For Those People Who Have Been Pangseh-Ed During Meet Ups + Our Mia Syndrome - Can You Help Me Understand? (compiled)

[Silveriot]

Not many people would be open enough to share that they have such experience of being rejected suddenly or having the person pull a disappearing stunt the exact moment when you turned up at the meeting place. How many of the following "symptoms" do you find familiar?

1. reaching the place to meet but the other person suddenly has a stomachache and is now at the toilet?

2. calling the person several times but suddenly he wont reply or answer?

3. asking you what is the color of the shirt you are wearing but does not disclose any information of his?

4. making you wait long past the arranged meeting time but when u probe him further all you get is a "sorry not my type" and thats the end of it?

just to clarify. its is OKAY to not be someone's type, it is OKAY for you to find someone not pleasing to you at the place to meet. however, it is NOT OKAY to suddenly disappear rudely without informing the other person your intention or lack of interest. it is just plain fcking rude. it is NOT OKAY to be rude.

yes such things happen all the time but people have to learn not to be so rude about it. not everyone is everyone's type. if the above has happened to you before, tell yourself that it is okay. tough luck.

tell yourself that it is okay, cause you have not been cheated of money or other possessions, only time.

tell yourself that it is okay, cause you didn't end up sleeping with someone with that kind of upbringing and manners.

tell yourself that it is okay, cause you didn't sleep with someone who is a bloody rude person with that kind of personality.

tell yourself that it is okay, cause you deserve someone who is better and more polite, even if he rejects you politely, you deserve that kind of treatment.

tell yourself that it is okay, cause those rude pricks don't fking deserve you.

-you deserve better-

what you should do is -not- delete the number you were given, but rename it to something like jerk, asswipe or twat so that in the future you will avoid meeting the same prick for fun again. and one day if you were to successfully train up and become the man of everyone's dream, you can still deny those pricks of the fun that they deprived you of in the first place. safeguard yourself. use their numbers to fill out random survey forms if it makes you feel happy. try to go saunas to look for fun instead. instead of clicking behind the screen and choosing the food you want based on inaccurate or photoshopped pictures of the food which will eventually turn you down, why not go to the sea and hunt your own food for yourself?

cause you -definitely- deserve better.

seek comfort in knowing that at the very end, when their looks fade, their muscles become saggy and when they cant remain hard for longer than 10 seconds anymore, and with that rotten and rude personality of theirs they can't find a partner to spend the rest of their life with, they will have -nothing- left. but you still have your dignity and your pride with you.

thats all i have to say, and i welcome people to share more stories and advice for people who might be feeling low because of such incidence. because no matter what, people deserve the basic courtesy of a polite decline. do not rob people of that right.

NOTE: for those people guilty of pulling the above stunts and behavior. fck you and _|_ and here's a pretty finger which i spent effort to type out and i hope that you have enough money to go to the nearest supermarket and buy the largest cucumber that you can find to fck yourself with.

[Blacque]

Some people are just inconsiderate, some people are just weird.

Sometimes we just have to pity them.

[iamziz]

LOL! Interesting discussion. I find it rude to MIA even though the person not your type or I am not his type. I always tell guys wanting to meet me as much as their pics look good and the conversations seem great, I don't commit to anything before meeting but they die-die want to confirm a fxxk. I asked what if when they travel to meet the person or the person travels to meet them and either or both don't like what they see. The conversation ends. Least you can do is to face the person and say 'I am sorry, I don't think this is going to work but would you like to have a cuppa or drink since u are already here?' You don't lose anything to be nice.

[Blacque]

LOL! Interesting discussion. I find it rude to MIA even though the person not your type or I am not his type. I always tell guys wanting to meet me as much as their pics look good and the conversations seem great, I don't commit to anything before meeting but they die-die want to confirm a fxxk. I asked what if when they travel to meet the person or the person travels to meet them and either or both don't like what they see. The conversation ends. Least you can do is to face the person and say 'I am sorry, I don't think this is going to work but would you like to have a cuppa or drink since u are already here?' You don't lose anything to be nice.

Many people find it hard to be nice when they get turned off by what they see.

[Silveriot]

LOL! Interesting discussion. I find it rude to MIA even though the person not your type or I am not his type. I always tell guys wanting to meet me as much as their pics look good and the conversations seem great, I don't commit to anything before meeting but they die-die want to confirm a fxxk. I asked what if when they travel to meet the person or the person travels to meet them and either or both don't like what they see. The conversation ends. Least you can do is to face the person and say 'I am sorry, I don't think this is going to work but would you like to have a cuppa or drink since u are already here?' You don't lose anything to be nice.

true but most ppl feel that you dont stand to gain anything if you are nice also.

[keyboard]

I Like this post. It is totally not okay to be rude. At least sms, you can be an idiot but don't make people wait like an idiot too. One idiot is enough.

[darkflame]

Well, so far I haven't been pangseh-ed during first meetups but I have my fair share for the aftermath.

