Gay Coming Out Stories / videos / experiences - Family acceptance and the future (compiled)

[descca]

I don't feel a sense of freedom, just so awkward ... My mom is not accepting it yet cause she thinks it might be cause by puberty and my dad hasn't said anything about it . I just hope it will get better

How old are u?

[oxymorons]

I don't feel a sense of freedom, just so awkward ... My mom is not accepting it yet cause she thinks it might be cause by puberty and my dad hasn't said anything about it . I just hope it will get better

it will, trust me. just don't do anything silly ok? my parents had about the same reaction as yours. just go on with life as you normally would.

in a way, you have to show them that you are still their son no matter what, that being gay doesn't change anything and it's not their fault. the only the exception in you is that you like men instead of women.

[SeannyShortcake]

Wut hormonal imbalance.

Hormonal imbalance is when you start developing big breasts and an extremely high vocal range.

Welcome to the club and don't feel weird about it. At least you got it off your chest.

[Guest DarylKJ]

it will, trust me. just don't do anything silly ok? my parents had about the same reaction as yours. just go on with life as you normally would.

in a way, you have to show them that you are still their son no matter what, that being gay doesn't change anything and it's not their fault. the only the exception in you is that you like men instead of women.

well... Thanks for your support!! I really appreciate it. I just needed someone to talk to. <3

[Guest DarylKJ]

Thanks everyone !!! I really appreciate it !!! This is something big and new Im experiencing and I just need someone to talk to

[100Pipers]

I don't feel a sense of freedom, just so awkward ... My mom is not accepting it yet cause she thinks it might be cause by puberty and my dad hasn't said anything about it . I just hope it will get better

It may, it may not, but heck...there's no turning back anyway. You've had the courage to come out to your loved ones (kudos to that), I am sure you will be brave enough to face whatever that's coming. Cheers!

[Guest DarylKj]

It may, it may not, but heck...there's no turning back anyway. You've had the courage to come out to your loved ones (kudos to that), I am sure you will be brave enough to face whatever that's coming. Cheers!

CHEERS !!!

[juzabishanguy]

^{Ya loh...u can come out le...i can even begin to imagine what would happen if i told MY folks...}

[oxymorons]

well... Thanks for your support!! I really appreciate it. I just needed someone to talk to. <3

no problem man, don't think too much about it, you were born this way baby.

[gstc82]

you are brave. please take one step at a time, your parents may not like you to bring your bf home and they may not accept your bf like a gf. well, at least they know your orientation. my parents told me they knew i am gay, they know i am in a long term relationship but i am afraid my dad will never accept my partner:(.

[Guest DarylKJ]

no problem man, don't think too much about it, you were born this way baby.

i wish I could just play that song for them and they'll just get it ....

[Guest DarylKJ]

you are brave. please take one step at a time, your parents may not like you to bring your bf home and they may not accept your bf like a gf. well, at least they know your orientation. my parents told me they knew i am gay, they know i am in a long term relationship but i am afraid my dad will never accept my partner:(.

I'm not I a relationship yet but I do hope that I would one day find the one and that my parents would accept it ... It seems like everybody's dad so...

[Spencer]

great! but it seem your family isnt recieving it very well? lets just hope your dad didnt call up a psychologist and schedule meetings for you

[Guest DarylKJ]

great! but it seem your family isnt recieving it very well? lets just hope your dad didnt call up a psychologist and schedule meetings for you

my mom said she wanted to.... (in a good way) I think ?!!!?

[doncoin]

Good for you in coming out and living in truth of who you are. Remember this: You are not responsible for how your parents feel.

As a son, you've opened up yourself to them by telling the truth about who you are. You've done your job by sharing with them the truth instead of spending the rest of your life lying and creating more lies to hide who you are for fear of rejection.

Your parents are adults, and can manage their emotions. They can handle your honesty in a positive way or they can choose to reject who you are and be negative about it. Either way, as their son, you've done nothing wrong but tell the truth. You've shared with them who you are.

