Gay Coming Out Stories / videos / experiences - Family acceptance and the future (compiled)

[retri]

Hmmm, I'll just list it down in point forms:

1. You'll have to manage your expectations. Everyone's a different book. And each different book tells a different story. Hence, for you to expect the common saying to be true ("third time's a charm"), is actually an expectation that has no solid ground. Also, the first person whom you came out to, was a delight. Since it was a delight, it didn't go below your expectations. And so the story goes on and on, hope you get what I'm saying.

2. Now. The second person. He has his values and his beliefs. And he is telling you based on his belief system on who and what you should be, and who and what you should NOT be, and then, he pulls a trump card; the parents card. You can deceive your parents, but you can't deceive yourself. And, can you change? Can you turn straight? Chances are, most likely not. You can go on and Google about conversion therapy and all that, and you can be a judge of that (just in case if you're interested). And then, see if that person's advice is actually wise and something that you'd consider, or if you'd like to write your own story, and be a master of your sail.

3. As for you and the person, 2 further sub points:

i. Age gap, education background, status, likes, dislikes, almost everything about you guys is polar.

ii. You guys do like each other, genuinely.

Frankly speaking, if we're living in a fantasy world, true love will conquer all. Now, let's come back to the present. In reality, this still DOES happen. But, what are the chances? Your chances are only as good as your faith, determination, and hard work. In short, it depends on you, and him, to overcome the differences between both of you, to make it work.

I would suggest knowing him better, but make no commitments. Commitments can come later, it doesn't have to be now. If he is sincere, and if he is patient, you will be able to see that. If he is anything but, you will be able to see that soon, too.

I've come across very conservative people with a certain religious faith, who asked me, "why are you gay? Why do you choose to be this way? You can change!"

My one answer: "Because I only want to live my life truthfully, to myself, and to everyone. Thou shalt not lie, right? Are you asking me to be dishonest with myself? My family? My friends?"

Hope this helps. =)

[Guest Troy]

End of day, being together with someone have to be comfortable with him and not abt changing urself for him for most of the things. The factor to consider probably is the chemistry, communication and feelings...not of monetary and educational level. Of cox Im not saying ur colleague is wrong, but u got to understand end of day the root of BGR and BBR can be different.

A woman end of day probably looking for a man she might be marrying to...of cox financial value and educations means something to her. Guys and guys somehow different. dating can strike out eating at posh restaurants, buying expensive gifts etc. So financially secure may not be a criteria. Education level wise...well very subjective...somehow educations level wise might determine ur common topics and communications. Of cox once again I emphasized on MIGHT.

Look out for feelings more...and if u r a virgin to dating...dun rush...take ur time and have a longer frens relationship wif him before u decide. Who knows you might find someone thats able to click and makes u more comfortable along the way.

And for the V, well ...i doesnt wan to penalize her for her belief....anyway I think most gay men are trapped in a situation of either being a Filial son whom is a wimp who live a lie and ruin a woman's happiness or an unfilial son who cant fulfil the wishes of his parents but being upright and truthful in his life. Think abt it, theres isnt a win-win situation in any sense. Unless u could really convince urself to be a devoted husband and love ur wife forever and nvr had affairs with men behind her back...you shall have my support.

Anyway end of day, all what had said here and by ur frens are just suggestions and different pts of view.....its not law, dun be upset. The choice is in ur hands. Right or wrong only determine by u. listen to ur heart and let it choose the best option.

[Guest Troy]

pardon all my grammatical error...kind of sleepy...half gone...

Sorry some amendments...

And for the E, well ...i doesnt wan to penalize her for her belief....anyway I think most gay men are trapped in a situation of either being a Filial son whom is a wimp who live a lie and ruin a woman's happiness or an unfilial son who cant fulfil the wishes of his parents but being upright and truthful in his life. Think abt it, theres isnt a win-win situation in any sense. Unless u could really convince urself to be a devoted husband and love ur wife forever and nvr had affairs with men behind her back...you shall have my support.

End of day communicating comfortably is kind of impt, I believe if cant even communication properly, freely and comfortably..its gona end up wif a lot of issue. Just my 5 cents worth of thot. Im not telling you what to do, make ur own choice. Good or Bad. The man might worth all the trouble.

