How Do You Guys Moving On From A Past Relationship

[bullet78]

My ex bf and I lived together at my house. Our relationship has turned to less intimacy and he suggested we become friends instead. We never stay in the same room. Deep in my heart I still love him and he continue to stay put in my house. I never collected rental from him till now due to kindness and maybe I still feel him.

However recently he brought his new bf to come to stay over together in my house. This has make me feel worse. They have financial difficulty and will be troublesome if they have to find new place to move on. Initially when he brought his new bf back, he told me he's his cousin. But after my several questions he admitted that he is new new bf.

Since then my heart is fallen to very low. It's very heartening to see them together every period.

I try to salvage our r/s but my ex bf said it's too late and he only regarded me as Good friends now. It's impossible for him to leave his new bf.

I'm totally at a loss. On one hand I hope to have them as my friends and on the other hand, my heart is bleeding when I saw them together cos I still hope he can come back one day. I even had thoughts to end my life but in the end I struggle and never proceed.

They said they will help me to do whatever to let me move on. On the surface of course I said Ok cos if they moved out I won't have any chance to see my ex anymore..they said they still care for me but only as friends and housemate.

Someone please help me. I'm really at a loss. What should I do?

Edited August 21, 2012 by bullet78

[Guest Blaidd_drwg]

This is the problem about turning ex-es into friends. Too much emotional baggage. If we let go, let go for good. Sever all ties. If there is even the possibility of "friendship", obviously the romantic relationship wasn't taken sersiously enough and both sides were playing games with each other. Such a terrible pre and post relationship situation.

Just kick him out. It is your house. A friend will negotiate rent with you out of respect. Your ex is exploiting your kindness. Such cunning people don't need to be rewarded with kindness. He has lied to you and he has disrespected you.

You don't love him. You cling onto him. Know the difference. Don't try to salvage.

If he brings to YOUR home his bf, you have the final say. Why is it that he, the tenant has the final say and you, the landlord don't? Your mind is too clouded.

Of course they "say" that they will help you move on. These idiots think all is pretty through tinted glass. Matter of fact is the damage is done and appeasement or sucking-up does not work. It takes a confident and strong personality to mark his territory, stomp the ground and say "NO!" with the bellows of a hurricane. If he wanted to be nice to you now, he should have been nice before and all along. It's like a disobedient child mourning at his father's funeral. What's the use? TOO LATE!

Seriously, this case is too easy to solve. Just put away you emotions please. They are screwing you up now and your ex is reaping the benefit like a parasite.

PS: I cannot understand how people can turn their ex-es into friends. It is such a foolish practice only naive people do.

[thaiboyz]

When a relationship ends, its best for both parties to settle it in a harmonious manner rather than bearing grudges. Since u and Ur ex have agreed to remained as friend, u should stop hoping he will revert his feelings and come back to u, otherwise u will suffer and making nothing out fr Ur pain. Ur ex has his right to find his new love after u since both of u no longer in relationship. However, my view is Ur ex shouldn't stay at Ur place for long especially he is in a relationship with someone else. Most of us would not like to live with our ex with their bfs. We are humans and past feelings would still linger, what else if we see and heard of the intimacy between them

My suggestions are u have to stop urself from thinking theres hope to get hi

Back since he has already made his status clear. Remember u cant act solo and force urself thru. Move on and open up, there might be someone waiting down the road, give urself and others an opportunity, dun dwell in the past, it nvr help.

Next talk to Ur ex and explain to him Ur needs for privacy, surely he is mature enough to understand and respect Ur situation.

Let him go and wish him luck, it's a way to relieve urself too from present agonies.

[trevorcantona]

dude,

1. kick both 狗男男 out of the house. clearly, when he asked you to become frens, did he fall for someone else?

2. after kicking him out, go on a trip to somewhere else and IGNORE him for 1 month.

3. and of cos fxxk around and meet other guys in tat 1 month lah.

4. if after 1 month, he still wanna be frens, then okay, if not, bye bye.

Trev

[glowingember]

The house is yours, you do what you deem fit.