Here's my take about parents wanting you to see a psychologist. In light of the situation, perhaps the one who really needs therapy is the parent in denial. She is the one not managing the reality well. Homosexuality is not a mental condition. Major denial is. Ask yourself when has telling the truth ever been a mental condition?

The reality is if your parent does not want to deal with the truth and reality and choose to be in denial, there is nothing you can do about it, unless you decide to be altruistic and be an accomplice to their denial by hiding the truth of who you are to them.

The parent with denial issues is not going to change how he or she feels overnight. It will take time. The day will come when she/he realises you are actually happy with your life, and that's when they get it.

Remind your parents, being gay is just a tiny aspect to who you are as their son. You still the same boy, and whatever path you choose to be happy, at some point, your parents have got to respect your decision, if they want to be in your life. You are not defined 100% by your sexuality.

Edited December 15, 2011 by chelseasian

[Guest DarylKJ]

Good for you in coming out and living in truth of who you are. Remember this: You are not responsible for how your parents feel.

As a son, you've opened up yourself to them by telling the truth about who you are. You've done your job by sharing with them the truth instead of spending the rest of your life lying and creating more lies to hide who you are for fear of rejection.

Your parents are adults, and can manage their emotions. They handle your honesty in a positive way or they can choose to reject who you are and be negative about it. Either way, as their son, you've done nothing wrong but tell the truth.

Here's my take about parents wanting you to see a psychologist. In light of the situation, perhaps the one who really needs therapy is the parent in denial. She is the one not managing the reality well. Homosexuality is not a mental condition. Major denial is. Ask yourself when has telling the truth ever been a mental condition?

The reality is if your parent does not want to deal with the truth and reality and choose to be in denial, there is nothing you can do about it, unless you decide to be altruistic and be an accomplice to their denial by hiding the truth of who you are to them.

The parent with denial issues is not going to change how he or she feels overnight. It will take time. The day will come when she/he realises you are actually with your life, and that's when they get it.

I understand my mom's intentions of asking me to see a phychiatrist. She just wants to make sure Im thinking straight (properly), if I'm affected by anything that make me think like this. I don't blame her ...

[oxymorons]

as I was saying, don't think too much about it. don't bring up the topic too much, since anyway you've already said your peace.

if you mother urges and insists that you go for therapy, do not fight back. listen to her and just go with a positive attitude.

after all those sessions, you know who you are. no one can define your identity.

chances are it will not change you and in time (let's hope sooner than later) your parents will come to terms with it.

lol i sound like an advice columnist giving the model textbook answer, but that is how it is, and be happy, you've already cross the first hurdle of coming out.

[Guest DarylKJ]

as I was saying, don't think too much about it. don't bring up the topic too much, since anyway you've already said your peace.

if you mother urges and insists that you go for therapy, do not fight back. listen to her and just go with a positive attitude.

after all those sessions, you know who you are. no one can define your identity.

chances are it will not change you and in time (let's hope sooner than later) your parents will come to terms with it.

lol i sound like an advice columnist giving the model textbook answer, but that is how it is, and be happy, you've already cross the first hurdle of coming out.

thanks for the advices!!! U guys really made me feel better !!!! <3

[Guest Uncle]

Be prepared for some negative reactions sometime down the road e.g. your mum complaining of u not being able to get married and have children etc...but take it in stride and stay positive.

[derryfawne]

I have been discussing this issue with some people recently. Imagine this scenario:

A moves in to the university hall and is allocated B as a roommate. B has shown tendency to be liberal-minded and gay-friendly, and with that, A collects enough courage to reveal his sexual orientation to B a few semesters later. B says he is okay with gays, but believing that A should have told him about his sexual orientation from the very beginning, B decides to move out due to trust issue. In short, B feels betrayed.

How do you think this issue should have been handled? Maybe anyone has similar experiences to share?

And how do you think you should best come out to a roommate? Upfront? After fostering a good enough friendship with each other? Perhaps never, unless certain things urge you to?

What do you think about this issue?

The way I see this issue, it seems to be a clash of two rights.

1. B's right to who he wants to share his personal space with. One may or may not have discriminatory issue, but after all is said and done, one reserves the right to make a choice out of whatsoever factors he wish to consider.