Nitez.

[Guest guest]

Hmmm.........imagine this......your potential other half was also seeking advice from his friend and his friend commented:

Kan Ni Na lah, Chao Chee Bye........ that type of Kam Lan face look us no up one lah.......play play Nian.....Ho Sim lah.....people eat Kan Tan one lah....Chee Bye............ Maybe he now thinking you want to cheat his money.....think he big fxxk...........Give up lah.......

Your friends think his low class, maybe he think you very high class with eyes on your head, he dare not go approach you.....Aiya, what are the attributes you look for in a man? And what do you see in him? If you want someone Rich, Speaks Queen's English etc, then what is there to consult, he is already not what you want.

If you need others to "convince" you of what is suitable for you, then you are quite sad and not ready.......

[beef4beef]

One of the world's highest rated rugby player, Gareth Thomas, in the world just came out a six months ago -

http://www.towleroad.com/2009/12/british-rugby-star-gareth-thomas-im-gay.html

Video clip - http://www.hbo.com/real-sports-with-bryant-gumbel/index.html#/real-sports-with-bryant-gumbel/episodes/0/159-june-22-2010/video/ep-159-gareth-thomas.html/eNrjcmbOYC5Uz89JccxLzKksyUwOSExP9UvMTdUsy0xJzYeJOufnlaRWlDDns0knlpbkF+QkVtqWFJWmsjGyMXIyMgIAblQXOA==

He would look for the hottest girl. So that they would say no to him.

He would pick fights with guys to hide being gay.

He would try all sorts of macho things to hide.

He even got married. Hoping to be able to 'convert' to straight.

But he kept going to the gay bars.

Finally he was fed up lying, hiding, he felt he was wasting his life away.

His true straights friends were so glad. They would rather have an honest friend.

Edited June 23, 2010 by beef4beef

[Mandrake]

I recognise that sometimes, we have to fight for what is ours. Other times, we must give up what we want, for the sake of others. Is this one of those times?

Question is, do you feel happy living what others expected of you. As in giving up what you want for the sake of others. Sacrifice is a beautiful virtue. But we are all foolish... who is to know if the sacrifice is for a necessary/worthy course at the very end. Unless we are God, we will know for sure. But of all things that we are unsure, we should strife to know what is right for ourselves at the very moment. If it is right for you now, you will feel happy that you have given. If you do not have what is expected to give. The giving would grief you and you will blame others and create more casualties.

Sometimes, we never know what we have and have not or even sure who we are... Our calculations may be off, so just know yourself better each day... even if you have to take the hard road. Be kind to yourself when you fall. No one can progress without kissing the dirt. It is our game to laugh at each other and compare how we fell. It is the riches(not only physical) that we gather that matters. It is who we become that matters.

-

-

Edited June 23, 2010 by Mandrake

[Utopaen]

Glad he came out, it probably was not good to be in his shoes.

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2010/01/13/gay-rugby-star-gareth-thomas-reveals-hes-looking-for-love/

and woof!

Edited June 23, 2010 by Utopaen

[snowball]

listen to your heart, as long you are honest & true with yourself.

Edited June 23, 2010 by snowball

[Guest guest]

Aiyo auntie.. how many times can you come out? 1st 2 times.. now 3rd time. People like you are just stirring shit and getting everyone involved.

[Guest lex19]

i just feel that at the end of the day it is the process that matters and not the outcome

but if u really would love to continue this relationship with the guy that u mentioned, then go for it yeah

u have my support yeah

we will never meet the perfect person in our life, we can only make it perfect ourself and at the end of the day....

it all boils down to what you u want in life

Ganbatte!!!

[Guest U]

This is not about V or E. It's all about you. If you yourself do not know what you want, what works and what does not work for you, then who knows? Some may say u lack the experience to find out the answers yourself. Then, this is a good start. The fact is you won't get the answers here because there are many broken relationships here if you read enough of this forum.

[Guest guest]

ignore all the advices...they mean to be good but mixed with own belief...eg if i were you, but not you.

listen to your heart, let your inner voice tell you

relationship it take two heart to click

it take body lanuguage to talk it out

if both dun have the click or chemistry..talk too much also waste time.