Basically, I think it's even ruder to suddenly cut the person off after the first meetup.

If you got to be honest, you got to be honest.

The community here is small.

If you continue to act in such a way, eventually it comes back to you.

[fizzy]

many times. been there done that.

worse is, i saw him from far and he kinda texted me that he needed to go off urgently.

felt cheated cos he has already seen my pic before..

and it was just those dinner outing.

[Guest faynic]

Always being pangseh so quite used to it. Most wont bother to even informed, so in the end it's still alright to go shopping myself since we always meet at shopping areas

[janth]

Such scornful words, TS. Honestly, you do have to understand, sometimes when people decide to show either damn unclear photos or obscure angles, they're being dishonest to a certain extent by hiding their looks. I do feel that a no-show is a little too extreme, but not both parties may be entirely right. I did back out once, but it was because the guy showed me a fake picture, and he found out where I was (I checked in at a location on Facebook) and turned up there. I had no choice but to reply, and I was rather annoyed by it. I did feel guilty although he was being so nice about being such a scary prick.

Well I strongly feel you should not flame such people to such an extent, perhaps explaining my desire to want to reply to your post. You seem like you're 1 step away from a hate crime. The next time you get pangseh-ed, perhaps ask yourself why the person turned tail? Either that or always arrange to meet in an establishment with you sitting at a seat with the back facing the entrance. This way, the person HAS to approach you and can't really run unless you're extremely repulsive and are capable of inducing flight.

[Silveriot]

Such scornful words, TS. Honestly, you do have to understand, sometimes when people decide to show either damn unclear photos or obscure angles, they're being dishonest to a certain extent by hiding their looks. I do feel that a no-show is a little too extreme, but not both parties may be entirely right. I did back out once, but it was because the guy showed me a fake picture, and he found out where I was (I checked in at a location on Facebook) and turned up there. I had no choice but to reply, and I was rather annoyed by it. I did feel guilty although he was being so nice about being such a scary prick.

Well I strongly feel you should not flame such people to such an extent, perhaps explaining my desire to want to reply to your post. You seem like you're 1 step away from a hate crime. The next time you get pangseh-ed, perhaps ask yourself why the person turned tail? Either that or always arrange to meet in an establishment with you sitting at a seat with the back facing the entrance. This way, the person HAS to approach you and can't really run unless you're extremely repulsive and are capable of inducing flight.

the point here is, they don't haf to be rude.

Regardless of whoever's intentions, it does not justify the above mentioned behavior. I would haf easily said 'sorry i found you extremely repulsive so i'm bailing now' in the scenario which you just described.

I am sure you could have said 'sorry, you showed me a fake photo, i'm repulsed and i am bailing.' that makes it his fault. By backing out like that, you just made it look bad equally on you and that person.

And i am sorry to hear that you have been presented a fake photo, but i am sure not all of us here are being pang seh-ed cuz they showed a fake photo in the first place, whichs entitles them to be hateful and show disdain at the person pangseh-ing them.

But thank you for your input all the same. Good day.

[Maquis]

I've had a few encounters with people that used old foto's to make them look younger/better. So then just told them, look, you're not exactly what I expected based on ur pic, so thx but no thx 4 me & good luck finding someone else.

[Silveriot]

I haven been pang-sehed on the first meeting. but after first meeting just showed disinterest and ultimately i gave up begging them.. wanted to keep their numbers for revenge or whatsoever. but realised it will be a dumbest thing ever so i just let go of it.. the first time round hit me real hard. was ready to have my first boyfriend even though he is not of my own race. and den he didnt contact me after first meet up. yeah i deserve someone else better.. totally wanted to do that but the number just gave me the urge to contact them so i deleted them ultimately..

well glad that you managed to find your own way to handle it and move on. =)

I've had a few encounters with people that used old foto's to make them look younger/better. So then just told them, look, you're not exactly what I expected based on ur pic, so thx but no thx 4 me & good luck finding someone else.

at least you were polite and said good luck to them.

and the issue here is not -why- people reject them but rather more on -how- they reject them. whether is it rude or polite.

[Guest Zaihan Kariyani]

I have been stood up a lot of times, or rejected at sight. Which made me wonder if it was me not living up to the photos of myself. I leave my pictures pretty much untouched, except for levels and brightness. I choose shots which present me best, which I think is not deceitful.

Yet, despite being quite clear about myself during chats or in profile text, I get that feeling of disappointing the other party when a rejection does occur.

Once after travelling an hour, in the rain, to get to a guy's place, he seemed really hesitant. So I asked him point blank just in the door after taking off my shoes, if he wanted me to leave. He was like, "Well, you're skinnier than I like."

This, after me suggesting that we meet somewhere first to determine chemistry and such, and telling him I'm a very petite guy, and my stats all up on my profile. He tried to be nice and offer me water, and when I said no and put on my shoes, he offered bus fare for my troubles.

I've had a guy come up to the shop I was working in as he said he wanted to pop by and say hello, get a look at my face, frown, and then just leave without a word and speed off in his car.