A possible analogy is to imagine that you are a girl and you discover that your roommate turns out to be a guy all these while. Your roommate might have been good, he might have executed his responsibility not to do anything on you, and he may even have his legit understandable reasons to pretend as a girl; but any girl in that position would have prefer that such a sensitive information be made known to her. ("Yeah, I understand. But just find some another girl who doesn't mind to room with him, not me.")

2. A's right to his personal information. We all understand the issue of coming out and how difficult of an effort it is; all the more if the disclosure of such information may unfairly put us on a disadvantaged position in the society.

Thoughts, please?

Edited December 29, 2011 by derryfawne

[Magicerife]

er, what's the issue? A's upset that B moved out and he might lose a friend? B rat on A when he had to account for moving out? If A has no issue with B moving out upon coming clean, and B feels the need to, all's well that ends well what.

nonetheless, i dont know what was the exact reason that motivated A to spill. i personally wouldnt even if the other party seemingly has no adverse reactions toward homosexuality. just because i know eating chocolates triggers release of endorphins doesnt mean i need to binge on chocolates for every meal eh? that can cause obesity or dental caries instead. unless he thought spilling would give him a go with B... i personally dont see how telling another person will help him lead an easier life. so that he can do the "gay" stuff that he would have to otherwise suppress doing, like watching males making out in pxxno? spilling to the roomie wouldnt necessary let A lead his "gay life" either.

the way i see it, it's more making a mountain out of a molehill with over-thinking. just my thought though. good luck to A; losing a friend isnt a biggie since those genuine ones wouldnt have left in the first place. getting exposed, if B's that unethical, and having his uni life affected thereafter would be a greater deal. seen loads of such crap happening during my 1year stay in hall. hope you aint him.

[Blissfull]

I think if he wants to come out, he has to risk certain factors like the roommate leaving/friendship lost/etc.

[qedcwc]

Ever heard of the saying: humans tend to be selfish (人是自私的)?

Communication is always a two-way thing. B may have wanted trusted A to tell him his sexual orientation but can A trust B not to out him unnecessarily considering the conventionalities surrounding the homosexual phenomenon?

I do think that B is not putting himself in A's shoes by acting like that.

Everyone has his own future to protect, what guarantee does one have by simply revealing his sexual orientation to someone whom he just got to know and is totally different from his?

Furthermore, during the stay before the coming out, did A pose a threat to B?

It is a generally-known fact that homosexuals are forever the minority, and minorities are easily subject to the majority's prejudice.

Instead of showing support to a minority who has his own concerns, the majority shuns him over something he deemed as trust issue.

So the friendship built over that few semesters gets cut just like that?

Really, if he is okay with gays, he could have displayed an attitude that is more magnimanous.

I currently am staying with a roommate who's straight, younger than me by two years and has a girlfriend.

Initially, i just behaved straight-acting with him.

It was not until an early weekend morning when i got a hard-on and was basically touching myself under the blankets, while browsing the pxxn photos in my handphone.

As his bed was just next to mine, i turned around briefly to see if i had woken him up.

To my surprise, there was also some movement under his blankets and he was watching something on his phone as well.

I took a peek and lo and behold! (straight) pxxn action video!

I gently picked up a corner of his blanket and he was jerking off a woody already.

He was totally unabashed. I then decided to join him for a mutual jo. Hehehe....

Later i found out that he had already suspected me being gay due to the Singapore Guys Calendar i bought hanging on the wall. Oops...

He was totally okay with it.

He even has gay pxxn among his collection as well! GAWD!

But because this cute chap had quite a toned body, it kinda ended up in me lusting to make out with him each time he's down to just his shorts, freeballed.

And he always relented. Guessed he needed a release as well. XD

Only two nights ago, we were at it again, while watching one of my collection downloaded via PlanetRomeo.

He came first. I came much later.

After i went to the bathroom to clean myself up and returned to the room, he was jerking off for the second time to another video! This guy is really DAMN horny. Hahahahahaha......

And after that night, i developed a major bout of fever......