Why are they staying at your place? Because you are friends or because it's rent-free?

You know the answer.

If you feel bad seeing the 2 of them, let them know to help you move on, they have to move out.

If they don't, that means they care more for themselves than for you.

In fact, bringing a new boyfriend to your place already shows you how little he cares for you.

Move on with your new life and leave him as a memory.

All the best.

[Guest hater]

better to kick them out before things turn into a mess , u might go crazy and kill them instantly .there are many better out there waiting for u, so dun waste time on him.another solution is to sell the flat and move to a new enviroment without him.

[Guest MoveOn]

don't waste your time

[bullet78]

Thank you guy for your advice. I know I have to move on. Just that sometime my heart will feel very painful. I do not have many friends and with them in the house, I don't feel so lonely. I know no matter what there's no turning back.

[Axel20]

Whats best for your situation is that you tell them to leave, in a pleasant way, no drama or fighting etc. You need to move on, and them living in your house will only stop you from doing that. It can be a mental torture everyday. Face the reality, salvaging it with your ex is really a slim chance. Move on, and start anew! I know life might seem dull and negative now, but life has it's ups and downs. You WILL meet someone else better and it will start a new chapter to your life. Jia you!

[thaiboyz]

Thank you guy for your advice. I know I have to move on. Just that sometime my heart will feel very painful. I do not have many friends and with them in the house, I don't feel so lonely. I know no matter what there's no turning back.

Well Ur fear of loneliness against Ur pains to see their intimacy in Ur flat, u have to balance Ur own feelings and tackle them first before requesting them to move. However how old is Ur ex ? As a mature person, he shouldn't even think of letting his Bf present at Ur place without Ur consent, perhaps he taking advantage on Ur kindness ( or weakness )? He should move out asap without Ur request and should feel for u when bring someone in, afterall u are the owner. U might consider to tell him Ur Bf is moving soon and both of u prefer privacy. So pls be automatic and move out within a week time!

They hv to go inorder for u to forget and start afresh! The longer they stay on, u will be in Ur own depressed world. Who knows they might laughed behind Ur back for being a coward and fool. Pick urself up fast ya!

[Wilbur]

Bringing a new boyfriend to your place? Not collecting rent? Wtf? Why haven't you kick him out of your place yet? WAKE THE fxxk UP!!!

[abang]

It is time to stamp out the issue - Get rid of him and his what-so-ever immediately.

You are taken a ride by him.

Yes, the sudden feeling of emptiness and loneliness will linger on.

But it is time for you to understand, never to continue to be a 烂好人。

Things you should do immediately is to serve him a 2 weeks notice.

Tell him he ought to find a place to stay by 31st Aug 2012 weekend.

One other thing for you to know that you need to register your tenants to HDB.

If you have never done it before, you now got a reason to evict him immediately.

Tell him the government's rule that there is NO free rent.

A minimum amount of $500 is needed.

Teach him a lesson.

Teach yourself a lesson.

Be smarter and more assertive.

[jiang2046]

My ex bf and I lived together at my house. Our relationship has turned to less intimacy and he suggested we become friends instead. We never stay in the same room. Deep in my heart I still love him and he continue to stay put in my house. I never collected rental from him till now due to kindness and maybe I still feel him.

However recently he brought his new bf to come to stay over together in my house. This has make me feel worse. They have financial difficulty and will be troublesome if they have to find new place to move on. Initially when he brought his new bf back, he told me he's his cousin. But after my several questions he admitted that he is new new bf.

Since then my heart is fallen to very low. It's very heartening to see them together every period.

I try to salvage our r/s but my ex bf said it's too late and he only regarded me as Good friends now. It's impossible for him to leave his new bf.

I'm totally at a loss. On one hand I hope to have them as my friends and on the other hand, my heart is bleeding when I saw them together cos I still hope he can come back one day. I even had thoughts to end my life but in the end I struggle and never proceed.

They said they will help me to do whatever to let me move on. On the surface of course I said Ok cos if they moved out I won't have any chance to see my ex anymore..they said they still care for me but only as friends and housemate.