It's hard not to feel ugly, unattractive and undesirable when these things happen. I always do. It takes a while to get over. But it'll happen.

Just always have to remember that taste is subjective. And personal. Sometimes weird. Often very limited. So just have to keep reminding myself that not everyone likes blue cheese, and not everyone who likes blue cheese loves it. Even those who do only want certain brands.

It is what it is. Be sad, be mad. Cry, curse, or whatever. Just don't dwell on it any longer than it is sane to.

Appreciate those who do find you attractive. Thank those who give you compliments. And life just goes on. :-)

[Exynos]

guys, if you face such rejections or stood ups. just remember, these people can go fxxk themselves. let these losers judge people while they can. because soon, these are the very people that will be judged in the future.

for my case, i'm so used to these kinda things, that once i feel the disappointment, hesitant , i'll just offer to say "okay i go off." like, no balls to reject u, no balls to do anything, then fine, i'll be the thick-skinned one.

btw, such people are seriously blind. just ignore their superficial comments. it's always people like us who put our real stats on the profile, emphasize again that we're fat/skinny/have pimples... and these blind jokers just "miss" all these & talk to u based on ur pic. says SO MUCH about them, so just be grateful u don't have to look at them another time.

[loveedovee]

I guess when u encounter such stuff, you can go either ways; become a bully and do it to others, or know how it feels and at least go through the meet up and maybe subtly slip in that you are not interested.

Back when I was starting out I do have a rejection that I recall..

A guy came all the way to my place.. Could see that he wasnt into me but still took off his shirt and when we got on the bed, he got a phone call and said he had to leave. Said he would call again but no news. Well, he wasnt what I expected too so no loss for me.

Since then I've started building myself up, taken better care of myself and have not came across any rejections.

[ItchyHand]

i like this thread, i do find it an honest sharing and i like that. i tend to be the nerdy look type and not a hunk type so i get plenty of this experience even after telling the other person i am plain and ordinary looking...

while i have considered training, i also wonder whether i should become who i am not to be with someone, so far the answer for me is 'no'. if one day, i do train, it will be to stay healthy rather than to become someone else whom people want.

so for people like me... we learn to accept who we are (as if being gay and accepting ourself is not enough) within even this small community that stays somewhat divided... for those who have been rejected, find good friends who will support you emotionally, do not be crushed by others for not being what they want you to be... it won't be easy but stay confident and strong, believe in yourself

Edited June 3, 2012 by ItchyHand

[neutoris]

I've been on both sides before too - rejected and being rejected (but I've never pangsehed anyone before).

Case 1: I think guys should be matured enough to declare their age and real photos during meetups and not give people a nasty surprise. LOL. I once met a guy at my place who said that he's a NSF at 20 odd year old and turned up to me a 30ish man (I found out his actual age cos I took a peek at his IC when he went to the toilet) with high cut socks and centre parting hairstyle. Some people might still go on with doing what was planned to be done. But I guess sometimes you just have to be brave to say no. So I sat him down, ask him why must he lie about age and stuff and tell him nicely that it's okay to declare the truth before meet up cos people who wants to meet you would like you for whol you are. He left after that.

Case 2: Got quite a fair share of rejections too, but not to the extent of pangsehed (I'm a scornful person, probably will hunt the person down haha.) I'm perfectly fine with not getting a reply through grindr and jackd after they see your pic cos u are totally not their type. I guess the rudest thing that have ever happened to me is when you really clicked with a guy and enjoyed the conversation with them, the guy suddenly disappeared after seeing your pic. They just disappear after saying "sorry not my type". I guess sorry don't cut it as well, you make people feel really sucky the rest of week and make people feel less self confident of themselves. Sucky people... Haha

[luke84]

I will always tell people straight in the face my age and my build.

but i prefer to meet instead of exchanging photos, as i feel photos are not that accurate.

I always just offer to meet for a cup of coffee, even is we are not interested in each other, a simple 15 mins coffee will be good.

[Wilsen Willim]

To begin with.... its Shallow and naive... i never been ditch or anything.. just so much i did not ditch anyone... excuse me ask yourself... meet up must means u guys click? You guys have no idea , that specific someone who's not your type will end up as your best sister / or best friend who's there for you all the time... get real and stop trying so hard to find a boyfriend... when the time comes... you will get it... If he is not yours , then he is not.... at least be friend with all the guys u have meet. ( speaking from experience.)

[Guest GIRL]

but if you kena rejected or been said in the face you not my type,

Will it affect your self-esteem? Will you feel ugly and unwanted? Will it lead to rejection and depression and self-confidence in long term if this happens often?