[derryfawne]

Thanks for the responses.

It's true that A should realize the inevitable consequences of coming out. I have not elaborated myself clear enough, but the issue in question is not the consequence, which is obviously there. The question that gets shaped out of this is more like, "Keeping in mind of the consequences, how do you best come out to a roommate?"

Come out too early before you build enough friendship with him and he might treat you differently afterwards. Come out too late and he might feel betrayed.

As an additional issue for discussion: in the aftermath of this situation, do you think A should continue staying in hall or should he just leave after this painful experience? And if he does stay on, what should he do in the future?

And @Magicerife: No, I'm not him.

[Blender88]

I gently picked up a corner of his blanket and he was jerking off a woody already.

He was totally unabashed. I then decided to join him for a mutual jo. Hehehe....

Later i found out that he had already suspected me being gay ...

He was totally okay with it.

He even has gay pxxn among his collection as well! GAWD!

But because this cute chap had quite a toned body, it kinda ended up in me lusting to make out with him each time he's down to just his shorts, freeballed.

And he always relented. Guessed he needed a release as well. XD

Only two nights ago, we were at it again, while watching one of my collection downloaded via PlanetRomeo.

He came first. I came much later.

After i went to the bathroom to clean myself up and returned to the room, he was jerking off for the second time to another video! This guy is really DAMN horny. Hahahahahaha......

Wow. You are very lucky to be sharing space with such a lovely guy. Straight and a little bit bi.

He accepts your lust for his toned body and lets you play when he is feeling horny.

Enjoy this period of your life and make the most of it!

Do nice, helpful things for him whenever you can. That way you can make sure the friendship will last.

Maybe later when he is married, you will still be good friends who J/O together - it's not unusual!

[Magicerife]

Thanks for the responses. It's true that A should realize the inevitable consequences of coming out. I have not elaborated myself clear enough, but the issue in question is not the consequence, which is obviously there. The question that gets shaped out of this is more like, "Keeping in mind of the consequences, how do you best come out to a roommate?" Come out too early before you build enough friendship with him and he might treat you differently afterwards. Come out too late and he might feel betrayed. As an additional issue for discussion: in the aftermath of this situation, do you think A should continue staying in hall or should he just leave after this painful experience? And if he does stay on, what should he do in the future? And @Magicerife: No, I'm not him.

i would think that weighing the consequences and the need to come out together seems more appropriate. you could have considered all the consequences and feel all cool with it and viola, what if there was no need to subject yourself to such aftermath of the confession in the first place? arent we all programmed to work on a need to know vs good to know basis since young?

you havent told us how "painful" A feels. in fact, does A feel any pain at all? we're not aware of the repercussions post-confession. nth for us to gauge and conclude whether he should leave or not. that said, dirty linen never stay contained. even if he does leave hall, the past will continue to haunt him elsewhere. in his own faculty perhaps.

[qedcwc]

Wow. You are very lucky to be sharing space with such a lovely guy. Straight and a little bit bi.

He accepts your lust for his toned body and lets you play when he is feeling horny.

Enjoy this period of your life and make the most of it!

Do nice, helpful things for him whenever you can. That way you can make sure the friendship will last.

Maybe later when he is married, you will still be good friends who J/O together - it's not unusual!

Oh, we have alwiz been helping out each other.

I gave him a mug of hot plain water when both of us were coughing non-stop in d middle of d nite (either he infected me or i infected him, i dunno).

He'd sumtimes shares his titbits with me.

I dun touch ppl who are married, really.

He's not the first straight i played with.

Back during schooldays, a few of us would toy each other's genitals.

Some of them have gotten married or hitched up, i juz feel happy and hope the best for them.