Someone please help me. I'm really at a loss. What should I do?

There are still many nice guys out there, I know it hurts. Give yourself a chance, as better one is awaiting..

[Guest Ironrod]

Make friends, join the 70s, 80s or even 90s group depending on your age range.

U need to make the first step if u are serious abt moving on. The funny thing is I actually know a guy whom let his ex stay for free overtime they become habit. Of course the younger guy keeps changing bf while the older one stay single for a long while....and I think it would be single for life.

It's your life, u choose it. No matter what we say it's pointless unless your heart really wants it.

One harsh point from me is...... I don't like wuss and I can see why your bf don't choose u.....wishy washy man are the worst type to be attached with.

[fab]

Clearly your ex is a bastard who is making use of u, taking advantage of u and doesnt give a damn to your feeling.

Wake up and chase the shameless couple out immediately.

[Guest Kyle]

Then ur ex is really shameless n bastard,, if u cant move on then come to me,, i will help u to move on,, no need to collect the rental just kick him out from ur house. At least u bring back ur pride as a man

[sgboxers]

Hey bullet78, I think its important to let your ex know how un-comfortable you are about the situation. Have a mature, calm face-to-face talk with your ex, set down ground rules, e.g. one should not interrupt the other when conversing, etc. It should be easy since you guys stay in the same place. But before doing that, you might want to give yourself a quiet time and think what are the outcome you are able to accept. From my point of view, its pretty simple.

1. Continue status quo and suffer silently

2. Love yourself and let it be known.

I would be more incline for you to love yourself and move on. If it means to have a clean break in order for yourself to move on, so be it. Love and empathy cannot mix. There is also no need to be nasty and throw your ex out the house, let it be known and let him work out a plan to move on and move out as well. Its going to be hard, but its not un-achievable. End of day, what matter most is your happiness and your emotional health. It may turn out that your relationship between you guys may not even remain as friends, but friendship can be made again if there is ever a chance. Hence, do yourself a favor and seek the best path. Stay strong.

PS: Apologies, I don't even know if i'm making sense. =p

[bullet78]

Hi, thanks all for your kind advices. I'm really touched. I have decided to have a calm down talk with them. I will let them know my feelings and my thoughts. Let them get ready and move on. Actually they are really not very bad guys and my ex new bf doesn't even our past relationship. I think my ex tried to cover everything. Maybe he wanted to gain benefits from both sides.

Nevertheless I'll let them know my feelings and see how things develope then.

Once again, thank you very much guys.

[bullet78]

Hi, I've briefly let my ex know my feelings. But he was very angry and saying I'm disturbing his daily life by telling him my sorrow. He said I should handle it well alone. And I'm disturbing his new life with his new bf.

He told me his new bf is kind enough to let him have conversation and dinner time with his ex, which is me. What else I want. Which sound that I'm the bad guy stucked in between them. I'm very sad.

[Guest Ironrod]

Hi, I've briefly let my ex know my feelings. But he was very angry and saying I'm disturbing his daily life by telling him my sorrow. He said I should handle it well alone. And I'm disturbing his new life with his new bf.

He told me his new bf is kind enough to let him have conversation and dinner time with his ex, which is me. What else I want. Which sound that I'm the bad guy stucked in between them. I'm very sad.

Glad that u are sad and welcome to the real world.

If u are above 35 , u deserve to be sad and I hope u learn a life lesson after this matter.

I rather be a bad guy then be a sucker.

[ThinkTank]

hi bullet78,

I have the same experience with you when my ex told me that we can only be friend, I still felt for him but no intimacy invovled but we still went travelling togther (all planned by him).... until the last time that I found him having sex with another guy in his house so I decided to leave him.... it will be for his own good since he will have his own privacy again without me around.... and for me, I can leave my sorrow behind and starts new.

my suggestion is that you have to ask him to find a new place to stay (despite of how poor he is) if he is still using your place like a motel bringing guys home.... you have to stop seeing all these things happening again n again, it will make you more misery and sorrow....