[Silveriot]

To begin with.... its Shallow and naive... i never been ditch or anything.. just so much i did not ditch anyone... excuse me ask yourself... meet up must means u guys click? You guys have no idea , that specific someone who's not your type will end up as your best sister / or best friend who's there for you all the time... get real and stop trying so hard to find a boyfriend... when the time comes... you will get it... If he is not yours , then he is not.... at least be friend with all the guys u have meet. ( speaking from experience.)

i have no idea what are you talking about.

maybe i should remind you that its the method of rejection we are discussing abt here, not the intentions of why and whether a person rejects or whether someone deserves to be rejected or not.

please consider the above sentence again and thanks for your input.

but if you kena rejected or been said in the face you not my type, Will it affect your self-esteem? Will you feel ugly and unwanted? Will it lead to rejection and depression and self-confidence in long term if this happens often?

5 seconds of bad self esteem is better than hours of figuring out where the person has disappeared to and even longer time of being pissed off that you have been made a fool of and ditched abruptly.

at least people should have the balls to tell me in the face nicely that i am not his type so that i can save time also by moving on and finding another person than to spend time wondering where has he gone to.

so from your question, you suggest that these people are "saving" us from having a low self esteem, depresson and low confidence by -not- rejecting us openly and directly but instead pulling off a no-show and zero accountability and 100% irresponsibility by leaving us in the ditch without even informing us.

that can't be right.

[Guest GIRL]

i have no idea what are you talking about.

maybe i should remind you that its the method of rejection we are discussing abt here, not the intentions of why and whether a person rejects or whether someone deserves to be rejected or not.

please consider the above sentence again and thanks for your input.

5 seconds of bad self esteem is better than hours of figuring out where the person has disappeared to and even longer time of being pissed off that you have been made a fool of and ditched abruptly.

at least people should have the balls to tell me in the face nicely that i am not his type so that i can save time also by moving on and finding another person than to spend time wondering where has he gone to.

so from your question, you suggest that these people are "saving" us from having a low self esteem, depresson and low confidence by -not- rejecting us openly and directly but instead pulling off a no-show and zero accountability and 100% irresponsibility by leaving us in the ditch without even informing us.

that can't be right.

i meant for both telling us in the face straight and that joker disappearing...

telling us in the face= feel sad kena rejected...

that joker disappear = we already know kena rejected, worst still we dun know why and have the feel kena played out...

will both telling us in the face we not their type and that joker disappear w/o a word..

affect your self-esteem? Will you feel ugly and unwanted? Will it lead to rejection and depression and self-confidence in long term if this happens often?

[Silveriot]

I have been stood up a lot of times, or rejected at sight. Which made me wonder if it was me not living up to the photos of myself. I leave my pictures pretty much untouched, except for levels and brightness. I choose shots which present me best, which I think is not deceitful. Yet, despite being quite clear about myself during chats or in profile text, I get that feeling of disappointing the other party when a rejection does occur. Once after travelling an hour, in the rain, to get to a guy's place, he seemed really hesitant. So I asked him point blank just in the door after taking off my shoes, if he wanted me to leave. He was like, "Well, you're skinnier than I like." This, after me suggesting that we meet somewhere first to determine chemistry and such, and telling him I'm a very petite guy, and my stats all up on my profile. He tried to be nice and offer me water, and when I said no and put on my shoes, he offered bus fare for my troubles. I've had a guy come up to the shop I was working in as he said he wanted to pop by and say hello, get a look at my face, frown, and then just leave without a word and speed off in his car. It's hard not to feel ugly, unattractive and undesirable when these things happen. I always do. It takes a while to get over. But it'll happen. Just always have to remember that taste is subjective. And personal. Sometimes weird. Often very limited. So just have to keep reminding myself that not everyone likes blue cheese, and not everyone who likes blue cheese loves it. Even those who do only want certain brands. It is what it is. Be sad, be mad. Cry, curse, or whatever. Just don't dwell on it any longer than it is sane to. Appreciate those who do find you attractive. Thank those who give you compliments. And life just goes on. :-)

guys, if you face such rejections or stood ups. just remember, these people can go fxxk themselves. let these losers judge people while they can. because soon, these are the very people that will be judged in the future. for my case, i'm so used to these kinda things, that once i feel the disappointment, hesitant , i'll just offer to say "okay i go off." like, no balls to reject u, no balls to do anything, then fine, i'll be the thick-skinned one. btw, such people are seriously blind. just ignore their superficial comments. it's always people like us who put our real stats on the profile, emphasize again that we're fat/skinny/have pimples... and these blind jokers just "miss" all these & talk to u based on ur pic. says SO MUCH about them, so just be grateful u don't have to look at them another time.