[Guest d]

as a person who has suffered the negative consequence of telling your university roommate that you are gay, personally i feel that you are better off not telling your roommate that you are gay. unless your roommate has gay friends, no matter how open minded is he or how close you are with your roommate, there is no 100% guarantee that the outcome would be ideal, that your roommate will accept you for who you are.

my ex-roomate was angry with me because he feel that he has the right to know that i am gay before entering into an agreement with him as roommate, just like he has to right to know that he is living with a leper or a criminal. but hell with morality and responsibility when he disregarded your right not to be harmed even when you ultimately decided to tell him who you truly are.

as long as homophobia is socially acceptable, there will always be risk involved for both parties when a person decided to come out to another person. in my opinion, the risk for the gay person is always larger. for the straight roommate, he may only experience a 'breach of trust' and a sense of disgust that he is living in the same quarters with a homosexual. but for you as the gay person, you may not only lose a friend, he may even turn against you by telling the whole world that you are gay with no regards to your rights to privacy.

as such, with odds against us, i see no reason why you should tell others that you are gay at all. even when you decide to be honest, you can't expect people to answer your good intentions with a good response. if you do decide to come out to your roommate, you have the consequences to bear with yourself, together with the possible risks involved.

and to answer derryfawne's question on "Keeping in mind of the consequences, how do you best come out to a roommate?", i still feel that there is no reason to come out with your roommmate, even if you are very close with him, unless he is known to have gay friends. if he can accept his gay friends, it is very likely that he can accept you. and for timing wise, i feel that there not much difference between telling him upfront when you approached him to be roommmates and tell him later after you have fostered a close friendship with him, when ultimately he will still be offended.

[keyboard]

Lengthy but interesting points most raised. First thing that came to mind was, maybe it isn't trust but fear that you might drug him or rape him instead?

Who wouldn't think twice after finding out your roommate is a serial killer/criminal/murderer/drug addict/kidnapper/torturer/mentally unstable/lesbian/gay the list goes on. Trust issue? not likely, just phobia. Being open-minded does not mean I enjoy being sexually fantasized or unknowingly touched in my sleep.

IF, roomie A has been open to roomie B before signing the agreement to be roommates, how would B react after hearing A is gay? Most things are best left unsaid and discreet at all stages in life (my guage is perhaps the time when same-sex marriage is legalized in singapore, then my opinion might change).

I'm fine with singles citizens being able to own their own flat under BTO also can (and not having to pay 30 years and with no retirement fund).

[Athlete79]

I told my would-be room mate that I was gay the moment he suggested to share a room with me, to save cost in Uni year two.

But I told him because I was 90% sure he'd accept me for who I am, and also because I didn't want to go back to a room at the end of the day only to have to lie and hide stuff.

Turned out, he was totally cool with it, and almost a decade later, we're so close that I'll be his best man next year.

I wish all the would-be room mates good luck and may you boys find true friendship in your hostel years!

[demonkey]

My roommates were the first people that I ever came out too, and while one of them was very homophobic, all were accepting and nothing changed afterwards (incl. the walking around half naked and the dirty jokes - things that I was scared that would disappear...) I think it's best to foster a friendship first before sharing such intimate secrets (unless you're like completely out, which I am not) to avoid bad consequences that will ultimately hurt you. Imo when you've fostered a friendship, your friend (especially younger ones in hostel/uni...) is more likely to be open and accepting although he may still be homophobic (that's my friend)..

[ss11ww]

I made my bunk mate swear some deadly oath before i told him that i was gay. He gave me the WTF look and ask me if i was kidding.

The thoughts of the rights issue or the consequences never crossed my mind when i broke the news to him. I guess i just want someone in camp to be my friend, chat with me for who i truly am.

[Baloo]

This was an incredible video...

http://youtu.be/TdkNn3Ei-Lg

http://youtu.be/vC5TaPzuMKg

[dipncream]

[daydreamingfish]

1) I first came out to my best friend of 7 years (since Sec 1 and counting) on 27th Jan 2011. I was 18 going on 19.

It was a variety of factors why I wanted to tell someone. There was Glee...there was uplifting news about homosexuality...I'm sure there were other reasons but I can't remember! But it was secret that I held for years (idk, since I was 11?) and I felt that if I didn't tell someone, I would have burst. I thought it would be good to have someone to share my thoughts with and I thought about it for days of what could happen and I was ready to take a risk. She being my best friend and one I could trust...I came out to her and she accepted me the way I am.