Our feeling should know what we want.

So listen to your heart, and let your soul flow to where it belong.

rich, poor ....don't guarantee you happiness.

education ...don't promise your true love too.

t

[Guest Guest]

only rich and intelligent can seed into my hole. enough said.

[Guest danite]

i think V is just concern for you and gave practical advice... thou abit on the jaded side

and take your time don't have to rush into a r/s methinks

[snowball]

only rich and intelligent can seed into my hole. enough said.

when he is more mature, will know that he is not the only one do the " picking ".

till now, i still wondering, what he mean by " but not as educated as I would like. "

Edited June 23, 2010 by snowball

[zcbm101]

Thanks for your advice guys. I know I'm young and don't have experience and some things need to be learned through experience. I think now I can take it easy and slow, no need to rush into anything. I can start finding out about myself ad what I really want.

--Snowball, when I mentioned "not as educated as I would like" I meant someone reaching my education level. I feel more comfortable talking to someone who is "along the same wavelength", someone who, for example, understands your jokes.

Anyway, thanks for your advice. It is good.

[don]

i just feel that at the end of the day it is the process that matters and not the outcome

but if u really would love to continue this relationship with the guy that u mentioned, then go for it yeah

u have my support yeah

we will never meet the perfect person in our life, we can only make it perfect ourself and at the end of the day....

it all boils down to what you u want in life

Ganbatte!!!

so you just leave me alone like that . I so sad that I was so worried about you since that day online

suddenly offline I dont know wat had happened if you feel that dont want to sms or msn me tell me stright away

and not sudden STOP like that. I'm sad n angry

[doncoin]

Thanks for your advice guys. I know I'm young and don't have experience and some things need to be learned through experience. I think now I can take it easy and slow, no need to rush into anything. I can start finding out about myself ad what I really want.

--Snowball, when I mentioned "not as educated as I would like" I meant someone reaching my education level. I feel more comfortable talking to someone who is "along the same wavelength", someone who, for example, understands your jokes.

Anyway, thanks for your advice. It is good.

You are still young and will get your heart broken a few times. Just keep in mind that each time the heart breaks, it also gives you clarity about what you want in a relationship, in a bf/partner.

You will want to be with someone whom you are compatible with. Compatibility can come in many forms, education, finances, hobbies, interests, etc. Figure out what are the qualities that are important to you, and ask yourself if you can live with or live without.

[Guest supsocks]

Thanks for your advice guys. I know I'm young and don't have experience and some things need to be learned through experience. I think now I can take it easy and slow, no need to rush into anything. I can start finding out about myself ad what I really want.

--Snowball, when I mentioned "not as educated as I would like" I meant someone reaching my education level. I feel more comfortable talking to someone who is "along the same wavelength", someone who, for example, understands your jokes.

Anyway, thanks for your advice. It is good.

It's pretty interesting reading your situation.

1. Re: Steady with the older dude. I would like to ask if you are into older men? It seems that most forumers are forgetting that some younger guys do indeed actively seek out much older guys. I also do understand your point on the 'language barrier'. I personally believe that most relationships are built on the foundations of trust and communication, granted that not all forms of communication are necessarily verbal, but I'm sure we still would like conversations to be as smooth and natural-feeling as possible.

2. Re: Colleague's advice; but before that, NSF with an outside job? =p I'm sure she means well, but she does make some valid points, while perhaps grossly exaggerated, but mostly valid in principle.

3. Re: Random lady's advice. Well, all I can say is that, I do hope you have siblings(!)...

...'cause that usually solves everything. If not, there's always adoption!

4. Lastly, steady with me imo!

(Do pardon the slight absence of coherency due to the massive lack of sleep that is plaguing me right now.)

[cracklesizzle]

hi all,

right now i'm still struggling to come out of the closet; so i need the advice of ppl who are already out in their lives

Do you only tell ppl you're gay when they ask? What happens when topics like relationships or girls surface to the conversation table?

Also, are you out at work? Or do you still maintain a facade a "straightness" (haa)

Thanks guys!!