I guess when u encounter such stuff, you can go either ways; become a bully and do it to others, or know how it feels and at least go through the meet up and maybe subtly slip in that you are not interested. Back when I was starting out I do have a rejection that I recall.. A guy came all the way to my place.. Could see that he wasnt into me but still took off his shirt and when we got on the bed, he got a phone call and said he had to leave. Said he would call again but no news. Well, he wasnt what I expected too so no loss for me. Since then I've started building myself up, taken better care of myself and have not came across any rejections.

i like this thread, i do find it an honest sharing and i like that. i tend to be the nerdy look type and not a hunk type so i get plenty of this experience even after telling the other person i am plain and ordinary looking... while i have considered training, i also wonder whether i should become who i am not to be with someone, so far the answer for me is 'no'. if one day, i do train, it will be to stay healthy rather than to become someone else whom people want. so for people like me... we learn to accept who we are (as if being gay and accepting ourself is not enough) within even this small community that stays somewhat divided... for those who have been rejected, find good friends who will support you emotionally, do not be crushed by others for not being what they want you to be... it won't be easy but stay confident and strong, believe in yourself

thanks for the input guys. really appreciate it ^^

[Silveriot]

i meant for both telling us in the face straight and that joker disappearing...

telling us in the face= feel sad kena rejected...

that joker disappear = we already know kena rejected, worst still we dun know why and have the feel kena played out...

will both telling us in the face we not their type and that joker disappear w/o a word..

affect your self-esteem? Will you feel ugly and unwanted? Will it lead to rejection and depression and self-confidence in long term if this happens often?

i guess its more on how people manage rejection. instead of feeling sorry for yourself that you've been rejected times and times again, some ppl move on, work out and think positively, some ppl just tell themselves that they have not met the right person who appreciates them for being themselves, whereas some people feel sad for themselves and wallow in self-pity. so i guess it depends on how optimistic or pessimistic the person is.

i can't speak for other people, but i would like to think that i am rejected based on physical appearances. no body ever falls in love with your personality on first sight. so matured people can handle rejection better, like its part and parcel of life.

thats precisely the problem with technology nowadays. everybody wants things fast, on the go and convenient. once they find you are not the one they are looking for they quickly find ways to ditch you so that they can find another one. people want things/love/sex right now and they don't bother to learn more about the person and his personality. but people should still be polite when rejecting people.

but i am totally okay with that. this is the culture that we have been brought up with. ease of information flow, obsession over materialistic wants and superficial beauty coupled with advances in technology results in the culture that we are experiencing now.

its akin to say, you are not attracted to the ugly looking vase displayed at the national museum, how many of us will actually bother to find out more on how and where the vase is made, wat is the history behind the vase and what not? people would just move on to see the pretty things they want to see or things that rouse their interest. [edit: on hindsight, this is a bad example cause people go to the museum to look at ugly old things right? but well i think you get the drift. lol.]

so understanding people's behavior thanks to such culture is one good way to get over being rejected i guess. at least for me. i just credit it to culture and me not being interesting enough to hold their attention. at least i wont take it personally. i don;t know if i have answered your question or not but i have digressed a lot i guess. sorry for the ranting lol.

Edited June 3, 2012 by Silveriot

[Guest GIRL]

i guess its more on how people manage rejection. instead of feeling sorry for yourself that you've been rejected times and times again, some ppl move on, work out and think positively, some ppl just tell themselves that they have not met the right person who appreciates them for being themselves, whereas some people feel sad for themselves and wallow in self-pity. so i guess it depends on how optimistic or pessimistic the person is.

i can't speak for other people, but i would like to think that i am rejected based on physical appearances. no body ever falls in love with your personality on first sight. so matured people can handle rejection better, like its part and parcel of life.

thats precisely the problem with technology nowadays. everybody wants things fast, on the go and convenient. once they find you are not the one they are looking for they quickly find ways to ditch you so that they can find another one. people want things/love/sex right now and they don't bother to learn more about the person and his personality.

but i am totally okay with that. this is the culture that we have been brought up with. ease of information flow, obsession over materialistic wants and superficial beauty coupled with advances in technology results in the culture that we are experiencing now.

its akin to say, you are not attracted to the ugly looking vase displayed at the national museum, how many of us will actually bother to find out more on how and where the vase is made, wat is the history behind the vase and wat not? people would just move on to see the pretty things they want to see or things that roused their interest.

so understanding people's behavior thanks to such culture is one good way to get over being rejected i guess. at least for me. i just credit it to culture and me not being interesting enough to hold their attention. at least i wont take it personally. i don;t know if i have answered your question or not but i have digressed a lot i guess. sorry for the ranting lol.

well i know of someone who had depression and a person who suicide due to all these rejections....

its hard to keep your self-confidence and self-esteem up amidst all those rejection...

let's say if you move on, try to meet right people, try to improve themselves but still kena rejected or played out... i wonder how they will feel...

People always say "It's all about confidence! Positive attitude makes a girl glow! Beauty is not cookie cutter model type, we are all beautiful 

" Love yourself first, and don't allow people who make you feel bad in your life. You're worth more than that."

"No one can shatter your confidence if you don't let them"

How do you master all those techniques and quotes above mentioned in spite of the rejections and being played out...

Edited June 3, 2012 by GIRL

[Silveriot]

well i know of someone who had depression and a person who suicide due to all these rejections....

its hard to keep your self-confidence and self-esteem up amidst all those rejection...

let's say if you move on, try to meet right people, try to improve themselves but still kena rejected or played out... i wonder how they will feel...