2) A few days or a week later, I told my sister. Being the cool and open-minded sister she is, she gave me a hug and told me it's ok and that she still loves me the same.

3) On 8th Feb 2011, I told my closest friends when we met for a last dinner together before one of them enlisted after much consideration and they were all ok with it.

4) I told a fraction of my poly clique. Despite the eyeball-popping and the jaw-dropping, it was all good.

5) I came out to my mum and brother at the dining table during lunch on 25th May 2011. It was awkward and they thought I was shitting them. Somehow, I believed they knew I was serious but it was just hard to swallow. I left for school in a sombre mood. It was a few days later that I told my mum a second time to let her know I meant it, reassured her that I am still me and I would be safe, careful and not sleep around...etc. etc. I don't think my brother really cares though...but maybe one day I would pluck up the courage to tell it to him in person again and to get an answer.

My dad however, should be kept in the dark for a longer time...

A few times, he said my hand looked like a woman's hand just because I kept forgetting to trim them.

He made jokes that I want him to talk like a sissy when I told him to stop yelling/talking so loudly.

The tone and look on his face when he mentioned a son of a cousin of his not wanting to get married because he like men.

Yup, he's a typical Chinese father.

Nevertheless, I count my blessings to have people I can turn to and I know this is considerably lucky to others out there...perhaps to want more to be greed...but I hope one day, I can have the acceptance of my whole family one day. If I ever have the luck to be in love and be loved by a fish swimming out there, I wish I could introduce him to my family. Hahaha!

[luke84]

i came out to this particular friend of my, secondary class mates for 4 years and then continued to keep in contact as we moved on to different jc and units in army.

anyway, it was just one dinner event during our army days, he drove me and another friend home.

after my friend alighted, it was only me and him. I've been wanting to tell him the past few years and hence i guess the timing is right.

anyway, he replied" what do you expect me to do?"

i said, "nothing, just to let you know."

he said ok and i never heard from him anymore.

[mango_juice]

i came out to this particular friend of my, secondary class mates for 4 years and then continued to keep in contact as we moved on to different jc and units in army.

anyway, it was just one dinner event during our army days, he drove me and another friend home.

after my friend alighted, it was only me and him. I've been wanting to tell him the past few years and hence i guess the timing is right.

anyway, he replied" what do you expect me to do?"

i said, "nothing, just to let you know."

he said ok and i never heard from him anymore.

What... He might have gotten the wrong message? Did u try to contact him again?

[Guest]

Well, I'm all out now. My friends and family knows. Well, except my dad, but I'm not close to him at all so that's ok.

Lol but yeah. if you are afraid of getting poked fun at, just know that if you are proud of your sexuality- no one would make fun of you. Even if they did, you wouldn't really be affected. You would only get torn down by these discrimination if you actually feel insecure about it. That's just my two cents on this

[deceptiveeyes.deceivingminds]

In time, all will know and it doesn't mean you have to do or say anything intentionally.

Only shallow people would keep asking you "why you don't have a girlfriend" or "why aren't you married" especially if you are a looker.

I have had friends and colleagues and bosses trying to match make me without any success. I saw no need to tell them I'm gay and I doubt they would believe. Anyhow it doesn't matter.

Most importantly, you're comfortable the way you are. I tried telling someone I was gay when I was younger but the outcome was hilarious. The guy thought I was joking and pulling his leg and said "You're gay? Ya! No way!"

Now, does it matter if no one knew or anyone knew? Life goes on.

[luke84]

What... He might have gotten the wrong message? Did u try to contact him again?

actually it's only recently, which is like hmm 7-8 years passed.. that i think of him and started to wonder where was he, how is he now...

but never had the courage to find him and his out of facebook

[GachiMuchi]

i came out to this particular friend of my, secondary class mates for 4 years and then continued to keep in contact as we moved on to different jc and units in army.

anyway, it was just one dinner event during our army days, he drove me and another friend home.

after my friend alighted, it was only me and him. I've been wanting to tell him the past few years and hence i guess the timing is right.

anyway, he replied" what do you expect me to do?"

i said, "nothing, just to let you know."

he said ok and i never heard from him anymore.