YOU HAVE TO END IT NOW !!! It is for your own good !!!

[sazanime]

Hi Bullet78,

I am thinking you could be clinging on to a subtle mental abuse relationship, here is someone who clearly making use of you cause he knows you still

have feelings for him, the fact he brought in his bf (a total stranger) into your home and lied to you before admitting it.Clearly he have no respect for you

and lack the human decency of courtesy of asking your permission . To me this is a violation of a trust.

He really is not a friend at all.

To me and alot of other people a home should be your sanctuary.

Legally is he registered as tenant? Get some authorities if needed to kick them out, your emotion is getting the better of you in this case.

And lastly remember the fact you are feeling depressed deep down you know he and his bf are intruders,not welcome guests, the emotion you feel

should be focusing is these are strangers in your home, and your sanctuary is no longer safe.Dwelling on emotions on whether he will accept you back

is normal but betraying your trust by bringing total stranges into your home should be the last straw. Do not let this end in a situation where your life

is endangered.

[Manbane]

Dude, wake the fxxk up and move on! You deserve better, no ifs no buts...they are all excuses to rationalize the fact that you have been exploited.

Oh they said they will do whatever to help u feel better right? For a start, get them to move out of the house! It is really that simple and uncomplicated unless

you enjoy such emotional torment, which some actually do.

Edited August 26, 2012 by Manbane

[Marineboy]

Bullet78

I can't help but assume in you seem quite passive in nature....chinchye...not the kind to make tough decisions and follow them through.

Am i right?

Well you have quite a few people here trying to help you get over the pain you continue to inflict on yourself by this passive approach you are taking.

You need healing to move on and strive to find a more deserving bf in the future.

Hence to remove the torn in all this...you must remove your xbf...no two ways about it.

Maybe you may want to find a new place and sell this one off....it'll keep you busy attending to it.

It can also remove the bad memories with your x too keke

Meantime start making new frens...email..chat..personals etc....

My take is your x plays the dominating role although it's your place. You have problems due to your passive nature??

Take care

Regards

Edited August 26, 2012 by Marineboy

[sgboxers]

Sorry things didn't work out. Seems like as what most people are saying. Its time to move on, since your ex is heartless enough to not care about your feelings (be it a ex or a friend). I don't see a point why you should hold on for him.

Allow yourself to recover, take some time off, talk to the people who cares about you but try to reframe from re-living (repeating) your story. As difficult as it may sound, you are the best person to make this happen. All the best ya.

If your ex really see you as a worthy person to be-friend. Then, that's for the future to unfold. For now, that's no need for this additional stress for you to burden.

[darkflame]

Hi, I've briefly let my ex know my feelings. But he was very angry and saying I'm disturbing his daily life by telling him my sorrow. He said I should handle it well alone. And I'm disturbing his new life with his new bf.

He told me his new bf is kind enough to let him have conversation and dinner time with his ex, which is me. What else I want. Which sound that I'm the bad guy stucked in between them. I'm very sad.

Seriously, this guy is bullying you and trying to milk you through i.e. staying at your place for free.

I really wonder if he has actually loved you before when you guys were together.

When things gets rough on your side, he will simply just move out with his new bf.

If I was in your situation, I'd just flare up and say this,

"You have one night to pack up."

And simply go into my room and sob.

But seriously, I don't believe he won't have any other places to stay at.

I'm sure he can work it out with his NEW bf.

Edited September 9, 2012 by darkflame

[Donatelloversace]

Ask him to get the fxxk out of your house. What a loser. Do u even need to sponsor his meals and stuff? Wake up.

[abang]

Ts, are you the owner of your flat?

If so, you have every right to ask him to leave.

If he creates a scene or threaten you, report it to the police.

He does NOT deserve your sympathy!

As I had mentioned to you earlier, you need to register all your tenants with HDB.

Otherwise, you will be in deep trouble for harbouring "aliens"

不要再作贱自己了。

Ts, if you are just renting the place, you should move out.

Stop caring for such a heartless person!