People always say "It's all about confidence! Positive attitude makes a girl glow! Beauty is not cookie cutter model type, we are all beautiful 

" Love yourself first, and don't allow people who make you feel bad in your life. You're worth more than that."

"No one can shatter your confidence if you don't let them"

How do you master all those techniques and quotes above mentioned in spite of the rejections and being played out...

unfortunately such incidences happen. and if that someone you know is your friend, i'm sorry to hear of your loss.

but for that case, no matter how nice or rude the rejection is done, a rejection is still a rejection. so i guess we really have to take it in our stride and take things positively.

for myself, knowing how awesome i am (hurhurhur) i would just shrug it off and say that its the person's loss for rejecting me, not mine.

but talking about this is another line of thought already. and thank you for your questions, it made me realise another aspect of this discussion. all the more people should be tactful when rejecting people not of their type.

[Guest GIRL]

unfortunately such incidences happen. and if that someone you know is your friend, i'm sorry to hear of your loss.

but for that case, no matter how nice or rude the rejection is done, a rejection is still a rejection. so i guess we really have to take it in our stride and take things positively.

for myself, knowing how awesome i am (hurhurhur) i would just shrug it off and say that its the person's loss for rejecting me, not mine.

but talking about this is another line of thought already. and thank you for your questions, it made me realise another aspect of this discussion. all the more people should be tactful when rejecting people not of their type.

Well we are all judged by looks, money or power...?

What to do if we do not look like antonio banderas or jessica alba, not rich like warren buffet not powerful like ho ching..

Sometimes people do not look at character... what is worst is that the person who rejects is not good looking not rich and not powerful still want to hiam this and that..

[Silveriot]

Well we are all judged by looks, money or power...?

What to do if we do not look like antonio banderas or jessica alba, not rich like warren buffet not powerful like ho ching..

Sometimes people do not look at character... what is worst is that the person who rejects is not good looking not rich and not powerful still want to hiam this and that..

^^

welcome to the aj world. i could give you a tour if you're interested, but its not a pretty place with rainbows and unicorns and cotton candy and what not.

some of us struggle to get by, some of us are better off enjoying the limelight and attention people are showering them but some of us found love in the process. (lucky for you guys.)

[Guest GIRL]

^^

welcome to the aj world. i could give you a tour if you're interested, but its not a pretty place with rainbows and unicorns and cotton candy and what not.

some of us struggle to get by, some of us are better off enjoying the limelight and attention people are showering them but some of us found love in the process. (lucky for you guys.)

u know something? i always thought life was hard for me as a straight girl... i somehow wished i was a gay male ( dun ask me why i want to be gay male not straight male )... i wished i was a young gay guy who looked like alexis sanchez looks and body wise with a nice boyfriend.. weird hor... i think weird too..

But now i realise you gays also face so much probs.... money, looks , friends.... such is life and life is sad...

[Silveriot]

u know something? i always thought life was hard for me as a straight girl... i somehow wished i was a gay male ( dun ask me why i want to be gay male not straight male )... i wished i was a young gay guy who looked like alexis sanchez looks and body wise with a nice boyfriend.. weird hor... i think weird too..

But now i realise you gays also face so much probs.... money, looks , friends.... such is life and life is sad...

on the bigger scale, life always has problems. i think sexuality shouldn't come into question here. life is just one huge ganglion of entropic mess. (did i use this correctly?)

some of us focus on the downs like the shit clogging the toilet bowl. but some of us are optimistic and choose to appreciate all the small and good things in life.

i'm sorry that you couldn't find the rainbows and unicorns that you wanted here. i could paint one for you, but i am a lousy artist. =)

[Guest GIRL]

on the bigger scale, life always has problems. i think sexuality shouldn't come into question here. life is just one huge ganglion of entropic mess. (did i use this correctly?)

some of us focus on the downs like the shit clogging the toilet bowl. but some of us are optimistic and choose to appreciate all the small and good things in life.

i'm sorry that you couldn't find the rainbows and unicorns that you wanted here. i could paint one for you, but i am a lousy artist. =)

huh? haha

i did not come here to find love or rainbows and unicorns ba.... i came here coz i like reading about gay stuff.. did not come here with a "funny motive" i should say..

what does aj stands for may i ask?

the things i appreciate are my hamsters and family... i like to look at skin products and vitamin pills sometimes buying lots of them when i feel sad...

[janth]

huh? haha

i did not come here to find love or rainbows and unicorns ba.... i came here coz i like reading about gay stuff.. did not come here with a "funny motive" i should say..

what does aj stands for may i ask?

the things i appreciate are my hamsters and family... i like to look at skin products and vitamin pills sometimes buying lots of them when i feel sad...

AJ is pig latin for gay. I have no idea how that term came about, but there you go.

In any case, too many long posts, so here's thoughts to the reply I received:

I feel clarification is needed for my post. I have mistakenly left out that pang-sehing should be chosen as a course of action only in certain cases, especially when dishonesty is involved. Doesn't mean that in all cases of dissatisfaction, it is applicable. Apologies.