I recently met up with my primary school classmates which I haven't seen for like 20 years. During our chat, he did ask, why am I not married, so I took what he said earlier and told him that I won't marry because I prefer men. And I even told him that he was my childhood crush for few years after primary school ended and the reason I went to visit him during my secondary school days because he stays near my school although we studied different schools.

He told me that he is not the type who would judge people even though he himself is a X'tian and married. He even talked in support of gays after reading about the previous AWARE incident, etc. I am glad that he also did not avoid me and we still keep in touch via Facebook regularly.

[derryfawne]

I'm used and ready to come out to most people who ask me whether I'm gay, although I still prefer to have control over who knows and who doesn't. And I'm glad that I have 100% rate of acceptance (or at least, tolerance) so far.

But nothing had quite prepared me for what was happening to me this weekend. I visited my relatives who are coming to Singapore (I'm not local btw), and my sister confronted me on my sexuality, which I dismissed on a light-hearted way immediately. Later that night, when I was returning, she messaged me and told me that she was serious, that everyone in the family esp. my mom is concerned, and that she too has gay/lesbian friends and that most of them become who they are due to wrong influences. She mentioned that she wants my honesty and that ______ will think of something to do about it. [she? they? her sms had no pronoun on it]

The next morning, my dad also messaged me regarding this. I gave both half-truths. They never asked if I am gay; they were asking if

(a) I have gay friends; and

(b) If I follow them.

To which I answered (a) Yes, (b) No. Well, I'm gay all these while! I guess they interpreted it as "I'm not gay", but at least that's buying me (hopefully) a few more years before they bug me again. And by then, hopefully I'd be more ready.

PS. My dad even went on length to explain how social environment can shape people, giving examples on how he started smoking and drinking; which made no sense whatsoever to me, but I didn't bother trying to argue with him. But of course, people cross over to cigarettes and alcohol for social acceptance [cool, what real men do] and/or escapism. Homosexuality is exactly the reverse: I've spent years escaping from reality, disguising my sexuality and forcing myself to be straight so I could have social acceptance, and yet I found out that I'm only getting less and less happy.

I really didn't want to come out to them for several reasons. It's obviously not the right time yet, as I have to prepare for the worst possible scenario. I am not fully independent yet, and the odds are against me because they still have misconceptions regarding the nature of homosexuality. Also, my eldest sister is very close to my mom, and I know coming out to her might risk that the whole family will know. This is not going to be easy, esp. because I'm the only son in the family.

But at the same time, I am very worried that my decision will backfire. My sister clearly was asking for my honesty. This is my one chance to earn her trust, and try to make things go smoothly. Moreover, if they get the impression that I'm not gay now, and found out later that I really am; this might further reinforce their (wrong) belief that I was okay until I started mingling with the wrong crowd.

This afternoon, I came out to my other sister (not the one who confronted me) and talked her out on my feelings and cleared out whatsoever misconceptions that people commonly hold about gays. I also made sure that she can keep this to herself at the time being. She's accepting, and she understands the predicament that I am in. I'm glad I finally have spoken to someone in my family. And at least by the time this issue blows up on me, I hope I have someone who can stand up for me, someone knows that I have always been the same person I was.

I don't know if I'm on the right track. I agree with most forumers, that coming out to a family member is the riskiest it can be. I have avoided it all this while, but now that this issue has begun getting raised, I foresee the need to work out my relationship with them; to earn their trust, to slowly gauge for the right timing. I do love my family, and in the long-run, I do hope that they will come into terms with my sexual orientation. I hope I am one step in the right direction.

[delon]

In this day n age n in Singapore, there is less of a stigma being gay n there is a higher chance of acceptance from the more open-minded people than say a decade ago. But yes, opening up to those closest 2 u is the hardest but their acceptance would also mean the most.

Like most of u, I spent a large part of my growing up years questioning my sanity n being unhappy n even suicidal. I finally overcame these negative feelings n accepted myself n found my purpose n meaning in life.

