doesn't seem like the wisest thing to do. Good that your family and friends have accepted you, but is the attention really necessary? Even if he is not Malay (and Sharia laws don't apply to him), he is opening himself up to a lot of potential trouble. I do hope for his sake that it was a calculated decision.

[Guest IDIOT]

What an idiot !

i wonder who is behind this whole hairbrain idea to tape this guy who is now a sitting duck .

WHO IS BEHIND THIS .

who is INSAN . What is INSAN?

nothing better to do ?

too much western bullshit gone into their tiny head ?

Asians need not do this kind of self declaring and  championing crap 

 

sad sad sad 

[Guest InsanMsia]

Whoa... Paranoid bit? How many LGBT activists in Malaysia have you counted to be hauled up by authorities and jailed? None. Back when Seksualiti Merdeka held their events at KL's Central Market (Pasar Seni), they were only stopped from doing so further without any much legal action. Gay Malays are very much in the open with all their profiles and groupings plastered over Facebook and in social media.

 

What is reported in the media is due to some play-hero NGOs cooking up a storm that was sensationalised by mainstream media for a while and some politicians just jumped on the bandwagon to make a publicity stunt on it (if not, these politicians will be forgotten). Some government ministry came up with a video competition on combatting LGBT, only to be withdrawn after some activist groups met up with the ministry.

 

One more thing, sodomy is not something charged under the sharia law only, it comes under the Penal Code, which is applicable to every Malaysian citizen. Remember, Malaysia and Singapore had the same colonial masters and this thing came from them. Enforced or not, will depend on if anyone reports about it and there is evidence. Otherwise, PDRM (Malaysian police) won't simply go about knocking on people's doors to check for sodomy. Anwar was convicted for such an offence as a political ploy to bring him down in the late 90s.

 

The scene in Malaysia is still there, not entirely oppressed. Similar to Singapore, people would rather close one eye and go around minding their own business, unless some kaypoh idiot tries to stir up shit and definitely the media won't hesitate to sensationalise it cos it's their rice bowl. The only difference is the lifestyle is more conservative here hence the authorities would wanna prevent any sort of clashes between the activists and the religious zealots. But otherwise, there is no prosecution of these activists yet. The only activists that may get into trouble to-date are those who are accused of proselytising Muslims, as propagating other religions to Muslims is against the Malaysian Constitution.

 

My take is this: If you do not know the situation in other countries, don't play clever making up stories of your own. And oh, "insan" basically means "person" or "human" (go brush up on your national language lah).

[barocco80]

51 minutes ago, Guest InsanMsia said:

Whoa... Paranoid bit? How many LGBT activists in Malaysia have you counted to be hauled up by authorities and jailed? None. Back when Seksualiti Merdeka held their events at KL's Central Market (Pasar Seni), they were only stopped from doing so further without any much legal action. Gay Malays are very much in the open with all their profiles and groupings plastered over Facebook and in social media.

 

What is reported in the media is due to some play-hero NGOs cooking up a storm that was sensationalised by mainstream media for a while and some politicians just jumped on the bandwagon to make a publicity stunt on it (if not, these politicians will be forgotten). Some government ministry came up with a video competition on combatting LGBT, only to be withdrawn after some activist groups met up with the ministry.

 

One more thing, sodomy is not something charged under the sharia law only, it comes under the Penal Code, which is applicable to every Malaysian citizen. Remember, Malaysia and Singapore had the same colonial masters and this thing came from them. Enforced or not, will depend on if anyone reports about it and there is evidence. Otherwise, PDRM (Malaysian police) won't simply go about knocking on people's doors to check for sodomy. Anwar was convicted for such an offence as a political ploy to bring him down in the late 90s.

 

The scene in Malaysia is still there, not entirely oppressed. Similar to Singapore, people would rather close one eye and go around minding their own business, unless some kaypoh idiot tries to stir up shit and definitely the media won't hesitate to sensationalise it cos it's their rice bowl. The only difference is the lifestyle is more conservative here hence the authorities would wanna prevent any sort of clashes between the activists and the religious zealots. But otherwise, there is no prosecution of these activists yet. The only activists that may get into trouble to-date are those who are accused of proselytising Muslims, as propagating other religions to Muslims is against the Malaysian Constitution.

 

My take is this: If you do not know the situation in other countries, don't play clever making up stories of your own. And oh, "insan" basically means "person" or "human" (go brush up on your national language lah).

well said!

[Guest Don play with wild animals]

Obviously, many in this discussion has their heads right about the self admission and thus recrimination part. Whether in Sg or My, the sharks and crocodiles have the upper hand in snapping anytime they like because they refuse to do away with their weapon 377 (like some illegal gang) while the legislators were very quick to remove oral sex as crime in Sg (because they engage in it and a scorned wife has the upper hand in divorce) 

[lovehandle]

quite interesting to watch

 

[cutejack]

7 hours ago, -Ignored- said:

quite interesting to watch

 

Nice.many cute guys especially the host.hehe

[lovehandle]

Felt so, too

i was agonizing where to post 

somehow this s the place i searched