[Guest xenophile]

hi all,

right now i'm still struggling to come out of the closet; so i need the advice of ppl who are already out in their lives

Do you only tell ppl you're gay when they ask? What happens when topics like relationships or girls surface to the conversation table?

Also, are you out at work? Or do you still maintain a facade a "straightness" (haa)

Thanks guys!!

I came out immediately after i found out i'm gay. Back then, it was to closest friends, then slowly, to whomever cares to know. I'm manly (most of the time) though my dress sense leaves some with suspicion. I didnt bother with what people see me as, as long as my friends are comfortable with it.

Before i enlisted, i decided to tell my mom, who eventually told my sisters. It was a hard decision to make, but i did it because i did not want my mom to find out from others. I wanted to remain open, honest, accepting.

All that change when I enlisted. For the first time in 3 years, i found myself needing to lie. I refuse to engage in dirty talk about girls and just labelled myself asexual. But as years went by, i readopted my "i dun care" stance. Till now, my camp mates may ask, but as a joke, as i appear to them to be manly. On facebook, all my aj clubbing photos, the shenanigans i get up to in the club, are plastered up for all to see. I guess because i do appear manly, and my vocabulary and my analogies tend to be a little sexist, or a little to sexual, noone can really look at me and say i'm gay.

So how out am i? I never really thought i was ever discreet. My friends all know (even the ones in the army), my family members know. My colleagues think i'm a crazy guy who even clubs at gay clubs (i never bother correcting that perception), and so far, i've never faced anything negative because of who I am.

[waterballoon]

I kinda made a mistake, cos when I 1st found out I was gay in secondary school, I did things that made everyone in the school, including the teachers know. So the thing was, I was mocked, ridiculed & despised by some people for 4 years.

Which is why currently, I am quite careful. I didn't let my poly classmates know I was gay until a year with them (but they knew it themselves, bleh girls & their intuition)...

If you ask me, I think it'd be fine to let your friends know. I mean of course you don't make a new friend & tell him/her that you're gay immediately, cos sexuality isn't something that determines a person, and it's certainly not something that people need to know about you immediately.

If your friends see you as a friend, they wouldn't mind (though the lame straight guy friends would crack jokes & do stupid things, but well they're boys)... Generally, I find that if you're a working adult, it might be hard since the older generation of people appear to be quite prudent about such things. If you're a teenager/youth, your female friends would take it the easiest (at least that's my experience), and at a certain age, like 18 or so, even the boys have a certain maturity so no one really mocks you for your sexuality anymore.

The most important thing is just come out when you feel ready. There's no guidelines or formulas for coming out of the closest, so... just do it when you're ready

EDIT: Btw, personally, family is the hardest bunch of people to come out to, considering they are your parents and all... but I think the same applies; tell them when you're ready. Like now, I don't feel ready at all so I'm not telling them yet lol.

And oh, just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't talk about girls! Seriously, I tell my other friends if there's a hot girl walking past & the last thing you wanna do is to limit yourself because of something that's a part of you.

Edited February 22, 2011 by waterballoon

[jamesg]

everyone except my parents know. I tell my friends that i like guys as much as i like girls. it isn't easy though, you will find that you dont have many friends especially guys because they cant accept the fact that you're gay and also thinks that all gays like all men.

[suckmenao]

hi all,

right now i'm still struggling to come out of the closet; so i need the advice of ppl who are already out in their lives

Do you only tell ppl you're gay when they ask? What happens when topics like relationships or girls surface to the conversation table?

it really depends on who asked and their intention of asking, also the surrounding...being asked in a mocking way in front of a very conservative and violent homophobic crowd and coming out would not be a very good idea...timing is very important! just tell them that you haven't found the right one for you if WDYHAG question emerged blah blah blah

Also, are you out at work? Or do you still maintain a facade a "straightness" (haa)

when i was working...my ex colleagues kinda know, even my most recent ex boss (i think he must have fantasized of doing me in my cubicle)...they're okay with it because i am very outgoing, performing outstandingly at work, and not the kind of person you can bring down with words and behavior...i'm TEH BITCH

Thanks guys!!