These days, I'm prepared 2 drop my close frens n relatives who cannot accept me 4 who I am. I m not a freak n dun need them 2 pity me or need their endorsement or make me feel ashamed of who I am. We r not an abnormal group of people who shd be scorned at or cast out of society. The only difference between us n the majority is our preference 4 a life or sex partner of the same sex. Other than dat, we r the same. We breathe the same air, drink the same water n live in the same environment.

Wat I realized is life is short n we need to accept ourselves b4 we can find our own happiness n b4 others would accept us. If we can't even convince ourselves, how can we convince others?

Just like the comics X-men, we need not wage a war against the majority at large but we need to band 2gether 2 overcome society's discrimination n judgment. Rome is not built in a day n a truly inclusive society accepting of gays may not happen in my lifetime but I m sure it will happen someday in the future.

So hv faith all my brothers.

Edited March 19, 2012 by delon

[Guest Someone]

I was v good fren to a lady many years ago, it turn out later that she liked me. Being v good frens, and knowing her quite well( or so I thought),

I told her abt it. It turned out that she was quite open minded, and we still carry on being quite good fren. Things only start to change when I found out she couldnt get herself over me. Using the term 'good fren' as an excuse, she has been trying to get close to me, asking me to accmpy her for this and that, and when it did not happen, she turns moody easily and ended up we argue for countless times. During the few years that we r on n off frens and on off quarelling, she became a devoted christian.

To cut the story short, she betrayed me twice, by telling or by intentionally hinting to ppl abt me. (twice being the times that I found out). Now she is the person that I would not want to see or be in touch till the end of my life. In Chinese the saying goes" Lao Si Bu Xiang Wang Lai".

There are ppl whom know abt me and r still my good frens. 2 or 3, all guys. My advice is, Woman are woman after all, when things are going their way, they can be yr best fren, but the only creature who genuienly knows what loyalty really means, is either a man, or a dog. Never a woman. Anyway, dun need to agree with me, or bombard me abt how good yr female frens are, it will not change my impression.

[GKS]

http://youtu.be/etx5OiOwhoM

[Guest region]

I came out to my mom and she freaked out, caused tons of drama and said that she wouldn't be accepting it.

Well, i do feel better after informing her about my sexuality though.

Just that the consequences after that, is pretty awful :/

Problematic sigh.

[XiaoMessy]

I came out to my mom and she freaked out, caused tons of drama and said that she wouldn't be accepting it. Well, i do feel better after informing her about my sexuality though. Just that the consequences after that, is pretty awful :/ Problematic sigh.

Same here. But then after 2 years, everything's a norm to her.

(That includes bringing guy friends over to slack/"slack")

[Guest region]

Same here. But then after 2 years, everything's a norm to her.

(That includes bringing guy friends over to slack/"slack")

After two years..

Now, i'll just lay low and not irritate her with this.

But she tends to be super sensitive and link everything to "Gay".

[Guest Just married]

I too am out to my parents. It was a weight off my shoulders when at the age of 29 I told my parents. I am very proud of myself for having the courage to live my own life in integrity and truth. Moreover, at the time of hiring, I came out to my boss and basically gave the company the choice of accepting me for who I am or not hiring me. I have been employed by this company for the past 12 yrs.

In December 2011, I legally married my partner of 10yrs overseas. I couldn't imagine being happier before marriage but I feel more content now.

I wish for you all the happiness you seek and congratulate you on starting to live the authentic life every gay man should be allow to live if they so choose.

[Guest truthbetold]

I too am out to my parents. It was a weight off my shoulders when at the age of 29 I told my parents. I am very proud of myself for having the courage to live my own life in integrity and truth. Moreover, at the time of hiring, I came out to my boss and basically gave the company the choice of accepting me for who I am or not hiring me. I have been employed by this company for the past 12 yrs. In December 2011, I legally married my partner of 10yrs overseas. I couldn't imagine being happier before marriage but I feel more content now. I wish for you all the happiness you seek and congratulate you on starting to live the authentic life every gay man should be allow to live if they so choose.

Nice, you are living the gay "Singaporean Dream"!