Unless you can condone dishonesty, it's something that should be pissed upon. Recently I have made it a point to cam whenever doubt is cast upon the integrity of my picture. Shows that I'm a living being and that I am me, if I'm sincere about meeting someone. I frown upon people who select pictures that are pixelised or taken somewhere dark, but yes, I still meet them. However, I'll make it known that I'm not interested, whether directly or indirectly.

Good day.

[raizermocha]

Happened to me twice i would be smsing/emailing them. and suddenly without warning, they'd stop replying back. happened on BW as well. was pming with someone (won't disclose his name, cos some of y'all might know him), and suddenly after we exchanged pictures, he stopped replying to any of my PMs...

Not many people would be open enough to share that they have such experience of being rejected suddenly or having the person pull a disappearing stunt the exact moment when you turned up at the meeting place. How many of the following "symptoms" do you find familiar?

1. reaching the place to meet but the other person suddenly has a stomachache and is now at the toilet?

2. calling the person several times but suddenly he wont reply or answer?

3. asking you what is the color of the shirt you are wearing but does not disclose any information of his?

4. making you wait long past the arranged meeting time but when u probe him further all you get is a "sorry not my type" and thats the end of it?

just to clarify. its is OKAY to not be someone's type, it is OKAY for you to find someone not pleasing to you at the place to meet. however, it is NOT OKAY to suddenly disappear rudely without informing the other person your intention or lack of interest. it is just plain fcking rude. it is NOT OKAY to be rude.

yes such things happen all the time but people have to learn not to be so rude about it. not everyone is everyone's type. if the above has happened to you before, tell yourself that it is okay. tough luck.

tell yourself that it is okay, cause you have not been cheated of money or other possessions, only time.

tell yourself that it is okay, cause you didn't end up sleeping with someone with that kind of upbringing and manners.

tell yourself that it is okay, cause you didn't sleep with someone who is a bloody rude person with that kind of personality.

tell yourself that it is okay, cause you deserve someone who is better and more polite, even if he rejects you politely, you deserve that kind of treatment.

tell yourself that it is okay, cause those rude pricks don't fking deserve you.

-you deserve better-

what you should do is -not- delete the number you were given, but rename it to something like jerk, asswipe or twat so that in the future you will avoid meeting the same prick for fun again. and one day if you were to successfully train up and become the man of everyone's dream, you can still deny those pricks of the fun that they deprived you of in the first place. safeguard yourself. use their numbers to fill out random survey forms if it makes you feel happy. try to go saunas to look for fun instead. instead of clicking behind the screen and choosing the food you want based on inaccurate or photoshopped pictures of the food which will eventually turn you down, why not go to the sea and hunt your own food for yourself?

cause you -definitely- deserve better.

seek comfort in knowing that at the very end, when their looks fade, their muscles become saggy and when they cant remain hard for longer than 10 seconds anymore, and with that rotten and rude personality of theirs they can't find a partner to spend the rest of their life with, they will have -nothing- left. but you still have your dignity and your pride with you.

thats all i have to say, and i welcome people to share more stories and advice for people who might be feeling low because of such incidence. because no matter what, people deserve the basic courtesy of a polite decline. do not rob people of that right.

NOTE: for those people guilty of pulling the above stunts and behavior. fck you and _|_ and here's a pretty finger which i spent effort to type out and i hope that you have enough money to go to the nearest supermarket and buy the largest cucumber that you can find to fck yourself with.

[imran]

Tis happened 2me last year. Suppose 2 meet a new BW guy frm an asian cty, he came to sg 2 pursue some course. We chat on msn..with my clear pic. Bt then ..d pic was more than 6 yrs ago..mayb i changed alot. I dono how to reduce new digital pic.so i take the old one. We met n he just bcame indifference n look d other way. We still sit 4 a while in akward silence. As an older person, i gv in..swallow pride n tok bout his course. In d end, we split..he remain silent . nt even a 'sorry'..and its me who say take care. Feel so cheap. If u reading tis..fxxk that 3rd world country of yours.

[Xxqtive]

Happens very often. At least I have people "disappearing" on me now and then, despite updated pics and clear stats. We just have to learn to take things in our stride.

It's rude, unkind and uncalled for. Would be courteous to just say hello and "sorry".

[Lonelyboy90]

if you dont feel comfortable with the information the other party gave you, you can always choose to stay home.

[Guest GIRL]

Happened to me twice i would be smsing/emailing them. and suddenly without warning, they'd stop replying back. happened on BW as well. was pming with someone (won't disclose his name, cos some of y'all might know him), and suddenly after we exchanged pictures, he stopped replying to any of my PMs...

this guy goes for looks, you were not what he expected... maybe he expected a brad pitt but a not brad pitt guy turned up..

happens la...