I brought a guy back home to meet my mom and sis and the guy is very wonderful in many ways. No parents would be jumping with joy to find out their kid is gay, but at least you gotta introduce a not less than decent guy to them if you're serious about it. The key is to come out when you have a very good reason to. You know...coming out with style kinda thing. They love me no less and I am now relieved.

[Guest Guest]

I came out of closet during Uni because I was mixing with a gay crowd most of the time.

After I lost touch and dwelled myself in the straight working old, I find myself hiding back into the closet.

There is really no need to announce to the whole wide world I'm gay, that is not all there is about me.

But if they do find out, like if they spot me with my bf in the street or etc and if they asked me about it, I'll be honest, otherwise I don't really think there is a point in announcing to the whole wide world that I'm gay.

[Guest Guest]

To me, gayness is a private matter. I do not owe anyone to declare it.

Some like my married platoon mates wanted to find out bcoz they are keen to have some fun with you.

They are very touchy-feely, touch my chest and one asshole(married with 2 children) even grab my dick in front of the whole platoon.

The more you want, the more I do not give in. It's sort of frustrate them.

Collegues, worst. They could not beat you at work so they r trying to find out your gayness to use against u personally.

I had a straight colleague whom I suspect is bi cause he kept sending me explicit pics to arouse me. No way, Jose.

Better to keep to yourself.

[Guest Come Out?]

Whether I want to come out depends on the person I knew best and also how the question was being praised. I have an auntie who asked me this question but with bad intention of making fun out of it with me and on my family, than I have to lie to her I am straight and have no money to think of marriage. I have a best friend who asked me similar question but with added caution not to hurt me and filled with sincere assurance, than it is up to me to tell her the truth and the asurrance that gay are also "normal" and harmless people. Coming out experiences need to be very tactful, not like you can tell any people you want and feel proud for coming out - the risk of back-fire is high if you know what I meant.

[Guest SortaOut]

I am out to my father not because I tell him but because he saw me with printouts from Utopia website when I go travelling.

I am out to my boss at work because we bumped into each other in a gay bar.

[doncoin]

I am completely out. My whole family knows, including extended. So far everyone is pretty accepting. I was out in Uni, and then when I started working. I never felt the need to deny who I am. At the end of the day, judge me by my character not by whom I choose to to sleep with. Where I work, I encourage an honest and open environment for my team. We are very gay-friendly and diverse business.

[Clickclock]

Im extremely discreet, cept for the fact that some of my friends know it, thats just one ore two.

im planning to come out once i have a stable job and finished my education, so should my parents disown me or remove their support, i can still move on.

[Guest alien]

everyone except my parents know. I tell my friends that i like guys as much as i like girls. it isn't easy though, you will find that you dont have many friends especially guys because they cant accept the fact that you're gay and also thinks that all gays like all men.

True, i think guy wld probably can't accept the fact tht his guy friend is gay. And also dun understand how come if u tell pple u r gay, all pple wld think i will like all men in this earth!

[Guest manlybi]

trust me, this society is not so tolerant,

do you disclose to straight guys/gals, even they told u they accept gay, but very soon, u see they try to avoid you and they gossip abt you too

hi all,

right now i'm still struggling to come out of the closet; so i need the advice of ppl who are already out in their lives

Do you only tell ppl you're gay when they ask? What happens when topics like relationships or girls surface to the conversation table?

Also, are you out at work? Or do you still maintain a facade a "straightness" (haa)

Thanks guys!!

[doncoin]

trust me, this society is not so tolerant,

do you disclose to straight guys/gals, even they told u they accept gay, but very soon, u see they try to avoid you and they gossip abt you too

I always wonder what is there to talk about? The thing that puzzles me is the pettiness and just the level of bitchiness. I have heard unfortunate incidents like the ones you've mentioned from friends whom suddenly became the subject of gossip. If me being gay bothers you, then perhaps we shouldn't be friends. A true test of friendship is acceptance, not tolerance.

On the bright side, with all the gossip, sometimes it is amusing to hear how exaggerated things got- i.e. sex life, always travelling overseas, kept boy etc. If you listen carefully and filter what is said about you, you will realise the bulk of it is envy.

[Guest Dick head]

Being closeted is like keeping your dick hidden under your pants. How out are you depends on how much you want your dick to be seen...in public.

My 2cts dick brain.

[Guest manlybi]

tolerance means acceptance and suppportive

I always wonder what is there to talk about? The thing that puzzles me is the pettiness and just the level of bitchiness. I have heard unfortunate incidents like the ones you've mentioned from friends whom suddenly became the subject of gossip. If me being gay bothers you, then perhaps we shouldn't be friends. A true test of friendship is acceptance, not tolerance.

On the bright side, with all the gossip, sometimes it is amusing to hear how exaggerated things got- i.e. sex life, always travelling overseas, kept boy etc. If you listen carefully and filter what is said about you, you will realise the bulk of it is envy.

[Guest Bankai]

I brought a guy back home to meet my mom and sis and the guy is very wonderful in many ways.... The key is to come out when you have a very good reason to. You know...coming out with style kinda thing. They love me no less and I am now relieved.

I really admire your guts...I'm still in the closet!

[MlyGuy1975]

I am not fully out of the closet (collegues & most family members) but quite a few of my friends know I am gay. I chose who I want to be out to because not everybody can accept homosexuality in their midst. I guess it makes them uncomfortable in different ways. I fully understand that. My sister knows because I came out to her. When I was younger, I was afraid of being found out (like everybody else). As I grew older and more rebellious, I developed that 'heck care' attitude and shoved my sexuality in people's faces. But now as a more mature adult, I find that I don't have to tell anyone as it is none of their business anyway (unless they wanna bed me!) what my sexual preference is. Many young guys have asked me the same question you asked and this is what I tell them:

"Come out of the closet as and when you want to, whenever you are ready to. No one should make you feel that you MUST be out in order to be happy. No one is allowed to force you out of your comfort zone in this particular situation. Be who you want to be first and be happy about it. Your happiness and self-worth is your priority and no one elses. When you achieve that, come out of the closet when you're comfortable with the situation and to the person(s) you are comfortable disclosing it to. Come out with dignity, not with resentment "

Hope that helps. But do step out every once and a while, cos it's really nice out here, rather than in there.

[IamAlex]

I'm a BI but I'm so afraid of scrutiny I just tell people that I'm straight

[fab]

I dont see the need to come out of the closet, be it to family or friends, especially not colleagues, when there is no reason to.

I know of this lady ex colleague who claims to be a fag hag, but behind her gays friends, she condemns and call them names as cock-suckers, faggots etc.

[Angelic]

Are you closeted or openly gay?

Can you still count how many person in this world knows that you are gay?

[trip]

Are you closeted or openly gay?

Can you still count how many person in this world knows that you are gay?

I can't, cuz all users in this forum know i'm gay XD

[suckling_pig]

I told my parents when I was 16. I was going through a very bad guilt complex for months. Didn't want to go out of house. Just stayed in house and moped alot. Cried alot too. Then I came out to my parents and family.

It was one of the best things I ever did. Glad that now I don't have to hide, don't give a fxxk what any straight person thinks of me. I don't go around shouting that I am gay, but won't bother concealing it either.

SP

[mango_juice]

I can't, cuz all users in this forum know i'm gay XD

Haha but they dun know u in person ?

For me is 0... But some pple might have guessed...

[trip]

Haha but they dun know u in person ?

For me is 0... But some pple might have guessed...

then more than 10 in reality...

[PaterTenebrarum]

Lots. Am not closetted and will never date one who is.

Edited July 29, 2011 by PaterTenebrarum

[geronimo]

Lots. Am not closetted and will never date one who is.

That rules me out.

It's deep, dark and musty where I am.

[qedcwc]

Aside the gay frens i oledi knew and/or met, i've only been out to one old fren, and that was yesterday.

[Blacque]

I'm out to 5 campmates and 4 school mates, all of whom are my close friends (: NOT my family members... yet (I guess)

[boyzbe81]

Other than those that I know are gay or bi that I know.

Straights that I am officially out to are 2 cousins, 2 old friends, 1 god-bro and 2 soccer buddies.

[stars]

All my friends, some of my relatives.