[Guest GIRL]

I've had a few encounters with people that used old foto's to make them look younger/better. So then just told them, look, you're not exactly what I expected based on ur pic, so thx but no thx 4 me & good luck finding someone else.

depends what you meeting for? If normal friends with no sex i think appearance should not be a prob... if sex is involved i think what you did was acceptable...

[Blacque]

depends what you meeting for? If normal friends with no sex i think appearance should not be a prob... if sex is involved i think what you did was acceptable...

Personally I feel that it's quite inconsiderate for one to show someone else a picture of yourself that doesn't accurately depict the current appearance.

[Guest GIRL]

Personally I feel that it's quite inconsiderate for one to show someone else a picture of yourself that doesn't accurately depict the current appearance.

just to sidetrack i juz renewed my passport and i used a pic which was taken 3 years back... am i inconsiderate?

well what you said its true but before you meet up, both should have known about each other's age and height and weight, from there you can tell while looking at the pic displayed?

[Blacque]

just to sidetrack i juz renewed my passport and i used a pic which was taken 3 years back... am i inconsiderate?

well what you said its true but before you meet up, both should have known about each other's age and height and weight, from there you can tell while looking at the pic displayed?

Not really. Some people can change a lot in a course of 3 years... and I've first hand experience on that. Some people can put on quite a bit of weight, and some people the otherwise.

[Guest GIRL]

Not really. Some people can change a lot in a course of 3 years... and I've first hand experience on that. Some people can put on quite a bit of weight, and some people the otherwise.

what i meant was from the pic you can just judge the person's age and weight... if sumtin is fishy, clarify, unless that joker so sia lan lie about everything then too bad..

[Blacque]

what i meant was from the pic you can just judge the person's age and weight... if sumtin is fishy, clarify, unless that joker so sia lan lie about everything then too bad..

Hahahaha the way you put things is funny Hmmm yeah luh... I guess as long as there isn't any crazily significant changes in one's appearance it's fine then.

Best advice to people: Do not have high expectations.

[Guest GIRL]

Hahahaha the way you put things is funny Hmmm yeah luh... I guess as long as there isn't any crazily significant changes in one's appearance it's fine then.

Best advice to people: Do not have high expectations.

well if normal friends .. low expectation..

if sex lower your expectations X2

then ok lor ....

[Blacque]

well if normal friends .. low expectation..

if sex lower your expectations X2

then ok lor ....

LOL! The reason why people get pangseh'ed is simple - humans are superficial.

[Maquis]

depends what you meeting for? If normal friends with no sex i think appearance should not be a prob... if sex is involved i think what you did was acceptable...

lol I think that's clear :-)

[Blacque]

well, i mean a face pic may show the pleasant face of someone. but who knows when meet in person, things like one being too short, too hairy, no dress sense etc.. may turn ppl off..

oh well, jerks.

Hahaha one should probably delve into the details before meeting up with the target

[Guest GIRL]

Well to sum everything up...

looks are important.... the hero is always the tall, dark handsome mysterious guy like antonio banderas... u never see the hero as a guy who look like hui ge right?

The heroine is the sexy beautiful and voluptuous woman like salma hayek... you never see patricia mok as the heroine...

if heroine and hero is hui ge or patricia mok types is for comedy... to be able to touch someone's feeling and stir up emotion deep down, we need good looks... everyone has a superficial self deep down... its a fact and very sad facts of life... people who are not so good looking are always disadvantage unless fate is kind to us...or unless we have something else like good character ( nobody bothers and its subjective) or cash ( more practical )....

Edited June 4, 2012 by GIRL

[Silveriot]

AJ is pig latin for gay. I have no idea how that term came about, but there you go.

In any case, too many long posts, so here's thoughts to the reply I received:

I feel clarification is needed for my post. I have mistakenly left out that pang-sehing should be chosen as a course of action only in certain cases, especially when dishonesty is involved. Doesn't mean that in all cases of dissatisfaction, it is applicable. Apologies.

Unless you can condone dishonesty, it's something that should be pissed upon. Recently I have made it a point to cam whenever doubt is cast upon the integrity of my picture. Shows that I'm a living being and that I am me, if I'm sincere about meeting someone. I frown upon people who select pictures that are pixelised or taken somewhere dark, but yes, I still meet them. However, I'll make it known that I'm not interested, whether directly or indirectly.

Good day.

well if the person saw it coming by being dishonest then thats too bad for him. but i still feel that no matter what, it would be good for ppl not to be so rude. you could tell him that he used a fake photo and hence you are bailing. but i understand that if he did you no justice by showing u a fake photo, then why should you still treat him nice?

but in my case that i have brought up, lets assume that the party did not do any dishonest acts but was still treated rudely and pang-sehed in the process.

web camming is another bitch. i have came across people who initiated webcam chat but cover the camera or point it away just to see what the other person is like before showing his own face. if a) the guy is likeable, then the person will reveal face and carry on but if b) not his type, then the person just stop cam, and block the guy.

i mean thats just. plain rude. or how about people whom wanted to trade pics but after seeing yours just stop trading already and disappear offline?

that happens waaaaaay to many times.